Date: June 26, 2019 07:17 pm Title: 7: And with two steps, I'm saved
"Michael can’t call pelvis injuries the silent killer because there was a distinct thud when Michael’s car collided with Jim’s pelvis." That killed me.
Pam eavesdropping on Jim and Betsy's conversation? LOVE.
"Oh Sweetheart, we know." Betsy coming in with the truth bombs, yessss.
"Jim can live without those memories. She wants to keep hers though. She wouldn’t be in this moment without the hard and the hurt and the horrible. She likes this moment, where Jim tells his mom that he loves her and kisses her with an enthusiasm that makes her knees weak" Oh. Well this is just lovely all around.
This is Peak Betsy.. her coming in and fixing his house, his love life, and hanging around to meet Pam.. all of it makes me smile.
Listen, as excited as I am to see how this story ends, I don't mind at all if we take the long way getting there. You just keep writing more chapters as you see fit. :)
Author's Response:
It’s nice to hear you liked my version of Betsy. We don’t really know all that much from canon about the Halpert parents, but sometimes that just makes it all the more fun.
I worried about the eavesdropping, that it might be a bit too much... or something... So, it’s lovely to hear that it hit the mark.
I think the next chapter may just be the last one, but it’s likely to be a fair bit longer too. Fingers crossed I get it up in the not too distant future!
Date: June 23, 2019 08:10 pm Title: 7: And with two steps, I'm saved
The first bit of this chapter was a little to narration heavy I think. Having some actual dialogue I think would have helped. Like having the actual conversation between Pam and Oscar. Achieve the same goal, let the reader know what happened, but it might feel a bit more natural is all.
The rest of the chapter was great fun though. Pam listening in on Jim and Betsy's conversation was fun. That Jim has, and even after Stamford KEPT, a Pam box is very sweet on his part. Then when Pam and Betsy meet and instantly join forces was lots of fun. He may put on a show of annoyance, but as the last line shows, it's just a show and he's happy to have these two women who he loves so much together.
I liked it.
Author's Response:
Thanks Warrior! I was trying to balance moving the story ahead and not rushing through everything too quickly with the narration early on the chapter. It seems I have erred a little on the move the story ahead side of things. I appreciate the feedback.
I’m glad you enjoyed Betsy - I had a lot of fun with her!
Date: June 23, 2019 03:35 pm Title: 7: And with two steps, I'm saved
This is so great. Especially Betsy. So pleased you gave us some of that. Thank you!
Author's Response: Thanks Comfect! I’m glad you enjoyed the Betsy inclusion, especially considering it was your comment that really inspired it being added in!