October 28, 2007

The last of the fall colors still clung to the trees around Cherry Hill, Central Park. Browns, oranges, yellows and reds complimented the steel skyline of New York City that towered above the treetops. It was bitterly cold, particularly for the end of October, but the sun was shining brightly in the sky and the golden rays bounced up off the lake. It was a perfect afternoon for a fall wedding.

She nervously made her way down the concrete path towards the lake where she could see a very sparse group of people who had gathered together. She had opted not to wear heels, even though she was well aware that her groom was nearly a foot taller than she was. Even without tall shoes, she felt like she was going to trip over her feet or her dress – something. Her legs felt shaky and she tried to focus on anything else but the few people that were a couple hundred feet away from her.

She didn’t really feel nervous about the marriage part of the wedding. She knew that she was ready to get married and she knew that she wasn’t going to run away from this one. She was nervous about how well the small ceremony would be received. They had had enough money to have a wedding that could have rivaled her first; but they chose to go the unconventional route. They had only invited ten people. Ten! The guest list included: her mother and sister, his mother, brother and sister, and five of their friends. They had no wedding party to accompany them at the altar – not that there was an altar anyway. She wasn’t wearing white and he wasn’t wearing a tuxedo. The most expensive item in the wedding was the sandy brown bridal overcoat that she had gotten handmade and hand embellished with ivory embroidery and tiny white pearls. To be quite honest, she hadn’t even been certain until that morning whether or not she would be wearing it when she looked at the weather forecast and realized it would be far too cold to wear her cap-sleeved creamy tan colored dress alone.

She paused tentatively when she realized that everyone’s eyes were on her – particularly his. Of course, had his eyes not been on her, she would have bolted away in a panic. She smiled shyly as she picked up her pace and quickly made her way past the few friends and family that were gathered around her groom and the judge that they had hired to perform the ceremony.

“Hi,” he said as he looked down into her eyes.

“Hey,” she said in reply. Both of their cheeks were tinged pink from the cold autumn air, and his hair was tousled slightly from the breeze that was blowing off of the lake.

“You’re beautiful,” he said as his eyes perused her face, her neck, and her hair that cascaded in loose curls over her shoulders and back.

“So are you,” she said, feeling a redness tinge her cheeks that was not from the cold air.

“Are you two ready?” the judge asked, leaning forward very slightly.

Jim and Pam turned towards the judge and then turned back towards each other.

“Yes,” they said simultaneously.

He clasped her hands in his and held her cold fingers against the palms of his warm hands. The judge said a few words to start, before turning to Pam.

“Pam, would you like to recite your vows?” he asked. She nodded, refusing to tear her gaze away from Jim.

“Jim,” she said calmly, “you are absolutely my best friend.” She quickly turned to the group of people standing in a semi-circle around them, “No offense to the rest of you.” Jim smiled at her side comment, before he met her eyes again. “You are my best friend. You were my first really, really good friend in the city and you have taken care of me in ways that I never imagined anyone could. I absolutely cannot picture myself with anyone else. You are…” she looked down at her hands quickly and shook her head. “God, you are everything, Jim. And I had so much more to say…I knew I should have written it down.” His thumbs ran against the back of her hands and she looked down at their intertwined fingers again. “I just…I love you. I love you so much and I can’t wait to be married to you and spend the rest of my life with you…my best friend, Jim.” She smiled and took a deep breath.

“Jim,” the judge said, turning towards him, “would you care to go now?”

“Yeah,” he said nodding. “Wow, after that, I probably should have written mine down too.” Pam giggled and squeezed his fingers in reassurance. “Pam…Pam, the first day that I saw you, I knew that I had to be your friend. That first day that I had lunch with you at The Golden Beet…I knew that I had to have you. You bring so much happiness to my life. Everything about you, your smile, your personality, your talents…they just light up every single day. You’re my best friend too, Pam and…” he paused and looked down at their hands much like she had. “You have no idea how incredibly lucky I feel every single day that I wake up knowing that you’re in my life. And I can’t wait for the rest of my life – our lives – to start. I know that with you, I will be happy forever.” She smiled and took a deep breath, trying to keep from shedding tears. “I’m in love with you, Pam. I will always be in love with you.”

The judge smiled and nodded towards Jim’s brother, who immediately took a step towards the three of them standing in front of the lake and handed a small brown box to the judge. The judge opened up the box and turned it to face Jim and Pam. They both looked down at the box and smiled at the very simple white gold wedding bands.

“Jim,” the judge said nodding towards Jim. He smiled and broke his fingers away from Pam’s and carefully picked up the smaller band between his fingers. “Do you take Pam to be your wife?”

“I do,” he said with a smile as he carefully slipped the ring over her finger.

“Pam,” the judge said turning towards Pam. She reached into the box and picked up the band in her fingers and twirled it around her index finger waiting for the magic words from the judge. “Do you take Jim to be your husband?”

“Absolutely I do,” she said with a smile as she slid the band over Jim’s finger.

“Then, by the power vested to me by the State of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife,” the judge said with a smile and he turned to Jim. “You may kiss your bride.”

Jim smiled and wrapped his arms around Pam’s back as she laced her fingers around the back of his neck and pulled herself up onto her tiptoes to reach his face. He stooped his head low and kissed her softly, modestly, romantically on her lips. A cold breeze rustled by them, stirring up some leaves on the ground and rippling the water on the lake just in back of them.

“Perfect,” Pam whispered as she started to pull away from Jim.

“Not yet,” he whispered back as he brushed his lips against hers again and allowed a few fingers to trail through a few of the curls in her hair. His lips persisted against hers until she pulled away from him and turned to look towards their family and friends. She felt a flush rise through her body as she scanned the smiling faces of her mother and Jim’s mother and giggled slightly. She turned back towards Jim and pressed her cheek against his shoulder.

“We’re married,” she whispered against Jim’s shoulder, affirming the fact.

He looked down at her with adoration, kissed the top of her golden brown hair and murmured, “We are.”

December 3, 2007

He stared out of the big window behind him. The snow was gently drifting down against the window panes and there was a light dusting of white on the rooftops surrounding the building he was in. He wished he was back in Fiji. It wasn’t that he didn’t like the cold, windy, winter weather of New York City – well, he didn’t really. Returning back to New York after the honeymoon had been a cold slap in the face of reality. He had spent the last month – or the past couple of weeks, at least – in a tropical paradise with his new bride. Compared to where he was now, he would much rather be on the beach again with Pam, picking up exotic sea shells and spending the entire afternoon strung up in a hammock under the tropical sun.

“So the honeymoon is over,” Ryan said in a mocking voice as he drummed his fingers against the frame of the office door. Jim spun around in his chair and snapped back to the working world of New York City.

“Well, I’m here, aren’t I?” Jim replied with a forced smile on his face.

“I bet you’re glad to be back,” Ryan said as he took a step into the office. “You’re probably sick and tired of spending so much time with Pam.”

“Actually, I’d much rather be with her at home than here with you,” Jim shot back.

“Touché,” Ryan said with a point of his finger towards Jim before he stepped fully inside of the office. “So I take it that you wowed our clients in Sydney?”

“If I did, you should have heard from them by now,” Jim said turning towards his computer when he heard the familiar ring sounding from his computer to alert an incoming e-mail. He hadn’t heard that ring in a month and he had relished it.

“We had a conference call with them on Friday,” Ryan said rubbing his arm. “I guess they’re still considering.”

“Still considering?” Jim asked, his forehead wrinkling. “I took time out of my honeymoon to go to Sydney in order to try and get business from one of the biggest companies in Australia and they’re still considering?”

“Apparently they’re also impressed by…” Ryan trailed off.

“What?” Jim asked expectantly. “Who?”

“What is the one company that is bigger than ours?” Ryan asked.

“You’re kidding,” Jim replied, his face dropping.

“Well, technically, it’s the head of the company that’s trying to get them,” Ryan said as he absentmindedly drummed his fingers against the top of Jim’s desk. “I do have a sneaking suspicion that their other head, that you know oh-so-well, might be the evil mastermind behind it all.”

“Do you think she’s doing it on purpose?” Jim asked.

“What, like sabotage?” Ryan joked.

“Well, I wouldn’t call it sabotage, but it’s probably one of the biggest money offers that we’ve received in the past two years,” Jim said.

“Yeah,” Ryan said as his fingertips continued to drum against the top of Jim’s desk. He seemed to be deep in thought, and for as long as Jim had known Ryan – well, Ryan had never been one to slip deep into thought unless something was really troubling him.

“What’s up, Ryan?” Jim asked, turning from his computer.

“Oh, no, it’s nothing,” Ryan replied shaking his head and stuffing a hand into his pant’s pocket.

“Something’s up,” Jim said.

“Do you remember the last time that you spoke with Karen?” Ryan asked.

“I try to block it from my mind as much as possible,” Jim replied.

“Well,” Ryan muttered, “do you maybe remember a time that she might have told you a little something or other about her company taking over ours?”

“It rings a vaguely annoying little bell in my mind,” Jim said.

“Yeah, well…” Ryan’s gaze went from Jim’s face to the window behind him. “I don’t think she was kidding.”

“What?” Jim asked, any joking demeanor he might feel inside of him gone.

“She had a couple of meetings with Michael while you were in Fiji,” Ryan replied quietly. “Her company is serious.”

“Why?” Jim asked, it was the only question that his mind could formulate.

“I guess the two companies are under the consideration that if they merge they can rival any other competitor in the United States,” Ryan replied with a quick shrug of his shoulders.

“God, but that would mean I have to work with Karen,” Jim said as he looked down at his hands and shook his head.

“Not necessarily,” Ryan replied. “She could transfer…you could…” He looked up to gauge Jim’s reaction and immediately cut himself short, “Or not. It was just a fleeting thought, really. Horrible idea. You’re what runs this company.”

“Oh please, don’t kiss my ass like that, Ryan,” Jim said.

“I’m not kissing anyone’s ass,” Ryan said. “You’re up for a promotion.”

“Excuse me?” Jim asked, feeling his heart skip a beat.

“I shouldn’t say anything,” Ryan replied quickly.

“Please do,” Jim urged.

“You didn’t hear it from me,” Ryan said quietly, leaning over Jim’s desk. “You’re currently being considered for the position of vice president of the company.”

**

Pam had been promoted before she left for the honeymoon. Really, it had worked out perfectly for her. She had been offered a full-time position at the publishing company that she worked at. With the promotion, not only would she be allowed to illustrate children’s books, but she would also be able to review manuscripts as well. She was able to move to a different building, she would get to work with new people, she was close to home, and best of all – in her opinion, the building was only two doors down from a deli that sold the most amazing sandwiches she had ever eaten in her life.

At nine o’clock that morning she had walked in through the front doors and immediately had a meeting with the head of the offices she would be working in. Most of the meeting was about proper work conduct and how to be professional while spending your entire day around children’s stories.

Pam zoned out through a lot of the meeting, imagining she was still in Fiji with Jim. She missed the parrots and parakeets that sat outside the window of their private bungalow and woke them up much earlier than they actually wanted to rise. She missed lying on the beach next to Jim and stealing kisses whenever she possibly could. She missed the salt of the ocean lingering in the air everywhere they went.

Initially, she thought that a month-long honeymoon with Jim would be too much and that they would get sick of each other after spending so much time together. However, now that they were back in New York City and they were back working their respective nine to five jobs, she began to realize that she wished the honeymoon had lasted a lot longer and she found herself missing him even though she had just seen him that morning before work.

 

She took a brief lunch at noon, spending about fifteen minutes at the deli with the amazing sandwiches, before she returned to her new office and went to find her new workspace. She was told beforehand that she would be sharing a large office space with two other employees, but so far she hadn’t met either of them. When she rounded the corner and stepped into the office she would be working in, she realized she didn’t even know the names of her co-workers. She stood awkwardly in the doorway as she looked at a woman sitting in a corner and two empty desks – one next to the door and one next to a window.

“Hi,” Pam said timidly, raising her hand as if to gesture a small wave towards the woman. The woman turned with a look of surprise on her face and the expression immediately softened into a maternal smile.

“Hello! You must be Pam!” the woman stood up and closed the space between the two of them.

“Yes, and I wasn’t told your name,” Pam said with a smile.

“I’m Phyllis,” she said extending her hand.

“Hi Phyllis,” Pam said eagerly shaking her extended hand. “It is great to meet you.”

“I hope that you don’t mind the desk over by the window,” Phyllis said nodding towards the empty desk next to the window. “Andy is a little afraid of heights and he likes to sit near the door.”

“Oh,” Pam said nodding. “No problem, I like a lot of light.” Phyllis smiled, she had an expression on her face that seemed to tell Pam that she was relieved.

“Of course, of course,” Phyllis said. “You are the illustrator after all.”

“You’re not an illustrator?” Pam asked.

“No, no, I read over a lot of manuscripts,” Phyllis replied.

“What about the…uh…who’s the other person?” Pam asked.

“Andrew Bernard,” a male voice from behind Pam proudly announced. Pam whirled around to face the man standing behind her.

“Pam Beesly-Halpert,” she said in a similar tone of voice that he had announced himself with. She extended her hand towards him and he shook it earnestly.

“Beesly-Halpert?” he asked. “That is quite a name, little lady.”

“Thanks,” she replied, pulling her hand away from his and nervously running her thumb against her wedding ring.

“You married?” he asked, leaning towards her and raising an eyebrow suggestively.

“Yes, actually,” she replied. She felt her heart quicken just a little as she said it. There hadn’t actually been many moments in the past month that it really, really hit her that she and Jim were married. However, if someone asked about her ring or purposefully asked her if she was married, she was often struck by the sudden realization that yes, she was married now.

“Oh,” he said taking a step back.

“Pam just got back from her honeymoon,” Phyllis interjected.

“Oh, where did you go? Florida? Jamaica?” Andy asked with a wide grin on his face.

“Fiji,” Pam replied quietly, “and Australia the last week because Jim had to do some business.”

Andy’s face seemed to completely change as she said it; the silly grin on his face beforehand seemed to change to shock. Pam quickly shot a glance towards Phyllis who had a rather similarly shocked expression on her face.

“What?” Pam asked, she clasped her hands together in front of her and nervously twisted her fingers.

“Fiji?” Phyllis asked.

“Australia?” Andy asked.

“Yeah,” Pam replied slowly, her eyes quickly darting back and forth.

“Wow, I’ve never been outside of the Northeast,” Phyllis said quietly.

“I’ve only been to Canada,” Andy added, “and Mexico once, but I like to keep that little tidbit of information to myself most of the time.”

Pam nodded and said, “Well, Fiji is really nice. If you ever get a chance to go.”

She nervously smiled and she breathed a sigh of relief when the smile was returned by both Phyllis and Andy. Even so though, she desperately hoped that she hadn’t just alienated the two people that she would be working with.

**

Pam looked up towards the door when she heard the key click in the lock.

“Honey, I’m home!” Jim teased as he walked through the door.

She giggled and looked back down in the sink as she finished filling up the Brita water pitcher. He peeled off his coat and set his bag down by the door and positioned himself behind Pam standing at the sink.

“How was your first day without me, Mrs. Halpert?” he asked as he bent down and nuzzled his chin against her shoulder.

“Terrifying,” she joked as she turned off the water. “And it’s Beesly-Halpert.”

“It is?” he asked, cocking his head to the side and looking into her eyes.

“It is,” she replied. “You’re not upset by that, are you?” She pulled the pitcher from the sink and turned around towards the refrigerator.

“No, I guess I just assumed…” he said.

“Sorry,” she said as she placed the pitcher in the refrigerator, then turned towards Jim again and wrapped her arms around his neck. “I’ve kind of made a name for myself with Beesly, and I’ve been using it for the past twenty eight years. I’ve grown kind of attached to it.”

“Okay,” he said with a smile on his face. He leaned forward and kissed her softly on her lips. “If you want to be Beesly-Halpert, you can be Beesly-Halpert.”

“Wonderful,” she said with a grin as she met his lips again. “So how was your first day back to work?”

“Terrifying,” he replied, imitating her response.

“Terrifying? How come?” she asked.

“Well, I received some interesting, somewhat terrifying, news,” he replied. “A couple pieces of interesting, somewhat terrifying news, actually.”

“Oh?” she asked. He nodded.

“They may just be gossip though,” he replied.

“Do continue,” she said pressing her palms against his chest.

“Well, the first piece of interesting information is that I am apparently being considered for the position of vice president of the company,” he said matter-of-factly.

“What?” she asked, her face lighting up and a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth.

“Ah, ah! Don’t get too excited just yet,” he stated, “because it also seems that the manipulative she-devil may be trying to come and work with yours truly.”

“What?” she asked again, her face falling slightly and the slow, creeping smile began to disappear.

“I don’t know, like I said, it may all just be rumors,” he said. “However, Ryan told me that Karen’s company is negotiating a deal where the two companies may merge sometime in the near future.”

“What would happen to your vice presidential position if that happened?” Pam asked nervously. Jim shrugged.

“I don’t think I want to worry about it right now,” he replied quickly, pushing the thought out of his mind. “What I would like to worry about is how I spent an entire day not seeing that beautiful face of yours.” He ran his finger down her cheek, across her jaw and at her chin. She smiled and felt a slight blush rise in her cheeks.

“You’ve been spoiled the past month,” she said as he wrapped his arms around her back and pulled her close against his body.

“The only thing I could think about through the day was you skipping along the beaches of Fiji in that little bikini of yours,” he said quietly as his hand trailed to the small of her back and he pushed the hem of her shirt up slightly to trace small circles against her bare skin.

“Really? Because I kept thinking the same thing,” she said with a smile. He chuckled and nestled his lips against her neck and teased the tendon against her neck with the tip of his tongue.

“I miss the taste of salt against your neck,” he murmured. She let out a deep sigh and completely melted in his arms.

“You’re going to wear me out,” she said quietly as she closed her eyes and her head fell back, allowing his lips to explore more of her neck. His chin grazed the dip in her neck and her body shook slightly.

He pulled away and kissed her on the lips before saying, “I look forward to it.”

January 3, 2008

Pam stared out the window as she sat at her desk. She absentmindedly tapped the point of her stylus pen against the top of the computer drawing tablet that Jim had given to her for a birthday present.

***

She hadn’t even known what the device was when she opened it. She had grinned and thanked him after she tore off the gift wrap – she wouldn’t have done otherwise. She hadn’t really asked for anything for Christmas or her birthday, so when she was showered with gifts from Jim, she was a little surprised. The tablet though – that really came out of nowhere.

“You don’t know what it is.” he had said with a smile tugging at the corners of his lips as she stared down at the box in her lap.

“No, no! I uh…” she had looked up at him with a defeated, weak smile and said, “No, I have no idea. I’m really sorry.”

He had laughed softly and then jumped up from the large armchair in the living room and sat himself next to Pam on the sofa.

“It’s this device that lets you draw on the computer.” he said.

“Oh! Like Paint!” she exclaimed, though she didn’t really understand why she needed the gadget. She had always done perfectly well with her mouse.

He had laughed again, turned the box over in her lap and said, “No, no, well…not quite, this is a bit more high-tech than Paint. This allows you to actually draw pictures on the computer. You take the special pen, and you draw on the tablet, like you would in real life.” Pam had nodded along, liking the strange device more and more as he explained it. “So let’s say that you want to draw a picture of me. You draw me well. Instead of drawing a really goofy looking image with the mouse on Paint, you could actually sketch out my portrait just the way it would look on paper – but on the computer!”

“That is too cool!” Pam squealed.

“I thought that you’d like it,” Jim said happily. “And you know, it could come in handy sometime. You could illustrate with it if you ever want to. Create an online picture book maybe? ‘Children’s Illustrations by Pam Beesly-Halpert’.”

***

The memory made her smile. When she went to sleep that night, she had thought about the countless possibilities that awaited her with the drawing tablet. So far, in the past couple days, it was rendered useless – she couldn’t bring herself to do anything with it. She had a million ideas in her head for illustrations; currently, she was being asked to illustrate a 21st century fairytale – modern day look at Rapunzel. She just couldn’t bring herself to put the ideas in her head down on paper, or the computer. Her mind seemed to be elsewhere all the time; everywhere and nowhere. Currently, she was spending her minutes and hours at work staring out the window and watching the snow or looking down at the people walking along the city sidewalks.

“I went to Cornell!” Andy exclaimed loudly before slamming his desk telephone down at the receiver, ending whatever call he had placed.

The outburst startled Pam back to the working world and she looked over towards Andy’s desk with a frightened look on her face. She was beginning to learn that Andy was a rather odd gentleman to work with. Within the first week and a half, she had learned that he had an incredible affinity for his alma mater – Cornell – as it seemed to be his defense tactic for anyone he spoke with. She had also learned that he greatly enjoyed making up nicknames for everyone that worked on their floor. In the first few days at work, he had dubbed Pam, “Pamcasso”, because she was the predominant illustrator. Her favorite nickname, however, was Phyllis’. Andy called Phyllis “Knitarella” most of the time because Phyllis knit all the time while she was at work.

“Hey! Pamcasso!” Andy exclaimed looking over towards Pam, still somewhat stuck in a daydream.

“What?” Pam asked, her head shooting back over in his direction.

“You like my writing, yes?” he asked.

“You’re…you’re not a writer, Andy.” she replied.

“But you like the things I write.” he stated.

“Like…what?” she asked.

“The little poems and songs I leave for you.” he replied with a smile. Pam shot a glance towards Phyllis who flashed a smile towards her and quickly turned back to her desk.

“Poems and songs?” Pam asked.

“Oh don’t play coy, you know you love them.” Andy replied with a wink. Pam’s eyes widened and she turned back to her computer screen. She saw that the absentminded clicking of the stylus on the top of the drawing tablet had made a bunch of black dashes on the monitor.

“I really have no idea what you’re talking about.” Pam said as she trashed the document on her screen and opened a new one.

“What about the little post-it I left on your Coke can yesterday?” Andy asked incredulously.

“What?” she asked, shaking her head at him and narrowing her eyes.

“You laughed at it, you definitely laughed at it.” he replied.

“What did it even say?” Pam asked.

“It said, ‘Pamcasso. Your can is hot. Probably because it’s been sitting on your desk. Put that can in the refrigerator’.” he replied. Her eyes widened and she covered her mouth so he wouldn’t see her giggle. If there was one other thing that she had learned about Andrew Bernard in the past month of working at the company, it was that he could be a bit short-tempered sometime.

“I do not remember that.” Pam said, still covering her mouth.

“I don’t think that’s even a poem.” Phyllis interjected as she looked up from a stack of papers in front of her.

“Anything can be a poem.” Andy defended. Pam stifled another giggle and smiled earnestly in Andy’s direction.

“I appreciate the thought, Andy.” she said warmly. He seemed content with her statement and with that, he turned back to the work on his desk and allowed Pam to drift back into her dreamy haze again.

***

“I can’t concentrate!” Pam exclaimed loudly as Jim walked through the front door of their home that evening.

“I just said ‘hello’.” he said meekly as he dropped his bag and tentatively approached her on the couch.

“Oh,” she said, turning her head and gazing into his eyes, “hey.”

“Hi,” he said, leaning over the back and kissing her quickly on the lips. “Now what about concentration?”

“I can’t concentrate.” she repeated, quieter this time.

“What are you doing?” he asked, looking down at her empty hands and her empty lap.

“Nothing right now.” she replied.

“Nothing?” he asked.

“Nothing.” she repeated.

“What…what were you doing before I walked through the door?” he asked, his voice wavering with a bit of concern. She paused and looked in the direction of the window, then back towards Jim.

“Nothing.” she replied after a moment of hesitation.

“So…you were just staring out the window?” he asked. She nodded slowly. “Are you feeling okay?” She paused again and her forehead wrinkled.

“I stared at snow falling outside of the window for like, an hour today.” she said quietly.

“Pam?” Jim asked.

“What?” she replied, her attention snapping back towards Jim again.

“Are you feeling okay?” he questioned again.

“I’m feeling fine,” she said with a bob of her head. “I guess I’m just sort of…lost in my thoughts.”

He nodded slowly, peeled his coat off of his shoulders and quickly changed the subject, “So I have good news and bad news.” he said.

“Good news and bad news?” she asked. “Which do I want first?”

“The good.” he replied.

“Okay, what’s the good news?” she asked excitedly.

“My meeting today about the position for vice president went very well,” he replied. Pam’s face brightened immediately. “But they haven’t quite made their final decision.”

“Well that wasn’t that bad of news.” Pam stated.

“Oh no, that’s not the bad news,” he said quickly. “The bad news is that…” he sighed, “I have to leave you for a few days next week.”

“What? Why?” she asked.

“They uh…they want me to go out to San Francisco for something,” he replied with a shrug. “Test me out with the other side of the country, I guess.”

“You have to?” she pouted.

“Well, if I was otherwise incapacitated, I think that they could do a phone conference,” he said, “but since I’m fully capable of making the trip, I don’t think I have much of a choice.”

“What a bummer.” she said looking down into her lap.

His heart fell slightly as he watched her eyes travel down to her lap and he saw her face fall. He quickly skipped around to the other side of the couch and sat down next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulder.

“Hey, hey,” he said, a finger tracing the curve of her jaw. “It will be like, five days tops.”

“I don’t want you to go though.” she said quietly.

“Why not?” he asked. “You want me to get this, don’t you?”

“Yes, I want you to get it,” she replied, “and I don’t know why I don’t want you to leave…my mind is just…weird right now, I guess.”

“Okay,” he said, hugging her close. “I would think that you would be sick of spending so much time with me by now.”

“Are you sick of me?” Pam asked as she quickly pulled away and looked at Jim wide-eyed.

“No! No, absolutely not!” he exclaimed with a smile as he pulled her against his chest again and wrapped his arms tightly around her shoulders. “Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” She exhaled loudly against his chest and closed her eyes quickly.

“I’m fine,” she said quietly. She smiled and pulled away from Jim’s embrace and sat up straight. “Absolutely, I’m fine. I probably…it was probably just something that I ate for lunch.”

January 13, 2008

The first few days that Pam felt “off” at work, she chalked it up to winter blues, and maybe a touch of seasonal affective disorder. When the sun finally broke through the clouds the previous Saturday and the temperature rose above thirty degrees she still didn’t feel like her usual self, and she started to worry that maybe she was coming down with the flu.

She spent a lot of the time over the weekend, curled up in the bedroom watching chick flicks on television and she spent several hours painting in the guest room. She had Jim make her soup to ward off the inevitable illness. She made sure that they had plenty of vitamin C tablets and Ibuprofen and she took a couple of each daily to make sure that the flu didn’t get the best of her. She layered herself with unnecessary amounts of clothing when she finally did step outside in order to go to the corner grocery store for new carton of orange juice. Then at night, she made sure that she was plenty warm under many blankets and she snuggled close to Jim as she slept.

Her usual home remedies to ward off illness did not work though – if anything, they only made her feel worse. And the truth of the matter was she couldn’t even remember the last time she was really sick. Ever since her early twenties, she was immune to nearly every illness that struck the people close to her. She had always been teased out of jealousy about her ability to ward off illness. Some of her friends used to say that she could survive the worst plague if it hit her home. Maybe this was just her years of immaculate health catching up with her and laying it all on her at once.

It wasn’t until Wednesday that she started to wonder that maybe she wasn’t sick. Maybe it was something else. She still felt sick though. She wasn’t vomiting, although she wasn’t eating a whole lot either because her stomach was constantly in knots.

As the week continued to pass by, she felt herself becoming exceedingly emotional as well. Jim was leaving on Friday for San Francisco, and she really hadn’t expected to feel as bad about his departure as she did. She chalked that up to the two of them not spending any time apart since they had gotten married – perhaps even earlier than that. It was going to be weird spending five days without him, especially after not being apart for more than a day over the past few months.

But it wasn’t that either.

***

Jim left on Friday evening, and Pam begged him not to go. She needed him at home with her. She didn’t even care about the promotion of his that was on the line. She didn’t want him to leave. It didn’t help that her stomach was in even more pain than usual and she could feel a dull ache pounding against the small of her back.

“I’ll call you as soon as I get there.” Jim said as he kissed her forehead and rubbed his palm against the small of her back – right where the pain was.

“Keep doing that.” and she moaned quietly against his shoulder as the ball of his hand coaxed away the knot.

“Pam, I need to go.” he said and she whimpered quietly as his hand left her back for his bags next to the door and the pain instantaneously returned.

“I don’t think you should,” she said quietly, “what if something bad happens?”

“What’s going to happen in the next five days?” he teased. She gave him a look that said, ‘You never know, Jim…’ and he frowned a little. “You’re going to be fine. It’s only five days.”

“Five days is a long time when we haven’t been apart a day since October.” she mumbled.

“I’m only a phone call away,” he reassured, “and I can assure you, there will be no Armageddon.” Pam smiled weakly and nodded twice. As she opened the front door for Jim, she couldn’t help but feel her intuition kicking her from behind – right in the small of her back.

“This really hurts.” she said rubbing her back while she stood with Jim in the doorway.

“Me leaving? Or your back?” he asked.

“Both.” she replied.

“Five days,” he whispered as he bent low and pulled her into a tight embrace, “I might be able to weasel it down to three or four if I’m really lucky.” He kissed her on the cheek and continued to hold her close to his body.

“What about my back?” she asked.

“Go to the doctor if it gets really bad,” he replied, “we have good insurance. It’ll all be covered.”

“Okay.” she said with a quick nod, her chin bouncing off of his shoulder.

“I love you.” he said quietly before he pulled away. Pam quickly stood on her tip toes and kissed him on his lips.

“I love you too.” she said sadly.

He hugged her once more then quickly stepped outside and ran down towards the car the advertising company had sent for him that was awaiting him in the street. She waved meekly from the doorway, and she watched the taxi until it was out of sight. As she turned around to go back inside of the empty home, she felt her stomach turn into a tight knot and it felt as if someone stabbed her in the back with a hot knife.

***

She knew pregnancy wasn’t supposed to feel like this – if she even was pregnant. She had been twice in the past, and it hadn’t felt like this. Nothing should feel like this. She spent the rest of that Friday evening in bed because she was hurting too much to walk around the house. She wasn’t hungry, and even if she was, pizza or Chinese sounded far from appealing to her sensitive appetite.

She fitfully slept through the night, only to wake up around midnight when Jim called her from San Francisco.

“Were you asleep?” he asked when she picked up the phone and he heard her groggy voice.

“Yeah.” she replied, her mouth was painfully dry and her stomach was still in knots.

“Are you feeling any better?” he asked.

“Worse.” she replied.

“Maybe you should go see the doctor tomorrow.” he said.

“Maybe,” she said, “if I can find a doctor’s office that’s open on a Saturday.”

“Oh, right, it’s the weekend.” he said.

“Jim?” she asked nervously, her voice wavering slightly.

“Yeah?” he replied.

“I think I’m pregnant.” she said softly. There was a pause.

“Really?” he asked, his voice hopeful, excited, a little wary.

“I…I really don’t know,” she replied, “it’s just…I kind of thought maybe…”

There was another painfully long pause before Jim spoke up, “Do you…what are you going to do?”

“I think I’m going to go buy a pregnancy test tomorrow,” she replied, “I really need to know…we really need to know.”

“Do you want me to come home?” he asked. She laughed quietly, but it wasn’t really a laugh, it was much more hollow than usual.

“Of course I want you to come home,” she replied, “I feel like shit.” This time Jim laughed softly, though he immediately realized afterwards that it wasn’t the correct response. “No, you need to stay out there in California. You want that position.”

“Yeah, but I’d kind of like to be with you when you find out whether or not…you know, if you are…” he said quietly.

“I’ll call you when I find out.” she said.

“Okay.” he said.

“And Jim?” she said quickly.

“Yeah?” he responded. She paused and ran her hand along her abdomen, as if her hand would quell the twisting knots deep in her stomach.

“Nothing, I just…” she stammered, she didn’t want to worry him, she didn’t want to tell him that the feelings tumbling around inside of her stomach were some of the worst that she had ever felt. Instead, she said, “I love you. And I miss you.”

“I love you, and I miss you too.” he said.

“I’m going to go back to sleep.” she said.

“Okay, you do that,” he said, “get lots and lots of rest, and take care of yourself and the potential little one as well.”

“I will.” she choked as he said his ‘goodbyes’ to her and she carefully hung up the phone. She reached over the side of the bed to set the phone back on the nightstand and as she recoiled, there was another cramp that twisted through her stomach. She whimpered from the pain and curled up in a fetal position under the covers. If this was pregnancy, she didn’t want anything to do with it.

***

Pam slept until eleven the next morning. When she finally re-entered the world of consciousness, she immediately realized that she felt a little better. Her stomach wasn’t tied up in knots and she felt…okay. She didn’t feel fabulous, she certainly didn’t feel like going out for a long walk or jog by any means, but she could stand up without feeling like she needed to immediately collapse into a chair or her bed.

She warily showered, dressed and ate a small bowl of granola and yogurt. She was out of orange juice again – she started to wonder just how much orange juice she had consumed in the past week – and decided that she might as well go outside and pick up a new carton of orange juice and a pregnancy test.

She felt cautiously optimistic as she walked into the Duane Reade around the corner. She grabbed a small basket and made a beeline for the refrigerator cases in the back of the store. She quickly grabbed a half gallon of her favorite brand of orange juice and then cautiously made her way into the aisle with the feminine hygiene products and the pregnancy tests.

She had only bought a pregnancy test once before. She couldn’t remember what the brand had been, but the thing had frustrated her to no end. It was cheap and she was convinced after using it that it was broken – if a plastic stick could be broken. When the results finally started to appear – a couple minutes later than they were supposed to – she hadn’t been able to tell whether or not the line was pink or blue. She had thrown it away in anger and frustration and she promised herself that she would work up the nerve to go out and buy another the next day. When she awoke the next morning, she had started her period and there was no need for her to return to the drugstore.

She had a lot of options to choose from as she looked at all the boxes in front of her. She looked them over quickly, her eyes darting back and forth amongst pink, blue and white boxes. She kind of felt like she was eighteen all over again and buying a box of condoms for the first time; there were so many options, which was the right one for her?

Her eyes settled on the digital test in the middle of the shelf. It was a lot more expensive than the rest of them, but there also seemed that a lot more of the digital ones had sold than the others. She picked the box off the shelf and quickly scanned it. At least this one would be clear – no vague lines or colors to read. She quickly threw it in the basket and on her way to the cash register at the front of the store, she grabbed a bag of dark chocolate M&Ms and a large bag of Twizzlers to soothe her nerves – whatever the result of the test might be.

***

It took her the entire afternoon to actually work up the nerve to take the test. Throughout the day she had repeatedly told herself what a life changing moment it would be if she was. The more she told herself that, the more nervous she became. She wished that Jim was home, she wished that he could be there with her while she waited for the results to appear.

Finally, after eating the entire bag of M&Ms and about a quarter of the bag of Twizzlers, she pulled herself into the bathroom with the pregnancy test and the phone and dialed Jim’s cell phone. She nervously tapped her foot as she watched herself in the mirror. The other end of the phone rang and rang and rang…

“You’ve reached the voicemail of Jim Halpert. I’m unable to come to the phone right now, but if you leave a message, I’ll get back to you as soon I can…”

Pam took a deep sigh. She was going to have to do this on her own. She looked at the small clock sitting near the sink; it was seven o’clock in New York, which meant it must have been four in California. He was probably in a meeting.

“Hi Jim, it’s me…Pam,” she said as she left him a message, “I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to take the pregnancy test right now. I uh…I was going to talk to you while I did it, but you must be off in a meeting right now or something. I don’t think that you’re voicemail can handle five minutes of me babbling while I wait for the results so I’ll call you back later when I find out whatever it is I’m about to find out. I really, really wish you were here right now. I love you and I will talk to you later. Bye.”

***

She sat staring at the “Pregnant” for a good five minutes before she gathered together any coherent thought. It took her another ten minutes to realize that she needed to call Jim and let him know. It took her another ten minutes after that to think of the right thing to say. She figured that if he had received the voicemail message from her that he would have had the decency to call her.

Somewhere in the midst of waiting for the results and gathering up the courage to call Jim again, the twists and knots in her stomach had started up again. As she thought about what she was going to say to Jim, she started to contemplate whether or not she should even call him and tell him the results. She was pregnant, the digital pregnancy test couldn’t lie, but there was just something deep inside of her that kept screaming at her that this wasn’t right.

She hung up the phone the first time she called him and it went to his voicemail. Did she really want to be the wife who leaves her husband a voicemail telling him that they’re going to have a baby? She thought of the future and she wondered what that story would sound like five years into the future, “I told your father I was pregnant for you while he was in a business meeting while in California!” But she had to tell him, and the little kicking feeling in her chest told her to do it soon, do it now.

She took a deep breath and bravely dialed his number again. As she expected, the ringing of the other line went to his voicemail and when she heard the quick beep to leave a message, she summoned all of the courage inside of her to speak.

“Hey Jim,” she said, her voice sounded foreign as she heard herself, “um…it’s me, Pam, again. I just, I wanted to let you know that I took the pregnancy test and…” she paused quickly, “wow, this is the worst possible way to tell you, through your voicemail and all.” She laughed a little to herself, but even her laugh didn’t quite sound right, “Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that I took it and…we’re going to have a baby.” Something immediately changed inside of her as she said the words. She felt happy all of the sudden. There were still jitters of nervousness fluttering inside of her, but it wasn’t the same as before. She was having a baby. She and Jim were having a baby. Together. Theirs. “So, let me know when you get this,” she continued. “I think that I’m going to go to sleep early again tonight. I’m not feeling so hot again, but…at least I know why now.” She nodded to herself and smiled in the mirror. “I’ll talk to you later, Jim. I love you. Bye.”

January 14, 2008

Intuition was a funny thing. It liked to get one’s hopes up and then smash them into little pieces like a hammer hitting glass.

***

She fell asleep early Saturday night, after she started to come down from the joyous high that she had felt after telling Jim the good news. After she had settled under the sheets and started to drift off to sleep, the churning, twisting and cramping came again. She fell into a painful, deep sleep. She slept through two of Jim’s phone calls and she had at least three nightmares throughout the night.

When she woke up at ten on Sunday morning, she wondered how she could actually feel more tired after sleeping nearly twelve hours than she did before she went to sleep. She stumbled up out of bed, not bothering to check her phone to see if Jim called – not really checking for anything. She felt…different. Her stomach was cramping and she kind of felt like she had been hit from behind with a bus, but other than that, she felt a little better than she had the past few days.

She sleepily walked to the bathroom and started to run water for a shower as she used the toilet. When she stood up to flush though, her heart seized in her chest and her breath became quick and shallow.

Blood. There wasn’t supposed to be blood. She blinked three times, certain that this was another nightmare. She pinched herself hard on the arm – it wasn’t a dream. She looked over towards the bathroom door where she had kicked off her underwear. She tentatively picked the panties up from the floor. Blood.

She hadn’t had very many panic attacks in her life, but she was certain that if anything could qualify as one – this would. Her chest was tight, her head was pounding and she could feel her blood pumping red-hot through every inch of her body.

This couldn’t be happening, it just couldn’t! The test had said “Pregnant”, she took that test only fourteen hours ago! She quickly flushed the toilet and threw her underwear in the trash, thinking that it would make things right again. She hopped in the shower and ducked her head under the heavy stream of scalding hot water. She ignored the thin line of crimson that snaked down her leg and spiraled down the drain and she tried to ignore the cramps that were knotting in her stomach again.

When she stepped out of the shower, she grabbed the darkest towel that she could find and wrapped it around her body. She tried not to notice the red splotches all over her body from the hot water and the result from scrubbing her skin too hard with the loofah. She marched purposefully towards the bedroom and tore the comforter and top sheet off of the bed. There were only a few dark red droplets on the fitted sheet, but to Pam, they were so blaringly obvious that she tore off the sheet with a violent tug. The force from the pull knocked her backwards to the floor and the sheet gently billowed down on top of her legs. She sat up, pulled her knees to her chest and tugged the sheet around her. She gingerly touched the tiny red splotches with her fingertips and started to cry.

***

She hadn’t bothered to get dressed; she just wrapped herself up in the towel and curled up on the top of the bare bed. She simply watched the minutes tick by on the digital clock next to the bed, turning over every once in a while to grab another Kleenex to wipe at her nose or use to dab the tears away from her eyes and cheeks.

The phone startled her out of her miserable state, which she quickly returned to when she saw the caller I.D. She hadn’t actually spoken to Jim in a day. It was amazing how much things could change within no more than twenty four hours time.

“Hello.” she said softly as she answered.

“How are my babies doing?” he asked cheerfully.

She immediately choked back more tears before replying, “Not so good.”

“What’s wrong? Still feeling icky?” he asked.

“Yeah.” she mumbled.

“I didn’t wake you up, did I?” he asked.

“No, not really.” she replied. She was silent for a few seconds too long and when Jim spoke again, she knew that he knew something was up.

“Are you okay?” he asked. “You’re not upset that I wasn’t around yesterday, are you? I’m really, really sorry that I wasn’t around when you called. I was in the middle of this mind-numbingly boring meeting and…”

“Jim,” she said firmly, her voice wavering like it had the last time that she spoke with him, “I need to tell you something.”

“What?” he asked. Her heart started to race again. Why did he have to be on the other side of the country? She didn’t want to do any of this over the phone.

“I…I…” she whimpered and bit down on her bottom lip hard as she tried to prevent herself from crying.

“Seriously, Pam,” he said cautiously, “are you okay?”

“No.” she breathed.

“What happened?” he asked.

“I lost it.” she replied.

“Lost it?” he asked. “Lost what?”

“The baby.” she said in a tiny voice before she started to really cry again. She buried her face in her hands and the phone got crushed somewhere between her ear and her shoulder before it completely fell away from her and lay on the mattress.

She forgot all about Jim on the other end of the line for the few moments that she lay crying until she heard his voice again, coming through the receiver of the phone.

“Pam… Pam! What…” she heard his voice trail off, “where…” the voice trailed off again, “Pam…”

She wiped her nose with the back of her arm and picked the phone back up.

“Sorry,” she choked as she wiped tears from her cheeks, “I dropped the phone.”

“I’m coming home,” he said, “I need to come back home.”

“No, no you don’t.” she insisted as she wiped tears from the corners of her eyes.

“I need to be with you!” he insisted some more. “You didn’t want me to leave in the first place and now I see that I shouldn’t have come out here.”

“But Jim!” she exclaimed, “If you come home, you’re putting your new position of vice president in jeopardy. Please, please don’t do that just because of me!”

“I’m finding the first flight out of San Francisco to JFK, okay?” he stated firmly.

“Jim! You’re not listening to me!” she cried. “You want this position! It’s important to you!”

“Pam,” he said, “there are certain things in life that are much more important than this position...than this job. You are that certain thing.” She was silent. “I’m coming home today.”

***

She was asleep when he arrived back home. The first flight he was able to catch was a ridiculously early red-eye from San Francisco. When he walked through the front door, it looked like she hadn’t even stepped foot downstairs the couple of days he was gone. It looked exactly the same as it had before he left. As he started to walk up the stairs, he noticed the difference and he started to take note of the events that had transpired in the past day or so. There was a towel crumpled near the laundry chute – it looked like she had tried to throw it through the door, but had missed and not given it a second glance. He briefly stepped into the bathroom to set down his bag of toiletries that he had taken with him and he immediately noticed a couple of items balled up in the trash can next to the toilet – one of the items appeared to be a pair of her underwear.

He quickly left the bathroom, and walked down towards the end of the hall – their bedroom. He pushed open the door very slightly and he smiled sadly when he looked at Pam lying, sleeping in the bed. Even without him there, she cornered herself on one side of the bed.

There were crumpled up Kleenex everywhere and as he slowly approached the bed, he started to feel like he might need them as well. He quietly set his suitcase at the end of the bed and carefully crawled under the covers alongside Pam.

He brushed some of the hair from her face and his fingertips tentatively danced along her shoulder and arm. Her eyes slowly opened and she smiled a sad, relieved smile when she saw him lying next to her.

“Hi,” he whispered, “I’m back.”

“Hey,” she mumbled. She blinked a few times to try and wake herself up and then really stared at him, “Have you been crying? Or are you just really tired?”

“Oh,” he said, wiping his eyelids with the back of his hands, “maybe a little of both. I caught an ungodly early flight out of San Francisco this morning.” His eyes were rather bloodshot and the lids were red-rimmed. The bags under his eyes were a tell-tale sign that he hadn’t slept in probably twenty four hours and simply put, he looked rather miserable.

“You didn’t have to come back.” she said quietly, allowing herself to move closer towards his body.

“Yes I did.” he responded.

***

They fell asleep for about three hours. Jim awoke first when Pam started quietly moaning and writhing back and forth in his arms. He rubbed her back a little, hoping to shake her from what he thought was a bad dream. When she started subconsciously rubbing at her stomach, he felt his heart break all over again and he decided it was time for him to get up.

He walked to the foot of the bed and sat down on the floor with his suitcase in front of him. He carefully unzipped the top and looked into the horrible mess. He had so frantically packed everything back up that he hadn’t taken any time to fold his clothing – everything had just been haphazardly stuffed inside. Piece by piece, he took out each item, folded them on his lap and carefully set them in neat piles next to him.

He did that until he reached the bottom of the suitcase. He pulled out the small plastic bag and took out the small article of clothing and smoothed it out over his knees. He had gone out to the most clichéd tourist stand that he could possibly have found in the vicinity of his hotel and bought a tiny little onesie that read, “Someone who loves me very much went to San Francisco and got me this!” Although horribly cliché and albeit rather tacky, it had made him smile and laugh and he knew that it would get the exact same reaction from Pam. At least, that was until he received the phone call from her telling him what had happened. Now, as he sat in their bedroom with the tiny outfit spread across his knees it was having the complete opposite effect.

“What are you doing?” he heard Pam’s groggy voice ask from behind him. He quickly flicked a couple of tears away from his eyelids and turned around to look at her.

“Oh, just…just unpacking.” he said, his hands covering the tiny garment in his lap.

“What’s that?” she asked, nodding towards his hands.

“It’s nothing.” he replied, unmoved.

“Well, it’s something,” she said, “I can see that there’s something there.”

His hands tentatively moved away from the onesie and he looked over his shoulder to gauge her reaction. Her face immediately fell and her bottom lip started to tremble.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly, “I bought it the evening that I received your voicemails…I probably should have brought it back to the little shop I got it at.”

“It’s cute.” she said, biting her lip hard, and she hoped for a split second that she might be able to stop the tears that were about to fall.

“Are you upset?” he asked.

“About the onesie?” she asked in a choked reply.

“Well…” he trailed off. She took a deep breath and tried to smile.

“I think it’s an incredibly sweet gesture.” she said. She stretched forward, lowered herself onto her elbows and allowed her head to rest on Jim’s shoulder. She kissed him softly on the cheek and asked him, “How do you feel?”

He sighed, turned his head away from her quickly and turned back. She smiled weakly as she watched a tear roll down his cheek. Seeing Jim tear up in front of her broke her heart and she knew that she wouldn’t be able to keep her own tears bottled up for much longer. She brushed away his tear with her thumb and kissed him again.

“We’ll have other opportunities.” she said quietly as she settled her chin on her hand.

“Will we?” he cautiously asked.

“Of course we will.” she replied as bravely as she could.

“How can you be so sure?” he asked. “I just…each time this has happened I just feel like I’m hurting you and…it hurts.” He grabbed the baby onesie in one of his hands and fisted it into a small ball.

“I know,” she said, nodding. “The last time this…well, the last time, I just felt like I was…” her forehead wrinkled and a pained expression crossed her face and she couldn’t fight the tears any longer. Two tears quickly tumbled down her cheeks and settled in the corners of her mouth.

“Pam…” Jim whispered. Seeing her cry made his heart ache and before he could help himself, he had a couple more tears running down his cheeks.

“It’s just…” she shook her head twice, “I feel like I’ve disappointed you. This time, last time and…” a small, quiet cry escaped from her mouth, “I don’t want to disappoint you.” She took a deep breath and wiped a couple tears from her chin. “I want to be good enough for you.”

His breath caught as he looked at her, tears in his eyes and tears in her eyes. He brought his hand up to her and cradled her face in his palm and kissed her softly before saying, “Pam, you are more than good enough for me.” She nodded woefully and he continued, “Seriously, you are the absolute best thing in my life and…and no, you don’t disappoint me. This is just…it’s just a setback.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face against his shoulder and neck, “And we can’t just give up because of a couple unfortunate setbacks.” She kissed him on the jaw and closed her eyes tightly, hoping that it could stop more tears from forming. “It’ll happen,” she choked, “maybe not next month, maybe not six months, maybe not even a year or two from now, but it will happen.”

“Yeah,” he said quietly. Pam could feel his arms trembling slightly underneath her own and she wrapped her arms around him even more.

“Absolutely,” she said, echoing his quiet statement. She kissed him softly again and reached forward for the balled up article of baby clothing in his hand. He unclenched his fist and she took it from him then smiled ever-so-slightly and said, “We can save this for later.”

June 7, 2008

It was the evening of the annual spring gala. Normally, Pam would have suggested to Jim that they skip it entirely. The previous year they had been in Paris, the year before that, the gala had been a little awkward for the two of them since it had been their first big date together.

There were no ifs ands or buts about going to the dinner this time around though. Tonight was the official announcement declaring the merger of the two most major advertising companies in New York City. In addition to that announcement, Jim’s promotion to vice president was officially being made public as well.

***

It had been a difficult few months for Jim and Pam. When Jim had returned home to be with Pam, he had been certain that any hopes for a promotion to vice president of the company were gone. When he left San Francisco, he had abruptly cancelled all of his meetings for the upcoming week and he had spent a ridiculous amount of the company’s money to get a flight home as soon as he possibly could. He had no idea how he had been reconsidered for the position – he simply assumed that Michael liked him enough to throw his name back in the ring.

Jim had mostly worried about the notion of working with Karen. He hadn’t spoken to her at all; he had only heard things about her intentions through co-workers. He she had no plans of leaving the company.

He had worried what might happen when she realized that he was after her position and he was constantly in fear about what might happen if he actually got her position in the company. As the months passed though, he started to realize that maybe his worries were irrational. He still had not heard anything from her personally, and if anything, from what he had heard from his co-workers, it seemed that she was the one pushing for him to get the job.

Because of the impending promotion looming on the horizon, it had sent Jim into an endless circus of stressful business meetings that followed him around everywhere – from his office back home with him in the evening. He had always heard the phrase, “The honeymoon is over!”, but he never really felt that it would apply to Pam and him. Unfortunately, the more days that he spent late at his company in meetings or just working into the evening, there were consequently more evenings that Pam spent locked away in the guest bedroom working on illustrations.

This dinner gala was their first night out together in weeks.

***

“Have I told you that I’m proud of you?” Pam asked as she leaned close to Jim and placed her hand on his upper thigh.

“I don’t think that you have, actually!” he replied with a wide grin as he leaned close to her and kissed her on the tip of her nose.

“Eeeeww!!” Michael exclaimed from the other side of the table like a prepubescent middle schooler. “PDA! PDA!”

“Oh come on, Michael.” Jim said rolling his eyes in Michael’s direction. Michael had no right to talk as Jim had caught him and the new girlfriend kissing near the men’s room only a half hour earlier.

“I am, you know.” Pam whispered in Jim’s ear and her palm moved up his thigh a little higher, her fingertips delicately danced along the inseam of his pants.

“I’m giving a speech in five minutes.” he mumbled. She immediately drew back her hand to her lap and smiled sweetly at him.

“As you wish.” she said.

He leaned dangerously close to her neck and for a second she thought that he might kiss her in front of all of his co-workers but instead he breathily whispered, “Maybe later.” A huge grin spread across her face and she nervously bit her lower lip as Michael stared at the two of them as if he was trying to figure out what they were talking about.

“Will Michael Scott please report to the microphone?” a voice over the sound system asked.

“What?” Michael asked, looking around confused.

“I think it’s time for the announcements.” Jim replied, his gaze going towards the stage.

“We’re never able to just relax at these things, are we?” Michael huffed as he pushed himself away from the table and stood up.

“I don’t think that’s quite the point.” Jim said with a smirk as he watched Michael trudge towards the front of the room to announce the merger and Jim’s promotion to the sea of people enjoying the dinner gala.

***

“I just want a glass of water with lemon.” Pam said to the bartender as she fetched a drink for herself.

“It’s an open bar and you get a glass of water?” a female voice near her scoffed. “You pregnant or something?”

Pam quickly turned towards where the voice came from and just as she was about to open her mouth to say something sarcastic to the mysterious female, she stopped short and her voice caught somewhere in her throat. Standing next to her was Karen – a very pregnant Karen – with a glass of red wine cradled in her hand.

“No…” Pam said, “but you…yes?”

“God, I hope so.” Karen said as she ran her hand along the large curve of her stomach. “If not, I’ve just spent the past six months with my head in the toilet for no reason.”

Pam refrained from laughing at the comment and instead, her mind started to race. She wondered if Karen knew who she was. She couldn’t remember a moment in time that she had ever been introduced to her. Pam had certainly seen her that one fateful time when she was still working at The Golden Beet but she had never introduced herself. She wasn’t even certain if Jim had wedding or vacation photos at work or if Jim had even seen Karen since all of their legal issues had finally been settled.

“You don’t work within the company, do you? I…you don’t look familiar,” Karen said as she took a drink from her glass of wine.

“Me?” Pam asked, pointing to herself – as if there was anyone else that Karen could have been talking to.

“Yes, you,” Karen said with a smile, “I’ve never seen you before.”

“Oh, no,” Pam said shaking her head, “I don’t work in the company. I’m here with my husband. I work for a small publishing company.” She stopped herself after that; she didn’t need Karen knowing anymore about her personal life.

Karen snorted, “He must not be very important in the company. You’d think that he would have bought you a nicer dress. Especially at an event like this.”

Pam’s eyes widened, but just as she was about to say something to defend herself (and Jim) or simply walk away, Karen spoke again, “Will you look at this fucker that they’ve made vice president?” Karen shot a wicked glance over towards the table that Jim, Pam and the rest of Jim’s close co-workers were sitting at.

Pam’s heart jumped in her chest when she heard the vicious words about Jim that Karen had so foolishly let spill out of her mouth. However, the trickster that inhabited Pam decided to let Karen speak. One reason Pam didn’t speak up was because she wanted to know whether or not Karen actually knew who she was. The other reason she decided she would try and play along was to see just how much Karen would say to a supposed stranger.

“Yeah…” Pam said with a wry smile on her face as she graciously took the glass of water from the bartender

“Bastard stole my job.” Karen said shaking her head as she took a long sip of the wine.

“Should you really be…uh…” Pam pointed to the glass of wine, “I didn’t think that you were supposed to drink while pregnant.”

“The French do it, the Italian do it…probably.” Karen shrugged. “How much is a glass going to hurt the kid anyway? It’s a special occasion.”

“If you say so.” Pam said quietly as she took another gulp of the water.

“I should have fought him for it, you know.” Karen said, pointing a finger towards Jim.

“You don’t think he deserves it?” Pam asked.

“I don’t know,” Karen replied, “I don’t know much of his work, I guess. I would have fought a little bit harder if it weren’t for my maternity leave. I figured I’d try a couple months of the stay-at-home mom crap. I have a kid entering pre-school this year, too. It’d kind of be nice not to hire an incompetent nanny to look after the little devil.”

“So you’re leaving the company?” Pam asked, hoping that the optimistic tone of voice wasn’t too apparent.

“Oh no, no, I’ll still be working from home.” Karen replied quickly. “I’d be a complete fool to leave this company. Amazing salary, trips all around the globe…you know, that’s one of the reasons why I vouched for Halpert to get this position.”

“The salary?” Pam asked.

“No, the trips.” Karen replied, and as Pam looked at the woman who her husband despised so much, she noticed an evil glint in her eye.

“What, you like that he’s taking all the trips that you could take?” Pam asked, confused.

“No,” Karen replied, shaking her head, “I heard that he got married not too long ago. There’s this little part of me that loves that his new position is going to pull the dumb fuck away from his new wife.” She chucked menacingly to herself and Pam felt her heart jump after Karen spoke. She felt her cheeks quickly flush pink as a surge of rage coursed through her blood.

“You know what?” Pam asked, her face suddenly cold. “I just realized, we never formally introduced ourselves!”

“Oh!” Karen exclaimed, setting her glass of wine down on the bar. “I’m Karen Filippelli.” She extended her hand warmly towards Pam, Pam shook the hand firmly.

“I’m Pam Beesly-Halpert,” she said calmly. She waited for the look of shock to cross Karen’s face and finished, “Jim’s wife.”

***

“So is there some celebratory lovin’ in our futures this evening?” Jim asked in a low growl as the two of them sat in the backseat of the company car heading home.

“Maybe.” Pam replied, despite herself as her mind kept racing back to the encounter with Karen earlier in the evening.

“Just maybe?” he pouted. “Not absolutely?”

“Jim, when was the last time that you spoke with Karen?” she asked, curiosity getting the best of her. She was amazed how just the mention of her name could completely change his demeanor.

“I don’t know, it’s been…it’s been a long time.” he said.

“I ran into her this evening.” Pam said matter-of-factly.

“Oh?” he asked.

“She said…she said some interesting things.” she said.

“Like what?” Jim asked nervously.

“Well, she thinks that you’re a really uncool guy,” she replied, “though I will admit that she used words that were a lot more R-rated than that.”

“Not surprising.” he said. He and Karen certainly hadn’t ended on a good note. He had used a lot of “R-rated” words himself while talking with her during their last meeting together.

“And she’s pregnant.” Pam said quickly, she didn’t know why she mentioned that. Perhaps it was a twinge of jealousy that Karen could get pregnant and she couldn’t. Pam continued, “But the really interesting thing she told me is how you came to get your new position in the company.”

“So she did have something to do with it?” he asked. He still had a hard time believing that his ex-wife would have vouched for him to take her position in the company – unless of course she had some ulterior motives.

“In a nasty little way, yes.” she replied.

“Suspicions confirmed,” Jim thought to himself.

Pam continued, “She seems to believe that if you are the new vice president of the company that you’re not going to be…with me that much.”

His heart leapt in his chest. For some reason, he had barely even thought about the extra travel that would be involved with the promotion. In the past, he had been able to travel when and where he pleased without much concern for others in his life – because there weren’t others in his life. Now, not only was there Pam, but there was also a whole future family somewhere down the line. He couldn’t believe that he hadn’t thought of it sooner.

“Did she say that?” Jim asked.

“More or less.” Pam replied. “She had no idea who I was when I was talking to her. The conversation pretty much came to a screeching halt when I finally introduced myself as your wife.”

“How did she look when you said it?” he asked, feeling a little hopeful and a little smug.

“Shocked as hell.” she replied, laughing softly.

“I’m sure,” he said, smiling, “I don’t think I’ve seen her since that last legal meeting of ours.”

“She knew you were married.” Pam said quietly.

“Everyone knows I’m married.” Jim said. Pam nodded. “I think that Michael did just about everything short of announcing our wedding over the intercom system in the building. You know, just so everyone was absolutely sure that I was off the market.” He laughed and looked over at Pam, who only nodded again and didn’t return his jovial response.

“So the…the traveling thing.” Pam said quietly, looking down into her lap.

“You can come with me.” he said, reaching into her lap and taking her hand into his. She shook her head.

“I have a full time job, and I think I used up most all of my vacation days on that honeymoon.” she said.

A silence settled between the two of them as they drove a couple more blocks. Pam settled her head against the window and sighed deeply.

“Pam…” Jim murmured, sensing the tension between the two of them.

“I just don’t want you to be gone all the time.” she said quietly.

“I’ll try to do most of my business in the city.” he said as he ran his thumb over the top of her hand. He inched closer towards her and settled his chin on her shoulder. “I don’t want to be gone all the time either, Pam.” he said quietly and he pressed his lips against her jaw.

“Yeah,” she mumbled, “I know.”

Jim wrapped his arm around Pam’s shoulder, pulled her close against his chest and held her there tightly as the car rounded the corner to their home. Pam sighed heavily, her breath kicking up the faint odor of Jim’s cologne. She wondered to herself how she could have gone from such a high to such a low all within one night. She had been so happy for him at the beginning of the night – they both thought that he had lost the promotion back in January. The wonderful realization that he had a second chance made her ecstatic almost. However, after speaking with Karen, she wasn’t so sure how she felt about Jim’s new position. She had been so happy about the advancement in his career that the cold reality of him traveling more often and being away more had completely eluded her. Truthfully, she didn’t know how she felt anymore.

August 20, 2008

“Wow Pam, you look really hot today.” Andy said as Pam trudged through the door of the office.

“Quiet, Andy,” she said bitterly, “I’m not in the mood.”

“No, I mean, you look really sweaty,” he corrected, “did you walk here today?”

“No, I took the subway.” she said as she wiped the back of her hand against her forehead. She sat down at her desk and the back of her chair hit the window. She watched as Andy nervously jumped in his seat and she leaned forward to turn on her computer.

“You should have walked, it’s better for you.” Andy said.

“I thought the subway would be cooler for some reason.” she said. “Of course, nothing is cool when you’re stuck between two overweight brothers who are having a great time talking about all the ladies they scored at some club last night.” Pam glanced around her desk towards Phyllis who immediately made a disgusted face and turned back to her computer. “See, Phyllis knows what I’m talking about.”

“Well next time, maybe you should call me and I can give you a lift to work.” Andy said with a grin.

“Andy, you don’t have a car.” both Pam and Phyllis stated without even looking up at him.

“Yes, but I do have a scooter.” Andy stated proudly and he protectively ran his hand over the handlebars of the scooter sitting next to his desk.

“I think I’ll have to pass.” Pam said. “I’m not even sure how two people could ride a scooter…especially that one.”

“You could hop on my back and…”

“Stop right there, Andy.” Pam said holding up her hand. “No. Just…no.”

“Your loss.” he said with a shrug. Pam, uninterested, nodded and pulled out her drawing tablet and plugged it into the computer’s USB drive. Then Andy continued talking, “But sooner or later, one day, you are going to decide that you need a real man, a man who works with you in this very office and offers you scooter rides and sings you folk songs when you’re feeling down. And you know what? You are going to leave that successful James Halpert and you are going to become Pamcasso Bernard.”

Pam refused to make eye contact with him and instead stared intently into her computer screen. She felt too emotional for this. Jim had only been vice president of his company for three months and he had already gone on two week-long business trips far away. Currently, she hadn’t seen Jim in a week – he was in London on business – and she hadn’t spoken to him in two days. Normally she could deal with Andy’s crass remarks about how enamored he was by her, but not this morning. She bit her bottom lip hard, but it couldn’t quell the tears in her eyes and she immediately crumpled over her keyboard and started to cry.

“Andy!” Phyllis immediately scolded. “Look at what you did!” She jumped out of her seat and rounded Pam’s desk and wrapped her arms around Pam’s shoulders.

“I’m sorry.” Pam said, immediately wiping tears away from her cheeks as she tried to compose herself. Andy on the other hand, simply turned back towards his computer and didn’t give another glance in Pam’s direction.

“You should be ashamed of yourself, Andy,” Phyllis said, “making Pam cry like this.”

“I only want to love.” Andy said quietly.

“I’m fine, I’m fine.” Pam said, grabbing a handful of Kleenex from the box that sat next to her computer and started dabbing at her eyes.

“It’s Jim, isn’t it?” Phyllis asked quietly, making certain that Andy couldn’t overhear.

“It’s…so many things.” Pam replied.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Phyllis asked. Pam took a deep breath and looked up across their office space at Andy, who was desperately trying not to make eye contact with the two women on the other side of the room.

“Not…here.” Pam said meeting Phyllis’ eyes again.

“Lunch?” Phyllis asked hopefully.

“Yeah.” Pam replied, nodding. “I know just the place, too.”

***

Pam hadn’t been to The Golden Beet since she had quit working there and went to the publishing company full time. She was delighted to see that it hadn’t changed at all, and that all of the friends that she had made while working there were still around.

“Ohmigod! Pam!” a high-pitched voice exclaimed from somewhere behind the bar. A flurry of pink and brown dashed out from behind the corner of the bar and Pam braced herself for the enormous embrace she was about to receive from Kelly.

“Disobeying Dwight’s dress code?” Pam asked as she looked down at Kelly’s bright pink top.

“Ohmigod, Pam, you have no idea how much I have missed you around here.” Kelly started, Pam’s eyes widened and all she could do was stand there and gape in awe as Kelly continued to speak. “You know how you always used to defend me in front of Dwight and Angela? Well, there’s no one to do that now. Since you left, there have been like, three, no, maybe four different girls that have all come and gone. They can’t handle it! No one can handle this place like you did. You were so awesome. Will you come back?”

“I think…I’m happy with my full time job.” Pam said, she had no idea she had been so missed at The Golden Beet.

“Dwight is going to flip when he sees you,” Kelly continued. “I swear, every single person that he’s hired since you, he’s always comparing them to you.” She quickly lowered her voice to imitate Dwight, “Oh, you’re not doing that like Pam used to. You know what? Pam would have dropped those dishes off over there. Pam wouldn’t have dropped that bowl of soup on the customer!”

“I…I had no idea that Dwight was so fond of me.” Pam said, a little taken aback.

“He loved you, Pam.” Kelly said. “Well, not as much as he loves Angela but…”

“Kelly! Sit the customers at a table!” Angela’s voice called from the back.

“But I’m talking to Pam!” Kelly called back.

“Then talk to her while you seat her!” Angela exclaimed. “We have a business to run here!”

“She’s taken over a lot of Dwight’s worst traits.” Kelly said quietly as she rolled her eyes. Pam pursed her lips together tightly to stifle the laugh that was dying to be released and Kelly escorted Pam and Phyllis to a small booth near the bar.

“Okay, so here are your menus.” Kelly said laying out two large menus – the menus had been redesigned since Pam left, “our lunch special today is a BLT with a small beet salad. Everything on the sandwich and the salad comes from the Schrute Farm. I guess they’re having a good growing season or something. Angela will be with you in a few moments.”

Pam opened up her menu and smiled, not immediately noticing the look that Phyllis was giving her. When she finally looked up from her menu with a contented smile, Phyllis was looking at her with a quizzical look on her face.

“What?” Pam asked, the smile fading a little.

“You used to work here?” Phyllis asked.

“Yes,” Pam replied, “and I will say that it was quite the experience.”

“I can see that already.” Phyllis said, trying to hide her smile.

“I’m sorry, I hope it’s not weird dragging you to the place that I used to work,” Pam said, “it’s just…the people that work here were like family to me. They make me happy.” Phyllis nodded. “And I could really use some happiness right about now.”

Phyllis was just about to open her mouth to speak when Angela appeared at the side of the table, “Pam, are just going to have the usual lemon water?”

“Yes.” she nodded.

“And you?” Angela asked, her gaze trailing over towards Phyllis.

“Water is fine, thanks.” Phyllis replied.

“Okay.” Angela set her hands on the table and leaned forward slightly. “The special today is a BLT with a beet side-salad. Everything is fresh and organic. Our soups today are…”

“Oh my god.” Pam said, catching a glimpse of the diamond ring on Angela’s finger.

“What?” Angela asked.

“Are you…” Pam’s gaze went from Angela’s hand to Angela’s face – back and forth twice. “Are you married?”

“Currently engaged.” Angela said in a tone of voice that almost sounded like she was annoyed by Pam’s inquiry. “We’re getting married next summer.”

“Wait, wait.” Pam said with a grin on her face. “You mean…you and…Dwight?”

“No, the milk man.” Angela said sarcastically. “Yes, Dwight. Dwight and I are getting married. We’re engaged to be married. Are you ready to order?”

“Not quite…” Pam and Phyllis both said simultaneously.

“Okay, then I’ll be back in a few minutes.” Angela said as she quickly turned around and briskly walked back to the kitchen.

“I got to ask, Pam.” Phyllis said. “Who is this Dwight?”

Pam smiled and said, “Short answer, he’s the owner and manager of this restaurant. Long answer? Well, we have our entire lunch break for that.”

***

Towards the end of their lunch together, Pam started to feel bad for Phyllis. This being the first time that Pam had been to The Golden Beet in almost a year made their lunch break the time that Kelly, Angela and Dwight caught up with what was going on in Pam’s life. Pam tried to include Phyllis in the conversation as much as possible, but no matter how hard she tried to redirect the conversation, it kept looping back around to topics that were Pam-specific.

Finally, after the table had been cleared, and they were waiting for their check, Pam and Phyllis had a chance to talk like they had intended to earlier in the day.

“So what’s wrong, Pam?” Phyllis immediately questioned once there was no one within earshot.

“Oh it’s just…” Pam waved her hand around like it was waving away her problems, “hormones. It’s just hormones.”

“Come on, Pam,” Phyllis said, “I use that excuse all the time. We women know it’s not ‘just hormones’.”

Pam sighed and wrinkled her nose as her gaze went towards the spoon still left on the table. She started to absentmindedly play with it, avoiding eye contact with Phyllis as she said, “It’s just…it’s Jim.”

“What about Jim?” Phyllis asked.

“I hate that he’s gone.” Pam replied. “This is his second week-long business trip since he got the promotion in June. I think it’s ridiculous.”

“Oh, I know how you feel,” Phyllis said, nodding, “Bobby is away all the time on business.”

“But he’s usually in New Jersey,” Pam said glumly, “Jim is in London. I can’t just hop on a train and go visit my husband.”

“Well, that’s true.” Phyllis said quietly.

“I just…I just wish he was around more often, you know?” Pam said, looking back up at her co-worker. “We haven’t even been married a year yet, and already, I just feel like we’re drifting apart.”

“It’s the baby problem, isn’t it?” Phyllis asked. Phyllis had become Pam’s female confidant since working at the publishing company and as a result, she usually got quite the earful when it came to Jim and Pam’s attempts to conceive.

“Yes…no…” Pam said, first nodding, and then shaking her head. “And he’s gone all the time.”

“Maybe you just need to put it on hold.” Phyllis said. “I mean, you haven’t even been married a year. Get some time to enjoy your lives together – without any further complications. What would happen if you found out you were pregnant today?”

“There’s no way that would happen.” Pam pouted.

“What if you found out you were pregnant today?” Phyllis repeated.

“I would be…happy.” Pam said.

“Would you?” Phyllis asked. “Would you be happy having Jim a couple thousand miles away when you found out? Would you be happy knowing that during your pregnancy, he would be going on business trips every month?” Pam stared at Phyllis, she had never heard her talk like this before.

“I…I don’t know.” Pam stammered nervously.

“Pam, I don’t know Jim,” Phyllis said quietly, “and he seems like a wonderful man from everything that I’ve heard you say.”

“But…” Pam said, knowing she wasn’t finished.

“But…” and Phyllis stopped herself, “I’m sorry, I really shouldn’t. If you two are ready, then you’re ready.”

“No, what?” Pam asked.

“It’s just…do you ever think that maybe you’re too career-oriented right now for a child?” Phyllis asked. Pam blinked twice, thinking.

“I illustrate children’s books.” Pam replied, feeling a bit of nervousness fluttering in her stomach because she started to think that maybe Phyllis was right.

“And what about Jim?” Phyllis asked kindly.

“He’d be a great father,” Pam said quietly, and then she paused and looked at Phyllis sadly, “if he weren’t vice president of his company.”

Phyllis didn’t immediately respond; she didn’t even nod or shake her head. Pam bit her lower lip as she thought a little bit more. She must have had a look on her face like she was going to cry because immediately, Phyllis’ expression changed and her tone softened.

“I’m really sorry, Pam.” Phyllis said, reaching a hand across the table. “I don’t know what came over me just now.”

“No, no, you’re right.” Pam said shaking her head. “I just don’t want us to miss our opportunity, you know?”

“Your opportunity?” Phyllis asked with a smile. “How old are you? Twenty eight?”

“Twenty nine.” Pam corrected.

“Pam, you still have several years ahead of you.” Phyllis said. “Just have fun! If you get pregnant, you get pregnant. And if you don’t? I’m sure that you’ll have a hell of a good time anyway.” Pam giggled at the comment and smiled up at Angela as she set the bill down on the table.

“Thanks.” Pam said, though she wasn’t sure if it was aimed more towards Phyllis or Angela.

“We should probably get back to the office.” Phyllis said looking down at her wrist watch.

“I wonder if Andy’s back yet.” Pam said as she picked up the bill and her purse.

“I saw him carry in one of his instruments today.” Phyllis said.

“Oh no,” Pam said, shaking her head, “maybe if we can get back before him, I can hide it so I don’t have to endure another weird rendition of ‘Down by the Bay’.”

Phyllis laughed softly and the two women stood up to leave.

“Thank you for going to lunch with me.” Pam said with a smile.

Phyllis smiled warmly at Pam and said, “Anytime."

October 28, 2008

Pam sat in their living room – her laptop on the coffee table and her drawing tablet on her legs. Of all the ways she had planned on spending their first anniversary, this was not one of them. It had been a busy day at work, she had been given two more manuscripts to look over and apparently the modern day Rapunzel she had been asked to illustrate was not up to the standards the author had wanted, so she was redrawing that.

Amazingly though, this was not the worst part of the anniversary. Yes, she had awaken alone that morning, and yes, she had discovered upon waking that it was yet another month that she had not conceived – though they weren’t really trying anymore. The worst part of the day was not the hour long meeting that she had to sit through and it wasn’t the lukewarm frozen dinner that she ate while watching re-runs of Seinfeld. The worst part of this anniversary was that he wasn’t there. The one person that one was supposed to spend their anniversary with wasn’t there – he was stuck at O’Hare, waiting for his flight home to JFK.

Jim had called her an hour earlier, telling her that he had finally found a flight that was open. Apparently Northwest Airlines was having some technical issues on top of weather issues that were plaguing the Midwest. Even if the airlines had been running smoothly, he probably would have missed dinner, and he probably would have been too tired to do anything outrageously special for the day.

She wasn’t upset. She wasn’t sure if she should be surprised by that or not. She wasn’t sad, she wasn’t angry; of course, she wasn’t happy either. She just felt kind of…blank. She hoped that wouldn’t come across in the illustrations that she had been working on all evening; she really wanted to be finished with this Rapunzel book.

***

At nine o’clock, she walked to the kitchen and she made herself some tea. Her stomach wasn’t the happiest part of her body at that moment, and she figured that the tea could quell the rumbling. She walked around to the dining room as she waited for the water to boil and she gingerly touched the petals of the arrangement of roses that sat in the middle of the dining room table. That was one nice thing that Jim had done today – he had sent her roses at work.

She had never really been one to enjoy receiving flowers in the workplace. There was someone who worked down the hall that was always receiving bouquets of flowers and Pam always found it rather irritating. She wasn’t sure if it was because she never received flowers, or if it was just a general idea that she had put in her head that said, “Flowers at work is no good!” She didn’t know who the mysterious bouquet-receiver was who worked in the building or why they received so many flowers, but she and Phyllis certainly had a lot of interesting theories.

When the delivery man showed up in the doorway of her office today with the modest bouquet of roses, she immediately directed him down the hallway – thinking that he was new and had simply stepped in the wrong office. However, when he said her name and held the flowers out towards her, she felt her heart leap inside her chest. Andy, who had been singing, “Happy Anniversary” like a broken record silenced himself for the first time all day as the man set the vase on Pam’s desk.

“Who are they from?” Andy had asked smugly, trying to mask his jealousy for the man who had the woman that he was so enamored by.

Pam had simply looked at him and rolled her eyes and she carefully withdrew the small card from the middle of the bouquet and read Jim’s simple note telling her happy anniversary and how much he missed her.

Unfortunately, the initial high from receiving the bouquet had worn off throughout the day. Now they were just pretty red roses sitting in the middle of their dining room table. Jim still wasn’t home, it was still their anniversary and it would only be their anniversary for a couple more hours.

***

Pam fell asleep on the sofa before eleven. She had put down her drawing tablet and stretched across the couch at ten thirty, thinking that she would give her eyes a break from staring at her computer for so long. Within ten minutes, she had fallen fast asleep.

Jim arrived home at quarter after eleven. He had come through the door rather ceremoniously, thinking that Pam would be working in the living room or doing something in the kitchen. Instead, he heard her soft, sleeping sighs coming from a corner of the sofa.

He quietly closed the door and set his things down then walked to the living room. He peered over the side of the couch and smiled like a little boy who had just discovered a secret surprise.

He tiptoed around to the other side and knelt down onto the floor and brought his face close to hers and kissed her on her forehead. She was immediately startled awake, and literally jumped upright as soon as she felt his lips touch her skin. She sat, frightened, as the room came back into focus and she realized the person who had just kissed her was her husband.

“Hi!” she exclaimed happily.

“I guess you’re not as tired as I thought,” he said with a smile as he rose up off of his knees and sat next to her on the couch.

“No, I am,” she said, “I’m just really happy to finally see you.” She grinned and threw her arms around his shoulders and he allowed her to bury herself against his body.

“I’m so sorry that I’m so late,” he said quietly. “I had so many great plans for today…before that whole trip was thrown in my face. I was going to take you out for this great dinner and we were going to go for a romantic, albeit probably very cold, carriage ride…”

“You don’t have to,” she said as she pressed her fingers against his lips.

“I don’t have to what?” he asked.

“Tell me all the things that we would have done,” she replied, the smile starting to fade away slightly.

“Well, there’s still…what? Thirty minutes left?” he asked, looking down at his wristwatch.

“I don’t really know what we can do in thirty minutes,” she replied. Jim raised his eyebrows suggestively and Pam swatted him on the side of his arm.

“Given the way this day has turned out, that would have to be a lot longer than thirty minutes,” she said, giggling.

“Please tell me you at least got my flowers,” he said.

“You didn’t see them on the table when you came in?” she asked, nodding back towards the dining room table. He followed her gaze and smiled at the red roses sitting in the dining room.

“Wonderful,” he said nodding. “Okay, but that’s not your only present! It’s our first anniversary and that means that I have to give you…” he started to dig through his pockets, “paper!” He pulled out a small package wrapped in pink and white paper and held it out towards Pam in the palm of his hand.

“Thank you!” she exclaimed taking it from him.

“And I know, I know,” he continued, “it’s supposed to be paper…but frankly, I think paper is kind of a crappy present to give to the woman that you’re madly in love with. And, well, I’ve already screwed up enough today, so paper is only the outer present.”

Pam smiled and nodded and opened up the small paper parcel to find a gold necklace inside.

“It’s lovely,” she said quietly as her fingers just barely touched the thin gold chain.

“I thought about getting you something really big,” he explained, “but I know that you like simple jewelry, so…I hope you like it.”

“I love it,” she said as her fingers hooked around the chain and she pulled it up out of the paper wrapping. The pendant of gold and a pink pearl dropped down towards her lap and Pam smiled.

“Oh good,” he said taking the necklace from her and undoing the clasp. “So what did you get for me?”

“What makes you think that you got anything?” Pam asked with a smile as she leaned forward as Jim wrapped the necklace around her neck.

“Ooh, sharp,” he replied with a wink.

“It’s upstairs,” she said as she gathered up her hair and pulled it over the gold chain.

“Oh? Upstairs?” he asked suggestively.

“Not what you’re thinking,” she replied. “Unlike you, I stuck with the first anniversary rules of paper.”

“I got you paper!” he insisted. “It just came with bonus gifts inside!” She giggled and stood up, holding her hand out towards him.

“I guess my present is more of something for the both of us,” she said as she walked towards the stairs.

“Oh, I see how you play things here,” he said as he followed.

The two of them rounded the stairs and stepped inside of the bedroom, and Pam pointed towards the window which faced the general direction of Central Park.

“A new painting!” Jim exclaimed as he crossed the room and walked up to the new painting hanging on the wall next to the window.

“It’s a little more abstract than my usual landscapes,” Pam said quietly as she walked into the room and sat on the edge of the bed. “I figured that if I drew it too realistic it would look too much like a hotel painting.”

“It’s where…it’s where we were married,” Jim said smiling at the watercolor painting of Cherry Hill in autumn. And Pam was right; it wasn’t like her usual landscapes. A lot of the time when she painted a landscape, she drew it as realistically as she could. One could find the branches in the trees, and she made sure to include as many little details as possible. This was more fluid. The trees were dots of orange, red, yellow and tan, the pond in the center of the painting was a large blob of blue amongst the colorful trees and the green lawns. The buildings that rose in the distance weren’t drawn in any detail at all, and were simply large, gray structures that rose above the treetops.

“It is,” she said with a nervous smile. “Do you like it?”

“I love it,” he said turning his gaze back towards Pam. “It’s so…it’s different than your usual watercolors.”

“I know, I kind of took a risk with it,” she said quietly. It was no secret that abstract art had not been her forte during school, but for some reason, Jim was able to bring out that side of her. With him on her mind, she could create amazing pieces of art.

“It’s beautiful,” he said, taking a seat on the bed next to her.

“Thank you,” she said, leaning against his shoulder and closing her eyes.

“I missed you,” he said and he kissed the top of her head.

“I missed you too,” she said, looking up into his eyes. “Andy kept singing ‘Happy Anniversary’ to me today. All I could think was how badly I wanted you to come in and rescue me.”

“I’m sorry it took me so long to get home,” he said.

“Well, you’re here now,” she said, “that’s what’s important.”

“Absolutely,” he said. He bent his head low and kissed her softly on the lips.

“So you’re going to be around for a while, right?” she boldly asked. He didn’t answer and instead kissed her again, a little deeper this time. She pulled away and persisted, “Jim…”

“They want me to go to Dallas next week,” he said, swooping down towards her lips, only to make contact with her cheek instead as she ducked away.

“Dallas?” she asked. “For how long?”

“A couple days,” he replied. “Can we talk about this later?” He looked over at the clock on the bedside table, there were only ten minutes left in their anniversary.

“Why can’t you just tell them no?” she asked, she looked in his eyes – hers were pleading.

“It doesn’t…I don’t…it doesn’t work like that,” he replied.

“And leaving me constantly for several days at a time does?” she asked sadly.

“I don’t leave you constantly,” he replied.

“You’re gone at least one week out of every month,” she said flatly.

“I…” he stammered and looked at her, his forehead tightly knit.

“Jim,” she said firmly, “I didn’t marry you so that you would be gone all the time. I married you so I could be with you all the time…or, maybe not all the time, but you know what I mean.” He didn’t respond so she continued, “And you took this promotion because it was a great opportunity but…but it’s not. Maybe it’s a great personal opportunity, but when you have someone else in your life it’s just…” she sighed and looked down into her lap, “horrible.”

There was a long, deafeningly silent pause before Jim finally spoke, “What do you want me to do?” It was quiet and it sounded more like a plea than a question.

Pam looked back into his eyes again and smiled weakly. There were so many things that she wanted to say. If she hadn’t been the woman she was maybe she would have told him to step down from his position because deep down, she knew that if he wasn’t the vice president he would be around more often. She didn’t feel like she could tell him that though so instead, she simply said, “I don’t know,” because she really didn’t.

January 20, 2009

Finally, their marriage was starting to feel normal. After Jim had nearly missed their anniversary, he had decided that enough was enough. He wouldn’t give up his position of vice president of the company, but he was able to finally negotiate a better way to deal with traveling for business. Since November, he had only gone on one “week long” business trip – though it was to Madrid, Spain, and it had turned into more of a week and a half when he finally struck up a deal with the businesses there. A lot of the other trips he would have gone on, he was able to send Michael or Ryan, who were more than willing to take advantage of the trips that they would otherwise never go on themselves. He passed up a month long trip to Australia during the month of December because he knew that Pam would have thrown a fit if he had gone. Instead, the two of them enjoyed the Christmas holidays together and went to Pennsylvania to visit Pam’s mother.

However, after returning back to work after the New Year, he had kind of wished that he had gone. He had enjoyed his position as vice president of the company – with the exception of the many business trips – and really, he had thought he was set for life. That was, until Karen returned. He had never worked with her before, and he enjoyed that immensely for all the obvious reasons. Unfortunately, 2009 had other plans for Jim Halpert, and they involved Karen trying to get her old job back in any way possible.

 

It was Jim’s first day back to work after he spent the weekend in Chicago – with Pam. He had gone to a meeting on Friday with one of their affiliate companies, and the rest of the weekend had been theirs. They went to the Art Institute all day Saturday, had a romantic dinner on Saturday night. Then Sunday, they went to the Shedd Aquarium just for fun before they returned home to New York. On Monday, Jim had taken a personal day off of work – as did Pam – and they spent the entire morning curled up in bed together. Once they finally rose and showered – together – they headed off for a late lunch at The Golden Beet. All in all, it had been a great weekend, and now…well, now Jim was back at work and he only wished that he could be back home.

His wish to be at home and in bed only intensified when there was a loud knock on his door. He looked up from his designs he had been working on for Virgin Mobile and tried not to groan audibly as he saw Karen walk through his door.

“Hey Halpert.” she said with a grin as she walked into his office as if it was hers. She quickly crossed the room and sat herself down in one of the large chairs across from where he sat.

“Well, well, it’s about time you returned to work.” he said, trying to avoid eye-contact with her. “You’re about two weeks late.”

“Michael allowed it.” she said with a shrug.

“So how’s the baby?” he asked, and he looked up, against his better judgment.

“Oh, he’s a little shithead.” Karen replied with a menacing chuckle. Jim’s eyes widened, and he quickly averted his gaze from her. “He cries all the time, he’s a constant nuisance to my other kid, Julian. And on top of all that, he made me fat, so I have that to try and work off.”

Again, against his better judgment, Jim looked towards Karen and his eyes looked her up and down – quickly – once. “You look great.” he said, dully and he hoped that she didn’t take it too earnestly.

“Well, I have been going to the gym every single day.” she said, leaning forward and propping her chin on her hands. “You know, I usually run about ten miles a day.”

“Ten miles?” he thought to himself, his gaze traveling back to his computer and he absentmindedly checked his e-mail.

“So what are you working on?” Karen asked, cocking her head to the side. Jim immediately stopped what he was doing and realized that she was different. There was something markedly different about her. Yes, she still had a sarcastic air about her, and he was pretty certain that deep down inside she was still pure evil but…she was different. She was smiling around him – around him – he hadn’t seen her smile a genuine smile in several years.

“I…uh…I’m sorry, what?” he asked, turning towards her yet again.

“What are you working on?” she asked. When she asked the question again she didn’t have the tone of voice that sounded like she was saying, “God, I can’t believe you didn’t hear me the first time.”

“Oh, it’s…they’re some mock-ups for Virgin Mobile.” he replied, spreading the three posters that were sitting in front of him out in front of her. “I have a meeting with them tomorrow. I think that I’m finished, but who knows.”

“I like them.” Karen said, nodding as she carefully looked them over.

“What?” Jim asked.

“I like them.” she repeated. “They’re all really good, except…except this one…” she pointed to the one of the right.

“What’s wrong with that one?” he asked, it had been his favorite.

“Not sexy enough.” she replied.

“Excuse…what?” he asked.

“It’s just, before the companies merged, I had an account with Virgin Mobile.” she replied. “They like to appear to be this hip company for young people and…they like a lot of sex in their advertisements.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever…” Jim began.

Karen cut him off, “Jim, this is going to be in Times Square…probably. I know what the CEO likes and, well, let’s face it. Sex sells.”

“But the others aren’t…” Jim started to say as he pointed to the others.

“The others are plenty sexy.” she said pointing to them. “This one has a bunch of thin women dancing together in a club. Sexy. This one, this one has two guys and a girl together in an apartment together and the girl is on her phone. Is she calling a friend? Is she setting up the other guy with someone? Are they going to have a threesome? It’s sexy. This one though?” Karen pointed to the poster on the far right again, “This is just a girl who’s standing in front of a backdrop of the city. There’s nothing sexy about that. She’s alone, she just has her phone…it’s too simple. She comes off looking like a spinster.”

“A spinster?” Jim asked, holding back his laughter. “I think she’s pretty far off from that…”

“Just...just trust me.” Karen replied. “I know what these people want.”

“Yeah,” he said, nodding, “okay.” He gathered up the posters and pulled them close to him again. “I’ll uh…I’ll work on them some more, I guess.”

“Sounds great.” she said with a genuine smile. He was shocked, drawn back by this friendly Karen.

“So I should.” he said as he waved towards his computer and the posters, “work and all.”

“Oh, of course.” she said and she stood up.

“It’s um…nice to have you back.” he said, and he had to try not to cringe as he said it because “nice to have you back” was probably the last thought on his mind at the moment.

“It’s nice to be back, Halpert.” she said as she turned around and started walking towards the door. “Oh, and Jim…” she stopped in the doorway and turned to face him again.

“Yeah, Karen?” he asked.

“No hard feelings.” she replied.

“Oh…okay.” he said as he watched her leave his office.

He turned to his computer and opened up the e-mail that he had received over the weekend from the people at Virgin Mobile to confirm what he had been thinking throughout his entire conversation with Karen. Right in the e-mail it read, “No overtly sexy advertisements! No romantic settings! Social settings (bars, clubs, parties, etc) are fine. Solitary persons in mock-ups preferred.”

The account with Virgin Mobile wouldn’t have been enough for him to lose his job – even if it did have the potential for Times Square. However, losing it would have certainly put a lot of added pressure on him for the next big account that they received and everyone in the company knew that the next big account was the New York City Department of Public Transportation.

He would have been angrier at Karen if he knew what exactly was going on. She was being nice to him, which completely threw him off. There had been no evil glares in his direction and there had been no exasperated sighs. In the past that would have been a very welcome relief but now…now it just perturbed him even further. He had no doubts that she would be harboring some resentment towards him – for everything, really. Though the real fact of the matter was that he still had her old job, and he was certain that she wasn’t going to stop with simply telling him to go a completely different direction than their clients actually wanted. If he knew anything about Karen – and he had known her for a good number of years – he knew that if she wanted something, she was willing to put up a fight for it. He could be ready to fight too.

April 16, 2009

Pam wasn’t usually one to take a long lunch break. She enjoyed what she did, and a long lunch break on most days would mean time spent away from her illustrations. As many times as her hand cramped up while she was drawing, and the number of times she nearly went cross-eyed from staring at the computer screen, she liked what she did and she easily spent every single day doing it.

That was, until today. It was a warm, April day. Flowers were springing up out of window boxes and the trees along the streets were starting to bud and bloom. If there was any day that was perfect for a picnic, this was it.

Jim had left early in the morning for work – he had some meeting that he had to be at first thing, and he needed time to prepare. She really hadn’t listened all that closely, because when he told her about it all she was still mostly asleep in their bed. She remembered hearing the names Michael and Karen and she had been pretty sure there was some mention of a trip, but she couldn’t really be certain.

What she had been certain of, was the prospect of a picnic in the park. She figured it would be the perfect event to make him forget about his morning of meetings; and any way that she could see him in the middle of the day and have some brief moments of romance was a convincing enough reason for her.

She didn’t know why she had a picnic basket – or maybe it was his, which prompted the question why even further – but she was glad that she did. Before leaving for work, she threw together a couple bottles of water, a Tupperware container of salad from their dinner night before and box of Oreo cookies for good measure. She would get sandwiches on the way to pick up Jim, she didn’t want the meat and cheese in them getting too warm as they sat under her desk all morning.

She happily headed off to work in her springy dress and her pink cardigan. She couldn’t wait to see Andy’s face when he asked about the picnic basket and she would announce that she was surprising her husband with a romantic lunch in the park. Today would be the day she finally took that extra long lunch break.

***

She was amazed by how different the atmosphere was between the building that she worked in and the building that Jim worked in. They were both large, steel structures, but whenever she walked into Jim’s building she felt cold. The people were more professional, more business-like. When she walked through the lobby wearing a blue dress and pink cardigan – and a picnic basket in her arm no less – she felt rather underdressed and foolish.

She stepped into the elevator with a businessman and woman who were both dressed like they worked for the FBI or CIA. They were both dressed in black pants, black jacket and crisp, white, button-up shirts. The man wore an immaculate black tie and the woman had her hair pulled back so tight it looked downright painful.

“Hi.” Pam said, to neither of them in particular, and immediately she knew that she was breaking every last code of elevator ethic. She immediately looked back down towards her hands and rocked back and forth on her heels until she heard the ding of the elevator and she looked up.

She stepped forward and glanced back at the man and woman who stood cold-faced and Pam quickly stepped out of the elevator and started walking towards Jim’s office. Apparently working in a cold environment made a person frigid to everyone else around them.

She walked down the long hallway. He had changed offices when he had received the promotion to vice president. He had been sad when he moved, but the new office he was in was on a corner and therefore had a spectacular view of the city. Pam had only visited him in the new office once, but when she did, she had felt a little less arrogant about the small window next to her desk in her own work office.

“I just…not right now.” she heard Jim say from the other side of his door. She knocked timidly as she heard someone approaching. She was about to knock again – a little stronger this time around, when the door flew open and Karen just about ran into Pam.

“Pam!” Karen exclaimed, surprised. Her eyes were wide and her mouth dropped open. There was something about her face that Pam couldn’t quite place. She almost looked guilty of something, or maybe it was just smugness, she wasn’t sure. Pam looked over Karen’s shoulder at Jim, who was sitting at his desk, staring at his computer screen – or maybe out the window.

“Hi Karen.” Pam said with half a smile on her face. She had never felt the desire to actual display any sort of happiness towards the woman, but her naturally cordial personality forced herself to at least display some sort of formality and forced amicability whenever Karen was around.

Karen didn’t say a word in response. She simply pushed Pam aside and her shoulder hit the door as Karen quickly brushed past her.

“What was that about?” Pam asked quietly as she took a step inside of Jim’s office.

“She’s…” Jim looked up and for the first time realized that Pam was standing in his doorway. “Pam!”

“Hi.” she said with a grin as she swung the picnic basket around her back. He quickly stood up from his desk and walked to her.

“What are you doing here? And why aren’t you working right now?” he asked. She smiled and stood up on her tiptoes and planted a small kiss on his lips.

“I thought it might be fun to…go out.” she replied, swinging the picnic basket back around in front of her. “I was thinking something like a picnic in the park.”

“You’re so pretty!” he exclaimed, as if he hadn’t heard what she had just said.

“Thank you!” she gasped as she set the basket down on the floor and did a bit of a half turn in the doorway.

“Is that a new dress?” he asked.

“Nah, I’ve had it for a while.” she replied. “So! Picnic, park, you, me…what do you say?”

“I say that I grab my coat and we go to the park.” he said with a huge grin.

“Yay!” she exclaimed as she hopped up on one foot in excitement, and then bent over to pick the basket up from the floor.

“One question.” he said as he pulled his jacket off the back of his chair.

“Only one.” she teased.

“Where did you get a picnic basket?” he asked.

“Honestly,” she replied, “I have no idea. I just found it in the kitchen.”

***

She spread a small blanket across the grass and immediately dropped to her knees.

“Since when do you ever take long lunch breaks?” Jim asked as he joined her on the blanket and sat eagerly in front of the picnic basket.

“Since today.” she replied with a sweet smile as she opened up the top of the basket and pulled out all the things that she had placed inside earlier that morning. She sat a bottle of water in front of Jim and she sat one in front of herself. She placed the salad towards an edge of the blanket and she allowed Jim to see the very small glimpse of the box of Oreos as she pulled out three sandwiches.

“Three sandwiches?” he asked. “You hungry?”

“Well, one of them is for me, and the other two are for you to choose from.” she replied as she took out a sandwich and placed it in front of her.

“Two? You spoil me so.” he said with a smile.

“You have your choice of ham and cheese or tuna salad.” she said holding up to wrapped sandwiches for him to choose from.

“First ham and cheese.” he said grabbing the sandwich on the right. “I may come back for Mr. Tuna though.” Pam smiled and handed him the ham and cheese sandwich. Immediately, he peeled off the top slice of bread and Pam did the same with hers. One by one, he peeled off each tomato, each leaf of lettuce and the fluff of sprouts that sat on top of the cheese and placed each of them on Pam’s open sandwich.

“I don’t know why you always get me all these extra vegetables.” Jim said as he sprinkled the fluffy sprouts over the open sandwich.

“Because I like them,” she said, “and the place that I get these sandwiches are always really stingy with extra vegetables.”

“Stingy?” he asked.

“They like to charge me extra for a couple more tomato slices or a little more lettuce.” she replied. “Why pay for the extra veggies when I can just put them on your sandwich and get them for free?”

“Good point.” he said with a smile.

“So how is work treating you today?” Pam asked before she took a massive bite of her turkey and cheese.

“How do you think?” he asked before he opened his own mouth to take a bite of his sandwich.

“I don’t know, that’s why I asked you.” she replied with a smile as she tried to quickly chew and swallow all the food in her mouth. He shook his head at her as he watched her struggle with the mouthful of turkey, vegetables and cheese. “What?”

“Did your mother ever teach you not to speak with your mouth full of food?” he teased.

She covered her mouth with her hand quickly and repeated, “How is work treating you today?”

He laughed and shook his head, “Not now, Pam. Not now. This is a happy place.”

***

As their lunch progressed, Pam noticed that Jim became quieter and quieter. He certainly seemed to be happy to be out in Central Park, eating lunch out on the grass, but she could tell that there was something bugging him in the back of his mind. He slowly chewed on his Oreo cookies and she finally spoke up.

“I’m sorry I didn’t bring any milk.” she said as she watched him slowly licking the white cream off of the center of the cookie.

“What?” he asked.

“Milk,” she replied, “I’m sorry that I didn’t bring any…for the cookies.”

“Oh.” he said, looking down at the cookie in his hand as if he had just realized it was there all the sudden. “Oh, no, it’s not that.”

“What’s bothering you, then?” she asked as she started to pack some of the things into the basket again.

“It’s…I have to go on another trip.” Jim said shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I tried to get out of going, I really did.”

Pam’s face fell, “Oh.” she said with a slow nod of her head.

“But that’s not entirely all that’s bothering me.” he said, shaking his head some more.

“What is it, then?” she asked.

“I’m…I’m not going to be alone on the trip.” he replied quietly and with a careful tone of voice.

“Oh?” Pam asked.

“No…uh…” Jim replied, he handed her the box of Oreos and she placed them inside the basket. “Karen is coming with me.”

“What?” Pam asked, dropping the lid of the basket quickly.

“I tried to get someone else to come instead.” he explained. “That was what my meeting was about this morning and…I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

“Don’t go.” Pam immediately said, and she hoped that she didn’t come off sounding as strict as she had sounded in her mind. She fully trusted Jim. Karen on the other hand…

“I don’t really have a choice.” he said. “I’m the only one…other than Karen, that has worked with this company in the past.”

“Then maybe just Karen should go.” Pam said.

“They need two people.” Jim said glumly. He was looking down into his lap now, afraid to meet Pam’s gaze.

“Jim, I don’t want you going with her.” Pam said shaking her head.

“You think that I want to go with her?” Jim asked incredulously. “I did everything short of begging my co-workers!”

Pam fell silent, and now it was her turn to look down in her lap and avoid eye contact with Jim. She nervously fidgeted with the hem of her dress and bit hard on her bottom lip to suppress the tears building from within.

“Where are you going?” she asked quietly, barely above a whisper.

“London.” he replied. She made a whimpering noise in the back of her throat and her eyes stung.

“When?” she asked.

“In about a month.” he replied.

“For how long?” she asked.

“Two weeks.” he replied.

She woefully nodded and took a deep breath. Finally, she wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand and brought her head up to meet his gaze again.

“I’m so sorry.” he said quietly.

“You know, London is where she cheated on you.” she said.

“I’m not going to do that to you, Pam.” he stated as sincerely as he could. Pam quickly looked down in her lap again and took a couple of quick breaths before she felt the tips of Jim’s fingers underneath her chin and he lifted her head to meet his eyes. His face was marked with genuine concern and she tried to smile.

Jim added, “I could never, ever do that to you.” His hand trailed down the side of her neck and she nodded once.

“She might try to get you to though.” she said as she quickly ran the edge of her hand along one of her eyelids to stop a stray tear from rolling down her cheek.

“I won’t let her.” he said as he sat on his knees and inched closer to her.

“You’re going to owe me for this trip.” she said with half a smile on her face.

“I know.” he said as he quickly pulled her into his arms and held her close to his body.

May 31, 2009

Pam sat nervously on the couch in their living room. She was expecting Jim to be home any minute now. He had been gone for two weeks – two excruciatingly long weeks. She was nervous about what had happened in his absence. She hadn’t received as many phone calls as she would have liked. He had mentioned very little of Karen, which she both appreciated and hated because she wasn’t certain if he had been hiding anything from her.

Pam kind of felt like she was hiding something from him too, but that would be resolved when he arrived home. All she could do at this point was nervously sit and wait.

***

Jim left for London on a Sunday evening. As he left, Pam begged him one more time not to go. She didn’t actually feel any bad premonitions about the trip; she just didn’t want him going. She didn’t know Karen that well, but Pam had heard stories from Jim about the way she behaved around him. Pam had never been the jealous girlfriend, jealous fiancé or jealous wife, but as a woman, she knew all the signs of an ex-wife trying to get back at an ex-husband. After all of the bad stories that Pam had heard about Karen, she was confident there was no way Jim would so much as touch Karen again – it was Karen’s behavior that Pam was worried about.

Pam received a phone call early, early Monday morning immediately after Jim had arrived at the hotel in London. He had told her that he hadn’t yet seen Karen – they apparently had not taken the same flight – and that he was going to sleep for a couple of hours before his first meeting. He apologized for calling so early and waking her up, told her that he loved her, and that was the last she heard from him for two days.

***

Jim knew that Karen was trying to find a way to bring him down. He had known it since January. The first time she stepped into his office and offered him erroneous advice about his mock-ups for Virgin Mobile, he knew that she was plotting something. However, as time went on, he started to wonder if she was trying to sabotage his job, his marriage or both.

It was their second day in London that he realized it might be both.

The two of them were in meetings almost non-stop throughout their entire trip, and they would have a four day weekend in the middle of the two weeks. The first meeting they had with their clients was a small, private dinner at one of London’s finest restaurants the Monday that they were both supposed to arrive.

Jim waited for Karen at the hotel up until the very last minute. When she didn’t show, he left without her, figuring that she had gone to the restaurant on her own. She wasn’t at the restaurant either and consequently, she didn’t make it to the dinner meeting. It was a poor start.

He half expected for her not to even show up to their meeting on Tuesday – or maybe he just really hoped that she had decided at the last minute not to show up. Truthfully though, Jim needed Karen there with him for business purposes. She was a valuable asset to their company on this trip and Jim desperately hoped that she hadn’t simply decided not to show up without telling him. He wasn’t quite sure what he would do if that was the case.

 

He breathed a sigh of relief as he saw her rush down the hallway and she pushed herself through the glass doors leading into the meeting room.

“I’m so sorry, my plane was delayed.” Karen said rushing into the room and throwing her briefcase near an empty seat. “Then once I finally got here, I couldn’t get a cab for whatever reason…” she flashed an evil smile in Jim’s direction. “I’m sorry I’m late.” She fell into the seat next to Jim and released her breath – it sounded like she had been holding it in for the past minute.

Jim looked nervously at the table of businessmen around them, and then looked towards Karen.

“Gentlemen,” he said, shooting a sideways glance towards Karen, “this is my business partner, Karen Filippelli.” He would have thought that would have introduced herself right off the bat.

“Nice to meet you all.” Karen said nodding overenthusiastically.

“So Ms. Filippelli, I trust that you have brought your models with you this morning?” one of the men on the other side of the table asked.

“My what?” Karen asked. Jim immediately shot her a seething glance.

“Your models.” the man replied. Karen only replied with a blank stare. “The models which we are to be discussing this morning.”

“I wasn’t told to have any models with me.” Karen said shaking her head. Her hand immediately went to her chest as if she were shocked by her own actions. Jim knew better. He watched her carefully out of the corner of his eye – all the while cursing himself for not having a back-up plan. He should have seen this coming from a mile away. Karen was the only woman attending their meetings; of course she was going to play the ditzy female in front of everyone else.

His gaze immediately shot to the window when he realized what she had done while her hand was at her chest. As she pulled her hand away, he realized that she had undone two buttons on her blouse, barely putting forth any effort at all. As her hand returned to her lap, the gaze of the man sitting across from her immediately went to her chest.

“Oh god…” Jim thought to himself, making a conscious effort not to roll his eyes at Karen’s pathetic attempts to escape unscathed from this business meeting. He flashed another seething glance towards her and couldn’t help but let his eyes wander down towards the fabric of her shirt that she had pushed apart. And she was wearing a push-up bra…

“She has nothing compared to Pam.” he thought and immediately, he wanted to kick himself in the shins for even thinking about the breasts of his ex-wife sitting next to him.

“We can let it go this time, Ms. Filippelli,” the man said, his eyes barely rising above Karen’s neckline, “but we expect that you’ll have your models ready to show up by tomorrow evening.”

“Not a problem, sir.” she said with a nod and an obviously fake smile.

The men seated around the table continued to discuss what they could without the materials Karen was supposed to bring and Jim silently fumed, tuning out most of the conversation surrounding him.

“Where the hell have you been?” Jim hissed without regard to what was being said around him.

“I told you, my flight was delayed.” Karen whispered.

“Yeah, did you delay it?” he scoffed.

“No, it was actually delayed.” she said.

“And the models?” he asked under his breath.

“Just trust me.” she replied.

***

Trusting Karen was the last thing that Jim was going to do. He held his own through most the rest of the week. Amazingly, Karen did come through with the models that she was supposed to provide that Tuesday, and she had even been somewhat charming during a casual dinner meeting that they had on Wednesday night. Just when he was about to let his guard down around her on Thursday, she presented every opportunity for him to throw it back up.

The day started out fine. She was professional, she was prepared, she even supported all of the ideas that Jim presented to the businessmen. When the evening rolled around though, she had taken it upon herself to invite people to a dinner – no business involved. Unfortunately for Jim, he didn’t realize that he had been the only person invited until it was too late.

 

He met her in a small French restaurant in a trendy part of the city. He was dressed casually for the first time all week and when he couldn’t find her at the restaurant, he opted for a seat at the bar and waited for her to arrive.

He knew from having been married to her that she was usually late. Sometimes fashionably late, sometimes just late; this evening, she was late. He had already finished his second pint of beer when he felt two small hands on his shoulders and warm breath against the back of his neck.

“Sorry I’m so late.” she purred against his ear. He jolted forward, nearly knocking over his glass and twisted around to meet her gaze.

“Where’s everyone else?” he asked.

“What do you mean everyone else?” she asked in reply.

“I mean…” he stopped himself and his eyes briefly glanced toward the ceiling. He exhaled in a frustrated sigh and quietly realized, “There is no one else, is there?”

“Nope.” she said shaking her head. “Come on, I reserved a table for us earlier.”

“Where the hell have you been?” he asked.

“I’m always fashionably late,” she replied, “you know that, Halpert.”

“This isn’t fashionable.” he said curtly. “You’re just late.”

They walked towards the dining room and the host from the door led them to the table that Karen had reserved. It was a dimly lit dining room – quite intimate, really. The area was sectioned off by dark blue glass, and the only light throughout the room was the flickering candlelight on the tabletops and the very dim glow of a starlight motif on the ceiling.

“This is my favorite restaurant in London.” she said as she opened her menu and leaned forward slightly. The collar of her low-cut dress dropped forward, giving Jim a picture-perfect view of her cleavage. He cleared his throat nervously and his eyes dropped down to his own menu.

“Why did you only ask me to dinner?” he asked, squinting his eyes to get a better look at the menu in front of him.

“Why do you think, Halpert?” she asked happily.

“I…I really have no idea.” he replied.

“I thought it might be nice to just have a casual dinner with you.” she said, shrugging.

“You’re not really dressed casually.” he said quietly, avoiding eye contact with any part of her body.

“You like my dress?” she asked sitting up straight and pushing out her chest slightly.

“It’s lovely.” he replied, not looking up.

“This is the restaurant where Kevin and I had our first date.” she said wistfully, reaching her hand across the table and running her fingers against Jim’s. He quickly pulled his hand into his lap and flashed a dangerous glance towards her.

“So this is where you first cheated on me then.” he said.

“No, no, this was where we had our first date.” she said, “I did other things…before…never mind.” Jim’s breath was quick and he could feel his face becoming hot.

“So how is Kevin?” Jim asked, trying to keep the conversation as innocent as possible.

“I don’t know,” Karen replied with a shrug, “we’ve been separated for about a month now.”

“What?” Jim asked, looking up suddenly.

“Well that certainly caught your attention.” Karen said with a wry smile.

“I just…I didn’t know.” Jim stammered.

“Yeah,” she said, “I’m not sure if we’re actually going to get a divorce but…I wanted to have a little bit of fun.”

“With me.” Jim stated.

“You’re so much more attractive than he is, Jim.” she said.

“I’m also married,” he said, “quite happily, unlike you are – or were.”

“I was thinking,” she said, ignoring his previous statement, “since we have this four day weekend and Paris is only a few hours away…”

“No.” Jim said firmly.

“I think we should go.” Karen said quietly, leaning forward again.

“No.” Jim said again.

“It could be just like our honeymoon.” Karen said, running her fingers down her neck and the flat plane of her chest.

“No.”

“You could feed me strawberries.” Karen purred. “You could lick…”

“I can’t take this.” Jim said, quickly closing his menu and placing his palms firmly on the table.

“Oh come on, Halpert!” Karen exclaimed, causing several other people seated in the dining room to look towards the two of them.

“Come on, yourself, Karen.” Jim said. “I hate you and you hate me. It’s no secret. As a matter of fact, I think it’s pretty blatantly obvious. I don’t want to be here with you. I don’t know if you somehow thought that maybe I want to be here, but I can tell you right now without any reservations that I don’t. I did just about everything within my power not to come here, especially with you.” She stared at him wide-eyed.

“Wow, if you were like this back when…” she said.

“And you know what? While I’m being perfectly honest with you here, I hate waking up every day and thinking that Pam is my second wife,” he said, “because as far as I’m concerned, she’s the only woman that I have ever really, really loved. You? Marrying you was just a horrible mistake.” She opened her mouth to say something, but nothing came out so he continued, “If I could pack up and leave London right now, I would. But since I can’t, I’m going to have a pleasant weekend alone in the United Kingdom, and I’m not going to think about you once.”

“I…” she stammered and watched in silence as Jim pushed himself away from the table and stood.

“I’m leaving.” he said. “I hope you have a nice dinner.”

***

Jim had a very pleasant weekend – alone. He traveled to a few of the major tourist attractions in London, but spent most of the weekend in his hotel room wishing that Pam was there with him – maybe the next time he took a long business trip she might be able to come.

The second week of the trip was a bit awkward, but Karen didn’t make any further moves on Jim and she dressed conservatively during their business meetings. It didn’t seem that she was trying to sabotage him, but she was noticeably colder towards him whenever they were forced to interact with one another for business purposes.

By the end of the week, Jim was ready to return home and completely forget about anything that had to do with advertising. All he wanted to do was curl up with Pam in their bed and fall asleep to the sounds of New York City.

***

Pam lay on the sofa and covered her legs with the afghan that her mother had knit her earlier that winter. She turned on the television and flipped through the stations until she landed on Food Network. She wasn’t wild about a lot of their programming, but the show that was airing kept showing tantalizing images of fresh summer fruit and she couldn’t help herself.

She grabbed the small paper bag from the table and held it close to her chest and her knees bounced. She needed Jim to get home now. He had recently called from the airport, so she knew that he would be home before too long. Still, she hadn’t seen him in two weeks – it felt like two months.

 

She dozed off somewhere between the show with the summer fruit and a show about a cookie bake-off. She was jolted from her dreamy haze when she heard the door open. She shot up from her reclined position and looked up over the back of the couch.

“You’re home!” she exclaimed, sleepily and happily.

“I am.” he said dropping his bags next to the door and rushing over towards the sofa. He stood at the back of the couch and wrapped his arms around her shoulders and tried to pull her close to him – except the large cushions covering the back of the couch made things a little difficult and he couldn’t pull her as close as he wanted. He pulled away just slightly and brought his lips to hers and she sensed an intensity that she hadn’t felt from him in a while.

“Missed me?” she asked and she slowly pulled away.

“You have no idea.” he replied as he leaned in towards her again and brought his lips against hers again.

She let out a sigh, a giggle, or something in between the two and heard the crinkle of paper in her lap.

“You’re trembling.” he noticed.

“Sorry.” she said meekly.

“Is something wrong?” he asked. He walked around towards the front of the couch and sat on the edge of the coffee table. Pam reclined again, her fist closed tightly around the paper bag in her lap.

“Not really.” she replied. “I don’t think so.”

“What’s in the bag?” he asked nodding towards her hand. He leaned forward, elbows on his knees and his hand stretched forward to the side of Pam’s face and he softly ran his fingers along Pam’s jaw.

“I missed you so much.” she said in a breathy sigh.

“What’s in the bag?” he asked again.

“Oh, right.” she said. She turned onto her side and gave Jim the crinkled brown bag.

“A present? For me?” he teased.

“Something like that.” she said. Her hand remained over the side of the couch as he took the paper bag from her – her arm was shaking.

“Seriously, are you okay?” he asked, stilling her arm with his hand.

“I will be.” she replied nodding towards the bag. “Open it.”

He smiled and nodded as he peeled open the bag and he froze as he looked inside.

“Really?” he asked nervously.

“Maybe.” she shrugged. “I’ve had this feeling for the past week or so. I just…I wanted to wait until you came home, so you could be here.”

She bit her fingernail and tried to hold back her smile as he pulled the unused pregnancy test that she had purchased earlier in the week from its paper bag.

June 5, 2009

Pam walked out of the bathroom that morning, clouded in a nervous euphoria. She still couldn’t believe what she had seen – five times.

“I don’t know why we’re wasting our money on these.” Pam said handing Jim the fifth pregnancy test that she had taken in the past week.

“I want to be sure.” he said with a smile as he took the stick from her.

“I think that we were sure after the second one.” Pam said as she walked past him to the kitchen. He grinned like a little boy as he looked down at the digital “Pregnant” written in the display box of the test. He could have her take five more and still feel the same exact rush that he had gotten from the first positive test.

Jim looked up to see Pam standing at the counter with a small container of something in front of her.

“What are you eating?” he asked.

“Whipped cream.” she replied as she grabbed a spoon from the drawer.

“Is that really healthy?” he teased.

“What isn’t healthy about it?” she asked with a smile as she picked the container from the counter to read the nutritional facts listed on the side. “Let’s see here…it’s low in calories, there’s no trans fats, it’s low in carbohydrates…oh, oh, it doesn’t have any calcium in it…” she looked up at Jim quizzically. “Well that’s interesting. So basically, I’m just eating whipped, white water here.” He laughed and shook his head.

“I thought that you said you were going to be healthy.” he said as he watched her lick the whipped topping from the spoon. He wanted to come off as funny – teasing her about what she ate, what she would eat – deep down inside though, he was scared for her and he was scared for himself. Five positive pregnancy tests shouldn’t lie and he was thrilled that he had been at home for each and every single one of them, but the nagging feeling in the back of his mind for false positives and miscarriage before she found out for certain from a doctor plagued his mind.

“Baby wants whipped cream.” she said with a shrug and she giggled as Jim rolled his eyes at her.

“When are we going to know for sure?” he asked.

“That the baby wants whipped cream?” she teased.

“No, that there is a baby.” he said.

“I think that five positive pregnancy tests are pretty damning evidence.” she said. “I don’t even think that I’m a full month here.”

“When are you going to the doctor?” he persisted.

“Monday.” she said. “What kind of an OB/GYN can’t get me in until next Monday, anyway?”

“A good one?” he offered. Pam smiled as she ran her finger around the rim of the open container and ran a line of whipped cream down the slope of Jim’s nose.

“She is good.” Pam said as she leaned in close towards Jim and lightly touched her lips to his before she quickly bobbed her head upwards and licked the whipped topping off of his nose.

“Is my nose tasty?” he asked while he wrapped an arm around her back.

“Delicious.” she replied.

He did enjoy that she seemed to have become a lot happier in the past week. Then again, he figured that happiness could have nothing to do with the positive tests and it could have just been her happiness to have him home with her again.

“Whipped cream and noses aside,” Jim said, a little more seriously, “I really do think that you should eat healthy.”

“Who says we don’t eat healthy?” Pam asked and Jim shrugged.

“I just…I want this one to work.” he said wrapping his other arm around her back.

“It will.” she nodded.

“I don’t want to risk it.” he said and she could hear the sadness of previous failed attempts wavering in his voice. She had grown used to that wavering voice since their attempts to have a child came crashing in around them. Every month, most times before she even had a chance to take a test, she always had to be the one to break it to him that it was another month they hadn’t been successful. Every time she told him, she had to deal with that irresolute voice of sadness say, “Oh…”

“Okay.” she said nodding, trying to pull him into the lighthearted mood she felt. “Fruit and vegetable diet for the next nine months.” He laughed softly and shook his head.

“Not exactly what I meant.” he said.

“I know.” she said quietly as she lifted herself onto her tiptoes and kissed him.

“So you’ll be healthy?” he asked.

“Yes.” she replied.

“And you’ll stop eating whipped cream for breakfast?” he asked with a smile. An exaggerated look of confusion crossed Pam’s face and she sadly nodded. He nearly pulled away from her, but she quickly clasped her hands around his back and held to him tightly.

“I have a question.” she said, smiling.

“Yes?” he asked, bracing himself for the worst.

“Do you think you’ll still be able to wrap your arms around me in eight months?” she replied before she giggled again. He shook his head at her once more and wrapped his arms around her tightly and squeezed.

“I’ll get all my hugs in within the first few months here.” he said as he released her from his grip, “Just in case.”

***

Pam pushed through the front door on Monday afternoon and jumped with surprise when she saw Jim sitting at the counter reading the newspaper.

“You’re home early.” she said as she hung her purse over a hook by the door and walked to the refrigerator.

“I feel really bad.” he said as he looked over the edge of the paper and watched Pam retrieve a bottle of water from the door of the refrigerator.

“About what?” she asked and she turned around.

“Not being with you this afternoon.” he replied. She chucked – or scoffed? – at his comment.

“I’m sure that work was a lot more interesting than being with me at the doctor.” she said.

He smiled and said, “My work is certainly no where near as glamorous as you make it out to be sometimes.”

“Yeah, well…” she paused as she thought about what she was going to say next. “If you’re home early, then why didn’t you come to the appointment with me?”

“I just got home.” he said casually.

She wasn’t upset about him not coming. Actually, she had specifically told him the previous night that she didn’t want him to make a big deal of the doctor’s appointment and she certainly hadn’t wanted him to completely go out of his way to come with her. Though she had wondered what she would have done and how she would have reacted on her own had the outcome of the test not been what it was.

“Anything interesting in there?” she asked nodding towards the newspaper.

“No.” he said. She laughed softly and he looked up at her shaking her head, “What?”

“It’s just that you haven’t asked me what I found out.” she said, she had expected him to bombard her with questions as soon as she had stepped through the door.

“I told you already,” he said, “five positive pregnancy tests don’t lie.”

“Yeah,” she said nodding, “you were right.”

Jim didn’t think that he could feel any happier than he had when he had looked at the “Pregnant” display on the five home pregnancy tests that Pam had taken, but he was wrong. He had desperately tried to quell all of his hope bubbling up inside of him over the past week. He had so many concerns for what could go wrong. He didn’t want to build up all of his hope again like he had the last time only to have everything go horribly awry again.

“So you…you are?” he asked, mentally assuring himself.

“I am.” she replied, grinning from ear to ear.

“For…for certain?” he asked, trying so hard not to let all of his excitement explode out.

“Absolutely, positively for certain.” she replied.

“And this time we’re not…there’s not going to be anything…nothing’s going to happen this time, right?” he asked.

“I certainly hope not.” she replied.

“Oh my god.” he said as he set the paper on the top of the counter and rubbed his eyes as if he were waking up from a dream – an amazing dream, the best dream he had ever had. Now he was the one who felt completely euphoric.

“What?” Pam asked.

“Nothing it’s just…” Jim replied, running his hands down the side of his face. “Wow.”

“Good wow? Or bad wow?” she asked as she nervously chewed on her thumbnail.

“Good wow.” he replied. “Definitely a good wow.” Pam smiled a little wider. “It’s just…the five tests last week, I knew but now…now I know. And…”

“Yeah.” she nodded and knew exactly what he meant. The five home pregnancy tests may have been some of the most high-tech that one could buy, but nothing beat a doctor’s confirmation of the fact.

“I’m going to be a dad.” he said nodding and she clasped her hands together in front of her. There was no way she would be able to wipe the smile from her face now. She had always told people – her co-workers, her friends, her mother – that Jim would make an excellent father, but now…now she was starting to picture it in her mind. She could imagine a less business-like Jim in her mind – family-man Jim. They would have a son or a daughter and they could spend the weekends away from the city. There would be cute family birthdays and Christmases. Up until now she had never really pictured herself and Jim as the “domestic family unit”, but here it was all starting to formulate within her mind.

“Yeah you are.” she said biting down on her lower lip as if that would stop all of the hopeful images that were flooding her mind. She knew that things could still go wrong. She was barely even a month pregnant – she would have to wait two more months before she could feel completely certain.

“Oh my god!” he exclaimed as he jumped up and rushed around to the other side of the counter and scooped her up in his arms. She was a little surprised by his enthusiasm, but she wholeheartedly welcomed it. She giggled as he kissed her all over her cheeks, the slight stubble from not shaving that morning tickling her sensitive skin.

“This is just the best news that I’ve received all week.” he said as he kissed her left cheek, “No, all month.” He kissed her forehead quickly and loosened his grip around her shoulders.

She nodded enthusiastically and took a deep breath. This was finally happening. Jim seemed utterly thrilled that he was going to be a father and that made Pam’s heart swell with joy. She felt completely speechless. She couldn’t have asked for a better reaction.

“I love you.” Jim said quickly, breaking Pam away from the thoughts that she couldn’t express in words.

She smiled a genuine smile, nodded and said the only words that her mind would let allow her to say, “I love you too.”

July 8, 2009

Jim straightened his tie as he walked from the men’s bathroom at The Golden Beet. He glanced ahead towards the living room and noticed Michael and Ryan already exiting the restaurant. He wished that just once they could have a leisurely lunch meeting that didn’t involve rushing back to the office immediately after they had paid their bill.

He felt a small tug on his elbow and he quickly turned to face Angela who was looking friendlier than usual with a soft expression on her face.

“Hello Jim.” she said demurely, nodding her head as she addressed him.

“Angela.” he said warily as he perused her face for signs of mischief. She was usually so cold whenever she talked to anyone with the exception of Dwight…and speak of the devil; Dwight popped from the door to the kitchen and stood right behind Angela.

“Jim.” Dwight said in a purely professional manner.

“Can I help you two with something?” Jim asked suspiciously.

“We would just like you to give this to Pam.” Angela replied, pulling a medium-sized white envelope from one of the pockets of her apron.

“What is it?” Jim asked, though he took the envelope anyway.

“It’s an invitation.” Dwight replied. Jim nodded, expecting for more, but neither of them spoke.

“For…” Jim tried to egg on.

“Should we tell him?” Angela whispered loudly to Dwight, as if Jim wasn’t standing right in front of the two of them – he could clearly hear her, she was right there.

“Our wedding.” Dwight said unceremoniously.

“What?” Jim asked, feeling like someone had just hit him on the back of the head. He had no idea that the two of them were even engaged, much less giving Pam an invitation to their wedding.

“She’ll probably bring you along anyway,” Dwight explained, “it says that she can bring a guest if she wants. I don’t know why she wouldn’t bring her husband.”

“Wow.” Jim said looking down at the envelope with the Pam’s name written out in gold ink on the front. “I had no idea that you two were even…” Dating? Engaged? Interested in other human beings? “I had no idea.”

“Well, it’s in a couple of weeks,” Angela said, “so I hope that she doesn’t have any plans. I’d…we’d really hate it if she missed out. I mean, we came to yours.”

“Definitely, I’ll give it to her tonight.” Jim said nodding along. “But why didn’t you just mail it to her? I don’t think I’ve been here for the past…”

“Month.” Dwight finished.

“Wow, okay, in the past month.” Jim said. “Have you been waiting that long to see me?”

“Yes.” Dwight answered just as Angela had said, “No.”

“Sorry I haven’t been around.” Jim said. He glanced over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of Michael and Ryan waiting impatiently on the sidewalk outside of the restaurant and sighed. Jim didn’t feel a strong connection of friendship between the two people, but it was always nice to talk with the people who you hadn’t seen in a while. As often as he felt a little awkward around Dwight and Angela, he would much rather stand here and talk to them for another half an hour than go back to work and deal with all the company’s problems.

“I should…” he pointed over his shoulder towards the entrance, “I should probably go.”

“Of course.” Dwight said nodding and turning back towards the kitchen.

“Thanks for this.” Jim said as he held up the envelope, though he did feel a little awkward thanking the two of them for the item since it was intended for Pam.

“We’ll look forward to seeing you there.” Angela said.

“Definitely.” Jim said, “I’ll see you around.” He waved at Dwight through the doors of the kitchen and turned around to join his co-workers out on the street. He safely tucked the invitation to the wedding into a pocket of his shoulder bag. He figured as soon as Michael saw a glimpse of the white wedding invitation that he would start wondering why he hadn’t gotten one either.

***

Pam absentmindedly stared out the window next to her desk and watched the people walking along the sidewalks. She didn’t feel much like concentrating on anything that she had to work on – even though she did have a deadline to make – and Andy seemed hell-bent on making her day as excruciating as possible. The entire morning he had been quietly humming or singing, “In the Jungle” – all of the parts – and the first break that she had gotten was at lunch. Andy still hadn’t returned, so she figured that she could fit in the last little bits of “Pam-time” before he returned and added another piece of music to his afternoon repertoire.

“You feeling okay, Pam?” Phyllis asked kindly as she walked into the office and noticed Pam staring forlornly out the window. The only person that knew anything about Pam’s pregnancy other than Jim was Pam’s boss, and she had made sure that no one else found out until she had cleared the 3-month mark and she could feel a little more certain that this was definitely going to work.

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine.” Pam said, barely even looking in Phyllis’ direction.

“You sure?” Phyllis asked. “You look kind of lost.”

Pam nodded, “Yeah, deadlines and all…I’m kind of lost in all the storybooks.”

Phyllis nodded in agreement and sat down at her own seat. Within no more than a minute, she was hunched over her computer, hard at work on whatever she had received over her lunch break.

 

“Andy’s coming.” Phyllis said quietly as Pam typed away at her computer. Pam’s head shot up and she could hear the distinct sound of Andy’s falsetto voice singing “Celebration” from a far end of the hallway.

“And here I thought he was going to take the afternoon off.” Pam said looking at the clock on her computer – he had taken a break far, far longer than any that he usually did.

“We could only be so lucky.” Phyllis said with a smirk as the voice became a little clearer and a little louder.

“Pamcasso!” Andy exclaimed loudly as he walked through the door, small, foldable scooter in his arm.

“Glad to see you decided that work was important.” Pam said without turning to acknowledge his presence in the doorway.

“Aw, come on Pamcasso! We’re going to have good time tonight…” Andy said, starting to fall back into the song that he had sung down the hall.

“Andy…”

“Let’s celebrate,” Andy sang, “it’s all right!”

“What are we celebrating?” Phyllis asked and Pam smirked at the comment.

“We are…celebrating good times!” Andy exclaimed. “Come on! Yahoo!”

Pam hid her smile with her hand, as horribly irritating as Andy’s falsetto singing voice was, she couldn’t help to giggle at him this time.

“Pam knows what I’m talking about!” he exclaimed pointing to her. Pam immediately wiped the smile from her face and turned back to her computer stone-faced.

“What are we celebrating, Andy?” Pam asked flatly.

“Do I ever have an invitation for you.” Andy replied pointing at Pam.

“Oh god…” Pam said, burying her face in her hands. She had received so many invitations from Andy over the past couple of years that she had worked with him. He had invited her to a high school reunion, a bat mitzvah – and he wasn’t even Jewish, parties that his friends threw over the weekends and the previous Christmas, he had even invited her to come with him to his mother’s in Connecticut. He was absolutely relentless.

“So I got these tickets from one of my friends for this great little private event being held at this wine bar downtown.” he said with a grin on his face. Pam immediately breathed a sigh of relief – she had a perfectly legitimate excuse to miss this one. The gears in her head immediately turned backward though as she realized that she was still hiding her pregnancy from everyone except for those who had a justifiable reason to know.

“Yeah?” Pam asked, uninterested and wondering how she was going to get out of this one.

“It’s this really exclusive wine and cheese tasting party or…something like that.” Andy explained, “and I can bring one guest.”

“I really can’t.” Pam said. How many times had she said that phrase to Andy?

“Oh come on, Pam.” he said, “I know how much you love the vino. You can drink some really awesome wine there. And the best part…it’s free!”

Even though it was Andy, and Pam would rather be caught drowning in a bottle of tequila than go out to an event with him, she couldn’t deny that the un-pregnant part of her really liked a good glass or two of wine. And if it was free? Then all the better! However, she couldn’t go – there was just no way.

“I really, really can’t.” she said shaking her head. “Maybe you should take Phyllis instead.”

“I’d love to go.” Phyllis immediately chimed in.

“But I want to take you Pamcasso.” Andy pleaded.

“I can’t.” Pam said.

“Why not?” he asked.

“I just can’t.” she replied. “Believe me, Andy. If there is one thing that you have invited me to over the past year or so, this is the event that I would actually like to attend.”

“Then come along!” he exclaimed. She could sense that he thought with enough begging he could actually get her to go – especially after what she had just said.

“No.” she said calmly.

“Come on!” Andy whined as he hopped up and down like a little boy that desperately needed to use a restroom.

“Andy.” she said firmly, “I can’t.”

“Why not?” he asked. “Give me one good reason why you can’t come along with me.”

She sighed, this was going to start looking suspicious, “I can’t do that either, Andy.”

“Come on, come on, come on!” he exclaimed. Pam flashed a glance over towards Phyllis who looked like she was genuinely enjoying the interaction between her two co-workers.

“No, no, no!” Pam answered.

“One reason.” Andy said.

“I don’t feel well.” Pam lied.

“Bull crap.” he said. “A better reason.”

“I can’t.” Pam said, turning back to her computer.

“Oh come on, Pam.” Phyllis said, joining in now, wanting to see what sort of marvelously creative excuse Pam could come up with this time. “Give him a good excuse.”

“I have dinner with Jim tonight.” Pam lied again.

“No you don’t.” Andy said.

“How do you know?” Pam asked incredulously.

“I looked at your planner.” Andy replied. “Your entire week is wide open.”

“Wow, now if that isn’t an invasion of privacy…” Pam said, glad that she didn’t have any revealing doctor information scheduled in the planner she kept at work yet.

“Come on, Pam.” he said in a sing-song voice, “Vino!”

“No.” Pam said, her heart starting to race from the interrogation.

“I’ll ask Phyllis…” Andy said.

“Really?” Phyllis happily interrupted.

“If you give me a really good reason not to show up at your home tonight and drag you along with me.” Andy finished.

“Give him a good reason, Pam!” Phyllis egged on, really wanting to go to this event. Even if it was with Andy.

Pam shook her head as Andy continued to drill away with questions, waiting for the breaking point where she would finally just cave and say yes.

Finally, she slammed her palms down on the top of her desk, startling both Andy and Phyllis. They immediately ceased speaking and waited for Pam’s answer.

“I’m pregnant.” Pam said, her gaze quickly darting back and forth between the two.

“What?” Phyllis asked, a huge smile crossing her face.

“What?” Andy asked, his face looking like Pam had just smashed any tiny glimmer of hope that he had left to woo her.

“I didn’t…” Pam said shaking her head, “I wanted to wait another month before telling anyone.”

“How far are you?” Phyllis asked excitedly.

“Two months.” Pam replied quietly.

“Oh my goodness!” Phyllis jumped up as she clasped her hands to her chest and rushed over towards Pam and scooped her up into a tight embrace.

“You’re pregnant?” Andy asked incredulously.

“Yes.” Pam replied quietly, stilling her bouncing knee with her hand.

“My little Pamcasso.” he said shaking his head sadly as he sat down in the chair at his desk.

“So I’m sorry that I can’t go with you tonight,” Pam said, “but please, bring Phyllis with you. You two can talk and gossip about me all you want. You two can talk about how fat I’m going to get or something like that.” Phyllis smiled brightly.

“Okay, fine.” Andy said with a tone of finality. “Phyllis, do you want to go with me this evening to the wine and cheese party?”

“I’d love to Andy.” Phyllis said nodding. “I’m sure Bobby won’t mind. He doesn’t much care for wine.” Andy nodded glumly.

“See?” Pam said with a smile, “It all works out!”

“Yeah, sure.” Andy said turning to his computer and he lamely typed something up on his computer.

“Congratulations Pam!” Phyllis exclaimed, giving Pam another tight hug.

“Thank you.” Pam said with a smile.

It may have been a bit of a premature announcement, but Pam did feel good about finally getting it out in the open.

August 15, 2009

Pam smoothed the light brown fabric over her stomach. She certainly wasn’t visibly pregnant at just over twelve weeks. In the morning before and after her shower, she would stand sideways to the mirror and check out her stomach. It really didn’t look that different than it had beforehand. There was a soft curve in her abdomen, but walking down the street she was certain there was no way that anyone could remotely tell yet. She kind of looked forward to the months that lay ahead where she would grow a large baby belly and she would have to buy maternity clothing. For now though, she was happy that she didn’t have to buy a dress to wear to Angela and Dwight’s wedding.

“What do you think Dwight will be wearing?” Jim asked as she straightened his tie in the mirror.

“You afraid that you’re going to come dressed wearing the same thing he is?” Pam joked as she slid a bracelet over her hand.

“It’s my greatest fear.” Jim choked as he wiped an imaginary tear from the corner of his eye.

“I think you look fine.” Pam said with a smile.

“You think I’m going to look better than him?” Jim asked.

“Is that even a question?” Pam giggled as she smoothed the fabric over her stomach again and turned sideways to examine her figure in the mirror.

“What are you doing?” Jim asked curiously as Pam held the fabric tight against her abdomen. “Are you feeling sick again?”

“No, I feel fine.” she replied quietly. “Do you think I look pregnant?”

“Do I think you look pregnant?” he asked turning around to look at her. He leaned against the counter top and eyed her carefully from head to toe.

“So?” she asked expectantly.

“What do you want me to say?” he asked carefully, not wanting to tell her that she did if she didn’t or the other way around.

“Will people be able to tell?” she asked.

“Do you not want people to know?” he asked and she shrugged in reply.

He couldn’t imagine why she wouldn’t want people to know. He knew that she had been having a bit of a hard time keeping it a secret over the past couple of months and just earlier in the week she had finally told her mother. He figured after she had been told, everyone could know; though he had still kept the secret to himself.

“No…I don’t know.” she said after a pause in the conversation.

“We are…” he stammered around the words, not wanting to rile up any sad feelings or bad memories. “We’re in the clear now…aren’t we?”

“As clear as we’re going to be.” Pam said.

“And we’re allowed to tell people now?” Jim asked cautiously.

“Sure.” she replied with a simple shrug of her shoulders.

“Okay.” Jim nodded.

“Well, wait.” Pam said quickly. “I don’t want you announcing this like some apocalyptic prophecy at Dwight and Angela’s wedding. Please don’t stand up and say something like, ‘Pam and I are pleased to announce that we’re giving birth to the new anti-Christ! His name will be Damien and he will rule you all!’”

“Wow.” Jim said wide-eyed. She giggled at the ridiculousness of what she had just said and he continued, “Well, I had all of these plans of what to say and now…you just have to bring me down, don’t you?”

“I just don’t want to take away the importance of Dwight and Angela’s big day.” Pam said with a smile.

“Fair enough.” he said. “No speak of babies unless it is brought up.”

“Sounds good.” she said as she took her previous stance in front of the mirror and studied her figure closely.

“Seriously, Pam.” he said with a smile on his face as his gaze met hers in the mirror. “Why do you keep doing that?”

“When do you think I’m going to show?” she asked.

“You already are showing.” he replied.

“No I’m not.” she said.

Jim smirked and took a step back. He quickly grabbed the hem of the dress that hung around her knees and pulled it up around her waist.

“What the hell are you doing?” she asked, however she didn’t sound angry, she didn’t even look angry. She stood with a goofy grin on her face as he lifted the skirt of her dress above her waist and pressed his hand against the small curve in her stomach.

“What’s this then?” he asked, smoothing his palm over her soft skin. She smiled and closed her eyes as his fingertips caressed her stomach. She had always loved it when anyone rubbed her there. Even though she knew that Jim was trying to prove a point, she couldn’t help but feel the intimacy in the gesture.

“That’s the baby.” she said quietly and she felt her heart happily skip a little as she heard the words reverberate in the air.

“Little evil Damien.” he said as his fingers brushed lower.

“I was just kidding about the name.” she said with a smile and she quickly took a small, tentative step back as Jim’s fingertips danced along the hem of her underwear.

“I kind of like it.” he said.

“Really?” she asked, cocking her head to the side and ignoring Jim’s insistent fingertips nearing the hem of her underwear again.

“Little evil Damien Halpert.” he said.

“Beesly-Halpert.” she corrected.

“Beesly-Halpert?” he asked.

“I want our child to have my last name too.” she replied.

“Oh.” he said, a little bit of uncertainty in his voice.

“What?” she asked, noticing the hesitation in his response.

“It’s just…” he replied, searching for the right thing to say in such a situation. “Well, why?”

Pam smiled knowingly and replied, “It’s just something that my mom did with my sister and me.”

“Your last name is just Beesly though.” he interrupted.

“I only used Beesly.” she said. “My full name has my mom’s maiden name in it.”

“So, why can’t we just use Halpert?” he asked.

Pam shrugged and replied, “I guess it’s just a family thing. And you know, my dad isn’t around anymore. It would be nice to give his name to our child…especially if it’s a girl.”

“Okay.” Jim said nodding. There was still a little bit of hesitation in his voice, but at least he knew now why she was always so steadfast when it came to using the name “Beesly”.

Pam nodded quickly, “Listen, we can talk more about it later, okay? Right now, we need to get ready for this wedding.”

“Right.” he said nodding. “We need to prepare for the apocalyptic wedding that will then give rise to our apocalyptic evil baby.”

“You watch what you say.” she said playfully swatting him against his shoulder. “Babies can hear when they’re in the womb. You keep talking about evil babies he or she might decide that sounds like a fun idea.”

“Well, my baby can be as evil as it wants to be,” he said patting at Pam’s stomach, “as long as he uses…”

“Or she.” Pam quickly interjected.

“As long as he or she doesn’t use the evil powers against his…or her…parents.” Jim finished with a smile.

“You’re horrible.” Pam said giggling as she turned away and left the room.

***

Angela and Dwight’s wedding was in a small, Presbyterian church located in Brooklyn. Angela insisted that she and Dwight get married in a church because it was “sacrilegious” to have a wedding anywhere else. Pam had found it funny to see Angela in a white wedding gown and she found it equally amusing to see Dwight in a suit. It was so far from what she had ever seen either of them wearing before. Pretty much the only setting she had ever seen either of them in was the restaurant – even outside of the restaurant, their attire wasn’t too different.

In a white wedding dress though, Pam thought that Angela looked like a princess. And she had looked so happy that light seemed to radiate from every inch of her body.

Furthermore, Dwight seemed to simply exude pride from his statue-like stance at the altar as he waited for her to walk down the aisle and he held the same proud, happy expression throughout the entire ceremony. Pam had never seen him look so happy – ever.

***

“How much do you want to bet that every course is going to have beets in it?” Jim asked in a hushed voice as the first course of a small beet salad was served to everyone in the reception hall.

“You are horrible!” Pam exclaimed.

“Hey, it’s an honest question.” Jim said with a shrug.

A server materialized behind Pam and extended a bottle of wine towards her.

“Ma’am, would you care for a glass?” he asked. Pam bit her lip and shook her head ‘no’, even though if there hadn’t been a small being growing inside of her she definitely would have said ‘yes’.

“C’mon Pam! You need to try it!” Kelly exclaimed happily as she cradled her own glass of red wine in her hands.

“I…I really can’t.” she said. She turned to the server, “Thank you though. I just want a glass of water.”

“Pam! It’s free!” Kelly cried.

“Well, it’s free for us,” she said, “it’s not so free for Angela or Dwight.”

“You need to loosen up a little.” Kelly said, and quickly extended her glass towards Pam. “Here, try some of mine.”

“No, Kelly.” she pushed away Kelly’s hand. “I really, really can’t.”

Kelly smiled and giggled, “God, Pam, you’re acting like you’re pregnant.”

Jim and Pam both shot a knowing glance towards one another. If there was one person that could have gone without knowing about Pam’s pregnancy this evening, it was Kelly.

“Oh my god.” Kelly said quickly, her eyes as big as the plate that sat in front of her.

“Kelly.” Pam said in a hushed voice.

“Oh my god!” Kelly squealed, and she cried it so loudly that the guests at the surrounding tables looked over to see what the commotion was about.

“Well, everyone is going to know in a minute.” Pam mumbled.

“You’re pregnant!?” Kelly cried so loudly Pam was shocked that the people back in the kitchen hadn’t heard it.

Pam’s face turned as red as the beets that sat on the plate in front of her and she immediately buried her head in her hands as she kicked Jim in the shin and he nodded in Kelly’s direction.

“Oh my god!” Kelly exclaimed, a bit quieter, though the people surrounding their table were definitely well aware of both Kelly’s presence and Pam’s pregnancy at this point.

“We didn’t really want everyone knowing about it.” Jim muttered.

“Oh my god, are you having a boy or a girl?” Kelly asked.

“No idea.” Pam replied shaking her head.

“What are you going to name the baby?” Kelly asked.

“No idea.” Pam replied.

“You think he’s going to look like you or Jim?” Kelly asked quickly, shooting a glance between the two of them. “I hope that the baby looks like you, Pam. I think it would be really unfortunate if you two had a girl that ended up with Jim’s nose. Can you imagine?”

Jim and Pam quickly shot a glance at one another which quickly turned into a shared smile because they knew that they were both thinking, “How the hell do we get out of this one?”

“Can you imagine, Jim?” Pam teased.

“So unfortunate.” he replied, trying not to laugh as he shook his head.

Pam felt someone poking on her shoulder and turned to face Dwight staring down at her with an expression that she couldn’t quite place. It looked like he was maybe angry at some point because his lips were pursed together tightly, but then on the other hand he clearly had a gentle expression in his eyes and his forehead was completely relaxed.

“Dwight.” Pam said with a smile. “Congratulations.”

“Thank you, Pam.” he nodded down at her. “I have a message to relay to you from Angela.”

Pam looked over towards Angela sitting at the large table at the front of the room; she was poking her fork at her salad but didn’t exactly seem to be eating anything. Pam thought that she looked angry.

“Is something wrong?” Pam asked, feeling concerned all the sudden.

“Nothing is wrong.” Dwight replied. “Angela just wanted me to come and let you know that she feels like you and Jim are stealing the focus away from her big day.” Pam immediately shot a seething glance towards Kelly, who had completely turned away from the conversation between Dwight and Pam and didn’t even notice Pam’s cold stare.

“I’m really, really sorry, Dwight.” Pam said apologetically. “I really didn’t want to say anything at your wedding, I really didn’t. It’s just, Kelly offered me some wine, and I refused, and she made a comment about how I was acting like I was pregnant and…well…” she dropped her voice down to a whisper so Kelly couldn’t hear, “it’s Kelly.”

Dwight smiled and nodded. He understood; after all, he had been working with Kelly for years. He knew that when she heard exciting news there was no hope for it to remain a secret.

“Well, I’m not really angry about it,” he explained, “and well, you know how Angela can get sometimes.”

“Yeah.” Pam said as she nodded along with Dwight.

“And congratulations to you.” Dwight said quietly.

“Thank you.” she said with a big smile.

“I can only hope that Angela and I will be so lucky in our…endeavors.” he said quietly. Pam’s eyes immediately widened and she did everything she possibly could to fight the image of Dwight and Angela together – like that – out of her mind.

“Uh…yeah,” Pam said, forcing a smile, “yeah, good luck with that.” Dwight nodded and Pam continued quickly, “And congratulations to the two of you. All of this…the wedding was really, really lovely.”

“I’ll be sure to relay the message back to Angela.” he said as he looked over his shoulder back towards the front of the room towards his new bride. “She planned most of this. I was just in charge of the food.”

“And it is…” Pam looked down at her untouched beet salad in front of her, beets were definitely not on a list of food that sounded good for eating at the moment, “The food is wonderful.”

“I’m glad you like it.” he said with a grin, oblivious to the full plate in front of her. “The kitchen staff of The Golden Beet have been working extra hard the past week. I’m really happy that they pulled through for us.”

“Well, you can relay the message that they did a wonderful job.” Pam said with a gracious smile.

Her words seemed to do the trick because Dwight beamed with pride and said, “Well, I hope that you enjoy your evening here.”

“Thanks, we will.” she said as she looked towards Jim then her gaze turned towards Angela once more. “And I’ll try and keep the talk of the little one quiet for the rest of the night.”

September 28, 2009

“I can tell you the sex right now if you’re interested.” the nurse said as she held the transducer of the ultra sound machine against a spot on Pam’s stomach.

Pam glanced over towards Jim, then her gaze went back to the nurse and again back to Jim before she said, “No.”

“No?” Jim asked looking at the black and white image that was on the screen next to him. He certainly wasn’t going to be able to decipher the picture on his own, that was for certain.

“I don’t want to know.” Pam said quietly, but firmly.

“But…” he stammered. Pam felt kind of bad for Jim – she knew that he had wanted to know the sex of the baby since…well, since they first realized that she was pregnant. However, they had talked about it, and they had finally decided that all that was important was knowing that their baby was healthy, and they knew that they would be happy with whatever the gender was.

“Jim, we talked about this already.” she said calmly as the nurse continued to move the instrument around Pam’s belly more.

“I know but…” he sighed. “It’s right there!” He tapped on the screen and the nurse shot him a cold glare before he continued, “It’s just…wouldn’t you like to know? Isn’t there a little, teensy bit of anticipation to know if we’re having a boy or a girl?”

“I’d rather be surprised.” she said with a shrug.

“It could be a surprise right now.” he suggested and Pam smiled, holding back a giggle.

“It will make twenty hours of labor that much more exciting though.” the nurse said with a knowing smile.

“See?” Pam said. “Perfectly valid point!” She quickly made a face registering what the nurse had just said. “Twenty hours?”

“Okay.” Jim said nodding and he quickly turned towards the nurse standing next to him. “Just tell me. C’mon, whisper it in my ear.”

“Jim!” Pam exclaimed with a grin. “You and I both know that you would not be able to keep the sex of our baby a secret for the next four and a half months.”

“My lips would be sealed.” he said running his finger against his lips.

“Not going to happen.” Pam said before her gaze turned back towards the nurse. “Just tell us, is everything going well?”

“Everything is going perfectly.” the nurse said with a wide smile. “In a few months you will be happy to know that you will be the proud mother and father of a very, very healthy baby.”

“Baby…” Jim said slyly, trying to get the nurse to reveal the gender.

“Perfectly healthy baby.” the nurse said with a nod.

“You two are in on this together, I know it.” Jim teased as his eyes darted back and forth between Pam and the nurse. Pam giggled and playfully hit his shoulder.

“In any case.” the nurse said looking back towards the machine, “I’m just about done here. I’ll get this printed up for the two of you and you’ll be on your way shortly.”

***

Jim and Pam sat in a somewhat awkward silence the first few blocks back home from the doctor’s appointment. Jim felt like an important milestone in the pregnancy had been completely evaded and ignored. Didn’t every parent want to know the sex of their first child during that second ultrasound? He knew that he and Pam had spoken about it beforehand and they had both agreed that waiting until the birth would be the big moment that they would find out, but he couldn’t help himself; a part of him just felt empty from it all. Pam on the other hand was perfectly content about the results from the ultrasound. She had a feeling already of what the sex of the baby might be and she was willing to stick with that gut instinct of hers – it had gotten her this far in life, she really had no reason to doubt it at this point. At the end of the day, all that Pam wanted as to know that she was going to be giving birth to a healthy baby and everything that she had been told at the appointment confirmed that. She could sense that Jim was harboring some resentment towards hers – no, their – decision. She didn’t want to start a fight about it now though.

“I have bad news.” Jim said quietly, breaking their long silence.

“Bad news?” Pam asked, turning towards him, her eyebrows raised.

“And good news.” he replied.

“Well, one always follows the other.” she said, cracking a small smile which wasn’t entirely returned back to her.

“I’m serious.” he said.

“I’m sure you are.” she said calmly. “Are you going to tell me this news or am I going to have to play a guessing game with you?”

He sighed and looked down at his hands folded together in his lap, “Why didn’t we find out the sex of the baby?”

“Not now.” Pam groaned as she completely turned her gaze away from him and stared out the window.

“I just want to know why.” he said. “I thought everyone wanted to know the sex of their baby when they got a chance to finally find out.”

“I just want to be surprised is all.” she said. “I don’t know how much more there is to it than that.” She turned back towards Jim’s gaze. “Can we drop the subject now?”

“Fine.” he said quietly.

Another awkward silence passed and she was the one to speak up this time, “What’s your news?”

“I have another business trip coming up.” he said quietly – so quietly Pam was certain that she had misheard him.

“I’m sorry, what?” she asked. “I could have sworn that you just said you have another business trip that you’re going on.”

“I do.” he said quietly, his gaze fixated on his lap.

“But…” her mind raced and her breath started to quicken. He had promised her that he wouldn’t take any business trips during her pregnancy that took him anywhere outside of a five-hour drive. It had been one of Pam’s most demanding requests within the course of their marriage, but it was also one of them that she felt most strongly about.

“I really didn’t want to bring it up today.” he said, a pained expression written across his face.

“Well…” she stumbled over the words that she wanted to say and the words that she should say, “where are you going?”

“Australia.” he said in a voice not much louder than a whisper.

“What?” she asked, her face registering a look of horror, shock, anger and sadness.

“I know,” he replied, “and like always, I’m the only person in the entire company that has ever worked with these people. I don’t know how they do this to me.”

“When are you going?” she asked nervously, her hands twisting together in her lap.

“In uh…January.” he replied.

“When in January?” Pam asked, feeling like she was about ready to cry.

“Mid-January.” he replied.

She took a deep breath and stared out the window for a block, not saying a single thing before she finally turned to him again and felt herself break her hard, confident outer shell.

“Damn it, Jim! Damn it, damn it, damn it!” she cried loudly, causing the cab driver to give her a look of slight surprise – she had been so quiet the entire ride so far.

“I know, I’m sorry.” Jim said quietly, shaking his head.

“You know how close you’re cutting it, don’t you?” she asked incredulously. “You know that that is when I’m going to need you around the most, right?”

“Yes, I know.” he replied, not daring to meet her gaze.

“And you couldn’t go earlier?” she asked.

“And miss your birthday?” he asked.

“Or maybe…next month?” she answered for him. “Or hell, even in March or sometime after the baby has come.”

“And leave you all alone to take care of the baby for a week?” he asked. “I think we both know that we’re going to be up to our necks in trying to take care of a child for the first few months.”

Pam nodded thoughtfully, though she was still infuriated with the prospect of Jim being gone for a week towards the last few weeks of her pregnancy.

“Anyway.” Jim continued, “I couldn’t go afterwards.”

“Let me guess, your deadline is Valentine’s Day.” she said sarcastically.

“No, the reason why is my good news.” he said.

“Hard to believe there’s any good news to all of this.” Pam scoffed.

“There is.” he reassured, placing a tentative hand over hers.

“Well?” she asked expectantly.

“Australia is my last business trip for the next year – at least.” he replied softly.

“What?” Pam asked, her stony expression immediately softening a bit and she bit her lip in anticipation as Jim nodded.

“I have to go mid-January,” he explained, “because starting the first of February I am taking a six month paternity leave.”

Pam’s mouth dropped open and she stared at Jim as if he had just told her he was considering a sex change or something equally as shocking. She couldn’t believe it. She hadn’t even asked him to take a paternity leave from work. Sure, she had fantasized that he might cut back on his hours at work and that he might stick around home for a little longer. But a whole six months?

“Are you working…at all?” she asked nervously.

“Maybe a little from home if they absolutely need me.” he replied with a smile, basking in her reaction to the news.

“So for six months you are…” she said, his words still reeling in her mind.

“I am all yours.” he finished. “And the baby’s.”

“Wow.” she said, nodding along to nothing in particular as what he had just told her starting to settle in her mind.

“Are you still upset about Australia?” he asked nervously.

“Of course.” she replied as the cab rounded the corner to their home. “But suddenly, it doesn’t seem as bad as it did at first.”

“So do you think you’ll be able to deal with it?” he asked hopefully.

The cab stopped in front of their home and Jim quickly paid the driver then helped Pam from the car.

“So?” Jim asked as Pam stood straight and smoothed her hand over the growing curve of her stomach.

She smiled slightly, nodded and responded with, “Yeah, I think I can deal.”

November 5, 2009

Pam was reclined on the sofa with a book full of baby names in her hands when Jim walked through the front door early that evening.

“You’re home!” he exclaimed as soon as he noticed a few wavy strands of hair spilling over the arm of the sofa.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asked looking over towards the clock. “But you’re home early.”

“Trying to get everyone at work used to the idea of me being gone.” he replied as he walked around to where Pam lay reclined and planted a slow, soft kiss on her lips.

“Me too,” she said with a smile. “I left work after lunch.” Jim’s eyes widened and he chucked to himself.

“Pam playing hooky?” he teased. “Where is my wife and what have you done with her?” She giggled and watched him as he walked back towards the kitchen.

“I just got really tired around eleven this morning.” Pam explained as her gaze turned back to the book in her hands. “That, and I couldn’t take any more of Andy singing ‘Baby on Board’.”

“What?” Jim asked as he grabbed a bottle of water from the refrigerator and started to walk back over towards the couch.

“You know that song from The Simpsons?” Pam clarified.

“I…I honestly don’t think I do.” he said, shaking his head as he sat down next to her feet.

“It’s this song from The Simpsons, where Homer writes a song about Maggie that’s inspired by one of those car signs from the eighties that says, ‘Baby on Board’.” she explained further. Jim shot her an incredulous look and she simply laughed and teased him, “Apparently you need to brush up on old episodes of The Simpsons.”

“Apparently you’re watching too much television.” he teased back at her.

“Well, to be fair, Andy explained most of it to me.” she said. “Not that I exactly cared.”

“Of course not.” he said as he took a long drink from his water. “So is this what you’ve been doing all afternoon?”

“Lying here?” she asked in reply.

“And reading…” he narrowed his eyes to try and make out what was on the cover – though most of it was covered by her fingers.

“Baby names.” she replied, holding up the book only by the edges so he could clearly see the front.

“Oh, Pam…” he chided, shaking his head.

“What?” she asked, a smile starting to tug at the corner of her mouth.

“A book of baby names?” he asked, holding back his own laugh. “Where did you get that? The checkout line at the grocery store?”

“As a matter of fact, yes.” she said, unable to hold back her grin any longer.

“Okay, seriously,” he teased again, “what have you done with my wife?” She laughed and nudged his thigh with her foot.

“I just thought that maybe it would be interesting to look through it and see if there were any names suggested in here that we haven’t yet thought up on our own.” she said.

“I thought we were happy with the couple of names that we had thought up so far.” he said.

“We are.” she said, nodding. “I just thought I might look through a book or two and see what I could find. Who knows! There might be a great name out there that we haven’t even thought up yet.”

“If you say so.” he said. “Have you found anything fun so far?”

“I have found some rather interesting names.” she said. “Fun? Definitely. Usable? Eh…”

“Throw ‘em at me.” he said, eager to hear what sort of names she had managed to find on her own throughout the course of the afternoon.

“Okay,” she said flipping back a few pages, “these are the boy names.” Her hand quickly went to her stomach as she felt the baby shift slightly.

“I thought we liked Damien.” he said with a sly smile.

“That’s only if he comes out with devil eyes.” she teased. “Anyway, Nordic boy names.”

“Nordic?” Jim asked with wide eyes.

“I didn’t say they were any good.” she replied. “First name! Knud.”

“What?” Jim asked. He tried to hold back his laugh, but instead it just came out as a loud snort.

“What was that?” Pam asked loudly as she giggled.

“What kind of a name is Knud?” he asked.

“Apparently Nordic.” she said nonchalantly. “Oh! And it means ‘knot’.”

“I think that I’m going to have to put that name into the lists of, ‘Oh no way’.” he said.

“Oh thank goodness.” she said with a quick breath. “I don’t think that the baby liked it much either.” She ran her hand against her stomach again as she felt the baby shift a second time.

“Did you get kicked?” he asked as he leaned forward and rubbed his hand against the bottom of her belly.

“No, not yet.” she replied with a resigned sigh. She always teased Jim that they weren’t going to get a ‘soccer playing’ child. She felt the baby move all the time, but she hadn’t yet felt any real kicks. She was happy that she hadn’t been kept awake at night by a kicking baby inside of her, but on the other hand, she felt like she was kind of missing out on a special milestone in her pregnancy.

“Soon.” he said as he drew his hand back to his lap. “Hit me with another one.”

“Okay…” Pam said as she started to flip through more of the pages. “Here’s another great Nordic name.”

“Ooh!” Jim exclaimed, clasping his hands together.

“Okay, this one is really great…” she said with a wry smile. “Thor!”

“Thor?!” Jim laughed loudly.

“What?” she asked. “You don’t think that Thor Beesly-Halpert has a nice ring to it?”

“I hate to disappoint you,” he replied, “but I think that Thor is behind Knud.”

“Darn.” she said with a smile as she shook her head. She started to rifle through more of the pages until she landed on the section of girl’s names. She hadn’t spent much time on the girl’s names because she already knew what she wanted to name the baby if they had a girl. She had yet to run a lot of the names floating around in her mind by Jim.

“So what’s next?” he asked.

“Girl’s names.” she replied as she landed on a page full of ‘K’ names.

“Great! Go for it.” he said as he began to rub his knuckles against the arch of her foot. She looked up at him and completely lost her train of thought as his fingers ran along the bottom of her feet. Normally her feet were extremely ticklish, but now…now a foot rub seemed like the greatest idea in the world.

She let her head tilt back and she stretched her legs out just a little bit farther to give Jim better access as he absentmindedly ran his hands along her feet. She closed her eyes and sighed deeply.

“Earth to Pam.” he said as he watched her facial expression completely change. He pulled his hands back into his lap and she audibly groaned as he did.

“No, don’t stop.” she moaned as her eyes opened and she scooted further down, trying to give her feet access to his hands again.

“What?” he asked, looking at her with an amused expression on his face.

“Foot rub.” she pleaded as she kicked her feet up and down on the top of his thigh.

“Give me a name.” he said with a smile.

“Khedija.” she said quickly looking at the first name that she saw in the book.

“Kah what-what?” he asked.

“Khedija.” she repeated as she stretched her toes out, trying to get him to touch the arch of her foot again.

“Really?” he asked.

“It’s pretty.” she replied.

“You don’t think it’s a little too…oh, exotic? Especially for Beesly-Halpert.” he said as his index finger traced a line down the middle of her foot. She squealed out loudly, that tickled.

“I’ll bet she’d be the only girl with curly red hair and pasty white skin named Khedija.” she teased.

“I would bet that too.” he said with a smile as he cupped her foot in his hand. “I’ll rub if you suggest some serious names.”

“What an ultimatum.” she said with a wink.

“I’m waiting.” he said as he poised his knuckles against the arch of her foot.

“For a boy.” she said closing her eyes, “William.”

“William.” Jim repeated. “Not bad.” He ran his hand down Pam’s foot and her head immediately lolled back towards the arm of the sofa.

“Even better than Thor?” she teased.

“Much better than Thor.” he said.

“I also really like the name Aiden.” she said, “For a boy.”

“Not bad, not bad.” he said as he lifted her legs and scooted closer to her then draped her legs over his and continued to rub her foot.

“Or Jacob.” she said as she folded her hands over her stomach and felt the baby shift more.

“I really like Jacob.” he said nodding.

“I think those are my top three at this point.” she said. “What about you?”

“Boys names?” he asked.

“Or girls names.” she replied with a shrug.

“Well, I really like the names that you chose.” he said as he placed his free hand on top of hers.

“Of course.” she grinned.

“I would add Benjamin to that list though.” he said. Pam nodded thoughtfully. She didn’t think it was a ‘William’ or a ‘Jacob’, but it would make a good middle name at the very least.

“I like it.” she said with a smile.

“And girls names.” he continued thoughtfully. His hand stilled against her foot and she quickly pushed against it twice to try and get him to commence again. He smiled at her with a grin that told her there was something mischievous going on in his mind, but she didn’t say anything.

“I like the name Pam.” he said with a smile.

“No,” she said shaking her head, “absolutely not.”

“You don’t want a daughter named after you?” he asked.

“Absolutely not.” she repeated.

“But it’s my favorite name in the whole world.” he said with a smile as his hand started to work away at her foot again. She grinned and looked away slightly. She was amazed, after several years of being together he still could make her blush like a little girl.

“Okay, okay,” he continued, “girls name I like that aren’t Pam…”

“I like Isabelle.” she interjected.

“You don’t think that’s too common?” he asked.

“Who cares if it’s common,” she replied, “it’s pretty.”

“I like Audrey.” he said. She nodded thoughtfully.

“I like it too, actually.” she said.

The two of them sat in a silence for a few moments, going through various names that they liked. Jim watched Pam’s face as she thought of names and he enjoyed watching her lips move silently as she would think of a first name and add ‘Beesly-Halpert’ to the end.

Suddenly, Pam jumped, as if she had been startled awake. Jim’s hands fell away from her feet and he looked at her with a curiously cautious grin on his face.

“Think of something awesome?” he asked.

“No…” she replied cautiously and her hands ran over the rounded part of her stomach.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, the grin starting to fade away.

“I just felt…” she replied, but before she could finish the sentence, she jumped again and her eyes widened.

“What?” he asked, anxiously as horrible worst-case scenarios raced through his mind.

“The baby kicked.” she said holding her hands against the spot on her stomach where she had felt the kick.

“No way.” he said, his hands immediately pressing against her stomach.

“No, right…” she grabbed his wrist and shifted his hands up to where she had felt it, “here.”

As if summoned to do so, the baby immediately kicked against Jim’s hands and an enormous smile crossed his face. He thought for certain that he would miss the baby’s first kick – whenever that happened – and here he was, actually witnessing it.

“Wow.” was the only word that he could actually say as he felt the baby kick two more times before it stopped.

“I was wondering when that was finally going to happen.” Pam said as she relaxed back into the sofa and smiled. And she had been. As many jokes as she had made over the past couple of months involving the absence of a baby kick and how their child definitely wasn’t going to be athletic – she was relieved to finally feel a real, solid kick. She was only three and a half months away from her due date and the kick that she felt acted like a solid affirmation that this was going to work and the baby was healthy.

“I’m glad I came home early.” he said.

She smiled warmly, “Me too.”

January 22, 2010

Pam looked down into her bowl of broccoli cheddar soup, then the clock on the wall, then the door, then the clock again. Jim was leaving any minute, her mother was arriving any minute and she felt like the baby was going to come at any minute. She worried that the doctors had miscalculated her due date. Her due date – as calculated by her doctor – was February 12. She felt like she had already missed it by a week.

She had been on her maternity leave since Christmas and she really did hope the baby came soon so she had something to occupy more of her time with. She and Jim had finished decorating the spare bedroom so it would look more like a child’s room. They had agreed that the baby would sleep in their bedroom for the first few months though. And it worked out well that way because Pam’s mother would be staying with her while Jim was in Australia and they hadn’t needed to move the large bed from the room.

Pam just felt bored during the past couple of months. She drew a lot and she painted a lot, but she couldn’t do that all hours of the day. She hated going anywhere too far from home because it had either been too cold or she had gotten too tired too early and she didn’t want to worry about walking many, many blocks back home.

Unfortunately, the restrictions that she put on herself left her cooped up at home a lot of the time. Sure, Jim was spending less and less time working – which she was very thankful of – but there were only so many things that a woman as pregnant as she was could do throughout the day. Most of the time she usually found herself taking long naps in the middle of the afternoon before Jim returned home or she would spend a large chunk of her time on the couch watching re-runs on TV.

“Should I call your mom and see if she’s almost here?” Jim asked as he set his suitcase next to the door.

“I just heard from her about fifteen minutes ago.” Pam replied. “She’s close.”

Jim patted his pockets, double-checking that he had his keys and his wallet before he joined Pam over at their dining room table and sat down next to her.

“I don’t want to leave.” he said shaking his head.

“Yes, but when you get home just think,” she said, “you don’t have to work for a whole six months.”

“It’s like a dream come true!” he exaggerated. He would be glad to be away from work for that long, but a part of him was extremely worried about what was going to happen in his absence. That and he didn’t necessarily think that he was getting a break. He was going to be helping Pam with a baby. As far as he was concerned, a newborn baby was far more tasking than sitting in his office all day reading and responding to e-mails and attending boring meetings.

“You’ll miss it, don’t lie.” Pam said with a smile as she brought a spoonful of soup to her lips and gently blew on the hot liquid.

“A lot less than I’m going to miss you this week.” he said as he watched the spoon disappear in her mouth. He had so many desires that revolved around that mouth right now…watching her eat soup was only going to make them worse.

“You’re thinking about me again.” she said with a wry smile as she ran her tongue along the spoon.

“No I’m not.” he said as he looked away – out the living room window.

“I’m sorry.” she said quietly.

“What?” he asked, turning back towards her.

“I said I’m sorry.” she replied, a little louder.

“For what?” he asked.

“For the lack of…” she replied, “you know…both in the past month and the couple of weeks ahead of us.”

“I’ll survive.” he said as he watched her take in another spoonful of soup and he felt his face flush slightly.

“You realize I’m not going to have much energy for that…after.” she said.

“I know.” he said nodding, and he did know. He had heard stories from men – and women – that he worked with who had told him about the complete and utter lack of any sexual relationship for long periods of time after the birth of a baby. It certainly wasn’t a possibility that he was looking forward to – at all – but he figured that it couldn’t be the absolute worst thing that could happen. Though the thought of not being intimate with Pam for three months, six months, a year or more certainly did shock him with a certain jolt of fear.

“We could, you know.” she said, gazing at him longingly as she crumbled a cracker into her bowl of soup.

“No.” he said shaking his head.

“Why not?” she asked.

“For one,” he replied, “your mother is probably outside our front door right now…”

Pam didn’t immediately speak as she waited for the sound of their doorbell, “Doesn’t sound like it.”

“For two,” he continued, “I really, really don’t want to risk anything.”

“Like what?” she asked with an amused expression on her face.

“Like…early labor.” he replied.

“It would make you stick around though, wouldn’t it?” she teased. He shot her another longing glance and she quickly turned to the bowl in front of her again. She couldn’t take that stare of his for much longer. Every time she saw it she felt bad, or she felt the desperate desire to be with him like they had been before she entered the last trimester of her pregnancy.

“I’m sorry.” he said, realizing again what the look of his did to her.

“It’s fine.” she said grabbing another cracker from the plate in front of her and crumbling it into the soup.

“So you have my phone numbers?” he asked.

“Numbers?” she asked in reply.

“Hotel phone, cell phone, emergency cell phone.” he replied.

“Why can’t I just call your cell phone if there’s an emergency?” she asked.

“Because the only phone I’m going to have during my meetings is the emergency phone.” he replied.

“I don’t know what kind of emergency you’re expecting, here.” she said with a smile. He glanced towards her with a serious look on her face and she immediately looked away from him and quietly muttered, “I have all the numbers.”

“Okay.” he said as he nodded.

“Jim, you can leave if you need to.” she said, glancing back towards the clock.

“I want to wait until your mom gets here.” he said.

“I think that I’ll be fine for ten or fifteen minutes on my own.” she said.

“I just…I don’t want to leave yet.” he said.

“Okay.” she shrugged, trying to be nonchalant about it. Really though, she didn’t want him to leave. In the past week, she had convinced herself that Jim going to Australia wasn’t that big of a deal and everything would be fine in his absence. Deep down though, she worried. She hadn’t been the one to suggest the emergency cell phone – that had been his idea – but she had definitely egged him on about the idea. She had finally pulled herself into the state of mind where she could joke about the little things that bothered her. Unfortunately, it seemed that Jim would not have any of it.

Jim reached for a cracker on the plate in front of Pam and silently, slowly ate it until he – and Pam – was startled out of their thoughts by the ringing of their doorbell.

“That’s my mom.” Pam said pushing herself away from the table and going to stand up.

“I’ll get it,” he said, “you sit.”

“I can get it.” she said standing. Jim marveled at her body every time that she stood. She really had not gained any more weight than the baby during her pregnancy. As far as he was concerned, she looked almost exactly the same as she always had – same arms, same legs, and same face – but her stomach was huge. He was amazed at how well she could carry the weight that was centered there and he was impressed even further about how little she complained about the things that he heard pregnant women usually complain about.

She smiled at Jim as she walked past him and quickly weaved her fingers through his hair before she made it to the door. He watched her as she placed a hand over her heavy stomach and slipped around the doorway.

“Mom!” he heard her exclaim as the very front door opened.

“My goodness Pam! Look at you!” he heard her mother cry and he could picture Pam’s mother placing both hands over Pam’s stomach much in the same way that he did every morning before he left for work and every evening that he returned home.

“Why didn’t you let Jim get the door for me?” her mother chided, footsteps nearing the door and her voice a bit louder.

“He’ll be very happy to hear you ask that.” Pam said as she winked at Jim while walking around the frame of the door.

“Hi Mrs. Beesly.” Jim said from his seat at the dining room table.

“You’re still here!” she exclaimed as she set her bag down by the door and rushed towards Jim’s seated position and threw her arms around his neck.

“I wouldn’t leave until you got here.” Jim said. Pam’s mother beamed a wide smile and leaned against the table where Jim was seated as Pam walked back to where she had been seated beforehand and continued to eat her soup and crackers.

“So you’re going to Australia, are you?” Pam’s mother asked.

“Unfortunately, yes.” he replied nodding. “And…” he looked up at the wall clock, “I really need to leave.”

“I’ll leave you two alone.” her mother said with a wink in Pam’s direction.

“Up the stairs to the right,” Pam said, “it’s the pastel yellow room with baby decorations…” she paused, “it’s all ready for you.”

She watched as her mother stood again, walked to her bags and headed up the stairs.

“So you’re leaving now?” she asked as she turned to Jim.

“I really have to.” he replied. “If I don’t get there on time…well…I have a meeting to go to as soon as I arrive that I really can’t miss.”

“I know.” Pam said, nodding. She watched Jim stand and she quickly joined him at his side.

“I wish you could go with me.” he said as he pulled her into his arms and softly kissed her on the forehead.

“So do I.” she said, tilting her head up and resting her chin near his shoulder.

“You’ll be okay?” he asked.

“I’ll be absolutely fine.” she replied with a smile. “Do you want me to walk you out?”

“No, stay inside.” he said as he wrapped his arms all the way around her back.

“Hey.” she giggled.

“What?” he asked.

“You can still fit your arms all the way around me.” she grinned.

“We’ll see about that when I get back.” he teased. She laughed again before she stood on her tiptoes and pressed her lips against his.

“I’ll miss you.” she said quietly, taking a step back and allowing him to pick up his bags that sat next to the door.

“You too.” he said bending forward and kissing her once more. “I love you.” He placed his free hand on the top of her large belly and looked down, “I love you too.”

“You have everything?” she asked as she looked down at his suitcase.

“Yes.” he replied.

“Have a safe trip.” she said, kissing him on the cheek. “I love you too.” She gave him a meek wave as he walked out the door and once she saw him walk down the steps leading down to the sidewalk, she turned around and walked back inside their home.

She heard her mother starting her way back down the staircase and she smiled weakly before she returned to the dining room table and sat down in front of her – now cold – soup.

“Sad?” her mother asked as she took a seat next to her daughter. Pam shrugged and grabbed a cracker from the plate in front of her.

“He’ll be back in a week.” she replied.

“A week might be too long.” her mother said. Pam met her mother’s gaze with a quizzical look to which her mother said, “How many more weeks do you have left?”

“My due date is the twelfth of next month.” she said.

Her mother opened her mouth to say something, but she quickly stopped before she could say another word.

“What?” Pam asked, noticing the hesitation from her mother.

“Nothing,” her mother replied, shaking her head, “it’s just that when I looked that way with you and your sister…you both were born in about a week’s time.”

January 25, 2010

 

“Jim, call me back as soon as you get this. I know you’re probably on the plane right now. Anyway, my mom says that it looks like the baby is going to come really soon…I probably should have noticed that a while ago, but it didn’t really even occur to me until she mentioned it. In any case, I know you have a meeting to go to as soon as you land but…well…I guess if anything else happens, I’ll call the emergency phone.”

 

“I know, I know, I’m still not using the emergency phone, but this isn’t that urgent…at least I don’t think so…anyway, it’s probably a really good idea that you call me back as soon as you get this message anyway.”

He had lost his regular cell phone sometime between the time that he arrived in Sydney and the point in time that he had arrived at his first business meeting. He never received Pam’s messages.

***

The emergency cell phone rang on his nightstand. It didn’t register at first. He wondered why anyone would be calling him in the middle of the night. Then he realized that this was not his usual cell phone ring and that he hadn’t heard that usual cell phone ring in a couple of days. His eyes darted open and he looked at the clock on the nightstand: 2:45 AM.

The thought of how long the phone had been ringing instantaneously shot through his mind and he lurched over the side of the bed to pick it up before the ringing stopped.

“Hello?” he asked in a sleepy sort of panic. “Pam! Are you okay? Is the baby okay?”

“This is Pam’s mother.” she replied. “Pam’s fine, the baby is fine but…Jim, you need to come home now.”

“What’s wrong? What’s going on?” he asked frantically sitting straight in bed and pounding the palm of his hand against the wall where the flip for the light was. He knew this trip had been a bad idea – a horrible idea.

“Nothing is wrong,” she reassured, “it’s just…well, it would appear that Pam may be going into labor.”

The room seemed to freeze around him and for a brief second he wondered if his heart was still beating.

“What?” he asked hoarsely.

“I’m just gathering up the last couple of things that she forgot to pack and then we’re off to the hospital.” she said.

“Now?” he asked, his mind reeling. “But you’re not sure…”

“Jim, I’m as sure as a mother can be about these things.” she replied in a kind tone. “We are going to the hospital. You should get on the very next flight back to the city.”

“I’m…” he was breathing heavily and he immediately leapt out of bed, tearing around his hotel room trying to gather everything together as he held the phone against her ear.

“I think that you’ll be here in time if you can make a flight within the next couple of hours.” her mother said. Jim listened to her carefully – she sounded too calm for the situation that was taking place. “A baby doesn’t just come in a couple of hours. Her water hasn’t even broken yet…and…”

Jim heard Pam’s voice echo through the other end of the phone. He couldn’t quite make out what she had said, but it had sounded a little more urgent than she usually came across.

“You’re sure she’s okay?” Jim asked, all while trying to calculate exactly how long it would take for him to get back to New York City if everything worked perfectly and he was able to immediately catch a flight to JFK. It would be at least fifteen hours, for certain.

“Yes, she’s fine.” her mother replied. “We’re leaving now, she just hailed a cab and I’ll try and call you again at some point from the hospital.”

“Okay, I’m finding the first flight out of Sydney.” he said as he stuffed a couple pairs of socks into his suitcase and rushed to pick up the rest of his money and passport from the top of the dresser.

“See you soon.” she said before she hung up the phone.

He was going to get fired – he knew he was going to get fired. If he didn’t get fired, he would at least get an extreme demotion. He grabbed the key to his room and quickly glanced around one last time to make certain he hadn’t forgotten anything. He felt like he was having a panic attack.

He didn’t know how he could have done it; he didn’t know why he had come in the first place. He should have known this was going to happen before he even left. Every time that he left something didn’t go quite as planned. Granted, usually the events that unfolded were a lot less major than Pam going into labor while he was on the other side of the world.

The moments where he rushed down to the lobby, asked for a cab to the airport and asked for the numbers to every single airline imaginable were a complete blur. He didn’t know how he was going to handle fifteen to twenty hours in planes and airport terminals thinking about whether or not he was going to make it in time to witness the birth of his first child.

***

Pam’s mother called Jim sometime between Sydney and San Francisco. Jim felt odd checking the messages on his phone in San Francisco – especially when they involved Pam and their baby. Bad memories came flooding back to him as he listened to the one message that Pam’s mother had left him during his flight over the Pacific Ocean. He was prepared to hear the worst as he listened to the voicemail but instead her mother told him that Pam and the baby were fine, she had not yet given birth and she would call him again as soon as she could with another update.

Before boarding his flight to JFK, he quickly dialed the phone number that Pam’s mother had called him from. He cursed himself for not programming contacts into the phone before he left. He wasn’t sure if it was Pam’s phone or her mother’s phone – at this point, he couldn’t really comprehend anything. His mind was on a one-way track that kept repeating, “Pam and the baby” over and over again.

He didn’t get a response when he called and it went to Pam’s voicemail. His heart leapt into his throat when he heard Pam’s recorded voice on the other line and he simply left a quick message saying that he was in San Francisco and he would be leaving for JFK in a half hour.

***

When he was finally able to check his messages again in the airport terminal at JFK, he was shocked that he hadn’t received any word from Pam’s mother or anyone else about the status of Pam and the baby. He called Pam’s phone number, the only phone number that he knew off the top of his head – no answer.

He didn’t know why Pam or her mother hadn’t bothered to call the emergency phone again. If she had given birth would that really be considered an emergency? They already knew that he was on his way.

Jim jumped into the first free cab he saw outside of the airport terminal.
“Go as fast as you can.” he told the driver after he told the man the name of the hospital birthing center that he and Pam had decided on.

“You a lucky man?” the driver asked in a thick accent that Jim couldn’t quite place.

“Yes…” Jim replied with uncertainty in his voice.

“You gonna be a proud father, eh?” the driver asked with a large smile.

“Yes.” Jim replied, a bit more certain about the answer to that question. Yes, he knew that he was going to be lucky – he would have (or already had) a child…his first child.

***

He knew it when he gave Pam’s name to the woman sitting at the front desk. He felt the realization stabbing him like a dagger. He had missed it.

The reality hit him even harder when he walked onto the elevator and he pressed the button for the fourth floor. He and Pam had been in here before and he knew that the fourth floor was all private rooms – not birthing rooms. His heart was heavy and he could feel his face hot with anger, frustration and disappointment. He looked up briefly as the elevator stopped on the second floor and a nurse stepped into the small space with him. He noticed a sign above the buttons that read, “No Cell Phones” and for the first time he realized why it hadn’t been Pam calling him, and why he had only received the brief couple of phone calls from her mother.

When he stepped off the elevator he could already feel the tears hot in his eyes. He pressed his palms against his eyes as the doors opened – hoping the nurse hadn’t noticed.

“Congratulations.” the nurse said quietly as he stepped through the open doors.

“Thanks.” he mumbled as he turned left in the direction of the number that he had been given at the front desk down on the first floor.

He walked down the hall of closed doors. He wondered why he didn’t feel happier. He had a child waiting for him at the end of this hallway, after all. He had his wife waiting for him at the end of this hallway. He had a whole new life waiting for him behind door 482.

He knocked softly on the blue door. He thought for sure that he would get a response but it was silent. He sniffled loudly and wiped the tears from his cheeks that had formed from his walk to this spot.

“Pam?” he croaked against the door. Still no response.

He took a deep breath and turned the handle of the door and stepped inside. It was a sunny, private room with dusty pink walls, what appeared to be a dresser to the side of the door, a small sofa and armchair near the window and a decent-sized bed off to the side.

And there was Pam – sleeping, her face turned towards the sunny window.

“Pam.” he said again, the tears ever-present in his eyes and before he even knew what he was doing, he had discarded his suitcase next to the door and rushed to the side of her bed, fallen onto his knees and threw his arms across her significantly smaller stomach.

“I missed it.” he whispered to himself, shaking his head back and forth, trying to wipe his tears away on the light yellow blanket that covered her as she slept. “I’m so sorry, I’m so, so, so sorry, Pam. I wanted to be here, I tried so hard to get here in time, I really did. I got the first flight that I could and why did I have to go…” All of his words were muffled by the blanket, but Pam seemed to hear.

She stirred without Jim realizing and he jumped when he felt her hand tangled in his hair.

“Hey.” she whispered sleepily. He looked up at her, his eyes red from the lack of sleep that he had gotten and all of the tears that he had shed on his long flight from Sydney.

“I missed it all.” he said woefully. “I’m so, so sorry.”

“I thought that I would have heard from you by now.” she said quietly. “My mom called you like, three times.”

“Where is your mom?” he asked, noticing her mother’s absence.

“She went home to get a few things for me.” she replied. “She should be back soon.”

“I’m so sorry.” he said again. “I lost my cell phone somewhere in Sydney…she didn’t call the emergency phone. That’s the one I had.”

Pam nodded, “It’s okay. I think that she accidentally lost the emergency number sometime during the birth, or maybe right before…that’s one of the things she went back home to find.” She noticed the tears on Jim’s cheeks, smiled weakly and repeated, “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not.” he said shaking his head. “I missed…” and then it suddenly hit him. There was a baby.

She smiled as if she could read his thoughts and nodded her head towards the other side of the bed.

“It’s…” he started to rise to his feet. In his rush to get to Pam’s side and apologize to her, he had completely missed the small bassinet sitting next to the bed that Pam was lying on.

He stood and walked around to the opposite side of the bed and saw the little bundle of white wrapped in the bassinet next to Pam.

“I haven’t named her yet.” Pam said quietly as Jim bent over the sleeping baby and carefully examined every feature.

His mind registered what she had just said, “Her?”

Pam nodded, grinning, “She’s a girl.”

He felt his heart and every emotion inside of his catch in his throat. A huge swell of pride swept over him and he tentatively touched the baby’s cheek with his finger.

“You can pick her up if you’d like.” Pam said, unable to hold back her grin or her tears of happiness.

“I can?” he asked and Pam giggled softly.

“She’s your daughter too.” she replied. Jim nodded and wiped a tear from the corner of his eye and gingerly lifted the small white bundle into his arms and cradled her there.

“You sure you don’t want her name to be Pam?” he teased. “She looks just like you.”

“That’s what my mom said when she saw her.” she said as she moved aside to make room for Jim to sit on the bed with her. He lowered himself next to her and she leaned into his chest and pushed some of the blanket wrapped around the tiny body aside so she and Jim could get a better look.

His emotions all caught in his throat again as the tiny little girl opened her eyes just slightly. She was the most beautiful newborn baby that he had seen and it suddenly really hit him that she was his. Her features almost exclusively mimicked Pam’s. She had Pam’s face, her nose and chin matched her mother’s perfectly. The baby’s hair – though she didn’t have more than a couple of small curls – was even similar to Pam’s. However, when the girl caught Jim’s gaze, he could clearly see the baby had his eyes.

“What do you want to name her?” he asked.

“I have an idea.” she replied. “It kind of popped into my head the moment I saw her.”

“Yeah?” he asked. “Because the name I have in mind is just awful considering the circumstances.”

“What’s your name?” she asked.

“Sydney.” he replied. She giggled softly.

“Do you really want to name her that?” she asked.

“No.” he replied. “I’d like to forget about the position I found myself in if at all possible.”

“Ah, but if she asks when she’s older where her father was…” Pam teased.

“Don’t.” he said shaking his head. “I already feel horrible as it is.”

“You made amazing time.” she said looking at the clock across the room.

“I also did just about everything short of getting down on my hands and knees and begging…wait…no, I did that.” he said with a smile before he turned his gaze back towards his tiny daughter sleeping in his arms.

“I really thought it would be longer.” Pam said quietly her hand meeting Jim’s underneath the baby’s back. “I can’t believe that she came as fast as she did. It was no more than five hours after I had been having steady contractions that the doctors told me I was ready. I was…shocked. I thought for sure it was going to be at least a day. I actually waited a couple of hours longer after they told me I was ready…even so. I knew that you didn’t have a chance of getting back in time. I tried telling everyone that I wanted to wait until you arrived but…you can’t exactly stop a baby from being born.”

“So she was ready.” he said.

“She was definitely ready.” she said. “I’ll never trust due dates again.”

“So when exactly was she born?” Jim asked.

“This morning at 1:45.” Pam replied. “Eight pounds, two ounces and twenty one inches long.”

He looked down at the baby again and smiled, “Wow…You kept your mother up quite late, didn’t you? What do you have to say for yourself, young lady?” The baby opened her mouth wide in a yawn. Pam giggled and rest her head against Jim’s shoulder.

“It’s okay.” she said, “she was worth it.”

“So what is her name going to be?” he asked. “Sydney is not going to work…”

“Amelia.” Pam said.

“Amelia.” Jim repeated, letting the name linger in the air. He looked down at the tiny girl in his arms. Her eyes fluttered open again and she yawned again before letting out a small mewing sound before closing her eyes again.

“Good enough confirmation for me.” Pam said with a smile.

“Then Amelia it is.” he said with a nod. He lightly touched the tip of the baby girl’s nose and smiled. “Amelia Beesly-Halpert.”

“I think she needs a middle name,” Pam said softly, gingerly touching the tip of her finger to the baby’s chin.

“You don’t think that Amelia Beesly-Halpert is a mouthful?” Jim teased.

“Oh it is,” she said, returning his smile, “I just figure we should make her extra special.”

Jim nodded thoughtfully, “I have so many boys’ names floating around in my head and so few girls’ names…”

“Maybe we should give her a family name,” she suggested.

“My grandmother’s name is Dorothy,” he shrugged. He looked down at the baby and she pushed her tongue between her lips.

Pam laughed softly, “Yeah, she doesn’t like that one.”

“My mom’s name is Larissa,” he offered. They both looked expectantly at their daughter and when the little baby made no response they turned towards one another.

“My mom’s name is Claire,” she said quietly, “what if we combined the two?”

“Larissa Claire?” he asked. “Really, Pam? Amelia Larissa Claire Beesly-Halpert?”

The baby’s eyes fully opened when Pam laughed loudly at Jim’s suggestion and she shook her head, “No, silly. Clarissa.”

“Hey,” Jim said nodding in approval, “now that is a creative combination!”

“Thanks,” Pam said proudly. “So what do you think? Amelia Clarissa?”

“I think it fits,” he said and smiled again as the baby pulled her tiny fist from her loose covering of blankets and stretched her hand up towards Jim’s chin. “Even she approves. Look at her raising her little fist in victory over her name.”

“Or she’s hungry,” she suggested with a smile, holding her arms out.

“Oh, if you insist,” he teased, carefully handing the baby over to Pam. “I have something for her anyway.”

“Oh really?” she asked.

“Well, to be fair, I wasn’t planning on giving it to her today, but I bought it soon after I had arrived in Australia,” he replied. He lifted himself from the bed and walked towards the door where he had discarded his suitcase as soon as he had walked into the room. He kneeled, his back facing Pam and the baby and started to dig through a couple of the pockets.

Pam watched curiously and whispered little things to Amelia that Jim couldn’t quite hear, but he was able to pick out the words, “Daddy” and “present” and “loves”. He smiled to himself as he continued to dig through crumpled clothes and a couple of plastic bags. He hoped that he hadn’t forgotten it in his frantic packing phase, but he was almost certain that he had put it in the suitcase and hadn’t removed it since.

Finally his fingers wrapped around the stuffed animal that he had purchased and he withdrew it victoriously.

“Ah ha!” he exclaimed, quickly returning to Pam’s side and lying the small gray and white koala bear on top of his daughters swaddled legs.

“So sweet,” Pam said quietly to herself before turning to Jim and thanking him.

“Really,” he said seriously, “I’m really, really sorry that I wasn’t here with you.”

“You did everything that you could,” she said. “I know you did. That’s all that matters, Jim.”

He nodded, he still didn’t feel validated for what had happened. He turned his gaze down towards the baby again and took a deep breath. He touched two of his fingers to her chest and felt her quick heartbeat against his fingertips.

“I promise,” he said in a quiet whisper, he wasn’t certain if it was aimed more towards Pam or Amelia. “I promise that I will always be with you. Always.”

January 28, 2010

Jim woke up at eight o’clock that morning – about an hour and a half later than he usually had – he had slept soundly through the night but the perturbed expression on Pam’s face as she continued to sleep said otherwise about her. He didn’t want to be that jerk father that slept through the night while the mother fed and changed the baby whenever it was needed. However, in the two days that they had been home with the newborn baby, he had felt pretty useless. He offered his assistance whenever he could, but there wasn’t a whole lot that he felt that he could do with the baby other than hold her and change her whenever Pam was too tied up or too tired to do it.

He rubbed his sleepy eyes and walked by Amelia’s cradle at the end of the bed and ran a finger along the side of her cheek and smiled proudly at his tiny little daughter. He was careful not to wake her as he walked past her. He wasn’t certain how many times that she had been up in the night, but he assumed the last thing that Pam needed was to be awaken again by the baby – then have it be his fault.

He walked from the room and went downstairs and the first thing that caught his eye was the red blinking light on the answering machine. He thought it was odd that he hadn’t once heard the phone ring that morning or the previous evening – or at least as far as he could remember, it hadn’t. On the other hand, they had turned off the ringer on the upstairs phone…

He pressed the “play” button and was immediately assaulted by Ryan’s vehemently angry voice.

“Where the FUCK are you, Jim Halpert?” Ryan’s voice played through the speaker. “The company in Australia has been calling since Monday wondering where the fuck you are and Michael is about to…well…I don’t know what he’s about to do, but he’s angrier than I’ve ever seen him before. You need to call or preferably come into the office as soon as possible.”

Jim just about slammed his head against the phone on the countertop. He couldn’t believe that he had actually forgotten to call into work and notify them that the baby had born. The thought that he had while leaving Australia he would be fired for missing the rest of his meetings for the week, but for some reason that thought had completely passed when he boarded the plane and his mind had gone somewhere else. Now the shocking reality that he might actually lose his job was flooding back into his mind – it was too early in the morning to deal with this.

He walked into the kitchen and poured himself a cup of coffee. He could do everything better with a little bit of coffee in him. He thought about what he would say to whomever he spoke with. The obvious thing to say was that Pam had the baby – it was a perfectly valid excuse, after all. He was certain the company wouldn’t stop without him around. Everyone had taken up his accounts while he was in Australia. With the exception of the company he had been working with in Australia, all the loose ends were tied up.

He wondered how many times someone had tried to reach him on his long-gone cell phone. He wondered how many messages he had on that phone…

A loud cry from the baby resounded down the staircase and Jim immediately set down his coffee mug and ran up the stairs, hoping that maybe he could get to the crying baby before she woke up Pam.

As he rounded the staircase though and looked through the open door of the room, Pam had already scooped the baby into her arms and was bobbing up and down trying to get the crying to cease.

“I was going to get her.” Jim said as he stood in the doorway and held his arms out towards the baby.

“No, it’s fine.” Pam said as she yawned, “I think she’s hungry.” She paused, “I hope she’s hungry…”

“You sure? Because I can take her.” he said, not lowering his arms.

“Positive.” she said with a nod as she crossed to the other side of the room and sat down in a chair next to the window.

“How many times did she wake you up during the night?” he asked as he watched as Pam calmed the baby girl.

“Three.” she yawned. “It wasn’t that bad, really.” She paused and her gaze met Jim’s, “How long have you been awake?”

“Not long.” he said. “I need to call work though.”

“I thought you were on your paternity leave.” Pam teased.

“I am.” he said. “It’s just…I may have forgotten to tell anyone that I left Australia and came back home…”

Her mouth dropped open and her eyes widened in shock. He could only imagine all of the choice words that she could throw at him for what he had done but she didn’t say anything. She simply shook her head and turned her attention back to Amelia.

“You’re not angry?” he asked, a little surprised.

“I’m not happy,” she replied quietly, “but I’m not exactly in any position to argue with you…especially now while I’m feeding her…”

“I’ll take my punishment later, then.” he said with a joking smile.

“What do you think is going to happen?” she asked quietly, not letting the subject drop so quickly.

“I don’t know.” he replied. “The company I was meeting with over there was pretty big but…I can’t really imagine that they would fire me for trying to get back to New York in order to be with my wife and be with our newborn child.”

“If you need to go to work for the next week or so, that’s okay.” she said. She didn’t visibly display it, but Jim could tell that there was disappointment in her voice.

He shook his head firmly, “No.”

“What?” she asked, her gaze meeting his again.

“No.” he replied, suddenly feeling that he needed to justify and validate himself, “I won’t go back to work. No, I deserve this break. Ever since I’ve become vice president all I do is work. I want some time with you, with the baby.”

Pam responded with a silent nod and Jim continued, “It’s just…I don’t want to be this vice president guy. I want to be a family guy.”

“What?” Pam asked, looking up at him again, her eyes a little wider than they had been.

“What?” he asked in reply.

“What did you just say?” she asked curiously.

“That I want to be a family guy.” he replied.

“I can’t believe you said that.” she said and he smiled a little at the look of disbelief on her face.

“Why?” he asked.

“It’s just…” she replied, “all the years that I’ve known you, you’ve been a working man. You’re Jim Halpert. Vice president of one of the world’s largest advertising companies and…” she stopped herself. She would have been lying if she said that she wanted him to be vice president of the company for the rest of his life. Yes, it was a great position and they really had no need to ever worry about money… However, deep down, she still wanted the life of domestic simplicity that she had grown up in and that she was certain she was going to have herself before she moved to the city and everything in her life changed.

“Penny for your thoughts before I go downstairs to get chewed out by Ryan or Michael or…” he stopped before he said Karen. He wasn’t sure if he would end up speaking to her or not, but he desperately hoped not.

“Oh.” she looked at him and shook her head, “I just…I want what you want, Jim.” He nodded and opened his mouth to say something, but Pam quickly continued to speak before he had a chance, “And you’re right. You need time here with me and Amelia. You make sure that you let Michael or whoever know that when you talk to them.”

He nodded, “Will do.”

***

He paced back and forth in the living room, his phone cradled against his ear, nervously awaiting his fate. He felt that he would much rather deal with this confrontation face-to-face in a secure meeting room. He didn’t want Pam to overhear the choice words that he often let himself blurt out while he was in heated, private meetings with Michael and Ryan. He realized that he could probably take the phone call out into the entryway that they shared with Ms. Rosen who lived next door but given her old age and the eccentric hours that she kept, he figured that she wouldn’t be anymore thrilled than Pam to hear him duking it out over the phone with someone that he worked with.

“Is everything okay, Jim?” Michael’s voice breaking the loop of musak over the line startled him. It wasn’t the greeting that he was planning on receiving at all – especially after he message that Ryan left on their home machine.

“Michael?” he replied, “Yes, everything is fine.”

“Oh thank goodness.” Michael replied with a relieved sigh. “I thought that you had gotten kidnapped by an Australian gang or your flight had mysteriously vanished somewhere around the Bermuda Triangle…”

“Michael, the Bermuda Triangle is in the Atlantic Ocean.” Jim said.

“So?” he asked.

“I flew over the Pacific Ocean.” he clarified.

“Wow. Yes. Okay, I knew that.” Michael said quickly. “So where the hell are you?”

“I’m in Manhattan.” he replied, feeling a bit more at ease.

“Then why aren’t you at work?” Michael asked sternly, Jim’s defenses starting to flare up a bit again. “Or maybe the better question would be why you are in New York and not in Australia?”

“Family emergency.” Jim stated calmly.

“Emergency?” Michael asked, the tone of his voice suddenly worried. “What’s wrong? Is everything okay? Oh no, did your mother die?”

“What?” Jim asked, “My mother?”

“No! It must be Pam!” Michael exclaimed as if he was playing a game of ‘Clue’ and trying to figure out who did which crime. “Oh god, Jim! What is wrong with Pam?”

“Nothing is wrong with Pam.” Jim stated calmly. “She just…she had the baby a couple days ago. I had to rush home in order to get here in time and…” He forcefully rubbed his fingers against his eyes. He wanted to try and forget what he had missed so desperately. He didn’t want to relive it all over again for his boss.

“And what?” Michael asked, eagerly taking the brief pause in the conversation to interject.

“And I didn’t make it in time.” Jim replied.

“Oh…” and there was a hushed silence from both of the men.

Jim heard the whimpering of a baby somewhere up the stairs and finally spoke, “Listen, Michael I really should…”

“I’ll come over there.” Michael interrupted.

“Excuse me?” Jim asked, a little dumbstruck.

“I need to discuss a few things with you, and well, obviously you can’t come into work, so I’ll come over there. Work out a couple of last minute things I was expecting you to wrap up for us in Australia.” Michael replied with confidence.

“Michael, I…I really don’t think that’s a good idea.” Jim said. He looked around the living and dining room – the place wasn’t a mess, but it certainly wasn’t as tidy as he would have wanted it to be, and he was certain that Pam wouldn’t appreciate Michael coming over.

“Nonsense!” Michael exclaimed. “After all, I can’t have a family man such as yourself leaving home when you have a baby there!”

“Exactly Michael.” Jim tried to reason. “I have a baby here. We really…I can come in. Just give me a couple of hours and I’ll be there…”

“Nope!” Michael exclaimed once more. “I just cancelled my morning appointments. I will be there in about an hour or so.”

“Wait, wait, Michael!” Jim cried into the receiver.

“Bye Jimmy! See you soon!” Michael said before there was a dull silence on the other end of the line.

“Michael!” Jim shouted, though he knew it was no use. When Michael made up his mind, he made up his mind. “Son of a bitch…”

He sat the phone back on its podium and turned around to see Pam staring at him wide-eyed with an equally wide-eyed Amelia in her arms.

“What was that about?” she asked.

“You know, the two of you have the exact same facial expression right now.” he replied, trying to lighten his now-sour mood.

“Are you in trouble?” Pam asked nervously.

“Trouble?” he replied. “I don’t know about trouble. But I should warn you that Michael has just invited himself over here.”

“He what?” she asked, her jaw dropping.

“I tried to tell him that I would go to the office but…he insisted.” he replied.

“Well you should have insisted that he stay where he is.” she said defiantly. “You think that I’m in any position to have anyone over right now? Look at me, Jim! I have this baby here needing me at any moment that she’s not asleep. I don’t think that I have any clean clothes. The place isn’t clean…”

He quickly closed the distance between the two of them and pulled her against his chest – careful not to sandwich Amelia between their two bodies – and ran a comforting hand up and down the small of her back.

“I know, I know.” he said. “We’ll…I’ll try and get him to go out to a restaurant or something.”

Pam nodded and pulled away from his embrace, “Will you take her?” She handed the baby towards Jim and he eagerly took her in his own arms. “If we’re going to have company I need to go take a shower.”

“What if she…” he started.

“Cries?” she finished. “Try and calm her down. I just fed and burped her, so she should be okay for a little while at least.”

“Okay.” he said with a small smile.

“And if by some cruel act of fate Michael arrives before I’m out of the shower…keep him down here, and please, please don’t let him touch Amelia.” she said, shaking her head with a bitter expression on her face. “I don’t know where that man has been or…who he has been with…”

“I’ll protect her.” he said.

***

Pam took a long shower, and Jim was pleased that she did. She had hardly allotted any time away from the baby since they arrived back home from the hospital. He kept careful track of the time and he paced over towards the window every five minutes, looking out for Michael. Each minute that passed that he still heard the water running, he worried that Pam wasn’t going to make it out in time to retreat with the baby to the bedroom.

The doorbell rang and the water was still running. He cursed in his mind and started silently asking Amelia to start crying again. Michael wouldn’t want to touch a crying baby – a happy, content baby though…Jim didn’t know what would happen.

He stood near the door for a moment, wondering whether he should rush upstairs with the child and lay her in her bed or if he should just answer the door. The answer came with another ring of the doorbell. He hoped that he wouldn’t have to deal with a livid Pam anytime soon…

“Michael!” Jim exclaimed, feigning happiness to see the one person he absolutely did not want to see at the moment.

“Oh my goodness, Jim! You weren’t lying!” Michael exclaimed, immediately holding out his arms towards the baby in Jim’s.

“No!” Jim exclaimed, quickly squaring off his shoulders, blocking Michael access to Amelia.

“No?” Michael asked, confused and a little surprised.

“She just…she’s not really ready for visitors just yet.” Jim replied. “The only reason I have her right now is because Pam is in the shower.”

“Oh.” Michael said as he nodded. He actually looked a little hurt.

“Come in though.” Jim said stepping aside.

“So what did you have?” Michael asked as he walked into Jim and Pam’s living room.

“What did I…” Jim replied. “Oh, the baby, you mean?”

“Yeah.” Michael asked, nodding towards Jim’s arms. “What is it? Boy or girl?”

“Girl.” Jim replied. “Amelia.”

Michael nodded with approval, as if he had any right to pass judgment in the first place and muttered a simple, “Nice.”

“Pam thought of it.” Jim said for reasons that he didn’t quite understand and he quickly noticed that the water wasn’t running anymore. “Listen, Michael. Can you sit tight here for a couple of minutes while I bring Amelia back upstairs?”

“I…” and they were both caught off-guard by the quick flurry of feet dashing down the stairs and Pam stopping very suddenly in the middle of the living room in front of the two men and the baby.

“I thought…” Pam said, flushed with embarrassment to be standing in front of Michael in only a fluffy hot-pink bathrobe. “The doorbell…”

“Michael’s here.” Jim said nervously, pointing to Michael as if Pam wasn’t staring directly at him – which she was.

“I’ll take Amelia.” Pam said, holding her arms out towards Jim. Jim seamlessly passed the baby over to Pam and she was back up the stairs in only a matter of a couple of seconds.

“She looks good.” Michael said with a look of what Jim could only pinpoint as astonishment on his face.

“Who?” Jim asked.

“Pam!” Michael exclaimed. “My god! If every woman looked like that after giving birth…wowza!”

“Wow.” Jim muttered looking towards the floor.

“I envy you, Jim Halpert.” Michael said.

“How so?” Jim asked.

“How so? How so?” Michael replied. “Oh, let’s see…you’re an extremely successful businessman.”

“So are you.” he interjected.

“And you have a gorgeous wife who is extremely talented,” Michael continued, “and now you have a gorgeous baby daughter.”

Jim nodded; he was lucky – and enviable, as Michael put it.

“You could have all of that too, Michael.” Jim said.

“No, I couldn’t.” Michael said quietly, looking towards the floor.

“Of course you could.” Jim said. “I mean, yes, you would have to find a woman who is willing to actually be with you for longer than a couple of weeks or a month and you would have to find a woman who is willing to have children…And you would have to be willing to maybe stop dating so many women…”

“I only have two girlfriends right now.” Michael said.

“Wow.” Jim said flatly. “My point exactly.”

“When I was young I used to say that I wanted dozens and dozens of kids…” Michael said wistfully. “I thought it would make me happy…” he paused and stared out the window for a brief moment. “Are you happy, Jim?”

“Very.” Jim said. “Though I would be even happier under a few added circumstances.”

“Which are?” Michael asked curiously – no doubt hoping for the secret to a happy family life.

“For you to allow me to enjoy the time I have for a paternity leave.” Jim said. “And maybe I won’t be bothered with any work stuff for the next few months.”

Michael grinned and nodded, “Whatever you say, Jimbo. But really, honestly, there needs to be some sort of repercussion for your absence at the meetings you were supposed to attend in Australia. I really shouldn’t just let it slide like this.”

“Okay, Michael,” Jim said, “let’s do a little role-play here.”

“Ooh!” Michael exclaimed happily, clapping his hands together twice, “I love role-play games!”

“Not quite what I meant…” Jim said.

“Oh.” Michael said glumly.

“Let us just pretend here that…” he thought his words over carefully. “Let us say that you are married and your wife just had a baby.”

“Is my wife Pam?” he asked eagerly. Jim shook his head and forcefully rubbed his palms against his eyes. How Michael ever became president of a multi-billion dollar company, he would never understand.

“Your wife is…whoever you want it to be.” Jim said.

“Sweet.” Michael said happily bobbing his head up and down.

“Now, why don’t we pretend that your wife is here in New York, she’s eight months pregnant and looks like she’s about to go into labor any day. In the meantime you…you are…oh…in Australia on business.” Jim explained. “You’re supposed to go to a bunch of meetings that could really, let’s face it, be done over a conference call in the city. Your boss just wanted you to travel over there for better business purposes.”

“I am the boss though, Jim.” Michael said. “Why would I send myself overseas when my wife is at home about to give birth?”

“Exactly.” Jim said.

“Exactly what?” Michael asked, shaking his head, “Jim, you are not making any sense!” Jim dropped his head and stared at the floor for a good fifteen seconds before he met Michael’s gaze again.

“Michael.” he said firmly. “Put yourself in my shoes.”

“Your feet are bigger than mine.” Michael joked.

“Michael!” Jim demanded.

“Okay, okay.” Michael said, shaking his head. “Okay, you…you make a good point.”

“I know… I know that you can take care of what I started in Sydney.” Jim said. “Some people may call me crazy for trusting you with this account, but I have faith in you. You can handle it. Please handle it.”

“But you’re the best man for the job, Jim.” Michael said.

“I can send you a few things that I still have,” Jim said, “from here. From my home. I am not going to come into the office to take care of this. You – and the rest of the company – promised me that when I returned home from Australia that I would have six months of paternity leave.”

“Yes, six months from this Friday.” Michael said seriously. “Technically, you’re not on your leave yet.”

“Today is Thursday.” Jim said. “What good is going to do for me to come in for five hours this afternoon?” Michael shrugged. “Please, please let me have the time that you and the company have allowed me. I’ll come back a day or two early at the end of these six months.”

“Okay.” Michael said nodding. “Okay, but you need to e-mail me everything that you were going to present in Australia by five this afternoon.”

“Deal.” Jim said.

Michael smiled, “Deal.” He grabbed Jim’s hand and shook it firmly. “Oh, and Jim…” He caught Michael’s gaze and for a fleeting moment dreaded that he was going to present some sort of elaborate ultimatum. Instead, he simply said, “Congratulations on the baby.”

February 27, 2010

Jim tentatively picked up a cube of cheese and sniffed at it curiously before setting it back on the platter.

“If you’re going to touch it, then eat it.” Pam muttered as she set two pale violet pillar candles on the dining room table.

“Tell me again why I’m not allowed to be here this afternoon?” Jim asked, grabbing the cube of cheese between his fingers and popping it into his mouth.

“Because it’s for women only.” she replied nonchalantly as she spread a handful of pastel colored napkins in the middle of the table in a fan shape.

“Aren’t baby showers usually held before the baby is born?” he asked, grabbing a small handful of pink and white M&Ms from a large bowl near the end of the counter and popping them one-by-one into his mouth.

Pam shrugged, “I guess…if you want to be all traditional about it.”

“And what, if anything, about you is traditional?” he teased.

“Pink decorations?” she tried hopelessly before walking over towards the small playpen that doubled as a crib in the corner of the living room and she scooped Amelia up in her arms.

“Nice try.” he said with a smile. “I just think it’s unfair that I can’t be with my daughter on her one month birthday.”

“Well, first of all, her one month birthday was two days ago. But…” Pam sighed, looking down at the baby in her arms, then back towards Jim. She knew that he would feel out of place. There was hardly going to be anyone over anyway, it would just be her, Angela, Kelly, Phyllis and maybe their mothers if they had decided they really wanted to drive into the city for the weekend. The last Pam had heard from her mother was that she was considering it, and the last she had heard from Jim’s mother she had said she would probably be there, but something may come up at the last minute.

“You can’t just parade all of these delicious appetizers under my nose and expect me not to want to join in with you guys.” he said, tapping a carrot stick against his bottom lip.

“Rumor has it that Phyllis is bringing a cheesecake sampler.” she said quietly, her lips against the top of Amelia’s golden brown wispy curls.

“Excuse me?” he asked incredulously. “Oh, I am so staying now.”

She giggled, “Okay, okay. You can stay. But! If you start feeling all squeamish around us girls squeeing and oohing and aahing, don’t say that I didn’t warn you.”

“Fair enough.” he said. “Consider me warned.”

***

“Dwight insisted on coming.” Angela muttered as she walked through the door with a large box from Pam’s favorite bakery in her arms. At first, she had barely even registered what Angela had said, she was too focused on the box that she figured would be filled with sugary petit fours or mind-numbingly sweet sugar cookies.

“Oh.” Pam said, looking at Dwight who had a large box wrapped in pink and yellow paper with little white ducks on it in his arms. “Well, Jim insisted on staying too, so I guess that he’ll have company.” She shot a glance over towards Jim, standing in the kitchen, whose eyes immediately widened. All the years that Jim had so vehemently avoided any social situation with Dwight was failing with only a simple sentence from his wife.

“Where can I put this?” Angela asked, pushing the bakery box forward slightly.

“What’s in it?” Pam asked with a wry smile.

“Sugar cookies.” Angela replied.

“I’ll take them.” Pam grinned.

“Oh…okay.” Angela said, reluctantly handing over the box. As soon as Pam had taken the box of cookies from Angela’s arms, Angela quickly wrapped her arms around her waist and Pam noticed what she hadn’t seen when she had been holding the box.

“Angela!” Pam gasped, wide eyed.

“Look at her.” Dwight said proudly, beaming from ear to ear as he wrapped his arm securely around Angela’s shoulders. “Pregnant on the very first try.”

“Congratulations you two.” was all that Pam could manage to say before she rushed behind the kitchen counter where Jim was still picking away at appetizer platters.

“What is it?” Jim asked, noticing the rather shocked look on her face.

“Angela and Dwight…” she replied. “She’s pregnant.”

“Oh my god.” Jim muttered. “You mean they’re reproducing?”

Pam’s mouth dropped open and she stifled a giggle by quickly clasping her hand over her mouth.

She composed herself quickly and swatted Jim on the shoulder, “Be nice. Dwight is staying so I’m sure that you can hear all about it.”

“Maybe I’ll take the afternoon off after all…” Jim said looking around, wondering if there was a way out.

“No. No way.” she said. “You’re job is to now keep the attention focused on me.”

Jim’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open slightly, “I don’t believe I’ve ever seen this side of you!”

“And stop eating all of the food!” she teased as she set the box of sugar cookies down on the counter next to a plate of brownies she had made earlier in the day.

He quickly ate a cracker with cheese and said through a full mouth, “What’s in the box?”

“Sugar cookies.” she replied in a whisper. “Don’t you dare touch those.”

He grinned and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek before she re-entered the dining room where Angela and Dwight had found a seat at the table.

 

“Phyllis!” Pam exclaimed as she answered the door. She pulled her co-worker into an embrace and immediately noticed the man standing behind her. “You brought…”

“Oh, I’m sorry, Pam.” Phyllis quickly explained. “This is my Bobby. He had the day off and…well, he wanted to spend it with me.”

Pam nodded and ushered Phyllis through the door, but she was immediately cornered in the door frame by Phyllis’ husband.

“Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration.” he said, holding his hand out towards Pam.

“Pam.” she replied a little shakily, unaccustomed to such a formal greeting.

He quickly passed by her, satisfied with their introduction and made his way into the dining room to introduce himself to Jim, Dwight and Angela – with the exact same greeting he had given Pam.

 

Pam opened the door and didn’t even get a word before Kelly started squealing and jumping with joy.

“Oh my god, Pam!” she cried. “You had a baby! And you had a girl! Oh I’m so excited for you! Did you know that Angela is pregnant?”

“Hi Kelly.” Pam said with a smile. “Yes, I do know that Angela is pregnant.”

“Oh, is she adorable?” Kelly asked, walking a couple steps ahead of Pam into the dining room.

“Angela?” Pam asked, confused.

“No, silly!” Kelly exclaimed. “Your baby! Is she adorable? Oh my god. Does she have Jim’s nose? Please, please tell me she doesn’t have Jim’s nose.”

“She doesn’t have Jim’s nose.” Pam said with a smile as she glanced over in Jim’s direction to where he sat in the living room.

“Oh thank goodness,” Kelly said with a sigh of relief, “because that would have been so unfortunate.”

Pam giggled and shrugged, then waited until Kelly was out of earshot before quietly telling herself, “I don’t know…I think it might have been cute.”

***

Everyone sat around in a circle on the floor, couches and chairs of Jim and Pam’s living room. The party had grown to involve a few more people than Pam had originally intended to see there. Everyone she had invited had shown up: Angela, Phyllis, Kelly, Larissa – Jim’s mother, and Claire – her mother. However, Pam had not expected Dwight to come along, or Bob Vance. She welcomed the company though. After a month of being stuck inside their home with just Jim and Amelia, she was glad to see a larger variety of friendly faces.

“Should we start opening presents?” Phyllis asked with a mischievous smile on her face as she held up a three-tiered present in front of her.

“I should probably get Amelia first.” Pam said, standing from the couch. Just as she stood to her feet though, the doorbell rang. A look of confusion immediately crossed her face and she looked around the room. Everyone was there, including some people she had never invited in the first place.

“Jim?” Pam asked, turning towards him as he took a bite out of his slice of cheesecake. “Did you…”

“I have no idea.” he answered.

“Will you get the door?” she asked. She turned to everyone else in the room and excitedly said, “I’ll grab the baby.”

She walked up the stairs to the nursery to get Amelia – she had put her down for a nap just before Angela and Dwight had arrived to the party. She had been sleeping for a while, and Pam had heard a little bit of stirring over the baby monitor while engrossed in conversations with her friends minutes earlier. No one had seen little Amelia yet and Pam was quite excited to introduce her to everyone.

As she quickly made her way back down the stairs, baby in her arms she could swear that she heard a familiar voice – a familiar voice that she was anxious not to hear from for the next few months.

“Pamcasso!” Andy exclaimed as Pam rounded the corner of the stairs. Amelia let out a noise that sounded like a cross between a cry and a laugh and Pam stood speechless as she stared at Andy.

“Andy!” she finally said, staring wide-eyed at him. “What are you…how did you…what…”

“Oh god, Pam.” Phyllis muttered from the living room. “I’m sorry.”

“I overheard Phyllis talking about this one day at work, and then I saw the invitation hanging on her computer.” Andy explained. “And I figured…hey! A chance to see my lovely Pamcasso and her lovely little Pamcassoette!”

“Pamcasso what?” Pam asked.

“I’ll come up with a better nickname later.” he replied. “The point right now is…I made it!”

“Well…welcome.” Pam said with a bit of uncertainty, waving her hand over towards the crowd of rather confused people sitting around in the living room. “Everyone.” she said, addressing her guests. “This is Andy Bernard. I…uh…he shares an office with Phyllis and me at the publishing company.”

Everyone mumbled an uncertain, somewhat confused “hello” to Andy as he joined everyone in the living room and took a seat on the carpet next to Kelly.

“Andrew Bernard.” he said as he turned to her and held out his hand.

“Kelly Kapoor.” she said, taking his hand and smiling earnestly.

“How do you know Pam?” he asked as he watched Pam take a seat between Jim and Phyllis on the sofa.

“I used to waitress with her at Dwight’s restaurant.” Kelly said.

“Who is Dwight?” Andy asked.

“Dwight Schrute.” Dwight replied immediately, leaning down from an armchair and extending his hand towards Andy.

“You’re Dwight?” Andy asked.

“Yes, I am Dwight Schrute.” he replied and smiled in satisfaction with Andy’s firm handshake.

“Presents!” Phyllis exclaimed happily, turning back to the subject matter that had been brought up before Andy’s arrival.

“Me first!” Andy and Dwight cried in unison.

“You both brought gifts?” Pam asked incredulously, staring wide-eyed at the two men across the room from her.

“I thought that we would go clockwise.” Phyllis said.

“Of course you’d say that, Phyllis,” Andy said, “you’re sitting right next to her.”

“Well, it would be easier.” Phyllis argued.

“I like that idea.” Pam said, nodding happily. “But before I open anything, I want to take the opportunity to introduce Miss Amelia to you all.”

“She is so cute, Pam!” Kelly squealed, clasping her hands together at her chest and grinning wide.

“She looks just like you.” Phyllis said quietly. She quickly leaned forward to catch Jim’s gaze before she added, “And Jim, she definitely has your eyes.”

“Thank you, Phyllis.” Jim said quietly, with a proud nod.

“So…do I get the three tiered present first?” Pam asked excitedly. She quickly turned to Jim and held Amelia out to him.

“I don’t get to open the presents?” he teased as he took Amelia into his own arms and held her up on his lap.

Pam giggled, “I’m feeling greedy today.”

Phyllis passed the three tiered gift over into Pam’s lap and Pam greedily eyed the three boxes, each wrapped in a pastel pink and white wrapping paper with a big yellow ribbon holding them together.

“The top two are for Amelia,” Phyllis explained, “the one on the bottom is for you.” She quickly looked over at Jim. “Sorry Jim, if I had known you were going to be here, I would have gotten something for you too.”

Jim waved his hand, “No, no, it’s fine.” He pointed towards the box of half-eaten chocolate raspberry cheesecake sitting on the coffee table. “The cheesecake is my present.”

“So should I open mine or Amelia’s first?” Pam contemplated aloud. She quickly made up her mind to open the top two first. She deftly untied the ribbon at the top and picked the first box off from the top of the pile. It was a small box and very light. Pam quickly removed the paper and pulled the lid from the top. She nearly squealed and quickly covered her mouth as she saw what lay inside.

“Oh my god, Phyllis.” Pam said, holding the pink and blue baby jumper up by the straps for everyone in the room to see. “This is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen. Did you knit it yourself?”

“I did.” Phyllis said happily. “She’s probably too small for it right now, but it will fit her in a month or two.”

“Thank you.” Pam said with a grin as she quickly progressed to the second box and opened that. Again, she gasped aloud and gingerly touched the fabric that lay inside the box with the tips of her fingers.

“You did not make this too, did you?” Pam asked, running her fingers over the knit, cotton blanket. Phyllis nodded and Pam resisted the urge to throw her arms around Phyllis to show her gratitude. Pam shook her head and stammered before giving Phyllis a very heartfelt, “thank you” and handing the blanket over to Jim who spread the blanket out over his lap and handed Amelia a corner to play with.

The last gift from Phyllis – for Pam – was a large clear box filled with two large balls of yarn, a set of knitting needles and a couple of simple knitting patterns.

“I know that you’re going to be stuck inside a lot for the next few months.” Phyllis explained. “I don’t know if you have any desire at all to learn to knit, but it could help you pass the time.”

Pam nodded and thanked Phyllis for her gifts and Jim’s mother quickly handed her gift over to Pam, and her present was immediately followed by a gift from Pam’s mother.

“You both already gave me gifts.” Pam said with a smile as she took the two packages into her lap. “And Larissa, you gave us that amazing stroller! Why…why more?”

“Why not?” Larissa said with a smile.

Pam grinned and quickly tore the wrapping paper off of the large box while Jim watched curiously from next to her. When the paper was removed, he started to laugh to himself as he looked down at the full set of Sesame Street dinnerware complete with a matching bib. Pam glanced over at the sound of Jim’s snickering then suddenly realized why he was so amused by the gift – it was almost an exact duplicate of the entire set of children’s dinnerware that he had given to Dwight as a prank at The Golden Beet. She held back her own laugh and graciously thanked Jim’s mother before moving onto the gift from her own mother.

“It feels like a book.” she said as she ran her hands along the side of the wrapping paper. She pulled the paper away from the gift and looked down at the baby book in her lap.

“I filled it up with a few things already.” her mother said. Pam opened up the cover and saw that her mother had already embellished the entire first page with Amelia’s name and a few pictures that Pam had sent throughout the first month.

“Thank you, mom!” she exclaimed as she closed the cover and Phyllis placed a small bag next to Pam’s lap.

“From Angela.” Phyllis said as Pam pulled out a handful of purple tissue paper and immediately saw five, small paperback books inside.

“They’re all about cats.” Jim said as Pam took each book out of the bag one-by-one and displayed the covers to him.

“Cats are wonderful animals to have around small children.” Angela said. Pam smiled as she pulled a stuffed orange tabby from the bottom of the bag and handed it over towards Amelia who immediately squealed in delight at the toy and grasped at the paws of the cat.

“Well…thank you, Angela.” Pam said as she set the empty bag on the floor and placed the books on the coffee table.

“And this is from…” Phyllis said as she passed a large rectangular gift wrapped in a green paper to Pam. “There’s no tag.”

“That is from me.” Dwight said, raising his hand.

“You got me a gift?” Pam asked, not sure if she should be touched or apprehensive.

“Of course.” Dwight replied. “I figured that I should pass along some of my family traditions.”

“But you’re having a baby in a few months.” Pam said, pointing towards Angela.

“Doesn’t mean that I can’t pass on some family traditions to another family.” he argued. Pam shrugged and nodded before tearing the paper from the package. She stared down at a faded book in her arms that looked older than she was.

“What is it?” she asked, running her finger down the cracked leather spine of the book.

“It’s an English version of a book of Germanic fairytales and folklore that my Großmutter read to me as a child.” he explained. “I have the German version at home that I plan to read to my children…I figured you don’t know any, so I didn’t have any problems parting with this one.”

“Wow.” she and Jim said in unison as they stared down at the book. Regardless, Pam thanked him for the gift, though she felt it may have been a little less heartfelt than the thanks she had already given and before she could say another word, Phyllis was pushing an enormous, hot pink bag into Pam’s lap and Kelly was practically shaking with excitement.

“Let me guess.” Pam said looking over in Kelly’s direction. “This one is from…”

“It’s from me!” Kelly exclaimed loudly as she jumped onto her knees and walked herself a little closer to the coffee table. Pam smiled and pulled a large leather bag from the bag and turned it back and forth.

“Okay, okay.” Kelly said quickly before Pam had a chance to say anything, “I know what you’re thinking. ‘Kelly, oh my god! Why did you get me a diaper bag? I already have a diaper bag, silly!’ But no! Oh my god, Pam. Pam! This diaper bag is like the hottest diaper bag that you will ever see. Just last week, I was looking through People magazine and Angelina Jolie had the cutest diaper bag and I was like, ‘Oh my god! Where did she get that? Where can I get one?’ and then I realized that, duh, silly, I don’t have a baby! But then I realized that you do! And I just couldn’t let you get by without this.”

Pam, Jim and…well, just about everyone else sitting around them had a look of shock as Kelly spoke. Finally, Pam said, “Wow…thanks, Kelly. I…I don’t think I even own a purse this nice.”

“Well there’s more!” Kelly exclaimed happily.

“There’s more?” Pam asked, already shocked that Kelly had spent…well, she wasn’t quite sure how much Kelly had spent on the diaper bag, but judging by the looks of it and the price that she had seen similar bags sold at; Pam figured it was a lot.

Pam rifled through the bag but only found mounds and mounds of pink tissue paper.

“It’s in the diaper bag.” Kelly said, pointing towards the zipper.

“Oh.” Pam said, opening the bag and finding a card inside. She quickly opened the card and quickly read over the decorative printing.

“Classes?” Jim asked curiously.

“Yeah!” Kelly replied. “They have a whole bunch that you can choose from. For a baby Amelia’s age they have like, sign language classes or something like that so you can communicate with your baby before they start talking…and I think they have another one too. But once they get older, you can take them to painting classes and stuff like that! That gift certificate is good for a year, so you can take her to do whatever you want.”

“Wow.” Pam said with a smile, trying to even fathom how much money Kelly had spent on the gift. “This is all…this is really amazing, Kelly. Thank you.” She silently wondered how on earth she was ever going to repay her for the expensive gifts. Thanking her would require more than a card from Hallmark. She quickly made a mental note to figure out where Kelly’s favorite restaurant was; she would take her out for a nice lunch or dinner, maybe even drinks in order to thank her for the gifts.

“Of course! I hope that you enjoy them.” Kelly said with a smile as she returned to her previous spot on the floor between the armchair and Andy.

“So is that…” she looked around the circle towards everyone. “Oh wait, Andy! You said that you had something, right?”

“Oh, yeah.” he said, pulling a small box from his lap and handing across the coffee table to Pam. “It’s no…diaper bag or anything like that…”

Pam unwrapped the gift and smiled at the Baby Einstein CD in her hands. She silently thanked that it was as tame as this.

“I was going to get the little tyke a recorder or something like that.” Andy said while shrugging. “But I figured that she really wouldn’t get much use of it until she got a little older. A CD was the next best thing.”

“Thank you.” Pam said with a gracious smile. She was thrilled that he hadn’t gotten Amelia a recorder – she and Jim would have never heard the end of that one once Amelia reached the age that she would actually be able to blow into it. Pam was even more thrilled that he had gotten her something age appropriate. Pam started to think that maybe she hadn’t given Andy enough credit. When she glanced over towards Jim, beaming proudly and carrying on a conversation with Andy, she realized that he was probably thinking the same thing himself.

***

Phyllis and Bob Vance were the last people to leave that evening. Everyone stayed until nearly eight at night, and by that time Pam was exhausted and sleepy and she had put Amelia to sleep two hours earlier.

Pam sat cross-legged on the couch, chewing on a sugar cookie with the baby blanket that Phyllis had knit for Amelia spread out across her lap. She touched the small embroidered animals and smiled. It was quite possibly one of the nicest, most heartfelt gifts that she had ever received from a friend before. It was definitely something that Amelia would be able to keep for the rest of her life – willing she didn’t chew it to shreds at some point during her infancy.

“Well, Pam,” Phyllis said, sitting next to Pam on the sofa, “I think that Bobby and I are going to have to be on our way soon.” Pam silently nodded. “I’m really sorry that Andy showed up. I never thought that he would actually snoop around my desk and figure out the date and time of your shower.”

“No,” Pam said, shaking her head, “it’s okay. I…he wasn’t all that bad. Which really, is kind of shocking. I’ve been working with you two for how long now? Two years? I never realized that he was…”

“Human?” Phyllis finished and Pam laughed.

“Something like that.” she said, smiling.

“Well, I just wanted to take this last opportunity to tell you how beautiful Amelia is.” Phyllis said. “I could go on forever telling you how lucky you and Jim are. Of course, you already know that.” Pam nodded again. “And you know, if you ever need a babysitter.”

Pam’s gaze immediately focused in on Phyllis, “Really?”

“Of course.” Phyllis replied. “Especially if you have no one else in mind. Obviously, once you start working again, I can’t volunteer myself during the day. But if you and Jim ever want a night out, Bobby and I would be more than happy to look after her. We both love children, but we can’t exactly have any of our own at our age.”

“You could adopt.” Pam argued and Phyllis shook her head.

“As much as we’d love to, by the time we had the money and went through the selection process…” she shook her head again. “We’re happy being childless. We have plenty of people in our lives with children.”

Pam nodded, but she still felt some remorse for her friend – her friend that had been so kind to her at work, her friend that did so many kind things for her outside of work…

“Phyllis.” Pam said, an idea popping into her mind suddenly.

“What is it?” Phyllis asked.

“Well, I’ll have to discuss it more with Jim, and we’re not religious or anything…so it wouldn’t have the same connotation as it normally would but…” Pam replied. “Would you be interested in being Amelia’s godmother?”

Phyllis’ face brightened immediately and she beamed, “I would love to!”

“Like I said, I’ll have to talk with Jim about it,” Pam said quickly, “but I don’t know why he would have any problem with it.”

“That is so sweet of you.” Phyllis said. “And my offer to baby-sit…”

“Yes.” Pam said nodding. “You are definitely first in line. Kelly volunteered, but…well, I think that I will feel a little more confident with you than Kelly.” She laughed softly to herself. “And I’ll try not to abuse your offer.”

“Oh, don’t worry.” Phyllis said with a smile. She looked over her shoulder as Bob called for her from the door. “I guess Bobby wants to leave.”

“I think that it’s about time for me to sleep, anyway.” Pam said, standing up with Phyllis and walking with her to the door. “Thank you for coming, both of you.”

She and Jim waved them out and then quickly returned inside where it was warm.

“So that was a baby shower?” he asked as he looked around their living and dining room at platters of half-eaten appetizers and two boxes that were empty of their desserts with the exception of some frosting coating the cardboard.

“That,” Pam said with a smile, “was a baby shower.”

“I kind of liked it.” Jim said, nodding. “I’ll clean up, okay? You can go to bed, you look exhausted.”

“Thanks.” she said, wrapping her arms around his waist tightly and pressing her lips softly against his.

“Sleep tight.” he said as she pulled away and started walking towards the stairs.

“I will.” she said. She walked up the first step and quickly turned back around. “Oh, and Jim?” He turned towards her with an expectant look on his face. “We have a babysitter for whenever we may need one.” She quickly winked at him and giggled at his wide grin before facing forward once more and she made her way to the bedroom.

April 16, 2010

Pam lifted up Amelia’s jumper to change her diaper and groaned. She quickly covered Amelia’s ears and muttered a few curses before removing her hands from the sides of her daughter’s head and she made quick work of the dirty diaper.

Jim quickly snuck up behind Pam and tickled at her sides as she pinned one side of the diaper closed. Pam squealed loudly in surprise and stepped aside, her brow knitting together in frustration as Jim pushed her out of the way and started cooing at Amelia.

“How is my little Mia-Melia doing?” he asked as he tickled Amelia’s tummy.

“Jim, you need to learn how to fasten her diapers right.” Pam replied in an irritated tone as she stepped aside from the changing table and handed Jim a teddy bear diaper pin.

“What do you mean ‘right’?” he asked. “All the…everything stays inside, doesn’t it? She isn’t leaking. I don’t know what isn’t ‘right’ about that.”

“You’re not fastening them tight enough,” she insisted, “you have to pin the diapers closer to her legs.”

“I don’t know, it always looks fine to me.” he said with a shrug and pinned the teddy bear pin through the other side of Amelia’s diaper.

“Oh sure.” she said, rolling her eyes. “You do it fine when I’m watching.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” he said, patting the baby on her stomach and grinning down at her. “She’s fine. If anything, I’m just allowing her little legs and little bum to breathe a little better.”

“Fine,” she said, throwing her hands down to her sides, “but if she starts to poo all over you don’t come crying to me about it.”

He dropped Amelia’s jumper back around her knees and lifted her from the changing table and followed Pam to the door.

“I’ve been fastening her diapers that way for the past couple months.” he insisted. “If you really have a problem with it, why don’t you just let me use the regular diapers that most normal people buy from the grocery store?”

“Because those irritate her.” Pam argued. “She hasn’t had any problems with diaper rash since the pediatrician suggested trying cloth diapers. I would kind of like to keep things that way.”

“There are other kinds of diapers out there that don’t require pins.” he said. “Why don’t we get some of those?”

Pam shrugged and quickly started walking down the stairs, Jim still followed closely behind her, Amelia giggling and gurgling in his arms.

“Maybe.” she said shortly.

“Is it really bothering you?” he asked, following her into the kitchen and hovering over her from behind as she reached into a box of cookies and grabbed a flower-shaped cookie coated in bright blue frosting.

She shrugged in reply and didn’t turn around as she silently ate.

“I just don’t understand why you haven’t brought it up before now, is all.” he said quietly before leaving her side and walked into the living room. He sat Amelia on his lap, facing him and started to coo at her again, loving each little giggle and shriek that came from her mouth.

“You like the way I fasten your diapers, don’t you?” he cooed. “Don’t you?” Amelia giggled loudly and clapped her hands in front of her once. He glanced over his shoulder and commented, “See? Amelia doesn’t mind!” He wasn’t expecting the seething glance that he received from Pam in reply and he immediately silenced himself and turned back to the baby. He nodded, “We shouldn’t talk about this anymore.” he said in a whisper to the little girl.

***

Jim left the house the latter part of the afternoon. Pam was delighted to have him out of her hair for a few hours, but the fact that he left, left her alone with the baby…again…it really only made her foul mood worse.

She had just gotten Amelia to sleep when she heard the front door open and close and she knew that Jim was finally home. She figured that he would spot the food from her dinner that she had left for him on the counter and he would be a few minutes before he came up to say his goodnights to their daughter.

Pam gently laid the baby in her crib and grabbed the small stuffed koala she normally tucked in near Amelia’s side every evening. However, for whatever reason, the koala made her angry this evening. Instead of tucking Coco – the koala – near Amelia she furiously turned around and was surprised to see Jim standing casually in the doorframe. All the while, she had the stuffed animal gripped tightly in her hand.

“Hey, I have a…” he began before he was cut off by Pam.

“Where were you?” she asked in an angry, hushed voice.

“I got you somethi…” he paused and noticed Coco the koala in her fist. “What are you doing with Coco, there? Did Mia-Melia get it ucky again?”

“We can’t let her sleep with this.” she said angrily.

“But she’s been…” he stammered, but was soon caught completely off-guard as Pam hurled the stuffed animal at him and he caught it against his stomach and stared at her wide-eyed and completely shocked.

“Babies shouldn’t sleep with anything, Jim.” she lectured. “If she rolls over in her sleep, she could suffocate on a stuffed animal. Jim, she could suffocate! Do you want our daughter to die of suffocation?”

His mouth dropped open and he stammered incoherently before lamely stating, “Well, no.”

“Okay, good, then we’re agreed.” she said, pushing past him and walking out into the hallway.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” Jim asked, rather suddenly, joining Pam outside of the bedroom door. If they were going to argue, at least they could argue out in the hall where they wouldn’t wake the baby Pam had just gotten to sleep.

“What the hell has gotten into you?” she spat right back at him.

“No.” he said firmly. “You first.” He shook the koala bear in front of her angrily, “Amelia has slept with this since the day she was born. She’s three months old and you’re worried about this now?”

“It’s a valid concern, Jim.” she said.

“No.” he said simply, shaking his head as he incredulously stared at her.

“No?” she asked. “No?!”

He shook his head, a hurt expression written across his facial features. He held the koala bear out towards Pam and her face immediately dropped, the realization of what she had done hitting her hard.

“Oh my god.” she said, quickly covering her mouth and her gaze traveled to the floor.

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” he asked quietly.

“I’m so sorry.” she replied in a whisper taking Coco and walking back into the room to Amelia’s crib.

Once she tucked the stuffed animal in the crib with the baby, she turned to face Jim again.

“I wasn’t thinking.” she said, shaking her head.

“It’s okay.” he said with a weak smile.

She knew that the koala bear, to Jim, was almost like an extension of him. Pam spent so much time with the baby all day that he didn’t quite feel like he was the best father that he could be. He wanted to spend more time with Amelia, but there were only so many things that a father could do with his three month old daughter. And unfortunately, most of the things that he did – like changing her diapers – Pam was usually able to find something to nitpick about. The koala was the one thing that he had done perfectly and when the baby slept with the animal at night…in an odd way, Jim felt like she was sleeping with a part of him.

“So what’s wrong?” he asked quietly, stepping away from the crib, back towards the door in case voices were raised again.

“No, it’s…silly.” she said, shaking her head, following him out the door.

“So silly that you’re throwing stuffed animals at me and accusing me of conspiring against our own daughter?” he teased, though as soon as he said it, he regretted it.

She sighed and rubbed her hands against her eyes, then brushed some of the stray strands of hair off of her forehead.

“I feel kind of trapped.” she said quietly, though she wasn’t speaking softly on account of the sleeping baby. She really felt quite apprehensive about saying it.

“How long have you felt ‘trapped’?” he asked.

Pam laughed shortly – sarcastically, a little bitterly, “Since before Amelia was born.”

Jim frowned, he should have noticed it sooner and he felt kind of awful that it wasn’t immediately clear until she had said so.

“But what can I do about it?” she continued. “It’s not like I can just up and leave for a day.”

“Why not?” he asked.

“Um…” she replied and pointed to her chest, “these?”

He chuckled and shook his head, “I believe there is this fancy new invention called ‘the bottle’. Actually! I think that we have several downstairs in the kitchen.”

“Don’t patronize me.” she said with a weak smile.

“Sorry.” he said looking towards the floor.

“No, it’s just…” she said, “I know that we have bottles and I know that we have barely even used them but…I don’t know, I feel bad leaving her alone for more than a few hours.”

“You don’t think that I can take care of her?” Jim asked. He felt like it needed to be asked – no matter how dangerous the question might be.

“No! No, not at all!” she immediately replied. “I just…I don’t know. It’s totally irrational.”

“Okay.” he said nodding. “What will make you feel a little better?”

“A day out?” she asked apprehensively.

“With who?” he asked.

“You want me to say you.” she replied with a smile.

“It can be me,” he said, shrugging, “it can be Phyllis, it can be Kelly. Hell, it can be Dwight if you really want to spend the day with him.”

She quickly shook her head, “No. I definitely do not want to spend the day with Dwight.”

“Then…” he prompted.

“I don’t know.” she said. “Maybe I just need a day to myself. Go off and paint in the park or something.”

He nodded and said, “I think it’s a great idea. Whatever you may decide.”

“Thanks.” she said, smiling, feeling much better than she had only minutes earlier. “So speaking of going out and about…where were you all evening?”

“Shopping.” he replied.

“Yeah right.” she said, smiling.

“No, I’m serious.” he said as he walked towards the stairs and beckoned her to follow him. They walked down the stairs together and she noticed a large bag from her favorite baby boutique in the city sitting near the sofa.

“You did not.” she said with a grin, as she watched him walk to the bag.

“Since you put up such a fight about the diapers.” he said, sitting on the couch and reaching into the bag. “Come here.”

She quickly joined him on the sofa and watched him expectantly as he pulled a couple of items wrapped in tissue paper from the bag.

“Diapers.” he said, handing her a small pack of cloth diapers.

“We have plenty of diapers.” she stated lamely.

“Ah, yes,” he said nodding, “but these are not like the rest. These do not require pins! You are currently holding the Velcro diapers.”

“There are more?” she asked with a smile.

“Oh yes.” he replied, grabbing another pack of diapers from the bag and setting them in her lap.

She giggled loudly as she looked at the colorful diapers that he withdrew from the bag.

“Okay.” she said holding up the diaper that looked more like a stuffed animal than anything else. “This? This is the cutest diaper I’ve ever seen.”

“I thought you’d enjoy that.” he said, grinning. “And the best part? No pins! They snap closed.”

She smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders and kissed him on the cheek.

“You’ve done a perfectly good job at pinning her diapers.” she said.

“Well…” he contemplated, “now I never have to worry about it again.”

She laughed, “No, I guess not.” She ran her hand over the soft fleece in her lap. “Thanks.”

“Thanking me for diapers.” he said shaking his head. “You really need to get out more.”

She laughed once more, “Yeah…yeah, I do.”

June 5, 2010

“Pam!” Jim called up the stairs, while bouncing a crying Amelia in his arms. “Phyllis is here!”

“I heard the bell.” Pam called back. “I’ll be down in just a second.”

She scattered a small box of earrings out across the top of the dresser. She needed to find a pair that matched to wear for the evening. Something that looked nice with the dress and something that would hopefully distract from the sleepy look on her face she was convinced would be stuck and haunting her for the next ten years.

She suddenly heard a flurry of feet coming up the stairs, and Amelia’s crying sounded a bit more distant.

“Where…?” Pam stared at Jim as he rushed into the bedroom the grab Coco from the bed.

“I gave her to Phyllis.” Jim said, breathing hard. “I figure if she’s going to be stuck with the baby for the rest of the evening, she might as well try and figure out the secret to getting her quiet.”

“So you’re just leaving her alone with a screaming Amelia?” she asked, wide-eyed.

“Leaving her alone while I grabbed Coco here,” he replied. “And we both know that Coco should calm her down a bit.”

“Still, that doesn’t sound very nice…leaving Phyllis all alone.” Pam said quietly. She watched as Jim started to make his way back towards the door, but she quickly grabbed him by the elbow and he whirled around to face her. “Jim.”

“Pam.” he imitated.

“Take a deep breath,” she said, “and slow down.” He inhaled and exhaled loudly, staring at Pam expectantly. “Okay, now tell me what you think of this dress?”

“It’s a little late to be changing your mind, isn’t it?” he said, his gaze quickly flickering up and down.

“Tell me the truth.” she said, turning. “My ass is huge.”

“Your ass is perfect.” he said quickly as he leaned forward and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “But I need to get downstairs. I want to try and calm Amelia down before we leave. I’d hate for her to scare Phyllis away.”

“I think that it will take a lot more than a crying baby to scare away Phyllis.” she said with a smile. “Keep in mind this is the same woman who has worked in the same room – daily – with Andy Bernard for the past six years.”

“I thought you were going to cut him a break?” Jim asked with a smirk.

“Old habits.” Pam replied with a shrug and she giggled as she watched him quickly bolt back down the stairs.

It was their first night out together in several months. Pam was nervous about leaving Amelia with a babysitter when she was still so young, but the night out was crucial – in more than one way.

They needed the night out for some time away from the baby. Pam often found herself slipping further and further into the realm of a stay-at-home mother. She often found herself doing work – for her job – while Amelia was sleeping, just so when she actually returned to the office after her maternity leave it wouldn’t come as such a shock.

The night out was important for Jim though, too. His reasons, however, were vastly different from Pam’s. That evening, they were attending the advertising company’s annual dinner gala and Jim had been coerced into going. Michael had chided him into attending, first telling Jim that he owed it to the company. When Jim argued that he didn’t really want their first night out to be at a business affair, Michael raised the stakes – a lot – telling Jim that if he did not attend, that Jim would be risking his job. On the one hand, Jim had figured that what Michael told him was extremely gutsy and he started to wonder if he could actually get Michael in trouble for what he had said. On the other hand, Michael wouldn’t have said what he had said unless it was really important for Jim to attend. So in the end, Jim had happily – or as happily as he could – told Pam that he would buy her a new dress and that they would go out for their first evening together since the baby had been born.

Pam had been thrilled and…well…a little less than thrilled when Jim told her. She had hoped that their first night out together would have been a nice, quiet dinner, the two of them alone and the idea of breastfeeding and crying babies thrown aside for a few hours. She had not expected an evening of celebrities, wealthy businesspeople and all of Jim’s co-workers. What made it even worse was knowing Jim had been coerced into going. Pam hadn’t been happy about the circumstances that were causing them to attend the gala, but they definitely made her more willing. Regardless of the situation, Jim promised her that they would make the best out of it, and she was prepared to have him stick to his word.

She returned her attention to her reflection in the mirror and started to hum the tune of “You Give Me Fever” as she hooked a pair of sparkling earrings through her ears. She was almost certain that at this point she was trying to tune out the sound of Amelia. She wondered what the night was going to be like. Would she still hear Amelia’s cries in the back of her mind as she ate her dinner? Was she going to feel relieved to be out of the house or was she going to feel the need to retreat back to safety?

Her thoughts were quickly interrupted by the sound of a flurry of feet on the stairs again and Jim quickly rounded the door to the bedroom, visibly out of breath and an exasperated look on his face.

“Coco didn’t work,” he said, breathing heavily.

“Coco doesn’t always work,” she said quietly, already trying to distance herself from home and picturing a room full of adults.

“Do you have any suggestions for what might do the trick?” he asked desperately.

“Why are you so wound up about it?” she asked in reply. “Phyllis can handle a baby, I’m sure of it.”

“Even if that baby is…” he began.

“Screaming all night?” she finished for him. “Yes.”

“I just don’t want to lose our one chance of freedom.” he said.

“I wouldn’t call a room full of business people ‘freedom’.” she said.

“No.” he said, shaking his head, “I mean Phyllis. I don’t want to lose her as our babysitter.”

“We won’t.” Pam said with a smile as she turned towards Jim.

“How on earth are you so calm right now?” he asked, staring at her wide-eyed.

“I’m distancing myself from reality.” she replied with a smile as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

“Oh yeah?” he asked. “How does one do that exactly?”

“Lots of practice.” she replied.

“Well, I’m impressed,” he said, “because right now all I can hear is a screaming…”

His train of thought completely stopped mid-sentence and even Pam cocked her head to the side. Silence.

“What’s happened?” he asked nervously.

“She stopped crying.” Pam replied with an open-mouthed smile.

“Oh that is it.” Jim said with a smile that matched Pam’s, “Phyllis is babysitting all the time from now on.”

***

Pam blindly followed Jim as they made their way through the enormous dinner hall to their table.

“I don’t look…” she began.

“You look gorgeous.” he finished for her, kissing her on the temple of her forehead.

“I’m still carrying the baby weight.” she said in a hushed voice as the two of them walked past a woman who was far too thin to be considered healthy.

“Don’t be silly.” he said, wrapping his arm around her waist. His head popped up and he raised his hand, waving to someone she couldn’t quite see.

When he didn’t follow up the statement with anything else, Pam spoke up, “Is that all you’re going to say?”

“What?” he asked. “You look amazing, Pam. I can guarantee you that if any woman had a choice of what they could look like five months after having a baby…” he waved towards someone else that she couldn’t see, “Well, let’s just say you would be the poster child.”

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or not.” she muttered flatly.

“Pam.” he said seriously, staring at her purposefully. “You look amazing tonight. You look amazing every night.”

She stammered at his comment. Her mouth dropped open as if she was about to say something, but nothing come out. Jim could swear that he could see a twinge of pink in her cheeks and he smiled.

“And just as fair warning,” he continued, a little less seriously, “if Michael says anything lewd about your chest or really any other part of your body…”

“Excuse me?” she asked, a smile starting to tug at the corners of her lips.

“Well, just know he means it.” he finished.

She nodded and laughed softly, her gaze starting to fall towards the floor just as Jim stopped in front of a round table and pulled out a chair for Pam.

“We’re not very close to the stage.” she remarked.

“So?” he asked.

“Well, it’s just usually,” she replied, “at least the last few times we’ve come to this event, we’ve always sat closer to the front.”

“I guess that they’re working on a celebrity versus commoner dichotomy this year.” he joked, as he glanced at the rows of tables in front of them filled with vaguely familiar faces of celebrity sponsors and various endorsers.

“Seems odd that the company that is sponsoring such a lavish event wouldn’t place their employees at the front, is all.” Pam said as she started to take her seat, but stopped mid-descent when she heard Michael’s voice.

“James Halpert! Does your wife know that you have brought another woman to this event?” Michael asked indignantly.

“Excuse me?” Pam asked in a loud voice, her eyes were wide with surprise.

“Whoa! Pam!” Michael exclaimed, throwing his hands up towards his shoulders as if to say ‘I surrender!’. “Sorry, I didn’t realize it was…wow!”

“Michael…” Jim said, a twinge of warning in his voice.

“Where did that ass of yours come from?” Michael asked loudly, a little too loudly. “I mean, you looked good before but damn!”

“Oh my god.” Pam said as she quickly turned to the side and buried her face in her hands and tried to wipe the red of embarrassment from her cheeks.

Jim watched with horrified amusement as Michael’s date practically mimicked Pam’s reaction to Michael’s statement. Quite frankly, Jim was surprised that the mystery woman hadn’t slapped Michael across the face. Actually, he was also a little surprised that Pam hadn’t slapped Michael either.

After what felt like an eternity of awkward silence between the four people, Michael stepped forward with a little more bravado than before and introduced the woman he was with.

“Jim, Pam.” he said, pressing his hand against his date’s back and gently pushing her forward. “This is the lovely Jan Levinson.”

“Nice to meet you.” Jim said, extending his hand towards hers.

“You too.” Jan said, smiling and shaking his hand amiably.

“And this…” Jim began.

“I’m Pam.” she said, shaking Jan’s hand earnestly. “And though Michael may have you believe otherwise, I am Jim’s wife.”

“Very nice to meet you.” Jan said with a smile and her gaze lowered to Pam’s dress. “And your dress is…” Pam braced herself for the worst from the gorgeous blonde woman wearing an equally gorgeous satiny blue dress. Pam was surprised when Jan said, “Well, that dress is absolutely beautiful.”

Pam didn’t say anything immediately, simply by reason of sheer surprise. She soon felt her face flush pink again and she bowed her head down a little before beaming proudly and saying, “Thank you.” as generously as she could.

Finally, Pam took her seat in the chair that Jim had withdrawn for her. Jim sat next to her and Michael quickly took the seat next to Jim before anyone else could claim it. Immediately, Michael scooted his chair close to Jim and leaned in towards his shoulder.

“What are you…” Jim asked, startled by Michael’s close proximity.

“I’m so glad you made it.” Michael whispered in reply.

“Yeah.” Jim said, but not without a bit of hesitation. “Do you mind…”

“How do you keep your hands off of her?” Michael asked, his line of sight in direct alignment with Pam’s chest; though she was oblivious to the stare as she was in the middle of a drink order with a member of the wait staff.

“What?” Jim asked, glancing in Pam’s direction. “Are you staring at her…”

“She is magnificent.” Michael replied.

“You are so creepy sometimes, Michael.” Jim said, pushing him away by the shoulder. “Why don’t you tell me a little about Jan here?”

“She’s got nothing on Pam.” Michael muttered quietly, just out of earshot from Jan.

“Wow.” Jim said as he shook his head. “This conversation is over.”

“She’s got nice boobs.” Michael whispered in Jim’s ear before completely turning his attention away towards Jan.

Sadly, it would not be the only time that evening that Jim wished he could be anywhere but at that table and at that gala.

***

Pam stood near the restrooms, waiting for the ladies room to become available. She had only had one glass of wine with her dinner that evening – it was all she was willing to risk drinking considering she was still breastfeeding – and she figured that the liquid must have rushed right through her. She couldn’t remember having had to pee this badly since her pregnancy.

Impatiently, she knocked on the door of the ladies room once more.

“Fuck! Give me one more second!” an oddly familiar voice from behind the door shouted.

Pam’s forehead furrowed in curiosity. Certainly it couldn’t be…

The door swung open and her eyes immediately widened as Karen stopped in the middle of the doorway and gasped, “Pam!”

“Hi.” Pam said in stunned surprise. She knew that Karen had been around that evening – she had seen her in passing, and her husband Kevin had been sitting at their table the entire night. This was the first Pam had actually come face-to-face with her though.

“I heard you had a baby.” Karen said lamely.

“Yes.” Pam said, “And I see…” her gaze lowered to the slight protuberance in Karen’s stomach. “I see that you…are?”

“Yeah.” Karen said, nodding and pulling the fabric of her dress away from her stomach. “I hoped that it wasn’t obvious with this dress.”

“So where have you been all evening?” Pam asked.

“Here and there.” Karen replied with a shrug.

“Well, Kevin has been talking about you all night.” Pam said. “I’m just sort of surprised that we haven’t seen anything of you.”

“Oh god.” Karen said, shaking her head. “He isn’t talking about the baby, is he?”

“No, I don’t think that he’s mentioned it at all.” Pam said. “But I’m not positive, he’s on the other side of where I’m sitting so…”

“Good.” Karen said nodding. “He keeps bragging about it to all of his friends and it’s just so damn irritating because…”

“Karen! There you are!” a male voice exclaimed from behind Pam. Pam turned around quickly, expecting to see Kevin – even though the voice really didn’t sound anything like him.

“David!” Karen exclaimed in a high-pitch voice that sounded nothing like what Pam had been used to hearing from her.

Pam was stunned as she watched the man walk around her and wrap his arm possessively around Karen’s waist. Her jaw dropped as she watched the man lean forward to try and kiss Karen, but she quickly turned her head and his lips fell against her cheek instead of her mouth.

“Pam.” Karen said quietly, “This is David Wallace. David, this is Pam Halpert.”

Pam was too stunned at what she saw to correct her with ‘Beesly-Halpert’.

“Oh, are you Jim Halpert’s wife?” David asked, holding out his hand towards Pam.

“Yeah.” Pam replied dumbly, taking David’s hand in hers.

“I worked with him probably about a year ago on a project.” David said. “Nice guy. How has he been?”

“Good, good.” Pam said, her gaze quickly darting back and forth between David and Karen.

David nodded and smiled, “So Pam, you didn’t see Karen here with anything suggestible in her hands, did you?”

Pam resisted the urge to ask, ‘Other than you?’ and instead asked, “What do you mean?”

“Oh, she keeps insisting on drinking at these events because of the open bar.” he replied. “And I keep telling her that it’s not good for the baby.”

She didn’t think that she could be any more shocked but there it was. She lamely shook her head ‘no’ and David smiled.

“Come on, David.” Karen said coldly, pulling him along with her, walking past Pam. “I’ll see you later, Pam.”

“Pam, it was nice to meet you.” David said quickly, before he was pulled around the corner.

Pam stood dumbstruck in front of the now-vacant restroom. The need to use the bathroom was completely forgotten, but she quickly walked into the small room and locked the door behind her. She couldn’t have seen what she just saw – could she? She had never felt any sort of friendliness towards Karen, but most of it was from her history with Jim. Now? Well now, Pam was convinced that Karen was a whole new kind of evil.

Was it really possible that she was having an affair – again? She couldn’t really figure out any other reason why she would be wrapping her arm around and dodging kisses from a man named David Wallace. And her demeanor had immediately changed the moment that he showed up.

And she was pregnant again…

Pam quickly used the toilet and walked out into the small back hallway where Jim was standing, leaning casually against the wall. She smiled weakly at him, but the thoughts racing in her mind were more than enough to keep her preoccupied from a scene that would normally drive her crazy with lust.

“I thought you ran away.” Jim said casually, pushing himself away from the wall and closing the space between the two of them.

“Didn’t run away.” she said quietly.

He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and pulled her close against his body. He felt hot and she could feel that he was breathing heavily and his heart rate was a little faster than usual. Still, it was Karen that occupied her mind.

“I have been thinking about you all night.” he said in a low voice as he pushed her against the wall they were standing in front of. His hands started to roam over her hips and her waist. He ducked his head against her neck and his lips nibbled against the skin just below her jaw.

“No, we can’t.” she said, quickly pushing him away. Why was she saying this? The two of them had been deprived of any passionate, sexual lust for months. If she didn’t let it happen here, it had an even lesser chance of happening at home where there was a baby. They had been trying for the past couple of months with no luck because every time they would find themselves in the right situation under the right circumstances, Amelia would start crying for attention.

“What’s wrong?” he asked, immediately backing away. He wasn’t expecting that response at all. He knew that she was just as sexually charged as he was. Even through some of her recent issues regarding the way that she looked after the baby, they both knew that tonight was a night for them.

“I’m sorry, I know what tonight is about,” she said shaking her head, “but I just…Karen.”

“Karen?” he asked, a little taken aback that of all people, Karen was the one to keep them from doing naughty things in a public place.

“I think she’s having an affair.” she replied.

“That’s…” he said, searching his mind for what to say, “not really all that surprising.”

“Do you remember David Wallace?” Pam asked.

“David Wallace.” he replied. “Yeah, nice guy. I worked with him and his wife back in October.”

Pam’s jaw dropped and again, her mind started to reel.

“Wife?” she asked.

“Yeah.” he replied. “But what does he have to do with anything? How do you…how do you know him?”

“He’s the one that Karen’s having an affair with.” she said in reply. “And I think…I think that they might be having a baby.”

“What?” Jim asked, his face dropping. He knew better than to care about the torrid escapades of his ex-wife and co-worker, but hearing what Pam was saying…well, it was kind of as if he was re-living his past with her all over again. It was almost the exact same situation that he had been in years earlier.

“I’m sorry.” Pam said, shaking her head. “It’s just…how do people do that? Why do I have to be the one who finds out about it?”

“Do you think that Kevin knows?” he asked.

“Doubt it.” she replied. She shook her head sadly, “And if the baby isn’t his, he probably thinks that it is…”

Her heart broke just thinking about it. She figured the sadness and remorse must have been written across her face because Jim quickly pulled her into a tight hug and held her close to his body for a good minute before either of them spoke.

All the while, Pam thought of the people that they were surrounded by. Sure, everyone had their flaws, but Michael and Ryan – Jim’s two closest co-workers were notorious womanizers and quite frankly, Pam had been surprised that Michael had only shown up with one date that evening instead of two. She realized that she barely knew anyone at the event and she knew that everyone had their flaws, but suddenly, she really didn’t want to be around these people.

“How much longer do you have to stay here?” she asked quietly, the words partially muffled against his chest.

“We could say there’s a baby emergency.” he replied.

“Okay.” she said, nodding. She took a couple of steps back, away from his embrace and looked down at his watch.

“It’s ten o’clock.” he said, without looking.

“Phyllis isn’t expecting us back until midnight at the earliest.” she said.

“We could go out for dessert.” he suggested and she smiled weakly.

“We already ate dessert.” she said.

“So?” he asked. “Anyway, you call the measly little bit of chocolate mousse that we received dessert? I believe that you said that you wanted a romantic night out. What is a romantic night out without a ridiculously expensive dessert?”

“Expensive?” she teased. “Because I was thinking Baskin Robbins.”

He nodded thoughtfully, “Or Baskin Robbins, of course.”

“I’m not really sure what we’re going to do with the rest of our two hours away from home though.” she said with a smile.

He raised his eyebrows speculatively, “I can think of one thing.”

She giggled loudly and shook her head, “Yeah, I don’t think so. Where is that going to happen? Bathroom at Baskin Robbins? Alleyway next to Baskin Robbins?”

“Hey, I was all ready to lure you into the bathroom here until you dropped a Karen bomb on me.” he argued. She laughed and shook her head again.

“I’m not doing it in a bathroom.” she said. He opened his mouth to say something in reply and she quickly cut him off before he had the chance, “Or an alleyway.”

He chuckled, “I guess that I should be relieved.”

Pam noticed a familiar gaze of longing in his eyes and she leaned in close to Jim and wrapped her arms around him tight.

“I promise.” she said quietly, pausing momentarily to kiss him. “Once we get home and Phyllis leaves, I will make sure that I get you alone in our bedroom.”

“And Amelia?” he asked nervously.

“We’ll put Amelia in her bedroom tonight.” she replied.

“And if she cries?” he asked.

“If she cries, then she cries.” she replied.

“So you’re saying there will be…” he began.

“No interruptions.” she finished.

“Promise?” he asked.

“Absolutely.” she replied.

He grinned and kissed her once more before saying, “Come on, let’s go lie to Michael and go home.”

September 7, 2010

“You’re home!” Jim exclaimed in surprise as he walked through the front door, two large paper grocery bags in his arms.

“Why wouldn’t I be?” Pam asked. She felt like she was always home these days. Taking care of Amelia, playing with Amelia, cleaning up after Amelia, and most of all, just generally not working…

“I just thought I remembered you saying something about taking Amelia to the park today.” he replied.

…Taking Amelia places…

“We went earlier this afternoon.” she said quietly, taking the bags of groceries from Jim before he quickly crossed into the living room to Amelia’s crib where she had been lying asleep for the past hour.

“She’s…” Pam started to argue, but before she could stop Jim from waking the sleeping baby, he had her in his arms and Pam could already hear the soft mewing from Amelia that would no doubt turn into ear-splitting screeches that she had heard one too many times.

She shook her head. If he started it, he could take care of it. As far as she was concerned, she was done taking care of the baby for the day, it was his turn now.

“So how did Miss Melia like the park?” he asked as he bounced her gently in his arms and joined Pam in the kitchen as she rifled through the paper bags, making sure that he had gotten everything she had asked for.

Amelia yawned audibly and Pam laughed softly – her sentiments exactly.

“Well, she had a total ball playing with a leaf that she found on the ground.” Pam said, sorting food out on the counter in accord of whether they belonged in the refrigerator or the pantry cupboards.

“You didn’t push her on the swings?” he asked, pouting at the little girl as she grinned a wide, toothless smile.

“We weren’t anywhere near the swings.” she replied. “I just took her to a clearing where I could draw and we had lunch.”

“Oh.” he said nodding.

“But anyway, I think that she might be entering her teething stage.” she said, moving onto the second bag.

“My little Mia Melia is teething?” he asked excitedly, grinning back at his daughter.

“And that is the most exciting moment of my day.” she mumbled quietly as she pulled a head of lettuce from the bag and set it next to a few items that needed to be refrigerated.

She wondered how her life had turned into what it had. Before she moved to New York and before she had met Jim, she had been trapped in the life of a domestic housewife. She figured that when she moved to the city that she wouldn’t have to worry about that life anymore. Yet somehow, here she was, standing in the kitchen of her home that she barely left anymore because of a baby. She was still on a maternity leave because she couldn’t stand to put her child in daycare or hire a nanny full time. It wasn’t that she didn’t love Amelia or Jim – the two of them were her entire life – unfortunately, she couldn’t help but feel like she had completely fallen back into the role of a domestic housewife. And sure, she liked some aspects of it. She did enjoy being a mother and even though Amelia wasn’t able to talk or walk, Pam loved to play with her. She also liked that her life wasn’t controlled by clocks and deadlines like it was at work. However, she needed her life to be more than a mother and a homemaker. She didn’t want that life five years ago in Pennsylvania and she certainly didn’t want it now; it just wasn’t her.

“So don’t be surprised if Amelia starts getting a little cranky.” she said. “But I have a teething ring for her that I need to run through the dishwasher, so hopefully that will help.”

She tuned out the couple of high-pitched utterances that Jim cooed towards Amelia and she continued to dig to the bottom of the bag where he hand wrapped around something square and plastic.

“What the…” she said quietly as she withdrew the strange object from the bag and her eyes widened when she saw what she was holding.

“Condoms?” she asked, holding up the box wrapped in a plastic bag to keep the cardboard from getting wet from the fresh vegetables.

“What?” he asked, turning his attention back towards Pam and he bit his lip and nodded.

“When have we ever used condoms?” she asked, setting them aside on the countertop.

“I just…” he replied carefully. “You’re still breastfeeding Amelia from time to time and every medical professional says not to take birth control while breastfeeding and…well…”

“You don’t want any more children?” she asked. She didn’t know why she asked it because she knew for certain that she didn’t want any more children any time soon.

“It’s…I’m happy right now.” he replied, hoping his reply was a safe one.

She stared at the box of condoms on the counter. She really could not remember the last time they had used them.

“But…really?” she asked. She already knew that she was going to make a bigger deal of this than she should.

“Do you want another baby?” he asked and as soon as he had said it, he worried that it had sounded completely different than he had intended it to.

Her mind screamed, ‘No! No!’ but she simply shrugged in response.

He took a deep breath and quickly secured Amelia in her high chair on the other side of the kitchen counter before returning to Pam’s side. He rubbed his eyes and dragged his hands down the side of his face and stared at her as if he was expecting her to say something.

“What?” she asked expectantly.

“Should we talk about this now?” he asked in reply.

“About what?” she replied. “Another baby?”

He nodded, “I figured that we would wait a couple of years to be honest. That’s why I bought…” he nodded towards the condoms, still sitting in their plastic bag next to the sink. “I just didn’t think that you would…well, I’m kind of surprised that you seem so shocked by them.”

“No,” she said, shaking her head, “you’re right. You’re totally right.”

“About…” he began. “The condoms or the baby?”

“Both.” she said, as she started to gather a few items that needed refrigeration into her arms.

“Okay,” he said, nodding, “because I really want us to be on the same page with this one.”

“We are.” she lied. Yes, it was true that she didn’t want any more children for another two years – at least, and she could get on board with the idea of using condoms again but there was more – a lot more – egging at her than just those two matters.

However, Jim was content with her answer and he grinned. Pam assumed that he was pleased with himself and she continued to put the groceries away while he walked to the other side of the counter and lifted Amelia from her chair and he took her into the living room to play.

‘At least he’s involved…’ she thought. Things could be worse.

***

Amelia had fallen asleep, she had brushed her teeth, Jim was in bed waiting for her, but all of the little complexities of her stay-at-home life that had bottled up in the past few weeks were dangerously close to the tipping point.

She walked through the door of the bedroom and smiled weakly at the sight of Jim sitting in bed reading. She hoped that she could get through the next hour or so that it would take for her to fall asleep without starting a fight. She didn’t want to start heated discussions or arguments now.

“Hey.” Jim said, tossing her the unopened box of condoms. He winked at her in the worst possible way and Pam couldn’t help but giggle.

She set the box down on the nightstand and climbed under the covers, not giving sex a second thought as she turned off the light next to her.

“You know, those aren’t just for display.” he said in a voice that was both joking but a little nervous.

“I’m sorry, Jim.” she said quietly as she closed her eyes.

“Oh.” he said, nodding and she could sense the hurt in his voice.

She wanted to groan in frustration. She was tired, she just wanted to sleep. Most of all though, she wanted her old life back.

“I’m sorry.” she said, opening her eyes again and sitting up to face him. “I just…did you think that things were going to turn out like this?”

“Like what?” he asked.

“Did you ever picture me as the stay-at-home mom?” she asked. “When you married me, or when we started to try and have children…did you ever picture me as the kind of woman that would stay home with a child all day long?”

He shrugged, “I guess I never really gave it that much thought.”

“Yeah, me neither.” she said with a nod.

“But you’re happy, right?” he asked hopefully. She shrugged this time and his face completely fell. “You’re…not happy?” He didn’t want to ask it, and he felt like he was walking over a field of active land mines as he did.

“No, I’m happy.” she replied. “I guess. It’s just…this is not what I pictured my life to be like when I moved here.”

She looked ahead and caught a glimpse of the charcoal and watercolor image that she had created of the Louvre several years ago. Now it was surrounded by smaller, framed images that she had created since. The images were of places far less glamorous than Paris and the Louvre. Instead she had drawn images of different locations in Central Park. There was even a small image that she had painted of The Golden Beet before she quit working there. At the time, she had every intention of giving the painting to Dwight, but after she had finished with it, she realized she was too attached with it to let it go.

Truth of the matter was, her life was far less glamorous than she thought it would be – not that she had ever expected to have a truly glamorous life. However, with all the traveling that Jim did for work, she naturally assumed that she would join him on many of those trips. Truthfully though, she really hadn’t joined him on many of his business endeavors and she was often left at home – especially now. She didn’t even know what would happen if he got called away on business now that Amelia was in their lives. At least at this point, Jim was able to take care of the baby in the evenings. A whole week with a baby and no one else to help her out? She wasn’t quite sure how she could handle that.

“How much money do we have?” she asked suddenly.

“How much…” he replied. “I guess…I don’t know. Enough?”

“Do we have enough to hire a nanny?” she asked.

His eyes widened and he opened his mouth as if he was going to say something, but nothing came out.

“I just think that maybe things would be easier if we had a nanny.” she said when he didn’t answer.

“But you’re doing a great job on your own.” he said, a little bit against his better judgment.

She didn’t immediately reply and instead her gaze went back to the pictures hanging around their bedroom. Her paintings, her drawings, even some of her illustrations.

“I want to go back to work.” she said quietly.

“You…do?” he asked.

She nodded, “I can only do so much with Amelia around all the time. I realize that the office with Phyllis and Andy might not be the quietest place to be or even the most productive, but I can tell you that it’s a lot easier to tune out Andy’s singing than it is to tune out Amelia’s crying.”

“What about when Andy cries?” he teased.

“Jim.” she said seriously.

“Okay.” he said. “Yes, we have enough money that we could hire a part-time nanny.”

Pam grinned, “Really?”

“Yes,” he said, “but are you sure you want to throw yourself back into the work environment just like that?”

“I wouldn’t go back full time.” she said quietly. “I’d probably just work in the mornings or afternoons.” As much as she wanted some time away from the baby, she wasn’t sure how well she could actually handle jumping right back into forty hour weeks.

Jim nodded along in agreement, “I think it’s a good idea.”

“Yeah?” she asked hopefully.

“Yeah.” he replied. “Especially if it makes you feel a little bit better.”

“Thanks.” she said with a wide smile. She leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes. His hand sought out hers and he kissed her at the corner of her mouth. “You’re the best husband ever.”

October 4, 2010

Pam walked up the flight of stairs towards her office. It had been nearly a year since she had actually been here to work. She had visited Phyllis on a couple of occasions, and she had even visited a couple of times to turn in some illustrations that she had worked on from home during her maternity leave. Now though…now she was back for good. Well, she was back for good during the morning hours at least.

She and Jim had hired a nanny to work in the mornings and Pam had worked out a steady schedule with her boss that would allow her to work part-time where she would spend the mornings at her office and she could work from home during the afternoons and the evenings if it was necessary for her to do so.

When she left for work that morning she had felt odd. Nearly every time that she had ventured outside in the past few months, it had been with a baby in tow. Leaving home that morning with only her work bag had felt downright foreign to her. Even so, she had felt a sense of liberation and she felt that maybe she could once again start to feel like her life was where she had expected it to be.

 

As Pam walked down the familiar hallway that led to the office she shared with Andy and Phyllis it was if nothing had changed. The same book covers, magazine and newspaper articles still hung in their frames on the wall. It was as if the office had been frozen in time for the past ten months and had been awaiting her return.

She walked into the office she shared and was rather surprised to note that not even that had changed. Phyllis’ corner looked the same – although there were two framed photos that were new. They appeared to be images from a vacation that Phyllis had taken with her husband. Andy’s little nook near the door looked exactly the same, right down to the picture hanging off the side of his desk – a horribly photoshopped image of he and Justin Timberlake, which he vehemently insisted was real.

Even her desk looked exactly the same as it had when she left – with the exception of a small gift wrapped in blue paper sitting on the top of her keyboard. She looked around for the donor, but there was no one around. As far as she could tell, she was the first person there.

She sat down at her desk and opened the box, curious to see what it was or to see if there was at the very least a note inside that would tell her who gave her the gift. As she tore off a corner of paper, she immediately knew what was inside and she grinned as she pulled off the rest of the paper. In her hands was a box of 48 Crayola crayons. Taped to the back of the box was a note that read, “For the little one, so she can become like her mom, Pamcasso. –Andy”.

“Pamcasso!” Andy’s voice rang from the doorway and her head jolted to where he stood, leaning against the door with a mug of coffee in his hands.

“Thank you, Andy,” she said, holding up the box of crayons.

“Not a problem,” he said. “I would have given you them at the baby shower, but I figured the little prodigy probably didn’t have the motor skills to use crayons yet.”

“Prodigy?” she asked, amused.

“Well,” he replied, “it may be a little presumptuous of me to say so, but I think that any offspring of yours is going to have your amazing talent. And hey, if you can nourish that talent young, there’s no telling how great she can become.”

“Wow,” she said nodding. “Thanks a lot.”

“And hey, if you want some help harnessing all of that creativity, I can always teach her how to play a musical instrument,” he said. “No harm in giving your child multiple creative outlets.”

“I think she’s still a bit too young to learn a musical instrument, Andy,” she said as she tucked the box of crayons into her bag.

“Not so,” he said, shaking his head, “A xylophone is an any-age instrument!”

“I guess,” she said.

“Anyway,” he continued, “just let me know if you ever want anything in the musical department. I owe you anyway.”

“Owe me?” Pam asked, caught slightly off-guard by the statement. She couldn’t think of anything that Andy owed to her…

“For introducing me to your friend at your baby shower,” Andy replied.

Her eyes darted back and forth at nothing in particular. Friend? What friend?

“I…I don’t quite know…” she started.

“Your friend Kelly from that restaurant you used to work at,” he said with a grin.

“Kelly?” she asked, with a wide-eyed expression of shock on her face.

“She is quite the special lady,” he replied, bobbing his head back and forth as he turned to his computer screen. “Oh! And lookie here, I just received an e-mail from her! Dear Andylion …”

“No,” Pam said, quickly holding her hand up. “I…there’s no need to read that aloud.”

“There’s nothing bad in it,” he said. “Perfectly suitable for innocent ears.”

“No, that’s still quite all right,” she said. “I’ll take your word for it.”

Andy silently read through the e-mail one more time, happily bobbing his head back and forth before Pam heard a loud, “Aaaww” come from his direction.

She opened her mouth to make a remark but before she was able to he loudly proclaimed, “Love! She said love at the end of the e-mail!" as he pointed to his computer screen. 

“Sweet,” Pam said quietly, turning on her computer, anxious to see just how many tasks her boss had assigned to her for her first day back.

Their small office was silent for a few more brief moments, and quite frankly, the silence was quite a rarity with Andy actually present. Pam braced herself for the next big outburst from the man, and nearly jumped off the seat of her chair when his loud cell phone ring sounded in the room.

It was a customized ringtone of “My Girl” and Pam immediately thought that the voice was oddly familiar.

“Andy, is that…” she began.

“Me?” he finished proudly as he picked up the phone and tilted it back and forth. “Yep. All four parts.” He opened the phone and covered the speaking end quickly. “It’s Kelly’s ring tone.”

Pam was actually speechless; not that she would have interrupted Andy on the phone anyway. She would have never put Andy and Kelly together, but the more that she thought about it, she guessed that it kind of worked. They were both kind of loud and would talk to whoever would listen…maybe it was a match made in heaven.

“…Me too, Sweetcheeks,” he said and silently waved at Phyllis as she walked in through the doorway.

“Sweetcheeks?” Pam silently mouthed and Phyllis grinned widely.

“Glad to have you back, Pam,” Phyllis said.

“When did this start?” she asked in an almost-whisper so Andy couldn’t overhear.

“Around April,” Phyllis replied in an equally hushed voice. “Andy had some rather jarring family issues that he went away to take care of during the month of March and when he came back…well, I guess he decided that he wanted to give it a go with Kelly and here we are today.”

“He’s been dating Kelly since April?” Pam asked, wide-eyed. She didn’t even remember the last time that Kelly had been in a relationship for that long.

“Mid-April or so, yes,” Phyllis replied.

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” she asked.

“I didn’t think it would last at first,” Phyllis replied. “Then when I started to realize that maybe it was a bit more serious than I first thought, I just figured it would be a fun surprise for you to come back to.”

“Well, it’s a surprise all right,” Pam said.

“Just wait a couple weeks,” Phyllis said with a smile. “Once the novelty of it wears off he’s pretty much just as annoying as he used to be. Just…in a different way.”

***

Pam was sitting on the living room floor playing with Amelia and telling her stories when Jim returned home that evening. He looked a little more ragged than usual and she couldn’t immediately tell if he had just had a rough day or if there was something else nagging at him. It wasn’t as if she wasn’t used to seeing him worn down from work. Being the vice president of the company did a toll on him from time to time and she realized that. The way he looked this evening though told her that maybe it wasn’t just work that was on his mind.

“Hey Jim,” she said, looking up at him and smiling. Amelia, too, looked up at Jim and pointed at him before shouting out loudly and she quickly returned her attention to the wooden blocks scattered on the floor.

“Hey,” he said, he sounded a little more glum than usual. “How was your first day back?”

“Good,” she said, smiling. “How was your day?”

“Bad,” he said, very simply. He walked to the refrigerator and grabbed a can of soda before walking into the living room and taking a seat on the sofa.

“What happened?” Pam asked. She wasn’t sure if he was in the mood to talk about his ‘bad’ day, but she could certainly try to coax it out of him.

“Karen had her baby,” Jim said.

Pam’s forehead furrowed in confusion. Yes, she knew Jim’s hostility towards the woman, but her giving birth to be the reason for his bad day…it didn’t quite piece together.

“I…I don’t quite follow,” she said.

“What’s not to follow?” he asked. “She had her baby and so now she’s demanding more money from the company for her maternity leave.”

“Oh,” she said, nodding and turning back to Amelia. Maybe this wasn’t the time or place to question him about it.

“You know, we pay mothers in the company well,” he continued. “We pay fathers in the company well if they decide to take a paternity leave. She doesn’t need more money.”

“I know,” she said. Jim was well taken care of by the company during the six months that he was on paternity leave after Amelia was born. They got along perfectly well on his paid leave salary.

“I think there’s more to it,” he said.

“And that’s why you’re in a bad mood?” she asked.

He shrugged and replied, “We heard from Kevin today that he’s filing for divorce. We were supposed to be doing a project with him but he cancelled at the last minute because he needed a week or two to sort out some issues.”

Pam thought that at least that could explain Jim’s foul mood. He never liked it when co-workers backed down on projects at the last minute.

“And David Wallace was fired from his company last week,” he said quietly.

“What?” Pam asked, wide-eyed. She now was starting to realize why a new baby could be a bad thing. Kevin filing for a divorce would mean Karen would have to hope for divorce settlement money – which in and of itself was a bad thing given her history with trying to get money from Jim. If Kevin got lucky in the divorce and Karen didn’t get what she wanted, she would most likely turn to David…who was now fired…

Jim nodded, “And that’s why Karen’s new baby is the worst thing to happen to me this month.”

Pam muttered a soft, “Oh…” and she turned her gaze back to Amelia. He nodded again, but remained silent and lost in the thoughts that had plagued him on his way home from the office. He could only think of the many ways that the impending divorce, David’s job loss and Karen’s new baby could affect not only the people who were actually involved, but everyone who surrounded them as well.

Jim knew what he had to do. He had to distance himself from the entire situation as much as possible. The last thing that he wanted was to be caught up in another one of Karen’s conniving schemes.

January 23, 2011

Pam sat on the living room floor with Amelia, waiting for Jim to come home…or call. He was supposed to be picking up Amelia’s birthday cake – a mint chocolate chip ice cream cake. The cake was really more of an indulgence for her than it was for Amelia, but there was no doubting that their baby girl would love it as well. Pam just wasn’t expecting Jim to take so long.

She glanced up at the clock sitting just below the television – it was nearly four in the afternoon and she knew that the place they had ordered the cake from would be closed in minutes. If Jim wasn’t getting the cake, where could he…

The phone startled Pam from her thoughts and she cast a dazed look towards Amelia.

“That better be daddy.” she muttered as slowly stood to her feet and walked across the room to the phone. Amelia responded with her usual baby response of a loud, happy cry and threw one of her wooden blocks at the table. Pam kind of wished that Amelia would say something every once in a while, it wasn’t even like the little girl was trying to form words, she was still babbling just as she had been four months earlier.

“Hello.” she said as she picked up the phone, watching Amelia out of the corner of her eye.

“Hey Pam, sorry I’m still out.” Jim responded on the other line.

“Where are you?” Pam asked, pointing a threatening finger towards Amelia as she threw another block at their living room coffee table.

“At The Golden Beet.” he replied. “I got the cake, I convinced Dwight to keep it in the freezer until I leave here. Anyway, I got a call from Michael while I was on my way home and he really needed to talk. This was the only place he would meet me at.”

“What about the office?” Pam asked, a bit suspicious about Jim’s story.

“Oh, Pam, who knows why Michael chooses to do the things he does.” he replied. “Listen, the reason why I’m calling you is because I’d really like it if you could come down here.”

“To The Golden Beet?” she asked incredulously.

“Yeah.” he replied.

“Aren’t they closed now?” Pam asked, looking at the clock – 4 o’clock on a Sunday, Dwight had definitely closed up the restaurant for the day.

“He’s starting to close up,” Jim replied casually, “but he already told me that he would make an exception for you.”

“I don’t know Jim…” she said slowly. “I’d have to get Amelia all bundled up to go outside and I’d have to walk all the way over there…”

“You could take a cab.” he argued.

“I don’t know…” she said again.

“Come on.” he said, “I’ve ordered you your favorite dish and I promise that Michael will be gone by the time you arrive.”

“Ah, you know just the right things to say.” Pam teased as she looked over towards Amelia, still sitting on the floor. She sighed – getting Amelia ready to go outside in the cold was quite a task sometimes, one that she often didn’t like to deal with. Was it really worth it?

“I promise it will be worth your while.” Jim said, as if he was reading her mind.

Pam sighed again and nodded, “Okay, okay. I’ll come.”

“Wonderful!” he exclaimed.

“But I swear, you have to promise me a slice of that mint chocolate chip ice cream cake when I get there or the deal is off.” she said.

“But it’s…” he began.

“I know it’s for Tuesday, but you’re dragging me half-way across town, I expect a little something-something in return.” she said. “I’ll be there as soon as I can.”

“Great.” he said, “I’ll see you soon.”

***

Pam silently grumbled the entire way to The Golden Beet. She spoke only nice things to Amelia – though she was pretty certain the baby wasn’t able to hear, bundled underneath layers of warm blankets and clothing. Pam wasn’t necessarily mad at Jim, she just felt like she was doing everything for him these days. She wanted to have a big party for Amelia – after all, it was her first birthday and there is only ever one first birthday. Jim, on the other hand, had vetoed the idea, saying it was unnecessary (how many people would be able to come to a birthday party on a Tuesday night?) and the planning would make them even more exhausted than they already were. He had a point, Pam knew that Jim’s reasoning was perfectly valid – not even their mothers would be able to make it to a Tuesday evening birthday party.

Still, she hated having to walk to The Golden Beet at four o’clock in the afternoon on a windy, winter’s day when she could have just as easily spent the rest of her day in her warm living room, working on illustrations for the publishing company.

As she approached the restaurant she noticed that it seemed surprisingly…active for late Sunday afternoon. She realized it had been several years since she last worked there and it had been several months – at least – since she had last eaten there, maybe Dwight changed his hours…but knowing Angela’s religious ideals, she highly doubted the prospect of late hours on a Sunday. Still, the restaurant looked busy…was it decorated differently too?

She felt the resentment for having to go out in the cold start to melt away as she saw the silhouette of Jim in the window. She smiled and looked down into the stroller. When she looked back up, he wasn’t there and…well, come to think of it, the restaurant suddenly looked less busy than it had only seconds ago.

Pam was convinced she must be going crazy as she opened up the door and felt a warm rush of air surround her and the stroller.

“Pam!” Jim exclaimed, meeting her in the doorway and carrying the stroller with Amelia seated securely within over the threshold. “You’re here!”

“Yeah, I’m here.” she said, trying to sound indignant, but her voice trailed off as she looked around the restaurant and suddenly realized why Jim had pulled her away from the house on a cold Sunday afternoon. The Golden Beet did look different than usual – much different. There were pink streamers hanging from the ceiling and there was a large, bright banner over the bar that read, “Happy 1st Birthday, Amelia!” Pam clapped her hands over her mouth and a sound that resembled a squeal or a giggle escaped from her throat.

“You did this?” she asked, her gaze meeting Jim’s.

“With a little bit of help.” he replied, cueing everyone else at the restaurant to emerge from behind the bar and the back hallway that led to the kitchen and restrooms. Pam gasped as she looked around at the sea of familiar faces: Dwight, Angela, Kelly, Andy, Phyllis, Phyllis’ husband, Pam’s mother, Jim’s mother, even Jim’s brother Jonathan. She couldn’t believe that everyone that she had wanted to invite to a birthday party was there – and she hadn’t even planned any of it.

Pam speechlessly stammered, her lips moving without sound as she looked around. Her gaze then traveled once more towards Jim, holding Amelia. Amelia seemed completely unfazed by the small group of their friends and family, she blinked in the direction of the small crowd in front of her, smiled then buried her face against Jim’s chest out of shyness.

“But I thought…” Pam finally managed to say after taking in the people around her – some of whom she hadn’t seen in nearly a year – and turning back towards Jim. “I thought you said that…how did you plan all of this?”

“Well, Dwight was more than willing to hold it here,” he explained, “and getting everyone together really wasn’t that difficult. I just really didn’t want you to have to deal with it all. And after all…” he nodded towards Amelia in his arms, her face pressed against his sweater. “This may be her birthday party, but I think that you are the one who will get more out of it.”

Pam grinned and kissed Jim on the cheek, “Thank you so, so much for this.”

***

Pam snapped out of her tipsy, wine-induced euphoria when she heard the distant cry of a baby. Immediately, she turned to Amelia, happily sitting in her high chair tentatively making noise and playing with the toy xylophone that Andy had given to her. Pam didn’t know why she turned to Amelia, the cry didn’t sound like hers, and she was sitting right next to her anyway.

Angela immediately stood up in a hurry.

“Colin!” she exclaimed loudly as she backed away from the table and ran back towards the kitchen.

“Colin?” Pam asked, watching Angela disappear around the corner of the hallway. She had sworn that she saw a small child’s playpen in the corner when she walked into the restaurant earlier, but she had passed it off as her mind playing tricks on her.

“Our son, Colin.” Dwight replied and Pam immediately realized that the last time she had seen Dwight and Angela, Angela had been pregnant – she had completely forgotten.

“I…oh my goodness.” Pam said, “I totally forgot. How old is he?”

“Almost eight months.” Dwight replied.

“Oh my god.” Kelly interjected, leaning across the table towards Pam, “Pam, just wait until you see him. He is so cute.”

“Really?” she asked, trying not to sound too skeptical right in front of Dwight.

“Yes, oh my god, yes.” Kelly replied. “And you wouldn’t think so at all…” she flashed a quick, cautious glance in Dwight’s direction before continuing. “I just think he’s the cutest baby ever. I mean, next to Amelia, of course.”

“Of course.” Pam said while she gave a small eye-roll towards Jim at the comment.

“Seriously.” Jim said, leaning in close to whisper in her ear. “You will be surprised.”

“You’ve seen him?” she asked quietly.

“Earlier today.” he replied.

“Speaking of earlier today…” she began, about to question where Michael was – she wondered whether or not he had even met with Michael earlier in the afternoon. However, her train of thought was stopped by Angela standing near her shoulder with a baby dressed in blue and green.

“Care to meet Colin?” Angela asked, lowering herself into the empty chair behind Pam. “Since everyone else has.”

“I…sure.” Pam said, holding her arms towards the baby boy. She watched as Angela’s gaze darted towards Dwight and Pam recoiled her arms a bit.

“She can hold him.” Dwight said. Angela nodded and passed the baby into Pam’s arms.

“Hey! No fair!” Kelly exclaimed loudly. “You’ve never let me hold him!”

“That’s because you do not have a child of your own.” Angela said harshly as she kept a cautious eye on Pam.

“Oh my goodness.” Pam said as she positioned the small child on her lap and stared into the crystal blue eyes of the little boy. “You weren’t kidding, Kelly.” Little Colin really was quite possibly one of the cutest baby boys she had ever seen. He had obviously gotten every good, attractive trait from Dwight and Angela and none of the bad.

“It’s actually probably best that you hold onto him for a couple more seconds.” Angela said, rising back to her feet. “I need to go grab Michael’s gift to Amelia.”

“So Michael really was here, then?” Pam asked, watching Angela as she quickly walked back towards the kitchen again.

“Yeah,” Jim replied, nodding, “he was supposed to stay around for the party but he got an emergency call from work probably about a half hour before you arrived and he needed to head to the office. But he wanted to make sure that Amelia got the present from him.”

“Do you know what it is?” Pam asked curiously.

“I have no idea.” Jim replied. “He seemed pretty excited about it though, so I’m bracing myself for the worst.”

“Dare I think what the worst is?” Pam asked nervously, looking up as Angela emerged from the back hallway with a large pink box in her arms.

“Well, it’s big…” Jim replied quietly as Angela made her way around the table and set the box in front of Amelia.

“I will take Colin again…” Angela said, holding out her arms. Pam handed the baby over to his mother and she leaned over the table towards the gift.

“Let’s shake it!” Pam exclaimed happily.

“No!” Angela cried loudly, which immediately garnered a suspicious glance from Jim, Pam and the others who had no idea what was inside the box.

“I mean…” Angela said, a bit more calmly. “I don’t think that would be the greatest idea.”

“Okay.” Pam said suspiciously pushing the box closer towards Amelia. “So Amelia…do you want to find out what Mr. Michael Scott bought you for your birthday?” She silently pleaded that the gift was something age-appropriate while Amelia grinned and shouted out a “ya!”.

Jim smiled as he tucked his finger underneath a corner of wrapping paper.

“The top just comes right off.” Angela said with a nod.

“Oh, okay.” Jim said, his fingers disappearing under the lid of the box just as he swore he heard a noise come from inside.

“Was that…” Pam began, suspiciously.

“A meow?” Jim finished for her. He quickly tore off the top of the box to reveal a small white kitten, sitting on a pink blanket. Amelia squealed loudly and clapped her hands together in excitement.

“Oh my god.” Pam said, unsure whether she should scoop the kitten up and let Amelia pet it, call Michael and chew him out for getting her daughter a kitten or find the nearest veterinarian in the neighborhood to make sure that the kitten was safe to have around small children.

“Don’t worry,” Angela said with a smile, “she’s completely litter trained and perfectly healthy. My cat just recently had kittens not too long ago – Michael insisted on buying this one for Amelia.”

“I…I’m not quite sure what to say.” Pam said, as she scooped the cat from the box and held it out towards Amelia. Jim took the cat from Pam and cooed words like, “kitty” and “gentle” to his daughter.

“Thank you.” she said.

She and Jim had never discussed the possibility of pets – the subject had never come up. Of course now, they were kind of stuck and Pam couldn’t possibly imagine giving the kitten back to Angela or handing it over to a shelter. She couldn’t even remember the last time she had a pet. She hoped she – nor Jim – were allergic to cats.

“If you ever need anything for her, just let me know.” Angela said with a smile.

Pam nodded and smiled at Amelia’s reaction to the kitten – it was like love at first sight for the little girl.

Jim jumped when he felt his phone vibrate against his leg.

“Pam.” he said, nodding towards the kitten. Pam inched close to Amelia and held the kitten up to her daughter and she continued to gently pet the back of the cat.

Jim walked away into a deserted corner of the restaurant and Pam watched his facial expressions change from happy to an emotion that she couldn’t immediately place – anger, frustration…disappointment? She deduced anger and nervously started to play with a napkin ring in front of her when he snapped his phone shut and headed back to the table with a furrowed forehead.

“That was Michael.” he said quietly.

“Yeah?” Pam asked nervously.

“I need to go.” Jim said hurriedly, gathering up a couple of his things from next to his chair. “Michael needs me down at the office immediately apparently and…”

“Daddy!” Amelia exclaimed loudly, pointing towards Jim. Jim dropped everything that he had gathered up in his hands and stared at Amelia. Pam dropped the napkin ring she had been fiddling with and stared at her daughter as well. The room fell completely silent at the sound of Amelia’s little voice actually saying words and her gaze darted back and forth between her mother and father.

“Daddy…” Amelia repeated, a little less sure of herself this time around, but she still pointed towards Jim, as if emphasizing that she was certain he was her “daddy”.

“Is that her…” Jim stammered.

“Yes.” Pam said quickly, without letting him finish his sentence.

“Daddy.” Amelia said a third time and Jim swore he smiled a wider smile than he ever had before. He quickly scooped Amelia up from her high chair and held her in his arms.

“Yes.” he said, nodding and pointing at himself. “Daddy.”

Amelia giggled and pressed her tiny palm against his chin. He looked down at Pam sitting in her seat – tears of happiness pooling in the corners of her eyes.

“Screw Michael.” Jim said, returning to his seat with Amelia. “Whatever he needs can wait. Being here with you…”

Amelia grinned and exclaimed, “Daddy!” once more.

Jim’s grin matched his daughter’s and he brushed a couple wispy curls from her forehead and continued, “And you, Mia-Melia. Being here with you all is much more important than whatever Michael needs right now.”

February 15, 2011

“So I can’t thank you enough for last night,” Pam’s voice rang through the earpiece of Jim’s phone.

“Yeah?” he asked, grinning from ear to ear as he opened up the inbox to his e-mail. He was a little surprised to be hearing from Pam this early in the workday, but he welcomed her interruption – though he probably would have enjoyed it even more if she had actually surprised him in person.

“I think we need to do that more often,” she said in a mischievous voice and Jim chuckled.

“Which part?” he asked clicking on an unread e-mail from Michael. “The dinner alone? Or the sex?”

“I dunno…” she replied quietly. “What do you think?”

“Mrs. Beesly-Halpert, I believe you are being coy,” he said, his eyes quickly scanning the e-mail but he didn’t immediately take in any of the information.

“Well, I would tell you, but I think it would get some interesting glances from Andy,” she said in a low voice. “Or worse, he would feel the desire to elaborate on his sex life with Kelly, and I need to be a bit more…uh…dead before I hear that.”

Jim laughed loudly and shook his head before scanning the e-mail from Michael a second time. He groaned out loud.

“What is it?” Pam asked.

“Michael,” he replied.

“Of course,” she said.

“No, well…he’s holding an emergency meeting this morning,” he said. “With me and…” Jim tried to find the list of other people Michael had sent the e-mail to, but it was marked confidential and private.

“Who?” she asked, though she sounded rather uninterested in anything that he had to say about business matters.

“I don’t know,” he replied. “He marked the e-mail confidential.” He looked through the sentences, trying to find some clues, but the e-mail was perfectly straightforward.

“Interesting,” he continued, “I didn’t even know that Michael knew how to mark an e-mail confidential.”

“Maybe he had help from someone,” she said.

“Like who?” he asked. “I’m his number two. If he has any problems, he always comes to me…huh…”

“Yeah, I don’t know,” she said hurriedly, she sounded like she was trying to sway the topic of the conversation and Jim obliged.

“So is there a reason why I am so lucky to be graced with a phone call from you this morning?” he asked.

“You can read me like a book…even over the phone,” she replied happily.

“What’s up?” he asked.

“Were you serious about a spring break vacation?” she asked.

“When did I say anything about a spring break vacation?” he teased and he chuckled softly when he heard her scoff on the other end of the line. “I know, I know what I said last night and…” his attention was briefly diverted when he caught another new e-mail arrive in his inbox out of the corner of his eye.

“And what?” Pam asked anxiously.

“And I just received another e-mail from Michael saying that he wants me to bring a list of my expenses and spending over the past…” he replied slowly, telling her what he said in his e-mail as he read through it. “That’s weird.”

“Yeah…” she said.

“It’s just…he has a list of all of that information,” he said. “Unless he lost it, but that would be a really foolish move on his behalf.”

“Yeah it would,” she said, trying to change the conversation again. “Anyway, about that vacation…”

He laughed softly and nodded, “I’ll bring it up in the meeting. I’ll see if I can get the time off and maybe we can get some of our expenses paid for.”

“That would be marvelous,” Pam said. “I’ll let you go now though.”

“Okay,” he said, nodding. “Wish me luck in my meeting.”

She giggled, “Like you need it.”

“I love you,” he said quickly.

“You too,” she said. “I’ll see you later.”

“Bye Pam,” he said.

“Bye Jim.”

 

Jim gathered up the things that Michael requested he bring to the meeting – even if he did find the requests a bit odd. Business expense and spending reports, personal expense and spending reports paid with his company credit cards…Jim was actually kind of surprised that he still had the documents in one of the file folders of his office. Usually the reports went to up to accounting, and Michael had copies of everything.

Maybe Michael lost his copies…he thought. He didn’t even want to think about how bad that could turn out.

He walked to the small meeting room down the hall. At least he was a little relieved that the meeting wouldn’t involve too many people. They were meeting in the smallest room on the floor. Maybe it would just be between him and Michael…

Jim opened the door to the meeting room and was surprised that Michael was not sitting in the room alone. He was joined by Ryan, one of the company lawyers that he had met on a couple of unfortunate occasions and one other mysterious man who Jim had never seen before.

“Wellity, wellity, wellity,” Michael said, drumming his fingers on the table top. “Lookie who decided to show up.”

Jim looked up at the clock hanging above the door and shrugged, “I’m right on time.”

“Likely story,” Michael said, rolling his eyes slightly.

“I…” Jim said softly, looking towards Ryan to share an amused smile, but Ryan’s face remained stoic and he barely gave Jim a second glance.

“What’s going on?” Jim asked, starting to feel a bit apprehensive about the purpose of the meeting.

“Have a seat, Mr. Halpert,” the lawyer said, nodding to the empty seat at the end of the table. “Do you have the expense and spending reports that Mr. Scott asked you to bring along with you?”

“Uh…yeah,” Jim said as he pulled the two file folders out onto the table and pushed them towards the center.

The lawyer took the folders and started to rifle through them. Michael, Ryan, the mysterious man and Jim all stayed silent – Jim continued to hope for an explanation to the purpose of the meeting.

“Mr. Scott, these are the exact same reports that you provided me with,” the lawyer said in a bored tone of voice as he closed the folders and returned them to the center of the table.

“But how else can we explain what’s been going on?” Michael asked.

“Excuse me for asking, but what exactly has been going on?” Jim asked cautiously.

“Let me ask you something,” Michael said, pointing his finger accusingly at Jim.

“Go for it,” Jim said after a pause where Michael didn’t continue.

“Are you happy with what you’re paid? Are you happy with what the company provides for you?” Michael asked.

“Quite happy,” Jim replied. “I’ve never had any problems.”

“Because if you ever want a raise or a little extra money here or there, all you need to do is ask,” Michael explained. “Come to me, go to accounting.”

“Well, I’m happy that you brought that up now,” Jim said, “because I was talking to Pam earlier and we would really like to take a spring break vacation in a month and a half or so…”

“No deal,” Michael said immediately.

Jim’s jaw dropped – he had never been given an immediate ‘no’ before; especially not from Michael.

“Excuse me?” he asked.

“Well, due to recent…activity,” Michael replied, “we really can’t allow it.”

“I…what is going on?” Jim asked.

“There have been some…” Michael’s gaze quickly darted back and forth between the lawyer and the mysterious man, who both inconspicuously shook their heads. Michael immediately stopped speaking and bowed his head down towards his hands folded in front of him on the table top.

“Michael,” Jim said seriously. When Michael didn’t respond, Jim frantically looked over towards Ryan, but he received no sympathy from Ryan or anyone else in the room.

“Michael,” he repeated, “what the hell is going on?”

“Remember that meeting that I wanted to hold about a month ago?” Michael asked in a quiet voice, his gaze still fixated on his hands and the tabletop.

“Amelia’s birthday party,” Jim replied. “You knew where I was and I apologized the next day for not being able to make it. You said it was no big deal…”

“Things have gotten worse…” Michael muttered.

“What things?” Jim asked. “What ‘things’ are you and…” He scanned the faces of the other three men sitting in the room and he continued, “And the rest of you…keeping from me?”

Michael shook his head and the lawyer spoke up again, “Mr. Halpert, we are going to keep a close eye on your spending practices within the company for the next month or two. In the meantime, Mr. Howard is going to work closely with you.”

“Am I getting let go soon?” Jim asked incredulously.

“No!” Michael cried loudly. “We could never fire you…” he lowered his voice and twisted his fingers nervously, “yet.”

Jim’s gaze frantically darted back and forth among every person in the room before he shook his head and his gaze fell to the top of the table.

“I don’t know what to tell you all,” he muttered, “or what to even say…”

“Nothing is certain yet, Jim,” Ryan said, speaking up for the first time since Jim entered the room.

“No,” Jim said, shaking his head even more. “For everything that I’ve done for this company and for everything that I have contributed…I missed the birth of my daughter because of this company. And now…now I’m threatening to be fired for something that you won’t even tell me about?”

“The matter is of utmost confidentiality,” the mysterious man said.

“As are most money matters,” Michael muttered.

“What?” Jim asked, staring directly at Michael.

“Oh,” Michael replied, his gaze traveling to the lawyer again and he shook his head. “Nothing…”

“Money?” Jim asked.

Michael nodded while the lawyer quietly said, “It really isn’t a big deal, Mr. Halpert. We just need to look over…”

“Spending and expense reports,” Jim finished for him, “yeah, I know.” He allowed himself a sigh of resignation and shook his head. They weren’t going to tell him what was going on – much to his chagrin – and quite frankly, he had things that needed to get done.

“Can I get back to work now?” he asked.

The lawyer nodded and Michael remained silent in his seat at the table.

“It is suggested that you remain compliant in the coming months for anything that the company requests of you,” the lawyer said as Jim pushed his seat away from the table and stood up.

“Compliant as usual,” he muttered as he turned around and walked out the door.

 

Once the door closed behind Jim, and the four people remaining in the meeting room couldn’t hear his footsteps outside in the hallway, Michael stood up.

“Michael, what are you…” Ryan began as he watched Michael walk towards the closed door.

“Shush, Ryan!” Michael chided as he cracked open the door and peered out around the corner. Jim had disappeared out of sight through a door at the end of the hall. Michael sighed and closed the door shut again.

“That was awful,” Michael said, shaking his head. “And for the record, I think that he’s a hundred percent innocent in this matter.”

“Well, the reports he gave me, the ones you gave me, Mr. Scott and the ones that accounting provided are all exactly the same,” the lawyer said, picking up a stack of files and waving them around.

“As I told you they would be,” Michael said firmly, returning to his seat.

“Which means,” the lawyer continued, “either Mr. Halpert is lying and committing a felony or he’s being – quite effectively – sabotaged by someone high up in the company.”

“Not me,” Michael said, holding his hands up.

“We know,” the lawyer said with a slight eye roll. “The only way that we can find out for sure is to suspend his company credit cards and keep close watch on him until we can figure out just what is going on.”

September 13, 2011

Jim sat drumming his fingers on his desktop. His opposite elbow was propped up on the desk, his chin sat in the palm of his hand and his gaze was fixated on an image of Pam and Amelia playing with Amelia’s white kitten, Snowy, on the front porch of their home that past summer.

Jim sighed heavily and glanced up towards the closed door of his office. His stare quickly returned to a series of picture frames on his desk – particularly towards a small drawing that Amelia had made for him for his birthday. Pam had taken their daughter to Central Park one late afternoon in August that Jim worked late. They had sat in the park together, both of them drawing – Pam with charcoal and Amelia with her crayons. Amelia drew some grass, a flower and a bird. She had squealed with pride when Jim tore the wrapping paper from the picture that Pam had gotten framed. In the corner of the picture, Pam had written, “To Daddy, Love Amelia” – dictated by Amelia.

 

The little moments Jim spent with his daughter and the little moments that he heard about from Pam seemed to be the only thing still keeping him sane these days. He was forced to work long hours with Ryan and everything that he did was closely watched and scrutinized by Michael and the company lawyers. Even after the months that followed the first vague meeting with his co-workers, he still wasn’t a hundred percent sure what was going on. He knew that he was under scrutiny for possible embezzlement, but he also knew that there was no way he was embezzling any company money.

The accusations angered him as well. He had been with the company since he finished his master’s degree and he had been the vice president of the company for almost four years. He had been nothing but loyal to the few people who worked above him and the plethora of people who worked below him. He was infuriated that this was the way that he was being repaid for his years of service and sacrifice to the company. He was even starting to question whether or not he still wanted to work for a company that treated him this way.

He heard the familiar ring of an incoming e-mail sound from his computer speakers. That ring was a sound that he had learned to dread over the past few months. He no longer received any e-mails bearing good news. Most of them contained short and concise subject titles that were always horribly vague and most of them contained horrifying information about how another hundred dollars was missing from his account or mysterious charges from companies no one had ever heard of had suddenly appeared on a company credit card bearing his name.

Jim opened the e-mail and groaned aloud:

There will be a meeting in Conference Room C this afternoon at 1:30.

Jim was tired of the meetings; partly because every time he went to one he was accused of something new. If he wasn’t accused of something at the meetings, then he was alerted to new developments – that led no where – to the source of the money loss. And he knew that he had no choice but to attend. Sure, he would sit in a small, uncomfortable room with Michael, Ryan and two lawyers while they constantly blamed him of things that he wasn’t doing – though Michael wasn’t one to point the finger in Jim’s direction; he often sat in the room with an expression on his face that mirrored the same discomfort that Jim was feeling. He knew that if he didn’t attend, he would risk losing his job – though again, maybe that wouldn’t be so bad at this point. Even so, he needed money in order for him, Pam and Amelia to live the way that they had grown accustomed to. Now, he was in a situation where Ryan had basically been educated on basically every single aspect of being the vice president of a major advertising company and Jim knew he couldn’t risk missing a meeting.

***

Jim ate lunch in the staff break room that day. He couldn’t remember the last time that he actually spent his lunch hour there, but given the frequency of others spending their time in there, he figured that he could have a quiet and peaceful lunch – maybe with a couple of employees milling in and out from time to time.

He finished his ham and cheese sandwich and stared blankly out the window as he slowly ate his potato chips. He really did not want to go to this meeting. He really did not want to know what sort of events had recently transpired.

“Jim,” a voice sounded from behind him. He jumped in surprise and turned around to see Kevin standing behind him. He hadn’t seen Kevin in a long time and the man looked different. Jim couldn’t pin point if it was a good different or a bad different, though. He looked a bit more worn down than before, but there was brightness in his eyes that Jim didn’t recall seeing there in the past.

“Hey Kev,” Jim said, moving his chair aside, silently beckoning for Kevin to sit next to him.

“You don’t mind…” Kevin said, nodding towards the empty chair next to Jim.

“Please,” Jim said.

Kevin sat down in the empty chair and unceremoniously dropped his brown paper bag onto the table.

“So how are things?” Kevin asked as he opened his bag.

“Okay I guess,” Jim replied. Kevin groaned loudly and pulled a crushed sandwich from the lunch bag. “What is it?”

“I accidentally took Julian’s lunch,” Kevin said shaking his head. “I don’t understand that kid. He loves these cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches…” he pulled the slice of white bread off the top of the sandwich and grimaced at the sight of cucumbers spread out in a thick layer over what appeared to be vegetable cream cheese.

“It doesn’t look that bad,” Jim lied.

“I don’t know where he gets his love for weird foods,” Kevin said. “Though he’s not going to be too happy when he sees that he’s gotten my pastrami sandwich.”

“So how are the…” Jim began, but he stopped himself in the middle of the thought. If he was talking about his son, Julian that meant…

“You got the kids?” Jim asked.

Kevin beamed and nodded as he picked cucumbers from the sandwich, “Yep, I got my boys. Karen got the girl. I thought about trying to get custody of her too, but she’s not my kid. I figured that Wallace can fight for her when he decides that he’s had enough of her mother.”

“So how is that…” Jim said as he waved his hand around, not really wanting to say ‘divorce’, “How’s that all going?”

“So-so,” Kevin said with a shrug. “I mean, really, I got what I wanted. I wanted full custody of my sons and that was granted. Of course, Karen is constantly hounding me for money – not that I really have a whole lot of it left. I don’t think that she’s going to get it…”

Jim huffed, “Good luck with that.”

“How did you handle it?” Kevin asked.

“Well that is something that I’ve tried to forget about,” Jim replied quietly.

“Sorry to bring it up,” Kevin said. “But at least you’ve been in my situation before. You probably know all the tricks that she wants to pull far better than I do.”

“You were married to her a lot longer than I ever was,” Jim said.

“Yeah,” Kevin said, nodding, “though the Karen that you’re married to and the Karen that you divorce are two vastly different women.”

Jim nodded thoughtfully, “You have a good point there.”

“So…” Kevin asked again, “any helpful tips to handling divorce from Karen?”

Jim rubbed his chin thoughtfully and sighed, “I guess the best advice that I can give to you is to never back down.”

“I already have what I want though,” Kevin argued.

“True,” Jim said. “But the second that you back down and think that you can get back into a normal life is the second that she comes back and wants more.”

“Wants more…what?” Kevin asked.

“Money,” Jim replied simply.

Kevin huffed, “I think that she already got all of my money.”

Jim shook his head, “No. She’ll find some other way. She’ll find loopholes through accounts that you once shared. She’ll…she’s…she really knows what you’re doing.”

“Should I close my bank accounts?” Kevin asked nervously.

“If she had access to them…” Jim replied before he completely trailed off, the wheels in his head starting to turn at a rapid pace as he started to piece together everything that had happened to him over the past few months.

“So what you’re saying is…” Kevin began, but Jim didn’t hear anything further.

Immediately after divorcing from Karen, Jim had closed all of his accounts that he had shared with Karen. However, he had not taken his business accounts into consideration – not that he had the authority to actually close any of them himself. He hadn’t shared any of these accounts with Karen, but if he remembered correctly, she had had access to them. He knew that he had had access to the money in her business accounts, though he very rarely used it unless they went on a vacation and he had forgotten numbers and cut up credit cards immediately following the divorce.

“Switch your business accounts,” Jim said quickly, cutting Kevin off mid-sentence.

“What?” Kevin asked.

“Your business spending accounts,” Jim replied. “You have them, right?”

“Of course,” Kevin said.

“Cancel all of them,” Jim said.

“But…”

“All of them!” Jim said loudly.

“I…” Kevin stammered. “Okay?”

“I have to go,” Jim said, standing up quickly. “Good luck with everything.”

“Yeah, you too,” Kevin said, looking at Jim with bewilderment.

Jim practically ran from the break room and immediately made his way to the conference room. The meeting wouldn’t start for another half hour, but with any luck the lawyers would already be there and he could discuss some things with them before the formal meeting started.

 

He burst through the doors of the room and stood dumbly in the doorway as he looked around the table and saw Michael, Ryan and the lawyers all sitting around – seemingly already in the middle of a meeting.

“What’s…” he started to say, before he was cut off by one of the lawyers.

“Mr. Halpert! You’re not supposed to be here for another…” he looked at his watch, “forty five minutes!”

“I…” he started, but then he started to wonder why everyone else was there – particularly Michael, who was hardly ever on time for their meetings, much less forty five minutes early. “What’s going on?”

Everyone exchanged glances with one another and Jim felt like he had been punched in the chest by each and every one of them.

“Have you been meeting behind my back this entire time?” Jim asked.

“That’s neither here nor there,” the lawyer replied coolly.

Jim’s forehead furrowed and he shot a desperate glance towards Michael who glumly shrugged and looked down at the papers in front of him. They had been conducting meetings behind his back. He was the vice president and he was being treated like the temps and interns that were constantly coming and going every couple of months. He didn’t know how he could continue working under these conditions anymore…

“I want to close my accounts,” Jim said calmly.

“Your…what?” the lawyer asked.

“All of my business expense and spending accounts,” Jim replied.

“But Mr. Halpert, they’re…you have no power over that,” the lawyer argued. “We’re already monitoring them very closely…you know that.”

“And money is still disappearing,” Jim said. “I want them closed. Closed.”

“But your…” the lawyer continued to argue before Michael cut him off.

“Jim, if you close your accounts, you’ll…what will you…” Michael stammered. “Your money…”

“I know where the money has gone,” Jim said calmly, still standing in the doorway. Although he kept a calm demeanor, he could feel his chest shaking and he was certain that if he looked at his hands, his fingertips would be quaking.

“That’s…” the lawyer said, about to brush him off, but he quickly registered what Jim had just said and his head whipped to the side and he stared at Jim as if he suddenly had three heads.

“It’s Karen Filipelli,” Jim said. “It’s got to be. There’s no other explanation.”

“But Ms. Filipelli is…” the lawyer said.

“No,” Jim said, walking to the table and slamming his palms down on the table top. “Listen to me. She is using a very old account of mine from probably around ten years ago that I haven’t used in years. She still has access to it because she used it when we were married. That’s where the money is draining from.”

“So we just need to close that account,” the lawyer said, filing through a huge folder full of papers.

“No,” Jim said, shaking his head.

“But Jim,” Michael said, “you know what account it is.”

“I have an idea, yes,” Jim said. “I still want all of my accounts to close.”

“Do you know what you’re asking, Mr. Halpert?” the lawyer asked quietly.

“I know exactly what I’m asking for,” Jim replied quietly. Everyone in the room sharply turned their gaze towards Jim standing at the front of the table. Michael stared at him wide-eyed, and almost looked like a tear might fall from his eye. Ryan on the other hand, though also wide-eyed, looked thrilled and like he might jump up and hug Jim.

Jim stood up straight and tugged at the bottom of his tie. “You have until January to find the company a new vice president.”

October 18, 2011

Pam wrapped her arms around Amelia and lifted her from her highchair.

“We’re not going to talk about this?” Jim asked glumly.

“No,” Pam replied, “we are. I’m just going to put her up in her room…so she can’t hear us.”

“Oh,” Jim said, twining his fingers together nervously. They didn’t very often fight and as a result, they didn’t often put Amelia in another room so she couldn’t hear them.

Jim watched as Pam disappeared around the corner of the stairs and made her way up to the second level of their home; the home that Jim had lived in for a several years, the home that he was now considering leaving for good.

 

Pam silently descended the stairs and sat down in front of her half-eaten dinner. She refused to meet Jim’s gaze, she simply sat twirling her fork in her hand; the sound of the silver clinking loudly against the ceramic plate nearly drove Jim crazy.

“Say something,” he said quietly.

A long silence passed with five more clinks of the fork against the plate – he counted.

“When were you planning on telling me?” she finally asked.

“I don’t know,” he replied with a shrug. “I notified them a month ago…”

She shook her head; a month ago she had informed him that she was going to start writing stories as well as illustrating them. She was thrilled about the new job within her company.

“Why did you wait until today?” she asked.

“Michael told me he’s quitting too,” Jim replied.

“I really don’t see why that’s…” she began to say before Jim interrupted her.

“He found this place in Boston,” Jim said.

“What kind of a place?” Pam asked, her eyes narrowing.

“A medium-sized office space,” he replied. “He…we…” he shook his head and stared down at the skin of a baked potato sitting uneaten on his place. “We want to start up our own company.”

Pam’s eyes widened and the fork in her hand dropped with a loud clink against the plate.

“What do you know about starting up a company from nothing?” she asked incredulously.

“I…not a lot,” he replied. “But Michael has done it and I think that it’s promising.”

“How much money are we going to have to invest in something like this?” she asked. “What are we going to do if it doesn’t work?”

“Michael is willing to put the down payment on the office,” he replied. “And it will work. As dumb as Michael can be sometimes, he knows how to run a business. The company we’ve worked for didn’t get to where it is now just like magic.”

“Where will we live?” Pam asked.

“Boston,” Jim replied casually.

“What am I going to do?” she asked, her voice rising slightly.

“What do you mean?” he asked in reply. “You can continue doing what you’re doing.”

“You want me to commute to Manhattan every day?” she asked incredulously.

“No,” he replied. “You can work somewhere in Boston.”

“Yes, because writing and illustration jobs are available everywhere,” she said, rolling her eyes slightly. “At least…I don’t know. I guess I could work from home, but I really love the environment that I’m working in right now. I like working away from home.”

“Well, you can work for our company,” he immediately suggested. “I’m sure that we’ll need some sort of artist…”

“I am not working with you,” she said, a little more harshly than she had intended to.

“Wha…” he cut himself off before he questioned her unwillingness to work with him. The idea of working in the same space as her excited him a bit, but he supposed that she had a point. The last thing that he wanted was for them to become annoyed with one another in the workplace.

He nodded and said, “Maybe the company you work for right now has a branch in Boston. Anyway, you have time.”

“Three months? Well…two and a half months?” she asked loudly. “That’s ‘time’? You realize how much we have to do in that amount of time?”

“Of course…” he said.

“We have to sell this place, we have to find someplace to live in Boston, and we’ll need to find a new nanny for Amelia, and obviously I need to find a new job…” she started listing off everything they needed to do anyway.

“I know, I know, I know,” Jim said. “I’ve been…looking.”

“What?” she asked. “When were you planning on telling me that?”

“I thought that you’d be excited about this,” he replied.

“Maybe I would be if I had more than three months,” she said.

“But you’ll consider it at least?” he asked.

She shook her head, “I don’t think I have any choice, Jim.”

He smiled weakly. He wanted this decision to be a mutual decision – not something that he coerced her into doing. Though the more that he thought about that, the more he began to realize that he hadn’t really given her any choice.