Kama Sutra - Scranton Style by Muggins

Summary:

5 chapters tell 50 Ways that Pam seduces Jim.

Categories: Jim and Pam Characters: Jim/Pam
Genres: Fluff
Warnings: Moderate sexual content
Challenges: None
Series: None
Chapters: 5 Completed: Yes Word count: 4786 Read: 22389 Published: April 20, 2007 Updated: April 28, 2007

Story Notes:

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

1. Chapter 1 - Before Jim and Karen Break Up by Muggins

2. Chapter 2 - Mid Breakup by Muggins

3. Chapter 3 - The week after the break-up by Muggins

4. Chapter 4 - First week of dating by Muggins

5. Chapter 5 - The month before he proposes by Muggins

Chapter 1 - Before Jim and Karen Break Up by Muggins

At 5:03, the elevator is crowded. Pam leans across Jim in order to take a magazine that Phyllis offers her. In doing so, her arm rubs across his chest. She can’t resist stroking him with the magazine as she leans back. She is satisfied at the shiver of pleasure he gives.
In the break room at lunch, Pam seats herself in Jim’s line of vision and then proceeds to check her panty hose for rips. She’s extremely concerned about her upper thigh, she’s positive she felt something tear there earlier. She sticks her tongue out slightly in concentration.
While Jim is on a sales call on the phone, Pam strategically leans across Dwight’s desk to hand him a post-it note saying Phyllis needs him to sign a form. The top three buttons of her shirt have become mysteriously unbuttoned. Jim loses his train of thought and doesn’t make the sale. He’s okay with that.
Michael calls Jim into his office to discuss the next morale-building event. Pam takes notes so Jim sits beside her. As Michael drones on, Pam begins a complex signaling system. When she rubs Jim’s foot with her foot it means, “Say yes”. When she brushes her hair back and trails her fingers down her neck it means “Say no”. Jim’s not sure what the ‘trails her pencil along the inside of his thigh’ means, but he’s willing to wait for further instructions. He’s almost growling his “yes” and “no” answers by the end.
Jim watches Pam and Karen giggling in the Conference Room over the scrapbook Michael is making them put together about “Scranton’s Happy Family”. Whenever Karen puts her head down to place a photo in the album, Pam looks hungrily at Karen, licks her lips, and then looks up at Jim. Several times, while holding Jim’s gaze, she “accidentally” touches Karen. He has an entire conversation with Dwight and later can not recall a single thing said.
In the Conference Room, Michael is giving a speech on Truth in Advertising and why no one should buy Bird’s Eye Peas (don’t ask). Jim and Karen are sitting directly behind Pam. Karen thinks Jim is completely entranced by Michael’s insanity but, in fact, he is bewitched by Pam’s slow, sensual stroking of her earlobe. On the way home from work, he stops to buy five bags of frozen Bird’s Eye Peas. He can’t explain his unnatural craving.
When he calls in sick one day, Pam asks him all the right questions. “Where does it hurt?” “You’re going to be a good boy and stay in bed all day, aren’t you?” “Would you like me to come bring you juice... or anything?” “Would you like me to tell Karen so you don’t have to make another phone call?” “You’ll call me if you feel worse…or if you get bored, right?” He calls her six times that day. She is very good at doing dialogue for Soap Operas without seeing what’s going on. Almost all her dialogue involves premarital sex. He watches every Soap Opera he can find.
They run into each other at the movie theater. He’s on a date with Karen. He sits between them holding a big bucket of popcorn. Several times Pam misses the bucket when she’s grabbing for a handful. Each time she murmurs a little, “Oh.” Jim realizes that the letter “O” is one of the most pleasing sounds in the universe.
Ryan celebrates his first sale (to his uncle’s business) by buying an XBox and having a party. Pam leaves early when she sees that all he has are first-person shooter games. Jim follows her after making sure Karen is completely wrapped up in the game. Playful chatting on Ryan’s lawn leads to Pam lightly stroking Jim’s chest while they’re leaning against Ryan’s car. She apologizes. He apologizes. After she leaves, he doesn’t go back in until Karen comes looking for him.
Somehow, he’s not sure how, Jim and Pam get into a ‘That’s What She Said’ game in the kitchen. The moment at which he bolts into the men’s room is when she strokes her green teapot and with a sidelong glance at him says “Mmmm, it’s all full and warm.” She whistles as she returns to her desk.

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Chapter 2 - Mid Breakup by Muggins

Pam finds Jim in the break room nursing a cup of coffee. She asks with concern, “What’s up?” He tells her he’s had another fight with Karen. She nods her head and puts a sympathetic hand on his. Lightly squeezing his hand, she says “Karen doesn’t know how lucky she is. All these fights…” Her voice trails off as her thumb rubs the back of his. His coffee grows cold.
At reception, Pam watches Karen glaring at Jim. She sends an email to Jim – I know this might sound naughty but I just thought of the greatest prank to do against Andy and Dwight. Are you in?
Michael calls Jim into his office for a discussion. After twenty minutes, Pam comes in and says “Michael, can I borrow Jim for a second? I need someone tall to help me and Dwight’s busy.” As he’s helping her put up streamers, Jim says “Tall. Is that the best you’ve got?” She smiles as she hands him more tape, “I save my best lines for unattached men.” The tape sticks to both of their fingers for a brief moment.
As she heads out for the day, Pam sees them arguing by Karen’s SUV. In a huff, Karen gets in her car and drives away. Pam goes over to a downcast Jim and, fingering his jacket sleeve, she whispers, “Hey. I can’t tell you how many times I argued with Roy in this parking lot. I think it has something to do with the asphalt. It gives off uh….” Jim looks down at the offending asphalt before finishing her sentence for her, “bad juju?” Pam covers her mouth so he can’t see her giggling, “Yes, I believe that IS the scientific term.”
That night Jim calls her “just to talk”. They talk about nothing in particular for two hours. She starts calling him James because he thinks it’s egregious that she’s never seen a James Bond movie. She defends herself - at least she knows how to say ‘James’ in a sexy voice like all the Bond girls. She threatens to never call him Jim again. As he’s falling asleep, he’s trying to decide if being called James is really such a bad thing. Especially sexy Bond girl ‘James’.
Over the weekend, he has several ‘discussions’ with Karen as they take long, winding drives to nowhere. During the course of one discussion, Karen asks why they keep driving down this one street. He says he didn’t notice they were. The Magic Spray Car Wash is located on that street. Pam washes her car there every Sunday. She’s acts like she doesn’t see him drive by five times; secretly she’s glad she wore her tightest t-shirt.
Death glares continue from Karen and Jim’s head is now constantly looking in Creed’s direction. Pam decides this is a good time to organize the filing cabinet behind Dwight’s desk. Bent over the lowest drawer, she wipes the sweat off her hands on the back of her skirt several times. She smiles to herself when his phone rings and he doesn’t answer... until Dwight says, “Earth to Jim, answer your phone.”
As she’s about to press the button for a Coke on the vending machine, she hears the door open. Glancing over, she sees Jim. Her hand ‘accidentally’ moves over and presses the Grape Soda button. “Oops,” she says as she picks up the can. “I really wanted a Coke, uh, would you drink this for me? Pretty please?”
He drinks it.
As he’s drinking the Grape Soda, she fingers the necklace around her neck and says, “You never told me why you broke up with Katy. You seemed to have so much in common… purses, cheerleading, Michael stalking you…” Jim laughs and shrugs his shoulders. “Yeah, um, I couldn’t handle…her obsession with Legally Blonde.” Pam nods and in her most serious voice says, “Yeah, I dumped my first boyfriend for the same reason.”
When Pam answers the phone and it’s a strange man asking for Karen Filippelli on a non-business matter, Pam looks over at Jim. She decides to send him an email - Hey James, let’s play Would You Rather. “Would you rather come to work naked or have Dwight come to work naked?”

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Chapter 3 - The week after the break-up by Muggins

Pam leans against the office fridge, “Sorry to hear about…”
Jim cuts her off, “We just didn’t have enough in common.”
She nods and fingers the bottom of her cardigan, “Yeah. That’s a deal breaker for me, too. I can’t tell you how many successful, famous, rich guys I’ve dumped.”
Jim smiles as he pours himself a cup of coffee, “Maybe I should hook up with them, they, uh, sound like my kind of guys.”
Pam’s eyes narrow, “Uh…two week rule, right? No hook-ups for two weeks.”
“You’re making that up,” Jim laughs.
“Try me,” Pam challenges. He wants to…very, very badly.
Pam’s refilling the copier with paper. Jim leans back and puts his arms behind his head. He can feel the pressure of the chair biting into her. She doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t straighten up. Neither does she.
As he’s picking up a fax he notices she’s playing Sudoku.
“20 minutes, Beesly? Please say that’s not on moderate,” he leans over her shoulder to look at the screen.
“I had to pause to answer the phone, got out of the groove,” she gives him a sideways glance before turning back to the game.
He grins, “Huh, I’ve gotten it down to 15. Suck on that.”
“I plan on it,” she replies without looking at him.
He has trouble making it back to his desk.
He’s been waiting in his car until she pulls in. As she’s getting out, he casually walks up. He speaks in an undertone as he holds her door for her, “Got an idea for Dwight. You up to it?”
She stands more quickly than he expected and they’re closer than is deemed acceptable for co-workers. “And what do I get if I help you?” The rising sun makes her hair glow.
“Uh, what do you want?” He wipes his sweaty palms on his pants.
She looks down at his hands and then up into his shining eyes, “Tootsie pops.”
Dwight’s in the bathroom trying to remove the dye from his tongue. In the stairwell, Jim and Pam are laughing.
“Who would eat that?” Pam gasps.
“Dwight,” Jim answers as he wipes tears from his eyes.
“I wonder what it would be like to kiss someone with a green tongue,” Pam muses.
Jim sobers up, “Stop. You are not kissing Dwight!”
Pam rubs her finger slowly back and forth along her lower lip as if considering. Eventually she crosses her arms and bows her head like Jeannie, “Whatever my master commands…”
Jim absentmindedly rubs his lower lip for the rest of the day.
“Hey, it’s Jim.” He’s finally worked up the nerve to call her. He even played Guns N’ Roses beforehand because, well, Dwight got Angela, so there must be something in it.
“Hey, what’s up?” She asks.
“Yeah, I know it’s just been a week. So this isn’t a date or anything. This is like, uh, you’d just be helping me out. Um…I made reservations at The Woodlands a couple of weeks ago and I forgot to call and cancel. I was…” He’s trying to play it cool, like he didn’t make the reservations five days ago.
“Sounds great. Tonight? I’ll be there in five minutes,” she says.
Jim can barely control his eagerness, “Ok. Great. Yes! The reservation’s for 7:30.”
“Oh good! That means I don’t have to go naked. I’ll dress and see you in 20.”
He doesn’t set down the phone. It’s difficult putting on a blazer when you’ve got a phone in your hand. He manages to do it anyway.
As he’s looking at the bill, she says “You know what Stanley told me?”
“No,” he whispers. He’s already made three trips to the bathroom to run cold water over his neck. He’s thinking of writing his congressman that romantic restaurants should have cold showers available on demand. There should be a law.
“He said if a girl orders the most expensive thing on the menu, she’ll have to put out.” Jim’s eyes slowly lift from the bill to look into hers.
“The car’s this way,” he tries to gently steer her in the right direction. ‘Gently’ ‘like a fragile flower’ He thinks in these terms to keep himself from ripping her clothes off like a madman.
She points, “But look at the path over there, I wonder where it goes…oh, there’s a bench!” She grips his arm as if a bench is the most exciting thing ever. He follows her.
She’s kissing his neck and he doesn’t want this to end. He can smell flowers and he doesn’t know what they’re called but he loves them and he’s going to get her bouquets and bouquets of them. And he loves crickets. He didn’t think he did, but he does.. And he loves her hands, her fingers, her hair against his face, the way she’s murmuring indistinctly against his throat, and he never wants this to end.
He’s tracing the tip of her ear while she’s leaning into him and she says, “This is nice. Are your real dates this nice?” Orion’s belt looks kind of blurry.

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Chapter 4 - First week of dating by Muggins

Jim’s favorite spot to stand is leaning against the windowsill in Michael’s office.
It was a game she’d made up. ‘How can he get to the windowsill without Michael suspecting.’
So far, day four of the game and…Jim’s checked if he’s left the windows down on his car. Examined the weather. Heard a car wreck Seen a strange bird. Suggested replacing the blinds. And now, “Do you want me to call the window cleaners? These are filthy…”
He looks out of the window for a moment to savor the anticipation. Then he turns.
She gives him that look.
His toes curl.
They’re eating lunch on the patio at Taco Bandido. It’s hot and her hair is plastered to her face. He keeps putting more ice cubes in her lemonade. She lazily holds out her glass again and says, “More, James, I want more.” she pauses, “I need more.” Mentally, he lists ‘ice cubes’ on his list of things always to keep in stock. Always.
As she’s coming out of the supply closet with ink for her printer, he looks up from reading the newspaper. “Hey,” he says carefully, “Uh…it’s been two weeks and um...”
She closes the supply door before speaking, “Has it? Hmm, that reminds me. Are you busy after work? I was thinking of going to feed the ducks.”
“Absolutely, I do it every day. My apartment doesn’t allow pets,” it’s like he had the explanation ready and waiting.
She leans against the main office’s door. “Wow. Strict. Really, no petting allowed? Hmm..I guess we can go to my place instead.”
As the blinds sway on the office door, he imagines her in a soft, fuzzy sweater.
He’s holding her hand when a passing elderly woman smiles at them. He smiles back and says, “Good evening, ma’am.”
Pam waits until the woman is well past before she giggles and says, “I should get you a bowler hat so you can tip it at all the passing ladies.”
“Only the pretty ones,” he says.
She tugs the bottom of his t-shirt and whispers, “Uh uh, only the ugly ones.”
“Oooh, jealous?” he leans down to rub noses.
“Yes,” she whispers as she kisses him with open lips.
“Dunder Miff… oh..uh,” He can hear her smiling at her mistake.
“Hey, no talking about work outside of work, deal?” He looks at the TV. He realizes he hasn’t watched it in three days. Days. He’s been dating her for three days.
She laughs, “Oh, now if I could just not talk about work at work!”
He rubs his cheek where she last kissed him, “Speaking of which, want to play hooky tomorrow? Adams is playing Whittier in a pivotal deathmatch.”
“Go Adams! Take down the…do grade schools even have mascots?” she asks curiously.
Quickly, he replies, “Only way to find out is to go. And I’m telling you…Whittier is a serious contender for the 4-Square Championships.”
There’s a pause as if she’s considering, “Is that how my little Jim learned all his moves? On the 4-Square court at Whittier?”
He thinks maybe he should just sell the TV.
They’re eating hoagies on the bleachers across the street from Whittier Grade School.
“Amazing arm on that kid,” he says.
She leans forward, squinting in the sun. “Yeah, we should sign him up. I think he’s ready for the pros.”
He can’t help laughing. He drops his hoagie back in the bag so he can put his arm back around her waist. She leans into him and says, “Definite potential there. Definitely.”
He smiles and brushes kisses in her hair.
Jim turns expectantly and greets each person as they arrive. He comes to work early now. He likes seeing her in the morning. She is not a morning person. Her eyes look bleary, her mouth is pouty and she snaps at anyone who does anything wrong. He likes watching her over the course of an hour wake up, becoming sweeter, kinder, gentler.
Now is when to ask her the questions that want blunt answers.
“Morning,” he speaks low. She hates loud noises in the mornings.
“Mmm hmm,” she continues booting up her computer.
“Quick question.” He looks at his fingernails but can see her expression from the corner of his eye. “Do you like me more than anyone you’ve ever dated?”
She crosses her eyes. “Yes, now leave me alone.”
He does. He waits an hour before whistling. She hates whistling in the morning.
Michael is showing a video he made telling about the new comp plan from Corporate with the help of the band Augustana. “Think I’ll go to Boston, think I’ll use my vouchers….”
Pam looks up at Jim with sad eyes and whispers, “Oh. I liked that song.”
Jim covers his mouth with his hand so Michael doesn’t see him grinning.
That night he kisses her while the song plays over and over on a CD he made for her.
“Better?” he asks as he hits the replay button.
She pulls him back down and says, “Uh uh. Still hurts.”
He’s talking on the phone to his mom when he sees her pull up in front of his apartment..
“Gotta go, Mom, love you!” He’s running for the door but sees her pull out and drive back down the street. He stops and clutches the door knob.
He’s still standing there perplexed when the phone rings. Tentatively, he answers it, “Hello?”
“Hey,” she says, “My Mom said it was bad manners to drop by unannounced. I might be in the neighborhood…”
He’s grinning so hard he can barely speak, “Uh yeah, stop by. The place is a mess.”
“Is your couch clear?”
It is by the time she rings the doorbell.
She’s lying on top of him and definitely at a disadvantage. He doesn’t make it any easier by trying to untuck her shirt the whole time. She’s whispering curses into his ear and he’s laughing in hers. When she finally pulls his wallet out of his back pocket, she’s out of breath. She rolls off him and starts going through the contents.
“Hey, hey, hey now,” he says warningly. He’s about to sit up but he keeps seeing flashes of her skin from this vantage point. He decides to just stay where he is.
“What’s this?” she pulls a condom out of his secret compartment.
“Uh…” he says, feeling the blush creep across his face.
She turns it in her hand to see all sides, “Interesting. Do you? Know how to use it?” She looks at him dubiously.
He shakes his head half ‘yes’ and half ‘no’. He shrugs.
She smiles, “Class in session. There will be homework.”

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Chapter 5 - The month before he proposes by Muggins

Jim leans against reception, his hands slightly covering his mouth so only she can hear what he says, “Angela gave me a dirty look just now…did I do something?”
“Don’t worry about it,” Pam rummages through her desk drawer for replacement staples, “she’s just mad she lost the first round of PamPong.”
Jim looks intrigued, “Pam Pong? Can I play?”
She looks him over and says, “You already are. That’s why I’m winning. And I give out very good prizes.”
He remembers what he ‘won’ when he got her that stuffed teddy bear at the County Fair for shooting hoops.
He’s glad he’s holding on to the desk because otherwise he’s pretty sure his knees will buckle.
“Mom,” Pam rushes across the lobby to hug the red-haired woman. Even as she’s hugging her, Pam is pulling the well-dressed woman back towards Jim.
“Careful, careful,” he lends a stabling hand to Mrs. Beesly.
“Mom, this is Jim. Jim, this is my Mom,” Pam is hanging on to both of them, looking back and forth.
“Mrs. Beesly,” Jim shakes her hand, “I’ve heard so much about you. And I have so many questions about your daughter.”
“Oh, well, Jim, it’s so nice to meet you, Pam talks about you all the time.” Mrs. Beesly smiles warmly.
Pam looks outraged, “I do not. Not all the time. She’s… I don’t…. stop grinning like that!”
“Let’s go find our seats, ladies,” trying not to grin, Jim propels the women towards the theatre doors. “So first question, Mrs. Beesly. When Pam was little did she have any embarrassing adventures?”
Pam shakes her head fiercely, “Don’t tell him, Mom. Don’t! I’m warning you!”
Mrs. Beesly looks at them askance, “Now why would Jim be interested in the time you ran around naked as a jaybird during your ‘Bumblebee’ recital?”
“Mom! Oh my god,” a blushing Pam ducks behind her Mom so Jim can’t see her.
Holding the door open for them, he laughs “Mrs. Beesly, I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship.”
She’s sitting on his lap teasing him, “Don’t you want to see…”
“No,” he rubs the inside of her knee.
She kisses the nape of his neck and up to his ear where she whispers, “it’s the final superbowl superfinals.”
He shivers and clutches her closer. His hand has moved up her leg.
“All-Star Game,” he murmurs.
She nuzzles his ear and breathlessly whispers, “All-Star Game”
He swallows and closes his eyes. His hand moves upward and inward.
“Mmmmm,” she purrs, “All Stars…”
“I really want to meet your parents,” he knows when she’s adamant like this that the deck is stacked in his favor.
“Hmmm, interesting,” he pulls off his jersey.
She crosses her arms and puts on her pouty face, “I’m serious.”
“I can see that,” he takes off his wristwatch and sets it next to her textbooks.
Now she looks suspicious; he waits for the moment.
“So, you’re going to invite them for dinner this weekend,” she declares.
“Well….that’s an idea,” he kicks off his shoes.
“Or I can call them right now and ask them,” she puts out an arm to grab his cellphone from his jeans pocket. That’s the moment.
With one fluid motion he lifts the sundress over her head.
“And when he was seven years old he broke his nose playing tetherball!” Jim’s mother demonstrates vividly.
Pam cups her hands over her mouth, “Oh!”
Mr. Halpert and Jim roll eyes at each other and keep eating.
“Then what?” Pam asks.
“That’s when he blacked out!” Jim’s mother leans over to ruffle his hair but he knows her tricks and quickly leans out of the way.
Before his Mom can chastise him, Pam begs, “tell me another one!”
Mrs.Halpert scrunches her nose, “There’s the time he tried to do a wheelie on his bicycle. First he did it with no feet on the pedals. Then he did it with no hands. Then he got the bright idea to do it with no feet and no hands!”
“Ooooh no!” Pam covers her eyes.
“That’s right, the bicycle flipped… and he blacked out.”
Mr. Halpert pauses in eating to say, “Thought you were a goner that time.”
“That’s like the tenth time you blacked out and you’re not even eight yet!” Pam presses her tongue between her teeth taunting him.
“Luckily, the boy got some sense. No blackouts since junior high, right son?” Mr. Halpert asks as he spears another piece of asparagus.
Jim decides not to tell his Dad about the last three months…. because there are bad black outs and there are good black outs. And Pam’s rubbing her foot against his which makes him want to have another good one as soon as humanly possible.
“Ssssh,” he’s whispering because the neighbors are in the backyard and if they look over their fence they’ll see right into his window.
She pulls in closer to him and whispers, “I’m going to scream ‘Fire’ unless you do naughty things to me.”
He covers her mouth, “Sweetheart, a man can only do so much in a day.”
She yanks his hand off and prepares to scream.
He places his hand somewhere else. Her mouth closes with a snap.
He pulls her down and rolls her over. She looks dreamily at the ceiling,
“Mmmm, warmer, warmer, ooh colder, warmer, warmer, oh hot, hot…”
Pam’s taking dictation in Michael’s office. The blinds are closed so Jim can’t see what’s going on. He likes to make sure she’s okay at all times. Doesn’t want Michael to do something stupid that might upset her.
“Dwight,” Jim looks suspiciously over at Michael’s door.
“What?” Dwight looks at Jim and then he too looks suspiciously over at Michael’s door. “What is it? Tell me. As Chief of Security….”
“In name only.” Jim continues to stare fixedly at Michael’s door.
Dwight disagrees. “It’s not in name only…why are you looking at Michael’s office?”
Jim fights the urge to say ‘bears’, “Didn’t you hear that noise a couple of minutes ago?”
“Yes!” Dwight is now half out of his chair. “I’ll check it out.”
As Dwight enters Michael’s office, Jim dials Michael’s extension.
Over the phone ringing, he can hear Dwight cross-examining Michael about a noise.
Then he hears Michael’s voice, “Just…Dwight! Hold it. The phone. Pam go. MMMMMichael Scott. Hyello? They hung up, Dwight! Thanks to you!”
Smiling, Jim watches her walk back to her desk. He picked out her panties this morning and he can see the faint outline beneath her skirt.
She sends an email.
My hero! I owe you many, many kisses. And, oh, speaking of which, I was getting MSJoint Videos out of his safe, and I found this little booklet. Have you ever heard of the Kama Sutra? I especially like page 7, very intriguing.
“I don’t think that’s physically possible,” he brushes the hair out of her face. She licks his fingers.
“This isn’t twister, Halpert, I don’t need to touch the ground. Just lift me higher.”
She’s firm, she’s soft, and she’s sweaty. Three ways he really likes her. He lifts her higher.
“Oooh, nice. I can see into the neighbor’s yard from here,” she giggles.
He pulls her down immediately. “Let’s get you into some clothes,” he admonishes.
She clings to him, “No, I don’t wanna!”
“The neighbors will talk,” he’s already kissing the curve of her shoulder, his command to get dressed forgotten.
“My neighbors don’t. You should move in with me,” he can barely hear her whispering. He decides he’d better do numbers 8 and 22 again. Maybe she’ll repeat her offer.
She does.
A contented smile spreads across his face as he realizes that this is the slowest unpacking he has ever done in his life. At the rate he’s going, he’ll be unpacked by the time he retires.
They’re hiding behind a stack of boxes in the hallway trying to smother their giggles. He forgot that, in passing, he’d told Michael he was moving. Michael must have put two and two together because now he’s on their doorstep banging and ringing the doorbell.
Their doorstep.
Jim says it over and over in his head as he holds her pressed against his chest. She clings to him like they’re adrift at sea and he’s her lifesaver. He likes that.
He like it so much that he whispers, “I’ll scream ‘fire’ unless you do naughty things to me.”
She whispers, “Oh, don’t be that guy. Here I was going to…”
He opens his mouth wide to scream. She sticks her tongue in.
The doorbell eventually stops ringing.
She’s eating her yogurt in the break room and he’s watching her, jealous of the spoon. She startles him by asking, “Do you think tattoos are tacky?”
He thinks she’s playing innocent, “Why? Are you planning on getting one? A unicorn? Rainbow? One of the Smurfs?”
She points her spoon at him, “Nnnnuhh. I saw this really sexy one.”
“Where?” he can’t imagine where she’s seen a tattoo.
She takes another spoonful, making him wait, teasing him. He watches her pull the spoon out of her mouth and she finally speaks, “years ago.”
He nods, “On a guy?” Please not Roy, he thinks.
“No. On a total slut. But it was hot. I was just thinking about it this last week or so,” she takes another spoonful.
He knows she’s waiting for him to cave. He caves, “Yeah. I like hot tattoos on hot girls. What was it?”
She smiles and takes her spoon out, “It said ‘Property of’ and then her boyfriend’s name. Like ‘Property of Jim Halpert’.”
He doesn’t move. She doesn’t move. Her spoon doesn’t move.
“Will you marry me?”

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