PAM

“Dunder-Mifflin this is Pam,” she droned into the phone as she had so many times before. Michael was in New York for the annual managers’ meetings. Dwight was his typical annoying self, especially with Michael gone. So it had been a boring Friday so far. She didn’t know it at the time, but the innocent phone call she just answered would change her life.

A pleasant female voice spoke to Pam. “Hello. My name is Marilyn Jacobs. I work in HR at Staples here in Scranton and need to talk to someone about verifying employment dates for Jim Halpert.”

Pam froze. Jim. She hadn’t heard his name spoken in months. She hadn’t seen or heard from him since the night he….kissed her. Why were her hands starting to shake? Casino Night happened a year and a half ago. Heck, most of the time these days he didn’t even enter her mind. It took a while, but she had moved on with her life. She had moved on from him. Still, it bothered her that it took quite a bit of effort to still the shaking.

“Miss? Are you there?” Pam snapped back into the present, embarrassed.
“Yes, sorry. Please hold while I transfer you to our HR rep, Toby Flenderson.” Without much thought she punched the necessary keys to connect the call to Toby. Her mind filled with questions. Jim was coming back to Scranton? What happened in Stamford?

Pam unlocked and entered her small apartment. Dropping her purse into a kitchen chair, she headed straight for the fridge and got a beer. She needed something that would take her mind off of the phone call, and more importantly, off the guy it concerned. Slouching down on the couch, she turned on the television out of habit.
Her cell rang just as she had taken a long pull from the bottle. It was her mom. She wasn’t surprised. Her mom called almost every Friday night after she got home from work.

“Hey mom,” she muttered into the phone, suddenly annoyed with how easily Jim had taken over her mind.

“Well hello to you to Pam. A bit cranky tonight are we? That’s what happens when you stay at home alone on Friday night honey,” her mom replied, humor in her voice.

Pam thought about making something up but eventually her mom would see through her. She always did. “Sorry…it’s just…well…I got blast from the past today at work and I’m not sure how to feel about it.”

“Blast from the past? My guess is that ‘blast’ either points to a Roy Anderson or a Jim Halpert. And since you sound upset, my motherly instincts are thinking the latter,” she said.

Pam sighed into the phone. “I’m such an idiot mom. Some lady from Staples called looking for employment dates for Jim. I guess he’s coming back here from Stamford. Anyways I let it hit me and knock me for a loop. I feel pretty stupid right about now. I mean jeez mom, he’s been out of my life for over a year, and I still go bonkers at the mention of his name? How pathetic is that?”

Pam’s mom took a stern tone with her daughter. “Pam listen to me. You are not pathetic and you are not stupid. Jim was your best friend for years. You loved him. Then he was gone. Unlike Roy, you were never able to get closure. Until that happens, you will always wonder what could have been.”

“Are you saying that I need to find Jim and get closure? I can’t do that. I don’t even know where he’s moving to.” Pam fidgeted with the necklace around her neck. “What if he hates me mom?”

“He won’t. I don’t know exactly why he never talked to you after he left, but from all the things you told me about him I don’t think he would think that. Maybe he’s scared that you hate him too,” she replied.

Pam thought about her mother’s words for a minute. If Jim were to walk in her front door right this second she would be mad at him. Beyond mad. But she wouldn’t hate him. Not even a little. “As usual, you are probably right. I’ll have to think about it. Like I said, I don’t even know where he is.”

“Maybe he moved back in with his old roommate. Or maybe the roommate knows where he’s moving back to. Just a thought honey,” her mom encouraged.

“Yeah, maybe mom.” Pam flicked off the television and walked to her bedroom. She opened her closet, peering inside. “I am going to take some of your advice though. I think I’m going to actually go outside of my apartment tonight.”

Her mom laughed. “Good! Go get your mind off the past and maybe you will meet the man of your dreams.”

Pam laughed as well. “On it. Night mom, talk to you later.” She turned the cell off and rummaged through her clothes. The last thing she wanted to do was stay in and brood all night. At least she could be having fun somewhere while brooding instead.

Poor Richard’s parking lot was full of cars but Pam managed to locate a space. She gave her hair and makeup one last look, took a deep breath, and got out of her car. She hardly ever went out by herself if it involved anything other than shopping or matinees. She knew she had no reason to be, but she still was nervous about going solo. This was Roy’s favorite place after all. She shook her head to herself she let a quiet chuckle escape. Roy was working construction in Florida the last she’d heard. He most likely was not at the bar getting hammered. Well at least not at this bar.

A flood of noise washed over her as she walked into the place. It was packed. Laughter and banter swirled around her, along with hazy wisps of smoke. She scanned the crowd, looking for anyone she knew. For a second she thought she would have no luck. But as her eyes fell upon a cute dark-haired guy trying to get the bartender’s attention, she wondered if fate truly did exist. It was Mark.

She watched him grab a couple of beers from the barkeep and willed herself to go talk to him. Try as she might however, her feet remained still, as if encased in concrete. Instead her eyes followed him as he squeezed his way through the throng of people keeping the beers held high. Mark finally made it to a small pub table and set one the beers down. A guy grabbed one of them and they clinked them together in a toast. As the stranger took a swig, Pam’s eyes fell upon his face. Her world then proceeded to implode as she recognized the dark 5-o’clock shadowed jaw topped off by an unruly mop of brown hair. She saw the laughter in his eyes as Mark spoke to him. This can’t be happening. He was actually here. In person. Not twenty feet away from her. Suddenly his eyes shifted and she knew it was too late.

“Oh my God,” she heard herself whisper. He had seen her.

The room suddenly felt like it was in slow-motion as their eyes locked. She saw his mouth go slack with astonishment. Fear and embarrassment grabbed hold of her and she couldn’t seem to breathe. Finally able to make her legs work, she turned around and bolted out of the bar.

JIM

“Alright, alright man. No need to beg. I’ll go have a beer. You will have to help me move the big stuff in this weekend though,” Jim told Mark as he shifted his cell from one ear to the other. He grabbed another box from the U-Haul and carried it up the steps to his second-floor apartment

.
“If begging gets you to actually come out on a Friday night then so be it. Poor Richard’s. Seven. Don’t be late Halpert. Glad your back man,” Mark said over the phone as Jim set the box down in the living room.

“Glad to be back. I guess. See you there.” He snapped the phone shut and slid it across the kitchen counter. He really was glad to be back actually. He never thought he would, but after a year and a half in Stamford he actually begun to miss Scranton. His family was here, as were most of his friends. His good memories far outweighed the bad.

He sliced the tape and opened the box he had just brought in. It was labeled ‘L.ROOM’. He searched through the box, already blanking on what he had thrown in it back in Connecticut. As he fished around its contents, something caught his eye. He grabbed a small round object and drew it out with two fingers. It was a poker chip. Smiling to himself, he thought that this was the perfect item to represent both his best and worst memories. Shoving it absently into his pocket he vaguely wondered how married life was treating her. Not that he cared. Or thought much about it. He had gotten very good at thinking about her while pretending not to.

At first Jim thought Mark wasn’t going to show. It was twenty after seven and he was finishing the last of his beer. Finally he heard his name and saw his former roommate pick his way over to the small oaken table.

Mark grinned at him and shook his hand. “Halpert! Long time no see man!”

Jim grinned back, glad to see a familiar face. “Yeah long time. Too long. How’s life been treating you?”

He shrugged and waved his arm trying to get a server’s attention. “I live in Scranton. What could have possibly changed here? Other than what happened to that chick you used to crush on, things here have been pretty much exactly the same.”

Jim stopped in mid-drink, a slow ache dissolving in his stomach. “What chick? What are you talking about Mark?”

Sighing, Mark replied, “Looks like I’m going to have to go to the bar for a beverage.” He glanced at Jim. “Don’t tell me you have forgotten already. It was big news around here when she walked out on Ron or Roger or whatever his name was. Just like that Julia Roberts movie.” He paused when noticed Jim’s face go completely white. “Halpert, c’mon man. You had to have heard about it.”

Jim was nearly speechless. “Nah. Actually I didn’t. Wow.”

Mark clapped him on the shoulder. “Jim. Sorry. Seriously. I thought you knew.”

He shook his head and forced a smile. “Not your fault, guess I should have known right? Grab me another beer when you go up ok? Got to celebrate being back in the City That Always Sleeps you know?”

Mark grinned and clapped him on the shoulder one more time as he waded up to the bar to get the beers. Jim leaned against the table, lost in thought. How in the world did he miss that? The thing was is that he knew exactly how. When he left Scranton, he vowed to have nothing to do with any of the places or the people who lived in it ever again. Scranton equaled pain and a life lost to him. If he was going to be able to keep on breathing, he had to leave what suffocated him behind. No one really tried to keep in touch anyway. Kevin was the only person he still talked to, and that was just about fantasy football. There was one strange email he did get from Michael once. All it said was ‘I told you so. EAM.’ He had deleted it and chalked it up to Michael being Michael. Now it made sense. “Engaged ain’t married,” Jim breathed to himself.

Mark returned with a couple of drinks and set one down for him. “Here’s to you bro, welcome back home and congrats on becoming Paper Products Sales Rep for Staples – Scranton!”

Jim grinned and clinked his beer with Mark’s. He took a quick drink and looked around the room. It had gotten quite busy. Setting his beer down his gaze happened to fall upon a young woman just inside the entrance. His first thought was how cute she was. His brain stopped working soon after that. It was Pam. And she was staring at him. Her hair was down, in loose curls around her face. She had on a navy sweater and faded jeans, both of which showed off her figure in a way he never remembered seeing it back at the office. Before he could process his next thought she turned and left, urgency in her movements.

Finally he heard what Mark was saying. “-hearing me? You look like you just threw up or something.”

“Pam was here. Just now.” As he verbalized those words, a rush of courage sprung up inside him. Ignoring Mark’s questions, Jim pushed his way though the people and outside into the darkness. He had no idea what he was doing. Was he just going to walk up to her and say ‘Hi Pam I know I haven’t talked to you in over a year but I just heard about the wedding thing. Will you marry me?’ Maybe he would shout at her until his voice grew hoarse for not calling him when she left Roy. But she was there, really there, and he had to say something – anything – to her.

He scanned the parking lot, a panic slowly growing in his mind. She had already left. Or maybe he really did just imagine it all. He leaned forward, hands on his knees, and tried to make his lungs take in oxygen again. He thought that this is what a sucker punch to the stomach must feel like.

“Hi.” Her voice was so soft that he wasn’t sure he actually heard it. He looked to his left and there she was, partially hidden in the shadow of a huge SUV. She was fidgeting with her hands furiously.

“Uh, hey.” He sounded like such an idiot. He couldn’t think of anything else to say though. How do you start a conversation with a ghost? He still wasn’t convinced she was actually there standing just a few feet away from him.

“Um, I think I’m just gonna go-“ Pam started to say, turning away from him.

“Wait!” Jim blurted out quickly. He felt embarrassed all over again and smiled in spite of himself. His heart leaped into his throat when he saw her do the same.

She looked down at her hands as if willing them to stop tugging at each other. Not looking up, she said, “I got a call about you today. Some HR lady at Staples. Guess you are coming back here huh?”

Jim suddenly found the pavement right below his feet quite interesting. “Well, ah, yeah I am, I guess. My boss in Stamford quit to take a corporate job with them. Looks like they will be merging them with you guys. He was able to get me on at the store here.”

“Oh. We haven’t heard that yet. Guess maybe they will tell us on Monday or something,” she replied keeping her voice under control as best as she could.

He couldn’t think of anything to say so he just nodded his head. They stood there for a minute looking at everything but each other. Each of them at one point started to say something, but it ended up dying on their lips.

Finally Pam was able to bring her eyes up to meet his. “So were you going to be out of a job then since they were merging the branch?”

The question seemed innocent enough but he knew what she was asking. He ran a hand through his hair and tried to think of a way to answer her. “Uh, well no. Actually they asked me to be Michael’s number two. But I didn’t think it was a good fit, you know? I mean Dwight would have killed himself if he found out that I was going to be his boss.” He regretted trying to make a joke out of it and he could tell Pam wasn’t falling for it either. It may have been the moonlight, be he swore he saw tears reflecting back at him in her eyes as she fumbled for her keys from her purse.

Her voice took on a purposely casual tone as she replied, “Well it’s good to have you back. I hope we can still be friends.” Without waiting for a reply she turned and melted into the darkness of the parking lot, gone from his life again.

Jim just stood there, lost in thought. He didn’t know what to think anymore. He had seen and even talked to Pam. She knew he was back but what did ‘back’ even mean? He heard Mark behind him asking him if everything was ok.

“Nah man, I don’t think it is.” They shook hands and promised to meet up tomorrow. As Jim headed for his car, he pulled out the poker chip from his pocket as he fished for his keys. He held it up, twisting it slowly. It might have been something else entirely, but he swore he saw a small object that looked just like it attached to Pam’s keychain.

PAM


She was in a bad mood. Not only did she only get like six hours of sleep the entire weekend, but she had to call a tow truck to come out and jump-start her car. Apparently she had left her lights on when she got home Friday night. She didn’t want to blame herself, so instead she blamed Jim for it. When Pam shuffled into work Monday morning the last thing she wanted was to deal with Michael or Dwight or pretty much anyone.

She settled into her desk and checked the voicemails from over the weekend. She then grabbed the faxes off the machine and flipped her monitor on, already dreading the day ahead. Friday had taken a year’s worth of getting over Jim and thrown it out the window.

When she had left the bar, she fully intended to get to her car as quickly as possible and get home. A feeling, long since boarded up, stopped her though. Something inside her that had always missed him since the day he left. It would not let go of him no matter how hard she tried. So she hesitated, and then he was there, literally bursting through the door to the parking lot.

She was proud of herself that she managed to talk to him without either a) kissing the life out or him or b) beating the life out of him. In fact, things seemed to go just fine. Well until he told her that he didn’t come back for her. In fact he came back in hopes of purposely avoiding her. That’s when she left. Jim Halpert did not deserve to see her cry.

Still, she did nothing but sit in her apartment, watch television, and pick up the phone a dozen times with the intent on getting in touch with him. Or at least finding out how to get in touch with him. The closest she got was his and Mark’s old apartment number, which was no longer in service.

The phone rang and brought Pam out of her self-pity. She briefly considered letting it just go to voicemail. Sighing, she yanked up the receiver and mouthed the same line she always mouthed.

“Hey,” a familiar voice said to her. The air in her lungs froze. God she wished that just the sound of his voice would stop doing that to her.

“Hey yourself,” she replied. Maybe she should just hang the phone up now and go hide in the bathroom all day.

“I have a weird question for you. Well, uh, weird isn’t really the right word. Replace weird with odd,” he said, a hint of humor in his voice.

Pam twirled the phone cord around a finger. What was he up to? “Feel free to ask. I may not answer it though.”

“Fair enough. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?” Pam fumbled the receiver and dropped it with a large thump. That may have been the last thing she was expecting him to say. He can’t be serious? Can he? Does he expect to just waltz back and act like nothing’s happened? She finally got the phone back under control, fully expecting to give him an earful of what she thought.

“Yes,” she said. Wait. That wasn’t what she meant to say. Where did that come from? This time it was her head hitting the desk.

“Great. Then it’s a date,” Jim told her.

The word ‘date’ made her eyes swim. “Let’s not go that far with it. I’m not sure how I feel about you yet.” She cheered at herself in her mind. Just because he was back and asking to see her again did not mean she had to become silly putty in his hands. More like play-dough.

“Ah, yeah, sure. That’s cool. No, you’re right. Look, when I saw you Friday-“ he began.

She cut him off, not wanting to get worked up more than she already was. “Meet me at Chili’s tonight. Seven ok? You owe me thirty bucks by the way.” She allowed herself a little grin when she heard him fumbling on the other end of the phone.

Perplexed, he didn’t say anything for a few seconds. She wondered if she had done something wrong. Maybe the weird ‘thirty bucks’ line was not a good idea after all. She was about to explain her car experience from Saturday morning when she realized he was laughing. She hated to admit it, but she loved to hear him laugh.

“Yeah I can do that Beesly. See you there. Unless they call the police to have you escorted out. Maybe you can be arrested by Dwight.” He paused, chuckling. “And its not that I don’t believe you, but why do I owe you money?”

She tried not to but she giggled. A small part of her was shocked and embarrassed that he could still do that by just using his voice. She called him a dork and chided him for not knowing, even though she knew that he could not possibly have any idea. They said a quick goodbye and hung up. Pam looked down and noticed her hands were not fidgeting at all. She took that as a good sign.

JIM

Anger and sadness washed through him as he sat alone in a booth at Chili’s. The night started out so well. They talked about how surreal it was to see each other after so long. She even explained to him about why all of a sudden he owed her money. He then proceeded to explain he can’t help that it’s him she thinks about during the turning on or off of lights in general. With a smug grin she pointed out he had salsa on his shirt. Round one to Beesly he agreed. When a certain part of the past came up however, the conversation quickly turned into the worst fight he had ever had with her. He said some things out of anger that he couldn’t take back and she did the same. His bright idea to take a chance on her – on them – morphed into a battle of who could hurt each other the most.

Truthfully, he didn’t remember much about what they actually said. He knew he accused her of being a coward at some point. She responded about how he was worse than a coward; that he was a coward and a tease. That really hurt him, even though deep down he knew Pam was right. God he hated thinking back to that night. Downing the last of his soda, he motioned for the check.

He wasn’t in much of a hurry to leave though. She had bolted out a good fifteen minutes ago, wiping at her face. Her tears caused him a tremendous amount of anguish, but he was too angry to go after her. It probably wouldn’t have mattered anyway. They were about as done as done could be. He left some cash on the table and headed for the door.

The pleasant evening air did little to ease the numbness he felt. Smiling bitterly to himself, he remembered that this was the exact way he felt driving up to Stamford for the first time. He vowed never to feel that way again, yet here he was. He felt the front of his pockets for the car keys when he heard someone noisily blow their nose. Glancing around, he found the source of the rather gross outburst. His numbness thinned a little. She had not left after all.

Keeping his eyes firmly on the ground, he slowly sat down beside her on the bench. She didn’t even acknowledge his presence at first. But she didn’t ask him to leave either. He stretched out his legs and shoved his hands into his pockets, trying to think of something to say that wouldn’t make her yell at him.

After a few minutes, she was the one to speak first. “I remember this bench.”

Jim reflexively took a hand and ran it along a painted slat. “The Dundies right?”

She nodded a little. “Yeah. I was pretty drunk that night. You had Angela drive me home.” The memory of it brought out a small smile. “She frowned at me the whole time.”

He stared off into the distance, trying his hardest not to smile with her. The corners of his mouth betrayed him however. “Sorry. I guess I should have given you a ride then.”

“It’s funny you say that,” she replied. Pam glanced over at him, and he didn’t look away. “That’s what I was going to ask you that night. Sort of.”

Jim’s eyebrows twisted up in confusion. “Sort of?”

She shrugged and studied a car slowly driving by them in the parking lot. “I wanted a ride home with you, just not back to my home.” A whoosh of air escaped her lungs. “Wow that feels like it happened a whole lifetime ago.”

Jim didn’t reply. Her casual admission took all of the anger he had bottled up from their earlier fight and smashed it into a million tiny pieces. What the hell had happened to them? He loved her so much, yet ran away and hid when she didn’t respond the way he wanted her too. He never really appreciated how hard life was for her back then. What she struggled with. She must have felt so alone after he left.

Suddenly he was fiercely proud of her. She was able to face her fears and go on with her life. She was able to stand up for herself when no one else would. The easy way would have been to marry Roy and live the safe life. But she didn’t. She instead took the proverbial road less traveled in which her best friend was in another state and there was no one to rely on except for herself.

Slowly, inch by inch, he eased his hand towards hers. Finally his pinkie rested against its twin on her hand. He lifted his and rested it on hers, feeling the warmth from such a tiny finger. To his relief, she made no move to discard it. “Pam,” he said softly, looking at her until she brought her eyes to his. “I’m sorry. For everything.”

“Yeah. I’m sorry too Jim,” she whispered. They sat there in silence for a while. She finally broke the stillness that enveloped them. “I have an idea. Let’s ask each other one question. It can be anything. The only rule is that there can be no yelling of any kind. Want to play?”

Jim’s mouth finally gave over to a smile. “You first Beesly.”

Pam searched his face a moment. “Believe it or not, I get why you left. I guess I have always wondered why I never heard from you again. It was like our friendship never happened. I know things changed that night. But I always thought that we would be able to talk…that no matter what we had something that was just us, you know?”

Jim had thought about that a lot when he first moved to Stamford. And while he never forgot her, as time moved on it became easier to not pick up the phone or start an email. Coupled with the fact that he effectively erased almost every part of his life that she touched, things became easier to live with. But that wasn’t the whole truth. The root of it all, the reason among all others, was something different. Should he tell her? It has been over a year for God’s sake. Her face shone up at him, eyes pleading. He took a deep breath and decided to go for it.

“Like you know, as I so nicely said back in Chili’s, it killed me that after I put it all on the line you chose to still go on with the wedding. I couldn’t be there Pam. I could sit here and give you any number of reasons why I never talked to you again. But you deserve the truth.” He could tell she had her breath held, as if he was getting ready to punch her. “The thing is Pam that no matter how far away I was, no matter how much time had passed, if I heard your voice one single time I would have to hear it again. I wouldn’t care that you were married. I wouldn’t care if you had kids. I would live to hear about your life. I would always measure any woman I met against you and they would always come up short. I would go home at night to an empty apartment and regret not telling you sooner. Not taking the chance.” Jim scrubbed at his face. He paused, his throat starting to close up. “So that’s why I never called. That’s why I never wrote.” His voice was more husky and fierce towards the end than he meant it to be, but he had finally told her. It only took him eighteen months to summon the courage.

For what may be the longest two minutes in history, they both just looked at each other, not saying a word. “Thanks Jim,” she said, snapping out of her trance. She smiled at him but her eyes were sad. “Your turn.”

His mind burned with curiosity. He wanted to ask her what she thought. But if there is one thing he understood about this night, it was that they both needed time. Or something. His thought processes of the past year and a half were slowly being turned upside-down. “I may need to cheat a little,” he told her. “And it won’t involve the yelling kind. Ok?”

She nodded slowly, unsure of what he was doing. Jim pushed on. “I have two questions actually, but one depends on the other. Alright here is the first.” The question stuck to the roof of his mouth and for a second he thought he was just going to get up and run to his car in a blind panic. Her thumb rubbed against his hand and the panic subsided. “Do you think we will ever be friends again?”

She started to say something but stopped before any words made it out. Shaking her head a little, as if clearing an insect out of her hair, she replied, “I – I don’t know Jim.” His eyes dropped so she quickly added, “I want to be. I’m not saying I don’t. Jim, please look at me.” Jim’s eyes found hers again. “I think we are at some weird place. Like we have all of these intense feelings going on for each other, but not all of them are good you know? I don’t think we can go back to how it was before. But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing? Am I making any sense?”

He felt her thumb brush his hand again and a half-grin flashed across his lips. “Actually you are. Somehow.” At that moment he noticed that his legs were on fire. He had not moved them since he had sat down beside her. Groaning, he stood up and held a hand out to her. “I think we’ve had enough excitement for one night Beesly. It’s getting late.”

She took his hand and he helped her up. “Yeah. I should get going. Work tomorrow and all that you know.”

“So, ah, I still have another question to ask,” he said. She rolled her eyes a bit and smiled, motioning for him to continue. Using up the last ounce of courage left in his body, he asked, “Can you stop by my place Friday night after work? Not using the word ‘date’ so don’t freak out.” He mentally slapped himself for attempting to be funny.

Pam shoved her hands into her pockets and proceeded to study the shoes she had on. “I don’t know where you live.”

“Your email still the same at work?” he asked, his heart thumping just a bit faster than normal.

She nodded. He took that as a positive. But he needed to make sure. “So I’ll email you. Let me know if it doesn’t make sense.”

Pam glanced up at him through her eyelashes with a small grin. “Make sure it makes sense then. And don’t forget my thirty dollars.”

He laughed loudly. For the first time that night in fact. She even managed to laugh a little too as she waved at him. He watched her get into her vehicle and drive away into the night. He wasn’t sure why, but an Elton John song was stuck in his head as he studied dark sky above.

PAM


It wasn’t a date. She had to tell everyone at work that. It was Casual Friday so why wouldn’t she wear a nice blouse and jeans? Her hair was a little extra curly, but so what? She’s not allowed to plug in her curling iron once in a while? And Kelly was quite mistaken when she accused her of putting on lip gloss at her desk.

Five o’clock finally arrived. Once again she explained to Michael that she did not have a hot date or was going out “looking for some booty.” She was careful not to mention Jim’s name. She was sure they probably wouldn’t care that much about him since he had been gone for so long. At least that’s what she told herself as she read his email one last time and couldn’t help but smile just a little.

Beesly-

Attached is a map to my new place from Dunder-Mifflin. My cell is on it too. Just call me when you are headed out so I can start dinner. Before you think of the dreaded ‘D’ word, there is nothing wrong with two friends sharing a meal and catching up. Hmm maybe I shouldn’t use the even more dreaded ‘F’ word either. Too late.
See you Friday. Oh, remind me that I have something to show you. (TWSS). Old habits you know.


Jim

She called him before she got into her car. The conversation was short and polite. It was good that he couldn’t see her hand in a death-grip on her necklace. She flipped the phone shut and tossed it onto the seat beside her. Feeling both wary and hopeful, she turned left out of the parking lot and headed to Jim’s.

The apartment complex was only about ten minutes from work she realized as she maneuvered her car into a parking space in front of his building. Pam double-checked the apartment floor and number on the map and headed up an iron-wrought staircase. She stopped in front of a dark green door with the number ‘21’ on it. Absently she wiped the palms of her hands on her jeans and knocked.

Pam heard the deadbolt disengage. Jim opened the door and grinned self-consciously at her. He sort of froze in place as he stared at her, much like he did at Poor Richard’s a week ago. Outwardly she pretended not to notice. Inwardly she patted herself on the back. She knew he liked her hair down and in curls. Of course she did it just to have a bit of fun with him. It wasn’t like she was trying to impress him...much. This wasn’t a date she told herself again, although it was getting harder to actually believe that.

“Ah...hey. Come in,” he said finally, sweeping his arm in a welcoming gesture. “Sorry the place is still a bit of a wreck. Just pretend cardboard is the new hot style all of the metrosexuals are talking about.”

She laughed and brushed past him into the living room. He smelled nice. He was also really cute in his faded jeans and navy polo shirt. However, the thing that made Pam almost trip over herself was the fact that he wasn’t wearing any shoes. For some odd reason seeing his bare feet quickened her pulse.

In an effort to take her mind off of him, she studied his apartment. His place actually looked a bit smaller than hers. He had a couple of open boxes here and there, but it looked more or less moved into. Another smell filled her senses. She couldn’t quite make it out. “What are you making?” she asked him.

“Just a little lemon-pepper chicken with garlic mashed potatoes. Hope you approve,” he replied as he closed the door behind her.

She staggered slightly, afraid if she took another step she would collapse to her knees. My God. He remembered. She fought as hard as she could to prevent the heat in her eyes from falling down her face. What was it four years ago? They weren’t really even good friends yet. Roy and she were sitting down to eat lunch. The previous night she had cooked lemon-pepper chicken and garlic mashed potatoes. She hardly ever cooked for him and was so proud of herself. Roy hated it and let her know about it. How he worked hard all day and she should know that he didn’t like that crap. Undaunted, she had brought in virtually the whole dinner for lunch in hope Roy would change his mind. He didn’t and left her sitting there. Jim walked it right after him and she knew he could tell she was upset. Thankfully he didn’t make a big deal out of it though. He just sat down and told her about this prank he was going to pull on Dwight after lunch. He asked her for help and she agreed. Out of politeness she offered him a portion of her lunch. He didn’t hesitate, saying that mashed was the only way to eat potatoes. She didn’t know it then, but that’s the moment she started to fall in love with him.

“Pam? You ok? You are frowning at me,” Jim asked watching her face.

His voice sprung her back into her own body. “Sorry. Work was just so…well…you remember right?” Pam gave him a smile that she hoped looked genuine. “So chicken and potatoes huh?” she asked, trying to get her mind off of him yet again.

Jim shrugged and nodded. “Yeah. Sorry it’s so simple. But I think you told me once a while back that you liked it. Is it ok?” he asked.

Pam thought about just throwing her arms around him and squeezing until he couldn’t breathe. Instead she answered, “Sounds good to me. Where’s your bathroom at?”

He nodded in the direction of the hallway. “First door on the right. Can’t miss it. Oh and Pam, don’t look in the hamper. I would not be happy if you saw my Spider-Man pajamas,” he replied, grinning.

Breathing an overly-dramatic sigh she nodded at him. “If I must. Besides, I’d rather see you wearing them anyway.” The words were out of her mouth before she registered what they meant. The sudden blush on his face confirmed her fear. “Jim – no – well – I didn’t mean-“

Jim laughed it off. “I know what you meant Pam. But I would have to agree. I mean who wouldn’t want to see Jim Halpert filling out the red and the blue of the Amazing Spider-man?”

Not able to look at him anymore, she hurried down to the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She was shaking. She put both hands on the rim of the sink, steadying herself. She was losing it. She had worked so hard on rebuilding her life. Sure she wished she could have done some things differently, but she did the best she could. And just when she thought she was finally in a good place, he comes along and wrecks it all. She has seen him a total of three times and she is already picturing herself in his arms. They should be working on being friends again. She shouldn’t be here on a date. And yes it was a date. Might as well call a spade a spade.

She turned the faucet on to hide her sniffles. It didn’t matter that she understood so clearly his reasons for going away and not staying in touch. It didn’t matter that he could make her laugh just by looking at her. It didn’t matter that he remembered food she brought one time at work over four years ago. She was going to walk out of this bathroom, apologize for passing on dinner, and head home to talk to her mom. She wasn’t ready to admit to him what she couldn’t that fateful night in May. Pam grabbed a washcloth and dabbed at the corners of her eyes. She squared her shoulders, opened the door, and fully intended to wish Jim a polite but quick goodnight.

“Jim thanks for making dinner but-“ she started to say but faltered when she focused on him hovering over the table in the kitchen nook. Jim was leaning over it, arranging a bowl of steaming mashed potatoes on a thick cotton towel. He looked at her quizzically but she barely noticed. Her eyes reached past him and locked onto the wall. Or more specifically what hung on it just above his head. It was a picture surrounded by a simple black frame.

The sudden water in her eyes made it difficult to see, but she knew what it was the second she her gaze fell upon the drawing. It was a simple sketch of a lamp on a desk. Nothing overly interesting about it save for the yogurt lid hanging on its neck, surrounded by paperclips. It was hers. She had drawn that from memory one day when she found herself missing him more than usual. She liked to remember that Jim. He was so full of life that day. He made her feel like a kid again with him, and she loved him for that. Tearing her eyes away from it stared at him. “Where did you get that Jim?”

He knew exactly what she was talking about. He watched her carefully, as if she was a porcelain statue ready to shatter all around him. “That is what I wanted to show you. Do you remember last Christmas when Dunder-Mifflin had that in-house auction for charity? Where we all donated something?”
It clicked so suddenly that she thought her head actually snapped back a little. “Yes! That’s right! I donated it!” Her eyes went wide. “Jim! You mean to tell me you are the person who gave-”

A blush filled his face as he interrupted her. “The money wasn’t important to me Pam. I would have given anything.” He turned to study the drawing on his wall. “When I saw it the first time, I knew it was yours without even reading the description. I knew it was my lamp and my medal.” Jim looked back at her, his eyes intense. “At first I wasn’t going to bid on it. I thought it was just be too – intense - to have around. But then I started thinking of how selfish that was. You had drawn that. And it was – is –awesome. Seriously. I thought that if you had drawn something so beautiful you might have drawn other stuff too. Maybe that meant you were chasing down something in your life that you wanted to do no matter what anyone else thought. And that thought, Pam, made me happy. And proud. So I bought it.”

At that very moment, when she looked at him standing there, grinning that half-grin of his, Pam gave up the fight. Every inch of his face resonated sincerity. He hid it well, but behind the fire in those eyes was the love he told her about one night long ago. It was so clear once she stopped being blind to her own feelings. She took two steps towards him, her eyes never wavering from his.

He opened his mouth to say something but never got the chance. Her mouth was on his in an instant. She snaked her arms around his neck and pulled him closer, giving in to her rekindled feelings. He stiffened in surprise. The only coherent thought in her mind maybe she made a mistake. Maybe he really was past her – past this. Then his long arms wrapped around her and his mouth settled into hers, returning her kiss with a deeper one of his own.

She shivered, a cold tendril of excitement spreading up her spine. Jim, being Jim, noticed this and motioned with finger and a smile to stay. She watched him, breathless, as he rummaged through a box in his living room. He quickly produced a neatly folded Phillies jersey. He brought it to her and helped her put it on. It was a bit large on her, but she didn’t care, not even a little. She didn’t have the heart to tell him that she wasn’t cold. Because even when he didn’t have it completely right, he always somehow made it better instead. He clutched the jersey in his hands and drew her to him. She let him.

Dinner was forgotten, left to cool on the table. They somehow found themselves on the couch, holding onto each other for dear life. Tender kisses were sprinkled in between the silence of their gazes. Neither said a word. Their tears and smiles said it all.

Pam yawned as she unlocked the door to her place. It was a little after eight in the morning when she finally got home. She shrugged off the Phillies jersey Jim had given her and folded it over a chair. Her hair was a mess and she just wanted to go to bed. A small flashing red light out of the corner of her eye caught her attention. She pushed the soft blue button on the answering machine and opened the fridge to get some orange juice. The robotic voice on the small device informed her that she had two new messages.

Her mom’s voice filled the apartment. “Hi dear it’s me. It’s about nine. I tried your cell but it went straight to voicemail. I guess you’re out. That makes two Friday nights in a row…something you need to share? Just kidding Pam. Give me a call whenever. Love you!”

There was a short pause and the next message started. She sipped a bit of juice and smiled, her body tingling. It was him. “Uh, hey. It’s me. Jim Halpert. You know from Poor Richard’s? I would have called your cell but I thought it would be a treat for you to hear my voice when you got back. Plus you shouldn’t talk on the phone while driving. I know you do that Beesly.” She snickered at that. “I just wanted to tell you, ah, that I’m glad I came back. And I’m really glad you never left.” Pam set down her glass, afraid she might drop it. She was glad too. “And I forgot to give you the money I owe you. Maybe as a suitable trade you can keep my jersey. Your call. See you Sunday. You will not be disappointed in my burgers. Promise.” The message ended. She played it again, just because.

Another yawn widened her mouth. She decided to call her mom back after a nap. Snatching up her jersey, she walked back to the bedroom, bouncing on her feet. Pam smiled wistfully as she carefully hung the shirt up in her closet. She would have to remember to tell Jim that he couldn’t offer something in trade that was already hers.

***

Jim awoke with a start. He had been dead asleep, sprawled out on the couch. Pam had stayed there all night and even into the morning with him. They barely moved from the couch and didn’t really sleep that much. It was the single best night of his life. He squinted his eyes and grabbed his watch off the coffee table. It was a little after one.

A sharp knock rapped on his front door again and he stood up slowly, his body screaming for more sleep. He padded over and glanced through the peephole. It was Mark. Suddenly Jim remembered that they were supposed to go out for lunch today.

Mark chuckled at the crazy-haired guy who opened the door. “Did I wake you up Sleeping Beauty?”

Jim rolled his eyes. “Nice. Come on in. I need to scare up some coffee real quick.”
“And some pants too it seems,” Mark noted given Jim’s state of current undress. “Late night I take it?”

Jim grinned so wide his lips hurt. “Yeah. Pretty late.”

As he shoved a comforter to the side to make room on the couch, Mark’s eyes drew into tiny slits. “Uh oh. I’ve seen that goofball look before. Tell me what happened.”

Jim rummaged under the counter for his coffee pot. He didn’t make the stuff very often, but he was so groggy that he needed a boost if he was to function at all for the rest of the day. He stood up and plugged the appliance in, still unable to reign in his happiness. “Nothing much really. Pam stopped by and we caught up.”

Mark snorted. “I was your roommate through many a late-night conversation about her Halpert. You know I don’t believe that you just ‘caught up’ right?”

Jim added some Folgers and water to the pot and turned it on. He looked at Mark, who was watching him expectantly. Expelling a burst of air, Jim replied, “I gave her my Phillies jersey.”

Mark sat back on the couch and pushed a ‘phfft’ through his lips. Then he sprung upright, recognition washing over his face. “THE Phillies jersey??”

Jim nodded at him. “Yup.” He had bought it a few years ago at Christmas. It was a tad big, but he thought it would look cute on her. He had gotten Pam’s name in Secret Santa. He was going to go all out. He figured if he couldn’t then he never would. He picked out a teapot in her favorite color and stuffed it with things only they knew about. Good things. He had got her a card and put two torn ticket stubs to a Phillies game in it with “I.O.U.” written on them. He had carefully written his words on the card itself, finally telling her in ink what he could not with his stubborn mouth. Things didn’t go as planned however, and the jersey he was going to give her stayed wrapped in the back of his car. Dozens of times he thought about throwing it away. Dozens more it was the only thing that gave him hope.

Mark could do nothing but shake his head. “Whoah Jim. Seriously.”

Jim walked over and punched him on the shoulder. “I know.” He stretched his arms over his head, which seemed to relax his entire body. “I’m going to grab a shower. Have some coffee. And there is chicken and mashed potatoes in the fridge. Not even touched.” Jim headed down the hall, away from his stunned former roommate. Still a bit dizzy from the events of last night, he smiled yet again. He couldn’t help it. He knew things were different between them, but in a good way. Pam was still Pam, but she was different too. She seemed stronger somehow. She had her own place, worked hard on her art, and basically found herself all over again. She was like a newer, fancier model of the person he left back at his desk long ago. They had some things to still work through no doubt. Some things hadn’t changed though. After all, their poker chips matched. For the first time in a pretty long time, he felt optimistic.