Dunder Mifflin Paper Company Assistant Regional Manager Jim Halpert spent a great deal of time these days wondering where exactly his life had gone so wrong. He wasn't a bad guy; in fact he considered himself one of the good guys, really. He had a decent job, even if it wasn't the most exciting career in the world, he had a new car, loving parents and siblings, good friends to shoot hoops with, and even a beautiful and smart girlfriend. So why was he so unsatisfied with his life? It was a question he asked himself nearly every night, whether he was in bed alone or lying next to Karen. From the outside everything seemed ideal. But from the inside it was a whole different story.

In bed at night, he imagined different options he could pursue to make himself happier. What if he went back to school and studied for a different profession? What if he picked up and moved to another part of the country? What if he took up a new hobby? But no matter what he came up with, the vision of the life he wanted always included that one elusive part: a clever, adorable woman with hair that just as easily frizzed as curled, who could say a thousand things with a single glance of her hazel eyes. Pam. Karen was a wonderful woman in so many ways, but she just wasn't the one he really wanted, no matter how hard he tried.

When he found himself thinking of Pam, he tried to focus on her faults: how passive she could be, how she was incapable of saying how she really felt about personal things unless pushed to the wall. But even doing that didn't help, as he knew he suffered from the same weaknesses. It was one of the reasons they understood each other so well. Had understood each other, he often corrected himself. Now they were practically strangers, and he told himself that they had both changed so much during their time apart that they probably would never fit together so well again. But then something would happen, like their eyes meeting over a comment Michael made, or that trick they played on Andy that pushed him into anger management classes, and he knows he's telling himself yet another lie. Despite everything, they still have the connection. But the static of their fears, their anger, and the other people they've dragged in to hide behind has made it almost impossible to see it. But he knows, deep down, that it's still there. And it's the reason he just can't seem to let her go.

Pam had recently told Roy about what happened on Casino Night. The only good thing to come of it was Pam's complete dismissal of Roy from her life. Jim had been threatened by Roy shortly afterwards, but nothing had really come of it. The hardest part for Jim was Karen's reaction. She was livid that he'd never told her about Pam and Roy's history, or that he'd kissed Pam just weeks before the wedding. Part of him hoped that she would use this as a reason to break up with him, but instead she clung tighter to him. It was an impossible situation, and he knew he had only himself to blame. His saving grace was knowing that the end of his relationship with Karen was near. If she didn't let him go, she was going to suffocate him with her demands and inquisitions. And at some point he was just going to break and tell her to go to hell. But for now he suffered in silence, something he was always good at doing.

Life suddenly got a little more interesting on an early afternoon just before the arrival of Spring. Jim was eating lunch in the break room, Karen firmly stuck to his side, when Pam and Meredith walked in and sat down at the table next to them. Jim raised his eyebrows in greeting as Pam slightly nodded in response. It was as much as he felt he could get away with before Karen would start to scowl. Kelly soon arrived to join Pam and Meredith, and as Jim ate, he put all his attention into eavesdropping on the trio's conversation.

“I tell you, I am getting so tired of not being able to find a decent guy in this town,” Meredith complained as she dug into her macaroni salad. “Bars are definitely out unless you want to bring home a lush or a bum, and I'm not exactly the type to go meet men at a church social function.”

Kelly nodded. “I am so glad I found my boyfriend Ryan right here at work, because where else would I have had to go to find him? It really sucks that we just can't have some sort of designated place to meet attractive singles.”

“You mean like a cattle auction?” Pam asked, taking a sip from her soda. Jim covered his laugh with a cough, but he saw Pam glance over at him.

“Exactly,” Kelly replied, oblivious to Pam's sarcasm. “People could go and check each other out. It would be so convenient.”

Pam took the foil wrapper off the top of her yogurt. She had brought coconut cream pie flavor today, as a stand against anyone who thought she was completely predictable. “Well, I don't know how successful it is at picking up men,” she began, “but I've been having some fun lately chatting to all sorts of people in IRC.”

“What's that?” Meredith asked.

“You know, online chat groups?” Pam replied.

“Really!” Kelly squealed. “I saw a show - I think it was Ricky Lake - that featured a whole bunch of couples who had met on the Internet in chat rooms. That's an awesome way to meet guys!”

“You mean meet freaks or twelve-year-old boys,” Meredith complained. “No, thank you. I'll take my luck at the bars.” She got out of her seat and headed back to her desk.

“Ignore her,” Kelly said dismissively, as she moved closer to Pam. “So tell me, who have you met online?”

Pam shook her head. “I haven't met any boyfriend material, if that's what you mean. I got started because a few friends from my art class use it as a way to stay in touch over the week. So I set it up on my laptop and home, and found all these different chat rooms with people from all over the world talking in them. It's just been fun talking to people.”

“Wait a minute,” Kelly said. She grabbed a napkin and took a pen out of her pocket. “Now tell me how I get on this IRC stuff.”

Pam proceeded to tell her where to get the download to set up an IRC client, and then told her she had to give it an address to go to. “We talk on the IRC server undernet.org, and the chat room I now hang out in is called #love_stinks.” She watched as Kelly wrote the information on the napkin. “No, you need a pound sign, then love, and an underline then stinks. That's right.”

“So if I get in this chat room tonight, will you be there?”

“Oh, yeah, definitely,” Pam answered, “I've been going on for a little bit each night. It does get a bit addictive though, because the people there are so much fun. Plus, you can be completely outrageous, and no one knows who you are.”

“Wow, and how outrageous are you getting, Pam?” Kelly grinned. “Telling them all your wild sex stories?”

“God, no,” Pam said forcefully, aware of the fact that she knew Jim was listening in on their conversation. “We just joke around.”

“So I'll log on and I'll just see you listed in the room?”

“Well, people usually have some sort of user name that's different from their real name when they are in IRC.”

“What name do you use?”

Pam paused a moment, not sure if she wanted anyone from the office to be able to find her online. She finally decided that Kelly probably wasn't going to follow through with coming to the IRC chat anyway, so she confessed. “I was in a weird mood when I joined, so my online user name is WalkingDisaster. Two words, no spaces, each first letter capitalized.”

“Walking disaster?” Kelly laughed. “What kind of name is that?”

“A perfect illustration of my life,” Pam replied sardonically. “And I need to get back to my desk.”

She stood and tossed the yogurt pot into the trash on her way out. She noticed at some point Karen had left the break room, so when she walked past Jim still having lunch she felt comfortable enough to give him a small smile. The smile he gave her back tugged at her heart, and she wished for the millionth time that things were different.

Jim could hardly believe the wealth of information he had been privy to as the women chatted. He hadn't been in an IRC chat room in ages, but the knowledge that Pam had started doing so made him want to run right out and reinstall the software on his computer.

His afternoon was filled with thoughts of Pam spending her evenings talking in a chat room called #love_stinks. What did she talk about? Did she rant about her years with Roy? Did she ever mention what happened between the two of them? Did she flirt with guys there? He thought he would love to be a fly on the wall in that chat room.

Then the idea hit him - he could be a fly on the wall. All he'd have to do is invent a persona and a user name that couldn't easily be tied to him, and he could join in on the conversations. He knew what her user name was, so he could just sit back and read what she wrote. It was probably not the politest thing to do, and he was sure she'd be very angry if she found out he was, in truth, spying on her, but the idea was too potent to ignore. He wanted so much to know what was going on in her life these days that he was willing to do something that he otherwise would consider rather pathetic.

He emailed Karen at four o'clock to tell her he wasn't feeling well and broke their dinner date for the evening. She looked over at him with a frown when she read the email, and frowned even more when he turned down her suggestion that she could come over and take care of him. Jim told her he'd make it up to her, but he knew his apology didn't sound very genuine. He was already too wrapped up in the idea of infiltrating the #love_stinks chat room.

He reached for his coat at exactly five o'clock. He glanced over at Pam as he put it on, and they exchanged quiet smiles. He thought she looked sad and tired, and he wished he could go over and ask what was wrong and what he could do to make things better. But Karen was still at her desk, and he didn't even need to look back at her to know she was watching him. He was really getting tired of the whole prison guard routine she'd mastered, he thought irritably. He stepped over to Pam's desk, feeling rebellious.

“Have fun in your chat rooms tonight,” he told her with a grin.

He was rewarded with smile, and a slight flush of embarrassment. “Oh, yeah,” she replied.

“You doing okay?” He asked.

“Sure,” she replied, this time not meeting his eyes. “Why wouldn't I be?”

“Just checking,” he shrugged. He could see she was anything but okay. He wished more than anything that she could just be honest with him. But he could hardly beat it out of her with a room full of witnesses, though the idea did amuse him. “Have a good night, Beesly.”

Once home, Jim threw his bag, suit jacket and tie on the chair in the living room as he grabbed a beer and headed upstairs. He booted up his laptop while he changed into jeans and a t-shirt, and not long after installed an IRC client. He had spent the drive home thinking up a username and a background for his new online identity. He hesitated to log in immediately as it seemed unlikely that Pam would already be online. He forced himself to go downstairs and make himself some dinner. He ate a few sandwiches, leafed through some bills and junk mail, then grabbed a few more beers to bring upstairs with him.

It was just about seven o'clock when he joined the #love_stinks chat.

Leikha> and then he said didn't think his wife would appreciate the call.

MairzyDoats> OMG. I wouldn't think so!

TooMuchTrouble> Hey, Squirrel

Jim did a quick check of who was in the room, and did not see Pam's username. He wasn't really expecting her to be there already, he just hoped he didn't have too long to wait.

Squirrel_McPants> Hey

MairzyDoats> Are you new here, Squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah

MairzyDoats> Welcome! Do you know someone who already chats here, or did you just find us?

Squirrel_McPants> Oh - I heard the name mentioned once a while back - I don't remember where exactly.

Leikha> So you're hear to commiserate over the suckiness of love? :)

Lokien as entered the room.

Squirrel_McPants> Something like that. :)

MairzyDoats> hey Lokien

Leikha> Hi Loki!!

Vexin> LOKIEN!!!

TooMuchTrouble> hey Loki

MairzyDoats> I need to get to class - later guys.

Jim kept an eye on the chat room as he sat back and opened up another beer. If first impressions were anything to go by, they seemed like a relatively normal group of people. He was able to guess with reasonable certainty who were men and who were women, and despite the name of the channel they talked about a wide range of ordinary things, including the pitfalls of current and past romances. Jim had just commented on a question by Vexin when Lokien jumped in.

Lokien> So, McPants - what's your story? Why do you think love stinks?

WalkingDisaster has entered the room.

TooMuchTrouble> WD!

WalkingDisaster> Hey, everyone :)

Leikha> Hi Walking!

Vexin> I was wondering when you were going to get here! What did Mr. Wonderful do today?

WalkingDisaster> LOL - Don't even get me started on him just yet. What's going on with you guys today?

Lokien> The new guy was about to tell us his reasons for joining.

WalkingDisaster> The new guy? Oh - Squirrel_McPants?? OMG, what an incredibly cool name! I think I love you already. :-D What brings you here?

Jim didn't have a clue what to type next.

Jim stared at his computer screen, momentarily stunned by a multitude of thoughts. [Now what do I say? She likes, no LOVES, my username - points for me there. Who the HELL is Mr. Wonderful?]

Leikha> I thought you had art class on Thursday, WD

WalkingDisaster> No, this quarter is Mondays and Wednesdays.

Lokien> didn't you say one of those classes was about doing portraits?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, kinda - it's drawing the human form.

Vexin> you do plan on asking Mr. Wonderful if you can draw his form, don't you??

WalkingDisaster> - LOL! I wish! I'm sure his girlfriend would have something to say about that. She practically growls when he as much as looks over at my desk. ;)

[Wait a minute - she is NOT talking about me, is she??]

Lokien> well, you are a very beautiful woman, WD. Maybe you are misinterpreting the growl. Maybe it's really you she's after.

WalkingDisaster> Oh yeah. That would explain SO many things. :P You still with us, Squirrel_McPants?

Squirrel_McPants> sorry, had to step away from my computer a minute.

[Nice save, Halpert. At least that sounds better than 'Sorry, I was overwhelmed by your arrival.']

Lokien> so what's your story, mcpants?

Leikha> you don't have to tell us if you don't want to, squirrel. Lokien's just nosy.

Squirrel_McPants> that's fine. I've been fighting with my girlfriend lately, so I guess I found your chatroom name to be fairly appropriate to how I've been feeling.

[That's nearly the truth, at least.]

TooMuchTrouble> sorry to hear that. Have you been together long?

WalkingDisaster> We'll do our best to cheer you up in here. Or at least offend you. :D

Squirrel_McPants> thanks. We've been together about six months.

Leikha> what have you been fighting about?

Squirrel_McPants> stupid little things, but I'm starting to think the real root of the problem lies deeper than the causes of the fights, you know?

WalkingDisaster> Yep, been there.

Vexin> so what's the Big Thing?

WalkingDisaster> (That's what she said!) ;-)

[Nice, Beesly. Spread the love.]

Vexin> stop it, WD. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> I just don't think she's The One.

[Not entirely true. I know she's not The One.]

Lokien> phfft. No such thing as The One. She is good looking?

Squirrel_McPants> yes, she's very pretty.

Lokien> then stick with the regular sex and forget about the rest.

Leikha> LOKIEN!!!

WalkingDisaster> Shut up, Loki!! You are such a pig. Geesh. Ignore him, Squirrel. :P

Lokien> what? I'm sure he knows what I'm talking about.

Vexin> loki, you are too bitter for your own good. That's why we love you. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Well, I still believe in there being The One for someone, Squirrel - so don't give up on that if you believe it too!!

Vexin> oh you would, WD - you've got Mr. Wonderful.

WalkingDisaster> Oh yeah, I've SO got him. That's why he told me to have fun in here tonight, as opposed to him suggesting he and I go have fun in my bedroom. ;-)

[What the....????]

Vexin> I keep telling you - just ASK him. I'm sure he'd be glad to oblige.

SaintSimon has entered the room.

TooMuchTrouble> why did he tell you to have fun in here?

Leikha> hiya simon

WalkingDisaster> He was in the break room today when I was telling a co-worker about you freaks.

Lokien> SIMON!!!!!

SaintSimon> LOKIEN!!!!!!

Lokien> dude, where the hell have you been??

SaintSimon> vacation, idiot. You knew that.

Vexin> hey simon

WalkingDisaster> Simon!! *hugs* Good to see you back!

Lokien> wait - you did WHAT, Walking? And you don't think he's going to follow you in here to listen to you talk on and on and on about him?

SaintSimon> hey vexin, hey leikha

SaintSimon> Walking! *hugs* :D

[Who is this guy and why is he only hugging Pam?]

WalkingDisaster> LOL! Loki, he'd have to care about me to want to do that! I told you before, he's 'evolved' now. No time for mousy receptionists anymore!

[Ouch! I never said that!]

WalkingDisaster> Simon, how was the trip?

Lokien> you never know, WD - I mean mcpants here is new! Maybe mcpants is Mr. Wonderful in disguise!

SaintSimon> good; I'll let you know when I upload the photos.

WalkingDisaster> - Oh right! Squirrel, do you break out into a cold sweat at just the mere thought of beets?

Squirrel_McPants> No.

WalkingDisaster> What would you do with Jell-o if given the opportunity?

Squirrel_McPants> Eat it?

WalkingDisaster> - See? Point proven. I'm sorry Lokien accused you of being a fickle heartbreaker, Squirrel.

Squirrel_McPants> no offense taken.

[fickle heartbreaker???]

Vexin> be nice, WD - you are talking about your One True Love. ;)

WalkingDisaster> Heh. Some days he seems a little less True than others.

TooMuchTrouble> why? what did he do today besides tell you to have fun in here?

WalkingDisaster> Oh, nothing. I'm just being cranky.

Leikha> maybe that's the point - he didn't do anything!

TooMuchTrouble> but walking never does anything either, and she has no excuse - we at least know how she feels. Maybe he is over her.

WalkingDisaster> Listen, I know I've got the most screwed up love life in here, but let's move on to someone else for now.

Vexin> you okay, walking?

WalkingDisaster> I'm just tired. Oh, and the guy I love is dating someone way more beautiful and successful than I am. Excuse me while I go bang my head against a brick wall as hard as I can. Oh wait, I do that now by continuing to love someone who does not love me anymore!

Lokien> walking, why don't you tell us how you really feel? We can take it. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> aiiiiiigh!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lokien> :-)

WalkingDisaster> Sorry. I feel a little bit better now. :)

Vexin> LOL!!!

SaintSimon> WD: *hugs* That's why we're here.

[Why does he keep hugging her??]

WalkingDisaster> Thanks, guys. If I hadn't found you all I'd be dead by now.

Leikha> Don't say that!

Vexin> Nice thought, WD! *smack*

Squirrel_McPants> Wow. That sounds like a difficult situation.

[Weak! But it keeps her talking...]

WalkingDisaster> Ha. You don't know the half of it.

[Try me.]

Squirrel_McPants> Does he know how you feel?

Vexin> That would be a big fat NO.

WalkingDisaster> Vexin, you know it's not that simple. Squirrel, it's a long story. Let's just say I had a plan once to tell him, but he beat me to the punch by telling me he was seeing someone. Kinda felt pointless to say anything after I met his girlfriend.

Squirrel_McPants> I could see how that might be awkward.

WalkingDisaster> Only thing more awkward is that I see both of them every single day because we all work in the same office.

[You want awkward, Beesly? Try it from my vantage point.]

Squirrel_McPants> oh.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, oh. Some days I think I'd feel better if I just stabbed pencils in my eyes instead of go into work and face them.

Squirrel_McPants> Number 2 wooden ones or mechanical pencils?

WalkingDisaster> LOL! I've always kind of pictured it being the Number 2s.

Squirrel_McPants> yeah, that's what I would go with as well. You can get a good sharp point on those.

WalkingDisaster> :)

Squirrel_McPants> Do they make it hard to work there because they are all over each other?

WalkingDisaster> No, it's more the fact that every time I look up from my desk I see him (well, the back of him, actually) and I hear a little voice in my head that reminds me how much I blew it.

Lokien> listen, I gotta split. Nice chatting, as always. Hang in there, WD. :-)

Lokien has left the room.

Jim pushed his chair back from both his desktop and the chat that was continuing to on without him. He was aware that his hands were shaking, and ran them both through his hair in an attempt to calm himself down. In the space of less than a half hour, he had just learned more about what was going on inside Pam's mind than in all the time since he'd been back in Scranton, and he found himself struggling to process it all.

The absolutely most important bit of information echoed like his own heartbeat: she loved him. She had said it herself. Pam loved him. Every problem, every irritation currently afflicting his life seemed to suddenly pale against this realization. He hadn't been completely crazy to cling to the hope that somehow things could work out between them.

But just as suddenly as the faint rush of joy had reached him, he experienced a sickening feeling. How could he explain his sudden knowledge of her affections? That he'd gone this long unaware of her feelings was proof that either she was the best actress never to grace the stage, or that he was completely oblivious to any subtle hints she'd ever sent out. He put his money on the latter choice, and therefore if he acted as if he just knew she loved him, he might as well go ahead and out himself with the truth of his spying.

Then there was Karen. Despite his current duplicity, he wouldn't feel right approaching Pam if he was still tied to Karen. And even if he attempted to break things off with Karen tomorrow, he knew it would not go as easily has he would wish it. He regretted more and more his decision to jump into a relationship prior to coming back. Especially now that it appeared Pam had been lying in wait with an offer of more than just friendship. Jim thought banging his head against a brick wall seemed like a pretty good idea at the moment, too.

He listened in on the chat conversation a little longer. He longed to talk more to Pam, but he was feeling so overwhelmed that he feared he'd easily give himself away. Vexin made another passing reference to Mr. Wonderful, and Jim was embarrassed to remember the earlier comments. He knew now that Mr. Wonderful was obviously him, and he could practically hear the sarcasm behind the title every time it was used. Clearly Pam had vented her frustration about him often enough to earn him the nickname. He wondered if it was coined by Pam herself or one of the other chatters. Either way, he didn't doubt that he probably deserved it, even if he could argue that Pam didn't deserve much sympathy for remaining quiet about her feelings for all this time. This really was quite a fucked up situation, he thought, all things considered.

It was nearly nine-thirty when Pam made a comment that she was going to sign off and go to bed.

Leikha> yeah I should probably get out of here soon myself

TooMuchTrouble> see you again tomorrow, wd?

WalkingDisaster> Same bat time!

Vexin> same bat channel! ;)

Squirrel_McPants> Good night, WalkingDisaster

WalkingDisaster> Hey squirrel! I thought you'd left

Squirrel_McPants> I got caught up doing other things. I'm surprised you'd even noticed.

WalkingDisaster> I told you, I love your name! It would be hard not to notice you. :-)

[Why can't she be like this all the time?]

Squirrel_McPants> you seem awfully flirty for someone who says she's not noticed by the guy she's in love with.

WalkingDisaster> well, real life and chat life are two different things.

Squirrel_McPants> maybe you would do better if they weren't.

WalkingDisaster> maybe I would. :) Good night, guys!

WalkingDisaster has left the room.

And with that she was gone. He felt her presence disappear as strongly as if she had actually been standing in the room with him and then she vanished. His instincts told him to call her, visit her - find some excuse to just go and see her tonight. But he couldn't. As much he wanted to, and God! how he wanted to, he just couldn't. There were too many unanswered questions, too big of a chance that he somehow misunderstood. Still the hindrence of Karen. He logged off IRC immediately after her, without saying goodbye to anyone, and he sat at his desk with his head in his hands for a very long time, wondering what in the world would come next.

When Jim finally went to bed, sleep eluded him. It didn't surprise him, because he couldn't get the conversation out of his head. What was he going to do? Tossing and turning only resulted in the unsatisfactory answer that he would just have to listen in on the chat again. They were a decent group of people, and maybe he could learn more about what Pam was feeling, or how best to approach her. He smiled into the darkness as he thought of her comments. Even though she was only represented by a collection of words on his monitor, it was so easy to imagine her face - her expressions - as she talked. He could even hear her laugh every time she typed LOL. He rolled over onto his stomach and balled his pillow up, wrapping his arms around it. He'd never felt so close to her, yet still so far away. He absolutely needed to talk to her online more. Maybe if he could build a rapport with her, he could understand her silence all this time. He could find a way to make this all right. It would no longer hurt everytime he saw her.

Damn it! A new fear ran through his body - in less than eight hours he was going to be face-to-face with her at work. How in the hell was he going to manage to act like he didn't know she loved him? Jim finally drifted off to sleep, disturbed by dreams of Karen and Pam shouting at him for various offences, while Kevin sat giggling in the background.

Morning came too early for Jim. Lacking sleep and full of questions, he attempted to put some effort into his appearance, but the face that look back at him wasn't impressed with his attempts. He drove into work in a daze, and it wasn't until he pulled into Dunder Mifflin's parking lot that he remembered he was supposed to pick up Karen today. He cursed himself and quickly called her on his cell phone.

“Hey,” he said tentatively when he heard her pick up the phone, “You aren't going to believe what I've done this morning.”

“I might, Halpert.” Her tone didn't seem as cordial as he had been hoping for.

“I guess I'm still feeling a bit under the weather, because I drove straight to work without remembering to pick you up this morning. I am so sorry, Karen.”

“I was wondering where you were,” she said.

Jim listened to the silence on her end of the line for a moment, then felt the need to say something else. “So, I guess I'll just meet you here in a little bit then?”

“You aren't coming back to get me?”

“Well, I am already here,” Jim replied, surprised she'd suggest such a thing.

“Yes, so you said.” Karen sighed, her annoyance clear. “Fine, Jim. I'll see you later.” She hung up before Jim could say anything else.

He sighed too, for him a sign of acquiescence. There would be another talk coming soon, he expected. But he knew it would be the last one, whether through her decision or his. It was time to work on simplifying his life.

He sighed again and got out of his car. As he shut his door, he saw Pam's little blue car pull into the parking lot. He felt unable to move as he watched her park her car a half dozen spaces down from him. When she got out of her car, he felt his heart start to beat irratically, and he pushed his hands into his coat pockets because they had started to feel clammy and he couldn't be sure he wouldn't do something to embarrass himself like reach out and grab her and ask her for the truth. He paced his walk to the building as slowly as he could, and was rewarded with her arrival at the elevator coinciding nicely with his. He looked over at her, all spiral curls and flushed cold cheeks and couldn't help but smile warmly at her. She just looked so lovely.

“What?” Pam asked him, smiling back.

“What?” Jim replied. “I'm just smiling. Is that a crime around here now?”

They walked into the elevator together. Jim pressed the button, then put his hand back into his pocket.

“Not a crime,” Pam replied, staring ahead at the polished doors. “I just thought something nice must have happened, since I haven't seen you smile like that in a while.”

The doors opened and Pam walked out before he could reply. He easily caught up with her, and opened the door to the office for her, trying to think of what he could say in reply.

“Maybe I'm just tired of being serious all the time,” he finally said as he hung his coat on the rack next to hers. He stood at her desk for a moment, picking out a few jelly beans, enjoying the fact he had her full attention. “Maybe evolving isn't all it's cracked up to be, you know?”

As he sat down at his desk he knew he risked revealing himself with such a comment, but it had felt so worth it for the complete look of surprise on Pam Beesly's face.

When Karen walked into the office thirty minutes later, Jim knew it was going to be a long day. He was standing at the copier and gave her an apologetic smile as he saw her. She looked at him as she hung up her coat, but her expression was cool and blank. Jim picked up his papers, and before he walked away he noticed Pam watching him. Their eyes met, and he raised his eyebrows, as if to tell her he had no idea what he was doing anymore. She grinned as she turned away to answer the phone, and he let the warmth of her response cushion him against the coming interaction with Karen.

“Hey,” he said to Karen, leaning against her desk. “I really am so sorry about this morning. I didn't sleep well, and just wasn't thinking.”

She stood up. “Let's talk in the kitchen,” she said in a low voice. She turned and walked away, leaving him no choice but to follow.

Once in the kitchen Karen took a seat at the small round table, her back against the wall. “Do you remember why I wanted you to pick me up this morning?” She asked Jim.

Seated across from her, his back to the rest of the kitchen area, he could only shake his head. “I'm afraid I don't. Did we have something planned for tonight?” He sincerely hoped the answer was no, as he wanted nothing more than to sit in front of his computer tonight, talking to Pam and her friends. He could tell from her expression that he wasn't going to get his wish.

“My parents are arriving this afternoon. I asked for us to drive in to work together so we could leave a bit early and meet them for dinner at the Boat Club at Lake Wallenpaupack,” Karen explained slowly.

Jim shook his head like he was trying to chase away a bad dream. “Lake Wallenpaupack? When did you mention this?” Visions of last year's Booze Cruise immediately surfaced, and he remembered his vow to never set foot near that particular body of water again. “I would have remembered you telling me about a dinner out at Lake Wallenpaupack.”

“I told you on Wednesday that they decided to come up,” she insisted. “You probably weren't listening.”

“Why do we need to drive all the way out there just for dinner?”

“My father has very exclusive tastes,” she replied, sounding a little defensive. “He wasn't very thrilled about coming all the way up here to Scranton to begin with.”

“Then why is he?” Jim asked flippantly. He was starting to get a little worried about the direction this conversation was headed.

“Because I've wanted you to meet my parents for some time now and you have backed off of every suggestion I've made that we go down there to see them.”

Jim felt a wave of panic wash over him, as if suddenly all the air had been sucked out of the room and he knew he had less than a minute to find a new supply of oxygen. “What?” He replied, aware how strangled his voice sounded. How could he have missed the signs that Karen was eager to push their relationship to next level? “Shouldn't you have consulted me first? Maybe asked me if I wanted to meet your parents?”

“Don't you?” she asked, the accusation in her voice clear.

“Karen, I think at the very least you could have asked me how I felt about it first. You've never asked me to meet your parents before - your suggestions to drive down to Connecticut were always about seeing your friends, or going to the city.” Jim paused, trying to find the words that would neither hurt nor anger her. “I don't think I feel comfortable meeting your parents. I'm not sure we really have the issues in our relationship sorted out to be presenting ourselves as a couple like that.”

“Well after all the talking we've done lately, forgive me if I thought things were better between us.” She said.

He knew she was getting angry, but frankly so was he. “Being better and inviting your parents to come view us as some happy couple are two completely different things. Forgive me if I don't wish to be put on display for judgment as boyfriend material.”

“So are you saying that you aren't going to go tonight?”

“I don't think it's a good idea, no.” When he met her gaze he was surprised to see she was starting to cry. He reached for her hand, but she pulled it away. He wave his hand back in frustration. “I'm sorry, Karen, I really am.”

“You don't understand,” she said, angrily wiping her tears away. “It was a big deal to get them to come up here, and I am going to look like a fool in front of them if you don't come with me. So I need you to come tonight, and I need you to act like you want to be there. If you care about me at all you'll do this for me.”

Jim closed his eyes and ran a hand through his hair. He didn't see a way he could get out of this unless he broke up with her right then and there, and that wasn't something he was emotionally ready to undertake.

“Of course I care about you,” he sighed. “But why do they think they are coming up here to meet me? How serious did you tell them we were?”

Karen had the conscience to look guilty. “They know I moved up here to be with you,” she began. “Naturally they are curious to see what sort a man could cause me to do that.” She saw his frown and added “Look, there's not going to be an inquisition - they just want to meet you. It's not as big a deal as you seem to think it is.”

He was about to say that he never asked her to follow him here, but then he remembered that he had indeed encouraged her to move to Scranton. Move and be his defense against Pam. Yet another bad decision, Halpert, he thought. And he began to feel like he had no choice but to go to this dinner tonight.

“Fine,” he finally said, sounding as beaten as he felt. “I'll go, but we'll take separate cars.”

“Why?”

“Because as I have been saying since yesterday, I haven't been feeling well. I've been getting really bad headaches and if one develops tonight I don't want to feel stuck there, or make you leave your parents too early. It would just be easier this way.”

Karen was obviously displeased with his request, but she finally agreed. The firmness of his voice made it clear it was not a negotiable position. He had made up the headache excuse, of course - his reason for wanting to have means of a quick getaway was so that he could get back home at a reasonable hour tonight, and hopefully still catch Pam online.

Jim was standing up to go back to his desk when the kitchen door swung open and Pam walked in. His heart did a little flip when he saw the startled look on her face, clearly surprised to see the two of them. Jim felt a bit guilty, knowing what he now knew about how she felt whenever she saw him and Karen together. He wanted to tell her that things were going to be changing soon, but all he could manage was a look that he hoped conveyed his unhappiness in putting her through all of this.

As Pam crossed his path on the way to the sink, his hand brushed against her lower back. She had stopped in her tracks when she felt him brush against her, and for a moment he could feel her warmth, even through her bulky blue cardigan, and it felt like electricity running through his fingers. Yeah, he thought, things are going to be changing soon. He walked out of the kitchen feeling more positive than he had in a while, even with the dinner looming later that night.

Jim started in on his final sales calls of the week, and as his gaze wandered over the office, he noticed Karen wasn't back at her desk yet. He swiveled around in his chair and saw Pam was missing, too. He tried to see if they were both still in the kitchen, but the view wasn't clear from where he sat. He had just finished up his first call when Karen walk out of the kitchen, smiling to herself. As she sat down she smiled over at Jim. He smiled back, but the sentiment never reached his eyes.

He was in the middle of his third phone call when he saw Pam coming back to her desk. Despite the looks they'd shared all morning, when she walked past his desk she purposely averted her eyes away from him and bowed her head down. He immediately knew something was wrong. He also knew that he wasn't in a position to get up and find out exactly what the problem was. So instead he spent the morning focused on making sales calls, turning his concern and worry about Pam into a warm and friendly sales pitch to customers who already knew and loved him. By the time early afternoon had arrived, he'd put in more orders in those few hours than he had in the four previous days combined. He just wished he got more satisfaction out of the whole experience. Instead he was back to wondering what was wrong with Pam.

He decided to go out for lunch, and stopped at the reception desk to pick up a few jelly beans before leaving. He thought he might even ask Pam if she wanted to come along, but as he arrived at her desk she stood up, and without even a glance in his direction she grabbed a few folders and headed for Michael's office. Whatever was wrong was clearly his fault, or so it seemed to Jim. As he walked out to his car he decided he'd leave her alone for the rest of the afternoon, and just hoped he'd find out what was going on when he logged on to IRC later that night.

He arrived back at the office with a ham and cheese sub for himself and a packet of French Onion Sun Chips for his favorite receptionist. She finally looked up at him when he dropped the small bag of chips directly onto the papers she was so carefully sorting.

“Peace offering,” he said.

“For what?” She asked.

“You tell me.”

They just stared at each other, Jim refusing to be the first to look away. Pam finally lowered her eyes, and moved the chips to the side of her desk. “I don't know what you are talking about,” she said quietly.

“Well, when you do, you know where to find me.” Jim walked back into the break room to grab a drink and eat his lunch, still wondering what had happened to change Pam's demeanor so significantly. The last few hours of the afternoon passed quickly, and when Jim and Karen left at four o'clock to meet her parents, Jim made one final attempt to talk to Pam.

“Have a good weekend, Pam,” he said, as he walked toward the door. She didn't even look up, just weakly waved her hand in his general direction, almost as if she were shooing him away instead of wishing him well. He shook his head and followed Karen out the door, hoping he would survive the upcoming dinner.

The drive along PA Route 590 to Lake Wallenpaupack was really quite beautiful, even though winter still has its grasp on the bare trees and brown hillsides. Jim had his music playing loudly as he followed Karen's car toward the Boat Club, and for the moment he could pretend he was going somewhere he really wanted to go. The illusion was short-lived however, and when he arrived at the Boat House, he could tell by the way Karen clung to his side the minute he exited his car that things were not going to go well for him.

As they entered the Boat Club, Jim felt he was way out of his league. From the dark hardwood and brass fittings, to the luxurious carpets and expensive leather furniture in the sitting rooms, the place smelled like money to Jim. “Am I paying for dinner?” he asked Karen, hoping he didn't sound as intimidated as he felt.

She laughed. “Don't worry about it, Halpert. I'm sure Daddy isn't going to let you pay for a thing.”

Great, he thought. So I'll have to appear grateful as well as act like I belong here. He started to think he felt a real migraine approaching.

“Mom!” Karen cried, grabbing Jim's arm and dragging him with her. “Daddy!” They crossed the room to reach an older, well-dressed couple that Jim rightly assumed to be Karen's parents. Jim took a few steps back while Karen hugged each parent, waiting patiently to be introduced.

“Daddy, this is Jim. Jim, this is my father, Lorenzo Filippelli.”

The two men shook hands, and the contrast in physical attributes could not be more different. Jim was tall where Mr. Filippelli was of average height. Mr. Filippelli was not quite fat, but had a certain round in comparison to Jim's lankiness. Jim was certainly more fair-skinned, while it was easy to see that Karen's fine olive complexion came from her father. Jim tried to maintain a friendly countenance as Mr. Filippelli eyed him critically, but had to hold back a laugh when Jim was sure he heard Karen's father make an audible snort as his only verbal acknowledgment of Jim's presence. Yes, Jim thought, this really is going to be my worst nightmare.

If Karen noticed the lack of manners on her father's part, she certainly didn't show it. Instead she introduced Jim to her mother, who was at least gracious enough to say hello as the two shook hands.

“Is our table ready?” Lorenzo Filippelli asked no one in particular.

Karen threaded her arm through Jim's. “Follow us, Daddy. I'm sure we can be seated immediately.”

Settled in around their table, with a gorgeous view of the lake, all Jim could think about what how soon he could make his getaway. The silence at the table was staggering, as Karen's father seemed content to grumble his way through the reading the menu and her mother took delicate sips of her water. Karen attempted to engage her parents in conversation, but their answers were short and clipped, and then they went back to peering at the menu. Jim looked over at Karen while she shrugged helplessly back at him.

Once the ordering was done, and wine brought to the table at the request of Karen's mother, her father began to talk about life back home in Connecticut. He occasionally asked Jim questions on matters such as where he had traveled or if he had any interest in working in the financial sector, but it was clear that Mr. Filippelli really didn't care what Jim's replies were.

“You really should think about how you want your life remembered, even at your young age,” Lorenzo Filippelli said. “Some people spend their lives in a haphazard manner, reaching with uneven fistfuls of experiences here and there, and in the end don't have much to show for it.” He took a long sip of wine. “On the other hand, I have measured out my life with coffee spoons. From an early age I knew what I wanted and how to go about getting it, moving up little by little until I reached the top and had the rest of my life to enjoy.” He pointed a finger at Jim. “Which type of man are you going to be?”

“Jim is definitely moving up, Daddy,” Karen interjected, the look she directed at Jim a warning not to interrupt. “He started out as a sales rep for Dunder Mifflin and now he's Assistant Regional Manager.”

“Eh,” Mr. Filippelli snorted. “An assistant is still just someone else's lackey,” he said dismissively.

Jim just shook his head and drank more of his water. He had originally planned to stay through dessert. At this point he was wondering if he should just bolt before the entrees arrived.

As Mrs. Filippelli drank more wine, she began talking more. She was clearly the more social of Karen's parents, and soon she and Karen were filling the silence with reports of distant family members and the latest events at Mrs. Filippelli's garden club. Jim smiled politely whenever Mrs. Filippelli made a comment in his direction, but he had absolutely nothing to add to the conversation. Fortunately the meals arrived before Mrs. Filippelli ran out of things to say, and Jim begant to hope that he could see the end of this disaster in sight.

His mind started to wander back where it always did, and he wished that whatever had been bothering Pam earlier had sorted itself out. He glanced frequently at his watch, calculating when would be the earliest he could get back home and into the chat room.

He was so lost in his own thoughts that he didn't hear Mr. Filippelli's question. It wasn't until he noticed that they all were staring at him that realized he was expected to speak. “I'm sorry, I afraid I didn't hear you,” he began politely.

“I asked you what your intentions were with respect to my daughter, Mr. Halpert,” Karen's father said rather gruffly.

Jim's eyes grew wide, and when he glanced at Karen she was looking down at her pasta bowl. Jim cleared his throat. “I am afraid I don't have an answer for you on that, Sir,” he said, as respectfully as he could.

“Excuse me?” Her father said, clearly taken aback by Jim's answer.

Jim put his napkin down on the table and stood up. “Actually, I think you need to excuse me. It was very nice to meet you both.”

Jim strode out of the dining room and through the lobby. He heard Karen call his name as he walked out the main door, but he didn't stop until he reached his car. He finally turned toward her.

“Jim, I'm sorry - I swear I didn't know he was going to ask that,” Karen pleaded, clearly upset. “Please come back inside.”

“No, I'm sorry, Karen. Truly. But I can't stay. Feel free to tell them whatever you like. I don't mind being the villain.” He opened his car door, and she grabbed his arm.

“Can I come over later tonight?” She asked. She looked hopeful and desperate, and despite her loveliness he couldn't bring himself to pretend things could get better between them. He didn't want to hurt her, but he knew what was waiting for him at home. It might sound outrageous to any other man, but online interaction with the woman he loved meant more to him than having a flesh and blood substitute.

“I don't think that's a good idea,” he said softly.

As he pulled out of the parking lot, he saw her walking slowly back to the Boat Club. He did feel guilty leaving her like that, but as he drove back to Scranton, he felt better about his decision. He had been pushed into a corner, whether Karen meant for it to happen or not, and it was better to break free now instead of later. While he knew things with Karen were not completely over yet, this was a major step in the right direction.

It was seven-thirty when Jim walked through the door of his apartment, and he headed immediately upstairs. He was still in his suit jacket when his slid into his desk chair and brought up his IRC client. When he joined the channel, he was disappointed to find that Pam was not there. He decided to hang around to see if she would eventually come by. There was nothing else for him to do at this point anyway, he thought. His only mission for the night was talking to her.


sholva> I don't expect I'll get to that for years.

MairzyDoats> Hey, Squirrel!

Vexin> Squirrelly! You know, WD is right - you have an awesome user name. :-D

Squirrel_McPants> Thanks, Vexin. :-)

Lokien> welcome back, mcpants - you disappeared on us last night, right after WD left.

[Oh shit, that's right. I completely bailed after Pam left. Not too obvious doing that, huh?]

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, sorry about that. My wireless connection completely fucked up last night. I had to buy a new box today to get it back online.

[Let's hope they believe that.]

sholva> I had that happen to me last month. It's more than a bit frustrating when you find yourself unable to sleep at 2am and don't have an internet connection!

Squirrel_McPants> Tell me about it. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> So what's happening around here?

SaintSimon> Not too much. Another wonderful Friday night stuck here with you losers.

MairzyDoats> Nice one, Simon. We love you too. :D

SaintSimon> You know what I mean.

Leikha> Yeah, but at least you go out on dates, Simon. Didn't you meet that girl in Vegas when you were out there last week?

sholva> It doesn't count as a date if he had to pay her, Leikha. ;)

SaintSimon> Fuck off, sholva. ;) She said she would have done me for free if she had the choice. That has to count for something!

Vexin> LOL!!!!

Leikha> It does, Simon. ;-)

Vexin> I'm still worried about Walking. She was pretty upset when she left.

[Oh shit. What happened??]

Leikha> yeah, I really hope she comes back and talks to us some more.

SaintSimon> It really wasn't like her to just bail on us like that. I wish there was some way to contact her. Do you guys know anything personal about her so I could try and find her?

[Back off, lover boy.]

Lokien> I still think that bitch lied to her.

Vexin> I wouldn't put it past her. Walking's told us how possessive she's been in the past, especially around her.

[Karen?]

MairzyDoats> The only thing that bugs me is why she would say something like that? I mean it's going to be obvious pretty quickly if she was lying or not.

Vexin> The point may have been just to get the dig in. Women can be so evil when it comes to men.

Squirrel_McPants> what are you guys talking about??

MairzyDoats> WalkingDisaster was in here earlier and she was just really upset.

Leikha> You know that she's in love with this guy at work who has a girlfriend?

Vexin> Well, it's a bit more complicated than that, and I think you were here yesterday when she was talking a bit about him? We like to call him Mr. Wonderful. ;)

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, I remember. Did he say something to upset her?

MairzyDoats> He's not that bad, Vexin. Even she says he is really is wonderful, despite the situation.

Vexin> She would. She's too frakkin' nice for her own good.

[Come on, get back to what happened!!]

Lokien> anyway, it wasn't him. it was the girlfriend.

[Sonofabitch. What the hell did Karen do?]

Squirrel_McPants> oh?

MairzyDoats> Apparently the GF told her that they were meeting her parents for dinner and she made it sound like it was a really important dinner. Like their relationship was moving to the next level because of this big dinner.

Vexin> That's not exactly what Walking said. She said the GF told her that she and Mr. Wonderful were meeting her parents because they were going to tell them some important news. And then the GF smiled and rubbed her ring finger on her right hand as she walked away.

Lokien> What WD actually said was the girlfriend had made it very clear that the two of them were going to be getting engaged. If not tonight, soon.

[She did what??? Shit. Fuck. Damn HER!!!!! Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!!]

[Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Did I mention Fuck??]

Squirrel_McPants> Wow. WD had no idea they were serious enough to consider marriage?

Vexin> no, not at all - Mr. Wonderful and his girlfriend seemed to have their share of problems. WD has mentioned how not too long ago the GF was keeping him up late at night to talk about their relationship. And for a whole week she said he didn't look like he'd been sleeping at all.

[I had no idea she'd paid that much attention to me.]

sholva> Maybe his girlfriend was keeping him up for other reasons. ;-)

Lokien> Not from the way they acted in the office, at least according to Walking.

Leikha> that's why I don't believe it's true.

SaintSimon> Yeah, it just seems to convenient to me. I mean, WD was still friends with him. He might have had the courtesy to mention it or even hint at to her. I don't believe it until he tells her.

MairzyDoats has entered the room.

sholva> He wasn't that much of a friend to her if you ask me. How many nights just in the last month or so that we've known her has she been hurt but something callous he's said or done? I hate to break it to her, but I don't think he even knows she's alive anymore.

[Well, you're an idiot.]

SaintSimon> hey Mairzy!

MairzyDoats> hey guys! Has Walking been back yet?

Vexin> That's not fair, sholva. We don't know the whole story. And it's easy to want to talk about the bad stuff around here. Besides, she's told me things that make me think he's not as immune to her as she seems to think.

Leikha> Hey MairzyDoats! No, no word from WD. :(

Vexin> wb md!

Lokien> Yeah, I agree (once!) with you, Vexin. ;-) His whole indifference to her after what she said happened before tells me he avoids her because has to, not because he doesn't notice her.

sholva> what do you mean?

Lokien> Well, he's got a girlfriend, right? He pretty much came back with her. But what if he came back and he realizes that he's not over WD, that he still loves her?

[Oooh, this guy is good.]

sholva> Then he tells her and breaks up with the GF. I don't get what you're saying.

[Because you're an idiot.]

Lokien> Maybe there are reasons he can't. Or won't. And we don't really know how WD acts around him. I bet he has no idea she's interested in him. I mean, why would he?

[Exactly!!]

Squirrel_McPants> Interesting theory, I'll give you that. I wish my love life were so interesting!

Vexin> LOL - I hear that!!

SaintSimon> Yeah, WD has all the fun these days, it seems.

MairzyDoats> Yeah fun - that's why she left us in such a state. Poor Girl. I'll take no romance to all that damn drama. Mr. Wonderful is probably just another idiot that isn't worth the fuss, and when she gets him she'll realize that.

Lokien> Whoa - watch out, Mairzy. If you aren't careful you'll end up bitter like me.

MairzyDoats> That is my one greatest wish, O Master Lokien. Make me hate all mankind as much as you do. ;-)

Vexin> LOL

Leikha> Hehe - you're too much Mairzy!

MairzyDoats> well, I'm still not convinced he's all that Wonderful. I mean who confesses they're in love with someone then immediately moves away if they don't get the answer they want?

SaintSimon> He must have had the transfer in place before he told her, given how quickly he left. At least that's how it would have to be where I work. Nobody just asks for a transfer on Friday and gets one on Monday!

MairzyDoats> well that makes it worse! So he asks for a transfer before telling her he's in love with her? Does that mean he was going to leave if she would have said yes?

Lokien> or else he already knew she'd say no but felt he had to tell her anyway.

Squirrel_McPants> This whole story is hurting my head. Should we really be sitting her gossiping about someone who's not even here?

Vexin> do you mean Walking or Mr. Wonderful?

MairzyDoats> I'm fine ranking on “Mr. Wonderful” - he sounds like a ass.

Squirrel_McPants> well, I meant Walking, but like someone else said, we don't really know his side of the story. Maybe Walking's left out things that make her not look so good in all this.

Vexin> like what?

Squirrel_McPants> how would I know? I'm just saying. Trying to stand up for the guys, I guess. It doesn't help that I've had a shitty day that ended in arguing with my girlfriend again, so maybe I should just keep quiet.

sholva> sorry, had to step away for a minute there.

sholva> squirrel's right. We're pretty much speculating on what's going in that whole mess without both parties here to fight it out.

Lokien> that's what we should do - have WD invite Mr. Wonderful to this chat room, and they can present their sides and we'll judge who's right and who's wrong.

[Thanks, but no.]

MairzyDoats> Our own version of Love Stinks Court! I'm in!!

SaintSimon> just as long as I get to be Doug Llewellyn. I can interview the loser afterwards. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> you guys are nuts. :-)

Vexin> well you should appreciate that then - you're a squirrel!!

Squirrel_McPants> haha :P


As the conversation took a turn away from his faults and follies, Jim began to relax and enjoy talking to these people. They were all such unique personalities, and he'd forgotten how easy it was to start to imagine a face to each name, even though you knew you were probably miles off from what they really looked like. Lokien seemed older, wiser than the rest, thought he tried to pass it off as bitterness. He figured sholva was young; he seemed to have a quick and easy answer for everything. Leikha was young, but kind, while Mairzy seemed young but a bit less trusting of things. SaintSimon seemed most like him, which he found hard to admit since he didn't want to like him. He thought SaintSimon was just a bit too friendly in his attitude toward Pam, but he knew deep down he was just being unreasonably jealous. When was the last time he had any type of hug from Pam, much less a virtual one? Four months, three weeks and a day. And that was four months, three weeks and a day too long. So he damned Simon for getting those asterisked hugs, and promised himself he'd (well Squirrel_McPants) would give her one just as soon as she came back online. Whenever that would be.

The one person he was still trying to figure out was Vexin. She was smart, sarcastic, and funny, so he liked her immediately. She seemed sensible one minute, and completely bawdy the next. He wondered what it was in her life that brought her to a chat room called #love_stinks. He wondered what brought all of them to such a channel. And considering some of the talk he heard about himself today, he felt badly that he was more than partly responsible for Pam feeling drawn to such a depressing sounding chat room. At least the people she's befriended seemed to genuinely like her. But then again, he couldn't understand how anyone could not fall a little bit in love with Pam. Especially given the flash of spunk he'd already witnessed. He just kept wishing she'd get online. He needed to know how she was doing.

The time spent waiting passed slowly, though he enjoyed just hanging out in the chat room. The conversation dipped into sports, and when Jim found out that sholva played on a community team, they spent a good amount of time talking basketball. By this time Jim had taken off his jacket and tie, throwing them on the corner of the desk. He'd kicked his shoes off and propped his keyboard on his lap as he typed with his feet up on the desk. Leikha jumped into the conversation with a declaration of her passion for the Phoenix Suns, and NBA stats and scores started being quoted and misquoted. MairzyDoats and SaintSimon disappeared during this conversation, and soon even Lokien decided to go do other offline activities.

Jim took a quick break from chatting when he realized it was already nine o'clock. He went into his bedroom and took off his work shirt and trousers, exchanging them for an old pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt he stole from his brother, the silkscreening of an old Nirvana album cover practically faded away. He went downstairs in search of some alcohol. He couldn't remember when he started the habit of needing a drink every night after work, but he was sure he never did that before he transfered to Stamford. But given the day he'd had, he knew he needed something today. He bypassed the usual beer in favor of some scotch he saved for special occasions. He grabbed a glass and poured a good inch or so of Glenfiddich into it. He was about to put the bottle back in the cabinet when he stopped himself. If he was going to wait it out for Miss Beesly, he might as well take the bottle with him.

As he headed upstairs, he thought once again that he could just end the insanity and drive over to her apartment and sort things out face-to-face. But some habits
were hard to break, and holding back and hiding was what he knew best. And as the earlier conversation of tonight had shown him, he still had a lot to learn about her perspective on their relationship.

When he logged back on, he found that Vexin was the sole chatter remaining.

Vexin> hey, wb squirrel

Squirrel_McPants> vexin - what are you doing in here all alone?

Vexin> Oh, I've got other stuff going on. I just kept this window open because I'm waiting for Walking to come back.

Squirrel_McPants> You think she will?

Vexin> I'm pretty sure. This has happened before.

Squirrel_McPants> Oh really? She does this a lot?

Vexin> No, not a lot. I don't mean to imply she's flighty, because she not.

Squirrel_McPants> I believe you.

Vexin> She's such a sweet person, but she needs a backbone.

Squirrel_McPants> What do you mean?

Vexin> She's crazy about that guy, she's known him for years, and yet she can't bring herself to just tell him how she feels. So she analyses every little thing, and sometimes it gives her hope and sometimes it really, really depresses her. When she's feeling really down she will come in here for a while, then leave, then come back later - usually after a bottle of wine. I've learned a lot about her that way.

[Sounds like my life for the past four years. Except for the wine and IRC chats.]

Squirrel_McPants> Heh. Poor WD. I expect you have. Why are you always around?

Vexin> I'm not around much during the day, actually. I do have a job and a life, despite what it must look like! :-)

Squirrel_McPants> What do you do?

Vexin> I'm a writer and editor for a regional magazine. I do a little fiction writing on the side. I actually haunted love-related chat rooms for a while in search of ideas for my fiction writing. I ended up staying here because the people are fun and friendly, and the cast of characters are a rather close-knit group.

Vexin> You know, you're the first person they've taken a shine to since Walking arrived.

Squirrel_McPants> Must be my charm and wit. :-)

Vexin> Yeah, that's exactly what I was thinking. :P

Vexin> So why are you here, Squirrel_McPants?

Squirrel_McPants> Well, like I mentioned yesterday, my girlfriend and I aren't really working out like I thought we would, and I was looking for an outlet to talk about it, I guess.

Vexin> No other reason then?

Squirrel_McPants> No, not really.

Vexin> Hmm.

Squirrel_McPants> You sound like you don't believe me.

WalkingDisaster has entered the room.

Vexin> No, I do. I guess you just remind me of someone.

Vexin> Hey! WalkingDisaster!! You're back! :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Hi Walking *hugs* :-)

[There. Not so hard afterall.]

Vexin> We were all worried about you, WD. How are you?

WalkingDisaster> Hey guys :-) Thanks, Squirrel. *hugs*

[Nice. I'm pathetic.]

WalkingDisaster> Sorry for the earlier scene...

Vexin> what scene? you were rightfully upset. How are you now, dear?

WalkingDisaster> oh, I laid down on my bed to have a good cry and fell asleep for a little bit. Now I have a bottle of lovely Australian Shiraz by my side, though it's only about half full now, and I probably drank the first half too fast...

Squirrel_McPants> are you sure it's safe to drink and type? :-)

WalkingDisaster> I shall try very hard not to swerve and hit either of you. Where is everyone, anyway??

Vexin> I have no idea! Friday nights are usually pretty hoppin' around here. I like your idea of drinking and typing though, especially if it's making you feel better.

WalkingDisaster> I don't know how I feel, Vexin. I'm trying hard NOT to feel right now. Why even bother to love? I'm beginning to see how it just isn't meant to work out for me. Just about 10 full years wasted on one man - and for WHAT????

WalkingDisaster> and now I'm stuck wasting how many years on this one? and you know what really sucks?

Vexin> what, honey?

WalkingDisaster> I really feel like he was supposed to be the one. The One! You know what I mean? Squirrelly - you said you believed in there being THE ONE, right?

Squirrel_McPants> Yep, I said it and I do believe it.

[and trust me, you ARE The One.]

WalkingDisaster> so what do you do when the one you thought was THE ONE doesn't want you to be their THE ONE?

Squirrel_McPants> That's a hard question. But are you sure he doesn't want to be with you?

WalkingDisaster> Hell ya! Weren't you here for the big announcement earlier??

Squirrel_McPants> Sorry, I didn't come in tonight until after you had gone.

WalkingDisaster> Well, he's fucking MARRYING her! So I'm thinking he doesn't consider me THE ONE. I mean, right?? Hold on, I have to go to the bathroom..

Vexin> LOL. Shiraz will do that to you. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> she's certainly a bit feisty!

[and beautiful and adorable and amazing...]

Vexin> she is. I don't know how she hides it in the real world like she seems to.

WalkingDisaster> Okay, I'm back.

Squirrel_McPants> :-)

Vexin> good to see you made it. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> how do you know he's marrying her?

WalkingDisaster> she told me!!

Squirrel_McPants> what did she say?

WalkingDisaster> Okay! let me try and recreate the scene for you: I walked into the kitchen and they were there, and then he left, but he brushed past me as he left, which was - btw - the highlight of my day. That's how pathetic I am.

[As well the highlight of mine, so I guess we're both pathetic.]

Vexin> you are NOT pathetic. Drink more wine.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, I am drinking, trust me.

Squirrel_McPants> well I'm impressed with your typing if you have already had half a bottle.

WalkingDisaster> I have extremely mad typing skillz. Extremely!! BE AFRAID!! :D

Squirrel_McPants> Oh, I am. :-D

Vexin> anyway, you were telling Squirrelly the story??

WalkingDisaster> right. (I'm feeling a little dizzy, hold on.)

WalkingDisaster> anyway, after he left, I tried to be nice and asked her if she had any weekend plans. She said her parents were coming up for the weekend and I said that sounded nice.

WalkingDisaster> THEN she said “they are coming up to meet Jim” and she smiled and said “I really think they are going to like him. Daddy always wanted me to marry someone just like Jim. I have no doubt he'll approve.”

[She just used my name! She must be drunk.]

Squirrel_McPants> but that doesn't mean they are getting married.

WalkingDisaster> I

WalkingDisaster> oops! I'm not done!

Squirrel_McPants> Sorry :-)

WalkingDisaster> anyway, the WHOLE time she talking she rubbing the ring finger on her left hand. And I mean it was just a little to weird for it not to have been some little sign.

WalkingDisaster> THEN she said, “I really think Jim and I are closer than we've ever been. I think that if tonight goes well, we'll be in this thing for the long run.”

[Good God. She did NOT say that! Jesus.]

WalkingDisaster> then she walked out. I'm just screwed.

Squirrel_McPants> Walking, that doesn't sound like they are engaged to me.

WalkingDisaster> it was in her tone!

Vexin> honey I told you before, she was just marking her territory. She sees you as a threat, baby. Don't stress out unless you are hearing these things from HIM.

[Please listen to Vexin, Pam. I wish I could say more.]

WalkingDisaster> But even meeting her parents?? I mean, I guess I'm a fool - well, I know I am, but that's another story - but I just didn't get the feel that those two were so serious. At the office he looks bored and sullen most of the time anymore, and she Miss “all about business”. I guess what hurts is how I could be so wrong.

Squirrel_McPants> I'm so sorry, Walking. I can tell it upsets you, but I do agree with Vexin that maybe you are just reacting the way she wanted you to react. I would be amazed if you came in here on Monday with news that they were actually engaged.

[I'd be more than fucking amazed, I can tell you that!!]

WalkingDisaster> I don't know. I was thinking of telling him, you know?

[You were????]

Vexin> were you?? When??

WalkingDisaster> this week I'd really been thinking about everything you guys always say about telling him how I feel just so I could move on in either direction. I was going to ask him after work tonight if I could see him over the weekend - just an afternoon, you know? But then they had this dinner and after what she said I just sort of all scrapped it.

Vexin> Walking, even if the worst was true, you should STILL talk to him.

WalkingDisaster> even if he's engaged to her?

Vexin> correct me if I'm mistaken, but weren't you engaged when he confessed to you?

WalkingDisaster> LOL yeah, what a perfect irony, huh? Does this mean I need to move to Connecticut, too?? Maybe I'd move north to Canada instead. We're doomed to go around in this circle of missing each other forever. :-( It's just never going to work. I don't know why I even care anymore.

Squirrel_McPants> why do you care?

WalkingDisaster> fuck him. I don't. I give up.

Vexin> you're a liar and you know it.

WalkingDisaster> I'm just tired of all of this, you know??? :-(

[More than you can believe.]

Vexin> hey, I've got to go now. Will you be okay just hanging with Squirrelly?

WalkingDisaster> yeah, me and the Squirrelmaster will just chill while I finish this wine. Is that okay with you, squirrelly?

[Alone in chat with a tipsy Pam? Perfect. Heaven.]

Squirrel_McPants> of course. I shall do my best to cheer you.

Vexin> great! I'll talk to you guys later!

Squirrel_McPants> bye vexin!!

Vexin has left the room.

WalkingDisaster> night vexin

WalkingDisaster> damn. I missed her.

Squirrel_McPants> So are you really going to give up on this guy or is that just the shiraz talking?

[say it's the wine. say it's the wine. say it's the wine.]

WalkingDisaster> you know, squirrelly - I wish I really had a choice. But I don't think it's possible for me to give up on him. I feel like I'm just stuck loving him until the day I die.

Squirrel_McPants> Would that be such a bad thing?

WalkingDisaster> Well not if he loved me back. As it is now? It's just unbearable some days.

Squirrel_McPants> I'm sorry to hear that. From what I understand the together part isn't happening because you aren't telling him how you feel.

WalkingDisaster> But what's going to change if I tell him how he feels but he's not interested in me anymore? You have NO idea how close he and I used to be. I mean, he's literally the best friend I have ever had. And now, it's like it never happened. I look for the smallest crumbs of affection from him, and let me tell you - it is slow in coming. When I think about telling him, and imagine seeing that look in his eyes that says he's moved on, well I don't think I have it in me to see that. If he just have me the slightest bit of encouragement, I swear I'd throw myself at him.

WalkingDisaster> Sorry, that was a bit too long, wasn't it?

Squirrel_McPants> but if he thinks you don't care, it wouldn't occur to him to give you that encouragement, would it?

Squirrel_McPants> type as much as you need to. :-)

[I want to know everything that's going on with you. I always have.]

WalkingDisaster> please don't try and introduce logic into all of this. I know I'm a coward. And a fool.

Squirrel_McPants> maybe you just need to focus on what you want. I was told once that change happens when the pain of staying in the current situation hurts more than the pain of making a change. So what hurts more right now? Being alone, pining for him and never knowing how he'd react if you told him you loved him, or telling him and finding out the worst thing is that he doesn't love you??

[And I can personally guarantee the worst case scenario would not happen!]

WalkingDisaster> Are you a lawyer or something? Because that sounds like a nice argument. Maybe you should email it me to read when I'm not feeling so dizzy. It's my user name at artlover.com.

Squirrel_McPants> don't tell me you've finished the bottle already!

WalkingDisaster> no! there's at least a glass left. I think about a glass left.

Squirrel_McPants> Anything else you want to talk about?

WalkingDisaster> Him. Jim. Funny- just one letter difference. Him Jim Him Jim Him Jim.

Squirrel_McPants> You, Ms. Disaster, are drunk. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Ms. Disaster - I love that. :-) That is so, so, so true.

Squirrel_McPants> So do you still want to talk about him or not?

[I could be walking into a whole lot of trouble with that question.]

WalkingDisaster> You know, he's just wonderful. That's why everyone calls him Mr. Wonderful. He's funny and sweet and kind and smart. He'll always be the best friend I ever had. You have no idea how much I miss him and his friendship and all the fun things we used to do together and share.

[You have no idea how much I've missed you, too. That's why I'm here pretending to be someone else just to be near you, Beesly. This is all so ridiculous.]

WalkingDistance> How could I have thrown that all away?

Squirrel_McPants> he sounds pretty nice.

WalkingDisaster> God is he ever. And just so you know, his outsides are just as nice as his insides. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> really? do I really want to know?

WalkingDisaster> well he's nice and tall for a start. I mean, not freakishly tall, but a good height. I feel safe around men taller than I am, and he does make me feel safe. I mean, he's not built or anything. He doesn't work out as far as I know except to play basketball sometimes, but he's pretty solid.

Squirrel_McPants> that's good to know.

WalkingDisaster> and he has the best hair.

Squirrel_McPants> the best?

WalkingDisaster> oh yeah. He wears it kinda longish - mostly to hide his ears, but the time we kissed in May, I put my hands up into it and it was just lush. I can still remember how nice that felt, and every time I look at him I remember how it felt.

[It felt pretty damn good from my viewpoint, too.]

Squirrel_McPants> that's quite a while back to have such a good memory of that.

WalkingDisaster> well it was quite a kiss. I mean, I've not exactly had a wealth of experience, but I can't even begin to tell you how good a kisser that man is. I still get a weak feeling if I'm lying in bed thinking about that kiss. Thinking about all the things I should have done. I shouldn't have stopped him.

Squirrel_McPants> so it was such a great kiss and yet you stopped him?

WalkingDisaster> well, I was engaged at the time, even though I didn't end up getting married, thankfully. I hope I don't shock you, but if I had to do it all over again, I would have kept kissing him. God knows I wanted to. And I would have just let everything go and followed his lead. Sex on his desk and everything.

[Wow. I really need NOT to think too much on this because I'm getting images I can't deal with and type at the same time.]

Squirrel_McPants> No, I'm not easily shocked. :-)

WalkingDisaster> I think about that so much, you know? How that night could have gone. It's the same fantasy over and over. And yet it never gets old. It doesn't help that I sit at work each day and see the desk I was leaning against when he kissed me.

Squirrel_McPants> and, of course, you see him.

WalkingDisaster> yeah. Sometimes he's a complete distraction.

[only sometimes?]

Squirrel_McPants> only sometimes?

WalkingDisaster> well, maybe more than sometimes. I am only human, and I do have a pretty good imagination. I wonder what he'd do if I just up and threw myself at him? :-D

Squirrel_McPants> The polite thing would be for him to catch you, I suppose.

WalkingDisaster> LOL. You are adorable. Really.

Squirrel_McPants> I try. :-)

WalkingDisaster> where are you, anyway? Probably somewhere glamorous.

Squirrel_McPants> not hardly. I live in lower SW Pennsylvania.

[now where's that information list I made on Squirrel McPants?]

WalkingDisaster> really? WHERE? I'm up in Scranton!

Squirrel_McPants> in Morrisville. You've probably never heard of it. It's not a big place - kinda across the river from Trenton.

WalkingDisaster> hey that's not very far from me at all! how cool is that??? What do you do there?

Squirrel_McPants> I teach.

WalkingDisaster> oh, I would love to teach, but I probably would suck at it. What grade?

Squirrel_McPants> 6th grade, mostly. Social studies classes, mostly. I help coach the basketball team, too.

WalkingDisaster> that is SO cool. I have no idea what you are doing in here - you probably have a million girls lined up outside your door.

Squirrel_McPants> not exactly. I mean, I agree that I should - nothing says sexy like dealing with a bunch of pre-teens all day. Trust me on that.

WalkingDisaster> Oh I imagine all the girls have a big crush on their social studies teacher. :D

Squirrel_McPants> are you including those in the million outside my door? Because last I looked they had laws against that sort of stuff....

WalkingDisaster> LOL - NOT RELATED!!! I'm just saying.

Squirrel_McPants> just needed to clear that up.

WalkingDisaster> so why are you single?

Squirrel_McPants> I'm not, actually.

WalkingDisaster> figures. :P

Squirrel_McPants> but I don't hold out too much hope for my current relationship, which is why I ended up here.

WalkingDisaster> oh! I'm sorry to hear that. :( Have you been together long?

Squirrel_McPants> under a year.

WalkingDisaster> still, that's a bit of time.

Squirrel_McPants> we just aren't working out.

WalkingDisaster> OMG!!! I knew this already! You're the one who believes you'll find The One, too!! Sorry, squirrelly! Brain dead, aren't I??

Squirrel_McPants> *laugh* that's okay, I didn't expect you to remember my life story when you just met me yesterday!

WalkingDisaster> but I should have, and I just had a flashback that we were talking about earlier tonight. I'm such a dork! - you are such a sweetie!

Squirrel_McPants> I'm sure my girlfriend feels different. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> well, if she's not The One, then it doesn't matter what she thinks.

Squirrel_McPants> well said. Thanks. Are you finally feeling a bit better now?

WalkingDisaster> yes, actually. You are a frakkin' charming companion. And my wine bottle is now empty.

Squirrel_McPants> You probably should start drinking water so you don't wind up with a terrible headache.

WalkingDisaster> you're right, I should. There are a lot of things I should do.

Squirrel_McPants> Do you want to tell me what they are?

WalkingDisaster> you want the WHOLE list??

Squirrel_McPants> I've got nothing but free time, Walking.

[And I sure as hell don't want this conversation to end.]

WalkingDisaster> God, I think I love you. :-)

[Yeah, that's what I've been thinking, hoping, wishing for years now...]

Squirrel_McPants> You aren't going to break out into a Partridge Family song now, are you? Because there are limits to what I'll put up with to cheer you.

WalkingDisaster> You know, until I found this chat room I never told anyone about the way I've been feeling all these months. No one. Not even my mom.

Squirrel_McPants> why not?

WalkingDisaster> there just wasn't anyone I felt I could talk to. The only person I wanted to talk to about it all was the one who left. That sounds pretty pathetic, doesn't it?

[God, it never even occurred to me.]

Squirrel_McPants> no, just sad. How long had you needed someone to talk to?

WalkingDisaster> A long time. Right from that very night my best friend told me he loved me, kissed me and then left me.

[Yes, it's official. I am a complete asshole. Please continue.....]

Jim could tell he was starting to lose her. Her replies, though still sweet and funny, were starting to take a little longer to arrive. He wasn't surprised when he discovered it was now nearly eleven-thirty at night. Even so, he was fighting the feeling that he didn't want to let her go.

Squirrel_McPants> You still with me, Walking?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, squirrelly.

Squirrel_McPants> I think it's time for you to head for your bed. I can hear your yawns from here.

WalkingDisaster> Silly. No you can't.

Squirrel_McPants> But you are getting sleepier, aren't you? :-)

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, I guess so.

Squirrel_McPants> Did you drink a big glass of water?

WalkingDisaster> Yes, I did, Dr. Squirrel. Are you sure I have to go to bed? I like talking to you.

[I don't want to let you go either, Beesly.]

Squirrel_McPants> Thanks. It's been a nice night.

WalkingDisaster> Are you sure I have to go? :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Why don't you go to bed, and we'll meet up here again tomorrow.

Squirrel_McPants> Unless you have something else to do?

WalkingDisaster> No, I'm sure I don't. I never do. What time?

Squirrel_McPants> Well I know I want a long sleep - how about I promise to be here by 2pm?

WalkingDisaster> It's a date. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Don't tell my girlfriend, okay? I'm in enough trouble as it is. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Definitely our little secret. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Goodnight, Walking.

[Wow. I almost typed Pam there. That would have been hard to explain!]

WalkingDisaster> Goodnight, Squirrelly.

He had no illusions of sleep, but Jim went through the motions of making sure doors and windows downstairs were locked, and lights turned out. He came back upstairs and finished off his glass of Glenfiddich, which had sat virtually untouched as he talked to her. Her comments had held his unblinking attention during their chat. He then brushed his teeth, undressed, switched off the light and crawled into bed. As he laid in the darkness, he wondered if Pam had actually listened to him and gone to bed. He felt pretty certain she did. He hoped she didn't wake up with a hangover in the morning, and was glad he'd suggested the water. Even at a distance Jim found satisfaction in looking after her.

He couldn't help but wonder though, what her pajamas consisted of, or if she even bothered to wear anything to bed. She didn't seem drunk enough to have just climbed in still wearing her clothes. Jim preferred the idea that like him, she had forgone sleepwear all together, and closed his eyes to picture her sleeping in her bed.

Snippets of their conversation echoed in his mind, most notably her description of him and her memories of that night. Even now h$e couldn't help but feel a sense of satisfaction that he had been right. He always knew that she had kissed him back, and could never reconcile that with her statement that he had misunderstood things between them. He had misunderstood nothing, except perhaps her ability to take a chance.

Like Pam, Jim still could remember vividly those few, sweet moments together. He could practically transport himself back in time, his body's reaction to the memory as strong as it was the moment it happened. He smiled at her admission that she regretted ending it when she did. She'd actually said she should have let it go on? Go forward even? Hell, she'd imagined them having sex on his desk, for Christ's sake. Why couldn't he have known that then?

He imagined how differently the night might have gone had he known how close he was to finally getting through to her. He wouldn't have settled for quick, furtive intercourse in a darkened office. No, he would have taken her home - or better yet, gone to a hotel where no one would know where they were and they could pretend the world consisted of just the two of them.

His body responded to the vivid images swirling in his head, his feelings for her then and his feelings for her now mixing together in such a way that his fantasy was morphing from the past into the present, and Pam was no longer in her periwinkle dress, with its slick feel and crinkly sound, but in her pajamas, his hands full of soft flannel and cotton. He had no trouble imagining how soft her skin would feel, or how her hair would look spread out against the pillows as he kissed her lips and neck. He'd spent years memorizing every bit of her he could see, touch, and smell. He slipped his hand below the blankets, his ache for her too much to ignore. He chastised himself for his cowardice, knowing his inability to go and face Pam meant this was the best he could do. Even so, his newfound knowledge fueled one of the best orgasms he'd experienced in quite some time. Even sex with Karen couldn't come anywhere close to how good it had felt. Anticipation of making love to Pam floated through his mind as he finally fell asleep.

Jim was standing in the tiger's cage, gently coaxing the sleek striped white animal toward him. His brother Jonathan was standing at the door, shouting a warning to Jim, but Jim couldn't quite hear what he was saying. The white tiger suddenly pounced on him, and as he felt its jaws around his neck, the pressure stopped and he found himself being tickled by the sensation of more than a dozen squirrels running across his prone body. He sat up, no longer in a cage but in the middle of a circus tent, the squirrels racing around him, some dressed with silk ruffled collars dotted with rhinestones, some dressed in brightly colored satin jackets and bow ties. Grey squirrels and black squirrels and brown squirrels kept jumping at him, running across his legs, dancing around him. He then noticed a single red squirrel sitting up at this feet, looking at him with its head tilted curiously. He blinked twice when he saw the red squirrel was wearing a pink cardigan sweater. The sound of the squirrels' chirping barks started sounding like they were saying his name, and then he heard the sound of bells.....

It took him a few moments to comprehend that the sounds he thought were in his dreams were actually coming from his phone still sitting in the pocket of the pants he discarded on the floor last night. He crawled out of bed and fished out the phone. He had missed the call, but had a feeling he could guess the identity of the caller. A quick glance proved him correct: it had been Karen. He slipped back into bed, his phone dropped on his night stand. He was in no mood to face Karen right now, so he rolled over and tried to fall back to sleep. Even being attacked by squirrels seemed preferable to facing what he was sure would be an unpleasant conversation.

Unfortunately the phone woke up Jim's conscience as well, and despite his best attempts to fall back to sleep, he started thinking about the implications of what he had fallen into. Well, not fallen into - that made it sound like he had done it accidentally, or that he had absolutely no choice in the matter. No, he had deliberately chosen this path. He had carefully chosen his mask, his virtual self. He created his alternate ego's background - down to the details of his work, his hobbies, his birthday, hell, even his favorite color. He made his other self just different enough that he felt safely hidden, but he could not resist keeping glimpses of himself visible.

It was like he was daring Pam to discover him. All she had to do was ask him the right questions. He still believed she knew him well enough to see him through the facade of Squirrel_McPants. And part of him wanted her to figure it out, so everything could come out into the open. He knew if she found out, she'd probably be upset with him for the subterfuge. But anger and outrage were reactions he could handle - at least she would be expressing some feeling towards him. For too long now she'd been a blank slate to him, keeping all but the most polite emotions hidden. Deep down he practically longed for a fight; any chance to reach her deeper passions. He was willing to risk her rage if it meant finally getting closer.

Jim laid in bed, playing yet another round of 'when exactly did life get this fucked up?' when the phone rang again. Jim cringed and contemplated ignoring it. But he always carried a shred of hope that it could be Pam, so he reached out and grabbed his phone to check the caller ID. It was Mark, so he quickly answered.

“Hey,” Jim greeted his friend.

“So when are you coming over?” Mark asked.

“What are you talking about?”

“It's Saturday, Halpert. College hoops start at one. You are usually already here with the classy imported beer. You going to let me down today?”

Jim sat up. “What time is it?”

“It's about noon, buddy. Don't tell me you are still in bed?”

Jim was surprised. He must have dozed off again at some point, though he had no memory of it. “Yeah, actually I am.”

“Halpert, you are one lazy bastard. Get your ass out of bed and get over here. Anna's making her famous stuffed mushrooms and hot crab dip. And I know how you feel about hot crab dip.”

Jim laughed. “Only you can make cream cheese and crab meat sound dirty.” Jim swung his legs over and sat on the edge of his bed. “I'm afraid I'm not going to be able to make it today, Mark. I'd kinda forgot about it and made other plans.”

“Nice one, asshole,” Mark joked. “So what has Karen hooked you into doing today?”

“It's not with Karen,” Jim said, unsure of what exactly to say.

“Oh-ho!” Mark laughed. “Who is she?”

“Who is who?”

“The girl you're ditching me, basketball, and hot crab dip for.”

“Who says it's a girl?”

“You're doing something with Pam, aren't you?” Mark taunted. “Dude, did you break up with Karen?”

“No, I haven't broken up with Karen, though I think that end is soon coming.” Jim paused. He trusted Mark with his life, but he didn't feel comfortable letting him in on his current situation. “And I'm not doing anything with Pam. I just promised some friends that I meet them today.”

“What friends? You don't have any friends!”

“Listen, I'm sorry I forgot I was supposed to come over,” Jim said, feeling a little defensive. “I really don't feel like going into the rest of it right now.”

“Then this is about Pam, isn't it?” Mark's tone turned into one of concern. “Jim, what the hell are you doing? I don't really want to have to pick you up in pieces again, man. Just let it go.”

“Thanks, Mark. You're font of optimism fills me with hope,” Jim said sarcastically. “Anyway, it's not about Pam. I'll catch you later, okay?”

Jim hung up and tossed his phone behind him on the bed. He and Mark had been friends for years, and he knew his intentions were good, but Mark had never really understood Jim's feelings for Pam. Mark was more of a 'give it a try and then move on' kind of guy; he frequently razzed Jim for what Mark called 'his romantic tendencies'. This time around, he wasn't going to say a word to Mark until Pam was securely by his side.

Jim took a long, hot shower, relaxing under the pulsating water. He ran his wet hands over his face, and decided to skip the daily shave. When he got out he grabbed his favorite jeans, faded and stained and frayed around the edges. He wasn't sure which caused which, but he was always associated good times when he wore those jeans. These were the jeans he wore the night he had the company barbeque, when Pam had strayed into his bedroom, then sat on his bed and teased him about his high school picture. He frowned a little when he thought that he couldn't remember a time he'd worn them around Karen. It was like some strange little omen, and he pushed the thought out of his mind. As he pulled an old blue and green rugby shirt over his head, he remembered he'd left his phone on his bed. Grabbing it, he noticed he'd had another call while he was in the shower. Karen again. His first thought was that he couldn't call her while he wore this jeans. He smiled to himself at his weak excuse, but went with it anyway. He still wasn't ready to deal with the aftermath of yesterday.

Jim stuffed the phone in his front jean pocket, then grabbed his laptop and his empty glass from last night and went downstairs. He might not be going over to Mark and Anna's, but thanks to the wonder of wireless internet, he could still watch the games and chat to Pam. And that seemed like a win-win-win situation if ever he'd heard one.


He set up his laptop in the living room, on a folding table in front of his favorite chair. The widescreen HD television he'd purchased with his new salary as Assistant Regional Sales Manager was still something he hadn't quite gotten over his excitement for. He thought that today was going to be a good day. He brewed a pot of coffee as he cooked up a reasonably sized breakfast of eggs, fruit and toast. He turned on the television and started watching college basketball while he ate, and by the time he'd finished eating and cleaned the kitchen up it was nearing one-thirty. Close enough, he thought as he turned on his laptop and made his way to his favorite chat room.

TooMuchTrouble> It's stupid, but there's not much I can do about it?

sholva> Well that sucks.

TooMuchTrouble> Tell me about it.

sholva> Hey, Squirrel!

Lokien> greetings, mpants - what's happening on this fine Saturday afternoon?

Squirrel_McPants> Not much - just watching some basketball.

sholva> college?

Squirrel_McPants> yeah, Ohio State v Wisconsin.

sholva> OSU is kicking ass this season.

Squirrel_McPants> They are. Who knew?

SaintSimon has entered the room.

sholva> Hehehe - seriously. ;-)

TooMuchTrouble> SaintSimon, I presume?

Squirrel_McPants> What are you people up to?

sholva> hey simon

SaintSimon> dudes.

Lokien> You grace us with your presence, Simon. You're never here on a Saturday.

SaintSimon> Can't stay long, just thought I'd see who was here.

Vexin has entered the room.

TooMuchTrouble> Nothing at all. It's been raining here all morning.

Squirrel_McPants> Hi Vexin

Lokien> Hey Vexin

TooMuchTrouble> Vexin!!!

Vexin> Hey peeps - I didn't expect to actually find anyone here.

sholva> Where else would we be?

Vexin> LOL - true

Vexin> Squirrel! Good to see you. Becoming a regular?

Squirrel_McPants> Seems that way. It must be all you charming people. :-)

Vexin> hehe - or at least one of us.

[Damn, have I really been that transparent??]

TooMuchTrouble> uh oh - has the squirrel fallen under the spell of WD?

SaintSimon> Join the club, dude. The line forms to the left, and I am first in that line.

[In your dreams.]

Squirrel_McPants> LOL - she does seem nice. Vexin's just giving me a hard time because we chatted a while last night.

Lokien> Ooh - how long is 'a while' mcpants??

Squirrel_McPants> Enough to know she's pretty nice. :-)

SaintSimon> Yeah, she rocks. I almost don't believe she's real.

Vexin> Simon has this theory that WD is a carefully crafted AI program aimed at making computer geeks think real women would be attracted to them.

[Oh, she's real. Thank God she's real.]

Squirrel_McPants> LOL

TooMuchTrouble> That would take technology humans can't even fathom!

sholva> LOL!!!!!!!

Lokien> No, I think she's real. She's clearly too messed up to be real.

Squirrel_McPants> Messed up?

Lokien> Yeah - her obsession with Mr. Wonderful when there are so many other great guys out there.

SaintSimon> Like me. :-)

[Dream on, dude.]

Vexin> You guys are awful. She's very sweet. You just need to get out more.

TooMuchTrouble> I need to switch laundry around. I'll be right back.

Vexin> Please don't mention laundry. I am overwhelmed by it right now.

SaintSimon> The secret of avoiding laundry is just to be stay naked all the time.

Squirrel_McPants> Very true.

Vexin> Good advice. So you're saying you are naked right now.

SaintSimon> Maybe. Depends who's asking.

Vexin> LOL. Pervert.

Squirrel_McPants> Doesn't it get a little uncomfortable come winter time?

sholva> He lives in an underground bunker - he has no idea what seasons are.

SaintSimon> No, in winter I just wear things that are Dry Clean Only. Drop them off, pick them up via the drive thru.

Lokien> You, my friend are a genius. ;-)

Vexin> You dry clean your underwear too?

SaintSimon> what underwear? ;-)

sholva> Gross.

Vexin> LOL - Simon is Mr. Commando!

Squirrel_McPants> I'd really rather not go there, thanks.

WalkingDisaster has entered the room.

[And not a moment too soon....]

SaintSimon> Hey, it's Walking!

Squirrel_McPants> Hello, WD!

WalkingDisaster> Hi everyone! What's going on?

Vexin> The usual, WD.

WalkingDisaster> That good, huh? :-)

WalkingDisaster> Hi Squirrely! Did you get your long sleep in?

Squirrel_McPants> I did okay, thanks. You?

WalkingDisaster> I followed your directions and went straight to bed.

[Nice. Just as I'd imagined.]

Squirrel_McPants> Did you wake up with a headache?

SaintSimon> Whoa - what were you doing, WD?

WalkingDisaster> I had a slight one, but I really wasn't that drunk last night.

Vexin> Sure you weren't!

WalkingDisaster> I wasn't! Did I seem that drunk to you, Squirrelly?

Squirrel_McPants> Well, you certainly typed well enough.

WalkingDisaster> See?

Lokien> I'm thinking of heading out to catch a matinée.

sholva> What film?

Squirrel_McPants> What are you going to see?

Lokien> Probably Zodiac, if I can get in.

sholva> Dude, that is an awesome movie!

SaintSimon> Definitely go - I saw it last weekend and it just rocked.

Vexin> I want to see that! I love serial killers.

Squirrel_McPants> Wow, I'm not sure I want to know what that means. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Vexin, is there something you're not telling us?

SaintSimon> Like that you have 28 bodies buried in your basement???

Vexin> LOL - it's actually 35, and I wouldn't be stupid enough to bury them in my basement. I'm much more creative than that. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Ooh - do tell! Do you have a particular type you like to kill, or it is just random mayhem?

Vexin> Oh, I've got a type, Walking. And let's just say your are safe from danger. ;-)

sholva> I knew it - you're a man hater!!!

Vexin> Far from it, sholva. ;-) The only people I want to rid the earth of are stupid people, and as far as I can tell stupid crosses all lines of gender, race, and creed.

TooMuchTrouble> I hear that.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, in that case, if you ever need an alibi, just let me know. You are working for the greater good, after all.

Vexin> Thanks, Squirrel - I had a feeling you'd see it that way.

Lokien> all right - I'm outta here for now. Stay out of trouble!

WalkingDisaster> Bye Lokien!

Squirrel_McPants> Have fun, Lokien

sholva> Bye!

TooMuchTrouble> Bye Lokien!!!

Lokien has left the room.


The conversation continued much in the same whimsical fashion, and while Jim had his eye on the tv, he found himself paying less attention to the game and more attention to his laptop. There was something about the comments Vexian made to him, or about him, that made him worry that she knew who he was. Who he really was. He considered sending her a private message and just flat out asking, but if he was wrong then he would have given his game away needlessly. Instead he continued to join in the conversation, which included giving his opinion on various beers, how to take apart a toaster, and if different brands of ketchup really tasted different. He was abnormally pleased to find that Pam completely agreed with him that Heinz ketchup was the only brand he'd ever have in his house, even if they were giving another brand away for free. It was things like that which reminded him how perfect she was for him. Because honestly, if you can't find harmony in your condiment choices, what chance do you have on the big issues?

The basketball game had come and gone (Ohio State 66, Wisconsin 49) and Jim was still enjoying his time online. He felt his phone buzz once, but with Pam talking on the chat, he ignored it. He knew who it was, and he still didn't want to face reality. Ignoring Karen for the day couldn't possibly make things any worse than they were. He grabbed his remote control and tried to find something else to watch as he chatted. He scrolled through the guide until a film title caught his eye. Coming up in minutes, the four o'clock movie on TBS was one of his guilty pleasures - a movie that he'd definitely take with him to a deserted island, but only as long as no one else knew. Miss Congeniality was too much of a chick flick for even Jim Halpert to admit to liking, but he just had a thing for Sandra Bullock, and even the cheesy presence of William Shatner didn't diminish his enjoyment of this movie. He punched in the channel number for TBS and turned his attention back to Pam and company.

sholva> okay losers, I am out of here. I have a date tonight.

TooMuchTrouble> Right.

sholva> I do!

WalkingDisaster> Good for you, sholva! I'm just settling in to watch the Miss Congeniality marathon on TBS. That's my exciting plans for tonight.

[She's watching it too??]

Vexin> so what are your plans, sholva? How did you meet?

Squirrel_McPants> Miss Congeniality??

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, squirrelly - I love those films. Gonna make something of it??

sholva> she's a sister of a friend.

TooMuchTrouble> uh oh - blind date?

Squirrel_McPants> Never, WD. I'm got the tv set to it too.

WalkingDisaster> Get out!

sholva> no, we've met a few times before.

Squirrel_McPants> No, really, I do. And I am only admitting this because you will never be able to tell anyone who knows me. :-)

TooMuchTrouble> good luck with that then, sholva
WalkingDisaster> Actually, I love this movie, but the last time I was asked I didn't mention it because I knew I would be teased about it.

[She's not referring to that day....?]

Squirrel_McPants> have fun, sholva!

Squirrel_McPants> teased by who?

sholva> I'll report back tomorrow - see you guys.

WalkingDisaster> my best friend. Well, he used to be my best friend.

[Ouch. I'm still your best friend. Honest.]

WalkingDisaster> Anyway, forget that. It's totally cool that we are watching it together.

sholva has left the room.

Squirrel_McPants> Only if this our secret, Disaster!

Vexin> sounds like a date to me. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> cut it out, Vexin you Vixen. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> Well be prepared. I have seen this movie several times.

WalkingDisaster> So have I.

Squirrel_McPants> Enough times to quote?

WalkingDisaster> Easily. I could write screenplay in my sleep.

Squirrel_McPants> Wow. That sounds like a bit like bragging. Can you back that statement up, Disaster?

[Now this is the girl I know and love.]

WalkingDisaster> not a problem. I just channel Gracie Hart.

Squirrel_McPants> Don't you mean Gracie Lou Freebush?

WalkingDisaster> Ohhh - and to think I was starting to like you. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> At least I didn't say you were channeling Miss Rhode Island. :-D

WalkingDisaster> Show off. :-P

Vexin> now kids, no fighting. What channel is Miss Congeniality on again?

Squirrel_McPants> TBS

Vexin> Mind if I join you guys?

WalkingDisaster> Of course not - this is so funny!!

TooMuchTrouble> You'll forgive me if I pass on the party.

Vexin> Sorry, TMT - I forgot you were still here!

TooMuchTrouble> I left to take a shower.

Squirrel_McPants> Trying out SaintSimon's naked-to-save-laundry theory?

TooMuchTrouble> Nah. I don't think the world is ready for that.

WalkingDisaster> .....I'd rather cancel the pageant than have one of them blown up.

Squirrel_McPants> Especially without their knowledge. ;-)

TooMuchTrouble> If you guys are going to start talking crap, I'll go clean my bathroom.

WalkingDisaster> Sorry. I'll take this under the table.

Squirrel_McPants> You'll what?

*WalkingDisaster* This is under the table. :-)

[Right. Private messaging. Why didn't I think of that?]

*Squirrel_McPants* Got it. Are you planning on just quoting the movie as we go, or do you want to really make it challenging?

*WalkingDisaster* What do you have in mind?

*Squirrel_McPants* Random quotes. While we watch the film.

Vexin> Okay, found it - I've seen this before, I think.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, you had to have seen this before. It's classic.

TooMuchTrouble> Well, classic is a stretch.

Squirrel_McPants> I'd have to agree with TMT, it's cute but it's not winning any awards.

*WalkingDisaster* first step pizza....

*Squirrel_McPants*....next step flaming batons!

*WalkingDisaster* Damn you, Squirrel_McPants! :-)

*Squirrel_McPants* I warned you - do not trifle with me, Ms. Disaster.

*WalkingDisaster* We'll see, McPants. ;-) Your turn.

TooMuchTrouble> I think I shall depart. The rain's finally stopped. Later all.

Vexin> Bye TMT

WalkingDisaster> Later, TMT!

TooMuchTrouble has left the room.

*Squirrel_McPants* Describe your perfect date.

*WalkingDisaster* Holy cow - that's all you got, McPants?

*Squirrel_McPants* No stalling, Disasater.

*WalkingDisaster* Fine......it's only the best damn line of the whole movie!

*WalkingDisaster* That's a tough one. I'd have to say April 25th - because it's not too hot and not too cold. All you need is a light jacket.

*WalkingDisaster* Are you going to cry at the end?

*Squirrel_McPants* No, why??

[Maybe.]

*WalkingDisaster* You mean you don't get all choked up when Gracie gets the Miss Congenality award and she says she really wants world peace??

*Squirrel_McPants* There are limits to what I will admit to, even to you.

[Okay, fine. Sometimes I do.]

*WalkingDisaster* I'll take that as a yes.

*Squirrel_McPants* Dork

*WalkingDisaster* Idiot.

*Squirrel_McPants* Jerk.

*WalkingDisaster* Hey! I'm not a jerk.

*Squirrel_McPants* Okay, but you are a dork.

*WalkingDisaster* You can tell that already? You don't even know me.

[I know you. And yes, Beesly, you are definitely a dork. An adorable dork, but a dork nonetheless.]

Vexin> I am going to get back to some editing projects. You kids can quit the secret messaging once I leave. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Oh, I'm sorry, Vexin!! We kinda got carried away with our quotes competition.

[and other things....]

Vexin> Don't worry about it. I really have things I should be doing, and it looks like the room is yours unless MairzyDoats or Leikha drop in. But Saturdays are usually dead around here.

WalkingDisaster> You make it sounds like we want to be alone - we're just watching the movie together.

Vexin> I'm not implying anything! But I can tell when two people have hit it off. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Yeah okay, well McPants has a girlfriend.

Vexin> It's not for me to judge - see you two later!

Squirrel_McPants> Bye Vexin.

WalkingDisaster> See ya, Vex!!

Vexin has left the room.

WalkingDisaster> Okay, that was awkward.

Squirrel_McPants> Why?

WalkingDisaster> She thinks we're interested in each other or something.

Squirrel_McPants> Nah, I think she was just remarking that we seem to have become friends.

Squirrel_McPants> Okay - finish this quote: 10 out of the 11 years, my girls were crowned. The year we lost...

WalkingDisaster> Well, I know you you have a girlfriend, so I don't want you to worry that I'm crushing on you or anything.

Squirrel_McPants> I'm not.

WalkingDisaster> ...the winner was a deaf-mute. You can't beat that.

WalkingDisaster> Not that you aren't awesome, of course.

Squirrel_McPants> Dammit - you are impossible to stump. Your turn.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, that's a given. And you of course, are just amazing. No wonder SaintSimon is always all over you.

WalkingDisaster> LOL - is he? I seriously hadn't noticed.

[That is so just like you, too. You have no idea how beautiful you are.]

WalkingDisaster> Okay, finish this one: hemorrhoid ointment?...

Squirrel_McPants> LOL... You really think the judges will look that closely?

WalkingDisaster> LOL - I love that one!

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, me too. Michael Caine is so competely over the top, yet it works.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, you don't really have to worry about my girlfriend anyway, even if you were crushing.

WalkingDisaster> Why's that?

Squirrel_McPants> It's just not working out.

WalkingDisaster> Do you want to talk about it?

Squirrel_McPants> I don't know. I guess I must if I mentioned it.

WalkingDisaster> Well you did listen to me last night, and it made me feel a bit better, so I owe you.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, it's just not working out.

WalkingDisaster> Yes, so you said. What exactly is not working?

[She wants to be with me, and I want to be with you, actually.]

Squirrel_McPants> We don't see eye-to-eye on things, and there's been tension between us because of it.

WalkingDisaster> Are these important things, or just day-to-day issues?

Squirrel_McPants> Kinda of important. And it's practically impossible to find a middle ground we can agree on.

[and that's the understatement of the year.]

WalkingDisaster> Do you love her?

Squirrel_McPants> Good question. There are things I love about her - she's a great person. But I don't love her, at least not in the way I want to love someone.

WalkingDisaster> What do you mean?

Squirrel_McPants> I can't bring myself to be the person she wants me to be, or even try to change the things she'd like changed. Maybe we are both too stubborn or set in our ways. But I'd like to think that if I really loved her, I'd at least be willing to try to change. And I don't.

WalkingDisaster> You said before you didn't think she was the one - could that be why you are not so willing to change?

Squirrel_McPants> Maybe. Sometimes I think there's no such thing as The One, and I should just be happy as I am. She really is wonderful.

WalkingDisaster> Better than being alone.

Squirrel_McPants> Yes. If I'm being truthful sometimes I wonder if that's why I don't break up with her. And that's a terrible thing to admit, because it makes it sounds like I don't appreciate all that she is.

WalkingDisaster> It sounds like you do, but it's just either not enough or the right combination.

Squirrel_McPants> Yes.

WalkingDisaster> So why do you believe there is The One?

Squirrel_McPants> Because I've seen her. And just when I think I should give up on it, something happens that reminds me that maybe things can and will work out.

WalkingDisaster> It sounds like you have already met The One.

[Shit. I don't want her to think that. It's too close to the truth.]

Squirrel_McPants> No, I haven't really. I meant that I've seen other people find their version of The One, so I have to believe mine is out there too.

WalkingDisaster> So do you settle, or brave it alone?

Squirrel_McPants> I suspect if I settle I will regret it.

WalkingDisaster> You are too interesting a person to settle, if you want my opinion. I hardly want to advocate breaking up someone's relationship, but I can hear in your words a sadness that tells me being alone might actually be more comforting to you than being with someone who can't give you all you want.

Squirrel_McPants> You're right, of course. She's called me four times today already, and I've neither answered the phone nor listend to her voice mails. I guess my avoidance says it all, doesn't it?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, that's probably not good.

Squirrel_McPants> Well I can't bear to face it tonight. I'll call her tomorrow.

WalkingDisaster> You are welcome to stick around here - Miss Congeniality 2 is coming up next!

Squirrel_McPants> Dear God. I hadn' realized that.

WalkingDisaster> Hehe - it's not as good as the first, but if you like Sandra Bullock...

Squirrel_McPants> I do. I've had a secret crush on her for years.

WalkingDisaster> Wow, another secret. I look forward to blackmailing you one day when you are rich and famous.

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, you'll be waiting a while on that one, Disaster.

WalkingDisaster> LOL - we'll see.

WalkingDisaster> Hey - just remember that if tomorrow go badly, I'm more than happy to be here if you need a friend through all this.

Squirrel_McPants> That means more than you can possible know.

Jim took all five blocks home at a full run. When he made it to his front door, he was gasping for breath and his chest hurt like hell. It had been a long time since he'd attempted such a physical feat, and for all the pain it was now causing him, it was nothing compared to the pure frustration he felt knowing he had to play Karen's little game until she was gone. He unlocked his front door, and found a sliver of satisfaction in the loud slam the door made as he kicked it closed behind him. He coughed briefly, his lungs still raw as his breathing returned to normal. He headed straight to the kitchen, to his special cabinet door down and to the left of the sink. The only thing that was going to relieve his current pain was alcohol.

He saw the cabinet was empty and remembered he'd left the Glenfiddich upstairs Friday night. He took the stairs two at a time, and when he reached the bottle he cracked it open and took a healthy gulp. It was a sacrilege to drink such a whisky that way, but he was past the point of caring. The burning of his throat was soon met with a warmth in his belly, and he carried the bottle with him as he walked into his bedroom. He slumped down on the edge of his bed, shoving the clothes he'd picked out earlier from his bed to the floor, cursing his misplaced optimism of mere hours earlier. He should have known Karen wouldn't let him walk away quite so easily.

He tipped back the Glenfiddich bottle for another sip, then set it down on his bed table as he laid back on his bed. He closed his eyes with his fists, pressing them into his sockets to stop the tears he felt coming. He groaned aloud, and wondered what in the world he was going to do. He knew what he should do. He should just wait Karen out. If she wanted to get out of Scranton it certainly shouldn't take her too long to manage to arrange something. Maybe he could even have a word with Jan to help speed the procedure along. But that's not what he wanted to do.

No, what he wanted more than anything was to go find Pam. To stick to his original plan of confessing everything to her, and try to make things right. Finally right. But how could he do that now? Not only would he have to ask forgiveness for spying on her, but then he'd have to hope she didn't have a problem hiding their new relationship from his vengeful ex-girlfriend. Altogether a bit too much for her to have to accept all at once, he thought. Pam certainly deserved more than that. He knew he had no choice - he was just going to have to be patient. And what was new about that? He'd been doing it for years. But it didn't mean he liked it any better.

He sat back up, grabbed his green bottled friend Glen and headed back downstairs. He knew he wasn't in the mood to be alone. If he didn't find some company he was going to turn into a morose drunk. His plans to see Pam shattered, it was still hours before Pam was due to be online. Even so, he hoped that someone would be there to help him pass the time.


TooMuchTrouble> No, not this time.

SaintSimon> But next time?

MairzyDoats> Hi Squirrel!

TooMuchTrouble> Next time for sure.

SaintSimon> Sure, sure.

Lokien> Hey McPants!

Vexin> How late did WD keep you up last night, Squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> Hey everyone.

Leikha has entered the room.

MairzyDoats> 'bout time, Leikha. I was nearly giving up on you!

TooMuchTrouble> Hello, Leikha

Squirrel_McPants> Hey, Vexin – I think I went to bed sometime after midnight.

Vexin> Damn - how many Miss Congeniality films are there? ;-)

Leikha> Sorry, Mairzy – I couldn't get my family to leave.

Squirrel_McPants> Just two. WD found a CSI marathon afterwards.

SaintSimon> Movie date, Squirrel? ;)

Lokien> McPants has a girlfriend, Simon. Don't start trouble.

Squirrel_McPants> Something like that, Simon. :-)

SaintSimon> Ooh – see, Lokien!

Squirrel_McPants> HAD a girlfriend, Lokien. HAD is the operative word.

MairzyDoats> Oh no! What happened??

Vexin> What happened, squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> Oh, long story. For now it's enough to say we broke up today.

Vexin> Oh, I'm sorry, squirrel.

Leikha> *hugs* squirrel.

Squirrel_McPants> Thanks, guys. I thought I'd come hang out with you while I finished off this bottle of Glen.

MairzyDoats> Glen?

Lokien> Do I want to know how much is in that bottle?

Squirrel_McPants> Glenfiddich. A bit over half.

Vexin> Woah – unless that's an airline comp bottle you might want to rethink your plan on drinking all of that.

Lokien> That's an awfully fine bottle of scotch to waste on a broad, mcpants.

SaintSimon> Yeah, get yourself some Mad Dog instead.

Squirrel_McPants> We'll see. ;-)

WalkingDisaster has entered the room.

Squirrel_McPants> Hey, you're early!

SaintSimon> Hiya WD *hugs*

[Damn it, Simon, don't you have some place to be? Someplace that's not here??]

WalkingDisaster> Well, hello to you too, Squirrelly! ;-)

Lokien> McPants was just telling us he broke up with his girlfriend.

TooMuchTrouble> Greetings, WD

WalkingDisaster> Oh, no! Are you okay?

Squirrel_McPants> I'll be fine.

Lokien> Spoken like a man already movin' on.

Vexin> Well, that still sucks anyway, squirrel.

Squirrel_McPants> I thought you were going to be at your parents' until this evening?

MairzyDoats> Leikha, did you hear the new one by Vestibule Hub?

WalkingDisaster> Oh, my dad wasn't feeling too well. I thought I'd leave early so Mom could coddle him. ;-)

MairzyDoats> Men. Do they ever change?? :-D

Squirrel_McPants> Nothing serious I hope?

Leikha> Yes! Thanks, Mairzy. It is AWESOME! Did you know they are touring with The Stents?

WalkingDisaster> No, probably just a chest cold. My mom's an old pro at knowing how to handle him.

Vexin> Well, hope he feels better soon!

MairzyDoats> Seriously? I'll be making a trip to catch that combo. You?

WalkingDisaster> Thanks, Vexin.

Leikha> If I can I will!


Jim sat back and watched the conversation roll past. He was starting to feel the mellowing effect of the whisky, combined with the pleasure of knowing where Pam was hours earlier than expected. It wasn't the way he'd been hoping this day would end, but he was going to do his damnedest to push this afternoon's ugliness with Karen out of his mind.

What he wanted was a repeat of last night – just some quiet conversation and laughter with Pam. Her ability to make him laugh could yet salvage the evening. But he knew he needed to be remember not to tell her too much; it would be so easy to reveal who he was without meaning to just because he was feeling too comfortable. Unfortunately what he wanted most was comfort. Still, knowing she was close was better than nothing. He paid closer attention to the screen as he noticed she was talking.

WalkingDisaster> Hey Vexin, I think I heard that song you were telling me about?

Vexin> What song?

WalkingDisaster> The avril levigne (sp?) one?

Vexin> Girlfriend?? Hee – what did you think?

Leikha> Lavigne, wd – but close enough!

MairzyDoats> LOL – I thought that was your song the first time I heard it, WD.

[what song??]

WalkingDisaster> LOL, what did you think I thought? I didn't know Avril'd been hanging around here. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> what song?

Vexin> a new song by avril lavigne called Girlfriend.

MairzyDoats> It's WalkingDisaster's theme song. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> I haven't heard it.

Leikha> Squirrel – here's a link to the lyrics: http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/avrillavigne/girlfriend.html

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, but it's kinda mean, squirrelly

MairzyDoats> No it's not! It's dead on. You can't help it he's got a stupid girlfriend.

WalkingDisaster> Well, she's actually far from stupid....

SaintSimon> There you go again, wd – being way too nice.

MairzyDoats> Yeah, he's really the stupid one if he's with her and not you.

WalkingDisaster> Okay, I know, I know. But it's hard for me to hate her that much when it's my own damn fault. I could have – SHOULD HAVE – called him this summer. Should have done a lot of things.

Lokien> Everybody's got regrets, Walking. Doesn't mean it's all your fault. He could have called you, too.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah. But it doesn't change the fact that I just miss him so much. :(

Squirrel_McPants> *hugs*

Vexin> You didn't see him at all this weekend?

WalkingDisaster> Thanks, squirrelly. :-) *hugs*

WalkingDisaster> No, I never do. I did drive past him today though. I was driving past his apartment like I always do, and I saw him out running.

[She what??]

MairzyDoats> Did you stop??

WalkingDisaster> No, of course not! What was my excuse for being on his street??

[I wish you would have.]

MairzyDoats> Oh, I don't know – he's your friend and you were stopping by to say hello?

WalkingDisaster> Nope, sorry. Not that brave.

[Unfortunately I completely understand.]

SaintSimon> And that's why you are home alone right now, Walking.

[Oh just shut up. Idiot.]

WalkingDisaster> I know. :-( If he didn't have a girlfriend, maybe I would have...

[Well, you'll soon find out you don't have that excuse anymore...]

MairzyDoats> You still need to let him know you are interested. Just so he knows he has options.

Vexin> Squirrel here is free now, WD. Maybe you need a whole new guy... :-)

WalkingDisaster> Hey thanks for the tip, Vexin. Does that sounds okay to you, Squirrel?

Lokien> You still with us, McPants? Or you already asleep?

Squirrel_McPants> No, I'm still here.

Squirrel_McPants> That's the best offer I've had all day, actually. :-)

WalkingDisaster> I'm sure that's not saying much, though...

Squirrel_McPants> No, you're already an improovement over this afternoon.

Squirrel_McPants> Er, improvement. :-)

*WalkingDisaster* are you sure you are okay, squirrel?

TooMuchTrouble> Finished the bottle yet?

Squirrel_McPants> No, actually not. I've not had another sip in a few mins.

*Squirrel_McPants* Well, I will be after a bit more whisky.

Lokien> Well, take it easy, okay? I've gotta fly.

Lokien has left the room.

*WalkingDisaster* Do you live alone?

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah.

Squirrel_McPants> Oops – that yeah was for you, wd.

SaintSimon> uh, oh – secret talk!

*WalkingDisaster* LOL! Listen, you shouldn't be drinking alone.

*Squirrel_McPants* Not a whole lot of options.

*WalkingDisaster* Do you want to talk about what happened?

Squirrel_McPants> No secret talk – I an barely manage normal talk today.

Squirrel_McPants> CAN barely. see?

Vexin> Do you want to talk about what happened with your girlfriend, squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> No, not really. Maybe some other day.

*Squirrel_McPants* not with everybody.

WalkingDisaster> But you're okay?

*WalkingDisaster* Want to just talk to me? We can go to our own channel, if you want.

Squirrel_McPants> I think I'm going to go lie down. I'll probably be back later.

MairzyDoats> You better check in! We don't want to be worried about you.

*Squirrel_McPants* give me a channel name and I'll try to get there. ;-)

Vexin> Maybe you should give us your phone number so we can call you later.

*WalkingDisaster* type slowly. :-D Here, to make it easy, just go to channel #Pam

Squirrel_McPants> I'll be fine, honest. I'm drinking, not suicidal. Trust me, she's not worth killing myself over.

WalkingDisaster> Very true. Remember – you said before that she wasn't The One. So you still have good stuff to look forward to.

*Squirrel_McPants* #Pam??

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, okay.

*WalkingDisaster* It's my name. I'll be there in a minute.

Squirrel_McPants> Talk to you guys later.

MairzyDoats> Take care, Squirrel!

SaintSimon> Later, Squirrel.

Vexin> Bye S


Jim typed quit and dropped out of IRC for a moment. He put his hand on the whisky bottle but decided not to drink any more. Not just yet. He was surprised that Pam had used her actual name, and he worried that she knew it was him. He got up and used the bathroom. When he came back, he took another shot of whisky for courage and logged onto channel #Pam.

WalkingDisaster> Hey, there you are. I was worried you got lost. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> No, sorry. Bathroom break.

WalkingDisaster> So what happened with your girlfriend?

Squirrel_McPants> You don't think that looked a bit suspicious that we just left together?

WalkingDisaster> I don't think so. I did message Vexin and told her where I was going, but as for the rest of them I really don't care if it does. I just want to make sure you're okay.

Squirrel_McPants> SaintSimon might get jealous.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, right. And what is it with you and him? Sounds like you are jealous of SaintSimon ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> He's just a bit over-friendly for my tastes.

WalkingDisaster> LOL. I barely talk to him. He's just that way with everyone. Well, with every girl, anyway.

Squirrel_McPants> He seems particularly fond of you.

WalkingDisaster> Well, the sentiment isn't reciprocated, in case you're worried.

Squirrel_McPants> I'm not worried.

WalkingDisaster> No, of course not. You're just defending my honor. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> Damn straight. :-)

WalkingDisaster> So do you want to talk about today, or not?

Squirrel_McPants> There's not a whole lot to say.

WalkingDisaster> Well it sounds like you are drinking a lot for nothing to say.

Squirrel_McPants> The day hasn't exactly gone to plan.

WalkingDisaster> I imagine not. What reason did she give?

[Careful with what you say here.]

Squirrel_McPants> She went back to an old boyfriend.

WalkingDisaster> Wow, just out of the blue?

Squirrel_McPants> No. I knew about him, but she said she was over him.

WalkingDisaster> And she wasn't?

Squirrel_McPants> Not by a long shot.

[Yeah, that's a nice twisting of reality.]

WalkingDisaster> Oh, I'm sorry, Squirrel.

Squirrel_McPants> You know, I'm not as upset about the break up as I thought I would be. I'm just tired of the fact that what happens next is still so uncertain. The possibility exists that after all is said and done, I'll just be alone.

WalkingDisaster> I know how you feel.

Squirrel_McPants> Do you? I mean, you are in love with someone, aren't you?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, but it's not reciprocated. He's with someone else.

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, and the same could have been said about my now ex-girlfriend and the guy she's probably with tonight. I mean, didn't this guy tell you he loved you?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah – last year.

Squirrel_McPants> And you think he didn't mean it?

WalkingDisaster> No, I know he meant it. But he moved away after I told him I couldn't, and he only moved back because he had to. He's had a girlfriend since his return, and he's given me no indication that he still feels at all the same. So you'll forgive me if I don't hold much faith that his feelings haven't changed.

[You couldn't be more wrong.]

Squirrel_McPants> But you've never really asked him, right? You haven't indicated how you feel?

WalkingDisaster> No, you're right, I haven't. I'm not as courageous as I might appear here.

Squirrel_McPants> So maybe he still does care, but it's all been an act because he doesn't see a reason to think you've changed towards him. If he really loved you, how could his feelings have changed so quickly?

WalkingDisaster> Maybe he just wanted me because he couldn't have me.

Squirrel_McPants> That sounds like bullshit. You're just scared.

WalkingDisaster> Damn right I'm scared.

Squirrel_McPants> Why?

WalkingDisaster> Because I really don't want to hear that he's not interested anymore.

Squirrel_McPants> You don't want to hear that you're now in his shoes.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, I guess so. Is that so wrong?

Squirrel_McPants> Yes, actually, I think it is very wrong.

WalkingDisaster> And how do you figure that?

Squirrel_McPants> If there is even the slightest chance for the two of you, it's wrong of you not to take that chance. He might be miserable without you, and here you are miserable without him, and it all could be solved in a minute.

WalkingDisaster> Or maybe he really has moved on, and I'm just making everything even more awkward between us then it already is.

Squirrel_McPants> Why would it be awkward between you if he's already over you? I would think he'd be completely comfortable around you if he didn't love you any more.

WalkingDisaster> I don't know! It just is, sometimes. I thought we were here to talk about you.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, I don't hold out much hope for me. But your situation just begs to be resolved.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, I'm glad it's so easy for you to see the answers to other people's problems!

[Shit.]

Squirrel_McPants> Hey, I'm sorry. I'm not trying to upset you. I'm trying to help, really. What's this guy's name?

WalkingDisaster> Jim.

Squirrel_McPants> Okay, well – you seem to think this Jim's great, right? I mean, even though you don't seem to talk much to him lately and he's got a girlfriend and all that?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, he is.

Squirrel_McPants> Why do you think that? I mean, it doesn't sound like he's been treating you the best.

WalkingDisaster> It's hard to explain. Sometimes there's just this look he gets, and I can't help but think he's just not happy. Not the way he used to be. And I feel like it's all my fault.

Squirrel_McPants> Why don't you ask him if he's not happy?

WalkingDisaster> I'm not sure it's my place to ask.

Squirrel_McPants> Ask anyway.

WalkingDisaster> Hmm.

Squirrel_McPants> Seriously. (and is your name REALLY Pam?) If you are afraid to go at him with the big stuff, at least start talking to him about general crap more. I mean, what do you talk to him about now?

WalkingDisaster> Work stuff. The weather.

Squirrel_McPants> Exciting. I can't believe he doesn't already know you are crazy about him!

WalkingDisaster> Shut up, McPants!

WalkingDisaster> And yes, my name really is Pam. Why?

Squirrel_McPants> And his name is Jim? Pam and Jim?? God, they sound like code names.

WalkingDisaster> No, we really are that boring in Scranton. Sorry! Why, what's your real name?

[Damn. Should have seen that one coming.]

Squirrel_McPants> Squirrel McPants. That's my real name.

WalkingDisaster> It is not! But fine, don't tell me if you don't want to.

Squirrel_McPants> No, I don't care if you know. It's Matt. Matthew.

[Might as well stick with something I'll remember.]

WalkingDisaster> Huh. That's Jim's middle name.

[How does she know that???]

Squirrel_McPants> Wow. Small world. It's only like the top boys named in the last century. :P

WalkingDisaster> I'm just saying! Geesh. You'd think I was accusing you of something.

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, you caught me. I'm really Jim. I've been stalking you.

WalkingDisaster> LOL – don't even joke like that!!

Squirrel_McPants> Why not?

WalkingDisaster> Because I would kill him for being so sneaky!! Then I would die of embarrassment.

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, but once you killed him, there would be no reason to be embarrassed.

WalkingDisaster> Ooh, good point. I'd just kill him.

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, but then at least he'd already know how you felt. Maybe it would be a blessing in disguise.

WalkingDisaster> OMG! Are you defending him?

Squirrel_McPants> LOL – I'm just saying it would make things easier for you he was, wouldn't it?

WalkingDisaster> Hmm. It would still be a pretty underhanded thing to do. I would be seriously angry.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, I'm not him, I'm just saying.

WalkingDisaster> I know you aren't him, goofball.

Squirrel_McPants> And you are so sure how?

WalkingDisaster> His girlfriend would NEVER let him spend this much time unattended, I'm sure. I get the impression she watches him like a hawk.

[I completely underestimated your powers of observation, Beesly. You win.]

Squirrel_McPants> And you wonder why he seems so unhappy then??

WalkingDisaster> LOL. Yeah, I guess.

Squirrel_McPants> Okay, so do one thing for me.

WalkingDisaster> What's that?

Squirrel_McPants> Talk to him tomorrow. Something not about work, not about the damn weather.

WalkingDisaster> Like what?

Squirrel_McPants> I don't know. Find out something new, like his favorite color. Do you even know his favorite color?

WalkingDisaster> I think it's blue.

Squirrel_McPants> That's what all guys say. But is it really? Pin him down on his favorite color, then tell me tomorrow what it is.

WalkingDisaster> You're crazy.

Squirrel_McPants> Do it. It will make a broken-hearted man very happy.

WalkingDisaster> LOL. You hardly sound broken-hearted.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, maybe you just cheered me up exceedingly well. Promise me about the color thing, though.

WalkingDisaster> Fine. I promise. I'll ask him what his favorite color is and tell you tomorrow what he said.

Squirrel_McPants> Good. Then the next day you can tell him you're in love with him.

Jim cradled his hot mug of coffee between two hands and bent over the table to let the rising steam hit his face. He winced openly at the sound of shattering dishes back in direction of the cooking area.

"How much whisky did you drink last night, man?" Toby asked softly, concern marking his tired face. He had agreed to a pre-work breakfast meeting with Jim at this small local diner, but once he arrived he could tell Jim was in no shape for anything but coffee.

"It didn't seem like much at the time, I swear," Jim replied, sipping his coffee gingerly. "But this pounding in my head begs to differ."

"So tell me what happened this weekend that you needed to meet me before work."

Jim glanced over at his friend. "Karen and I broke up yesterday."

"Oh, man, I'm sorry to hear that," Toby said sympathetically. "That at least explains the drinking."

"Well, not quite like you think," Jim replied. He took another sip, as if to fortify himself. "I broke up with her, and she didn't exactly take it well."

Toby nodded. "It's not a problem to redact the relationship paperwork, if you are worried about that."

"I wish it were that easy."

"What do you mean?"

Jim closed his eyes for a moment, then focused his gaze back on Toby. "I don't know how much of what she said was out of sheer anger and hurt feelings,” he explained, his voice sounding as rough as he looked, “but she made some fairly specific threats about not hesitating to claim sexual harassment if I didn't keep quiet about the circumstances of the break up until after she's left Scranton."

"What kind of claims?" Toby's eyebrows raised slightly, a more animated response than Jim had seen on his friend’s face in quite some time.

"She said she'd claim I coerced her to move here with me to pursue a relationship, only to drop her for another employee shortly afterwards." Jim drank more coffee. "She can't really do that, can she?"

"Well, she could," Toby replied thoughtfully, "But you've been together for what? Five months or so? That would make it unlikely she could really prove anything without some sort of documented proof."

"Documented proof like what?"

"Emails, letters, taped conversations. Stuff like that where you are strongly encouraging her to come to Scranton with you. But it would also have to include some sort of proof that you were holding over her your job as her supervisor as some sort of directive for her to comply."

"Yeah, there was nothing like that. I mean, we really didn‘t even start to date until I came back."

"Then you probably don't have anything to worry about." Toby went silent when the waitress poured them both more coffee. "All the same," he continued, "It could turn into a pain in the ass, especially once Michael got wind of it.“

“Hell, I hadn’t even thought of what he’d do with this sort of information,“ Jim groaned.

“Yeah, exactly.“ Toby put his hand on Jim’s sleeve briefly. “Listen, she was probably just talking to scare you, and I know you’d never do anything like that. But all the same, if I were you I would probably do what she wants until she's gone. It sucks but it’s just for the best, you know?“

“Yeah,” Jim nodded glumly, “That was my plan. I just hope she transfers soon.”

“I can talk to Jan this morning if you like, so it doesn't look like you had any hand in it."

"I would really appreciate that, man. Thanks." Jim added more cream to his coffee. "I can't begin to tell you how ugly it was yesterday."

"Do I want to know what caused the break up?” Toby paused. “Or do I already know?"

Jim gave him a silent stare.

"Yeah, thought so," Toby replied. "Have you talked to Pam about this?"

Jim rubbed his painful temples with the hand not currently stirring his coffee. "She doesn't know anything about this, and I would really like to keep it that way until Karen's gone. She doesn't need to get dragged into this."

"But she's why you and Karen didn't work out, right?"

Jim sighed and gave his old friend a half-smile. "It's never really that simple, is it? I started dating Karen because I felt I was ready to move on. But it just wasn't that easy. It became apparent to me that we wanted different things, and I guess I just couldn't be the person she wanted me to be. The person I thought I wanted me to be. Right now I don't know what will happen with Pam, but it wasn't working to just pretend things had changed between Pam and me.” He stopped, as if he worried he'd said too much. “I trust you to keep this all to yourself, Toby.”

“Of course I will. I'm your HR representative, by I'm also you're friend. I'll help in any way I can.”

Jim nodded, biting his lip. “I am not entirely pessimistic about how things might go with Pam, but I can't even consider it until Karen is gone. I think it's for the best to keep the two relationships as far apart as possible. It would not take much for Karen to make Pam an inappropriate and unfortunate target of her anger at me."

"I got it. No problem," Toby nodded. "I just hope this all gets sorted out for you soon."

"Me too, man," Jim nodded slowly. "Me, too."

The two men finished their coffee in relative silence, left some money on the table and walked out to their cars. Toby watched Jim unlock his car and pull his door open slowly.

“Jim, you really look like hell, man. You should just go home and sleep. Come in later when you feel better.”

Jim smiled sheepishly. “That sounds like a great idea, actually. I’m not sure I can face anybody right now anyway. I’ll give Pam a call and let her know I won't be in until later, that way you can act surprised if someone mentions it and that way Karen doesn’t know we met this morning.”

Toby patted him on the back. “I’ll act surprised if she comes in to tell me the news.”

“I have no doubt she'll be coming to see you,” Jim replied.

Jim thanked him and got in his car. He checked his watch and wondered if Pam would be in the office yet. He thought he’d wait until he got home to call. He could just leave a message, but he thought it would be nice to talk to her, if just for a few minutes. He knew he would have to avoid her once he stepped into the office.

He was undressed and stretched out under his blankets when he finally called the office.

“Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.”

He smiled at the sound of her voice. “It's a little early to be bored already, isn't it?”

“Hey,” she replied softly, the sound of smile evident. “What do you doing calling?”

“I just wanted to let you know that I am not feeling too good right now, so I'm going to sleep a bit longer and hope I can get in sometime around lunch.”

“Oh, are you okay?”

“Yeah,” he replied, trying to come up with something reasonable. “I think it's a sinus infection. I've had some headaches all weekend and this morning's is just unbearable. I've got a call into the doctor's office.”

“Oh, okay,” she replied. “If you need me to get anything for you – medication or something...”

“Oh, no – I'll be fine,” he said. “But thanks for offering.”

They was the slightest pause and Jim could hear her sigh. “What's the matter with you?”

“Oh, nothing. Just Monday, you know,” she replied. “I'll tell Michael that you'll be in late, and I'll make sure he doesn't try and call you.”

“Thanks, I really appreciate that.”

“Oh, I guess Karen knows you're ill.”

Jim didn't want to mention the break-up, not over the phone like this. “Um, yeah, don't worry about telling her anything.”

“Okay, I guess I see you later then.”

“Yeah – I'll see you soon.”

“Great. Get some sleep and feel better.”

“I'm in bed right now,” he replied, as if to prove he was trying.

“Oh!” She sounded surprised.
“Yeah, well, you know – to get that rest I need. I seem to recall you're a big advocate of me getting my sleep.”

“Right,” she said softly, and Jim smiled because he swore he heard her blushing.

“Okay, talk to you later, Pam.”

“Bye, Jim.”

He hung up his cell phone and rolled onto his stomach. He pushed the phone to the corner of his bed and bunched his pillow up under his head until it gave him some support against the pain in his head. Pain, he noted, he hadn't much noticed when he was talking to Pam. He closed his eyes and willed himself not to fall apart just yet. He needed to keep his wall of indifference to Pam up for a little while longer, though he knew it had been quickly dissolving since he first found her online last Thursday.

Sleep came quickly, and when his cell phone rang Jim was sure less than thirty minutes must have passed. He grumbled a bit, thinking it was Karen, or worse – Michael, but he reached for it anyway. The display gave him two surprises. The first was that it was already nearly eleven, and the second was that it was from Dunder Mifflin's main phone line. He wondered why Pam was calling.

“Yeah?” Jim answered groggily.

“I'm sorry if I woke you, Jim,” Pam said immediately.

“No, that's fine. I probably should be getting up anyway.”

“Well, that's kind of why I'm calling. I just found out that Michael is leaving somewhere with Jan at around one today. So if you wanted to stretch out your arrival until sometime a little after lunch...”

“Yes, I see what you're saying.” Jim stretched and ran his hand through his hair, grateful to discover his headache was reduced significantly.

“I thought you might.”

“Thank you, Pam,” he grinned. “Your kindness will not be soon forgotten.”

Pam laughed. “Okay, well at least you sound like you feel better.”

“Yeah, I'm getting there.”

“Well I am sorry I woke you,” she said quietly. “I just didn't want you to rush in here and then get questioned by Michael if you could easily avoid it.”

“I'm glad you did. I'm sure I can get back to sleep pretty easily.”

“Okay, sleep tight. See you later.”

“Yeah, Bye Pam.”

Jim tried to go back to sleep, but he kept hearing Pam's voice in his head, and decided that he might as well get up and make the most of his time. He took his time redressing, ran a few errands, and as he pulled into the Dunder Mifflin parking lot, noted with satisfaction that Michael's car was indeed gone.

He walked into the building feeling fairly good, relieved his headache had left him, and looking forward to giving Pam the little gift he'd picked up. He hoped it was the start of his ability to always surprise her with things. She was so easily pleased, and felt a bit of excitement as he thought about the look on her face when he presents his current gift. A thank you of sorts for helping him avoid Michael. As he walked into the office, the first face he saw was Karen's, standing as she was at Pam's desk. In a moment he pushed all his good feelings down, hiding them behind a expressionless face, and he thought how glad he was that Pam's gift was in the bottom of his messenger bag. It was definitely something that would have to wait.

He said hello to no one in particular as he hung up his coat, hearing Pam's quiet reply, but nothing from Karen except instructions to Pam on mailing the papers she had just given her.

Jim sat down at his desk, and focused on turning on his computer. He looked up to see Dwight staring at him.

“I know, Dwight, I'm late.”

“Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, thank you.”

“Good.”

Jim made a face of disbelief. Dwight never let absences go, even if they were legitimate. “What's wrong?” Jim asked him.

“Nothing, why?”

“You don't care that I am late today.”

“Pam told me you were ill this morning.”

“You ALWAYS care when I'm late.”

Dwight looked at him intently. Then he jerked his head back. “Kitchen.” He stood and walked immediately into the kitchen.

Beyond curious, Jim followed him. By the time Jim entered the kitchen, Dwight had just finished closing all the blinds.

“Dwight, what is up with you? You're being weird for you.”

Dwight stood face-to-face, mere inches from Jim. “I understand that things have changed between you and Karen. Women can be very unpredictable in this state. I appreciate your need to be careful. Staggering your usual routine is an excellent method of throwing her off your trail. The last thing you want is a surprise attack.”

Shit, Jim thought. If Dwight knew, everyone had to know. Pam must know. Dammit, he didn't want Pam to know, not yet.

“Thank you for your support, Dwight,” Jim said, mimicking Dwight's serious tone.

“Not a problem. These things happen. I hope you will chose more wisely in the future, but for now, I am here to help.” Dwight further surprised Jim with a tight but fortunately quick hug, and then left the kitchen. Jim stood by the sink wondering if he'd really just experienced that whole interaction.

He was still standing there when the kitchen door swung open, and in walked Pam carrying her empty mug. He stepped back from the sink as she approached, but gave her no greeting. He was still mulling over the fact that she had to know that he and Karen had broken up, and he was worried about several things. First in his mind was that she'd make the connection between their break-up and Squirrel McPants' break-up. Why did he feel the need to tell her so much last night?

Secondly, and in some ways much more important to him, was his fear that with Pam knowing he was single again, she would think he wasn't interested in her if he didn't say something. Say something soon. But until Karen left he didn't want to risk it. He wanted to be able to take his time, to do it right, unlike his last failed attempt. He felt the pressure to let her know that he did care, not because he expected her to fall into someone else's arms, but because he didn't want her to spend another day thinking he didn't care. Because he did care. Part of the reason his life was feeling like such a fucked up mess right now was exactly because he did care so damn much.

“You okay?” Pam voice startled him out of his reverie.

“Oh, yeah.” He looked at her and the genuine concern on her face made him falter. “Um, actually, no.” He felt himself flush under her scrutiny and shifted his gaze from her lovely face to the floor. It was much safer staring at the floor.

“Can I help?” Again her voice touched him, making him just want to confess everything. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“No,” he said, realizing he sounded a little too gruff. “I mean,” he said more gently, “I would like to. I would.” He glanced up at her. “Now's just not a good time.”

“Oh, okay,” she replied, turning from him and washing her mug out.

He knew he should just walk out, leave things as they were. But he sensed he'd hurt her feelings, and he simply couldn't let that stand. He took a step forward and put a tentative hand on her shoulder. She jumped in surprise, and he quickly pulled his hand back, as if the softness of her sweater had somehow burned him. He felt his heart race erratically from the brief contact.

“I, um, I appreciate your concern,” he said. “I really do.”

She nodded, and continued to rinse out her mug. “Well you know where to find me,” she said, “if you need me.”

He nodded silently, then forced himself to turn around and walk out. It was so much less than he wanted to say, but he'd already taken too much risk that Karen would walk in and find them together. He sat back down at his desk and forced himself to focus on work. He sent Toby an email, asking him if Karen had approached him yet, or if he'd talked to Jan. He then started in on paperwork, hoping the week would pass quicker than he feared it would.

He had run through a good number of his weekly projection reports when he noticed he had an email waiting for him. He saw it was from Pam and clicked it open, then to be safe hid it partially behind a web browser. He glanced over at Karen, but she was talking to someone on the telephone. The email was brief and to the point:

Hey, I meant to ask you earlier: what's your favorite color?

Jim's reaction was the first authentic smile he'd had since walking into the office. He quickly hid it behind his fingers as he rested his chin in his hand. He'd almost forgotten his request to Pam last night. He thought she was definitely following through with her promise to ask, but she wasn't exactly following the spirit of the request. He'd made it pretty clear that it was supposed to be part of an attempt by her to talk to him more. He laughed to himself, knowing that there was no way he was going to make it this easy for her. His reply was short, too:

Why do you want to know?

He looked forward to hearing what reason she came up with. He was sure her reply would not be quick in coming, and turned back to his reports. When he saw the flag for new mail, he thought it might be a reply from Toby, and decided to finish what he was working on first. When he added the last projection for the last salesperson, Jim hit the print button and then pulled up his email. It wasn't a response from Toby, but from Pam:

I am doing an art project, and I need to know for that.

Nice, he thought. He should have expected her to fall back on such an excuse. It was clear he was out of practice when it came to stumping his very best prank accomplice. He warmed at the thought of returning to the habit of trying to one-up her. She would not be rewarded with an answer quite so quickly.

What sort of art project?

He stood up to gather his print outs, and noticed with pleasure that it was already coming up to four o'clock. Already he could see that Phyllis had left, and Kevin looked like he was about to. He hoped Karen was one of them who didn't want to stay a minute longer past five. He still needed to give Pam the gift he had for her. He stopped at the reception desk, his reports in his hands.

“Is there any chance you can stay for a little bit after five tonight?” He said in a low voice, leaning slightly in so no one else could hear him.

“Um, sure,” she replied, equally as quiet. I do have an art class at six-thirty though, will you need me to stay that long?”

“Oh, that's right,” he replied, slightly frowning. “Mondays and Wednesdays, right?”

“Yeah, how did you know that?”

Jim stopped to think. “I guess I must have heard you tell Kelly or something,” he said. “I just knew.”

“Right,” Pam replied, nodding.

“So yeah - I mean no, you won't need to stay for very long. If that's okay.”

“Sure, that's fine.”

“Good.” Jim continued to stand at her desk, feeling increasingly awkward. He finally took a few jelly beans and sat back down. He noticed Karen looking his way and gave her a carefully controlled blank stare until she looked away. He was relieved to see that she wasn't looking angry. If anything, she just looked distant, as if she was thinking about something completely unrelated to him when she just happened to look his way. He hoped she was already weighing the possibilities between new job opportunities.


At five o'clock the mass exodus began, and by five-fifteen Jim noticed there was no one to be seen but he and Pam. He pushed his paperwork to the side of his desk for the day and reached down into his bag. Grabbing the rectangular box from the bottom, he stood up and wandered over to Pam's desk, feeling a mix of relief that he didn't need to worry about being watched, and anticipation of her reaction.

“Hey,” he greeted her, holding the box below the counter.

“Hey,” she replied, turning her attention from her computer to him. “What do you need?”

“Well,” he grinned sheepishly, “I need to give you something.”

She smiled up at him. “Ooh! A present?”

“Yes,” he said, feeling much less nervous than he was a moment ago. “I said I would not forget your kindness this morning in informing me of Michael's departure,” he lifted the box up over the counter and placed it in front of her, “and I didn't.”

Pam looked down and immediately started laughing, her hand covering her mouth. “Oh, this is fabulous, thank you!”

She tore the clear plastic wrap off the multicolored pencil box, the Crayola logo splashed brightly across the top of the lid. She lifted the hinged lid and peered inside at the smaller boxes of crayons, grouped together in packs by shade.

“There are 150 different colors in there,” Jim told her, pleased by her reaction.

“Wow – this must be every shade Crayola's ever made.”

“Yes, I think that's exactly what it is. It's some sort of commemorative set.”

Pam leaned forward, putting her face right into the box and breathing in deeply.

“What are you doing?” Jim laughed.

“Oh my God, I love the smell of Crayola crayons! Don't you?”

“I can't say that I've ever thought about it.”

She lifted the box up to him. “You have to smell these then.”

“That's okay,” he replied, waving them away.

“No, really – just smell them, Jim.”

Jim leaned in and gave her a look that made it clear he was doing it entirely to humor the crazy woman. He took one sniff and raised his eyebrows up in surprise. He leaned in and smelled them some more. “I know that scent,” he said in amazement.

“I knew you did!” Pam laughed. “Nice, isn't it?”

“Yeah,” he smiled, “It is, actually.”

“They need to make perfume that smells like this,” Pam said, smelling the crayons once more before shutting the box. “I would totally wear it.”

“And you would be the hit with all the elementary school boys,” Jim teased.

“It would be an improvement over these days,” she quipped. She looked up, slightly embarrassed as she realized what she'd just said. “Anyway, thanks. This was really nice of you.”

Jim felt the moment slipping away, and didn't know what to do to stop it. “Sure,” he said, looking at his fingers tapping on the counter. “Enjoy them.”

“Oh, I will,” she replied, smiling again.

“I guess you better get going if you don't want to be late for your art class,” Jim said, stepping back from the counter.

“No, you're right,” she replied, standing up. “Thanks for the reminder.”

Jim sat back down at his desk, watching her put her coat on. “Good night, Pam,” he said before turning back to his computer screen.

“Good night, Jim,” Pam called.

Jim waited for the sound of the door closing behind her, but it didn't come. He noticed movement in his peripheral vision so he turned back around, and found Pam just steps from his chair. She looked a bit nervous.

“You never answered my question,” she said. “What's your favorite color?”

“Oh, that,” Jim replied, bringing his hand to his face. His fingers pulled on his lower lip as he thought a moment. “What was the color of your dress last year?”

“L-last year?” Pam stuttered, surprise clearly registering on her face.

“Yes, it was blue-ish, but not quite.”

Pam walked back around her desk and stood there for a moment. When she came back towards Jim she was holding a single crayon.

“It was periwinkle,” she said, handing him the crayon.

He took it from her fingers and rolled it between his.

“Yes,” he finally said. “This is it. This is my favorite color.”

It was nearing ten o'clock and Jim had yet to see any sign of Pam in the chat room. She had left the office immediately after he'd confessed to his favorite color; her surprised little “Oh!” and head tilt, plus the fact she'd forgotten to take the crayon back, made him wonder if she was more surprised or upset with his choice. He couldn't possibly see how it would have upset her, unless she had never expected him to mention that night to her in any form ever again. And on further consideration he had to admit that it wasn't unlikely she'd thought that. It wasn't as if he'd ever broached the subject before that point; and she certainly hadn't said anything. That is, not until she mentioned their kiss to Roy and put a final nail in the coffin of that relationship. (A nail well overdue, he thought.) So he was more than a little anxious to see what her reaction was to today via their usual online haunt.

He joined the chat room shortly before eight o'clock. He figured Pam's class lasted until at least eight-thirty, and he didn't want to seem as obvious as he had on his first night, timing his arrivals or departures to coincide with hers. Besides, he had come to like most of the people he chatted with, and he wondered how classes had gone for MairzyDoats, or what new work Vexin might be doing.

Vexin> Hey Squirrel! How'd today go?

Squirrel_McPants> Started off a bit rough, but ended well. Where is everyone?

Vexin> Good question. SaintSimon just left to meet some friends, and I know TooMuchTrouble is out of town for a few days.

Squirrel_McPants> And Lokien?

Vexin> I think he's pulling the late shift these semester.

Squirrel_McPants> Late shift? What does he do?

Vexin> He an philosophy professor at Berkeley.

Squirrel_McPants> Get out!

Vexin> No, seriously – never would have guessed, huh?

Squirrel_McPants> Well, he seems a little – what's the word?

Vexin> Bitter?

Squirrel_McPants> Cynical. :-)

Vexin> Aw, that's just his front. He's really quite a sweetheart. I've known him for years – even before this chat. He's the one who told me about it.

Squirrel_McPants> Huh. Has it always been this same set of people?

Vexin> Heavens no. We used to be quite a big group. You'd log on and find a dozen or so people chatting. We've quieted down in the last year or so – more people using AOL messenger or whatever.

Squirrel_McPants> But you prefer IRC?

Vexin> Oh yeah. I don't need to give out all my personal information just to be able to talk to people. And you can meet a whole new group of people at one time here, as opposed to some Buddy list. I mean hell – would I have ever met you on AOL or MSN?

Squirrel_McPants> Excellent point, as usual, Vexin. :-D

Vexin> Oh shut it, Squirrel. You are very good at playing up to people. What are you, some sort of politician?? ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> Ha – not hardly. I'm an elementary school teacher.

Vexin> Really? I would have taken you for someone who works with older children – like someone in sales.

[Damn it. Does she know who I am?]

Squirrel_McPants> Why would you say that?

Lokien has entered the room.

Vexin> I'm not sure, it's just a feeling.

Vexin> Hey, there you are, Loki!

Squirrel_McPants> I guess teaching is a bit like sales, though.

Lokien> Hey there yourself, Vex. :)

Vexin> Yeah, or sales is a bit like teaching.

Squirrel_McPants> Hello Lokien.

Vexin> I wonder where WalkingDisaster is?

Lokien> McPants – did the whisky have you over a barrel this morning?? (Get it?)

Squirrel_McPants> Doesn't she have a class on Mondays?

Vexin> Yes, but she's usually here by now if she's going to show up at all.

Squirrel_McPants> Very funny. And yes, yes it certainly did. This morning was quite rough.

Lokien> Did you end up going to work?

Squirrel_McPants> I had someone cover for me the first half of the day, actually.

Lokien> Well, I hope you learned your lesson.

Vexin> And what lesson would that be, Lokien?

Lokien> Don't waste good whisky on a broad. ;)

Squirrel_McPants> Is this in line with your philosophical studies, Lokien?

Lokien> Damn you, woman – have you been ratting me out again?

Vexin> Well, he did ask. :-)

Lokien> Uh huh. And did you tell him about YOUR movie star husband?

[I should probably pretend I don't know, in case Pam wasn't supposed to tell me.]

Squirrel_McPants> What?? :-D

Vexin> Oh shush, Loki. He's done most of his work in television. And we aren't married yet.

Lokien> Well, whatever. She's got quite the hot loverboy, McPants. I've seen him. Younger than she is by a few years, too.

WalkingDisaster has entered the room.

Squirrel_McPants> Nice, Vexin! I've always appreciated the lure of an older woman myself.

Vexin> Yeah, well don't start calling me Mrs. Robinson just yet. He's only about 10 years younger.

Vexin> It's WalkingDisaster!!

Lokien> Only!!

Vexin> Hiya, WD! Where've you been?

Squirrel_McPants> Hello, Walking.

Vexin> Jealous much, Loki? ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Hey guys.

Vexin> What's up, sweetie? We were wondering where you were.

Squirrel_McPants> How did art class go?

WalkingDisaster> It was fine.

Lokien> You don't sound like yourself. What's wrong, WD?

WalkingDisaster> Oh, I'm not feeling too well. My head is killing me.

Vexin> Aww :(

WalkingDisaster> I just wanted to stop in and see who was here.

*Squirrel_McPants* I'm sorry you don't feel well, WD.

Vexin> I'm glad you did – I would have worried.

*WalkingDisaster* I'll be fine. I just need to sleep, I think.

Lokien> Hey, this might make you feel better: how's Mr. Wonderful?

WalkingDisaster> Heh. Now there's a story.

Lokien> What?

Vexin> Do tell! ;-)

WalkingDisaster> I came into work this morning to have one of the women in the office run up to me within the first hour there and tell me that he had broken up with his girlfriend.

Vexin> OMG! Really?

WalkingDisaster> Yes, really. Apparently she'd overheard the girlfriend tell our HR guy that he could rip up their paperwork.

[At least I know she saw Toby then.]

Squirrel_McPants> What paperwork?

WalkingDisaster> Our company makes you file paperwork when you are in a relationship with another employee from the same branch.

Vexin> Oh, wow. That must have made you happy.

WalkingDisaster> I guess. I mean, it's not like I know why they broke up or anything.

Squirrel_McPants> What did Mr. Wonderful say?

WalkingDisaster> Nothing really. He came in late and pretty much kept to himself.

[What? What about the phone calls? And the gift??]

Vexin> Well, I still think it's got to be good. One less obstacle now, right?

WalkingDisaster> I guess. Maybe I'll be more excited about the possibilities when I feel better.

Vexin> Oh, you will. This is *great* news, WD!

WalkingDisaster> So what's new with you guys?

*Squirrel_McPants* did you get to ask him about his favorite color?

[I wish I could go see her and see if she needs anything. I need to think of a reason to call....]

Lokien> nothing exciting. Work, Heroes on TiVo, here. :-)

Vexin> I might have to fly out to LA next weekend.

WalkingDisaster> Ooh! To see the honey??

*WalkingDisaster* Yes.

Vexin> Yeah, he's attending the premiere of a movie a friend of his did, and wants me to be there. I haven't decided yet.

WalkingDisaster> Vexin! Did he ask you to attend?

Vexin> Yes.

WalkingDisaster> And do you love him?

Vexin> Of course I do.

WalkingDisaster> Then what's the problem??

Lokien> Yeah, you need to get over this phobia you have. Go and show off what's yours! I'm sure you will find the only negative comments will be coming from women who are jealous as old cats.

Squirrel_McPants> And just how jealous do old cats get?

Lokien> Very.

Squirrel_McPants> LOL - good to know.

*Squirrel_McPants* So what did he say?

Vexin> I know, you guys are right. And I do miss him - I haven't seen him in nearly two weeks!! I'm just glad we are on a friends and family plan for as often as we talk and text on the phone.

WalkingDisaster> You should have him come in here to meet all of us!

Vexin> LOL - That's okay, I don't need you dishing him all the dirt on me!

Lokien> Well we better get invites to the wedding.

Vexin> Yes, I promise you that - you will all be invited to that.

WalkingDisaster> You should set a date when you see him in LA!

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, I bet he'd love that!

Vexin> Guys! Relax! :-) To be honest, I have been thinking about it. I even put out some feelings for jobs I could take on if I was living on the west coast.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah!!

Lokien> Hey, move to Berkeley, Vex. You know I'd love the company.

Vexin> It's not out of the question, Loki. He's already told me he doesn't care where in California I want to be, as long as it's coastal. He said he can keep a small place in LA for us.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, that's wonderful, Vexin. I feel a little better just hearing all this happy news.

[Why hasn't she answered my question?]

Vexin> Good to hear, WD. Now start turning some of that optimism inward. Mister Wonderful is now officially available!!!!!!!

*Squirrel_McPants* So, what color did he tell you?

WalkingDisaster> :-) I think on that note I'm going to go to bed. I really am not feeling well.

Lokien> Okay, WD. Sorry to hear that, but you need to look after yourself.

Vexin> Sure thing, Walking. I know we'll talk again soon. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, sorry you don't feel well, WD. Take care.

WalkingDisaster> Bye, guys.

*WalkingDisaster* Periwinkle.

WalkingDisaster has left the room.

Jim was puzzled. He wasn't so vain that he expected Pam to be bursting with excitement over his break-up with Karen, but he had thought she might be slightly more pleased about the situation. He had been probably as pessimistic over their relationship as she was, but after 4 days of chatting online, he did truly believe that she loved him, and that was saying something. There was absolutely no misunderstanding on that fact, even if it was far from evident in their face-to-face interactions. Much as he had been for the last few years, she was now a master at hiding her feelings. But this was the one place she didn't do that, and so he wondered what was troubling her.

He knew he should just stick with the simple reason she'd given: that she'd developed a headache and just did not feel well. He knew how badly he'd felt this morning; he probably would have had a hard time working up enthusiasm for anything except more sleep and pain relief. And she was correct: just because they'd broken up didn't tell her anything. She still didn't know that he'd left Karen because he knew he could be with Pam. For all she knew Karen broke up with him, and he was home trying to figure out how to win her back. That thought probably wouldn't do much for her mood either.

He fought back the instinct that told him to just get up and drive over to her apartment. He tried to come up with a reason it wasn't a good idea to go, and in the end the only reason he could come up with was that she wasn't feeling well. With so much to confess, from his Squirrel McPants facade to how they'd have to keep their relationship secret, he didn't think her having a headache was the ideal time to talk about so much. He wanted her happy and open to him, like she was this afternoon when he gave her the crayons. He thought about their moment together earlier today, and it reminded him that it really would work out. They had been able to joke and laugh so easily together that he knew he would be able to win her over when the time was right. He just had to be patient. He decided that he would gauge her state of mind tomorrow, and if he felt he could get a smile out of her, he'd ask if he could come over and see her tomorrow night. This plan made him feel hopeful for the first time since Sunday morning.

Jim stayed online and chatted with Lokien and Vexin for a little while longer, talking about things like life in college and horrors of family holidays. Jim was about to say he'd be leaving soon when Vexin's conversation startled him.

Vexin> Know what's funny?

Squirrel_McPants> What's that?

Vexin> You broke up with your girlfriend on Sunday, right Squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah.

[I already don't like where this is going...]

Vexin> And Mr. Wonderful seems to have broken up with his girlfriend this weekend, too.

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, seems like it.

Vexin> That's a funny coincidence, don't you think?

[What do you want me to say? I owe it to Pam to tell her the truth before I tell anyone else, no matter how much I might like you.]

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah. Shame she doesn't like me instead, given that I'm available now too!

Lokien> LOL

Vexin> *laugh* True enough, Squirrel. True enough.

[Phew! Dodged that bullet!]

Lokien> You like WD, McPants?

Squirrel_McPants> Sure - for as much as I know her. Doesn't everyone?

Lokien> Yeah, but she seemed to take to you right from the start. Maybe your joke isn't as crazy as it sounds.

Squirrel_McPants> We don't even know what each other looks like. I think there might be a few hurdles to overcome for her to even be interested in me.

Lokien> Like what?

Squirrel_McPants> Well we don't live in the same town, so dating might be hard.

Vexin> I remember WD saying you two both live in eastern PA, right?

Lokien> That's pretty good given how far apart you COULD be. You should think about it. Before Mister Wonderful realizes what he's ignoring.

Squirrel_McPants> Okay, Lokien. I think I'll head to bed and think about it. :-)

Lokien> Just trying to help. :)

Squirrel_McPants> I know. Night guys.

Jim slept fitfully, waking several times in the night only to lie there wondering how Pam was. Reminding himself how he could be lying with her right now, had he the nerve to just go to her apartment tonight. Well, maybe he wouldn't have gotten quite that far, but there would have at least been the chance. During one period of wakefulness he tried to figure out just how many nights he'd wished he was with her instead of in bed alone. Or in bed with Karen. Or Katy. Or that drunken time or two with women he'd met at parties with Mark. Not his finest hour, he recalled, and cringed at the memories he'd left untouched for years. One of those regrettable times, the last time he ever hooked up with a stranger - he actually called the girl Pam as he came. Fortunately she didn't notice as she saying someone else's name too, and they quickly parted as soon as they could get dressed. He knew he wouldn't settle for anyone now until he could be with Pam. And he was determined to reach that goal sooner rather than later.

Tuesday morning Jim headed into work about an hour early. He knew he had some work he needed to catch up on, and more importantly he wanted to be there when Pam came in. He had no idea how the day would go, and first thing in the morning might be his only chance to talk to her and make plans to meet her after work. Hopefully, anyway. He hoped he hadn't scared her with his reference to their last kiss.

Eight o'clock soon came and went, and by eight-thirty a handful of people had wandered in to start the day. Dwight was the first, and he seemed only mildly surprised to see Jim.

“Wow, you really are keeping unexpected hours,” he noted with admiration. “How long have you been here - since three or four a.m.?”

“Earlier,” Jim commented. “I have paperwork sorted for months.”

“Nice,” Dwight said, sitting down. “You'll be able to leave before noon.”

When the clock hit nine o'clock and there was still so sight of Pam, Jim started to worry. She was never in later than nine, and wondered where she could be. He stood up and walked over to her desk, where the crayons he gave her last night still sat. He noticed the voice mail light blinking, and lifted up the handset to retrieve the messages. He had known the code for years, as nothing important like that ever changed. He skipped threw the sales-related messages, and heard the sound of her voice on the last one. She said she was sick, and was taking the day off. She said she was sorry for the last minute notice, and she hoped to be back in on Wednesday. Jim could feel his spirit sink as he realized that today was not going to be the day he got to talk to her.

The rest of the day loomed large and uninviting, and he thought that he might just take up Dwight's suggestion to go home at noon. He picked up Pam's new Crayola box and tucked into her bottom drawer to keep it safe until her return. He knew the periwinkle crayon was still on his desk, but he was happy to look after it until he could return it to her hand himself.

As the morning wore on, the knowledge that Pam really wasn't coming to work today slowly sunk in. It was very unusual for her to miss a day, and even if the last few months had been sparse of time shared together Jim still felt her absence acutely. Kelly had been moved to Pam's desk to answer the phones, and every time they rang Jim felt himself brace for Kelly's higher pitched voice. Sitting as close to the reception desk as he did, he was reminded that another one of Pam's attractive qualities was her voice. He found her voice soothing, a word that he could not use to describe Kelly's. It was not even ten o'clock and he had no idea how he was going to manage listening to Kelly all day.

The only good thing about Kelly's placement was that it enabled Jim to feel comfortable going back to talk to Toby. He surmised that Dwight's knowledge of the breakup had to have come from Kelly eavesdropping on Karen and Toby yesterday morning. And like whenever Kelly had a secret, the rest of the office soon had it too. Except it was no longer a secret, and Kelly would wonder how that happened.

Jim closed the door behind him and dropped down in the open chair next to Toby's desk.

"Hey, man," Toby said, closing the green binder in front of him. "How are you holding up?"

Jim shrugged. "I'm sober, if that tells you anything," he said, grinning slightly.

"Good to hear," Toby laughed softly. "It's a start."

"Have you talked to Jan yet?"

"I did actually, late yesterday. I called her at home after dinner."

"You didn't have to do that. I'm sure she didn't appreciate being bothered."

"Well she was in meetings all yesterday morning, then out with Michael for most of the rest of the work day. I know how quickly you'd like to see this sorted out, so I was just going to leave her a voice mail to call first thing today. But right after I left the message she called me back. I think she has a soft spot for you."

"Please don't say that in front of Michael," Jim replied. "I don't need another jealous boyfriend gunning for me."

Toby laughed again. "At least you still have your sense of humor."

"Do I have a choice?" Jim replied.

"I guess not," Toby shrugged. "But it'll get better, Jim."

"You're just in a good mood because Kelly is up front making my life hell." Jim teased.

"I was wondering why I could hear myself think," Toby agreed.

"So what did Jan say last night?"

"Oh yeah, right. Well off-hand she didn't know what she could do, but she promised to talk to Corporate HR today."

Jim nodded. "What did you tell her, exactly?"

"I didn't mention Pam, if that's what you are worried about," Toby said, his voice automatically lowering.

"Thanks, but I was wondering more about the potential harassment charge Karen threatened."

"No, actually I didn't mention that, and I'll tell you why," Toby paused.

"Okay," Jim said slowly. "But I thought that's why you were trying to hurry this up for me."

"I didn't mention it because when Karen came to see me yesterday, she broke down in tears when she told me you had broken up. She said she was interested in transferring as soon as she could because it was hard to stay in a town where you were the only thing she was tied to."

"Yeah, that doesn't make me feel like an asshole."

"Not your fault, Jim. It was her choice to move here. But on the good side, I got the impression that whatever she said to you over the weekend was more in the heat of the moment, and not something you should worry about."

Jim nodded. "I'll trust your judgment, Toby. I don't want her reputation spoiled either, if it can be helped."

"That's what I expected you'd say. I will let you know what Jan says just as soon as I know."

"Thanks," Jim said, standing up. "I appreciate your help." He patted Toby's shoulder absentmindedly.

"Hey, why isn't Pam in today?" Toby asked.

Jim frowned slightly. "I wish I knew."

Jim stopped in the break room on his way back to his desk. He definitely needed some caffeine. He paused in the doorway when he saw Karen in front of the snack machine. He knew he couldn't avoid her indefinitely, so he walked to the soda machine, giving her a sideways glance.

"Hey," he said as casually as he could. At the same time he silently pleaded for the machine to accept his dollar bill as fast as it could. Which meant, of course, that it kept spitting it back out.

Karen hit the buttons and a bag of Cool Ranch Doritos fell to the bottom. She pulled the bag out, and in doing so turned toward Jim. He glanced again her way as he smoothed the corners of his dollar bill.

"You doing okay?" Jim asked.

"Does it matter?" She replied, her tone sounding more tired than angry.

Jim tilted his head. "Of course it does."

She shrugged. "I wish it would have mattered more before now."

Jim didn't know what to say. He wasn't going to apologize again; he knew that wasn't what she wanted to hear, and it wouldn't change anything. He just accepted the feeling of guilt that was washing over him, and nodded wordlessly. He focused his gaze on putting his dollar in the soda machine, and thankfully this time it was accepted. By the time he punched the button for Coke (he knew it was dumb but he felt closer to Pam by buying Coke), he turned to look at Karen and found her gone.

Jim stared at his call list again, and ran his hand through his hair for the third time in the last fifteen minutes. He was distracted by Kelly's talking, by the way he could feel Karen watching him, and most of all by the absence of Pam. He kept reminding himself that she'd been complaining of a headache the night before, and so it was completely unremarkable if she was still unwell today. All the same, he couldn't help but worry that he'd done or said something yesterday that had bothered her so much that she felt she needed to stay home in order to avoid him. And after the questions Vexin had raised last night, he worried that Pam had figured out who he was; that she knew he'd been chatting with her online for days, pretending to be someone else. He dropped his call list on his desk, and decided to take a walk outside.

The sky was overcast, and he briefly wished he had grabbed his coat. So he started walking, first crossing along the front of the parking lot. When he reached the far corner, he decided to lap the building. Not a fast walk, but just enough to keep himself warm. He felt a little less stressed after his first lap, and after his second he decided he needed to call Pam. He had no idea what he was going to say, but he knew he wasn't going to get through the rest of the day without talking to her.

His car keys were in his pants' pocket, so he sat in his car to warm up and prepare himself to call Pam. The only thing he hated more than feeling nervous about calling Pam (how could things have gone so wrong that he was afraid to talk to her??) was the the fact that he felt like he had to sneak around to do it. While Toby seemed confident that Karen wasn't going to do anything retaliatory, he didn't think it was worth it to take that chance.

He heard three rings and then her familiar voice. He was briefly grateful that she hadn't changed her cell phone number.

"Hello?" She said, sounding guarded.

"Pam? It's Jim."

"Oh, hi." Her tone gave away nothing.

"I wanted to see if you were feeling okay," he began. He quickly remembered that he wouldn't know why she hadn't come into today. "I mean, since you didn't come into work today."

"Right. Yeah, I'm doing okay. I have a bad headache, and felt like I was coming down with something this morning, so I thought it was better to stay home and not infect everyone else."

"Oh," Jim replied. "Do you need anything? I could bring something by for you - medicine, food?"

"No, I'm good."

"Are you sure? I could use an excuse to get out of this office today."

"Thanks, but I'm really fine. Besides, I wouldn't want to make you sick."

"I don't mind taking the chance, Pam. Really."

She was quiet for a moment, and Jim could hear her sigh. He felt like an idiot for practically begging her to let him do something for her.

"I really just want to go and lie back down," she finally said.

Jim bit his lip. This wasn't going at all like he had hoped. "Okay then," he said. "But you will call me if you think of anything?"

"Sure."

"Pam," he said quickly, hoping to stop her from the hang up he felt certain was coming.

"Yes, Jim?"

"Have I upset you in some way? Offended you?"

"I'm just tired and not feeling well," she replied. He was aware that she hadn't answered his question, and his heart sank.

"I understand." He was aware that his voice gave away his disappointment, but he didn't particularly care by this point.

She was quiet again, so Jim said goodbye.

"Jim -" Pam said, louder than at any point previous.

"Yeah?"

"I, um, I appreciate your concern," she said. "I really do."

He smiled at the familiar sound of her gratitude. "Well you know where to find me," he replied, echoing her words from yesterday, "if you need me."

He heard the sound of a gentle chuckle and he smiled. Things were never as bad as they seemed if he knew he could make her laugh.

"I do," she finally said. "and I'm sure I'll see you tomorrow."

"I hope so," he said earnestly. "Kelly is sitting at your desk today."

She laughed a little harder. "I'm sure she's not that bad."

"Like nails on a chalkboard, Pam," he grinned. "If you aren't going to come in tomorrow, please have the courtesy to call me in the morning so I can stay home as well."

"Okay, I'll keep that in mind."

"And really, if you need anything - "

"Yes, I got that," she said. Jim thought he could hear her smile.

"Bye, Pam."

"Goodbye, Jim."

He sat in his car for nearly 10 minutes after he ended the call. He felt heartened that she didn't really seem angry with him, and then felt chagrined that he was actually happy that it meant she was home because she was really sick. He would be happy when they both would be able to look back on this time in their lives and laugh about it together. Right now it just seemed like one disaster after another.

Despite his desire to leave at noon, Jim stuck it out at work until nearly three o'clock. Toby had emailed him at eleven-thirty saying Jan was planning on talking to Karen this afternoon, and Jim wanted to know at the earliest opportunity when this whole nightmare might be coming to an end. With so much stress swirling around him, Jim found he was developing a headache as the afternoon wore on. He even made several attempts to relax by closing his eyes and rolling the periwinkle crayon slowly between his fingers. It was somewhat helpful, but he still felt completely on edge. At two-thirty he sent off a short email to Toby asking if there was any news. Toby replied fifteen minutes later.

I don't know exactly what's going to happen or when, Toby replied back, but Jan said there are two positions - one in Corporate, one in Albany - suitable for Karen. So that's something at least, right?

Jim decided a half-answer was good enough for now, and packed up to head home. He picked up the crayon that was resting along the top of his keyboard, and carefully placed it in a safe place in his desk drawer. He shook his head slightly, wondering what sort a person he was becoming if he was finding solace in a stick of colored wax. He knew at the very least he was becoming an even bigger dork than Pam had often said he was. The thought of her made him smile though, and he drove home hoping to find her well enough this evening for a longer IRC chat than yesterday's.

Jim made it home slightly quicker than usual, thanks to traveling ahead of the rush hour. He grabbed a beer and sat down in front of his laptop, dropping his bag at the side of his chair. Shrugging out of his jacket, he booted up his computer and took a long drink from his beer bottle. He was already starting to feel better.

Though his laptop was ready, Jim hesitated a moment. He wasn't sure if he should log into chat to look for her, or if he should wait a while. He considered the option of changing out of his work clothes, maybe taking a hot shower to unknot the muscles in his shoulders. Or even putting something in the oven for dinner that didn't start out frozen. But the pull was too strong; he needed to see if Pam was already around. If she wasn't, well then he'd go change and shower and eat. But right now, she came first. He wanted to be with her more than anything else.

Vexin> and really, at this point it's up to you, isn't it?

WalkingDisaster> I know, Vexin. I know.

Vexin> Well, speak of the devil. Hey Squirrel!

Squirrel_McPants> Hi Vexin. Talking about me again? ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Hey Squirrel. :-)

Vexin> Always.

Squirrel_McPants> Hello, WD - feeling better today?

WalkingDisaster> Oh yes, thanks. Sorry if I was a bit short last night. I really was not feeling good.

Squirrel_McPants> I hope you were better first thing this morning.

WalkingDisaster> Mostly. I probably could have gone into work, but I didn't.

Squirrel_McPants> No? Well, a day off never hurts now and then, I guess.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, I just felt a bit "off", you know? And things at work have been stressful, so I took a mental health day off.

Vexin> Is that what you told them?

WalkingDisaster> Oh no, I said I thought I was getting the flu.

[She couldn't even tell me the truth?]

Squirrel_McPants> Oh.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, at least you are feeling better now.

Vexin> Aren't you leaving out the part about being checked up on?

WalkingDisaster> Squirrel doesn't care about that, Vexin.

Squirrel_McPants> Care about what?

Vexin> Mr. Wonderful (the newly single Mr. Wonderful!) called to check up on WD today.

Squirrel_McPants> Really?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, he called sometime before lunch to see if I needed anything.

Vexin> Wasn't that sweet of him?

WalkingDisaster> Well, that's only because his girlfriend isn't there anymore to yank on his chain anymore.

[Why does she sound so angry that I called?]

Squirrel_McPants> So you aren't happy that he cared to check on you?

WalkingDisaster> It's not that. I was trying to explain this to Vexin before you arrived - I appreciated him calling because for a few moments he sounded like the great friend he used to be. And I guess at the same time that just made me angry that he couldn't have been that way all along since he returned. I mean, I guess I see how second place I was to him.

[God, that is SO not true.]

Vexin> I think you are being a bit harsh, WD, but I've said that more than once to you already. You still don't even know why they broke up. Is it outside the realm of possibility that it was over you?

WalkingDisaster> Oh no. Not in the least bit likely.

[I cannot wait to tell you how wrong you are!]

Vexin> Why not?

WalkingDisaster> Because if the whole Roy thing didn't break them up, whatever it was wasn't related to me.

Vexin> Hmm. I just think you aren't able to decide that without all the facts. Maybe if you would have told him to come over today you could have found out.

Vexin> Don't you agree, Squirrel? She could have had him come over today and she told him not to!

Squirrel_McPants> Well, I guess Vexin's right in that if you don't have all the facts you can't really know why they broke up. So you could have had something to do with it. But I was telling her over the weekend that she needed to talk to him anyway. Now sounds like it will be even easier.

WalkingDisaster> Easier? How?? Now I will just look like some pathetic person hoping to be chosen because there's no one else.

Vexin> I don't quite see where you are getting that...

WalkingDisaster> Oh, nevermind. Let's not talk about him anymore, okay? Let's just let the whole matter drop and maybe we'll see where the dust settles in a month or two.

[A month? Or Two?!?!]

Squirrel_McPants> Are you planning on avoiding him for a whole month, WD?

WalkingDisaster> Well, that's hardly possible since I work with him every day. I just mean I don't have it in me to get my hopes up about anything. I mean, am I so desperate that I'm happy to be the rebound girl? After everything I've gone through? No, thank you.

Vexin> Okay, honey - we'll quit bugging you about him until you change your mind. At least I will, and I'm sure Squirrel's willing to.

Squirrel_McPants> Sure.

[Damn. I did not expect her to be reacting this way to the split. Not at all.]

WalkingDisaster> Besides, there are certainly plenty of other fish in the sea.

Vexin> True, that.

[What??]

Squirrel_McPants> Hey, where's everyone else? I feel like I've scared everyone else away lately.

Vexin> Nah - it's Spring Break for a few people I know of: MairzyDoats, SaintSimon, even Leikha. And Lokien is probably up to his elbows in paperwork or grad students.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, don't take it personally. Sometimes it's really dead around here. Your first day or so was purely luck to see so many people.

Vexin> Plenty of days there's no one but me around until some point later in the evening.

Squirrel_McPants> Ah, okay.

Vexin> You weren't hoping this was some sort of ironic dating chat, were you?

Squirrel_McPants> LOL. No, not at all.

Vexin> That's good. We'd hate to disappoint you with just two women who were already spoken for.

WalkingDisaster> Well, speak for yourself, Vexin. ;-)

Vexin> LOL - Okay, I stand corrected. Feel free to chat up MissDisaster.

Squirrel_McPants> Wow. Thanks. :-D

WalkingDisaster> Yes, please feel free. ;-) You've already proven yourself to be a lovely companion and conversationalist.

Squirrel_McPants> Thanks. You do pretty well yourself.

Vexin> So what did you do on your mental health day, WD?

WalkingDisaster> Slept. Watched a movie on TV. Slept some more.

Squirrel_McPants> That sounds good to me, actually.

WalkingDisaster> Well, feel free to join me next time. ;-)

[Is she flirting with me? I mean, Squirrel McPants??]

Vexin> And what's on the agenda for tonight?

WalkingDisaster> Besides enjoying the fine company of you two? Well, I got my latest Netflix in the mail this afternoon, so I am about to start watching The Wedding Singer.

Vexin> Have you seen that before?

WalkingDisaster> Oh yes - not in a while, but when it first came out I was so obsessed with it I went to the movies like four nights in a row.

Squirrel_McPants> It is a fun movie. I generally like Adam Sandler.

Vexin> I'm not sure I've seen it.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, Vexin, you had to have. Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler - set in what, 1985?

Squirrel_McPants> Somewhere around there.

Vexin> I probably have and it's just slipping my mind.

WalkingDisaster> Do you have a copy of it, Squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> Surprisingly I do not.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, that's a shame. I was going to suggest we watch it together. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> I probably remember it well enough to enjoy your commentary, though. So please feel free to throw quotes and comments my way.

WalkingDisaster> Another online Mystery Science Theatre 3000 then?

Squirrel_McPants> Something like that. :-)

WalkingDisaster> You know what, McPants?

Squirrel_McPants> What, Disaster?

WalkingDisaster> I think we really need to meet up sometime soon and do this in person.

[What? Shit!]

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, sure. Someday.

WalkingDisaster> I mean it - it would be so cool, and you don't live that far away!

Squirrel_McPants> Do you always invite perfect strangers to your house that you've only talked to on the internet?

WalkingDisaster> No, but I figure it's not too late to start. ;-) Besides, I feel like I already know you.

[You do, but not for the reasons you think.]

Squirrel_McPants> Well, I'll leave it at a definite maybe.

Vexin> Hey listen - sorry I was quiet there. I've got some stuff to sort out with the magazine, so I'll stay logged in, but I'm probably going to be away from the screen for a while. I'll let you know when I'm back.

WalkingDisaster> Okay, Vexin.

Squirrel_McPants> Hurry back, Vexin.

WalkingDisaster> Take your time, Vex. Squirrel here will keep me entertained. ;-)

Jim's head was spinning with the way Pam had been flirting with him, and he kind of wished Vexin wasn't walking away from their conversation in case Pam turned up the innuendo. He had mixed feelings about her comments, and had absolutely no idea how to react. She couldn't seriously be trying to invite some guy she met online to her house? Could she? He'd always credited her with much more common sense than that.

The only other explanation didn't sit to well with him either. Was it possible that she knew he was Squirrel McPants and she was trying to get him to admit it?

This wasn't the first time he had regretting getting himself into this deception, but he didn't see how he could easily extricate himself now. The only happiness he was getting out of life right now was talking to her online, even if she thought he was someone else. Maybe he could just separate this whole experience into something apart from the rest of his life. Forget about telling her the truth; just be with her as Squirrel McPants now, and as soon as Karen was gone, Squirrel would disappear from IRC and he would go back to being Jim. Jim with a greater appreciation of her thoughts and feelings. That wouldn't be such a bad thing, would it? He wasn't doing this to hurt her, after all. He was doing this because he loved her. He thought that if he kept telling himself that, eventually he'd be able to talk himself into believing it.

There were periods of no conversation, so Jim moved his laptop onto the kitchen counter so he could make some dinner during the lulls. He also drank another two beers. One while he was cooking up his quick stir-fry, and then another as he ate. By the time he'd moved back to the living room, he could tell from her descriptions that the movie was nearly over.

WalkingDisaster> huh. I guess it's been longer than I thought since I last watched this.

Squirrel_McPants> Why do you say that?

WalkingDisaster> I know the last time I watched this I didn't feel like I was watching my own life.

Squirrel_McPants> In what way?

WalkingDisaster> Wow, where do I start? So many ways.

WalkingDisaster> Drew Barrymore's character has been engaged to a jerk for 4 years, and then she falls in love with Sandler, who's become her best friend at that point. And of course Sandler's in love with her, too, but afraid to say so, at least at first.

[That sounds roughly familiar, unfortunately.]

Squirrel_McPants> It probably wasn't as funny when it was happening to you, I'll bet.

WalkingDisaster> No, it sure wasn't. Maybe if I had seen this film sooner I could have made better choices.

Squirrel_McPants> Maybe. But I'm not convinced that living your life based on an Adam Sandler movie is in general a good thing to do.

WalkingDisaster> LOL! Maybe not. But she sure makes it look easy.

Squirrel_McPants> Hindsight is always 20/20. It's easy to see what you would have done then when you look at it now. You can't beat yourself up for what you didn't know at the time.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, I guess so. Can you remind me of that a few times a day?

Squirrel_McPants> Certainly. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Aww. I forgot how completely cheesy this ending is.

Squirrel_McPants> Remind me.

WalkingDisaster> She's running off to Vegas to marry her scumbag fiance and he follows her, ending up on the same plane, and sings her a song he wrote during the drive to the airport.

Squirrel_McPants> Oh that's right. And Billy Idol is on the plane, too?

WalkingDisaster> Yes - and I'm impressed with how young they made him look, given that it's supposed to be 1985.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, rebel punks age well, I hear.

WalkingDisaster> :-D

WalkingDisaster> Oh, dammit. This is so cheesy!!

Squirrel_McPants> ...and let me guess: you are crying.

WalkingDisaster> Shut up.

Squirrel_McPants> LOL. :-)

WalkingDisaster> I bet you'd be crying too. His song is so sweet.

Squirrel_McPants> Nah, I don't usually choke up over an Adam Sandler tune.

WalkingDisaster> The lyrics have got to be online. Let me find them for you.

Squirrel_McPants> I kind of remember that the song was about growing old together.

WalkingDisaster> Here it is - do you want the link or the lyrics?

Squirrel_McPants> The link will do, I'm sure. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> http://www.lyricsfreak.com/a/adam+sandler/grow+old+with+you_20003919.html

Squirrel_McPants> Thanks.

WalkingDisaster> Are you even going to look?

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah!

WalkingDisaster> I don't believe you. Tell me one line from the song. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Holy heavens, Disaster. Hold on.

WalkingDisaster> Pick your favorite line, then I'll tell you mine.

Squirrel_McPants> Okay, the line I like is "Put you to bed if you've had too much to drink"

WalkingDisaster> No way! That's my favorite line, too!

[God, Beesly, you are such a dork. Such a dork.]

Squirrel_McPants> I guess we both have good memories of drunks then.

[I remember one particular margarita-imbibing 'second-drink' drunk.]

WalkingDisaster> Most of my memories of drunken behavior I'd just as soon forget. Roy wasn't exactly a pleasant drunk to look after. :P

Squirrel_McPants> Are you a pleasant drunk?

WalkingDisaster> I am such a lightweight I hardly drink. There was one night when I had too much at a work party that I was permanently banned from the restaurant. I was a pretty boisterous drunk that night.

Squirrel_McPants> Oh really? How so?

WalkingDisaster> Oh, just lots of giggling and talking too loud. Oh, and I kissed Mr. Wonderful!

[...she remembers that??]

Squirrel_McPants> What did he say?

WalkingDisaster> Nothing, but there wasn't really much he could say/do. I had won a silly award I hadn't expected to win, and I was so excited that I just threw my arms around him and kissed him in front of everyone.

Squirrel_McPants> Maybe you need to get drunk more often. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, maybe. He was such a good kisser.

WalkingDisaster> I mean, he probably still is.

Squirrel_McPants> You probably don't do so badly yourself.

WalkingDisaster> Well, feel free to come up and find out. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> O-kay. :)

WalkingDisaster> Anyway, I guess I should get going. I've laundry to do before I go to bed. I can't hide from work tomorrow.

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, I can't believe how late it's gotten.

WalkingDisaster> Will you be around tomorrow?

Squirrel_McPants> Probably. You?

WalkingDisaster> Yes, I'll be here.

Squirrel_McPants> Good - I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow then. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Can I ask you something?

Squirrel_McPants> Sure.

WalkingDisaster> Can you send me a photo?

Squirrel_McPants> Of me?

WalkingDisaster> Yes, you. :-D

Squirrel_McPants> Um, I'm not sure I have anything in digital form.

WalkingDisaster> Oh, you must have something. I just want to know what you like.

[okay, why is my heart racing?]

Squirrel_McPants> Um, well, I'm pretty average. Brown hair, brown eyes. Pasty complexion this time of year. :-)

WalkingDisaster> How tall are you? Build?

Squirrel_McPants> I'm about 6 feet, average build. Like I said, nothing special.

WalkingDisaster> Will you at least look? I'd really love to see a photo. I'll send you one of me.

[Wow. Just. Wow.]

Squirrel_McPants> Um, okay. If you'd like.

WalkingDisaster> Don't you want to see what I look like?

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, of course I do.

WalkingDisaster> What's your email address? I can send it to you tomorrow when I get into work.

Squirrel_McPants> It's on your work computer?

WalkingDisaster> Well, one of the girls at work took it this summer, and I never downloaded it from my work email.

Squirrel_McPants> Oh. Well, my email address is squirrel.mcpants@gmail.com

[and Thank God I thought to do that last week!]

WalkingDisaster> Great. I'll email you tomorrow, and then you'll have my email to send me one of you.

Squirrel_McPants> I don't know if I have one, WD.

WalkingDisaster> But you'll look, right? You can always scan a regular photo in at Kinko's, you know.

Squirrel_McPants> Yes, I will look.

WalkingDisaster> Okay, see you tomorrow then!

Jim wandered around his apartment, tidying up and feeling a bit dazed. He had no idea how any of this was going to turn out, but part of him told him to retreat immediately. He wished he could. It was like a contact high just to talk to her. It had been too long since he felt the warmth of her personality like that, and he loved her too much to give it up. When he talked to her nothing else mattered, even though she didn't know it was him. He knew, and he knew they still had their connection.

He went to bed, telling himself that everything would work out, somehow. He fell asleep wondering where he as going to find a picture of someone who was him and yet not him, and what the photo Pam was sending would look like.

When Jim's alarm clock went off, he'd actually been up for well over an hour. He was sitting, cross-legged, on his bed with his laptop. He leaned across and turned off the alarm, and went back to critiquing the images staring back up at him. He knew he needed to find a photo of someone who matched the description he had given Pam last night. Someone not famous, not too attractive but not unattractive either, generally the same age. Believe it or not it hadn't been easy to find someone to be him. Well, to be Squirrel McPants. It had taken him ten minutes just to come up with some terms to put in the search engine. He finally found some potentially suitable photos when he searched Google Images for 'tall dorky'.

He knew he had to make a quick decision or risk being late for work. Knowing Pam would be back today made being late not an appealing option. He took another look at the faces, and ended up going with the guy posed on a hillside. Or maybe it was a mountainside - it was kind of hard to tell, except he looked too casually dressed for it to have been taken on a real hike. Maybe it was a tourist "scenic spot" and his friend or girlfriend or mother had told him to pose against the rocks so they could remember their time together. The guy was tall and on the thin side, with dark hair and an agreeable smile. Reasonably good looking, but not too much so. Not enough that she might start thinking he was a better catch than Jim. He didn't want to sound vain, but he felt pretty confident she'd pick him over this guy. At least he sincerely hoped so.

Rushing through his routine, Jim forwarded the photo to his office email, and made it out the door with breakfast in hand only ten minutes later than usual. Ten minutes late he could live with. He might still beat her to the office in that time frame. He was hoping he could get in first, and get the photo uploaded to the PhotoBucket account he'd create in Squirrel's name. Or Matt's name. Whoever. He sighed to himself as he waited for the red light to change. He was aware how totally ridiculous it was to create this entire other persona just to talk to the girl who sat less than five feet away him practically every day. It was the kind of thing he knew Pam would enjoy doing with him, say if they wanted to play a prank on Dwight. But doing it to her? No, it didn't feel quite right. But he didn't know how to stop now.

He even came up with a 'real' name for Squirrel McPants. He'd already told her his first name was Matthew, so it wouldn't be too long he knew before she'd be asking what his surname was. He decided that he'd use the maiden name of his maternal grandmother - Czerny. Practically the entire side of his mother's family had immigrated from what was now Slovakia, and settled in northeastern Pennsylvania. Gramma Lida was his favorite grandparent, and he still held onto the hope that one day he'd get to introduce Pam to her. It felt like he was throwing a little good luck into the mix by using her maiden name. There was no way Pam could know that little bit of information at this point. What Gramma Lida would make of the whole situation really wasn't worth thinking about.

He pulled into the Dunder Mifflin parking lot and sighed a second time when he saw Pam's blue Yaris already there. He pulled into an empty spot a few spaces down from her, and as he walked into the building he reminded himself to think before he spoke. He made a list of what he knew and what Squirrel knew. Make a mistake and she'd know in an instant what he'd been up to. And that was certainly not the way he wanted her to find out. He also had the problem that his monitor faced her desk. He wasn't going to be able to check his alter ego's email or upload the photo unless Pam was away from her desk. It was just too big a risk. He was anxious to see what photo she sent him, but he'd have to wait for the right opportunity.

She glanced up at him as Jim walked through the door. She smiled, almost shyly, and Jim couldn't help smiling back at her. It was just instinctive. He hung up his coat and noticing Karen was not in yet, walked straight over to the reception desk.

"Good Morning, Miss Beesly," he greeted her, resting his right arm on the counter. "Feeling better today?"

She nodded. "Yes, much better, Mr. Halpert. I wish I would have known I was going to be unwell. I could have taken my new crayons home with me to keep me busy."

He smiled slightly, simultaneously remembering last night's conversation as well as the fact that he still had possession of the periwinkle crayon. "Well, I'm sure getting some sleep was probably the best thing for you."

He walked over to his desk and sat down. He decided he'd hold on to the crayon a bit longer, see if she'd come around asking for it. He took it out of his desk drawer and set it back on the top ridge of his keyboard. He'd never have identified it as 'periwinkle' but he had to admit that he did like that color. He was about to get up and get a cup of coffee when he saw Pam walk past him and go into the kitchen. He saw this as his chance to see if she'd sent the photo yet. Logging quickly into his Gmail account, he felt his heart give a loud thump when he saw he had an email waiting. From Pam. With a little paper clip symbol. She had sent the photo.

He looked to the left of his monitor and saw her standing near the kitchen counter. His eyes never left her figure as he clicked open the email, then clicked the option to download the photo. He saved it to his desktop just as Pam walked back out of the kitchen, and minimized the Gmail window well before she'd passed his desk. He was slightly frustrated that he wouldn't have a chance to actually look at the photo until she left her desk again. He dragged her downloaded photo into his Documents folder just in case she could see his monitor that well. He then right-clicked his Gmail window closed, and got up for that coffee.

Jim had no opportunity to look at her photo until after ten, when Michael appeared and requested her assistance in his office.

"Pam, I need a woman's advice, and you are the closest thing I have," Michael said in a slightly irritated voice. "Please help me in here."

Jim turned around and gave Pam a smirk. She rolled her eyes as she stood up, and Jim had to work hard not to laugh at out loud. As soon as Michael shut the door, Jim immediately stopped working and opened up his documents folder. Double-clicking the photo icon, Jim could only stare wide-eyed at the picture that came up. It was Pam, as he most definitely had expected. But not a Pam he'd ever seen. She was dressed in a red v-necked blouse that was completely new to him. There was no doubt in his mind that he definitely would have remembered a shirt like that. It was short-sleeved and the v-neck was cut so low - well, there was clearly a lot of skin visible. A lot. It took Jim a moment to realize he'd been licking his lips the whole time he'd been staring. He minimized the window, looking quickly around to be sure no one had seen the photo.

When he felt sure no one was paying any attention to him, he uploaded the picture of Matthew Czerny to PhotoBucket. He glanced into Michael's office, and saw that Pam was still sitting down, and Michael was making wild arm movements. He guessed Michael was telling her about his latest debacle with Jan, looking for ways to make it right again. And Pam being Pam, sat patiently listening, and would probably give him some advice that would actually work. Not that Michael would give Pam the credit, of course. But she would help him anyway, because she was Pam.

He opened Gmail again, this time to finally read her short note:

Hey Squirrel/Matt,

I hope you had some luck finding a photo - I really want to see what you look like! This picture was taken at work this summer, when one of my friends demanded I model a shirt I'd purchased on-line. I liked the shirt, but so did most of the guys in the office! Needless to say I haven't had a chance to wear it since.

Hope to hear from you soon!

Pam

(WalkingDisaster!)

Wow. He could imagine the reaction she got from Kevin. Kevin wasn't exactly Mr. Subtle. And then there was Michael. Jim was sure Michael probably had some undignified comments to make about her breasts. They were certainly highlighted to their best advantage, Jim thought with a grin. But at least Jim would have known well enough to admire them secretly. Thanks guys, he thought. Now they'd ruined it for him - he doubted she'd ever wear that shirt in the office. He comforted himself with the idea that some day he'd get the chance to see her in it some night outside of the office.

He thought about what he should say to her, how much of his reaction to her photo he should admit. Then he took a deep breath and hit reply.

Hi Pam,

Thanks for the photo - you are as lovely as I expected you would be. I did find a photo of me - taken last year during summer break. I hope you aren't too disappointed. Talk to you tonight.

Squirrel

(Matt)

He copied the link from PhotoBucket under his name and hit send. When he looked into Michael's office, Pam was still seated, and Michael was still talking. He closed Gmail and brought up Pam's photo again. He had a few photos of Pam, collected over the years from various office functions. But nothing like this. Glancing back into Michael's office, Jim impetuously hit the print button, then closed the photo and quickly walked over to the printer. He put his hands into his pockets as he stood nervously guarding the printer, hoping that Pam would remain in Michael's office long enough and that no one else would come over to collect anything. He felt like he was doing something illicit, like downloading pornography. He just didn't want to have to explain what he was doing with a photo of Pam - especially not to Pam herself. As soon as the sheet came out, Jim picked it up. It was a small photo, so Jim was able to neatly fold the paper in quarters to hid the contents yet not crease the actual photo.

Jim walked past his desk and picked up his pair of scissors. He nonchalantly continued on to the men's bathroom. Once locking himself into a stall, he unfolded the paper and spent a moment looking at her photo again. He closed his eyes and shook his head slightly. She was so damn beautiful and she didn't even see it. Didn't believe it. She couldn't possibly, else she'd be a million other places than working behind a reception desk in Scranton, Pennsylvania. So for that he was grateful. But once things were put right between them, once he felt free to go to her, tell her everything, somehow win her back, once all of that was behind them he'd make it his personal mission that she understand and believe all of that. Because it was true.

He cut the small picture from the rest of the paper, balling up scrap and putting it in his pocket. He took out his wallet, and right behind his drivers license he slipped her photo. It fit with minimal folding around the edges, and as he put his wallet back into his pocket it felt good to know it was there. Now he had her face to look at whenever he needed it.

By the time Jim walked out of the bathroom, Pam was already back at her desk. Jim glanced over to Karen's desk and for the first time that morning noticed that she hadn't come in. He wondered if she was meeting with Jan or someone else at Corporate. He'd have to send Toby and email and ask. With Karen not around, Jim walked up to Pam's desk. He wanted to see if she had the photo he'd sent up on her screen.

"So what was that all about?" He asked her, grabbing a few jelly beans and jerking his head back towards Michael's office.

"What do you think?" She asked back. "Jan's birthday is like five months away and he's already stressing about what to get her."

Jim leaned on the counter, but couldn't make out what was on her screen. It didn't look like any photos though. "Did you mention that he might not even be dating her in five months time?"

She raised her eyebrows. "And be trapped in there all day? No, thank you. But you feel free to go in there and mention it to him."

He smiled, then ate another jelly bean. He was happy to find he'd scored a root beer one. "That's okay. Clearly it's your opinion he values. What did you suggest he get her?"

She smiled, and he knew immediately it was something evil. "I just suggested that she might enjoy a unique gift, like adopting a herd of goats for a poor Chilean family."

"Oh no," Jim laughed. "You did not."

She nodded. "Yep. But he was the one that thought that maybe he could adopt angora goats and they could ship the spun wool to Jan to make a sweater."

"Nice."

"Thanks, I thought so."

"Now I know what to get you for your birthday." He flashed her another smile and went back to his desk, her surprised look at his comment still clear in his mind. So far this day had been going pretty well.

Jim spent the rest of the morning catching up on paper work and making follow up sales calls. In the midst of all this actual work he copied Pam's photo onto Squirrel's PhotoBucket site so he could print it out at home. He had a frame at home in his bedroom closet that held a photo of her from a Christmas party a few years back. He'd never put it out when he moved back because of Karen, as well as the bittersweet memories it provoked. He thought it was about time he fished that frame out and put the newer picture of Pam in it. And though he knew it was kind of cheesy, he had every intention of putting the frame on his bedside table. It was just too nice a picture of her not to put it where he'd see it everyday. He couldn't remember the last time he'd been that enamored of a photo of anybody.

It wasn't until Dwight got up to go out to lunch that Jim noticed it was nearly one o'clock. He set aside his paperwork and headed toward the kitchen. He pulled his lunch out of the fridge, and walked into the break room to get a drink.

"Hey, Jim," Kelly greeted him.

"Hi, Kelly," Jim nodded. "How are things?"

Kelly sipped her Diet Coke and nodded. "Oh, you know. Pretty good. It's been a lot more fun since Ryan moved to the back room with me."

Jim thought she had said that like Ryan had gone there willingly, or like Ryan had just moved in with her. He had no real response to that, so he just nodded and put his coins in the drinks machine. He had decided it was probably better to just eat at his desk when Pam walked in with her lunch. He grabbed his Coke from the machine at sat at the table next to Kelly's. Lunching in the break room suddenly seemed like a great idea.

Pam said hello to Jim as she walked over to get her Coke, and he nodded in response. He was briefly disappointed as Pam took the chair that put her back to him, but he thought perhaps it was for the best as he would have had a hard time not staring at her.

"Did you bring it?" Kelly asked Pam.

Pam pulled a folded piece of paper out of her cardigan pocket. "Here it is," she said softly. Kelly quickly opened it up while Pam pulled her lunch out of her brown bag.

"Oh My God, Pam!" Kelly squealed. "He's so CUTE!"

Jim glanced over and saw that Kelly was holding a print out of the photo he'd sent Pam. He turned his head away from them and bit his lip. This could be an interesting conversation.

"Yeah, he's okay," Pam agreed, though with much less enthusiasm.

"Just okay? I'd say you got really lucky."

"He seems like a really nice guy, which is way more important to me than what he looks like."

Kelly waved her hand in the air as if chasing away Pam's comment. "Yeah, whatever. But how could you keep talking to him if you knew that he was really ugly or something? There's no way you'd be able to get past that."

"I don't know," Pam said thoughtfully. "I like to think I'm a little deeper than that."

"Ugh. Pam, don't waste your time on ugly boys. Who wants to kiss them?"

Pam laughed slightly. "It's hard to kiss someone through a computer anyway, Kelly. I'd have to meet him in person first."

"Oh my God, are you?? That would be SOOOO romantic if you met - just like Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan in both of those movies they did together!"

Jim thought his heart stopped. Meet? What in the hell was she thinking?

"I don't know, Kelly," Pam replied. "I haven't really thought it through yet."

"But you'd like to meet him?"

"Sure. Maybe. It would be nice to meet a good guy for a change."

"So what do you guys talk about?"

"Just normal stuff. Why?"

"Well, I told Ryan that you were chatting online with people and how I wanted to do that too and he said the only kinds of guys who chat online are freaks or perverts."

Pam nodded. "That sounds like something Ryan would say."

Kelly leaned in. "So do you guys talk about sex all the time?"

Pam was drinking her Coke at the time and nearly spit it on the table. "No!" She replied a little too loudly. "I mean, I wouldn't even know how to do that." She sounded slightly embarrassed. "Is that something else Ryan said?"

"Yeah, sort of." Kelly seemed to ponder the idea for a moment. "I don't know, I think that would be completely hot."

"Really? You think so?" Pam seemed to consider the idea as well.

"Totally," Kelly nodded. "You could be completely outrageous and sexy and still anonymous."

Jim was glad he was nearly finished with his lunch, as the idea of talking online with Pam about sex made him feel a bit knotted up inside. It was a subject they'd both been very good at avoiding, and for good reason, Jim thought. Besides, it wasn't a good idea for him to be thinking about it in the office, anyway. He was about to stand when he heard Pam's reply.

"Yeah, you're right" she said slowly, "I think that could be pretty hot too, actually."

Jim felt his legs go weak. Holy hell, he thought.

TooMuchTrouble> I really think you should do it, Simon - she'll be surprised!

SaintSimon> Surprised, sure. But will it be a GOOD surprise? I can't afford to go all the way back there and have her not be happy to see me.

MairzyDoats> But she called you, right? That means something.

SaintSimon> Yeah, a vent for her frustrations. It wasn't necessarily an invitation back.

Jim had been sitting in the chat room since shortly after seven. He knew Pam had classes for another hour or so, but was feeling so anxious that he just didn't know what else to do with his time. Kelly and Pam's conversation at lunch had completely rattled him, mostly because he was torn by what it meant. Sex talk from Kelly? That didn't seem all that unusual from her. But Pam? That normally reticent Pam had been willing to talk about such things with Jim in the room had to mean something. He didn't buy for one minute that she had forgotten he was there because her back was to him. She'd acknowledged him when she first arrived and as luck would have it they left the break room at the same time and she didn't seem bothered that he was still there. Jim had wanted to escape earlier, but her confession of an interest in cybersex had completely knocked the wind out of him and it was minutes before he felt he could actually stand and walk back to his desk.

So he went with the assumption that she had done that on purpose. She had wanted him to know about a guy she was talking to online. And that line of thinking left two options: either she knew he was masquerading as Squirrel McPants and wanted to let him know she was on to him, or she was trying to pique his jealousy by wanting him know there was a guy she'd met that she was interested in. There was a third possibility - that she really didn't care what he thought, but he couldn't believe that. He knew she cared. Just knew it. But from the other two choices he really wasn't sure which was the worst option.

MairzyDoats> Well how long had you been talking to her online before you actually met in person?

SaintSimon> About two months, I think.

MairzyDoats> And you were just friends that whole time?

SaintSimon> Mostly. You know how those things go - late Saturday night, no one else around, etc.

TooMuchTrouble> Details, Loser!

SaintSimon> No way. :P

MairzyDoats> So there was some 'friends with benefits' thing going on before you met.

SaintSimon> That's fair to say.

Squirrel_McPants> And in person?

SaintSimon> It went pretty much the same way.

Squirrel_McPants> And she's still talking to you, right?

SaintSimon> Well, she did call - hence my problem!

TooMuchTrouble> If she called you after all that, she wants to see you man.

Squirrel_McPants> I'd have to agree. You've already passed the test of meeting in person and nothing bad happening. Maybe she wants to upgrade on the 'friends' part of that arrangement.

SaintSimon> Well, I want to believe that. I really do. She's seriously awesome.

Squirrel_McPants> Why don't you email her and ask her how she'd feel about you going back out there?

TooMuchTrouble> What? Just flat out ask her what she wants? Are you nuts, McPants??

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, hell - what was I thinking? ;-)

SaintSimon> No, you're right. That's exactly what I'll do. I don't know why that didn't even seem like an option before now. I'll be back later, guys - thanks!

SaintSimon has left the room.

MairzyDoats> So are you the acting voice of reason when Lokien can't be here, Squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> LOL. Not hardly. I'd be a hell of a lot better off if I took some of my own goddamn advice.

MairzyDoats> Uh-oh. Lady troubles?

Squirrel_McPants> You could say that, yes. :-)

TooMuchTrouble> I thought you broke up with your girlfriend.

Squirrel_McPants> I did. This is someone else.

MairzyDoats> Already?? Wow.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, I've known her for a while.

TooMuchTrouble> But the whole being free now thing kind of brought her to your attention?

Squirrel_McPants> I guess I don't need to tell you this story then. ;-)

MairzyDoats> Is she in real life then?

Squirrel_McPants> No, not yet. We talk online. Been friends a while, and now I sense she might want to be a little more than that.

TooMuchTrouble> Sweet!

Squirrel_McPants> Well, I'm bad enough in face-to-face situations. I have no idea how I'd handle something in chat.

Vexin has entered the room.

MairzyDoats> Vex!

Squirrel_McPants> Hey Vexin :-)

Vexin> Hi guys - what's up?

TooMuchTrouble> Squirrel is telling us all about his cyber love life.

MairzyDoats> Apparently a chick has the hots for him online and is about to put the make on him.

Squirrel_McPants> Jesus, where do you guys get this crap??

*Vexin* Anyone we know, Squirrel? ;-)

MairzyDoats> Hey, one of us has to have a life. I guess today is your turn.

*Squirrel_McPants* I am pleading the fifth on that one.

Squirrel_McPants> Thanks! Next time give me a little more notice so I can get myself cleaned up. ;-)

*Vexin* Well I did hear a rumor that you have a fan around here.

MairzyDoats> Well you know you have to give us the details, Squirrel. It's only fair.

*Squirrel_McPants* Really? Who? :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Fair? I don't believe I've heard any interesting stories coming from any of you.

TooMuchTrouble> Well, it's been a slow week. ;-)

*Vexin* Don't pretend you don't know.

Squirrel_McPants> Nothing's going to happen. Sorry to disappoint.

TooMuchTrouble> You didn't seem so sure of that a few minutes ago.

*Squirrel_McPants* She's still after that guy from work though, right?

Squirrel_McPants> Well, I was just wondering out loud.

TooMuchTrouble> Vexin, are you the one hitting on Squirrel?

*Vexin* Maybe she wants someone more emotionally available these days. He's been pretty mercurial around her, especially lately.

MairzyDoats> Ooh! He did change his tune when you arrived, Vexin. Are you cheating on your boyfriend??

Vexin> ah, you're on to me, guys. ;-P

*Squirrel_McPants* Well, she hasn't told ME if she's interested in me.

TooMuchTrouble> I heard you are flying out to LA this weekend, Vexin.

*Vexin* Yet. Just remember that she's a really good person, okay? I feel like I've gotten to really know her, and she's been through a lot in the last year or so. That girl deserves some real happiness - and soon.

*Squirrel_McPants* I know how special she is. I don't have any intention of hurting her.

Vexin> Almost true, TMT - I thought it was this coming weekend, but actually it's next. A week from tonight I'm flying out there to go to a movie premiere with my fiance.

MairzyDoats> that sounds SOOO exciting, Vexin. It's a shame I can't make it down there to see you. :-)

*Vexin* No, I really believe you probably didn't.

*Squirrel_McPants* didn't? You mean don't.

MairzyDoats> Promise to come back with the inside Hollywood scoop?

*Vexin* Right - don't. Just appreciate the situation she's in, okay?

[There she goes with the innuendo again. I just know she knows.]

Vexin> I'll do what I can Mairzy. Right now I'll be delighted if I can make it through the night without embarrassing myself too badly. :-)

*Squirrel_McPants* Of course - she and I are just friends. Unless she says something else to me, there's no reason for me to assume anything else.

*Vexin* And if she does say she's interested in you?

TooMuchTrouble> You'll knock 'em dead, Vexin. You are quite the force to be reckoned with.

*Squirrel_McPants* I don't know what to tell you, Vex. I can assure you I have no intention of taking advantage of her.

Vexin> LOL! Thanks, TMT. I think. ;-)

*Vexin* See that you don't, Squirrel.

[What the hell was that about?]

Jim excused himself from the chat, telling them he had a few things to get done around the house and promising he'd be back later. The truth was that Vexin's comments had irritated him, and he needed a minute to think about what was going on. He wasn't sure he knew anymore. He had more than a strong suspicion that Vexin knew who he really was, and that didn't bother him nearly as much as the looming question of whether or not Vexin shared this suspicion with Pam. He thought that maybe he should just quit chatting immediately. Just let them all wonder what had happened to Squirrel McPants. But the risk that he might inadvertently hurt Pam's feelings by disappearing didn't seem worth it. He just wished he knew how much longer it was going to before Karen left Scranton. He decided it was worth a call to Toby to see if there was any change.

Toby picked up on the second ring. "Hello?" He answered, sounding tired.

"Hey, Toby. It's me, Jim."

"Hey," Toby's voice brightened. "What's up?"

"Not much. I was wondering if you'd heard anything about Karen's job plans."

"Well, kinda. I was going to tell you tomorrow, but I don't think she's decided which route to take yet. There's a sales job in Albany, and a training position in Corporate."

"Oh," Jim replied, trying not to sound too disappointed that things weren't settled yet. "Well, I know these things can take time."

"Yeah, but I do have a little bit of news you will probably think is good."

"Please, tell me. I can use some good news."

"Karen did email me late today asking if I could leave paperwork on her desk for tomorrow. She's planning on taking two weeks of personal leave. She talked to Jan about it and Jan said her last day at Scranton can be Friday."

"Wow." Jim couldn't hide the relief in his voice. "This Friday?"

Toby laughed softly. "Yeah, I thought that might make you happy."

"Well, it's just that it's a bit stressful - "

"You don't need to explain anything to me. I know what a awkward situation break-ups can be. Trust me on that."

"It's not just that. I feel guilty, I mean, for the way everything went. I know I've been the bad guy and everything. But I guess I'm just anxious to move forward. I want to start making things right, you know?"

"I hear you." Toby was silent for a minute. "I know it's been a rough time, but I am really glad you are back."

Jim smiled. "I can't believe I'm really saying this, but I think I'm finally glad to be back too."

Feeling relieved now that an end to the Karen saga seemed in sight, Jim ordered Chinese food for delivery and ran upstairs to change into his favorite ratty grey sweatpants and a dark blue t-shirt. The day has been warmer than usual so he kept his feet bare and cracked the living room windows just enough to feel the fresh air. He opened one of the last two beers he had in the fridge - a couple of Boddington's Ale that Mark had given him to try. He took a taste after filling his mug, and the dark ale quickly reminded him why he liked British beers so much. He couldn't see the other can lasting past the rest of this evening.

When his food arrived (Mu Shu Pork, spring roll and crab ragoon), he moved his laptop to the kitchen where he logged back on to the chat room to listen in while he ate. MairzyDoats had disappeared for the evening, but Lokien and Leikha had arrived in his absence. Leikha talked about and upcoming vacation and Lokien complained about a few careless grad students he had been supervising. Then finally she appeared.

WalkingDisaster has entered the room.

Lokien> ..and thus went the rest of civilization.

Vexin> LOL! Lokien you are too much!

Leikha> Hi WD!

Lokien> Hey Walking :-)

WalkingDisaster> Hi guys! Hope I haven't missed anything!

Squirrel_McPants> Hey, how was class tonight?

Vexin> Oh, you just missed Dr. Gregory House. He was in here looking for you. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Please! Like you wouldn't have kept him for yourself, Vex!

Lokien> Nope, you've missed nothing, WD. We live only for you. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Now that's more like it!!

WalkingDisaster> Class went pretty well, actually. My project's finally starting to come together.

Vexin> Great! When will we see it?

Lokien> What is it?

WalkingDisaster> It's a mixed-medium type of thing. I'm focusing on textures, mostly - but it's all around a theme color.

Leikha> Ooooh - what color?

WalkingDisaster> I was first going to use Red, but on Monday I decided to change colors.

Squirrel_McPants> To what?

WalkingDisaster> Funny you should ask, Squirrel_McPants. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Okay.

WalkingDisaster> I decided Periwinkle was a much more interested and nuanced color

Lokien> What color is Periwinkle?

Leikha> That's like a blue-purple, right

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, that's about right.

Leikha> Want to know the sad way I know that?

Vexin> Go on.

Leikha> Periwinkle is the name of the cat in Blue's Clues - and my niece cannot get enough of that show right now.

TooMuchTrouble> Hey, well at least you are learning your colors :-D

Leikha> It's a gorgeous color though, probably my favorite.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, it's somebody else's favorite color too - at least that's what I was told.

Vexin> oooh - can I have three guesses as to who that would be?

WalkingDisaster> LOL, yeah but the first two don't count!

TooMuchTrouble> huh?

Vexin> She's saying it's Mister Wonderful's favorite color.

Vexin> And how did you find that out?

WalkingDisaster> I asked him.

Lokien> Wow - conversing with the enemy! You are full of surprises!

WalkingDisaster> LOL! It was Squirrel's idea, actually.

Lokien> Squirrel? Reasoning?

Squirrel_McPants> I was telling her she needed to talk to him more. I dared her to ask him what his favorite color was.

Lokien> and the guy said PERIWINKLE? WD honey, we might need to have a talk.

WalkingDisaster> LOL! about what?

Lokien> No guy admits that PERIWINKLE is his favorite color. As you sure he's not gay?

Vexin> LOL! Well that would explain a lot!

Leikha> hahahahaha

WalkingDisaster> LOL - no, he's not gay. He didn't actually SAY his favorite color, he agreed it was periwinkle when I showed him a crayon that was the color he was trying to describe.

Lokien> That still sounds a little odd. I mean, who doesn't just say their favorite color isn't one of the classic ROYGBIV?

Vexin> I don't. Mine is aquamarine.

Lokien> And last I heard, you were a GIRL!

Vexin> Oh, Lokien - your sexism is so adorable. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Well if you must know the truth, when I asked him what his favorite color was, he responded by asking what color the dress I was wearing last May was.

Vexin> Wait - what? I can't believe you didn't START the story with that!

WalkingDisaster> So I found the color in the box of crayons he gave me Monday. And it turned out that the shade was Periwinkle.

Vexin> Wait!! He gave you a gift???

[It's about time she mentioned it!]

WalkingDisaster> Oh yeah - didn't I tell you?

Vexin> No!

Leikha> No!

TooMuchTrouble> I knew nothing of it.

Lokien> Nope.

WalkingDisaster> Oops. Sorry! It's been a crazy week, to say the least.

[I'll say.]

Squirrel_McPants> He gave you crayons?

WalkingDisaster> Yep - a big box of 150!

Vexin> Holy cow - you must have loved that!

WalkingDisaster> I did, trust me. :-)

Vexin> I think I'm starting to see a glimmer of why you are so crazy about him.

[Thank you!]

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, deep down he's really such a good guy. Even if it hasn't been so obvious lately.

Leikha> So why did he give you crayons?

WalkingDisaster> Oh, he said it was a thank you gift - I had warned him not to come in Monday until after 1pm when our boss would be gone.

Vexin> Ah. So he missed work Monday morning?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, he said he had a sinus headache or something.

Lokien> Squirrel, didn't you miss work on Monday morning from all your whiskey drinking?

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, I did, actually. Haven't touched any since.

[Yeah, thanks for bringing that up.]

Vexin> What a coincidence, wouldn't you say, Squirrel?

Squirrel_McPants> Crazy coincidence, Vexin. I'm sure every week there are quite a few people missing Monday mornings. :-)

[Go on, just put me out of my misery, Vexin, I know you want to.]

Leikha> Does your project have a title, WD?

WalkingDisaster> I'm still trying to decide. I'm torn between "Ghosts" and "Memories"

Lokien> Sounds like there's lots of gauze involved. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Some, actually. :-)

Lokien> Okay, I've got to cut it short tonight, folks. The Missus has plans for me.

Squirrel_McPants> Lokien, you're married?

Lokien> Unbelievable, huh? ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> No, I just didn't know that.

Vexin> Yep - what is it, Loki? 25 years now?

Lokien> 27, Vexin. 27 out of a life sentence with no possibility of parole.

Leikha> That's awesome, Lokien!!

Lokien> Some days it is. ;-) See you guys later!

Lokien has left the room.

As was often the case, shortly after one person decided to leave the chat, it was like the others remembered they had lives outside of the chat room. TooMuchTrouble said good night a few minutes after Lokien left, planning to go catch a movie. Then it was Leikha, who had homework to finish, but promised she'd try to come back if she got it done before she fell asleep. Even Vexin seemed unlikely to stick around much longer.

Vexin> I have been sitting in front of this computer all damned day. I think I am going to get out and go shopping.

WalkingDisaster> At this time of night?

Vexin> Do they not have 24-hour supermarkets where you are?

WalkingDisaster> Well, sure. I usually go on the weekends or right after work, though.

Vexin> And so do most people. That's why I like to go later. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Are you saying you're avoiding me? ;-)

Vexin> Not you dear, just all the other idiots.

WalkingDisaster> Ha! Oh, that sounds so much better.

Squirrel_McPants> LOL

Vexin> You guys have fun. I'll talk to you later.

Squirrel_McPants> Night, Vexin

WalkingDisaster> Bye!!!!!!

Vexin has left the room.

Squirrel_McPants> Wow. And then there were two.

WalkingDisaster> LOL - yeah, it's like a bad slasher film.

Squirrel_McPants> "bad" slasher film? You know any good ones?

WalkingDisaster> There are some that are better than others!

Squirrel_McPants> Right. I bet you don't even watch them because they scare you too much!

WalkingDisaster> Hey! That's not true - I watch them.

WalkingDisaster> Just not by myself. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, I thought so.

WalkingDisaster> It's more fun to watch them with someone else.

Squirrel_McPants> Are you the type who spends most of the film watching it from behind your hand?

WalkingDisaster> Maybe ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> LOL!!

WalkingDisaster> Are you making fun of me?

Squirrel_McPants> No....

Squirrel_McPants> Okay, maybe a little. I can just imagine how worked up you get over those silly movies.

WalkingDisaster> It's the music! If they didn't have that suspenseful music I'd be fine!

Squirrel_McPants> Yeah, blame the music.....

WalkingDisaster> Well fine. If you are going to make fun of me I might as well go where I'm wanted.

Squirrel_McPants> Hey, I didn't say you weren't wanted!

WalkingDisaster> Well maybe sometime you can come up and we'll have a slasher movie film night.

Squirrel_McPants> Sounds like fun.

WalkingDisaster> So what have you been up to?

Squirrel_McPants> Work, mostly.

WalkingDisaster> Given any more thought about coming up to see me?

[Wow. She's not beating around the bush tonight, is she?]

Squirrel_McPants> No, I hadn't thought out it, to be honest.

WalkingDisaster> I hope you didn't find my picture disappointing.

Squirrel_McPants> No, not at all. You're really beautiful. That's not a problem at all.

WalkingDisaster> I wouldn't go as far as beautiful.

Squirrel_McPants> But you are. That red-purplish color of that shirt seemed to really suit you, too.

WalkingDisaster> Thanks. I do like that shirt.

Squirrel_McPants> I've just had a lot on my mind.

WalkingDisaster> Well, I thought your photo was really nice too.

Squirrel_McPants> Thanks - I had forgotten I had some vacation pictures on disk.

WalkingDisaster> Where was it taken?

Squirrel_McPants> The photo?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah

[Shit. Who knows?]

Squirrel_McPants> Oh, that was outside of Sante Fe, New Mexico. I have some friends who live out there.

WalkingDisaster> It looks like a pretty place.

Squirrel_McPants> It is. Definitely.

WalkingDisaster> Well you really should think about coming up here. I'm sure we'd have a blast.

Squirrel_McPants> I will.

WalkingDisaster> So, are you holding up okay?

Squirrel_McPants> What do you mean?

WalkingDisaster> I mean with your girlfriend being gone, and all that.

Squirrel_McPants> Oh - yeah, I guess so. We weren't having the best of times lately anyway, so I guess the lack of fighting has been refreshing.

WalkingDisaster> True. But I bet it's a bit lonely too.

Squirrel_McPants> Some. But I'll move on to better things someday, I hope.

WalkingDisaster> Of course you will :-)

Squirrel_McPants> I'm a pretty patient person, anyway.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, me too. Sometimes too patient.

Squirrel_McPants> Really?

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, sometimes I think instead of spending much time waiting I should just reach out and take what I want. Or at least ask for it.

Squirrel_McPants> Yes, it's definitely politer to ask for it.

WalkingDisaster> You know what I mean.

Squirrel_McPants> Maybe :-)

WalkingDisaster> Isn't there anything you've waited for and waited for and then just wanted to say "to hell with it" and just take it?

Squirrel_McPants> Heh. Sure.

WalkingDisaster> Did you?

Squirrel_McPants> Sort of - but the taking it away part didn't go so well.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, I guess that's what always holds me back.

Squirrel_McPants> Are you talking about something in particular now?

WalkingDisaster> I don't know. Let's talk about something else.

Squirrel_McPants> Okay. Like what?

WalkingDisaster> Tell me about you - do you live in a house or an apartment?

Squirrel_McPants> Rented half of a duplex actually. The usual living space downstairs, two bedrooms and bathroom upstairs. You?

WalkingDisaster> One bedroom, one story apartment. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> No roommates then?

WalkingDisaster> LOL. No, not even a cat.

Squirrel_McPants> Me neither.

WalkingDisaster> I'm afraid I've gotten quite used to living alone. It's all my stuff in my own tiny space, and I can't imagine having to share that again.

Squirrel_McPants> Not for anyone?

WalkingDisaster> LOL. Well, I guess never say never. But it would have to be someone pretty special.

Squirrel_McPants> Special how?

WalkingDisaster> Oh, someone who can do the laundry, the dishes, the windows....

Squirrel_McPants> So you're looking to hook up with Alice from the Brady Bunch?

WalkingDisaster> Shut up. I just refuse to ever live with someone who expects me to do all the work around the house. I am SO done with that.

Squirrel_McPants> Well, that sounds more than fair.

WalkingDisaster> Oh sure, typical guy response!

Squirrel_McPants> What??

WalkingDisaster> A guy SAYS he'll split the housework 50/50 just to get in the door. Six months later you wonder how you became his mother!

Squirrel_McPants> Now that's not fair to judge all men just by your bad experience. Some guys actually take a little pride in their housekeeping skills, you know.

WalkingDisaster> Oh? And are you one of them?

Squirrel_McPants> Now that you mention it, yes.

WalkingDisaster> Interesting.

Squirrel_McPants> What?

WalkingDisaster> Nothing. You just get more interesting all the time, McPants.

Squirrel_McPants> I try. :-)

WalkingDisaster> So where are you sitting now?

Squirrel_McPants> At my kitchen table. I just finished dinner a little bit ago.

WalkingDisaster> What was for dinner?

Squirrel_McPants> Mu Shu Pork.

WalkingDisaster> Yum! Delivery?

Squirrel_McPants> Yes, unfortunately. I'm too lazy to cook today.

WalkingDisaster> Nothing wrong with that. I had Beef Broccoli tonight, actually. :-)

Squirrel_McPants> So you see - living with someone might mean you could have someone cooking for you.

WalkingDisaster> Same for you.

Squirrel_McPants> True enough.

WalkingDisaster> And you have space to share, what with an extra bedroom.

Squirrel_McPants> I guess. But it's been nice having my own space too.

WalkingDisaster> At least by living alone you don't have to worry about people walking in on you while you are having sex on the living room floor.

Squirrel_McPants> You mean like with a date??

WalkingDisaster> Or by yourself. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> Ha! That could be awkward.

WalkingDisaster> Though I guess if you had the right house mate the sex wouldn't start until they did walk in.

Squirrel_McPants> What is up with your tonight?!

WalkingDisaster> What do you mean?

Squirrel_McPants> Do you have sex on the brain or something?

WalkingDisaster> Maybe. ;-)

[Shit.]

Squirrel_McPants> Have you been drinking, WD?

WalkingDisaster> No, not at all. Just thinking.

Squirrel_McPants> I'm afraid to ask about what.

WalkingDisaster> Have you ever done more than just flirting online?

Squirrel_McPants> Like what?

[I don't want to know....I don't want to know]

WalkingDisaster> I don't know, really. Talk about what you like, share fantasies. That sort of thing.

Squirrel_McPants> No, I never have.

[How 'bout we stop this conversation right here, hmm? Please?]

WalkingDisaster> Wouldn't you like to?

[Like you wouldn't believe.]

Squirrel_McPants> I'm not sure that would be a great idea.

WalkingDisaster> Why not?

Squirrel_McPants> I thought you were so in love with Mr. Wonderful.

WalkingDisaster> His name is Jim.

Squirrel_McPants> Jim, then. Aren't you in love with Jim?

WalkingDisaster> Yes. But it's a little more complicated than that. Am I suppose to accept being lonely just because I love someone who doesn't want anything to do with me?

Squirrel_McPants> I thought we'd decided earlier this week that you really don't know enough about how he feels to make a statement like that?

WalkingDisaster> Even so - is it wrong that I might want to get to know someone a little better?

Squirrel_McPants> I guess that depends.

WalkingDisaster> Depends on what?

Squirrel_McPants> Depends on how committed you are to Jim.

WalkingDisaster> So I'm cheating on Jim even if I'm not with him? How does THAT work?

Squirrel_McPants> Well, maybe we just have different definitions of love. Do you want to be with him because you are lonely, or because of who he is?

WalkingDisaster> The latter, of course.

Squirrel_McPants> Well then why would you want to start something with someone else?

[Trust me, it's a BAD idea to try and distract yourself with someone else.]

WalkingDisaster> I guess I just didn't think it was expected I had to become a nun. Forgive me for finding you attractive. It's been a long time since I've found anyone nearly as interesting as you.

Squirrel_McPants> Am I more interesting than Jim?

WalkingDisaster> I hadn't really compared the two of you like that. I just like you.

Squirrel_McPants> But you love Jim, right?

WalkingDisaster> Why are you asking me this?

Squirrel_McPants> I just want to know where I stand here.

WalkingDisaster> I'm sorry I said anything. Please let's just forget it, okay?

Squirrel_McPants> Listen, you aren't going to hurt my feelings. I just can't get my head around the idea that a girl like you is trying to chat me up when there's someone else she clearly loves and she's doing nothing to win that guy.

WalkingDisaster> Maybe I'm too afraid of rejection from him.

Squirrel_McPants> That's bullshit.

WalkingDisaster> It's not.

Squirrel_McPants> Why would he reject you? He's single now and you are beautiful.

WalkingDisaster> Yeah, he's single now, and he's made no move to talk to me about anything personal. I still don't know why they even broke up.

Squirrel_McPants> And who's fault is that? You make no move whatsoever and you complain that your relationship with him is going nowhere. That's insane, WD.

WalkingDisaster> You don't understand how things are.

Squirrel_McPants> No, I think I do. You are just one of those types that think the guy always has to make the first move, no matter what.

WalkingDisaster> That's not fair. :-(

Squirrel_McPants> But it's true, isn't it? I mean maybe he's hurting over all of this, but he doesn't think he has a right to impose on you. You making the first move could open up everything.

WalkingDisaster> He's been completely unreadable since the day he came back. I used to be able to look at him and know exactly what to do. Now he runs hot and cold at a moment's notice. Why would I even think he'd want my interference?

Squirrel_McPants> Isn't this the story of your relationship? Is it worth losing what might be a good thing over expectations of 'who should go first?'

WalkingDisaster> I don't know, McPants. And I really need support, not harping.

Squirrel_McPants> Sometimes support means telling people they are being stupid.

WalkingDisaster> Wow. Thanks for the Tough Love.

Squirrel_McPants> Listen, I'm really not trying to hurt your feelings. But you are throwing away the perfect opportunity with both hands! How blind do you have to be not to see that?

WalkingDisaster> I don't know, I guess pretty blind according to you.

Squirrel_McPants> Okay, this is all I want to say and I'll shut up: if you love him, if you REALLY love him, then you need to just forget about a sense of fairness, or who goes first, or anything like that. You love him, tell him. Get over fear, or pride, or whatever's holding you back. If you aren't willing to take the biggest chance in your life, then you don't love him. End of story.

WalkingDisaster> Okay, well thanks for clearing that up.

Squirrel_McPants> You're mad at me now.

WalkingDisaster> No, I'm not.

Squirrel_McPants> *sigh* Maybe it would be best to just say good night. I'm really sorry if I hurt your feelings or made you angry. I think you're a great person, and I just don't want to see you end up more hurt. I hope you'll forgive me.

WalkingDisaster> Um, okay then. Good night.

WalkingDisaster has left the room.

Well, that went well, Jim sighed, closing the lid of his laptop. He put his dishes in the sink and grabbed the other beer from the fridge. He decided just to go upstairs to bed. He felt like he'd just spent the last half hour banging his head against a wall.

Once upstairs, he sat on his bed and drank his beer. He wasn't quite sure why he pushed her so hard when on Sunday he was willing to be the one to go to her. Maybe he'd finally made himself jealous of the man he'd created for her. Jealous of himself, for Christ's sake. He could see now that he'd been such a fool. He'd presented only the best parts of himself up until tonight, and so of course she'd responded him. She did love him, Jim, not Squirrel/Matt Whoever, but it had been so long since he'd let her see that side of him, that silly, warm side that she used to see everyday. Could he blame her for being unable to avoid wanting that and not the moody, closed-up version of himself he'd presented at nearly every turn since November?

And Squirrel? Squirrel McPants had never hurt her, only tried to support her and make her laugh. At least not until tonight. So now he was officially a jerk under two aliases. He finished off the beer quickly, throwing the can in the trash and stripping off his clothes for bed. As he laid back, he thought that it was a shame he couldn't have stopped thinking long enough to at least hear what she had wanted to do. He was too panicked at the idea that she was falling for this imagined Matt Czerny character that being turned on by the idea of her coming on to him online was the furthest thing from his mind. What was wrong with him??

But safely removed from the insanity, Jim started to wonder what sort of Pandora's Box he would have opened up had he allowed her to continue. He had to admit there was a part of him that wanted to do more than just allow her; he wanted to encourage her. It was Pam, after all. But he just couldn't get past the idea that it wasn't him she thought she was talking to. And that took away all the magic.

Jim didn't know what to expect when he walked into the office. His argument with Pam was still fresh in his mind (Squirrel's argument, he kept reminding himself), and he figured he should at least prepare for the fact that she was going to be indifferent towards him today. Cool and detached, just like nearly every day. After all, from what she had said last night, it seemed like she was waiting on him to approach her, and that wasn't going to happen. Not today or tomorrow certainly, what with Karen still near. Would he approach her over the weekend? Or sometime next week? He used to think so, but now he wasn't so sure.

In some ways, knowing she cared all this time hurt more than thinking she never did at all. How many things would have been so much easier if she had just said something from the start? Even if she still hadn't contacted him in Stamford, even if she waited a few weeks after he returned. To just have said something - anything! - in the past months, and.... And what? It was difficult to know. But he felt a little angry that she chose to say nothing at all. Jim was angry and hurt, even as he knew it was hypocritical of him to be so. But there never seemed to be a need to make sense when it came to how he and Pam related to each other. The only thing that kept him sane was the hope that somehow they could get around all this madness and make things right. So Jim was more than surprised to find Pam greet him with a truly genuine smile when he walked in.

"Good Morning, Jim," she said. She was standing, stretching over her desk while she refilled her jelly bean dispenser. Distracted by the fact that her leaning was revealing a bit more leg than he usually saw, Jim automatically stopped at the coat stand, even though he hadn't worn a coat that morning. He realized his error and shook his head quickly, heading for his desk. He could feel his cheeks flushing.

"Hey, Pam," he said, a little more gruffly than he intended. He couldn't help but see her like that and remember what could have happened last night. He sat down in his chair and told himself to get a grip. All she was guilty of was saying hello and his body was responding like she'd just thrown herself at him. His great resolve in waiting for her to confess her feelings was already turning out to be an illusion. He knew he wasn't going to last a day once Karen left Scranton.

As the morning wore on he could tell that Pam was in a good mood, because her cheerful attitude was evident even when she spoke to people like Angela. He heard her laugh while she was talking to someone on the phone, and it made him smile in spite of himself. He thought with a bit of guilt that it had been a long time since he heard her laugh like that at something he'd said. He started thinking that maybe he should take his own advice and just not worry about who came running to whom. If they loved each other, despite the hell they'd put each other through, surely that's all that mattered.

Jim walked into the kitchen for some coffee. He didn't see Karen sitting at the small table until he was practically to the coffee machine. She was sitting alone, looking down into her own cup. He wasn't sure she had even noticed him, and had no idea if he should say anything. He poured himself a cup and looked back toward her. He cleared his throat, and leaned back against the sink, crossing his left leg over his right. He looked much more relaxed than he felt, but he couldn't just walk out.

"Hey," he finally said.

She looked up. "Hey," she replied. "I suppose you heard the news?"

Jim nodded. "Toby mentioned you had a few options in the works."

She took a deep breath. "I decided to go with the corporate training."

"Oh, that's great, Karen." He was glad she's made a decision. Not just because it confirmed she was leaving, but because now he didn't have to feel guilty about how he had affected her work situation. She was going to land on her feet, at least career-wise.

"Yeah," she replied, her fingers playing with the handle of her mug. "You know how much I love the city."

"And no more sales calls?"

She finally smiled. "You got it. Finally off the hamster wheel. It's really a bit of a promotion."

"It is," he said, taking a sip of his coffee. "You deserve it."

"Thanks." They fell silent, and Jim felt a little tension returning to the room. He felt like he should say more, but thought better of it. He was about to step away from the sink when Karen spoke up again.

"So have you worked things out with Pam?" She asked. Jim noticed her eyes didn't leave the table this time.

"Uh, no. I haven't talked to Pam about anything." He took another sip of his coffee and wished it was Glenfiddich instead. This wasn't an awkward conversation in the slightest, he thought wryly. "I have been trying to respect your request."

"Yeah," Karen said softly. "I wanted to apologize for my behavior on Sunday. I said some things in anger that I shouldn't have."

"You had a right to be angry."

Karen finally stood, and walked over to Jim, placing her mug in the sink. She looked up directly into his eyes. "I do have a right to be angry, and I still am. But I understand how people can't help who they love, so I hope things work out between you. I just wish you could have kept me out of it." As she walked out of the kitchen, Jim knew that apart from official Dunder Mifflin business, he'd probably never talk to her again.

Jim refilled his coffee and thought about Karen's comments. He felt relieved to know the sexual harassment threat had never actually been anything but that, but of course annoyed that perhaps he'd avoided Pam all week for no reason. While he was walking back to his desk, Pam looked up and smiled at him. He couldn't resist smiling back, and without a second thought headed for her desk.

"Any messages for me while I was gone?" he asked, reaching for a few jelly beans.

"While you were gone?" She looked at him skeptically.

"Yeah, I was in the kitchen."

"Wait, let me check." She glanced over at the empty message organizer, and then back at Jim. "Nope, sorry. No messages."

Jim nodded, trying to look serious. "Okay, well thanks." A small smile slipped out anyway.

Her grin appeared too. "No problem. Anytime."

Jim sat back down at his desk. He'd truly forgotten how wonderful it felt to be silly with her.

It was after eleven when Jim heard Pam's voice and turned around. He was startled by the fact that she wasn't at her desk, but was walking right towards him. She leaned against the edge of his desk, and he tried not to think about the fact that it was the first time she had done that since he'd returned from Stamford. It suddenly felt very warm in the office.

"What can I do for you?" he asked, unable to meet her gaze. He knew his voice sounded a bit weird too, so he reached for his bottle of water and took a long swig. He told himself to calm down, that she's just surprised him. He shouldn't read anything into her approach, after all this was the middle of the office in the middle of the day, and he didn't need to even look her direction to know that Karen was glaring at him from her desk. He decided to just focus his eyes on his hands, folded carefully in his lap.

"I was wondering if I could get my crayon back from you - the periwinkle one? I wanted to use it over lunch."

Jim reached forward for the crayon. It was resting along the top groove of his keyboard, pointing to the left so he could read the color. Periwinkle. As he presented it to her, their hands brushed together, and he thought Pam had ever-so-slightly squeezed his fingers as she pulled the crayon away. Her smile was as benign as it was when she approached, so he told himself he was imagining things.

"Thanks," she said, walking away. He just nodded, and looked down at his hands again. He could still feel the warmth of her touch, and he forced himself to pick up the phone and make a sales call to push the feelings out of his mind.

The rumbling in Jim's stomach announced it was lunchtime without him needing to even look up at the clock. All morning he'd felt distracted, completely not in the mood to do much work, and as a result knew he was falling behind for the day. He grabbed his lunch from the fridge, planning on eating at his desk to try and get caught up. He stopped by the break room for another bottle of water, and found Pam. She was seated alone, eating her lunch and working on something in her sketchbook. The box of crayons was on the table as well, with a few different colors scattered around.

She looked up as he entered, and swept the loose crayons into their box. "There's room here if you want," she said, indicating an empty seat at her table.

Jim pulled the bottle of water out of the machine, about to remark that he was eating at his desk when he met her gaze. Then it hit him. She's making an effort to reach out, he thought. He didn't have it in him to walk away from that, not after all he'd said last night. Instead he nodded wordlessly and sat down, a faint fluttering in his stomach. It was just sharing a table over lunch, he knew, but it felt like so much more.

They ate in comfortable silence, Jim watching her alternate between various colors as she drew. He couldn't quite make out what she was drawing, but her use of different shades of green made it look a bit like a garden or park scene.

"What are you drawing?" He finally asked, his curiosity getting the better of him.

She shook her head. "Nothing really. I was reading a book on cartooning and I just wanted to try my hand at some styles."

"Can I see?" Jim couldn't resist asking.

She pushed the notebook over. "It's not really easy to get much detail with crayons, so don't worry if it looks like crap."

"Would you just shut up, and let me judge?" Jim teased.

She smiled, playing with the crayon still in her hand. "By all means. Judge away."

Jim picked the notebook up, resting it between his hands. The pages she was working on did appear to be a garden or backyard of some sort. He could make out her interpretation of cartoon trees and flowers, a wooden fence and even a bird bath. At the base of one of the trees were a two blobs of color.

"What's that?" he asked, pointing to them.

She leaned over the notebook. "Oh, those are squirrels."

"Oh," he nodded.

"Yeah, I made the trees in this one too big to be able to draw the squirrels clearly." She put her fingers between the pages, flipping the top one over. "Here's a better one."

Jim smoothed the page over and looked at the new one. He didn't know whether to be flattered or worried. On this page Pam had drawn two squirrels - one done in shades of brown, the other in shades of grey. They were facing each other, the large trunk of a tree in the background.

"You've got a thing for squirrels?" He asked, grateful that his casual tone didn't give away the fact that his heart was beating faster.

"I don't know, " she replied. "I never used to. It just seemed like a fun animal to caricature. You know, the whole bushy tail and all."

It was evident from a closer look that the brown squirrel was female, as Pam had drawn it with extravagantly long eyelashes and full pinkish lips. The grey squirrel had heavily drawn eyebrows, which Jim found disturbingly familiar. He tried very hard not to think about the implications of that.

"Nice," he finally said, handing back her notebook. "Have you named them yet?"

"No," she laughed slightly. "I was just goofing around."

"You should. They have great potential."

"Oh yeah. Disney better watch out."

Jim grinned. "They could be the new mascots for Dunder Mifflin."

She rolled her eyes, but laughed anyway. "Two squirrels?"

"Why not?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "But wouldn't it make more sense for them to be beavers? I mean we're a paper company, and beavers chew down the trees we use to make paper....."

"No, you're thinking way too literally, Pam. Marketing is about abstraction."

"I see," she replied. "Well maybe I should take these to Michael immediately and pitch the idea."

"No, better yet, let me do it," Jim said, reaching for her notebook.

Pam immediately picked up her sketch book and held it her her chest. "I don't think so," she said, starting to laugh. Jim leaned forward, trying to pull it from her, but soon he was laughing as well. He might have eventually won, but then Kelly walked in, and Jim and Pam immediately stopped wrestling over the book.

"Hey, what's up, guys?" Kelly asked in her perky pink Kelly way. She stood in front of the vending machine trying to decide what to get.

"Just eating lunch," Jim replied. Pam nodded as she flipped open a new blank page in her book.

Kelly selected some Baked Lays, then joined them at their table. "Did you guys hear who's leaving us tomorrow?"

"Yes," Jim sighed, not wanting to get into such a discussion with Kelly.

"No," Pam replied. Jim's eyes met Pam's, and he couldn't believe no one had bothered to tell her.

"Oh, right, of course you'd know, Jim," Kelly said, shushing him with a hand wave. "Karen's transferring to New York," she said directly to Pam. "I think she's going to be working with trainers."

"She's going to become a sales trainer," Jim clarified. "She'll travel to the different regions and put on seminars, things like that."

"Oh, that sounds good for her," Pam said, her voice neutral. "I hope that works out for her."

"Yeah, me too," Jim agreed.

"I wonder if Ryan would want to move to New York City. I know I would it - it's just glamorous and you see all sorts of celebrities just walking down the street!"

"You should go ask him, Kelly," Jim said, trying to sound helpful when all he wanted was the peace they'd had before Kelly arrived.

"That's a great idea," she said, standing up. "If he's interested we could start looking for open positions on the company website. Thanks, Jim!"

"No, thank you, Kelly," he said softly as she scurried out the door.

Pam giggled. "Be nice."

"I am!" He smiled. "But could you imagine working here without either of those two?"

"It would certainly be quieter."

"And would that be a bad thing?"

She met his gaze and smiled briefly. "She is my friend, you know."

"I'm your friend," he said quietly. He knew it was risk to say something so open-ended like that, but Jim felt emboldened by how well the day was going.

"You are," she finally replied, but her eyes stayed on her blank page. "So how are you doing? I mean about Karen. I know it's none of my business, but since Kelly brought it up -" She suddenly stopped talking, and Jim could see she was starting to blush.

He bumped his hand with hers to get her to look at him. She finally glanced up. "I'm okay," he replied. "I think it's for the best, actually."

"Really?" Pam's voice was even softer now, and Jim could hardly hear her, though he had to admit the sound of his heart pounding in his ears wasn't helping either.

He nodded, unsure of what to say. "It's kinda complicated."

"Of course it is," she said quickly. She sat up a little straighter and turned her attention toward putting the rest of her crayons in the box. "I'm just glad you're doing okay."

"I am," he said again. "Are you?"

"What do you mean?" Again, he watched as she focused on her art supplies instead of him.

"Well, you were kind of friends with her."

"Yeah, kind of." She paused. "It might be better if in the future you don't date anyone else from the office."

He made a surprised face. "Why?"

"Well, I just felt like sometimes she resented my friendship with you. I would go to talk to you and she'd give me these weird looks, like I was doing something wrong."

"Hmmm," Jim said. He knew exactly what she was talking about, but he wasn't in the position to tell her anything. Not yet. Instead he tried to diffuse the tension with humor. 'Well, that's an awful lot to ask of me, Pam. To be honest I was thinking about asking Meredith out....."

"Shut up. You were not." She replied. But he saw her grin and knew it had worked.

She closed her sketch book up and pulled the crayon box towards her. Jim knew lunch was about over, but he didn't want to let her go. He reached over and pulled the crayon box over to his side of the table, flipping up the lid. "Hey, you asked me what my favorite color was, but I never got to ask you what yours was."

Pam pulled the box back, and silently rummaged through the crayons. She pulled out a few green ones, reading the names of each and discarding the wrong choices. She finally set a dark green crayon in front of him. "Asparagus," she said firmly.

Jim raised his eyebrows. "Asparagus?" He replied. "You're joking, right?"

She looked at him, shaking her head. "No, I'm quite serious."

He picked up the color and scribbled with it on a corner of white napkin. "That's not terribly exciting, Beesly," he said, looking at the dark greenish shade. "I expected more from you as an artist. Something brighter, or pinker."

"Pinker? Just because I'm Kelly's friend doesn't mean I share her obsession with Pink."

"Well, something more colorful than dark green."

"Nope," she said, standing up. "It's asparagus." She picked up her notebook, her lunch trash and the crayon box, leaving him still holding the single green crayon.

"Care to tell me what makes this color so special?"

She threw her lunch in the trash. "I'll let you think about it for a while," she smiled.

Jim returned to his desk shortly afterwards, putting the asparagus crayon on his keyboard where the periwinkle one had previously rested. He spent the afternoon wondering about the significance of that color, but nothing came to him. He briefly thought she was just messing with him, but the tone of her voice when she said she was serious made him believe her. It was a bit after three o'clock when he decided to press her for more clues.

He took a handful of jelly beans and laid them out on the counter in front of him, end to end. Pam was playing Sudoku and after a quick glance his way had gone back to her game. He started to switch the jelly beans around on the counter, placing like colors together, and then placing the color schemes in the standard ROYGBIV layout.

She glanced back up at him. "Can I help you with something?"

Jim popped the reddest jelly bean in his mouth. It definitely tasted of cherry. "I need another clue on the color," he finally said.

She clicked a few numbers into place on her game board. "Are you still on that?" she asked, her eyes on the monitor.

"Well, I haven't been obsessing about it since lunch," he lied effortlessly. "I just remembered and I can't come up with anything."

She just smiled and played the game. He ate the next reddish jelly bean. Strawberry cheesecake. He had seven more candies, so he was more than happy to wait her out.

Next was buttered popcorn. He never could figure out how they did that - make something pretty much made of sugar taste like salt and butter. Maybe he didn't want to know. He started to tap his fingers on the counter, just in case she forgot he was still waiting on her answer.

She finally hit the pause button as he ate the pear jelly bean. "What?" She asked.

"I already told you: I need a clue."

"You're telling me," she giggled.

He groaned. "Fine, I walked into that one. Just tell me and I'll let you get back to work."

She thought a moment. "One of my favorite things is that color," she replied.

"That's it?"

"Yep. Now go back to work and quit bugging me."

Jim swept the rest of the jelly beans into his hand. "I'll be back if I need to."

"Uh huh," she murmured as she went back to her game.

It was time to head home and Jim still had no idea why asparagus was her favorite color. The best he could come up with the vegetable it was named after, and he had no memory of her ever expressing a fondness for it. It was such a peculiar shade of green that it ruled out so many typically green things. He finally gave up, and waited at his desk until he saw her getting ready to leave.

Jim stretched, shuffled the papers on his desk, fixed his tie, and finally stood up. He timed his departure so that he walked out the door moments after Pam, and slipped into the elevator right after her. They gave each other a brief smile, but neither said anything. He held both the elevator and the exit door, and walked a pace or two behind her as they walked to their cars. When Pam was steps from her car, Jim called out to her.

She jumped slightly and turned around. Her expression looked as if she had forgotten he was nearby. She stood by her car until he caught up with her. "Halpert?" she said in an amused tone.

"Are you going to leave me hanging all night?" He asked.

"What do you mean?"

"Asparagus."

She laughed. "Are you still thinking about that?"

"You can't just tell me I'll figure it out and then leave it at that."

"I could, actually," she grinned.

"But you won't," he said encouragingly.

"I won't?"

"No."

She smiled up at him, clearly enjoying their banter. "And why won't I?"

"Because...." Jim said slowly, trying to come up with a good reason, "Because that's just mean."

She looked down at the ground for what seemed like forever. When she looked back up at him she was no longer smiling. She didn't seem upset, but he truly couldn't read her expression. "Okay, I'll tell you," she said. She cleared her throat, and Jim noticed she was twisting the handle of her purse around her hand. "It's really not that big a deal."

"Okay," Jim nodded, not quite believing her. Her whole demeanor had just changed too suddenly.

She took a small step back, and stared directly in his eyes. "I'm looking right at my favorite color," she said. Jim furrowed his brow in confusion, and saw her shake her head in slight frustration.

"You really are that dense, aren't you?" She said, a touch of mirth in her exasperation. "Your eyes, Jim. It's the color of your eyes."

It was nearly five minutes before Jim noticed he was sitting in his own driveway and could get out of the car. It worried him that he had no recollection of the drive home, but given what happened in the parking lot he could hardly be blamed. He grabbed his bag and jacket and walked slowly into his house, replaying yet again the scene in his mind.

"You really are that dense, aren't you?" She had said. "Your eyes, Jim. It's the color of your eyes."

For one of the few times in his life, Jim stood there dumbfounded. Of all the possible reasons she had chosen the ridiculously-named "Asparagus" as her favorite color in the box, that was NOT one that had even occurred to him. And he certainly had hoped that she had chosen it because it was somehow tied to him.

"Oh, okay," was all Jim could say, nodding. "I don't think I've ever heard my eyes described as asparagus before, but I'll take your word for it."

Nice one, Jackass, he thought as soon as the words were out. He could see from the look in her eyes that whatever she might have said next died on her lips. She had just said something more revealing, more honest, than she'd ever said to him, and he'd shut down her courage with one off-the-cuff remark born from surprise. Surprise and simple nervousness.

"Well, now you know," she said, her eyes darting everywhere but his face. "I guess I'll see you tomorrow." She turned and fumbled with her keys as she approached her driver's side door.

Jim tried to salvage the situation. "Hey," he called as he took steps toward her. He rested his hand on the roof of her small car. She looked up as she opened her door. "That is a pretty cool color," he said, wishing he could just stop talking. Or at least say something that mattered.

"Yeah," she nodded, "it is." She looked up at him, as if she expected him to say something else. Or do something else.

He tapped her car, focusing more on his fingers than her. Why was this still so hard? "Okay," he finally said, stepping back. "Well, have a good night, Beesly."

"You too, Jim," she said quietly.

Jim turned and walked over to his car. When he looked back, she was already pulling out of the parking lot. He watched her disappear down the street, then got into his car. He resisted the temptation to bang his head repeatedly against the steering wheel.

Walking into his living room, Jim threw himself down on the couch, dropping his things on the floor carelessly. Frustrated, he pulled his tie off, nearly choking himself in the process, and threw that on the floor as well. He still couldn't believe what an idiot he was. All he'd wanted was for her to make the first move. Give him some proof that she was as interested in him as she had been claiming on IRC. And today, there was absolutely no doubt that she had done that. She had taken an tremendous risk for Pam, and he'd completely blown it. Her favorite color was one that reminded her of his eyes? Jesus, Halpert, he berated himself, how much more fucking obvious do you need her to be?

He definitely needed a drink. He grabbed his bottle of Glenfiddich, noticing that there was less than a quarter bottle's worth left. Enough for tonight at least, he thought. He poured himself a reasonable amount, then headed upstairs to change. Halfway up the steps he remembered his laptop was still in the kitchen, and went back for it. Hiding away in his bedroom for the rest of the night seemed like a reasonable plan to him right now.

He took a long sip from his glass and put it on his dresser. He stared at the glass as he unbuttoned his dress shirt, and thought about how that single bottle of Glenfiddich had remained virtually untouched for years. He'd received it as a Christmas present from a relative. It has traveled to Stamford and back with him, and he could count on one hand the number of times he felt like opening it, and even fewer the times he actually did. Now the green bottle was nearly empty. He tossed his shirt on the dirty clothes pile in the corner of the room, and wondered if perhaps he had more in common with Meredith than he previously believed. It was getting awfully easy to reach for that bottle to relax with the week he'd been through. Maybe he needed to find another outlet for his stress and frustration.

He laughed humorlessly as he unzipped his work pants and dropped those on floor. His pushed his laptop to the corner of his bed and stretched out on his back, flinging his socks onto the laundry pile as well. Lying on the bed in only his boxers reminded him of what he really needed to get rid of this stress and frustration. But he'd dropped the ball on that one and let her drive out of the Dunder Mifflin parking lot alone.

Still, he couldn't help but think about how different today had been. From starting the morning off catching just that little extra bit of leg as she filled the jelly bean dispenser, to her proximity when she leaned up against his desk, to the warmth of her hand as he bumped it with his in the break room, he spent most of the day feeling like sixteen-year-old reeling from his first case of puppy love. Except what he wanted most from her was far from the chance to just hold hands in the back of a movie theatre.

Maybe that would have been enough last year, a culmination of a few years of quietly pining for her, but he was well beyond that. Maybe it was his time with Karen that had opened his eyes a little bit. Maybe the flame of jealousy which arose when Pam went back to Roy, however briefly, just burned him a bit too much, reminded him of what he'd wanted for so long and never had. Whatever the reason, he appreciated her more as a woman than he ever had before. Frankly, lusted after her for the woman she was. She wasn't just Pam Beesly, the best friend he ever had, the one who had his heart completely. She was also Pam Beesly, the woman who could cause that very same heart to pound out of control with just a look and could completely turn him on just by brushing past him. So he wasn't very surprised to find that all that thinking about her had left him with a very insistent erection.

Jim put one arm behind his head and closed his eyes. He thought about their earlier scene in the parking lot as he reached down and slipped his hand into the front of his boxers. He remembered the way she had looked up at him when she'd confessed the meaning of the color's importance to her. She'd flushed just slightly, and he recalled how her lips had stayed parted just slightly after she finished talking. They seemed slightly redder than normal, but not in that shiny, lipsticky way. He moaned under the guise of a heavy sigh and shifted his hips as he stroked himself at the memory. Why was it he could see the signs of her interest now, not when it could have made a difference?

He imagined what he should have done, which was to start by pressing her up against her car and kissing her. Not a tentative kiss either, but a kiss that would brook no opposition while at the same time make it perfectly clear how much he loved and adored her. He would have pulled the purse out of her hand and dropped it on the ground, and slipped her pink raincoat off her shoulders as well. Then while he was continuing to kiss her mouth and neck, he'd push up her skirt, stepping back only long enough to undo his pants. Then right there, in the parking lot where they'd had too many unhappy conversations in the past he would fuck her, standing up with her pinned against her driver's door, not worrying that it was daylight, or that someone might walk by. It wasn't a complicated scenario. It didn't have to be. It was Pam, and it didn't take very long for that to be enough.

When Jim opened his eyes again the room was darker, and he knew he must have dozed off for a little while. He stretched and headed to the bathroom, where he washed his hands and face to wake himself up. Back in his room he changed his boxers and threw on a t-shirt and sweatpants. He had another sip of whisky and wondered what he should be doing. He thought about going downstairs to eat when he spied his laptop still on the corner of his bed. It was coming up to eight o'clock, and he wondered if Pam was already in the chat room.

For the first time all week he thought about not going online. Maybe it would make sense to stop pretending to be some other guy in her life, even if did mean getting to talk to a side of her that he just didn't see these days in person. Surely things were close to moving in the right direction - he'd already decided he was going to ask her out tomorrow. But chatting had become a hard habit to break. He compromised by running downstairs to grab a bite to eat first, but it wasn't much past eight when he finally arrived at #love_stinks. He drank another swallow of Glenfiddich when he saw Pam was already there and jumped in.

Vexin> So, yes - I have.

WalkingDisaster> Yay!!!!

Squirrel_McPants> Hello, people.

Leikha> Squirrel!!

Vexin> Hey Squirrel

WalkingDisaster> Hello, Squirrel :-)

Lokien> How's everything, McPants?

Squirrel_McPants> Good to see you regulars here. What's going on?

WalkingDisaster> Vexin's actually bought a dress!

TooMuchTrouble> And a plane ticket. That's slightly more important.

WalkingDisaster> No it's not. The dress says she's going to go out in public!

Lokien> God help us all then. ;-)

Vexin> Thanks, Loki. Your support means everything. :P

Leikha> Shoot! I just remembered I'm supposed to be somewhere in 30 min. Bye!

Squirrel_McPants> Bye Leikha!

Vexin> Bye Leiks :-)

Leikha has left the room.

WalkingDisaster> See ya, Leikha!

WalkingDisaster> Rats. Too late.

Squirrel_McPants> So you really decided to go to that Hollywood thing, Vexin?

Vexin> I did.

Vexin> And don't give me any grief because I've already talked myself out of it twice.

WalkingDisaster> You are so going, Vexin. You wouldn't let down your boy. :-)

Vexin> True. I'm such a sucker for a pretty face. And he sure has one. ;-)

Lokien> Speaking of boys, how's Mr. Wonderful, WD? You've been kinda silent on him
lately.

Lokien> And pretty other things, if I know you, Vex.

Vexin> Well, naturally. ;-)

Squirrel_McPants> Still going to work in that 'set the date' thing when you are out there?

WalkingDisaster> I'm sure I've talked about him, Lokien.

Vexin> Haven't decided. :-D

WalkingDisaster> OMG - you have!!!!

Lokien> Not much if you have. Is he still being a jerk?

Vexin> Maybe.

Squirrel_McPants> Are you planning a surprise for him?

TooMuchTrouble> Yeah, you can tell us.

WalkingDisaster> Sometimes. But he's been showing promise lately.

Vexin> Well..... I guess it's not like you can spill the secret to him....

WalkingDisaster> and you know you want to tell us. :-)

Vexin> LOL. True. :-)

Lokien> What does that mean? Promise?

Vexin> It's nothing elaborate. I just bought him a ring. I've been wearing a band since we got engaged, but he wasn't, but only because I didn't buy him one. So I got one that matched mine, and I figure when he opens the box I can say something about maybe it being time we finished up this deal.

Lokien> haha - tell him to have his agent call your agent to work out the contract on that. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Shut up, Lokien - I think it's lovely, Vex!

Squirrel_McPants> I'm sure it will mean a lot to him, Vexin - he knows how you've been anxious about it and putting it off....

Vexin> Yeah, better make it legal before a starlet dazzles him away from me with her professionally enhanced assets, if you know what I mean....

WalkingDisaster> If that's all it took, you wouldn't be with him in the first place and you know it!

MairzyDoats> Oh, I can't wait to see the photos of you in that dress! That dress looked so gorgeous! Is it dark blue or purple?

Squirrel_McPants> Is it periwinkle? I bet Walking knows. :-)

Vexin> Wow - where did you come from, Mairzy??

MairzyDoats> I've been here - I'm just trying to do some reading for class as well. But I'm so excited for you, Vexy!

WalkingDisaster> Periwinkle is a lighter shade of bluey-purple, and I know you know that, Squirrel.

[Okay, that comment doesn't make me paranoid - what does she mean by that?]

Vexin> It's a deep purple.

Lokien> Like the band? Does it have a computer chip that plays "Smoke on the Water" as you walk?

Vexin> LOL - Jesus, Loki, show your age much???

WalkingDisaster> LOL!!

TooMuchTrouble> Ha - I like that, Lokien.

Squirrel_McPants> You may have hit upon a tremendous new merchandising angle, Loki. Designer musical dresses. Nice.

Lokien> I try.

Lokien> WD - I want to hear more about Mister Wonderful. Don't leave us hanging.

SaintSimon has entered the room.

MairzyDoats> It's Simon!

TooMuchTrouble> Hey Simon - what's up?

SaintSimon> hey guys. :-)

Vexin> Hey there, SaintSimon. Nice to see you. :-)

TooMuchTrouble> Yeah, what's up with that these days, Walking?

Vexin> Good. It's time to turn the attention away from me. :-)

WalkingDisaster> Hi Simon! :-)

SaintSimon> Hey, WD :-)

[Yeah. Simon. Bleaugh.]

WalkingDisaster> Well, first off, I think we can stop calling him Mister Wonderful.

[why?]

Squirrel_McPants> Why? Is he no longer Wonderful?

WalkingDisaster> Well, no - I don't mean it in a bad way

Lokien> Is he no longer a Mister?? :-)

TooMuchTrouble> hahahaha

WalkingDisaster> LOL - not that I'm aware of, but then again I haven't inspected the packaging closely.

[please - feel free to do so anytime]

SaintSimon> LOL!!!!!

Vexin> Yet. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> Shut up, Vex. :-P

WalkingDisaster> No, I just thought we could refer to him by name now. I know the whole "Mr. Wonderful" thing started out sarcastically, and he's not a bad guy. Not really, anyway. ;-)

[Not really? I guess that's probably fair, given how badly things have been fucked up.]

Lokien> Uh-oh. It sounds like you're starting to go soft on him. That has to mean you're hiding something from us.

Vexin> Oh hush, Loki. It's not like she hasn't always been crazy about him.

TooMuchTrouble> So what's his name then?

WalkingDisaster> It's Jim.

Lokien> I think I prefer Mister Wonderful.

[yeah, I don't too feel to awkward listening to this conversation....]

TooMuchTrouble> heh

SaintSimon> So it's looking good for you, WD?

WalkingDisaster> Well, you know he broke up with his girlfriend last weekend, right?

SaintSimon> I think so, yeah.

WalkingDisaster> He's been acknowledging my presence more, so that's good.

Lokien> Yeah, hard to get laid if he doesn't know you exist.

Vexin> Loki! Get some manners, man!

SaintSimon> LOL!!!

TooMuchTrouble> LOL - well put as always, Lokien. ;-)

WalkingDisaster> So THAT'S what I've been doing wrong???

TooMuchTrouble> Ha! :-)

Lokien> So what are you going to do about it? Capitalize on the improvement, I mean.

WalkingDisaster> I have my plans. :-)