Creativity Takes Courage by WildBerryJam
Summary: Courage and honesty were not her strong points but subtlety is. A series of moments that help explain Pam's art pieces. Spoilers through Business School



I've been having problems with posting my entire chapters so re-read the chapters to make sure you've gotten all of it. They should be fixed now... hopefuly!
Categories: Jim and Pam, Episode Related Characters: Jim, Jim/Pam, Karen, Pam, Roy
Genres: Fluff, Romance, Workdays
Warnings: None
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes Word count: 5108 Read: 13931 Published: February 17, 2007 Updated: March 05, 2007

1. Stapler by WildBerryJam

2. Coffee Cup by WildBerryJam

3. Flowers by WildBerryJam

4. Bowl of Fruit by WildBerryJam

5. Chapter 5 by WildBerryJam

Stapler by WildBerryJam
Author's Notes:
Pam's art has more meaning than we think. It’s going to be a five-chapter story.

Also, spoilers for Pilot and Business School. And I own nothing. Unforunately.

“So I need something good for the cameras. I can’t be upstaged by Michael or anything.” Jim says the afternoon before the camera crew arrives. He needed something to make Dwight miserable on the first day of filming. And Pam was his muse when it came to pulling pranks. This was a plausible excuse to spend more time at her desk, so he took it while it lasted.

“You should totally do the stapler in Jell-o again.”

“Again, Beesley? I’ve already done it two times. You are really starting to lose your edge.”

“Come on, it’s my favorite!” She sounds like a girl in preschool the way she’s whining in a high voice. Her cheeks start to flush, and her eyes are growing wide with excitement. He wants nothing more than to make her happy.

“I guess if you’re going to whine about it...” He stops with laughter as she fiddles around with her sweater some more. Their eyes lock for a second, and Jim is instantly scared. It’s little glances like these that the cameras are going to pick up on. Roy was terrifying, especially when he threatened violence. Flirting with his fiancée would certainly inspire something bad like that.

He had to take advantage of them while he could.

< 3 < 3 < 3

As Dwight pulls his stapler out of its yellow gelatin coffin, she feels pangs of inspiration. She uncovers the sketchpad Jim had given to her for her birthday last year), and a pencil. She looks up every once and a while to see what the stapler looked like, and to catch a glimpse at Jim. He is beaming with pride as Dwight struggles with his sticky stapler. He shoots her a glance that says more than anything he could with words.

If only he could tell her the truth.

The metal handle is long and black, with specks of yellow jell-o that he just couldn’t get. She is especially proud of this sketch. She almost frames it, but Roy comes in at lunch and says it’s just a stapler.

He never really understood art.

“That is amazing.” Jim fawns as she tries to hide the sketch underneath a folder. He insists on checking out her art, and she’s almost embarrassed. She turns an awkward shade of red as he continues to stare at her artwork. She doesn’t want to admit it, but she likes the attention he gives towards the sketch. All of her sketches in general. “You really have a lot of talent.”

“Thanks.” She says meekly, wishing her fiancée would say something that sweet towards her.

In her first interview with the camera, it slips out that Jim likes her art. She feels content as she says it, like she’s telling some kind of secret. But he thinks she has talent.

Maybe she will frame it after all.

< 3 < 3 < 3

She’s giving him the tour of her new apartment. He’s with a group of coworkers, and he isn’t quite sure what he’s doing in her apartment. But when she told everybody she was having a small Christmas party slash housewarming party, he couldn’t resist. He was going to pretend things were different, and they were giving the tour together. That they were hosting the party as a couple, and when everybody else left, it would just be the two of them sitting together.

Karen tightens her grip on his hands as they make their way into the living room. He isn’t sure if holding her hand is as comforting as it used to be.

The stapler is hanging on the wall, just above her white couch, big enough for two people to sit cozily in each other’s arms, and watch cheesy movies together. He wishes he could have a groove in that couch just big enough for them to fit together.

The frame has thick black borders that accentuate the gray watercolors that she’s filled in the sketch with. She has still kept the tiny specks of Jell-o, but only the two of them notice it. Everybody else wonders why she has a painting of a stapler on her walls.

It was, by far, one of her favorite pranks he had ever pulled.


***


The day before the art show, Roy is at her place. She’s taken the stapler sketch out of its frame (which has been on her wall ever since she’s drawn it.) It’s sitting alone on the table, as he’s sipping coffee with a content grin on his face. He sets the mug down on the table, and she walks out of the bathroom.

He’s trying to pull her in for a kiss when he knocks over the coffee mug.

The black spreads like a river on the sketch. It’s completely ruined.

She feels like crying on the inside.

“I’m sorry, babe.” He says, trying not to laugh. He has a half-grin on his face. She can tell he’s not really sorry about it. He pecks her on the cheek, getting ready if he needs to tickle her to lift her spirits.

She wonders if getting back together with Roy was such a good idea.

That morning, she panics all the way to work. That was one of her favorite pieces she’d done. He had fawned over it for so long, it was important to include.

She tries to recreate the painting at work.

She even borrows Dwight’s stapler as inspiration.

It’s not quite the same as it used to be.

Coffee Cup by WildBerryJam
“Hey.” She says as she walks into the kitchen holding her new teapot. Although she’s not willing to admit it, she’s trying to flaunt it. It was such a beautiful teapot—with smooth turquoise curves, shiny and beautiful. Plus, he had put so much thought into the gift that it just felt right to show it off.

“Hey.” He says, looking up. She’s holding the teapot. He can’t help but smile as she is so endearing towards his present. Something he had bought for her. The only thing Roy had ever gotten her that she seemed proud of was...an engagement ring. “So, let me guess. You’re making tea.”

“No, actually I’m smuggling drugs into the girl’s bathroom. The teapot is my cover.”

“I always knew the girls bathroom was the more interesting place to be.”

“We used to have a couch.”

“I knew that, Beesley. I have seen movies before.”

She finds herself breathless after this exchange. She hadn’t seen him since the Christmas party, and it was really nice to be back in the kitchen with him. She lets the teapot slowly fill with warm water, and they watch each other in silence. He chews slowly on his ham and cheese sandwich, and she puts her teapot in the microwave.

“So, do you think I can get a cup of your drugged-up tea?” He asks, trying to break the silence between them. “Or do you only deal with people you know?”

“Well, I think I can give you a sample. And if you like, I’ll consider cutting you in.” She goes back to her desk, and grabs two coffee mugs. The one she brought for herself; it’s dark green with white letters on it from when she and Roy went New Jersey four years ago. The other one, a spare, was a much more artistic one. The inside was painted faint brown like the tea, and the outside was a faded yellow. She brought an extra just in case Dwight broke one like he had done last week. She was also hoping Jim was going to ask for a cup. It had been a long break, and she had a lot to catch up on.

He took the yellow mug because even though it wasn’t his favorite color, it was hers. That was why he did yellow jell-o, and spent four hours in the store trying to find a yellow teapot for her.

She spends her lunch hour sipping on tea in the kitchen with him, talking about his family Christmas. She tells him embarrassing stories of how she burnt the sugar cookies at her mom, and he breaks his promise of not laughing when she finishes the story. He makes another ham and cheese sandwich for her between stories. She has to make another teapot because they drink through the first one in fifteen minutes. He sits across from her, clutching that yellow coffee mug. Somehow, it seems to suit him. Her things (coffee mugs, jelly beans, pencils) always seemed to fit intermingled with his things. He pretends that they are in the kitchen of the house they share. That she’s wearing his engagement ring, and she bears his last name.

The fantasy is a nice distraction from the day.

Somehow the tea seems to taste better when she uses that teapot.

The art teacher emails everybody the morning before their second class begins, saying they have to bring something in to draw that reminds them of something special. In theory, it sounds like a ridiculous idea. But Pam knows exactly what she wants to bring.

Then she realizes that she left the teapot at home.

She doesn’t have time to run to her apartment before class starts.

The yellow coffee mug. Dwight broke the New Jersey mug the day she broke up with Roy. It seemed like an omen at the time, but she’s starting to wonder if Dwight has a thing against her coffee mugs. So the yellow one just sits there, staring at her as a reminder of him.

It just might work.

***

She’s flipping through her sketches and paintings, trying to decide which to put up. Jim is still stuck in her mind, and every single painting she has reminds her of him. It’s between a cartoon she drew of him and the coffee mug. The same yellow mug she’s sipping out of. Its just water, and it doesn’t taste quite as good. She brought it home after the merger. Holding the yellow ceramic was just another piece of him when he was gone. Now he was back, with another girl, and it felt weird having her own little piece of him.

The thought of Jim laughing with Karen descends over her as she stares at the blank wall. The image of his hand entwined with her, or rising up and down her skin, as they whisper absolutely nothing to each other, is all too overwhelming for her.

She can almost taste Jim’s kiss again.

She misses it a lot.

It doesn’t sink in how far she’s lost in her memories until the mug hits the floor with a loud crash. It breaks into exactly 27 yellow pieces on the floor. She snaps out of her reverie and just stares at it, hoping that sheer positive thinking will erase all of it. That making this mug reassemble itself will somehow bring Jim back into her life that way. It feels stupid to get so worked up over a stupid coffee mug. But it was one of the few things she still had left.

After she carefully picks up the broken shards, she puts the painting of the mug on the yes pile.
End Notes:
You know what to do now....
Flowers by WildBerryJam
Author's Notes:
The next installment of Pam's art from Business School: The vase of flowers.

He waits until she’s out with her friend Janice to put them on her desk. All morning she had said how she wants Roy to do something for Valentine’s Day, even if it’s something small. And judging by Roy’s track record, he hadn’t really planned anything. So he “went on a sales call” to a flower shop and picked out some nice, pink flowers. Nothing really fancy, but something he knows she’ll like.

When the cashier hands him the card to fill out, he doesn’t try to disguise his handwriting. Its like he almost wants to get caught. He writes something cute that she wants to hear. I love you, Pam. When it comes time to sign his name, he catches himself wanting to sign his own name. The thought of sending her pink flowers on Valentine’s Day, with a card confessing his feelings is just too exciting. Then he remembers that these are supposed to be from her fiancé, Roy.

But he can’t bring himself to sign another man’s name. Especially Roy’s.

Someone like Roy who takes advantage of such an astonishing person like Pam. Someone who doesn’t deserve such a caring, compassionate woman like her.

All Jim cares about is making Pam happy.

She deserves everything.

It didn’t matter that he was helping Roy. That Pam was going to think Roy had done something so sweet for her. His sole motivation was to get one of those breathtaking smiles from Pam.

So he leaves the card blank. Just I love you.

He really hopes she figures out the flowers are from him.

He knows that she won’t. That doesn’t stop him from hoping.

She gets back from lunch to a modest bouquet of flowers on her desk. She assumes they are another gift for Phyllis, but is shocked to see the card says to her. She is washed over with content as she reads each word. She sits down back at her desk, and looks over at Jim, talking with his friend about their poker night. But her glare returns to the card. Roy had actually done something for her. He had gotten flowers sent to her desk, and he had written a cute card that said how much he really did love her.

She realizes that it isn’t Roy’s handwriting.

It’s Jim’s.

He must’ve known Roy wasn’t going to do anything. She wanted something for Valentine’s Day; he just wanted to make her happy. She knows Roy feels this way; it’s just harder to see sometimes.

She smiles over at Jim, and there’s some unspoken bond between them. He knows that she knows the truth, but he doesn’t want to say anything.

But he would love to more than anything.

**********

She has to keep the flowers next to her computer for the rest of the day. She’s been meaning to thank Jim for such a thoughtful gift, but he’s so wrapped up in playing matchmaker for Kelly and Ryan (which reminds her to get all the details from him later), so she just keeps herself busy with online shopping and another Sodoku round. This week she is on fire.

When Roy comes, she yells at him because he didn’t do anything.

It wasn’t the best she’s ever had, either.

She brings the flowers home that Friday, claiming her mom sent them. Roy is too wrapped up in hockey to care. She goes up to the bedroom, and sets them on her nightstand.

They’re too picturesque not to paint.

It takes three minutes to get them just right, but the picture turns out beautifully. All the stems are proportionate; the shades of pink are perfect.

They keep for about four days after that. They start to turn brown and wilt.

She had wanted to press them. (a hobby her mother had passed on to her.)

Roy threw them out.

She kept the card in her wallet, right behind her license.

***

She is buying fabric softener at the grocery store, and realized she didn’t have enough cash. So she goes to write a check. The cashier, a pimply-faced teenager, requires a driver’s license. She pulls it from its place in her wallet, and the card falls to the floor.

She hasn’t thought about it since casino night.

She bends to pick it up, and slowly rises as she envelopes herself in his memory. His laugh, his eyes, his hair, his smile. She remembers how thoughtful he was to get her flowers on Valentine’s Day, even though they were supposed to be from her fiancée.

Her cell phone rings. It’s Roy. Again.

He’s probably calling to tell her how excited he is about her art show, despite knowing nothing about her art.

It’s like he’s trying too hard to be “that guy”.

Pam turns it on silent and finishes her shopping.

When she gets back to her apartment, she pulls out the Valentine’s flowers picture. In keeping with her secrecy theme, the flowers are going to be the main centerpiece.

Because it was, after all, the first time he admitted he loved her.

End Notes:
Up next: Bowl of Fruit.
Bowl of Fruit by WildBerryJam
A plastic bowl of fruit seems appropriate, because it is fake. Just like all the smiles and glares they give each other like nothing happened. Like he hadn’t come out and said he really loved her. Like she hadn’t said she was going to marry Roy anyway. Like she didn’t let go of his hands and he didn’t walked out the door.

She wants her friend back.

And if she has to put a bowl of fake fruit to fool her office mates to do it, so be it.

In the morning, Creed shines up a red apple and takes a bite.

He takes another three before he notices.

She almost got Dwight, but Angela interrupted him.

At lunch, she sat in the kitchen, staring at all the plastic fruit. The shiny orange, the elongated banana. Jim had always talked about doing this, and it seemed like the perfect bait.

She waited all hour. He didn’t come in to talk to her.

She waited at the end of the day, just playing with what was left of the fruit. Creed left the building with slightly larger pockets, so he probably was the culprit. Finally, Jim walks in with his messenger bag and a look on his face like he’s walking to his doom.

“Hi.” Pam slaps on a fake smile, feeling more phony than the bundle of grapes still in the bowl.

“Plastic fruit?” He asks, sitting down. He puts his messenger bag to the side, and sighs heavily. “You know, I saw Creed take like four bites out of an apple before he realized it was fake.”

“You saw that?” She asks, not having to fake the laughter. “It’s really lame, but it was an attempt to get you to talk to me.”


“What do you want me to say?” He says breathless.

“I don’t know.” She says meekly, looking down at the floor, to her engagement ring, then back at him. “That things aren’t going to be different with us.” He doesn’t speak for a little while, and she starts to feel very apprehensive.

“Pam, I have to tell you something.” He pauses, to make sure he’s got her full attention. And he does. “At the end of the week, I’m transferring to Stamford.”

“What?” The word flies out of her mouth before she has any control. The idea slowly sinks in: Jim, moving, gone.

“I got promoted. I’m leaving Scranton.”

She had no idea what to say. Everything seemed so insensible and specious. She couldn’t beg him to stay, or tell him the truth of how she felt. She can’t say anything.

So she gives him a hug.

It’s bittersweet, because she feels warm, and he still loves the feeling of being close to her. But she’s made her point drastically clear—they don’t have a chance as something more than that. She’s still going to marry him.

He says nothing as he gets up and walks out the kitchen. She just sits, in awe, as he walks away. She didn’t know it was possible to be this heartbroken when your best friend walks out the door. He just walks sullenly to the elevator and down to his car.

He doesn’t say much to her for the rest of the week, either.

She gives him the fruit as a going away present. She can’t look at it without thinking of him.

**********

The bowl of fruit assignment seemed like such a cliché, but the art teacher had assigned it, so Pam was forced to oblige. She had no fruit in her house, and didn’t have time to run to the store.

Her teacher lent her a set of plastic fruit.

She nearly broke down when she had the bowl of plastic fruit, exactly like the one she gave to Jim, sitting in her new apartment when she was all alone.

She painted furiously to get it done as soon as possible. It was a month after her wedding was supposed to happen and two months after Jim confessed. She was so alone, it hurt to even think about Jim, or anything associated with him.

The painting looked rushed. It felt rushed. Her teacher told her it was actually very good, very detailed. Her friends in class thought the same thing, that it showed some kind of emotion she hadn’t really displayed in her work before. But somehow it didn’t really matter. It was a painful memory that she just finished as soon as she could, and that was the end of it.

***

She has successfully pulled a prank with Jim on Andy. It feels nice to have that synchronization back. It’s comforting, knowing that things were starting to feel a little more normal between them. She craved normal.

She craved him.

He comes up to her at the end of the day, holding something in his pocket.

“You know, I was walking by Creed’s desk this morning, and I found this.” He pulls a red plastic apple, and Pam feels the laughter exude from her. He admits that he tried the plastic fruit up in Stamford, using the set he had gotten from her. She feels better knowing that he didn’t just forget about her while he was up in Stamford. Once he’s finished with the story, he beings to leave. “Have a good night, Pam.”

“You too.” She calls out, and realizes he’s put the apple on her desk.

The plastic fruit had worked. A little late, but it had worked nonetheless.

Suddenly the painting wasn’t as painful anymore.

Besides, it fit with her other paintings anyway.

End Notes:
And, your thoughts?
Chapter 5 by WildBerryJam
Author's Notes:
Here's the end folks! Enjoy!

It’s her first day as receptionist, in a paper supply company that is quiet and mind-numbing.  She isn’t quite sure if she wants to be a receptionist her whole life, but this is probably just a temporary job so she can save up for the wedding.  That has yet to be set.  Besides, she gets to see Roy at lunch and they can drive in to work together.  So the job definitely has its benefits.

She feels guilty for getting excited when one of the guys offers to take her to lunch.  She knows she’s engaged, but he seems too nice to say no to.  Having a friend in the office itself, not just in the warehouse, could be nice.  So she grabs her coat, because he says they’re walking to Cugino’s, just a couple blocks away.

She laughs harder than she’s had in months.  She wonders if its possible to be this funny.

“So is Michael always like that?”

“Yeah, pretty much.”  He nods, sipping on coke.  She takes another bite of her tuna sandwich, and he finishes off his ham and cheese.  He used to love tuna sandwiches, but he thought he’d give ham a try this time.  He’s amazed to find how much he loves it.

They leave with fifteen minutes before their lunch break ends.  He tells plenty of anecdotes about his pranks on Dwight, she talks about her childhood and her art.

She stops him at the gate of the parking lot.  The building is so picturesque, and he’s looking like he has a burning question on his mind.  She’ll eventually get it out of him.

“It’s so weird that a building that pretty on the outside can have such weird people like Dwight and Michael in it.”  They both chuckle, the giddiness rising to their heads.  Every single word has suddenly become a joke.  “I think I’m going to paint it sometime.”

“You should.  I would love to see it.”  He says, looking down in bashfulness.  He wants to ask her out again, but he’s suddenly losing all of his backbone.  “In fact, I would love to see all of your art.”

Her brand-new fiancée has never asked to see any of her art.

“Maybe.  I don’t know, it’s not real good or anything.”  She replies, uncertain of anything.  She hates herself for being so self-conscious, but opening up to someone she barely knows is just waiting for pain.

“I’m sure you’re better than you think.”  He says, continuing to walk back into the office.  He plans on asking her out to dinner before the end of the workday.  He had been working there for two years, and he had seen a lot of receptionists.

None of them were like this.

“Hey, thanks for lunch.”  She says, fighting to keep up with him as they head back into the office.  “Roy thought I wasn’t going to meet anyone nice up in there.  Especially under Michael.”

“Roy?”  He asked, starting to feel dizzy.  The elevator started to close in on him as she flashed her hand, which before had been hidden by the sleeve of her coat.  A shiny, pristine engagement ring.  “You’re engaged.”

“We got engaged a week ago.”  She says, bobbing her head with excitement.  “Well, talk to you later?”  She says, walking back behind her desk.  He nods, and grimly sits back down at his desk.  He looks up at her a couple times, thinking about how its such a pity the girl he fits with so well is engaged to someone else.

Reality sucks.

****************

He has been gone a month.  Twenty business days, thirty 24-hour periods.  Each day she finds a new distraction to make her forget about him.  She changes levels on Sudoku.  She rearranges the picture frames on her desk in a chronological order.  She gives Dwight fake messages, and gives spider solitaire a try.  She abandons all hope of having a happy wedding, knowing how he feels.  She leaves her fiancée on the Wednesday before her wedding.  She buys a car, starts driving to work, brings ham and cheese for lunch, gets her own apartment, signs up for art classes and starts to think she is finally in control of her life.

She really isn’t in control at all.

At the end of the day, she is taking her sketches home.  The wind picks a few of the loose ones from the notebook, and she scrambles to gather them.  She picks up three of them, but is forced to the gate to recover the last one.  Once she’s clutching the rough sketch of Jim, doing his Stanley impression, she looks up and realizes she’s at the exact same place she was at on her first day, after her lunch with Jim.  She promised herself to do a watercolor of this place, because she hates to admit it, but she’s grown fond of this place.  More so the people that inhabit it, but that’s another story.  She feels miserable, missing Jim more than anything.

The sky is gray; it looks like it’s going to rain.

She doesn’t care.  It’s been too long since it just poured.

She runs back to her car, puts the sketches on the front seat, and grabs the notebook and a pencil.  For once, she’s going to keep a promise she’s made herself.  She stands in the gate, moving every so often for the few remaining cars in the lot, and just draws the building she used to enjoy coming into.  Back when she had a best friend, and a fiancée, and something more than an empty apartment and a sketchbook.

She fills in the colors at home.  It starts to rain just as she finishes up.

***

He stares at the painting the morning after Pam’s art show.  He regrets not going, but Roy was probably there, so he wouldn’t have even seen her anyway.  Looking at the painting just confirms what he’s known the entire time—she has talent.  Real, undeniable, awe-inspiring talent.

He goes up to her desk once she’s done talking to Jan on the phone.

“Hey.”  She says, trying desperately to mask the anger in her voice.  She had put up that flier in the kitchen so he would see it.  She was too weak to actually invite him, so she hoped he would come anyway.

He points to the frame on the wall.  “I’m glad you painted it like you said you were going to.”  She didn’t think he would actually remember that detail.  It was almost six years ago, and she had barely remembered it.  The fact that he bore that fact in his mind was hope.

Hope that he still cared.

“Oh, and word around the office is that Fancy New Beesley had some amazing art on display.”  He jumps in, taking some m&ms out of the dish on her desk.

She knows no one was actually saying that.  But she doesn’t care.

“I wanted to come, but Jonathon needed someone to watch Hannah, so guess who got volunteered?”

“Oh.”  She says with the realization that he had known.  He wanted to come.

He had wanted to come.

“I would’ve definitely picked your art show over watching Spongebob all night.”  He smiles at her, and all the blood drains from her cheeks.  “Dora the Explorer, that’s a different story.  I might’ve left early for that.”

“Well, its good to know I can at least beat a cartoon sponge.”

“If this painting is any indicator, there will definitely be more art shows where that one came from.”  He looks down as her heart fills with happiness.  He looks over at Karen, locked in her computer and work.  He instantly knows what he needs to do. “I promise, I won’t miss the next one.”  He walks over to Karen’s desk, and says four words before they go into the kitchen together.

She pulls out her notebook.  She’s starting a new collection.  One that isn’t so subtle about how she feels.  She fills in the letters with delicate gray pencil, and draws one last origami crane across the top.   Once she’s content with the work she’s done, she gets up and heads down to the warehouse.  Art takes courage, and she’s going to need a masterpiece when she tells Roy that it isn’t going to work out between them.  But the idea of giving Jim his own work of art confession is giving her strength to handle it.

***********

He didn’t come to work thinking he would have a sloppy breakup with Karen in the kitchen.  He didn’t think he was going to waste most of his day getting death glares from her either.  He wasn’t quite sure if it was a good thing Pam came up from the warehouse, but he tried to distract himself with work until the day was over.

He left for the bathroom just before work was over, and when he returned to grab his bag, there was an envelope with his name on it.  He ripped it open, and pulled out the piece of paper.  Across the top were strings of origami doves, the ones she had made for the office Olympics.

In the center were two hands--one large, one dainty—clutching each other.  The amount of detail she has put into these hands is astonishing.  She drew in the scar on his left thumb where she accidentally shut the cupboard door on him.  (But apologized profusely and even bought him a 12-pack of grape soda until he forgave her.)  And underneath the two hands, in sleek letters, was written I love you.

He looked up and saw her waiting at the door.  He put the drawing in his bag, trying not to ruin it.  This was definitely going to be framed.

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