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I have flown through this. Loving every second. This one in particular made my heart hurt, oof.

Author's Response:

Yes I remember agonizing over this one, what would sounds like something they would say, how would Pam confront Jim without it getting to The Reason Jim couldn’t go to her wedding. I think the result works but yes it hurts T_T 

and this is this stories 500th review! Thanks so much! 

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Oh my god this chapter was brilliant. Loved getting to see into both Pam and Scully's heads, sort of going through the same thing, just different scenarios.

*Sometimes acting like nothing was wrong, like he hadn’t shattered her as if she was made of porcelain and then looked at the glue in his hand like he had no idea what to do with it, sometimes that was too hard for her. Sometimes it was impossible.*

...and

*Sometimes she hated the way that she would lie awake at night and stare at the ceiling, wondering if he could ever see her as an actual woman after all of the hours she spent silently begging him to treat her like a man.
Sometimes she hated the fact that she had done this to herself.*

I really hope these two get to have a heart to heart at some point.
SO GOOD

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*He hadn’t even realized she was in love with him.
It was fascinating the way a person could convince himself that something wasn’t true…the way someone’s self-esteem could be so low that he would shrug off meaningful glances and heartfelt confessions because it was just too much otherwise…it just made him too vulnerable. It was like, once she suggested that he’d misinterpreted their friendship…once she’d pointed out to him that Roy was who she wanted…he’d believed her like she was telling him the truth. He’d thought, yes…yes that was what he’d done, he‘d misinterpreted things. He’d thought yes…yes of course she wanted Roy, she’d always wanted Roy and had never really said otherwise. He’d been confused, and, god, it wouldn’t have been the first time.*

This is so spot on and heartbreaking ugh

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I love the parallel here with Scully's "I can't" and really laying bare what Pam must have felt that night. If Jim hadn't kissed her, if he had given her some time to really think, he might have gotten what he wanted but instead he ran away. I don't blame him for this, because Pam should have been braver sooner, but it's something I don't think a lot of people consider when they come down on Pam for rejecting him.

Anyway, Scully's plea to "not do this now" and regroup made me think of all this, I feel like that was your intention and it came across well.

This was so much fun! I loved the XF quotes and the reference to Mulder in a turtleneck (drooool). You did such a good job with both Jam and MSR. Thanks for writing it :)

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“He still smiles and makes his little faces to the camera. To everyone else, he's still Jim. She's always known him better than everyone else. She knows the truth. She sees it in the clear bottle of water, in buttoned up sleeves, in each of the jelly beans she topped up this morning, left in their box.

She knows it has to be her.”

This whole thing is so good, but this chapter in particular broke me. Ugh. Wonderful work.

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“She was never with him, not the real him. She wouldn’t even have liked the real him. He was an invention, the man she fell for and it’s hard to feel guilty when he feels like someone else entirely, barely recognizable as the man she followed to Pennsylvania.”

You just singlehandedly absolved all the guilt I’ve been feeling about poor Karen. This is so spot on and I’ll never forget it.

Thanks for writing this, it was truly beautiful.

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This was SO CUTE and totally perfect. I loved it all but this was my fave line:

"Her little gray bag sat on the bed and they marveled at how they were finally here, making jokes and being serious at the same time, the way they always talked. He loved how they could be both."

*She could handle Roy, she had nearly a decade of experience with his reluctance to anything new and different, but feeling like Jim was disappointed in her was somehow unbearable. *

I love this so much and completely share this mindset. Jim was always the one who encouraged her and I imagine she didn’t get a whole lot of that elsewhere.

You’re right about s2 Pam being tough to nail down. There are lots of moments I agree she’s actively denying to herself what she’s feeling and almost even taking advantage of Jim’s feelings.

Damn, these are angsty! I’m eating it up!

Author's Response: And now that the superfans episode shows how Jim nearly came to blows with Roy over the internship it hurts even more that Pam gives up on it so quickly T_T I wanna both shake and hug her

OUCH.

*His hair was wet and pasted to his forehead and Pam felt her eyes sting as she thought about how he kind of looked like he did the day he proposed.*

DOUBLE OUCH.

I WANT TO WATCH YOU COME

okay this is a personal kink of mine and I highly enjoyed this chapter. now off to bed for me.

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oh my god, this was so cute. the photo booth scene! you did a great job with that, and with jim’s increasing discomfort. love the mini pencil origin story (although come on, jim. don’t be a cheater.)

* Maybe all the office men thought Kathryn was hot, but Pam was pretty sure all the office women had a crush on Jim. She knew she would, if she wasn't engaged of course. *

uh huh. whatever, beesly.

Author's Response: Thank you! This was one I had a lot of fun with, huge missed opportunity that never went mini golfing on the show. And yeah, we know what’s up, Beesly ;-)

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this chapter was a nice reprieve after all the angsty Roy-ness. I loved their banter so much, particularly this:

*Pam smiled then gasped when she saw a little porcelain figure on the floor, missing it's head. "Oh no," she picked up a decapitated figurine. "He was beheaded."

Jim peeked under the vanity and reached out his hand, coming up with a marble-sized head between his thumb and index finger, "At least he died in the name of love."*

The neighbor hearing them was amazing and I laughed out loud when Jim said “something popped up” knowing exactly where that was headed…

Looking forward to the fluff I assume is ahead for us now.

Author's Response: I don’t know why but I can just so vividly picture Pam having one of those Hummel figurines from meemaw XD Happy couply banter was fun to write in this one although I think you can tell I like working in the angst. Not too much though, I hope