Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Second Chance 

I.

“Captain? Captain Thrace?”

Kara could hear the voice pulling her out of the corridors of her dream, but she didn’t stop running, just in case she wasn’t sleeping.

“Kara. Wake up.”

Kara’s eyes snapped open. She instantly knew where she was- no other place in the universe had the exact light and smell of Doc Cottle’s infirmary, and she’d spent more than her share of time here. She did not, however, recognize the face hovering over her. The woman was a bit older than Starbuck but somehow softer. Seeing Kara’s eyes open, the stranger moved away, with a pleased half-smile.

Kara’s suspicion hardened as she noticed that the woman was heavily pregnant. There was something about pregnant women- the way they blithely took on a responsibility that gave them so much power, so much potential to mess things up. It struck Kara as unbearably arrogant. “Who are you?” she demanded. Her voice was hoarse.

“Oh- I’m Pam. I’m a patient here, too.” Pam smiled, not immediately recognizing the hostility in Kara’s eyes. “You were thrashing around in your sleep and I was afraid you’d knock your IV out. The doctor said you needed to be re-hydrated, so I thought….” Her voice trailed off. “I’m sorry I woke you up. I’ll go back to my bed.” She started moving awkwardly away.

“Where’s everyone else?” It occurred to Kara that no one else was around, and that it was odd for another patient to be tending to her. The question brought the concerned look back into Pam’s face.

“I’m not sure,” she said. “I think something bad has happened somewhere on the ship. A voice came over the PA and said…something I didn’t catch- I was sleeping- and then everyone rushed out, grabbing supplies. They’ve been gone a long time. I mean, if anyone were hurt badly, they’d have brought them back here already, right? But they’ve been gone a really long time. I don’t know.”

Trouble on Galactica. Starbuck tried to pull herself up to get out of bed, but the room began to sway just as the stabbing pain struck behind her eyes. “Oh, my gods,” she hissed as she rested her head back on the pillows.

Pam had rushed back to her bedside. “Captain, you need to stay still. You were hurt pretty bad, I think. Everyone was really surprised…I mean, I think you were pretty lucky to make it.”

Kara wasn’t hurting too much to be sarcastic. “Yeah, that’s me. Lucky.” Her voice was soft, though, because the pain in her head made it hard to speak. The two women remained silent for a long moment, and then Pam turned again, to return to her bed.

“Wait. How long was I out?”

Pam paused and turned back. She said, “Two days. They brought you in just after I got here. I don’t really know what happened, but everyone was frantic. And then when you were OK, everyone was so happy.” She paused for a moment. “You have, um, really famous friends. The Admiral and the President came by…together. And then a really famous Pyramid player, and a Major, and the head of the labor union. It was like a red carpet event or something in here for a little while.” Pam was smiling again, trying to joke, and Kara felt some of her tension seep away into trust. It was an unsettling feeling, so she grasped at something Pam had said.

“You recognized Sam? You follow Pyramid?”

“Me? Not really. But back on Picon I was engaged to a huge sports fan. I watched more sports news than I did local or Colonial news by a long shot.”

“Did he cry? Sam, I mean.” Kara wasn’t sure why she asked; she felt her voice dripping with disdain that she didn’t entirely feel. She was surprised by Pam’s reaction. She looked quickly away from Kara and shook her head slightly, an uncomfortable smile on her face. Suddenly, the truth dawned on Kara. “Lee did, though, didn’t he?” She barked out a short laugh, as much as she could muster with the pain and exhaustion pressing against her temples. “Major Adama, I mean. Gods, he’s such a girl.” Pam nodded, clearly feeling both confused and awkward.

“They’re my husband and my…frak, I don’t even know. Betcha can’t guess which is which, though.” Kara laughed hollowly. A flicker of something unexpected lit in Pam’s soft hazel eyes. Something like empathy.

I still own nothing associated with The Office or Battlestar Galactica. No infringement or disrespect of any kind is intended. Love these shows! Love these women!

II.

In answer to Kara’s questioning look, Pam settled herself into the chair next to the hospital bed. Kara thought, fleetingly, of Sam sitting in that chair talking to her, of Lee sitting there crying. She wondered if either of them had held her hand. Probably both. Her thoughts were broken by Pam’s voice.

“I was engaged, back before the attacks. I called off the wedding a week before it was supposed to happen. A week. I just- I couldn’t marry him. A part of me was in love with someone else.” Her hand moved back up across the swollen belly, caressing the new life within.

“I didn’t tell either of them, though. Roy – my fiancé- he wouldn’t have understood. And Jim had moved away. He was too angry and too hurt to stay and watch me marry someone else. I ruined everything.” Pam’s voice was wistful. Kara wasn’t sure Pam even remembered she was there. “And then he came back. He was transferred back to our office- where we all worked. Except he brought his new girlfriend with him. It was horrible. Part of me still loved Roy- would always love Roy. But most of me was just waiting for Jim and watching him with her. It hurt so much I actually went back to Roy for a while.” Pam’s wistful tone turned darker, colored by regret. Her brow contracted slightly. “It was wrong. It hurt Roy, and it hurt Jim. He always wanted what was best for me, and he knew Roy wasn’t what was best. Ever. So he threw himself into his relationship with the new girlfriend, and even when Roy and I broke up again he seemed…determined to be happy with her.”

Kara was surprised by how interested she was in this stranger’s story.  She wondered if this Jim, who had loved Pam and wanted what was best for her, who had thrown himself into a relationship with someone else just to stop the pain of loving her…Kara wondered what he looked like. She didn’t dare ask. Instead, in a voice that sounded different from the one she usually used, she asked, “Did it ever get easier to watch him with someone else?”

Pam shook her head slightly and continued. “We worked for a paper company. All four of us- Roy, me, Jim, Karen. In the northern continent of Picon. We, um, we won an award. We had the top-performing branch in the continent for the year, so our Branch Manager and the Assistant Manager won tickets to Caprica City for a conference. Jim was the Assistant Manager, so he was going. Our boss, Michael, was…wow. Um, it’s hard to describe Michael.” Pam laughed a bit. “He was crazy, but he was a good guy. He found out his girlfriend was pregnant just before they were supposed to leave for Caprica. Like, just two or three days. He decided he didn’t want to leave Jan behind. And he was…he was a good guy. He, um, he really thought that Jim and I should be together, so he gave me his ticket. It was a secret. The top salesman in the branch really should have been the one to go, you know? But Michael was a big romantic and he…he gave me his ticket.” Pam’s voice had gotten tight, but Kara barely noticed. This story seemed to be going in a direction she hadn’t expected, and it was irritating in a way she couldn’t put her finger on.

Pam continued, “Our ship, the Persephone, is – was- a passenger liner. I mean, we both had cabins. His was aft somewhere. The trip was supposed to take two nights- no FTL between the colonies for that class of ship. The flight was part of the prize, anyway. I didn’t see Jim for the whole first day, and when I bumped into him the second day in the dining room it was really awkward. I mean, it was pretty obvious that I had basically followed him onto this space flight for a chance to stalk him and steal him from his girlfriend. Yeah, no discomfort there.” She snorted a little laugh, then took a breath as though to prepare for what came next.

“We were almost to Caprica when the Captain came on the PA…and told us that there were Cylons in orbit and we…we couldn’t go home.” Pam stopped, silent and still. Kara had never really thought about what that moment must have been like for the civilians. Starbuck had been able to fight, to fly, to act. Her fear had fueled her and made her angry and strong.

Pam was still sitting entirely still, and Kara realized that she was reliving those feelings of helplessness, of being petrified, that came from the civilians who couldn’t do anything but wait for Galactica to save them. “You OK?” she finally said, more sharply than she’d intended, just to break the silence. Pam jumped a bit.

“Yeah, sorry. Um…Yeah, so the Captain came on the PA and made the announcement, and I could hear people screaming in the hallways. I got up to go find Jim, but when I opened the door he was already there. He was in shock, I think. He looked sick- everybody looked sick for those first couple of days. Weeks, maybe.” She shook her head a bit. “ I let him in…and none of the rest of it mattered anymore. Not Karen or Roy or how much we’d hurt each other. It just didn’t matter. It’s been hard, but we’ve been together ever since.” Pam smiled down at herself and again rubbed the belly that protected her unborn child. With a soft sigh she looked up at Kara. Tears in her eyes reflected the harsh lights of the infirmary, but they didn’t spill onto her cheeks.

Kara felt betrayed. The compassion in Pam’s eyes had fooled her, making her think there was an answer to the puzzle of having a heart in too many pieces. Pam’s solution was no answer at all. Weak and sick as she was, Kara still managed to infuse coldness in her voice. “Is that supposed to be romantic? You didn’t find your way back to each other. You didn’t have to choose between the men in your life. He didn’t choose you. They died. Your fiancé and his girlfriend and every other person and thing that could have kept you apart were dead. That’s no answer. Luck and the Cylons and happily-ever-after? That’s just…frakked.”

I own nothing and profit in no way from this story.

III.

Pam’s eyes widened at Starbuck’s attack. She nodded a bit, licking her lips as she turned her head to look at the floor. To Kara’s surprise, though, Pam looked right back in her eyes and gave a half smile.

“I thought of all of that. Of course I did. That the only reason he was in my bed was because she was gone. That I was the consolation prize, the last resort. I was afraid he’d start to resent me for…for being alive when Karen was dead. Or, I thought maybe he would start to doubt how much I loved him because he’d think I was just clinging to the only person I still knew. I worried that once the trauma wore off that he’d leave me.” Pam heaved herself up out of the chair. She began to pace around the small room, rubbing her lower back.

“You know what, though? He didn’t leave”. Pam paused at the foot of Kara’s bed and rested her hands on the railing. “I caught him crying one night, and I was sure that he was crying for her. And he was- but he was crying because he felt guilty…guilty for being so glad that I was the one who had made it onto that flight with him instead of her.”

“Yeah, right. That’s easy to say when the choice is made for you.” Kara was suddenly aware that she sounded like a sulky teenager.

The look on Pam’s face reinforced the notion. She looked strong, patient…mature. She even rolled her eyes a bit before she spoke again. “The Cylons didn’t make the choice for either of us. I was only on that flight because I loved him. And even then, I wouldn’t have ever, ever taken that risk if I hadn’t been absolutely sure that part of him still loved me.”

Pam had a gentle, melodic voice, but there was steel in it now. Kara saw something in her eyes that was unfamiliar to her- total confidence in someone’s love.  “We might have gone on hurting each other for the rest of our lives. We might have let fear and pride and misunderstandings keep us apart. It’s possible. But we didn’t get together because of what happened- we had chosen each other long, long before the Cylons came.”

Just then the lights flickered and the room became dark. “Oh!” Pam said quietly.

“Pam?” The sudden plunge into blackness had taken the fight out of Kara and she felt afraid and tired in an instant. “Are you OK, Pam?”

“Yeah. Um, yeah, I’m fine.” Pam’s voice was closer now; she’d made her way back to the chair by the bed and was settling herself into it. Her breathing was heavy with tension, but Kara was instantly comforted by her presence.

To cover her shame at such weakness, Kara mustered some bravado. “The Toasters have probably scored a hit on a power center. Good thing there’s no one in surgery or something down here. Hey- don’t you need to get back to your bed or something? What are you doing in here anyway?” It had just occurred to her that she’d never seen a pregnant woman in Cottle’s infirmary before.

“I’m fine here. I don’t think I want to go stumbling around in the dark.” Pam’s voice had lost the confident edge it had had before the lights went out, but she chuckled a little anyway. “I’m pretty clumsy these days as it is.” She paused, and then began again. “I’m on Galactica because little Jimmy Jr. here is already giving his mom problems. The midwife on the Persephone was concerned ...Dr. Cottle is the best doctor in the fleet, so my husband pulled some strings. I was supposed to go home today, but I guess something…else…is going on.”

“I guess so.” Kara thought about the word Pam had used. Home. Could a spaceship on an endless flight really be home? The question made her feel hollow, and she deliberately focused on Pam’s other statement. “I’m sure the Old Man will have things under control in a little while and you can get back to the Persephone. Doc doesn’t usually do babies. Your guy must be some kind of a big shot to get you over here.”

Pam laughed. Her laughter was musical and alive in the pitch blackness. “He actually is, I guess. It’s funny to think about it. I mean, we worked for a paper company. We sold paper. I was the receptionist and he was a totally bored salesman. He was good at it- people liked him and everything- but he hated it. He just didn’t know what he wanted to do, and he…well, I mean, I was there and we were all caught up in our little drama and we both just stayed, but he really needed a challenge. The trip to Caprica was about the biggest thing either one of us ever expected to do, and it was for a paper convention.” She laughed again.

“After the attack…I mean, everybody was a mess. Obviously, right? But Jim just kinda…gained focus? He was always really creative, and good at getting people involved when he was having fun…he’s totally a people person. He started to make friends. He started organizing games and activities for the people on the ship to keep them from going stir-crazy. He ran interference with the Captain. He had great ideas for keeping things organized and running smoothly. He just… he thrived, actually. He got elected Legate of the Persephone by an almost three-to-one margin. And after…I mean, when we got back to the ship from New Caprica, he was almost unanimously re-elected.” Pam’s voice was warm with pride, but the irritation was starting to well up in Starbuck again.

Standard disclaimer- I own nothing, make no money from this, and hope no one gets too mad that I played with their toys.

IV.

“Legate? Should I call you Madam First Lady or something?”

The slight pause and the change in Pam’s tone told Kara that her sarcasm had been noted. “It’s really not that…I mean, it’s not like he’s a Quorum rep or anything. It’s local government, just keeping things going on a daily basis on the ship- taking concerns to the Captain, organizing activities, settling minor disputes. I don’t really have much to do with his job now, anyway. I’m busy with my own work. I’m an artist.”

A flash of memory- of paint and poetry and concentric circles popped into Kara’s brain. “An artist? How busy can an artist  be in the Fleet?” Kara’s life was full of drills and battles and stress-relieving debauchery. She couldn’t imagine life in the Fleet with time or resources for art.

Pam said, “I draw places. I’ve never been good at portraits, but if you describe a building to me I can draw it really well. You’d be surprised how many people want a picture of home- the house they grew up in, the house they raised their kids in, the building they worked at. Even their shacks on New Caprica. I wish I could draw people- for months after the attacks I tried. People tried to describe their husbands, their children, their parents…and I couldn’t do it for them. I didn’t have the talent, and their mental pictures were already fading…I couldn’t even draw my own parents.” Pam’s voice had gotten quieter and more guarded as she spoke. It was if someone had drawn a shade down over a light where the sunshine had been pouring in. It made the inky darkness of the room feel colder.

Kara shivered and pretended that the chill was external. “That’s awful.”

“Yeah. I mean, yes, but it’s OK. I can draw buildings, and that helps people. I always wanted to be an artist but I never had…the courage or the honesty to really do it. And maybe I still don’t, but I’m able to do something worthwhile that I love to do. It’s better than being a receptionist, that’s for sure.”

The vague sense of irritation, the feeling of betrayal and anger flooded over Kara again. The faint pounding in her head, the result of her injuries, became as forceful as a drumbeat. Still too weak to sit up, she shifted her body so she was facing the voice in the dark.

“That’s great for you, isn’t it? I mean, what the hell? You were a receptionist and he was a salesman, and you were running around in your dead-end jobs doing some will-they-or-won’t-they bullshit courting dance. And now your rivals are gone, and you’re a happily married artist with a Legate for a husband. The frakking end of the world came, and you became upwardly mobile? Everyone else is running around in a state of chronic post-traumatic stress, and you start drawing pictures to help people.

“The gods must think you’re damned special, Pam- they gave you everything you ever wanted and all it took was the extinction of the human race.”

Galactica shuddered, and with a pop the lights came back on. Both women cringed against the bright lights. Aside from the faint electric buzz that they would quickly cease to notice, there was no additional noise. After staring for a moment at the door, Pam turned back to Kara. She didn’t look angry or shocked or hurt. Her features were soft and pitying.

“Do you believe in the gods, Kara? Really believe? I do. I know I’m not any more worthy than any of the people who died- in the original attacks, or in the battles since then, or down on New Caprica. I’m no better than them. I’m no better than you.

“But I do think we’re special. You, and me, Jim, everyone in the Fleet- we are special. The gods spared us when they let most of the Colonies die. This is hell, Captain, and we’re the ones who were chosen to survive so we could live here. Day after day of terror and monotony and hopeless wandering. Why? What do you think? I’ve thought about it a lot. At first I thought we were being punished. The people who died on Picon and Caprica and the other colonies- they’re not suffering. Not like the Fleet. But then as good things happened for me and Jim, it didn’t feel like a punishment so much any more.

“And then I thought maybe we were chosen because we were the strong ones. Strong enough to endure this. But then…then there was New Caprica and I realized that even with Jim beside me I’m not that strong. Who is strong enough for this? I don’t think that anymore.”

Kara looked away and tried not to remember New Caprica. Pam’s eyes were again showing that absolute certainty and clarity. She spoke quietly, but with passion. Suddenly, with a metallic scraping, the door to the infirmary swung open. In a swirl of chaos and noise, Doc Cottle and the other medical staff carried in wounded soldiers. A nurse spared a cursory glance at the two women, nodded, and continued to work on the more urgently wounded.

Her attention drawn by the motion and sound, Kara was startled to hear Pam’s voice close to her ear. “This life…It’s not a punishment, it’s not a reward, it’s not a test. I think it is simpler than that. It’s just…a gift.” Kara turned to Pam, who was smiling a gorgeous, glowing smile. Her hand was again caressing the swell of her stomach.

“The gods chose us to live, Kara, because we’re the ones who needed a second chance.”