Date: November 28, 2020 05:28 pm Title: Meant to Be
Oh, interesting! That's a really good piece of storytelling, actually, bringing it back around like that. I'm sorry I missed that.
So, there are MAYBE a few tweaks you could make, but before you even considered doing so, I would bring up two things.
First, I also missed the time theme developing with the gifts in a fic you literally titled "The Gift of Time," so you should strongly consider that I'm just Not That Bright.
Secondly, I'd get some feedback from someone who reads this straight through as opposed to in installments. It's been about a while since I read the Michael-Holly part of this, and I think it might just not have been in the forefront of my mind - I just reread it from beginning to end, and I feel like it might have clicked with me what you were doing if it hadn't been so long since I read Michael's part of the story. I mean, you primed the pump during Jim's speech, mentioning that he had said something about this last week, you've done some work to set this up.
I don't think it's that. If anything your reviews are quite insightful so I won't consider your brightness a factor. You seem quite bright to me - def more Oscar than Kevin
I will consider with all else you read and review (which is more appreciated that you realize) and the fragmented nature in the way you read this one that not having just read it, played a factor.
however I think it was missed by my only other reviewer so I have to consider that my storytelling was lacking the clarity to see it.
Wish I had a little more feedback to go to but I don't think there's much of a following for this one.
In any case I'm already working on a short epilogue.
Thanks for helping me on this one and trying to make me feel better about my own story shortcoming. It really does help to have reviewers like you both for ego boosting and story assistance.
Many thanks again.
Date: November 28, 2020 12:23 pm Title: Meant to Be
Oh, Jim. Sadly, you're not going to get all that much better at dealing with conflict and/or women who aren't Pam. Too bad - that's years of Roy that could've been avoided! At least he got Adam good.
I really liked this one! I always appreciate people building on canon, and this was a really fun way to do it - and to prove jelly bean love is forever.
I am struck by the Scranton Strangler mention at the end - just an Easter Egg, or a hint about the dark path that getting paper towel-bombed set Adam on?
Yes in some ways Jim stayed stuck at 13 well into his twenties.
Jelly Belly love is forever.
Thaks for showing this story some love.
I do appreciate it.
But I guess my ending wasn't as clear as I thought it would be. So the story starts with Pam returning from her trip with Michael where she discovers more about his feelings for Holly and hers for him and laments to Jim how she is sad for them. Jim reacts with his meant to be speech and if Michael and holly are likewise meant to be it will somehow work out for Michael and holly as it did for them.
This launches into the prior meeting which is the crux or the story. But there's a side story too.
How did Holly return to Scranton? Toby took leave to be juror, on what case? See where I'm going here? The end makes the meant to be not just about pam and Jim but Michael and holly too.
I guess my vision did not come across and that's my bad. I wish I knew how to fix the end to make it more clear, maybe a revision that ends with a flash forward. Any advice?
Date: November 28, 2020 11:05 am Title: Meant to Be
Very cute way to wrap things up. Teenage Jim and Pam are adorkable in the best ways. Through all this, it's felt very real. As much as we would like Jim and Pam to get together early, that's just not in the cards for them. They're still in the awkward phase of life where they don't really know what to do. You captured that really well.
However as Jim said, they did get together in the end and it does make for a great story. Well done with this one. It was a lot of fun.
Fortes Fortuna Adiuvat
Thanks as always warrior. Adorkable -is this a well known word or did you make it up either way I LOVE IT. It fits them so well especially at that age. I feel when they got together finally they helped oeach other out of some of that dorkiness but retained enough that made them adorkable in love.
Im so glad you thought it felt real - I do try very hard to keep things in my story from going too far from reality. And that I painted a true enough picture of adolescence and all that goes along with that phase of life and that I shared a little of my culture (in a small sense with the Mitzvah party)
I'm grateful for the attention you paid to this story and your reviews always. I am curious if you got the meaning behind the ending as I'm thinking I might need to add an epilogue to explain it.
thanks again for the review and the new word.