1 [Report This]Date: November 21, 2017 06:14 am Title: Agnosia
Glad to see you back writing this! It's a good side of the Pam/Jim relationship. How much longer are you planning on?
Date: September 04, 2017 05:15 am Title: Onward, Love
Hi! Just a friendly little nudge...
I've got to know what happens next!
Date: July 26, 2017 01:12 pm Title: Prologue
Loving this so far. I have a feeling this story is going to take some twists and I'm so excited to see it keep going. Can't wait for the next chapter!
1 [Report This]Date: July 22, 2017 07:56 am Title: Onward, Love
Oh dear, what an end to the chapter! Still, loving this so far and looking forward to more!
Date: July 15, 2017 08:15 am Title: Onward, Love
I love hurt/comfort and you set this up so great. I'm really excited for this, keep them coming!
Date: June 19, 2017 10:19 pm Title: Onward, Love
Ah so my suspicions were correct! This chapter was written so well, I just know that you'll handle this topic beautifully. The characterisation is just so good and I simply cannot wait to read on. :)
Date: June 19, 2017 10:07 am Title: Prologue
great job! would like to read more!
Date: June 18, 2017 10:51 pm Title: Prologue
Okay, I'm intrigued! Please update this soon, I must read more!!! It's fantastic, I can already tell...
Date: June 18, 2017 05:58 pm Title: Prologue
Hi! Welcome to MTT! Thanks for sharing this. I can understand being a little apprehensive after not writing for a while, but I'm glad you decided to write! I also love how you're diving in with a longer work (it always takes me a few one-shots to get my bearings in a new fandom before I start on something longer, so kudos).
I try to leave the kind of feedback that I value as a writer, so I hope this is okay:
- I like the structure here. The narrative flows well. I like how you decided to break up sections for emphasis (especially the break after Pam becomes silent on the phone--good use of that technique there). You also wrote the point of view switch in a way that wasn't disruptive or distracting, which I appreciate. Nice job.
- I would recommend making some small tweaks to the formatting. The dialogue is displaying as bold text, and some is in italics, which isn't necessary as long as the dialogue is in proper quotation marks. I would also recommend using fewer ellipses (and when you use them, to always use three periods).
- My favorite thing, though: the way you laid the groundwork for the rest of the story. There's some intrigue! Some raised questions! You set the stage very well, and I'm definitely excited to see where it's going. :)
Oh, and I imagine that post-Casino Night has been written a lot, but I've only been in this fandom since February, so I don't mind the newer takes (I'm even in the middle of writing my own version as part of a longer fic). Plus I feel like writing a version of post-Casino Night is like a rite of passage for Jim/Pam writers. We'll all do it sooner or later. ;) And I liked your take. I liked that you were detail oriented enough to remember that Casino Night wasn't on a Friday, that it had been on a "school night." I also liked that you included a photo of the two of them at the event in Pam's box. Nice touch.
Anyway! Thanks again for sharing! :)
Author's Response: Thanks! I didn't see your comment until after I finished the second chapter but I'll probably end up going back and doing some edits. The formatting was something I was doing to keep track of who was talking as I wrote it, and I never went back and fixed it, so I'll take care of that soon. I'm hoping the structure holds up through the chapters. Thanks so much for the constructive feedback!