Date: April 28, 2020 08:28 am Title: Dog Date
Oh, I enjoy this awkwardness and cuteness so much! My only regret is that I'm out of jellybeans now :(
Author's Response:
Well I don't need jellybeans if you're reviewing, it means so much more to me in written form!
Thanks for your feedback, I'm glad you're still enjoying it.
Date: April 28, 2020 03:43 am Title: Dog Date
Haha. That was the most relatable endnote of all time. I’m sure you’ll find the answer to your questions and more as you keep going with this.
Pam getting her dog was everything I imagined it to be (super cute) and more (a picnic “date” with Jim).
Author's Response:
Thanks, I'm glad it exceeded expectations!
And thanks for the vote of confidence in my plot-finding abilities. I've got a few ideas rolling around it's just the problem is choosing one.
Thanks for reviewing!
Date: April 27, 2020 07:12 pm Title: Dog Date
So cute. So sweet. So dumb, both of them.
But then again, that's canon. So, lovely.
Author's Response:
I'm asssuming you're referring to the what your friendship means to me line? I was hoping it was in a good way this time as opposed to canon! Maybe I didn't set the tone right for that.
Thanks for reviewing!
Date: April 27, 2020 06:05 pm Title: Dog Date
Wonderful update as always!
Author's Response: Thanks! Glad to hear it.
Date: April 27, 2020 05:12 pm Title: Dog Date
I'll just leave another note here if you don't mind to much. The whole verb tense thing was only a couple times now that I go back and look. Here's what I found.
“Well, she is cuter than you,” Pam says with a giggle as she watches Jim struggle to get up after sitting for so long." Should probably be 'Pam said with a giggle as she watched Jim struggle to get up...'
"Yeah, I’d really like to,” Pam says with a smile and nods." Again, change it to 'Pam said with a smile...'
"They continue (should be 'continued') in companionable silence for a few minutes before Pam asks (asked), “What are the next steps?”
“Well,” Jim says (said) as they round (rounded) the last corner and start (started) walking towards her house, “I get the kennel, dogfood, and bowls from my car, place them in your house, and take the leash off her, how’s that sound?”
Hope I'm not coming across as to nitpicky. I assure you I'm still very much enjoying this story. Just trying to help out a fellow writer is all.
Author's Response: No, definitely not nit-picky, I am always looking to improve my writing, that's what this is all about. Thank you for pointing these out for me.
Date: April 27, 2020 04:36 pm Title: Dog Date
Outline? What's an outline? Kidding of course. A quick mention on the technical side of things. There are a few times you switch between past and present tense. Not a lot but it's noticeable. Something to watch out for in the proofreading phase.
Story wise, this is all sorts of cute. Not that I ever doubted that Pam and Nikita wouldn't hit it off or anything.
The Jim and Pam interactions are great as well. Loved the trick Jim played there with the cooler. I remember back when my wife and I were first dating "accidentally" leaving something at her apartment. Years later when I came clean that I left that thing there for the purpose of being invited back, her face was a joy to behold.
Nice job.
Author's Response:
As far as tense shifting goes, I will admit that I'm pretty rusty on writing conventions. If you have the time and the inclination, I'd really appreciate you pointing out some specific examples so that I know what to look out for in the future. You can reach me via discord or the site's email function if you feel like it.
I'm glad you liked the cooler trick, this is exactly what I was going for.
Thanks for the feedback!