Date: October 19, 2020 06:47 pm Title: What Love Isn't
How I wish all this had really been said by Jim that day. So much emotion behind the words you write for both of them and you expressed it so well.
Author's Response: Thank you! I honestly started writing because I was bored but I hope to actually finish this once I have time. I appreciate the positive response.
Date: October 18, 2020 10:25 pm Title: Less Talking
So much emotion for so little talking. I get why Toby and Oscar get out of there. The tension between them is thick enough that screw a knife you'll need a saw to get through it. Especially with the changes they've made. It might just be the exterior, but the argument from last chapter clearly shook both of them. Really looking forward to seeing where this pans out.
One thing on a technical standpoint. Any chance of making the font a big bigger. On either a phone or laptop the small font size makes it hard to read. That's not taking anything away from the great job that is this story thus far, just want to make sure you know that too.
Author's Response: Thank you! I really tried to match the dynamic JAM has on the show. They are both very attentive to each others body language and nonverbal cues. A lot wasn’t said but a lot was seen and point of view really changes a persons perception. I wanted to challenge that p.o.v. by illustrating how Jim and Pam saw it through their own lens.
Date: October 18, 2020 10:21 pm Title: What Love Isn't
Welcome to MTT! Diving right in here, nice choice. I love that Jim pushes her here. He doesn't just let the argument go. He's being the best of friends, really telling Pam what she needs to hear, rather than what she wants to hear. It feels like that one bit of courage they needed in S2 to really let the other one know how they really feel.
Roy wants time off from the relationship? Even as the wedding date that HE set is approaching? Yeah, could there be a bigger red flag waving at you Pam?
However I get why she's so defensive. Roy is all she's known in a relationship and they're closing in on June 10th. Pam at this point has denial and deflection down to an art form and that's on display here.
Great job in pulling in a lot of emotions with this opening chapter.
Author's Response: Thank you for your response! I really tried to change the dialogue while still maintaining a realistic dynamic between the two. I figured having Pams first reaction to be defensive reflected how we saw her character on the show. I am hoping to have Jim slowly break down her walls as the story goes on.
Date: October 18, 2020 10:18 pm Title: Less Talking
A more aggressive, slightly darker Jim... intriguing choice! And a fitting one for this moment: Jim deciding to change their relationship by pushing forward instead of withdrawing.
Interested in seeing where you go next with it! Welcome to MTT!
Date: October 18, 2020 10:15 pm Title: What Love Isn't
Ugh. Of all the episodes that needed fix-its...
I like seeing Jim pushing her a little harder here. This always felt like something of a missed opportunity just because she's so brittle at this moment. Jim is respecting her clear boundaries in pulling up, but as you illustrate he's also stopping not too far short of actually breaking through.
Some of the lines here do feel pretty hard on Pam ("he knew a lot more about love than she did") - is that part of the point-of-view you're going with?
Author's Response: Thanks for your feedback! I do agree that some of the lines, including the one you mentioned, are pretty harsh. Throughout the story I want to show Jim and Pams individual and somewhat biased perspectives. The goal was to try and channel what motivated Jim’s thoughts and actions leading up to and in the season 2 finale. I think this represents how the miscommunication between Jim and Pam is the root of many issues that are eventually uncovered in season 9.