1. not Poor Richard's by downtown
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
“So, why are we meeting them here again?” Pam grabbed Jim’s hand as they walked into the Bog. She looked around and noticed that it was much darker than Poor Richard’s, Dunder-Mifflin’s usual Friday hangout.
“Kevin mentioned something about his Fantasy Football team meeting up here later to watch the Eagles preseason game, so he mentioned coming here instead of Poor Richard’s for our Friday Drinks,” he motioned over to the bar as he looked around for the rest of his co-workers. He saw Kevin immediately and held up a hand to signal him. Kevin nodded and walked towards them at the bar. Pam sat down and ordered a vodka tonic for Jim and an iced tea for herself.
Kevin frowned. “Why aren’t you drinking, Pam? Wait…” he looked over at Jim and chuckled. “You’re pregnant!”
“NO!” Pam and Jim cried at the same time, shaking their heads repeatedly.
“No, no, NO, Kevin, I’m NOT pregnant. I just really wanted some iced tea.”
“But it’s Friday, Pam. Are you sure you’re feeling okay?” Kevin held his knuckles to Pam’s forehead. She grimaced.
Jim gently nudged Kevin’s wrist away from his girlfriend’s face. “She’s fine, Kev, where’s everyone else?”
Kevin looked around and shrugged. “Running late? I’ve only seen Andy.”
Pam squeezed a lime into Jim’s vodka tonic and handed it to him. “I’m going to grab a table. Meet me over there,” she pointed to an empty booth she spotted across the room. Jim nodded and turned when he felt a tap on his shoulder.
“’Sup, Big Tuna,” Andy sipped the pink cocktail in his hand.
“Nice drink, Andy,” Jim snickered. “From what I remember, I thought you were a Jäger man.”
“Kelly got me turned onto these things, I don’t know,” Andy shrugged.
Jim looked around. “Where is she, anyway? I thought everyone was coming over right from work.”
Andy shook his head. “I don’t know man, something about a Victoria’s Secret sale at the mall—blah, blah, blah—do you ever just zone out when Pam is talking sometimes?”
Jim looked at him with a twinge of sympathy. Andy had gotten involved with Kelly fairly quickly after Ryan left town, but for some reason Kelly hadn’t declared her immediate desire to make babies with him yet. Jim was stumped.
“No, Andy, can’t say that I do. I mean, sometimes I zone out when it’s dark and she’s on top of me, but other than that…” Sometimes he really enjoyed working Andy up a bit.
Andy scoffed and threw an arm around Jim’s shoulders. “Excellent work, Big Tuna! I knew you had it in you! For conquering the fair Miss Pamela Beesly, I believe I do owe you some shots.”
“Not necessary,” Jim shook his head. Andy ignored him and signaled for the bartender. “Two—no, make that six shots of Jäger, please, and put it on my tab.”
“Really, Andy, I’m not trying to—“
“Silence, Big Tuna,” Andy said as he pushed the first of the shots into Jim’s palm. He handed one to Kevin who happily accepted. Andy grabbed one and raised it slightly. “To the women in our lives that make us zone out when they’re naked.”
Jim sighed and took the shot down quickly. Andy followed suit, as did Kevin.
“Nice,” Kevin said as the alcohol burned his throat. He nudged Jim’s elbow. “So, Jim, how many of these does Andy have to buy you before you’ll tell us what Pam looks like naked?”
Jim shook his head and looked at his feet.
“Now, that’s an idea, my friend,” Andy said, lightly patting Kevin on the back. Jim ignored them and walked over towards Pam’s booth. Kevin and Andy followed behind quickly, holding the remaining three shots. Jim slid into the seat beside her and she nodded towards Andy.
“Getting started early, I see,” she glanced at her watch. Jim leaned down and kissed her lightly on the lips. She nodded, tasting the Jäger on her tongue.
Andy reached his hand across the table and rested it a few inches from Pam’s. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Here’s the thing, Pam, see, Big Tuna here is a man of tradition. Jäger shots were something that he and I used to do back in Stamford, you know, guy bonding stuff.”
Jim rolled his eyes and took another shot from Andy. “Guy bonding? More like, me, you, and Karen staying up all night, doing Jäger shots, eating sushi, and doing Josh’s dirty work for him.” He took the shot quickly, contorting his mouth and blowing a puff of air through his lips as the alcohol burned him. He didn’t notice Pam flinching slightly at the sound of Karen’s name.
Andy took another shot before continuing. “Well, I’m not sure what you and Lady Filippelli were working on after you guys left together, but I’m sure it had nothing to do with paper, if you know what I mean.”
Pam covered her eyes with her hand and took a sip of her drink. Jim let out an audible sigh as he reached his long arm across the table and grabbed Andy by the tie. He pulled him forward slightly until Andy was leaning uncomfortably across the table top.
“Let me refresh your memory. You passed out on your Aerobed on the floor of the office, I attempted to ride my bike home but was obviously too drunk, so Karen—who was not drunk at all—offered to give me a ride back to my apartment. She dropped me and my bike off, and then she went back to her place, alone. End of discussion.” Jim spat the last word and dropped Andy’s tie, sending him backwards slightly. Kevin grabbed the last shot and drank it down before it was gone.
A waitress passed by and Pam stood up slightly, waving her hand to get the woman’s attention. “Excuse me? Can I get a margarita please? Tall, Cuervo, on the rocks, salt.” Jim nudged her waist and looked at her pointedly. She shrugged off his hand and leaned back in the booth, crossing her arms over her chest. Jim sighed and sipped his vodka tonic.
“Oh, that’s an old trick of hers, the ‘let me drive you home’ thing,” Andy replied, adjusting his tie and smoothing out the wrinkles in the front of his shirt. “She did that to me a couple of years back, when I first transferred to Stamford from Albany. Want me to continue?”
Jim glared at him. “If I say no, will you go away?”
Andy chuckled. “That’s what I thought. You’re a curious one, Big Tuna, and that’s what I like about you.” Pam rolled her eyes and watched the waitress cross the room towards her. She grabbed the drink from her hands and mumbled “thank you” quickly before taking a big sip.
Kevin raised his eyebrows and looked across the table as Pam gulped down her margarita. “Whoa.”
Jim glared at Andy, his jaw set tight. Andy nodded and continued. “—well, let’s just say that my first quarterly sales all-nighter at the Stamford branch went different than Big Tuna’s here,” he motioned towards Pam.
“Andy, are you still talking?” Jim asked, motioning for the waitress and gesturing for another drink.
Andy smirked. “Karen and I always had this weird, on-again-off-again thing, really difficult to explain. Tiger in the sack, though. Me-ow!”
Jim’s jaw dropped. Pam burst into uproarious laughter. She slapped her legs and then covered her mouth as she snorted.
“You—and Karen--?” she could barely make out her words between her laughter. She finished her margarita and looked over at Kevin’s half-finished beer. He shrugged and pushed it over towards her and she brought it to her lips.
Jim shook his head. “You and Karen? Never happened.”
Andy cocked his head to the side. “You sure about that, Big Tuna?” Jim remained silent at the challenge in Andy’s eyes. He lowered his head towards Jim’s across the table. “That tattoo—the rose-colored angel’s wing on her upper thigh—is for her grandmother.” Jim’s eyes grew big as he took his fresh vodka tonic and gulped it down in three sips. Andy smirked. Pam shook her head in disbelief as she saw Jim take in what Andy had just told him.
“Nice,” Kevin said, reaching over to smack hands with Andy. “Karen is so hot.” Jim glared at Andy silently as he felt Pam’s hand on his forearm.
”It was a long time ago, though. Way before you guys had your thing—so, no hard feelings, Big Tuna?”
Jim nodded slowly before answering. “Well, that explains a lot.”
“Like what?” Andy asked.
“Oh, I don’t know, all the times she told me how grateful she was that I knew what to do with her, since the last guy she had been with was completely inadequate in that department,” Jim sipped his drink coolly. Pam squeaked and then laughed nervously.
Andy chuckled and looked over at Pam. “Maybe things were a bit icy with Karen, but I tell you what, I could definitely handle the lovely Miss Beesly—if you decide you want to ditch Big Tuna here and head for open waters.”
“Whoa!” Pam said, shaking her head and waving her hands in front of her face in disbelief.
“Wow,” Jim added. “Andy. What?”
Pam laughed and put her arm around Jim’s shoulders, pulling his head down towards her and capturing his mouth with her own. Her hands went into his hair as his lips made it down her jaw and dipped below her earlobe. She whimpered as she felt his hands moving slowly up her sides.
Andy cleared his throat and held his hands up in defeat. “I get it, okay. You’re not interested.” They pulled away from each other and laughed. Pam placed her hand on Jim’s stomach and patted gently.
“You think?” she chuckled.
Kevin elbowed Andy’s side. “Man, why did you make them stop?”
Jim pulled his cell phone from his pocket and began dialing numbers. Pam looked at him with mock curiosity as she ran her fingers on the back of his neck.
“So, Jim, who’re you calling?”
“Well, Pam, I thought I would give Kelly a call and let her know what her boyfriend has been up to this evening without her.” Jim smiled over at Andy as Pam laughed, covering her mouth with her hands.
“Tell her I said ‘hi’!” she added happily.
“WHAT?” Andy flew across the table and attempted to wrestle the phone from Jim’s hands. Jim held the phone over Andy’s head and pushed him backwards.
“I won’t call her if you promise me one thing,” Jim said.
“Anything, man, dude, please don’t call Kelly, man, she’ll freak,” Andy said, glancing at Jim before looking over at Pam. “Pam, you know I was only joking with the whole – sex-u-al stuff, right? We’re buddies! Amigos! Compadres!” he held his hand up for a high five that was not returned.
Pam chuckled. “Jim, I’m not sure if he understands the terms—“ she looked over at him with a raised eyebrow.
“The terms, right—“ Jim cleared his throat. “We won’t tell Kelly that you slept with my ex-girlfriend and just propositioned my current girlfriend – if, and only if—you stay away from the reception desk for an entire month—“
“—and you participate in any of our pranks against Dwight until Christmas,” Pam added. Jim nodded.
“Nice, Beesly!” he gave her a high five. She nodded and smiled.
“Anything—Tuna, anything you want. Just don’t call Kelly, okay?”
Jim waited a few moments before closing his phone and putting it back in his pocket. Kevin chuckled.
“Dude. Kelly has you so whipped,” he laughed and rolled his eyes. Andy shook his head and waved his hand in Kevin’s face.
“You have no idea, okay? The girl is vicious. Beautiful, amazing—but evil to the core,” Andy said, putting his head in his hands. Jim looked over at Pam and shrugged.
Kelly Kapoor may have not yet demanded babies from Andrew Bernard, but it was clear she had him by the proverbial balls.