10

Great story.  You should write more!

10

This is awesome.  The parallel real/imagined story is skillfully done, and you're light and dark images are all very strong.  You should write more!

That Wii storyline is really clever.  Karen can't catch a break.  She loves video games and Jim didn't even invite her along.  Ouch!  Its great when a story makes you feel bad for someone you're supposed to hate or visa versa.  Great job!

Author's Response:

Haha, nope. Poor Karen. I think I grew more sympatethic for her over writing this story. I don't always hate her, it depends. I think I mainly feel sorry for her because she is going to get hurt eventaully. because eventually jim and pam have to get together (RIGHT NBC!?)

and the wii is because i really think i want one. even thouh i haven't played video games since like nintendo 64 first came out 

This is a great story! -- the bottom line is a kind soul as easy on the eyes as Pam isn't going to stay single long.  I Can't wait to see Mr. Dreamboat sail over JealousJim.

I like how everyone (Jim, Roy, Karen) gets tempered toward the middle.  After all most of their lives are edited out of the documentary.  Your first-person Pam sounds very natural.  Very nice work!

Author's Response:

yeah, that is sort of what i kept including from my very first thought on writing this - its about the editing. my mom is a big fan of reality shows, and so she is always going on and on about it. so, when i originially got this idea, i knew i wanted to do something like that.

thanks so much for the review 

This is a great storyline.  Very creative and very well written. Keep it up! (Can we get a Creed chapter?  Creed!  Creed! Creed!)

Author's Response: Yes! I am very, very pro-Creed.

10

I missed this one the first time around (there are so many stories it's hard to keep up).  I love all the back story and I think there's a lot more to Angela than we see, and you do a great  job with her  This chapter is really well written considering how heavy the subject matter is.  It shows a lot toward why she'd appreciate  a guy like Dwight (who is noble and protective)

Author's Response:

Aww, thanks. I am finally getting around to responding to this review (finals, broken computers, NOT FUN).

Thanks for the review though, it means a lot! Glad you liked my Angela 

This is very well written and flows naturally like an episode.  Keep it coming!

Author's Response: Thanks! More to come soon!

This is a great story.  I always appreciate a well written Pam becuase to me she's the hardest character to write.  And this is a very well written Pam story.  I like how her curiosity (combined with her new boldness maybe) get the best of her, but then when she gets caught, old instincts take over and she runs and hides in the castle and curls up like a kid.  Keep it coming!


Author's Response: Thanks! So glad you enjoyed it.

Very well done. I think your writing is best/most powerful when you let the narrative jump into one of the characters heads, like you do here:

Jim looked around the office to distract his eyes from her beautiful body, but nothing else could catch his eye. It was just him and her now, alone in the dark office, almost exactly like last May...

So don't be shy about showing more thoughts-- that's the best part .  I'm not sure where you're taking this, but I would like to vote for the "Karen goes totally apeshit" route.

 Nice job.  Keep it up!

This is awesome.  The groin kick line is the best.  And the Creed narrative... that's the best too.  Maybe in Ch2 they can stop fighting long enough to make out a bit before fighting again?  Maybe???  Please???

Author's Response:

I've always said that the world needs more Creed.  And more kicks to the groin (as long as it's not mine).

And maybe the next fight will be mud wrestling?  I'm on board with that...

This is really cool, really creative.  This could NOT have been easy to write such consistent, authentic sounding diction from feudal times, so this minstrel stands humbled by the brilliance of what thine quill hath wrought.  Yeah. It's not easy all right.  Great job!


Author's Response: so this minstrel stands humbled by the brilliance of what thine quill hath wrought. Wow! Very nice compliment in keeping with the theme of the story. I am humbled before your praise.
I'm fortunate/unfortunate that I work with medieval manuscripts day in, day out; so there's kind of this groove thing you get into once you start talking. I actually found it much harder to write the Kama Sutra thing that I did. I agonized over that one.... This kind of just rolls off the tongue.

I actually really like Karen, especially Stamford Karen.  I think what you wrote here is very plausable had the merger never happened, so it kindof makes me more sad for her in the sense that she was headed somewhere very good before the merger.  Great story!