Date: March 21, 2021 02:29 pm Title: It's Not Supposed to Be Like This
Okay, as I'm sure you can *totally tell* from the fact that I'm reviewing this three weeks after you posted: I really liked this chapter a lot, and I am enjoying the heck out of this story. It's very cinematic... I can really visualize what you were doing with this chapter, and it's pretty terrific.
There's a great balance of silliness and sweetness and sexiness here... you can feel how they're falling for each other well, and you can tell how much they're just enjoying each other's company. And yet you can also grasp how emotionally confusing this is for them.
The dialogue is great - from Jan's pointed rant to the lines at the end about what they're thinking. Killer.
Anyhow. Please update soon and I promise I will review in fewer than three weeks. Deal? Deal.
Date: March 11, 2021 11:00 am Title: It's Not Supposed to Be Like This
I read all 5 chapters in mostly one sitting and I just cannot stop thinking about it. There is so much about the way you write that I just love! You have some beautiful turns of phrase that I’m super jealous of. You kept me guessing with Pam’s story and Jim’s breakup and now I’m so looking forward to getting their perspectives as they navigate what the next 6 weeks bring. There were lots of moments I laughed out loud, I love how you captured the supporting cast even if they’re only being mentioned and don’t have dialogue. Michael comes to mind there especially. Can’t wait for more, JJ! And I hope you have made a full recovery!
Date: March 01, 2021 09:03 pm Title: It's Not Supposed to Be Like This
So this chapter more than lived up to the title of this story. They really thought that after everything they've shared together, everything they're feeling for each other, that when they go to bed together it'll just be like a one-night stand? Oh you two beautiful hopeless idiots. Yeah, that's all a helluva lot more than one night stand level feelings. And I'm 100% here for it.
Pam wanting him to break her bed (at least to herself), Jim desperately trying to figure things out all the feelings as the night goes on, them cuddled up together in the dark, all just superb. Call me a romantic if you want, but I don't think there's any going back after this for either of them. Feels like they know that too and want it to stay that way.
Date: February 04, 2021 12:43 pm Title: The Prince and the Paper Salesman
I really like the way you've handled Pam and Jim's back-stories, and it's interesting to see the effect their abusive relationships have had on them - both Karen and Roy sound awful!
I'm looking forward to seeing how (if?) you resolve the 'lack of time' conundrum, and what exactly Karen talked Jim out of .
Really enjoying this -thanks!
Date: February 01, 2021 06:25 am Title: The Prince and the Paper Salesman
Well okay then. That was a chapter and a half. They both have backstories that have led them down this path. I do find it funny how Jim changed Karen's name in his phone. Don't blame him for getting out of that one. Though yeah he should have blocked her sooner if that's how she was going to respond.
Roy and Pam's relationship may not have been physically abusive, but it was mentally and emotionally for sure. REally glad she got out of that one. though considering Roy is still in and around the camp, I wonder if that's going to be come up some more.
The idea that everyone at camp knows that Jim has a thing for Pam and that Pam seems to be reciprocating is adorable. Yeah, good luck trying to hide that kind of stuff at a summer camp. It always comes out.
Though the end there. Jim chasing after Pam to hold her shoe, seemed heartbreaking at first. However she comes back and flings herself at him! Wow! Really looking forward to the next chapter.
Date: January 31, 2021 09:23 pm Title: The Prince and the Paper Salesman
Wow. This was a packed and very intense chapter.
You're really leaning into the sheer awfulness of both Karen and Roy in a way that I think explains some of Jim and Pam's actions thus far well - these would have been scarring experiences that would have left them hesitant or distracted or restrained them from being willing to take another risk. And you wrote them both well - I can imagine Pam telling the story this way in particular. Jim describing himself as "nobody" feels like a very telling moment.
This also felt like a non-cheap way to bring out this information without making it feel like an info dump and while making it clear we're not seeing the full story - it's a bonding moment, so of course they're sharing, but you've made it clear there's more to tell.
And this moment of him helping here float on his back was Good.
The details here were great - Jim having renamed Karen "succubus" in his phone, Kelly's code names for them.
Anyhow. I really want to see where you're going with this.
Date: January 25, 2021 09:10 pm Title: The Gallery
Okay, I *love* Penny and Isabel gently bullying Pam into going. The dialogue there is a great. And this whole disastrous drive is hilarious. As is Pam's last-words pun.
Okay, I am tired and don't have much in me for reviews. But I will say this: I am increasingly convinced this will be a must-reread-when-complete sort of story, and I am VERY interested to hear more of the backstory with Roy and Pam's art now.
I love this barely-subtextual-stripping-down-in-the-pond stuff. They're right, if they don't have time to waste they definitely don't have time to be subtle. And it feels like maybe for both of them they might benefit from having someone they don't have to be afraid around in a way that calling this a summer thing allows them to not be afraid.
Anyhow. Looking forward to the next chapter.
Date: January 25, 2021 08:02 pm Title: The Gallery
So yeah, that's a chapter. And we're all over the place with it. First off I love the group conversations with Pam, Izzy, and Penny. Just the kind of thing she needs to get her out the door.
Her instincts about the art were a lot of fun too. She knows what she's talking about and I love that.
Wait the what with Roy?! So that took a bit of a turn. Really brings in a whole new level to Pam here. I'm sure that will prove very interesting as the story goes on.
Ah there's Jim. Nice to see he didn't stand her up. But wait now what's this? Moonlight almost skinny dipping? Yes please and thank you.
Great job with this one. REALLY need this to updated like yesterday cause I'm all sorts of on board. Not that I wasn't before mind you.
Date: January 16, 2021 06:47 am Title: Shells
“Pam sinks down at the base of the oak tree and puts her head between her knees. Roy. Bastard.
Whoops. Pam’s not supposed to think things like that at camp.
Nope, not as good.” I loveddd this. Haha and then followed by their yelling competition, perfect.
JJ I love this story so much!! The way he sort of asked her on a date was adorable and I am so excited to see what happens! Your writing is so funny and wonderful. :)
Date: January 15, 2021 08:55 pm Title: Shells
They have a child stuck in the tree. That's amazing. And I love that this same kid keeps getting stuck. This whole sequence works well - it's progress in their relationship and a sign that they care about each other and they're also learning some things about each other.
And it turns into a solid way to introduce Roy. I definitely want to know more about what happened with them now (because he's a real charmer and I can't imagine why anyone would leave him?) but I like Jim reflexively standing up for her. And it's especially important in this moment given that what Roy said was so cruel.
"You know… I think sometimes people get so caught up in what they wanted a person to be… that it’s hard to accept when that’s not who they are" is a really good line.
And his non-asking her out was adorable - as was the cicada backstory and him covering for her with Dwight. He is SMITTEN.
Date: January 15, 2021 07:57 pm Title: Shells
So that's a chapter. Lots of fun to imagine Jim and Pam in the tree to help bring the kid down. Really glad to see a softer side of Jim there too.
Hoo boy that's a helluva way to have Roy show up. If that's the way he acts then good on you Pam for getting out of there. Same for Jim for trying to deflect some of the rage to him.
And then he's adorably akward in asking her about the gallery. She's the same in her response and how he won't get out of her head the rest of the day. Tons of fun with this one.
Date: January 13, 2021 12:17 pm Title: Worst Impressions
Oh, JJ. This was utterly amazing.
The whole camp location, everything with Michael (which would definitely happen. Michael would totally blow off everything involving the kids), and Pam instantly not liking Jim. I love this, can't wait to see what happens next!
Date: January 12, 2021 09:38 pm Title: Worst Impressions
This is a really well developed start to this. I really like Pam not putting up with any of Jim's bullshit, which is a pretty unusual look for Pam, and Jim being able to see the softer side of her where no one else can anyways, and awaken a joy that she's lost for some reason. You did a great job quickly and effectively building up the universe of this camp, too.
I thought the teases of Pam's trauma with Roy and whatever it was about it that made her stop painting and Jim's romantic struggles were designed well - I'm certainly eager to read more, and it all felt like it flowed really naturally.
Also, throwing in the line about the heat warnings was funny. Lol.
I hope you feel better soon and are holding up okay now!
Date: January 12, 2021 05:30 pm Title: Worst Impressions
JJ. This was SO good. Pam is SUCH A BOSS and I adore it so much. And Jim originally seeming like a jerk who's too good for camp only to quickly become the goofy Jim we all know and love? I am here for it. I'm so curious on what happened with Roy. I hope you update this soon!!
Date: January 12, 2021 04:29 pm Title: Worst Impressions
This is all kinds of fun so far. I kind of like here at the start it's Jim vs. Pam rather than instant best friends. That being said the instant chemistry more than makes up for that.
Lovely way to get into the camp world. Brings me back to my days on Boy Scout and YMCA camp staffs. You really get the feel that the staff is there to heard chickens and cats, while blindfolded, next to a cliff. Good times.
Also seems like there's some history that both Jim and Pam are hiding/runnig from. Should be really interesting to see where it goes from here.