Talk to me, Tivo: Michael must fire someone, which puts a damper on the Halloween festivities.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: Me-ow! It’s Halloween at our favorite paper factory and Pam is looking cute in her little cat ears and her hair in a headband instead of pulled back. Jim has dressed up as Three-Hole Punch Jim. Couldn’t the writers come up with something cuter like dressing Jim as a puppy or something? Maybe next time.

Pam questions Michael’s management skills, this time wondering why he kept pushing off a layoff until Halloween. “Because it’s very scary stuff.” So who would Pam fire? It doesn’t matter as long as she kisses the boss’s ass about his stupid paper mache head long enough to save her from the ax — or Dwight’s lightsaber.

Dwight seems to be trying to have some receptionist fun hanging out with Jim at Pam’s desk. Jim is the recipient of a lame “three-hole PUNCH” joke complete with a fake fist from Dwight. Dwight should know better by now that SchemingJam will always give out pay back. This time, our dynamic duo figures they could get rid of Dwight once and for all by posting his resume online. Their two brains work better than one bouncing ideas off of each other on how to spin Dwight’s “talents” into talents. Oh, giggling Jam, how we love thee!

Too bad Pam can’t use her conniving ways on making Angela less anal about her brownies, which are obviously not chips and dip. Pam thinks Angela is the lady in the neighborhood who gives out toothbrushes. [Note: I frankly liked getting the Halloween-themed toothbrushes from the dentist down the street when I was seven. Just sayin’.]

SchemingJam get their first reference call for Michael Scott [a.k.a Jim] in regards to Dwight, the single greatest employee of his generation. Ok. Ok ok, ok k k k k. Ok. You know the plan is going good when “Michael” hangs up and gets an air high five from the cute cat answering the phones. As if she couldn’t get cuter enough, the look she and Jim exchange as they overhear Dwight explaining the importance of martial art training is just priceless.

But there seems to be some stormy water up ahead concerning the Cumberland Mills job Dwight’s “going after” in Maryland. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but you should go for that job,” Pam says. Um, it’s in an office where you aren’t, Jim laments. Jim starts to look bitter. Wait, wait, don’t make Jim become bitter! No, SchemingJam was so cute! Don’t stop with the SchemingJam! Argh! This Halloween episode is starting to get scary for alot of us, Jim included.

Jim goes off to talk about what he believes is going on in Michael’s head only to have Michael interrupt Jim’s talking head. Michael takes the paper mache Halloween head off and closes the blinds. This can’t be good. What are you doing? You can’t fire Jim! Oh good, Michael’s not firing Jim. He just needs to make Jim pretend to fire someone. Apparently, Michael is the employee from Hell who is going to jump off of a bridge or something and Jim is much better at playing manager than his boss is.

Wow. That whole thing freaked Pam out so much she felt the need to grab Jim’s hand in the hope he would tell her that he wasn’t the one on the chopping block. Too bad Jim’s still pissed off about her earlier comment about his job to appreciate the fact that Pam is holding his hand. Pay attention to the important stuff!

It’s ok. All will be fine with a simple apology from Pam — or a more complex apology from Pam involving the threat of shooting herself in the head if he left. We’ll take that, too. “All it means is that we’re friends. And who else is she going to talk to if I’m gone?” Hmm…I can’t actually think of anyone else so now you have to stay forever, Jim.

The Others: Michael has to fire someone — now — which makes the day even more scarier than the freaky paper mache head on his shoulder. After trying to fire Stanley via Dwight and practicing how to fire someone with Jim, he finally sets his sights on Creed. Being the blood-sucking fiend that he is in his vampire costume, Creed talks Michael into passing the pink slip to Devon. Meanwhile, SchemingJam get Dwight all hyped up on the idea that someone else wants a Sith Lord to sell their paper products until Dwight realizes his kung fu skills would not be appreciated in a new office. [By the way, nice job to whoever was responsible for buying the proper colored lightsaber for Dwight’s Sith Lord costume. You are a gentleman and scholar. Or you’re a woman. And I’m a lame Star Wars nerd for noticing.]

What have we learned today, kids: If you want to get downsized, dress up as a hobo for Halloween; if you want a good costume, three pieces of circular paper are lame compared to a $129 lightsaber; and if you want to be a great paper salesman, get some kung fu skills.

– written by Jenny


Pam: [quietly] Ok, greatest strength. A dog-like obedience to authority?
Jim: Nice.
Pam: But that doesn’t sound good.
Jim: Ok, ok. How about the ultimate team player?

Jim: Dwight is special. But, I don’t believe his talents are being used in this office. So Pam and I have put his resume on Monster.com, Google, Craig’s List. We’re really interested most in jobs that take Dwight out of state. Preferably Alaska…or India.

Pam: He’s a gun nut.
Jim: Sticks to his guns.

Pam: Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam. Uh, yeah. [snaps her fingers to get Jim’s attention] Just one second. I will transfer you to our manager, Michael Scott.
Jim: Michael Scott here. Yes, I am regional manager of this orifice. Dwight Schrute is amazing. Yeah. No, he is actually the single greatest employee of his generation. You know what? I’m gonna tell you what. You hire Dwight K. Schrute, and he does not meet, nay, exceed every one of your wildest expectations, well then, you can hold me, Michael Gary Scott, personally and financially responsible. Ok. Ok ok, ok k k k k. Ok.

Pam: Jim is really talented and he should be the one who’s getting a better job offer. Like, for real.

Pam: Don’t take this the wrong way, but you should go for that job.
Jim: Um, it’s in Maryland.
Pam: Yeah, but I mean, look at the salary and it’s definitely a step up and a challenge.
Jim: Yeah. Yeah, you know what? Maybe…maybe I will.
Pam: Jim.

Pam: What happened?
Jim: It wasn’t me.
Pam: Oh. That was like crazy because I was…
Jim: Yeah, I know.

Pam: Oh hey, Jim. Wait, stop. Um, I’m sorry for pushing you towards Cumberland. Seriously, if you left here, I would blow my brains out.
Jim: Come on.

Jim: That’s just a figure of speech, you know? Blow your brains out? Come on. All it really means is that we’re friends. I mean, who else is she gonna talk to if I’m gone, right? I mean, if she left, I wouldn’t blow my brains out. Of course, I would take that job in Maryland because it’s double the pay and soft shell crab just happens to be my favorite food.

The Fire

Talk to me, Tivo: A fire in the kitchen causes the employees to evacuate to the parking lot where they learn more about one another than they wanted.
Jaminess: 2 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: Things are rocky from the first scene for Jam. Jim gets a call from Katy, but for some reason has felt the need to have Katy call the main number, which Pam answers. Cut to a very awkward Pam talking head as she tries to “explain” Jim and Katy’s “relationship” and ends up just feeling like she’s talking really loud. Perhaps it’s the cutesy small talk, perhaps it’s Jim’s smile when he hangs up the phone, for whatever reason, Pam feels the need to remind Jim that he can give out his direct line — as if Jim didn’t already know that. Meanwhile, something sets off the fire alarm, but it’s not clear if it’s the hot daggers shooting out of Pam’s eyes because Jim has his girlfriend calling the main number for the office.

Jim decides to take charge of the evacuated office workers by officiating Desert Island, Who Would You Do, and Would You Rather. Three books on a desert island brings out crap like The DaVinci Code, A Purpose-Driven Life, Physician’s Desk Reference and the Bible. If anything, Jim proves he can work hard under of the pressure of Dwight’s crazy pills.

As Jam does their talking head — together — Jim seems to get a little frustrated with Pam [what’s new?]. Legally Blonde, he ask incredulously? Do you understand you would have to watch that for the rest of your life? Well, at least Jim is able to talk Pam off of that ledge.

Back to the group where Pam is up and she’s got fixed her list to get some good movies on there: Fargo, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused. Oh wait, Jim says, me too! Top five! Whatever Halpert, Pam retorts. It’s in my top three so suck it. And all the viewers at home yell at the televisions “That’s what she said.” Because, well, it was. She finishes it off with Breakfast Club and Princess Bride and we all feel good about her cool list, as we wished. Meanwhile, Dwight just wants to watch The Crow. Whatever.

Dunder-Mifflin Camp Counselor Jim decides to keep things rolling with the next game: Who Would You Do. Oh yeah, because there will be no awkward sexual tension from Jam or anyone else by playing this game. Jim is fun, Jim is cool, but sometimes you have to question his game choices. Like Who Would You Do when everyone picks the one girl in the office that Jim wants to do. Apparently, he’s not the only one lusting after the receptionist.

But before he can dwell on his competition for Pam’s affection, he gets interrupted by more Depressed Dwight. In addition to liking The Crow, about a dead guy who comes back to live, he also seems to like “Everybody Hurts” by R.E.M. Jim goes to check on Dwight with his partner in crime, Pam, in tow because a) he’s worried about Dwight or b) he’ll take any excuse to be close to Pam during a slow song. SchemingJam talks Dwight down from the ledge…he is sitting on in his car wishing the war could go on forever so Ryan would be drafted. Wow. You know Dwight is bad and SchemingJam is oh so good when they can push the assistant to the regional manager that far. Plus, this is really SchemingJam at their best trying hard not to laugh at how stupid Dwight is while cracking themselves up on the inside — and a little on the outside, too.

And just when things are getting to be their cutest, Roy has to show up. Ugh. Well, at least we know Roy, like the rest of the men in the office, will pick Pam in Who Would You Do. Wait, what? Roy picks Angela? Pam, it’s ok. Everybody hurts sometimes…when their fiances are idiots and pick the uptight blonde chick in a round of Who Would You Do instead of the person they are going to marry. Michael puts Jim on the spot finally and while we know Jim would pick Pam, even though her ass of a fiance won’t pick her, he artfully dodges the question by imagining Kevin’s arms cuddling him while watching bowling.

But things change when you get the girls alone. Everyone picks Jim — except Pam who artfully dodges the question by picking Oscar. Oscar? Geez, everyone picks Jim and everyone picks Pam EXCEPT for Jim and Pam who dodge. How more obvious can you get, Jam?

Too bad Jim isn’t listening in on the girls’ conversation like Kevin is. He’s too busy talking to Katy, who is about to interlope her way in to the evacuees in her adorable Volkswagen with the window down so she can play with Jim’s tie. Great. At least Jim gave her some time to think about her desert island movies. With such a long lead time to think about her choices, she has to come up with something awesome, right? Try Legally Blonde. Pam chuckles loudly. “I forgot what a super nice girl Katy is,” Pam explains. “She’s good for Jim, but not as good as me.” Ok, that last bit is mine, but you totally know that’s what she meant. With Jim driving Katy’s car away [Katy can’t drive her own car?], Pam plants a big fat one on Roy just to remind her that she is taken and can’t go with Jim even though she knows she’s better than that “Legally Blonde on a desert island” girl.

The Others: Dunder-Mifflin’s temp is not having a good day at all. Michael tries to teach him what he won’t learn in his business school books, which is not much. Then Dwight wishes he would get drafted into the army. Then his boss tells the entire office that he’s hot and wants to sleep with him. And after all that, after all the humiliation, it turns out that he doesn’t know how to properly use a toaster, starts a fire, and becomes The Fire Guy. Ryan started the fire! It was always burning since the world’s been turning!

What have we learned today, kids: First, read the instruction manual for the toaster at the office so you don’t start a fire. Second, make sure you play Five Movies on a Desert Island BEFORE you ask someone out on a date. If Legally Blonde makes their list, it’s not meant to be and you should just walk away and continue to pine after the receptionist.

– written by Jenny


Pam: Katy and Jim met in the office. And now I guess they’re like, going out or dating or something. And, uh, I don’t know. You know, they’re just, she calls him, and they, you know. I’m sorry, I feel like I’m talking really loud. Am I talking really loud?

Jim [talking to Katy]: So we’re still on for lunch? You’re meeting me here? Okay. Great. Bye.
Pam: Hey, you can just give her your extension.
Jim: Ok.

Jim: Ok, you know what? I think I’m going to be setting the agenda here. Ok? Can everybody gather up please? Important announcement, very important announcement. I think this is a perfect opportunity for all of us to participate in some really intense, psychologically revealing conversations. So we’re going to be playing desert island�who would you do and, um…
Pam: Would you rather.
Jim: Would you rather. Would you rather is our third game.

Jim: DVDs! Five movies, what would you bring to the island? Yes, Meredith.
Meredith: Legends of the Fall, My Big Fat Greek Wedding, Legally Blond, Bridges of Madison County.

Jim: Wow.
Pam: Legends of the Fall.
Jim: Wow. Bridges of Madison County, Legally Blond, these movies are just…
Pam: Well, I kind of like Legally…
Jim: Wait, wait, wait. Pam, no. Do you understand? The game is desert island movies, not guilty pleasure movies. Desert island movies are the movies you are going to watch for the rest of your life. Forever! Unforgivable.
Pam: I take it back.
Jim: Unforgivable.
Pam: I take it back.
Jim: Good.

Jim: Pam, get us back into it. Five movies, go ahead.
Pam: Okay, um, Fargo, Edward Scissorhands, Dazed and Confused.
Jim: Oh, definitely in my top five.
Pam: Yea, in my top three so suck it.
Jim: What?
Pam: Breakfast Club. The Princess Bride and…
Jim: Ok, that’s five.
Pam: No, my all time favorite!
Jim: Pam, play by the rules.
Pam: All time favorite.
Jim: Play by the rules.

Jim: Alright, let’s move on. Let’s move on to the main event, who would you do.
Kevin: Present company excluded?
Jim: Not necessarily.
Kevin: Pam.
Oscar: Pam.
Jim: Um, ok. You know what? Maybe I’ll, I’ll finish explaining the rules. Let’s — let me explain it first, and then… [Jim’s voice is drowned out by “Everybody Hurts”] Yeah, so we’ll get right, you know what? I’ll be right back. Stanley, you’re taking over for me, buddy. I’ll be right back.
Stanley: Ok.
Jim: Dwight. Dwight. C’mon buddy, use words.
Dwight: Why didn’t I go to business school?
Jim: Who goes to business school?
Dwight: The temp.
Jim: He does?
Dwight: Yeah, it’s all him and Michael talk about anymore.
Pam: You know, I bet Ryan thinks to himself “I wish I were a volunteer sheriff on the weekends.”
Dwight: He doesn’t even know that I do that.
Pam: You should tell him.
Dwight: Oh yeah Pam, right. That’s going to help things, just talk it out. I hope the war goes on forever and Ryan gets drafted.
Pam: Dwight.
Jim: What?
Dwight: I’m sorry I said that. I didn’t –just part of me meant it. Besides, he’d end up being a hero anyway.
Jim: You know what you should do? You should quit and then that would stick it to both of them.
Dwight: Oh Jim, I’m not going to quit. Then Ryan wins.
Jim: Yeah, you’re right.
Dwight: Thanks, you guys. I just need some alone time.
Pam: Ok.
Jim: Alright buddy.

Roy: Hey you guys, what’s going on?
Jim: Nothing.
Pam: Hey.
Roy: What’s up? Can I hang out with you guys for a bit? The warehouse guys are a bunch of jackasses sometimes.
Stanley: Come on, people, you know the rules of the game now.
Michael: Oh, hey, hey gang, what game are we playing here?
Stanley: Ok, it’s called who would you do.
Michael: Oh, I play this at home all the time while I’m falling asleep. What, ah, where are we? Where are we here? Roy? Roy? Who would you do Roy?
Roy: Uh…Oh, I got it. What’s the name of that uh, tight ass�uh�Christian chick? The blond?
Angela: My name is Angela.
Roy: Hey, Angela, Roy. Nice to meet you.
Michael: Aaaalright, who’s next, who’s next, who’s next, who’s next? Jim? You’re next. Who would you do?
Jim: Ah, Kevin, hands down. Yeah. He’s really got that teddy bear thing going on and afterwards, we could just watch bowling.

Katy: Hey!
Jim: Hey.
Katy: How are you?
Jim: Good, how are you?
Katy: I’m great, good to see you.
Jim: It’s good to see you too.
Katy: I’m hungry.
Jim: Yeah, I am too.
Katy: Oh, I have been thinking the whole way over, and I have my answers.
Jim: What answers?
Katy: Um, for the desert island.
Jim: Oh! Right! Right, right, right, right, come on. Ladies and gentlemen, gather around, we have one more participant, come on, be polite. Desert island, five movies, go.
Katy: Okay, um, first, Legally Blond.
Pam: Ha!

Pam: I forgot what a super nice girl Katy is and just, good for Jim. They are so cute together. And um…what an adorable car.

Jim: Okay, I think the game’s over, people are like leaving, there was a bigger crowd last time. Do you just want to go to lunch?
Katy: Ok.
Jim: Yeah?
Katy: Alright, you want to drive?
Jim: Sure.
Katy: Alright.
Katy [looking at Roy and Pam]: They are so cute.

Office Olympics

Talk to me, Tivo: Michael has a panic attack while trying to close the deal on his condo; with Michael and Dwight out of the office, Jim and Pam organize an employee competition.
Jaminess: 3 [5=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: Poor Jim is bored. So bored he dies from it and all the Jim fans out there think of ways to revive him. Pam, there are many suggestions we can give you.

First, play flirty paper basketball with Dwight’s mug. That will do fine until Jim discovers the Paper Football League back in accounting before he’s off to play a round of Dunder Ball with Toby. That’s when viewers realize just how much more attractive Jim would be if he had focus. Jim bounces off to ask Stanley in a dubbed over later in the editing room voice what games he plays. Stanley’s lame answer only encourages FunJim.

With that, the Office Olympics are born. Jim sings! And fakes a echoy arena voice! And takes scented candles seriously! Then his dubbed over later in the editing room voice describes the yogurt lids Pam so painstakingly created. [What is up with Jim’s dubbed over later voice in this episode? Was Jim hung over and mumbling on this particular day?]

JamTagTeam makes an appearance as the first of many Olympic events get underway. Jim: Icelandic paper games. Help me with the name for boxed feet, Pam? Pam: Flonkerton, Jim. You’re welcome. Me: Is that Hotmail on Jim’s computer screen?

Phyllis makes her first appearance in Office Olympics competition and I may be mistaken, but I think she’s trying to flirt with Jim. Phyllis wins by a nose and Jim gets corrected on his pronunciation of flonkerton by his Right Hand Girl. Oh, and Pam’s got a gold medal in hand when Jim calls on her aid for Kevin’s M&M stunt. Totally Right Hand Girl material.

Meanwhile over by the watercooler, Boring Angela doesn’t want to have fun with the crowd since she has her own game to play. Pam Pong. “We’re friends,” protests Pam. “Apparently.” Meow! Angela better be careful though or this may come back to haunt her if she starts dating someone in the office and Pam figures out who. Just saying.

Phyllis continues her flirting with Jim, asking him if he just called her a ho. You wish, Phyllis, you wish. Actually, considering the cute “Oh my God!” response from Jim, could you blame her? Then it’s off to Elevator Roulette and someone from Vance Refridgeration makes an appearance! Jim ain’t looking so good to you now is he, Phyllis?

JamTagTeam returns! It’s one thing for Pam to notice how involved Jim is with all of this, but to actually use her art skills to feed his fun-ddiction? That’s true love. Plus, she makes doves. Not cranes. Not random birds. No, she makes the birds that people release at their weddings. Ha! She loves Jim, she made true love birds! We get a JamFive and Jim’s “Nice work!” makes Pam all mushy until a tally mark in Pam Pong makes her pissy.

Office Olympics Commissioner Jim stands with his Right Hand Girl as they come around the final coffee race turn…and then Michael comes back from his real estate trip and we realize just how depressing Jim’s job is when he has to actually do work again. So Jim gets depressed about his job again, Pam gets depressed because Ryan is acting all business school snobby by tossing out his medals, and we all get depressed that our dynamic duo has to stop having fun. At least Jim is keeping his medal! Squee.

JamTagTeam! Jim begs “Can you ignore voicemails and do my bidding instead?” Sure she can. So Pam helps AdorableJim make Michael feel better about buying his house. Who would have the heart to do something that nice and show some mercy on Michael? Jim, that’s who. Stop playing with the doves, Pam, and pay attention. Oh wait, JamLook! She’s paying attention!

The Others: Michael likes to eat Egg McMuffin — hold the McMuffin — and give Ryan permission to run around the office naked. Too bad he doesn’t have more time to enjoy that sight since he’s off to sign the papers for his new house with his Butch Cassidy in tow. As Butch Cassidy, Mozart’s friend, Dwight has to stand by to protect his conductor. Luckily, Michael is moving to a “gay-friendly neighborhood” so that makes this all less awkward. Michael tries to talk to the hot real estate agent, tries to understand exactly what kind of mortgage he’s signing, and tries to get some fresh air before he dies in 30 years. Then there some whining about Dwight’s beet farm and how nobody likes beets. I have to agree with Michael on this one — Dwight should grow candy.

What have we learned today, kids: Jim can accomplish anything he sets his bored mind to — especially if it involves hot receptionists making medals out of yogurt lids.

– written by Jenny


Pam: Every so often, Jim dies of boredom. I think today it was the expense reports that did him in. Our deal is that it�s up to me to revive him.

Jim: You have what is the national sport of Icelandic paper companies and I’m blanking on the name. Could you help me out, Pam?
Pam: Jim, they refer to it as Flonkerton. In English — box of paper snowshoe racing.
Jim: Fair enough, but I like Flonkerton.

Pam: The thing about Jim is when he’s excited about something like the Office Olympics, he gets really into it and he does a really great job. But the problem with Jim is that he works here, so that hardly ever happens.

Jim: Gold medal in Flurninton.
Pam: Flonkerton.
Jim: Thank you delegate from Iceland.

Pam: Are you sure you don’t want to play?
Angela: I’m sure.
Pam: Come on, Angela. Don’t you have a game?
Angela: I have one, yes.
Pam: Well, let’s play. What is it?
Angela: I call it Pam Pong. I count how many times Jim get up from his desk and goes to reception to talk to you.
Pam: We’re friends.
Angela: Apparently.

Pam: I made something for our closing ceremonies.
Jim: What?
[Opens a box with white paper doves] Jim: Oh my God. When’d you have time to make that?
Pam: Automatic voice mail.
Jim: Alright Pam. [high five] Alright. Nice work.

Sexual Harassment

Talk to me, Tivo: When Michael’s best friend, sales representative Todd Packer, pays him a visit, Michael starts behaving even more inappropriately.
Jaminess: 1 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: You know what has two thumbs and hates Todd Packer? Jim. Add that to the list of the many reasons why we love Halpert.

But who cares about Todd Packer when Pam’s mom is coming to visit? Apparently, not Jim who is way too excited to simply meet his friend’s mom. Oh right, Pam is more than a friend. Sort of. The good news is that Pam’s mom is excited to meet everyone. The bad news is that Jim wants to ask her mom if Pam ever exhibited any traits that would lead to her future career as a receptionist. Or you know, if it’s possible to break up her daughter’s wedding to that dude in the warehouse.

As if we didn’t already know Pam’s mom was coming [that’s what she said], she reminded everyone in the office of that fact and for good reason. “Usually, the day we talk about sexual harassment is the day everyone harasses me as a joke.” Poor Pam. Also, all office relationships need to be disclosed to HR, but only those that actually exist and aren’t just in your mind, Jim. One night stands? If there are enough to have Jim make another “I’m shocked by you, Phyllis,” face, then so be it.

Oh, but I take that back. Jim is in an office relationship that is “special”…with a naked blow up doll who is apparently European and gets dragged around the office without a shirt on. How embarrassing. Speaking of embarrassing, Pam somehow gets roped into being a lesbian for an argument Michael is making about sexual harassment in the work place. Hey, she gets to make out with Jim’s European girlfriend. That’s so awkward.

Things really start to go downhill when corporate shows up and bans Michael’s inappropriate behavior. Even “That’s what she said,” which makes things so much more entertaining for our dear Jim. “Wow, that is really hard.” That’s what she said. “You really think you can go all day long?” That’s what she said. “You always left me satisfied and smiling.” That’s what she said!.

Pam’s mom is here! Yeah! Now she can meet Jim. Yeah! She has to see Michael walking around the office with a blow-up doll. Umm…not so yeah. Jim actually gets the guts to go get a piece of candy as a way to introduce himself to Pam’s mom — right as Roy walks in the door. Again, not so yeah, especially when you see Jim walk back to his desk with a quick dejected look at the camera. Oh wait, Pam’s mom quietly asks Pam which one is Jim. She knows who Jim is. Yeah! Jim heard her ask. Yeah! Ok, it’s all better now.

Except for the fact that Michael wants to take a bath with Pam.

The Others: You know it’s going to be a good episode when NBC feels the need to put a warning about adult language and subject matter before the show even starts. Todd Packer brings out the worst in Michael, which is apparent as soon as he shows up and goes off on the secretary at corporate who had an affair and then told on the guy just to be a bitch. Luckily, corporate shows up to save Michael from himself and even brings a lawyer in for him, much to the chagrin of the attorney Michael also hired for himself based on some highway billboards. Oh, and Dwight tries to get lessons in women’s anatomy from Toby, which makes Toby — and the viewing public — feel very awkward.

What have we learned today, kids: Review your company’s sexual harassment policy and make sure your co-workers do as well. This will prevent you from receiving inappropriate e-mail forwards, being requested to make out with a blow-up doll, or worrying that what you are about to say can be followed by “That’s what she said.”

– written by Jenny


Jim: I really excited to meet your mom.
Pam: You are?

Pam: My mom is coming in to visit. She lives like two hours away and she doesn’t have a cell phone, which is cool because it’s kind of adding some suspense to my day and I keep looking over at the door hoping she’ll walk in.

Pam: I decided to show her around, she really want to meet everybody.
Jim: Yeah?
Pam: Uh huh.
Jim: Good because I have alot of questions.
Pam: Oh really?
Jim: Yeah. As a child, did Pam show any traits that would hint towards her future career as a receptionist?

Jim: I’m in an office relationship. It’s special. Um�she’s nice, she’s shy. She’s actually here if you want to meet her. Hold on one second. [grabs naked blow-up doll] Oh my God, put on a shirt! Put on, I told you you’d be on camera. I’m sorry, she’s European. [blow-up dolls moves in for a kiss] No, I told you that you’d be on camera. [blow-up doll tries again] Stop.

Pam’s Mom: Um…hello.
Pam: Oh my God!
Pam’s Mom: Finally made it.
Pam: Hello!

Pam: I love my mom. Okay, that’s probably the most obvious statement ever.

Pam’s Mom: This is all yours?
Pam: Yeah, I’m in charge of this whole area.
Pam: This is where I used to keep my computer.
Pam’s Mom: Oh, right, right, I remember, with the pictures.
Pam: Yeah, yeah, but I moved it.
[Jim gets up to get a piece of candy off the receptionist’s desk] Pam: Yeah, yeah, but I switched stuff around because I actually needed, like, more room for organization.
Pam’s Mom: Sure.
[Jim is about to speak when Roy walks in] Pam: So this is like my organization station.
Pam’s Mom: Oh, there he is. [hugs Roy] Pam: Hey.
Roy: How are you?
[Jim goes back to his desk] Pam’s Mom: Hi handsome.
Roy: You look great.
Pam’s Mom: Oh thank you. So are we ready for dinner?
Pam: Well, you know, actually, I kind of need to stall a bit. But, it’s okay, because I am very used to killing time.
Pam’s Mom: Oh, I don’t believe that.
Roy: Okay, I’m going to go wait in the parking lot, and, uh, what kind of tunes you want for the ride? A little classical? A little oldies?
Pam’s Mom: Oh anything is fine.
Roy: Alright, see ya.
[Roy leaves] Pam’s Mom: [quietly] So which one is Jim?
Pam: [quietly] Mom!
Pam’s Mom: [quietly]Just wanted to know.
Pam: [quietly] No…
Pam’s Mom: Alright, ok.
Pam: Ten minutes, then we can go to dinner.
Pam’s Mom: Okay, I’ll make myself busy.

The Dundies

Talk to me, Tivo: The Dunder Mifflin employees suffer through the annual office awards ceremony, “The Dundies.”
Jaminess: 3 [3=Casino Night]

Jam Cam: It’s the most wonderful time of the year — the season two premiere of The Office and the annual Dundies!

Pam is not excited though about the awards, going as far as comparing them to a car wreck that you can’t look away from because your boss is making you. Although who wants to go along with a boss that calls you “Fat Halpert.” If that’s not bad enough, Pam gets stuck watching hours of footage from past years so she can wallow in past car wrecks as well as this year’s.

To lighten the mood, Pam gets catty with the girls. Someone wrote something about Michael on the bathroom wall [I bet it says “Call Michael for a good time, 867-5309.”] Dwight overhears the girls and threatens them with punishment — as if they ever take him seriously. He does at least take it seriously enough to try and break in and gets yelled at by Phyllis.

Pam’s back to watch the Dundies tapes including her award last year for longest engagement. Pre-recorded Roy seems to think it’s funny. Pre-recorded Pam and real-time Pam seem hurt by it. Seeing her look so depressed in the conference room, Jim takes it upon himself to confront Michael about the award and have him change it to make Pam feel better this year. Even better, he does it by insulting Michael’s joke writing by calling it lazy to use the same joke again. Pleads on his crush’s behalf and knows the best way to make his boss cave? Go Sweet Jim!

Ah, the Dundies! You down with it? Too bad Roy is pissed the company isn’t covering the tab and decides to leave with Darryl and Pam in tow. Pam is having none of that and breaks free, conveniently finding an open seat back inside at a table with Jim and his beer, which he doesn’t seem to be protecting very well. Uh oh, Pam is drinking like a determined lush. Jim may need to watch her.

Wait a minute, how did Jim or Pam not get sexiest in the office? Stupid temp.

What did I tell you about Pam? That girl is not only drinking like a fish, but keeps slurping every last little drop from the bottom. In fact, she’s letting the ice melt so she can drink it again. Second drink! It’s the idea of a lush, but it’s still an idea I will use the next time I go to Chili’s.

Some college boy-looking hecklers throw crap at Michael and put a bit of a damper on the whole event until Pam starts cheering for more. Maybe this drunken thing isn’t so bad if it means she can show some compassion to her usually inappropriate boss. Of course, she also hasn’t received her Longest Engagement Award for this year so things could change. The moment of truth arrives and Pam gets…the Whitest Sneakers Award! Pam bounds up to Michael all giddy and happy and Jim smiles at the fact that she’s happy. You did a good job, Jim. Pam thanks her Keds, her boss, and God. She feels God in this Chili’s tonight and the cute look on Jim’s face makes us all feel it. How could this get any better? After a peck on Michael’s cheek, she bounces back to her seat, which Jim has pulled out for her, and she…OMG! She kisses Jim! Yes, she’s drunk and yes, she probably wasn’t thinking when she did it, but she kissed Jim! There truly is a God in that Chili’s…until Jim goes back to sit down. He knows she’s drunk, he knows he loved kissing her, he knows she probably didn’t mean it like that, and he knows there are cameras watching. Somehow, his face shows every single one of those mixed emotions in one little shot. If you don’t know how you can feel elation, confusion, and heartbreak at the same time, just watch Jim.

However, in the end, Jim thinks it was a great year for the Dundies with Ping, bad songs and a drunk Pam, who keeps nodding her head at everything he says. What? Nothing, what? Thunk! Pam is down for the count, falling off her barstool in a drunken stupor. Despite that fact, she is still aware enough to know she doesn’t need Dwight giving her mouth-to-mouth with his shirt off. Frankly, no one needs something like that.

Poor documentary crew who had Pam get all up in their faces yelling “This is the best! Dundies! Ever! Woooo!” Apparently, Jim didn’t have very good control of her, which is also probably why she has been banned for life from Chili’s.

So in one day, Pam got drunk, kissed Jim, and wrote something bad about Michael on the bathroom wall. She tells Jim that she feels bad about it, but he lets her off the hook. Angela pulls up to drive Pam home, but Pam wants to ask Jim a question before she gets in. There’s an awkward pause and you can tell Pam is about to say something and Jim has his full attention on her. Then she quickly glances at the camera, realizing they are still there. Whatever she was going to ask gets unsaid and she instead just opts for a quick thanks. Jim smirks, points out it’s not a question, and get her loaded into Angela’s car. As they drive off, Jim gives a puppy dog look to the car, a little smile, a quick glance to the camera, and walks off with his head down and “Tiny Dancer” playing in the background. If only he could hold his tiny dancer closer.

The Others: Michael is hosting the Dundies once again this year. Too bad corporate took away his fun party money so everyone has to pay for their own food and drinks. But who cares? It’s off to Chili’s for the awards as well as Michael’s jokes. Michael’s really bad and occasionally offensive jokes. Oh, and songs that he has butchered by changing the words to fit his award show. Too bad the hecklers at the bar didn’t appreciate his humor and start throwing stuff at him, putting a damper on the night’s festivities until Pam perks everyone up. In the end, it was a good Dundies once again.

What have we learned today, kids: Sometimes, it’s all about the second drink. When you get drunk, your inhibitions are impaired and your true feelings tend to come to the surface. This could include kissing your “best friend” or almost saying something you shouldn’t if it weren’t for the cameras watching you.

– written by Jenny


Jim: So, you ready for the Dundies?
Pam: Uck.

Pam: You know what they say about a car wreck — where it’s so awful you can’t look away? The Dundies are like a car wreck that you want to look away from, but you have to stare at it because your boss is making you.

Michael [on tape]: The Dundie award for “Longest Engagement” goes to Pam Beesly. Pam, everybody! Whoooo! When is that girl going to get married? That’s what I have to say. Ah, Roy’s accepting.
Roy [on tape]: Yes!
Michael: Thank you, Roy. Are there any words you’d like to say, on Pam’s behalf?
Roy: We’ll see you next year.
Michael: Yeah, oh, hope not! Oh God!
[Pam looks depressed while watching video]

Michael: I’m not changing that. It’s the best one.
Jim: No, it’s hilarious, you’re right. I just think, um, “world’s longest engagement,” we’re all expecting it, you know?
Michael: That’s why it’s funny. Every year that Roy and Pam don’t get married, it gets funnier.
Jim: Well, I think if you use the same jokes, it just comes across as lazy.
Michael: Oh lazy?

Pam: …because that’s what happens every time!
Roy: He’s a jackass every year.
Pam: No!
Roy: Come on, we’re going to Poor Richard’s.
Pam: No, I don’t want to, I don’t want to.
Roy: Pam. Go.
Pam: If you would have asked me that, then you would know.

Jim: Hey! How are you? I thought you left?
Pam: Oh no, I just�I decided to stay.
Jim: Oh.
Pam: I’ll just get a ride home from Angela.
Jim: Oh.
Michael: I’m going to call Jan Revinson-Gould.
Pam: Oh good, I’m just in time for Ping.
Jim: Yeah.

Jim: I think those might be empty.
Pam: No, no, because the ice melts and then it’s like “Second drink!”
Jim: Second drink?
Pam [to Stanley’s wife]: You guys going to finish that?

Michael: I think we all know what award Pam is going to be getting this year. It is the “Whitest Sneakers” award because she always has the whitest tennis shoes on! Get on down here! Pam Basely, ladies and gentlemen! Oh, here we go.
Pam: I have so many people to thank for this award! Ok, first off, my Kids because I couldn’t have done it without them. Thank you. Let’s give Michael a round of applause for M.C.-in tonight because this is a lot harder than it looks. And also because of Dwight too. So finally, I want to thank God because God gave me this Dundie and I feel God in this Chili’s tonight. Wooooo!
Michael: Pam Beesly, ladies and gentleman. [Pam kisses Michael’s cheek] Oh, thank you.
Jim: Your chair.
Pam: Yeah!
[Pam kisses Jim]

Jim: What a great year for the Dundies. We got to see Ping and we learned of Michael’s true feelings for Ryan, which was touching, and we heard Michael change the lyrics to a number of classic songs, which for me, has ruined them for life. [Jim looks over to a drunk Pam] What?
Pam: Nothing.
Jim: Ok.
Pam: What?
Jim: I don’t know, what?
[Pam laughs and falls off her stool] Jim: Oh my God, you are so drunk!
Dwight: It’s okay, I’m going to use my shirt.
Pam: Dwight, get off me!

Pam: Oh my God!
Jim: Whoa.
Pam: I just want to say, that this was the best Dundies ever! Woooooo!
Jim: Woah, whoa, careful, careful.

Pam: I feel bad about what I wrote on the bathroom wall.
Jim: No, you don’t. Oh, here she is. Careful, careful, whoa. Alright, easy. Almost there.
Pam: Hey, um�can I ask you a question?
Jim: Shoot.
[Pam realizes she’s on camera] Pam: Um…I just wanted to say thanks.
Jim: Not really a question. Ok, let’s get you home, you’re drunk. Alright.
Pam: Bye.
Jim: Goodnight, have a good night. Thank you, Angela.
[Jim watches the car pull away as “Tiny Dancer” plays in the background]