************************************
TONIGHT!
Join Jim and Pam
From
The Award Winning Documentary
THE OFFICE
for a
LIVE CHAT
9:00 PM After the Season Premiere
They will answer your questions LIVE!!!
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“Okay, Pam. You just hit this button at 8:45. That will log you into the room under Special Guest status. Terry, the moderator, will be there to walk you through how the chat will work.”  Brian, the camera guy tilts the laptop screen toward the end of the conference room table where Pam is sitting and picking at her cuticles.

She doesn’t know why she is so nervous. The way it was explained to her, all she has to do is log on tonight and answer some silly questions about working at Dunder-Mifflin Scranton. Piece of cake. It’s not like she’s actually going to have to see him.

“Pam…are you with me?” Brian’s question has a concerned tone to it.

“What? Oh, yeah. Sorry. I’m fine. I was listening. I just hit the button and then type. It will be fun.” She’s trying for a cheery inflection in her voice, but she’s afraid she still sounds terrified and desperate.  Brain looks at her and she hates the pity she sees in his eyes. Ever since the camera crew came back from the summer hiatus, he’s treated her gently, as if she would break. She’s not the first person to ever call off an engagement, but it’s almost as if Brian feels guilty about something.

He lifts his production company baseball cap off of his head and ruffles up his thinning hair before slamming the cap back on, brim turned towards his back. He blows out his breath.

“Listen, Pam…it will be okay…I mean the moderator won’t put through any embarrassing questions and you won’t have to answer anything you don’t want to.”

“I know. They explained it to me. And besides…I haven’t seen the show, but I can’t imagine anything I’d have to be embarrassed about…unless someone wants to criticize me for my clothing choices.”

She’s fishing just a little for information, though she’s not exactly sure she’ll be happy with her catch. They aren’t supposed to watch the show or talk to anyone about it. The producers want genuine responses and if they got to see or hear anything they ordinarily wouldn’t, it would affect the show. She’s been dying to know, though, what the cameras saw. Did he explain to them the reason for his sudden transfer to Stamford? Had he said anything in a Talking Head about what happened on Casino Night? She was pretty sure he wouldn’t want to be reliving that in public, but the interviewers could be tricky sometimes. She wants to know if anyone knows what went on with him…what’s going on with him. He sure as hell hadn’t said anything to her.  She knows that he’s mad, but a part of her wants to hear it directly from him.

Brian looks uncomfortable and it dawns on her that maybe people know more than she thought they did.

“Pam, it’s just that…”

“What?”

“The people you’ll be chatting with know…”

“What do they know?”

“See, the way that Eddie and Carla cut things there was kind of a cliff-hanger….”

She repeats his words, suddenly making sense of the smiles people on the street had been giving her since May…the way people always asked her where Roy was with a wink and a smirk. Her life was a spoiler.  “A cliffhanger? Involving me and….”

Brian nods. “The season ended with you guys…um…kissing and the way things started tonight it was you telling Jim that you were still going to get married.”

She’s sinking now. Her fishing expedition has found her overboard and flailing in open seas.  She had no idea anyone knew about that…she thought that moment was private.

“How?”

“Um…we were suspecting something was going to happen, so we were ready. I was in the kitchen and before that…um…Pam, I was in the parking lot, behind Ryan’s car.”

“Wow.” That’s all she can say. She has no other idea how to react to the fact that the most emotionally charged and heartbreaking moment of her life has played out on thousands of televisions.  “Does Jim…does he know?”

Brian nods again. “Sammy’s probably telling him now. We thought it was only fair. It doesn’t change anything for you guys to know what everyone else knows. I mean, it only involves you two.” He swallows the last bit of that sentence, suddenly realizing how ridiculous it sounds. How can something that’s probably up on YouTube involve only the two of them?

He can tell by the angry/hurt look she’s floating his way that he’d best not say anything more.

“I’ll just be…um…I’ll be going.”

“Okay, Brian. Thanks, I guess.”

And then she’s alone in the conference room, waiting until the minute hand hits the nine and 8:45 arrives. She wonders how her life came to this…to something worthy of public consumption and dissection. She thinks about slamming the laptop lid down and running. So what if she signed a contract and so what if the extra money from these live chats will pay for an entire year of art classes? It’s the idea of getting a chance to “see” him and “talk” with him, though, that keeps her rooted to her chair. He’s the reason she presses the login button when the clock tells her that it’s a quarter before nine.

PBeesly_Office has entered the room

Host_Terry:  Hi Pam! Glad to see you got here okay.

PBeesly_Office: Thanks. I guess I did this right.

Host_Terry: Yup. Why don’t we wait until Jim gets here and I’ll explain how things will work tonight?

PBeesly_Office: Are we the only ones here?

Host_Terry: Right now we’re in a private area. There are currently about 650 people in the public area waiting to talk to you guys. You’re very popular.

PBeesly_Office: Wow. That many?

Host_Terry: That number will go up after the show ends in a few minutes.

JHalpert_Office has entered the room

Host_Terry: Jim! Glad you were able to join us.

JHalpert_Office: Thanks. It’s not that I had a choice. Your contract is pretty iron clad.

Host_Terry: Well, we’re still glad you’re here. Why don’t you and Pam say hello to each other to make sure you can see one another?

Host_Terry: Come on guys. Don’t be shy.

JHalpert_Office: Hi, Pam.

PBeesly_Office: Hi, Jim.

She sucks in her breath and tries to figure out how just seeing his name on a computer screen can make her heart flutter and her stomach flip over. The fact that people are sitting in their living rooms right now watching her humiliation doesn’t bother her as much as the coldness she infers from his clipped language and the way he made it seem that he tried to get out of being here tonight. She can tell she’s blushing and she feels the twin urges to both throw up and cry at the same time. She reaches up and touches his name on the laptop screen…glad that she’s alone here now.

Host_Terry: Okay, that seems to be working fine. Let me just tell you how this is set up. We had Michael do one of these last year and it was a disaster. All he did was yell, “Hello Interwebs, this is Michael Scott your leader” at the screen. I think tonight will go much more smoothly.

Host_Terry: You guys are in a protected area right now. At 9, I’ll bring you live and everyone can see what you type. I’ll be posting questions people have submitted. You’ll see those on your screen and you can just type your answer. If you need to talk to me privately, like to ask about what you can and can’t reveal about upcoming episodes, just highlight my name and hit “whisper”. You can talk to each other that way if you want as well. Any questions?

PBeesly_Office: Is there a limit to what people can ask? I mean, we are real people and not fictional characters.

Host_Terry:  I always remember that when I’m moderating, but anything on the show is fair game. You can always just make a joke or something if you are uncomfortable. Okay?

PBeesly_Office: Okay.

Host_Terry: Are you guys ready?

PBeesly_Office: I guess.

JHalpert_Office: Let’s just do this.

Host_Terry: Okay, hang on.

Office_Chat is now LIVE

Host_Terry: Hey everyone! Welcome to our live chat tonight. I’m sitting here with Pam Beesly and Jim Halpert of The Office, everyone’s favorite documentary. How are you guys tonight?

JHalpert_Office: I’m good, Terry. Hi everyone.

PBeesly_Office: Hello. It’s neat being here.

Host_Terry: Well, Jim and Pam, we don’t want to keep your fans waiting. I’ve got a lot of questions for you. Ready to go?

JHelpert_Office: Go ahead.

She braces herself, waiting for the inevitable question about what happened last May. It’s not fair that she’s being forced to confront this, here in front of her “fans”? How did she have fans? She was a receptionist in an office that sold paper. Maybe she should have listened to her sister when Michele told her she was “huge”.  She stares out the window, watching the screen out of her periphery , waiting to see the text scroll and a question appear.

Host_Terry: This question is from HankH in Orlando. “Hi Jim and Pam. I was just wondering if Dwight is really that weird in real life.”

She breathes. She can handle this.

PBeesly_Office: He’s weirder, Hank. Trust me. Television can’t capture all that is Dwight.

JHalpert_Office:  Yeah, definitely. Pam’s right. He’s much weirder.

Host_Terry: If you really want to get to know Dwight, keep checking the site. Dwight will be here for a chat in a few weeks. Okay, this is from ScrantonicityGroupie in Eau Claire, Wisconsin “Hey guys! I was wondering what it’s like to have your whole life filmed. Is it weird? What do you think when you watch yourselves on TV?”

JHalpert_Office: Well, we aren’t really allowed to watch the show. I saw a commercial once and saw myself on TV and was frightened. After a while, though, you get used to the cameras. Maybe too used to them. It can be dangerous to forget that they are always there and could capture something that was meant to be private.

PBeesly_Office: I think even if I could watch, I wouldn’t. I can’t believe anyone finds us interesting.

Host_Terry: Well, plenty of people do. We’re up to 1107 people in chat. Wow! Here’s a question from Jim’sGirl32 in Linden, TX. “Jim, I’m your number one fan. I was just wondering how you are liking Stamford and what the people there are like.”

She pictures him, sitting in an unfamiliar office or maybe in a new apartment, squinting at his laptop. She waits for him to type, anxious for any insight into what his new life is like…what the life he chose instead of her is like.

JHalpert_Office: Well, it’s nothing like Scranton, that’s for sure. They are a little more serious about work and that’s good for me. I’m looking forward to advancing professionally and I think that it’s a great place to do that. That’s why I took the transfer and the promotion. As for the people, they are really nice, though I think you’ll see they have quirks of their own.

Host_Terry: And we’ll look forward to meeting them.  Maybe we’ll get some of them in here for a chat one time. Maybe you and Karen and Andy.

JHalpert_Office: You’d have to talk to them, Terry.

Host_Terry:  I’ll be sure to do that. How about a question for Pam? This is from JetsFan in New York. “Pam, tell us the real reason you called off your wedding to Roy.”

She tells herself that she doesn’t have to sweat this one. She’s had an answer prepared for this question since June 7th.

PBeesly_Office: Well, like I told the cameras, I just needed to get out of that relationship. It wasn’t working and to get married would have been a mistake. It was a very difficult and personal decision, so that’s all I’d like to say about that.

Host_Terry: Fair enough, Pam.  GregQ in Royal Oak, Michigan wants to know “…if Jim and Pam still talk to each other since Casino Night.”

JHalpert_Office: We’re talking right now, Greg 

PBeesly_Office: Yeah. 

She has to stand up and pace in the area in front of the table. This is just so…wrong and frustrating. They are in the same space, albeit virtual, for the first time since that night and all they can do is type half truths and smiley faces. All she wants to do is scream to him in all capital letters that she’s sorry and that she was afraid and that she’s mad he went away but hurt he never called her. She walks over and stares at the “whisper” button that Terry told them about. Maybe she should just tell him that. She’s tempted, but the little voice in her head tells her that he’s moved on. He chose to leave her and break off contact.

Host_Terry: Wow. Time is flying. We have time for just a few more questions. Let’s try this one from ICanJim in Omaha “Jim, first, you are totally hot, but my question is for Pam. Here it is: Pam, do you feel guilty for leading Jim on all that time and breaking his heart? It was totally mean and cruel of you to do that to him and make him cry.”

There is suddenly no air in the conference room.

How is she supposed to answer this? How is she even supposed to come up with a casual remark or joke to get past this? She knows she hurt him. She saw the tear. Apparently, all of America has seen the tear. She wants to come up with something fast so that the people in the chat room can’t see how this question has affected her, but she’s paralyzed…unable to form a coherent response. Is that what people think of her? That’s she’s a heartless tease? The text on her screen moves.

JHalpert_Office Whispers to PBeelsy_Office: I’ve got this one. You don’t have to answer.

JHalpert_Office: I know the question was directed at Pam, but I’d like to address it. First of all, just because you see us on television, doesn’t mean that you know everything about us and it’s unfair of you to judge us based on the 30 minutes of edited footage you see each week. Secondly, Pam doesn’t have a mean or cruel bone in her body. I guess that’s all I have to say.

Host_Tery: Pam, anything to add?

PBeesly_Office: Not really. Jim’s right. It’s unfair to judge us.

PBeesly_Office Whispers to JHalpert_Office: Thanks.

JHalpert_Office Whispers to PBeesly_Office: It’s okay. It was a rude question.

Host_Terry: Let’s end with something light. Pam, RavioliTom in Los Angeles has this question for you. “What have you been doing with yourself now that you are single? Are you pursuing your art?”

She fills up her screen with a description of her classes and the types of projects she’s been working on, hoping that the happy blather will camouflage the turmoil that is coursing through her veins. She’s wanted this chat to be over, but now that it’s wrapping up, she wants a chance to say more to him. She doesn’t want to say goodbye.

Host_Terry Whispers to PBeesly_Office: I’m about to shut this down, but I need you to stay logged in after the room closes, okay? I’m sorry about that question, but it was the nicest one I could find that addressed the topic.

PBeesly_Office Whispers to Host_Terry: Okay.Don’t worry about it.

Host_Terry: Okay, everyone. That will do it for now! Remember, next week you’ll be able to chat with Kelly Kapoor after the episode. That should be enlightening! Also remember that this chat room is open 24/7 to talk with other fans of The Office.   Thanks Jim and Pam. This has been fun.

PBeesly_Office: Thanks, Terry. Goodnight everyone.

JHalpert_Office: Night everyone! Remember, we’re real people!

Office_Chat is now Private

Host_Terry: Thanks you guys, I think that went well.

JHalpert_Office: What the hell was that question, Terry? Your people assured me there would be nothing like that.

Host_Terry: Sorry, Jim, but I told you anything on the show was fair game.

JHalpert_Office: That’s bullshit and you know it. I can’t speak for Pam, but I sure as hell won’t be doing another one of these chat things.

Is he defending her honor or is he just pissed that everyone knows their business. The one poster had basically said that she had led Jim on…humiliated him…is that what he thinks? Her stomach flips again at the thought that there will be no more of these chats. Just seeing him type on a screen has brought him back to life for her. She can see him sitting in the corner of the conference room, arms crossed in front of his chest, legs stretched out in front of him and his mouth twisted into one of those adorable Jim grins. She misses him so much that having him here with her like this will have to be enough. She doesn’t want to squander it.

Host_Terry: You’ll have to talk to the lawyers about that, Jim. I’m just the host. I’m going to get going. Thanks for the chat and for not being Michael. You guys can stick around in here if you want.

Host_Terry has left the room

JHalpert_Office: I’m sorry if I got all weird. It just didn’t seem like something the public needed to be privy to.

PBeesly_Office: Thanks. I appreciate it. I guess I didn’t expect anything like that.

She wonders how long of a pause in typing is equal to an awkward pause in actual conversation. She longs to fill up the screen.

PBeesly_Office: This is weird.

JHalpert_Office: Yeah.

PBeesly_Office: How have you been?

JHalpert_Office: I’m good. Things seem to be going good for you…I mean the art and everything.

PBeesly_Office: Yeah, totally.

JHalpert_Office: Did you watch it?

PBeesly_Office: We’re not supposed to. Did you?

JHalpert_Office: Yeah. Kind of like a train wreck, you know?

PBeesly_Office: I don’t think I could.

JHalpert_Office: Well, just so you know, despite what some of these chat room jerks may say, you don’t come across as cruel or mean. I, on the other hand, look like a stupid chump. But it’s all in the editing, as they say.

PBeesly_Office: Jim…I’m sure it’s not that bad. You aren’t stupid or a chump or…

JHalpert_Office: Well, I should get going. It was good “seeing” you, Pam.

PBeesly_Office: Oh, okay. Take care of yourself.

JHalpert_Office: You too.

PBeesly_Office: Hey, Jim…

JHalpert_Office has left the room

PBeesly_Office: I miss you.

She waits, staring at the still screen, wondering if maybe he saw her message on his hurry out of the room and that he’ll pop back in to apologize for his hasty retreat and his clipped, formal tone. He doesn’t come back, so she logs out of the room and shuts down the laptop.

As she steps out of the conference room, she’s taken aback by the way the darkened office looks. The computer monitors give off a bluish hue and a soft glow illuminates the desks. It’s like that night all over again, except he’s not here…he doesn’t want to be here.

She grabs her purse and keys from behind the reception counter and lets herself out of the office, taking care to relock the door on her way out. She tells herself that if there is another one of these chats, that she’ll do it from home, so that she won’t have to face the scene of her biggest mistake so soon after being blown off by his carefully typed text.

She takes the stairs down to the lobby where she sees a familiar shape sitting on the low bench next to the security booth.

“Brian? What are you doing here?”

“Well, it’s dark and you’re here by yourself. It didn’t feel right leaving you alone.”

“You didn’t have to. It’s fine.”

She notices the laptop sitting in front of him and gestures toward it.

“Did you see that? Were you there?”

He nods. “I’m sorry, Pam. You don’t know how bad I feel about what we filmed.”

She starts to speak to tell him that it’s okay, but he cuts her off.

“Please, Pam. I need to…At the time we were so proud of ourselves, we felt like we were getting the hottest scoop around, but after…it felt all kinds of wrong. I lobbied to keep it out of the documentary, but Iris wouldn’t listen. She wants ratings and Emmy awards and figures you guys are the key. But I wanted you to know that I’m sorry.”

“Thanks, Brian. Really. It’s okay.”

“I just feel really bad.”

“Well, how about you make it up to me by walking me to my car.”

“Okay. Oh,  I was going to ask. Do you want a copy?”

“A copy of what…oh?”

“It’s just that if you were wondering what everyone saw…what we filmed. I don’t know if you want to see it or if….”  He reaches in his bag and pulls out a DVD. He seems unsure about whether or not to hand it to her.

“To be honest, I don’t know if I want to watch it.”

“I understand.” He starts to tuck the case back into his bag.

“But, can I take it, just in case I decide I do?”

“Sure. Definitely.”

She takes the case and lets him walk her across the darkened parking lot to her car. In a way it’s good that she didn’t have to face that alone…not tonight.

Later that night as she tries to sleep, images of Casino Night flash through her head. She didn’t need a DVD to remember everything about that evening…every detail is as clear and painful as it was back in May.  She wonders if there will ever be any words, verbal or typed out in a chat room, that can make up for the mistakes she made that night.

When she dreams that night, she dreams in italics.

*****************************

Chat Live!

With Fans of the Office

24/7

Office Chat!

*****************************

He doesn’t know why he’s doing this. It’s insane and the compulsion is starting to consume his life. He knows for sure it’s having a negative effect on his work. He’s spent a lot of time the last week scouring the Internet for information about her and he’s amazed what he can find out with a Google Search. He’s checked out the college where she’s taking art classes and has seen the police report from Roy’s DUI. He thought moving to another state would be put enough space between the two of them so that he could move on. Last week’s chat made that impossible. He’s a borderline stalker now.

He didn’t want to do the joint chat in the first place. He even called a lawyer buddy of his to look over the contract and see what he could and couldn’t be compelled to do. He was obligated to participate in  at least 5 promotional appearances. One down…four more to go. The network assholes were sadists. What the hell did they think would happen with him and Pam in the same virtual room? Were they expecting reconciliation? Were they expecting Pam to change her mind? They must not have been paying attention all this time, because they really didn’t know Pam.

She acted exactly has he had anticipated. Shy and cool. Unable to say anything real. What was that bullshit about why she called off her wedding? Why couldn’t she just be honest? Why hadn’t she told him? Does the fact that it was a “personal and difficult” decision mean he had to hear about it from Kevin? She told the fucking cameras and she hasn’t even technically told him yet. Why couldn’t she just pick up the phone and let him know what was going on with her?

He finds the answer when he clicks “Spoilers” on the message board on OfficeGossip.com , the most reliable site for information about his former colleagues

ScrantonBound Writes:

Guys…I’ve got the episode description for Thursday! It looks like a good one.

Oooh! I wonder who Pam is dating. Do you think maybe Jim comes back? Is anyone going to the Kelly chat after the show? I bet she’ll have lots of juicy tidbits!

Tidbits. Gossip. Spoilers. This is what his life has turned into. He’s the heartbroken hero who had his dreams dashed in a cliffhanger. On a documentary. On a popular documentary.  People in grocery stores look at him with pity, random strangers slap him on the back and wish him luck, girls try to catch his eye and let him know that they’d never let go of his hands to marry someone else. He saw a girl at Starbucks the other day with a “Team Jim” shirt on. This sucks.

And now he’s reminded that last week, when he was trying to forget everything by immersing himself in the convention in Philadelphia, Pam was out dating some other guy. She got herself free of Roy, but didn’t want him either. It was as simple as that. He had told himself that the offhanded comment he overheard Michael say to Pam over the phone meant nothing, but if her date was going to be the focus of an entire episode…the B plot…then it was probably a big deal.

He doesn’t know if he’ll watch tomorrow night. He doesn’t know if he can.

Everyone else has left the office but he’s reluctant to head home to a bare apartment full of boxes that still need to be unpacked three months after his move. Rather than click on his expense report, though, he opens his internet browser and selects the bookmark for the office chat room. He doesn’t know what he’s looking for or if he really wants to find it, but he connects anyway.

He realizes he needs a new, anonymous name. He thinks for a second and then fills in the registration box, figuring that if you can’t beat them, you might as well join them. He’s surprised this name isn’t already taken.

TeamJim has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

This room looks different than the one he was in with Pam and Terry last week. He can see that there are various rooms to choose from.  “Conference Room”, “Michael’s Office”, “Corporate”, “Stamford” and a range of other locations related to their business.  He figures he’ll stay where he is until he learns to navigate their interface. He can’t believe that there are people in the room now, talking about him and his life. It’s a fascinating social experiment but he wonders if it will do more harm that good.

So much for his desire to just sit back and watch.

TeamJim: First time here.Dunderhead: A/S/L, TeamJim.

He’s spent enough time in sports chatrooms to know what Dunderhead is after. He decides that if he’s going to spend a lot of time in here, he might as well be as honest as he can be. Remembering lies is difficult.

TeamJim:  20something / M / CT

MrsHalpert: Wow! A guy.  We don’t get many of you in here.  There’s Ted, but that’s pretty much it. On a regular basis, anyway. TeamJim, you need to stick around.

PamPong: Back off, Mare, you’ll frighten the poor boy.

TeamJim: Wow. You guys really seem to know each other. Do you hang out here a lot?

PamPong: Pretty regularly, TJ. TheAnnex is the place to be.

FlonkerTed: Did someone say my name? Welcome TeamJim. Good to have support here.

It’s frightening and fascinating all at once. These people know each other because of his stupid job. In a paper company. In Scranton. Their screen names are all derived from names of people he knows, or throwaway comments made once and then forgotten.  He can’t look away, though. He wonders if anyone could.

TeamJim: Support, Ted?

FlonkerTed: Yeah, TJ. Despite the fact that the estrogen brigade here would totally not kick our boy Jim out of bed for eating crackers, they are kind of pissed at him for how he handled things. You saw the premiere, right?

I lived the premiere.  Estrogen brigade?

KevIzCool: Oh, come on Ted. You know you’re just showing solidarity with your gender. You know deep down that Jim is an assturd.

TeamJim: Yeah, I saw it.

MrsHalpert: I like that, Kev. Resolved: Jim Halpert is an assturd.

FlonkerTed: Why don’t we ask TJ

TJ the apparent assturd. The smart alec in him wonders if he should publically ask if that’s not a redundant nickname, but thinks better of it.

TeamJim: Ask me what?

FlonkerTed: Why do you think Jim took off? Was he a jerk to leave Pam to deal with her failing relationship on her own?

Wow. He wonders why this means so much to these people. What difference does it make. Ted’s question seems like homework from a Dr. Phil workbook. Maybe these people can serve as makeshift thereapists.

MrsHalpert: He’ll take his side. All guys are jerks.

TeamJim: Well, honestly, I think it’s pretty obvious why Jim left. He told Pam how she felt and she shot him down…twice. What would you all expect him to do? Be an usher at the wedding? How could he sit there and look at what he couldn’t have day after day. The transfer makes perfect sense to me.

And it still does.

June 13th.  2:42 P.M.

PamPong: I wonder how he found out. Do you think Pam told him? I can’t imagine that he’d be able to stay away after getting a call like that.

TeamJim: I get the impression that he didn’t hear it from her. Because I think if she had told him personally things would have turned out different.

MrsHalpert: So I bet you guys really hate Pam, then.  Turning Jim down and calling off her wedding anyway. Seems kind of cold. How could she not know how he felt about her?

Do I hate Pam? Wow. Deep stuff in this television chat today. I don’t hate her and that’s the problem.

Nerdy?

ICanJim has entered OfficeChat/Annex

PamPong: Cindy!

KevIzCool: Cindy!

MrsHalpert: Cindy!

ICanjim: Hey guys. What’s up in here today? Have you all decided to forgive my Jim, yet?

PamPong: TeamJim was just giving us some guy insight. Interesting stuff.

ICanJim: Hey TeamJim! Welcome to our little corner of OfficeChat. I’m the resident Jim freak.

FlonkerTed: Jim Stalker is more like it. Does he have a restraining order out against you yet?

ICanJim: Funny, Ted. Real funny. You won’t be laughing when I finally hook up with him.

This is starting to get a bit creepy. He remembers that this is the person who asked the incredibly rude question during their live chat last Thursday.

TeamJim Whispers to FlonkerTed: Is she dangerous? Should someone tell someone about her?

FlonkerTed Whispers to TeamJim: She’s harmless. And in Omaha. She can get a little over-the-top annoying sometimes.

TeamJim Whispers to FlonkerTed: Thanks, man.

ICanJim: I haven’t gotten a chance to ask you guys what you thought about the live chat yet. They asked one of my questions!!

PamPong: I saw that. Did you see how Jim defended her? Tell me he still doesn’t care about her.

ICanJim: He only did that because Pam is too much of a baby to stand up for herself. Bitch.

His blood rushes through his veins and he can feel his temples throb. His fingers itch to type back to this person who thinks she knows something about him…something about Pam, but if he were to do so, he couldn’t remain anonymous.

TeamJim: Hey guys. It’s time for me to leave. Work is over. It was fun hanging with you.

ICanJim: Don’t be a stranger. Will you be here for the Kelly chat?

He hadn’t planned on showing up here again, but the protective part of him rears up. He needs to be here now to watch out for Pam and her reputation. He changed her world with his declaration; he can do his part to make sure she doesn’t get hurt any more by it and the repercussions. He also vows to send an email to Terry the second he signs off asking her what can be done with people like ICanJim.

TeamJim: Probably.  Sounds like fun

FlonkerTed: Later,TeamJim. See you then

MrsHalpert: Bye TJ!

He came here looking for answers and while he doesn’t think he’ll get any from the likes of these people, the chat is like a drug. He can’t look away. He just needs to know.  Even if she doesn’t care anymore and even if he probably shouldn’t care…he still does. And this is all he has left.

*****************************

Tonight!

Join Kelly

From the award winning documentary,

THE OFFICE!

After Tonight’s Episode “The Convention”

CHAT LIVE 9:00 P.M.

Kelly will share all of the office gossip with you!

*****************************

“Pam, you have to be there. I need someone there for support and Ryan has a stupid class tonight. Pleeeese? Pleeeeese?”

“I don’t know, Kelly.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Brian explained it to me and you just log into one of the rooms and you read everything I say.  That way we can talk about it after. Please? I’ll owe you.”

Kelly has been trying to convince her to attend her live chat for the past 4 hours. Her high-pitched baby-voiced whining is starting to get to her. She’s starting to get a migraine and just wants the noise to stop.

“Won’t they know it’s me? I was there last week.”

“Nope!  We made up a different name for you. Nobody will know it’s you.”

“You made up a name for me?”

“Yup. You can be SweaterGirl!” Kelly seems pleased with herself.

“SweaterGirl?”

“Get it? Because you always wear sweaters. Brian said nobody would understand Cardigal.”  Kelly starts to pout when she sees that Pam isn’t instantaneously delighted at the name she’s coined for her.

“Kelly….” She’s about to give a firm and final refusal when a perfect compromise presents itself. “If I go to your chat, will you promise to stop trying to get me to go on a second date with Alan?”

“But you guys are so cuuuuuute!”

“That’s my condition. You said you owe me. If I sit in your chat, you can’t mention him again to me.”

Kelly weighs her options for a second and it’s obvious that her desire for an audience tonight outweighs the possibility of a date in the future.  “Fine. This is going to be so much fun, Pam! What are you going to wear? I think I’m going to wear my new gold top and my push-up bra.”

“Kelly, it’s an Internet chat. Nobody will be able to see you.”

Kelly sighs contemptuously. “Pam, if you look cute, you type cute. How did you manage to get engaged?”

Before she can come up with a reply, Kelly flits off back to her desk.

Pam realizes too late that she’ll have to talk to Kelly again to get the password for the SweaterGirl account.  She’s not looking forward to tonight, but anything’s better than hearing how she and Alan, the Freedom Fries guy, are soul mates.

*********

It turns out that the password for the SweaterGirl account is “bradpitt”. Pam should have guessed.

She grabs her wineglass off of the kitchen counter and settles herself cross legged on her dining room chair in front of her laptop. She wonders how her outfit of yoga pants and a faded green hoodie will make her type this evening.  Dress like a slob, type like a slob? Is that how it works? She ties her hair back into a pony tail and hits the login button, eager to have this over with. She thought about just skipping it, but figures there will be a quiz from Kelly and failure to gush appropriately about how awesome Kelly conducted herself will lead to another uncomfortable date. At least there shouldn’t be anything embarrassing or humiliating for her this evening. She didn’t watch the episode tonight, though from what he said, it seems like Jim had no problem ignoring the injunction that prevents them from tuning in. She knows the cameras were along on her date, though, and she has no desire to relive that failed experiment.

SweaterGirl has entered OfficeChat/Reception

She snickers at the appropriateness of her location and takes a sip of wine. She has no intention of actually typing.

Ryan4Eva:  Kelly. Kelly. Kelly.

Favre4: A little anxious there, Ryan?

Ryan4Eva: I love Kelly and I hope we get lots of juicy details about Ryan. God, that boy is hot.

 Favre4: I don’t know. He seems like kind of a prick.

Ryan4Eva: Whatever.  Hey SweaterGirl. Welcome to Reception.

OfficeFanGa: So, how does this work? Will be able to talk directly to Kelly?

Favre4: Nope, OFG. You will be able to see her answer questions and you can submit a question by using that button at the bottom of your chat window.

OfficeFanGa: Cool. I’ll have to think of something to ask her.

Ryan4Eva: I asked her if Ryan is a good kisser.

IHeartJim: I really don’t care all that much for Kelly. I’m just here in case she says anything interesting about OTHER people in the office…or out of the office.

OfficeFanGa: Kelly’s okay. She’s a little loud, though.

IHeartJim: I think she’s kind of a slut and when Ryan eventually dumps her, she’ll be reaping what she sowed by staying with a guy who is just using her for sex.

Pam takes another sip of her wine and makes a mental note not to mention any of these comments to Kelly tomorrow. She thinks about saying something to defend Kelly and decides not to because a) she really has no defense for Kelly and b) it doesn’t really matter. It’s just a chat room.

Ryan4Eva: I don’t think he’s using her. You guys are just jealous.

Host_Terry: Welcome to tonight’s Live Chat with Kelly from the Office.

Host_Terry: Kelly will be answering your questions in just a few minutes.

 Host_Terry: If you’d like to ask Kelly a question, use the Submit button at the bottom of your Chat Window.

Host_Terry: Let’s all welcome Kelly now!

OfficeFanGa: Hi Kelly

IHeartJim: Hi Kelly

Ryan4Eva: I love you Kelly! You are awesome!

PinkPony: Kelly!!!!

RandomDude: Hey Kelly. Do you like Latin men?

Scrapbook Queen: Hi Kelly!!!

Favre4: You guys realize that she can’t see you, right? We can use this area to talk to each other while Kelly answers questions, but she can’t see what you type.

SamSpade: Hi Kelly

Pam shakes her head and laughs. Was this what was going on during her chat with Jim? Maybe nobody noticed the uncomfortable undercurrent that permeated their conversation. If they were too busy acting like idiots, maybe she doesn’t have to worry any longer. This is quite the cast of characters and she wonders if one glass of wine is going to be enough to get through tonight.

KKapoor_Office: Hey everyone! Hugs! I’m so happy to be here!!!!!!

Host_Terry: We’re happy to have you. Why don’t you tell us a little about what your job is in the office?

KKapoor_Office: Well, I’m Ryan’s girlfriend.

Host_Terry:  And what is your professional responsibility in the office? 

KKapoor_Office:  I handle customer service, but that’s kind of boring. Why don’t we talk about Ryan?

Pam gets up and grabs the wine bottle from the kitchen counter. She’ll definitely need more than one glass.

***********

Host_Terry: We just have time for a couple more questions for Kelly. Here’s one from

Ryan4Eva: What is it that attracted you to Ryan? He seems like he might be difficult to get to know.

Ryan4Eva: OMG! My question! Woot!

KKapoor_Office: OMG! I have an email address that’s Ryan4Eva! Twins! Okay, what do I like about Ryan. He’s hot. He’s a good dresser. He’s adorable when he snores. His hair is really soft…like a baby duck.  He listens to cool music. He kisses really, really well. I mean he does this thing with his tongue

Host_Terry: That’s great, Kelly. How about one more question? 

KKapoor_Office: You don’t want to know more about what I like about Ryan?

Host_Terry: We’re running out of time. How about this one from GailC in Vancouver? What juicy piece of office gossip do you know that nobody else does?

KKapoor_Office: Hmmmmm

KKapoor_Office: Well, I probably shouldn’t say anything because I know she’s reading this chat tonight. Hi Pam!!!!!! Call me after, okay???

Shit.

RandomDude: Pam is here? Wonder where she is? I wonder if she likes Latin men.

KKapoor_Office:  But I think Jim transferring to Stamford and Pam calling off her wedding are related. I’m not sure exactly how, but something weird went on there. They used to be friends and now they don’t even talk. But then I don’t know. If Pam wanted Jim, she would have gone after him and instead she’s practically BEGGING me to fix her up with guys I know. Weird, huh? Anyway, iIf I find anything out, I’ll report back to you guys, okay?

Someone shoot her now.

OfficeFanGa: Okay, which one of you is Pam? LOL.

ScrapbookQueen: Wait. Kelly says they don’t talk? Didn’t Jim say last week that he and Pam talked?

Favre4: I think he just said that they were talking in the chat room. It seemed kind of evasive.

IHeartJim: Yeah. That’s what he said. I think after tonight’s episode, it’s pretty clear that they aren’t talking AT ALL.

Ryan4Eva: Well, can you blame him? She broke his heart.

IHeartJim: I wanted to cry tonight when Jim was talking to Michael about Pam. Heartbreaking!

The words on the screen jolt her out of the rage she’s feeling towards Kelly. Jim talked about her? To Michael? Michael had said nothing to her about this and that’s surprising. Though she knows it’s probably a bad idea, she wants to know more.

SweaterGirl: Hey everyone, I missed tonight’s episode. What exactly did Jim say to Michael about Pam?

Host_Terry: Okay, that’s it from Kelly tonight. Join us next week when we’ll be talking to Jan Levinson. She’ll provide valuable insight into the corporate aspect of the show. Remember, you can use the chat room 24/7 to hang out with other office fans! Thanks Kelly for taking the time out of your busy schedule to talk with us tonight.

KKapoor_Office: No problem. Ryan has class and Grey’s Anatomy is a repeat.

Host_Terry: Night Everyone!

Her eyes scroll through the list of the “Goodbye Kelly!” messages hoping that her question didn’t get lost in the rush at the end of the chat. Thankfully it didn’t.

IHeartJim: Well, Michael was pretty upset thinking that Jim left Scranton because he didn’t like Michael so Jim ended up telling him that he went to Stamford because of what happened with Pam.

SweaterGirl: He said that?

IHeartJim: Yup. Direct quote “I left because of Pam.”  Then he told Michael that he had told Pam how he felt and that she didn’t feel the same way and that he couldn’t stay.

SweaterGirl: Wow. Wait. Michael just accepted that?

IHeartJim: Well, Michael knew all about how Jim felt about Pam.

SweaterGirl: He did?

Images of Hooters t-shirts and kitchen confessions spring into her mind. She remembers Michael knowing about the crush Jim claimed to have had on her but….

Ryan4Eva: Duh! Remember Booze Cruise?

SweaterGirl: I’m kind of a new fan. Sorry.

SweaterGirl has left OfficeChat/Reception

Without fanfare or goodbye she leaves the chat. As she moves slowly to her kitchen to dump out the wine she didn’t drink, she remembers a chilly evening on a boat and the way his face looked in the light that reflected off the water. That far back? It had been going on for that long? What other signals or clues did she miss? What hints were there that wouldn’t have made his confession on Casino Night a complete gut-wrenching surprise? How else has she messed up?

Chapter 5

*****************************

Tonight!

Join Stamford’s Karen and Andy

From the award winning documentary,

THE OFFICE!

After Tonight’s Episode “Grief Counseling”

CHAT LIVE 9:00 P.M.

Learn About Life in Another Dunder Mifflin Branch

*****************************

 SweaterGirl has entered Office_Chat/Reception

Bookworm: Dwight with his recorder was hilarious. Who keeps a recorder handy?

SammyK: Dwight!

Bookworm: Okay, you’ve got me there, Sammy. Hey SweaterGirl.  

ChelliBee has entered Office_Chat/Reception

Pam breathes a sigh of relief as she sees her sister enter the chat room. Being here tonight had been Michele’s idea.  Her older sister, who was actually watching the show, seems obsessed with this Karen person from the Stamford office and wants to collect as much information about her as possible.

ChelliBee: Hey everyone. I’m new here, but I know SweaterGirl. Hey SG! 

SweaterGirl: Hey Chell

Bookworm: Welcome Chelli. Are you a fan of the Office?

ChelliBee: Oh yeah, BW. I feel sometimes as if I know those people like they are my own family.

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: You are horrible.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: You haven’t seen anything yet, Sis. Watch this.

ChelliBee: So, what do you all think about Karen?

HowardDuck: I think she’s hot.

RandomDude: I agree with Howard. She’s very beautiful.

Bookworm: She’s okay, I guess. She’s no Pam, though.

ChelliBee: She seems like kind of a bitch, if you ask me.

ChelliBee Whispers to Sweater Girl:  So, I watched the episode tonight and I think we need to talk. Oh, and nice bird funeral, by the way.

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: There’s nothing to talk about unless you want to discuss my future career in the veterinary mortuary industry.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: Pam, I’m serious. This girl could be trouble.

Host_Terry: Welcome everyone! We’re so glad you are here to chat with Andy and Karen tonight! Hey Andy and Karen. Welcome! 

KFillapelli_Stamford: Thanks Terry. It’s great to be here. I guess I hadn’t realized how big Jim’s little show was. This is pretty cool.

ABernard_Stamford: Salutations, online denizens of office lore. Andrew Bernard at your service.

Bookworm: Man, that Andy guy is weird.

Bobblehead: Really, I think he’s kind of cute.

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: I don’t know what you mean by “trouble” but I really could care less what’s going on in Stamford. I don’t believe I agreed to meet you here.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl:  So, you don’t care that Jim has taken to playing around with this Karen person the way he used to joke around with you?

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: It’s none of my business what Jim does. He’s free to do whatever he wants with whoever he wants.

Host_Terry: Our first question is from Vince in Austin, TX. His question is for Andy and he wants to know if Andy likes to give nicknames to everyone he meets.

Pam skips over the random conversation in the room and the questions from fans for people she doesn’t even know who are now apparently big parts of Jim’s life. She doesn’t want to know. Scratch that. She wants to know, she just wishes it didn’t hurt so much.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: Pam, you forget that I know you. I wish you’d just stop being stubborn and give him a call.

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: I’m not talking about this again, Michele. You know how I feel about that.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: And you know that I think you are wrong. Pam, he told you that he was in love with you.

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: Yeah, and then he moved to a different state. Please, Chell. Just…it’s over. He’s moved on. As you said, his “love” for me hasn’t prevented him from moving on to this new girl. Maybe he just gets attached to people he works with as an excuse not to focus on his job.

A question on the screen catches her eye. Despite her protests to her sister, she’ll take any information that comes her way.

Host_Terry: That was a hilarious story, Andy! Next question:  S. Mogenstern  in Tulsa asks, “Do you guys have a lot of contact with the Scranton branch? Do you know Jim’s former co-workers?” 

ABernard_Stamford: Well, we hear about their boss, Mike Scott, when Josh has to put us through some training because of something he messed up.

KFillapelli_Stamford: I know Stanley Hudson. We’re the reps for different branches of the same company and sometimes we have to coordinate sales. Other than that, though, we don’t know much. Jim hasn’t really mentioned anyone he used to work with. It’s like he’s trying to put that chapter of his life behind him for some reason. Their loss is our gain.

ABernard_Stamford: Maybe Tuna killed someone.        

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee:  See. He’s putting us behind him.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: What am I going to do with you, Pam? I wish you’d watch the show. You should see him when they ask him about you. He’s hurt and he’s wounded and you could make him all better.

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: Well, I’m trying to fix myself. I can’t be responsible for him. Can we please just leave this alone? I never should have come here tonight.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: Look, I’m sorry, okay? I’m just trying to look out for you.

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: I know. Do you think if I got a different job, the cameras would leave me alone? I just want to get past all of this, Chell.

RandomDude Whispers to SweaterGirl: Do you like Latin men? 

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: Gross, some guy is trying to hit on me.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: You said you were trying to move on.

RandomDude Whispers to SweaterGirl: Hello? Are you there?

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: You are lucky I’m not there or you’d have a bruise on your arm.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: Is it that RandomDude guy? He’s hitting on me too. Maybe he’s not Mr. MoveOn for you.

Pam ignores the playful banter and pick-up lines from Random Dude one more time as something about Jim crosses her screen.

Host_Terry: One final question tonight from ChelliBee. This is for Karen, but Andy, if you want to answer too, that would be cool. “What do you think of Jim Halpert?”

ABernard_Stamford: As I think I told the cameras, Tuna is super ambitious and one to be reckoned with. I also don’t think he can sing.

KFillapelli_Stamford: He seems pretty nice. We’ve been getting to know each other and he’s a lot of fun. I’d like to get to know him better.

Host_Terry: Oooh, is that a spoiler for upcoming episodes, Karen? 

KFillapelli_Stamford: Please, Terry. I don’t kiss and tell.

Her stomach plunges and her palms sweat. She tries to convince herself that she can’t be jealous of someone she doesn’t know over someone that she rejected. Nothing makes sense…at all.

Host_Terry: And with that, ladies and gentleman, we’ll conclude another evening of Live Office Chat. We’re in the process of getting more fabulous guests lined up for you so stay tuned. Thanks Andy and Karen for an interesting and titillating evening.

KFillapelli_Stamford: Thanks Terry! Bye everyone!

ABernard_Stamford: I hope I was the part that titillated you! Night! 

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: I hate you.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: I’m not going to say I told you so, but….

RandomDude Whispers to SweaterGirl: I am a sexy Latin man. I want to get to know you.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: Crap. Evan is here and he has Chinese food. Are you going to be okay if I leave you and promise to call you later?

SweaterGirl Whispers to ChelliBee: Go. Say hi to Evan for me.

ChelliBee Whispers to SweaterGirl: I love you, Pam. Nite!

ChelliBee has left Office_Chat/Reception

Pam thinks about hitting the disconnect button, but as much as it hurts and as much as it makes her a liar, she does want to know what’s going on with this Karen person. She pulls up another browser window and logs onto the network site for their show. She hasn’t looked at it since it was introduced to them in a staff meeting shortly after the cameras arrived.

It’s glitzier now and her face and Jim’s face are front and center. She wonders if the network will pay for the therapy it will require getting over being made a poster-child for romantic humiliation. She notices that they have a message board and one of the categories is Jim and Pam. She makes a mental note to avoid that at all costs.

As she looks around the site for some kind of clue, she notices the episode description for tonight. It mentions Ed Truck and the bird funeral, but there is also mention of a quest for chips and sharing office hi-jinks. She feels ill.

She finally finds a link to “Meet the Stamford Crew” and clicks on it. As the images load, she regrets her decision. She’s looking at a silky-haired, mocha skinned goddess.  She immediately clicks off the browser window, not wanting to have the image burned into her brain any longer than it already has. There’s no way she could ever compete with that…with her.

She takes deep breaths and reminds herself that she isn’t competing. Jim has made his choice. It can’t be a contest if she took herself out of the running.

RandomDude Whispers to SweaterGirl: Are you pretty?

She makes a disgusted noise in the back of her throat, types a terse message and exits the room.

SweaterGirl Whispers to RandomDude: I’m a lesbian, leave me alone.

SweaterGirl has left Office_Chat/Reception

SweaterGirl has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

MrsHalpert: So, TJ, we’ve missed you. Where have you been?

TeamJim: Just busy. Sad to say, but I couldn’t stay away, though. Gotta keep up with what’s happening on the Office.

KevIzCool: It’s like a drug, isn’t it? So what are you guys thinking about Karen? Have you changed your mind?

ICanJim: Still a bitch.

FlonkerTed: How did I know you’d say that, Cindy?

She’s fascinated by the camaraderie going on in this room. These people seem to know each other. They’ve formed a tight-knit little community in the chaos that is a giant chat room. She likes it. Plus, she’s relieved to see that RandomDude hasn’t followed her here.

PamPong: Hey SweaterGirl. Welcome to The Annex. Are you new? 

SweaterGirl: I guess I am.

PamPong: Hear that TeamJim? You are no longer the newbie.

TeamJim: Um…that’s great, I guess. Welcome SweaterGirl.

SweaterGirl: Thanks. Just hanging out. Nothing serious.

PamPong: Why don’t you tell us why you like this show? Topic of discussion tonight is Karen: Bitch or Jim’s future love?

It is like they said. It is a drug and she wants to know more. She types something about working in a place that’s similar to the setting of the documentary, but the whole time, Karen’s typed words keep flashing in front of her eyes.

Their loss is our gain.

It sure does seem that way.

f

He can’t stay away.

He tried and managed to avoid logging in to the office chat room for almost a week. He focused on making relationships with the people who he worked with now…not just the electronic shadows of former friends projected on his television screen.

He tried and failed. Thursday, after the show, he logged in, not to watch Karen and Andy answer inane questions, but to hang out with the people in the Annex and get their take on what was going on in his life. He felt a sense of regret for not being there to help Pam deal with Michael’s realization that everyone dies.

He wants to know what others think. He’s beginning to believe that everyone should have access to a chat room of people who comment on your choices.

It’s like having your own, personal Greek chorus. He respects the opinions of FlonkerTed and MrsHalpert the most (though he shudders at the name each time he sees it). KevIzCool and PamPong are fun and make interesting points. ICanJim serves as the devil on his shoulder, pointing out every weakness. The other people keep things light and lively and lord knows he could use a little more light in his life these days. The new girl seems nice too. She’s shown up a few times over the weekend, but he hasn’t really done more than exchange a few pleasantries with her.

It’s Monday now. He enters his empty apartment, but it doesn’t seem so lonely tonight. Her voice…her laugh…her smile are still in his ear following his 78 minute long phone call (yes, he checked the time).  It had started awkwardly and unsure (and truth be told, ended that way as well) but it was amazing that they had found their unique rhythm again…that combination of teasing and sarcasm and admiration that was theirs and theirs alone.

He throws his bag down on his recliner and paces around the room. He’s got so much energy. He paces some more. He leans against his breakfast bar. He paces again. He needs to talk to someone about this, but who would understand? He checks the clock and groans as he realizes it’s the middle of the night where his brother is stationed. Sometimes he wishes that David could get a job at a local news station instead of working at ABC’s international headquarters.

He knows he’s going to crash from this high eventually and he needs somewhere to fall.

He needs someone to tell him that he was right to walk away and that what happened on the phone tonight isn’t real. He needs someone to encourage him to keep moving on.

His eyes land on his laptop. He knows that he can’t talk to people there about what happened. They won’t see it for another week…if it makes the documentary cut at all. But maybe he can talk in hypotheticals and what ifs.  He can “speculate” about upcoming episodes can’t he? That’s what people do on those message boards he’s heard about. He tells himself that he’ll be careful as he enters his user name and password.

=====

“Brian, I didn’t realize you were still here.” she gasps after startling at the site of him in the doorway, camera slung over his shoulders. She’s been sitting behind her desk for the last 15 minutes, replaying every word, every tone, every laugh of her telephone call.

“I’m here until everyone leaves. Especially during momentous occasions.” He smiles and walks toward her as he hands her her coat.

“What are you talking about?”

“C’mon Pam. I was here, you know. And besides, you’re still smiling.”

“Well, it’s nice to talk with an old friend, right?” She knows Brian isn’t buying her bull and she can feel her excitement all over her face. Despite the fact that Jim seemed eager to end the call (after 82 minutes…she checked!) this has been a good thing. She realizes how much she misses him…how empty the office is without his laugh.

“Yeah, okay, Pam. Whatever.”

She playfully swats him on his sleeve and decides to take a risk and ask a live person in a position to know something what’s going on.

“So, Brian. Do you know what’s going on in Stamford? I mean, I know I’m not supposed to know, but my sister, you remember Michele, right? She told me about this Karen person and I was just wondering is she and…” She can’t bring herself to finish her question.

“You’d have to ask Sammy. I don’t really see their rough cuts, but even if I knew anything, Pam. I couldn’t tell you.”

“I know, it’s just…” She decides to be honest. “I miss him.”

“Pam, I hope you know that what I’m going to say is coming from the part of me that’s your friend and not from someone who is gunning for ratings, but why don’t you tell him that? I mean, unless you guys have hidden something from us, you haven’t even ever talked to him about what happened.”

She thinks for a second and admits to herself that he’s being perfectly reasonable.  “I know. It’s just that whenever I get the courage up, part of me reminds me that he’s moved on. He’s chosen a different life and I know that I had my chance and I blew it. He deserves to be happy.”

“And what if you are what makes him happy?”

She shakes her head vigorously. “Maybe I used to be, Brian, but not anymore.”

They stand in silence in front of the elevators for a few seconds. She’s trying not to cry.

“Tonight wasn’t real, was it? He got trapped talking to me on the phone and he’s a nice guy and….” She’s thankful this is Brian here tonight. Any other camera crew member would have whipped on their camera by now to catch her with tears in her eyes and doubt in her voice.

“Hey...” His voice is warm and gentle. “Do you want to go get a drink or something? I mean, just to unwind?”

She looks up at him and tries to decide if what she sees in his eyes is pity or something more.

“That be great, it’s just…I’m meeting some friends tonight. Maybe some other time?” She means it. She needs more friends in her life and having one that knows all of her secrets is something she can’t pass up. She places her hand on his arm in a gesture of gratitude.

As he nods and agrees, she realizes that it’s not just pity she sees in his eyes.

======

TeamJim: I’m serious, ICanJim. I don’t think Jim and Pam have seen or heard the last of each other.

ICanJim: I’ll be proven right. Karen will be his rebound and then I can step in and mend his broken heart.

FlonkerTed: Cindy…is it possible for you to talk about anything else?  

ICanJim: Nope.

FlonkerTed: I’m interested in your reasoning, TJ. Why do you think that? 

SweaterGirl has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

TeamJim: I think it’s common sense, Ted. As long as they work in the same company there’s a chance that they could come in contact with each other. Hey SweaterGirl.

FlonkerTed: Hola, SG.

SweaterGirl: Hey everyone. Small crowd here tonight.

FlonkerTed: It’s a Monday

SweaterGirl: True. What’s up? I just got home from work.

ICanJim: Late night?

SweaterGirl: Something like that.

TeamJim: I’m trying to convince everyone here (okay, just Ted and Cindy) that it’s possible that Jim and Pam will have some sort of contact with each other.

FlonkerTed: Don’t you think Jim would try to avoid that?

PamPong has entered OfficeChat/The Annex

PamPong: Someone remind me why I thought it was a good idea to have twins?

SweaterGirl: I don’t think it was your choice, PP. Good to see you again.

TeamJim: Hey PP. Maybe it happens by accident. That sounds reasonable, right?

He’s doing his best to sound like he’s just speculating. He knows that he can be “right” sometimes, but if he’s going to become a regular here, he can’t seem to have an inside line to what’s going on in the office.

SweaterGirl: I think that sounds perfectly reasonable. I mean, she’s the receptionist. Maybe Jim calls trying to reach someone else…like Oscar or something and has to talk to Pam.

FlonkerTed: Okay, I can buy that scenario. Do you think it would have any lasting effects if they did speak to one another?

TeamJim: I think that would depend on Pam.

SweaterGirl: I think that would depend on Jim.

ICanJim: Whoa…you two are like mind twins. Jinx!

She does her best to ignore ICanJim and her mention of Jinx. Some memories are still too painful. Being in this chatroom is painful, but it’s a good kind of a pain. Like picking a scab on your knee so that the joint can move free again. She needs to know. She needs to understand. So she keeps on typing.

SweaterGirl: LOL! So, let’s say Jim and Pam accidentally get in touch with each other, what do you think would happen, TJ? Would they argue?

TeamJim: I really don’t think so. I think that they both probably don’t want to talk about their “issues” so they’d cover it up really good by making small talk…joking around…acting like the friends they used to be.

FlonkerTed: Makes sense.

ICanJim: What, no phone sex?

PamPong: Cindy, aren’t you up past your bedtime?

ICanJim: My bedtime is Jim’s bedtime. Hee.

FlonkerTed: I guess what we’d never see on camera, though…assuming your scenario were actually to happen, is what they would be thinking while they were talking.

TeamJim: True, Ted. But it’s fun to speculate, isn’t it?

PamPong: So, TJ…what would Jim be thinking?

It’s easier to type these things to these people than admitting them to himself. Getting it out of his head is like therapy for him.

TeamJim: Well, since you asked. IF they were to talk and IF they reverted to friendly banter, I think he’d be happy about it at first, but I think that the more he thought about it, the more he’d believe that her friendly tone was an indication that there really was nothing more than that between them. That he had “misinterpreted” what there was between them. What do you think, Ted? You are a guy too.

FlonkerTed: Our boy Jim is a pretty fucked up kid, so I’d be willing to go with that. So, what about Pam? SweaterGirl? PamPong?

PamPong: I think she’d be over the moon to talk to him again. I bet she wouldn’t leave it at that. She’d want to tell him what’s going on with her. I think she looks (or looked) to Jim a lot for approval.

Was she always that obvious? How do these strangers know her mind? The editors and directors must be masters at their craft!

SweaterGirl: I think you’re partially true, PP, but I think Pam would stick to surface stuff. She wouldn’t want to reveal too much of what she’s thinking. I really believe that the fact that Jim left after his confession has convinced her that he’s moved on and doesn’t want anything to do with her any longer. Especially since he never got in touch with her after she called off her wedding.

TeamJim: Wait a second there, SG. She could have called him or sent him an announcement or something.

SweaterGirl: I guess she could have, but he was the one who left.

TeamJim: Well, she was the one who pushed him away.

FlonkerTed: Whoa there kids. Settle. Man, this show sure enflames passions, doesn’t it?

PamPong: It sure does. Speaking of flames, where do you think that Andy guy buys his hideous clothing?

She gets quiet in the room and wonders just who in the hell this TeamJim guy thinks he is. How dare he say those things to her! She remembers then, that he’s just a fan of a television show. He’s not personally invested in all of this. He has no emotional attachment and she needs to act as if that’s the case with her too.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Hey, sorry for getting a little heated there before.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Hey, it’s no problem. Makes things interesting,  right?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Oh yeah. Totally. So, have you been coming here long?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Since a little after the premiere. You? 

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: The same. It’s kind of fun here, right? 

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl:  Yeah. So, SweaterGirl. Explain your name to me.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Isn’t it obvious? I wear sweaters.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: And that’s the most interesting thing about you?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Apparently. A friend picked it out for me. I shot down Cardigal as her other option.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: LOL. That sounds like a comic book or something: SweaterGirl and her trusty sidekick Cardigal!

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Taking on cool evenings and bare shoulders for the good of humanity, right?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: LOL.  So, what are their secret crime fighting weapons?

SweaterGirl Whsipers to TeamJim: Needles, of course.

TeamJim: You mean LASER needles, right?

It’s easy talking to her and gives up trying to make sense of the show and his life and just falls into a silly banter with this stranger…who is probably a pimple-faced 15 year old boy in Duluth or something. He pays a little attention to the people in the main room and before he knows it, the clock is inching toward midnight and the rest of the regulars have left. He and SweaterGirl talk about things like the proper consistency of pasta, the relative worth of the Lone Ranger versus Tonto, boy bands and Velcro fasteners on shoes. Talking to this stranger just makes him remember how much he misses Pam and that maybe, someone else can fill the void she left in him. Maybe.

TeamJim: I think we can talk out in the open now. Everyone is gone.

SweaterGirl: Oh man. I didn’t realize. Wow. It’s late.

TeamJim: And we both have work in the morning. We should call it a night.

SweaterGirl: Yeah. This has been fun, though. I was feeling a little down tonight and this helped…so thanks.

TeamJim: No problem.

SweaterGirl: Hey, before we go, can you tell me your real name? I mean we know Ted and Cindy and Mary. I feel weird calling you TeamJim.

He remembers what he told himself when he first started logging in to these rooms: keep things as close to the truth as you can, without giving anything away.

TeamJim: Um…my name is Jim.

SweaterGirl: Really?

TeamJim: It’s not an uncommon name.

SweaterGirl: No, you’re right. It isn’t.

TeamJim: So, are you going to share the secret identity of SweaterGirl with me? It’s only fair.

SweaterGirl: Why don’t you just call me Pam?

TeamJim: That works.

SweaterGirl: Yeah.

TeamJim: So, goodnight, Pam.

SweaterGirl: Goodnight, Jim

TeamJim has left Office_Chat/TheAnnex

SweaterGirl has left Office_Chat/TheAnnex

When they shut the lids of their laptops and turn out their lights, both of them are smiling.

************************************
TONIGHT!
Join Toby
From
The Award Winning Documentary
THE OFFICE
for a
LIVE CHAT
9:00 PM After Tonight’s Episode “Diwali”
Toby will answer your questions LIVE!!!

************************************

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Oh my God, Jim. I can’t believe I didn’t think of this sooner. You are JIM!

His fingers lock up and his eyes blur. He blushes, though there is nobody else in his room to see his face turn red. His heart beats and his intestines twist. How could she have found out? What are the implications of this? Can he still deny it? Will the network do something horrible to him? Or to her?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Excuse me?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: What we were just talking about. We need to do something to get ICanJim to shut up. We have to make her believe that you are really JIM. It’s perfect.

They’ve been chatting together for over a week now…not every night, but enough to make a it a thing and they’ve come up with their own shorthand…their own language. He is “Jim”. She is “Pam.”  The guy on the T.V. show is “JIM” and the girl JIM used to work with is “PAM”. It helps stop some of the confusion. Not all. Because if he stopped to think about the fact that he really is JIM pretending to be Jim who Pam (not PAM) wants to  pretend to be JIM, his head could explode.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Oh! Is that nice, though? She’s just a kid.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Jim, she’s annoying and according to both her network profile and her MySpace page, she’s in her late 30s.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: You’re kidding me. She acts like a hormonal teen! I’m not going to even go near the fact that you’ve apparently been stalking her in cyber-space.

He’s at least relieved to know that the sexual fantasies he’s had to read in the chat room are not from someone who could get him in trouble on Dateline, but rather from a Mrs. Robinson type. It still makes him slightly ill.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: It’s inappropriate the way she acts. Imagine if JIM could see all of the things she says about him?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Maybe he’d be flattered.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Ugh. You men are all alike.

He’s found that whenever conversation turns toward JIM and this online community, it’s best to make a joke or deflect the comment. He doesn’t want anyone to even think that JIM could be here. He doesn’t even want to think about what could happen if he was discovered.

SweaterGirl Whsipers to TeamJim: We’ll talk about our diabolical plan later. I think people are going to start filtering in soon. The show is almost over.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Deal. So, what did you think of the show tonight?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: It was good. Funny. Kelly’s party sure was crazy. And Michael…

FlonkerTed Has Entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

FlonkerTed: Hey, look who’s here. Hey kids

SweaterGirl: Hey Ted!

TeamJim: What’s up, Ted?

FlonkerTed: Just got done watching the show.

TeamJim: Yeah. We were both kind of watching and chatting at the same time and were talking about how weird Michael was.

He hadn’t watched tonight. He knew he’d look like a drunken idiot and he couldn’t bear to see that. He TiVo’d it, though, so he could fast-forward later to see what Pam was up to. He’s just as pathetic as he was back when he longed for her when she was engaged to Roy. He analyzes her every move and looks for a sign that something is still there. He hasn’t seen anything yet…he can’t see it. He needs to pretend, though, that he’s aware of everything that has gone on. Why be in a fan chat room if you aren’t watching the show? He knows enough about what the cameras saw to fake his way through the discussion of what JIM did. He’s decided that if he slips and mentions something that wasn’t broadcast, he’ll claim he saw a deleted scene “somewhere online” and can’t remember where. Perfect plan.

PamPong has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

KevIzCool has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

FlonkerTed: I think we’ll have a lot to talk about tonight! Can you believe that Michael proposed to Carole? Well, of course I can!

ICanJim has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

ICanJim: Hey everyone! I call dibs on drunken Jim! Man, was he hot tonight or what?

TobyRox has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: I lied. I don’t want to wait to plan something to get back at her. What tact should we have our fake JIM take with her? Is he angry? Interested?

He’s glad he’s not drinking now…and not just because that’s apparently how Cindy likes her men. Pam has just mentioned that they will have a fake, real JIM, so for him that’s fake,real Jim being JIM being fake being real…Okay, maybe he does need a drink.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Disgusted. Definitely disgusted.

TobyRox: Has Toby started answering questions yet?

PamPong: Not yet, Toby. Pretty soon, I’m sure. Hang in there.

PamPong: And TJ…as our resident Jim expert, we’re going to want to know what you think happened after Jim got in Karen’s car AND why you think Jim didn’t respond to Pam’s text message.

TeamJim: Will there be a test later?

SweaterGirl: An essay test, TJ. Hee.

TeamJim: How did I get picked as the resident Jim expert?

FlonkerTed: Have you forgotten how you predicted what happened in the Initiation almost to the last detail? SweaterGirl, you were pretty right about that episode too. You young kids have insight, I guess, that I just don’t have.

SweaterGirl: Maybe we’re secretly Jim and Pam.J/K!

TeamJim: Well, from listening to you ladies talk, if I really were Jim, I wouldn’t be alone in my apartment tonight.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: You’re going to have to set up a fake email account. JHalpert@gmail.com or something like that.

He doesn’t mention that he’s already the proud owner of that particular account. Has been for over a year.

TeamJim: I’ll work on that. You are devious.

Host_Terry: Hey OfficeHeads! Are you ready for Toby tonight? You guys are in for a real treat, let me tell you. Why don’t you all say  hi to Mr. Toby Flenderson

TobyRox: Hi, Toby! I love you!!!!!

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Yes, I am devious. Since Toby chat is starting, why don’t we agree that you’ll get the e-mail account set up and we’ll work on a note tomorrow night. Will that work?

TeamJim: Oh, tomorrow? I kind of have a thing tomorrow night.

Talking with her…talking with Pam has taken his mind off of the rumors and uncertainty at work. A branch is going to be closing. They might find out tomorrow. These people here in the chat room have no idea what kind of plot twist their little show is about to take. Too bad he has no idea of what will happen to him either. He and Karen (and probably Andy and Martin too) have agreed to meet for a drink to process everything. In a way, he wishes he could be here with her…with Pam. Talking with her (he doesn’t let himself imagine the possibility that in reality she could be a man) online has helped him work through some of his issues with PAM…has made him see that there are other funny, sweet, smart women out there. He just needs to try to find a way locate one in his real life.

TFlenderson_Office: Hi Everyone! Nice to be here.

Host_Terry: Are you ready for some questions, Toby?

TFlenderson_Office: Okay

Host_Terry: Well, then…here we go! This is from Martina in Nashville. “Toby, how is Sasha? She’s adorable!”

TFlenderson_Office: Thanks, Martina. Sasha is great. She’s a lot more talkative now than when she was on the show. She loves puppies and Transformers and loves to put things down the garbage disposal. I don’t get to see her as often as I’d like, but she’s a huge part of my life.

Host_Terry: Sounds like you have your hands full! Here’s a question from Greg in Santa Monica: “Toby, can you please explain why Michael Scott hasn’t been fired yet? He’s a horrible manager.

”TFlenderson_Office: Well, Greg. Company confidentiality prohibit me from talking about the files of any employee of Dunder Mifflin, but if we were to talk theoretically, about a made-up manager...

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Oh, that’s cool. Maybe sometime this weekend.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Definitely. I wouldn’t miss it.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim Hey, can I ask you something kind of personal?

His eye filters out Toby’s meandering hypothetical answers and the random comments from people in the room.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Sure.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: You seem like a great guy. You’re funny and smart. You’re always in here, though….

TeamJim Whispers to Sweatergirl: Are you asking me if I’m a complete loser?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: No. Not at all. Because in that case, I’d be a loser too.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Pam, you are not a loser.

weaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Thanks. It’s just, I was wonder what your story was. Why you’re alone…like me.

He thinks for a second. It would be so easy to tell her the truth and he really thinks she’d understand. It’s hard hiding behind the wall that he has to put up because of this damn television show. He falls back on his plan to stick as close to the truth as he can.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Well, I guess you could say that I’m mending a broken heart. I've been trying to move on, but it's hard and confusing.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: I’m sorry.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Not your fault. You have nothing to apologize for.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: I’m just sorry you have to feel that way. I guess I’m suffering from the same thing. I lost someone I really care about and it’s too late to get him back. So, I’m trying to deal with that and it’s tough. Some days you wonder if you should try again and other days, the anger and hurt make you wish you'd never met them.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Are you sure it's too late?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Yeah, I’m pretty sure.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Well, then it’s his loss. You are terrific. I mean that.

SweaterGirl Whsipers to TeamJim: Thanks. Same goes to you.

Something on the screen catches his eye then. It’s difficult to keep up with everything while engaging in an extremely personal conversation with someone he barely knows. He just can’t figure out why it feels like he’s known her forever. The Internet is a weird place.

FlonkerTed: Earth to TJ and Sweater. Hello!

ICanJim: They’re probably having cyber-sex in private message.

TeamJim: Jealous, Cindy?

ICanJim: Only if you are really Jim Halpert.

TeamJim: Well, what if I was? You never know. I could be.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: You rock! Perfect! That was awesome.

ICanJim: Please. Jim isn’t a big loser who has to pick up women in chat rooms.

Oh Cindy. If only you knew.

Host_Terry: Time for one more question for Toby. This is from TobyRox in Naperville, IL. “Toby, you should get over your fear and just ask Pam out. We all know how much you like her. What’s stopping you?”

Toby. Likes Pam? He never would have guessed. There must have been something the cameras caught because this viewer speaks as if she’s got evidence.

TFlenderson_Office: Well, Office romances and kind of inappropriate and I know Pam is getting over her broken engagement. We’re just friends. That’s all.

Host_Terry: Okay! That wraps up this week and I have to tell you guys. You will want to be here next week. There is some interesting stuff happening in Dunder Mifflin land! Tune in and come to chat. Goodnight!

TFlenderson_Office: Nite!

TobyRox: Cool! They asked him my question. I think Toby and Pam would be so sweet together.

TeamJim: Ted…is there something you wanted? Sorry. I lost track of the chatroom.

SweaterGirl: I don't think Toby is Pam's type.

TeamJim: Me either.

FlonkerTed: Oh yeah. I was just wondering why you thought Jim avoided Pam’s text message.

SweaterGirl: I don’t think he did.

PamPong: What? We never saw him text her back.

SweaterGirl: The cameras aren’t there all the time. Maybe she got a text late at night or something.Or I could be totally wrong, but I have faith in the kind of person JIM is.

He chuckles because their shorthand has made its way into the regular chat room. He wants to tell her that she’s right. He wants her to know that JIM's not a total asshole. He wants to let her know that at 2 am, unable to sleep, JIM had sent PAM a text back…laughing at Michael and saying he’s sorry he missed the party. But he can’t. Because the only two people who know that are JIM and PAM and he's only Jim.

TeamJim: Yeah. He could have sent her a text. They had just talked on the phone. The ice was partially melted.

SweaterGirl: Thanks, TJ! I’m glad someone will back me up.

FlonkerTed: I wonder what Terry meant when she said big things were happening next week.PamPong: I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

TeamJim: Sounds ominous!

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Don’t tell anyone, but I know someone who knows someone who works in the same building in Scranton and there are rumors flying around that a branch may be closing and it could be Scranton.

God, it’s a small world.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Wow. That will be interesting. I hope that if that happens PAM will be okay.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: I think she would be. I think she’s stronger now than she was before.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: I think you are right about her.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Did you know we’ve been sitting here four hours?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Wow. Time flies…

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: This has been fun, but I need sleep.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: It’s always a pleasure. Thanks. For everything.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Can I contact you and figure out a time to meet this weekend to talk about our devious plan? I don’t think I’ve seen you here on the weekend before.He thinks quickly.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Why don’t you contact me at JHalpert@gmail.com? I got that set up while Toby was talking.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Perfect! Goodnight Jim.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Goodnight, Pam.

They both log out without saying goodbye to the people still in the room. It’s as if nobody else exists.  

 From: JHalpert@gmail.com
To: SweaterGirl@gmail.com
Date: November 5, 2006
Subject: Yes, Dear Cindy, There really is a Jim Halpert 

Hey, Pam. I hope you are well. It seems weird to be writing to you via email instead of chatting with you. I wanted to send you a copy of what I sent to our pal ICanJim. It’s based largely on our conversation from yesterday afternoon. Let me know what you think of it.  I put in that part we talked about proving to her that it really is JIM. Let’s just hope that JIM does something with his eyebrows in the next episode. He’s pretty predictable, so we should be golden.

Cindy—My name is Jim Halpert. Yes, that Jim Halpert. It has come to my attention that you claim to be my biggest fan. While I appreciate your loyalty to the documentary about my place of employment, I’m a bit freaked out by the way you’ve been talking about me. I have visited the chat room you frequent using an assumed name and was a bit put off (that’s putting it mildly) by the way you talked about me. Could you please remember that I am a real person and that I am not an object or a piece of meat? I don’t find such kind of talk to be attractive or becoming in a young woman. To prove to you that this is really me, I will make a point of waggling my eyebrows into the camera in one of the next few episodes of my show.

Thanks!

Jim Halpert.

I also put that CC line to that law firm in Scranton that you found. Let’s hope that makes her calm down a little and put her hormones in check. You were a genius to think this all out.

I should probably tell you that I might not be able to make it to chat for a while. I’m moving. It’s just across town, but I’ll be switching Internet service providers and I don’t know when I’ll be back up and running. I’ll have e-mail at work, though, so I’ll be in touch. I’d hate to have you think that I forgot about you.

Take care.

Jim

=====

Hey, Jim. That was perfect. I think you sounded professional without being mean, just like I’d imagine how JIM would handle the situation. I don’t know why she bothers me so much. It’s just gross, you know?

Anyway, congrats on the move. Is this something you’ve been planning? I know how stressful a move can be even if it’s just across town. I did that myself a few months ago and until I was settled, it kind of sucked. It was the first time I had been on my own in a while and that took some getting used to. I think you just don’t realize how much you depend on people for little things…dealing with spiders, unclogging a garbage disposal, changing the oil in the car. Stuff like that. BTW, I am an expert at all of those if you need those things taken care of in your new place. Oh, and I can stop a toilet from running! I’m a regular Renaissance woman.

Anyway, take care and write when you can. I think I’m going to miss you a little until you get back.

Pam.

=====

From: JHalpert@gmail.com
To: SweaterGirl@gmail.com
Date: November 7, 2006
Subject: My New Digs

Maybe the reason that you are so bothered by ICanJim’s sexy talk is that you have a little crush on JIM yourself. Come on, you can admit it to me, I won’t tell him your secret even though I do have JIM’s email address. Confess, Pam.

I’m just teasing.

Anyway, my move was kind of centered around my job. My lease was up and I’m moving up in my company. I don’t know if I told you this, but I manage all of the Subway restaurants in my area. I’m going to be based in a different part of town now, so I decided to just move. Real exciting, right? I can get you a deal on a BMT combo, though, if you are ever in New Hampshire…

Maybe when I’m back in chat you can tell me about the changes that it seems that you’ve made in your life. You sound strong and brave. And maybe you can give me some toilet repair tips. Anyway, my work day is almost over, so I should be going.

Talk to you soon.

Jim

====

From: JHalpert@gmail.com
To: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.biz
Date: November 7, 2006
Subject: Lies I’ve told Pam

1.   I manage all of the Subway restaurants in a region in New Hampshire. If asked, I will admit that it is the Manchester area and hope that she isn’t from there. Remember to check out Subway corporate page and memorize menu items. Insert joke about Jared at some point. Try not to loathe myself for making all of this crap up.

2.      I am moving only “across town” not from Stamford to Scranton.

3.       My lease on my apartment was up.

4.       I am not the real Jim Halpert

====

From: Terry_Ludlum@realityproductions.com
To: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.biz;PBeesly@DunderMifflin.biz
Date: November 9, 2006
Subject: Upcoming promotions

Hello Jim and Pam. I wanted to touch base with you about our schedule next week. Since the merger is such an interesting event for our audience, we’re having a very quick turn-around on our production schedule. As you know, the Stamford people will be returning to Scranton on November 16th. Right in the middle of sweeps, can you imagine? Anyway, we’re going to very quickly edit and get that footage ready to air on that Thursday…November 19th so that we can have that in before Thanksgiving. Both of you are expected to participate in a chat that evening. This will be a big event and we’ll be promoting it during the broadcast. We appreciate your cooperation and at the same time, remind you of your contracts. I’ll actually be in Scranton to facilitate the chat so it will be great to finally meet both of you.

Thanks! E-mail me any questions or talk to your crew contact if you need specifics.

Terry

====

From: SweaterGirl@gmail.com
To: JHalpert@gmail.com
Date: November 10, 2006
Subject: You’ve found me out. 

You’ve hit on my secret. I do have a massive crush on JIM! You should see the things I write in my journal and the shrine I've built in my closet. They’d make ICanJim blush. Do I need to tell you I’m kidding?

Don’t hate me. I kind of prefer Quizno’s. Their salads are more than just their sub fixings dumped in a bowl. Maybe you can take my criticisms to that Jared guy (he does run the company, right?) and you’ll get a massive promotion and I’ll be famous and wow…I’m getting ahead of myself. A girl can dream, right?

So, let me ask you. Did you always want to manage a chain of sandwich shops? I’m not being glib. It’s just that I have a pretty run-of-the-mill existence…kind of like PAM and it’s nothing like I’d ever thought I’d be. You know, no little girl dreams of one day answering phones at a doctor’s office and I was just wondering if you are happy with the life you have. I used to think that what I had would be enough, but I discovered that I was relying on other people to brighten my day and make me forget about the dreariness of working 9-to-5.

I’ve recently started taking some college courses, but I still have my doubts. I wonder if this…what I’m doing now is what I’ll be doing forever.

Sorry to get so personal and so deep with you.

Pam

=====

From: JHalpert@gmail.com
To: SweaterGirl@gmail.com
Date: November 11, 2006
Subject: Just a young boy and a hunk of bologna

That’s how it all started.

Actually, I sort of fell into this job after college.  It was nothing I was expecting and certainly not where I thought I’d be. I will tell you that I like interacting with people and I think I have natural leadership qualities, but I don’t want to be doing this forever.

The problem is that I have no clue what I could do instead.

I’m a little worried because some of the restaurants that I’ll be overseeing have people in them that I used to work with when I was starting out and I’m nervous about working with them again…and as their regional manager. I think it will be okay, though. At least I hope it is. I’m getting to take a part of my team from the old shop I managed with me, so it will be nice having something familiar around me. It will make it easier to face my past. I make working at Subway sound like a soap opera, don’t I?

Here’s my word of wisdom for today. Never sign a contract without envisioning all of the ways that you’ll one day want to break it. Being tied to someone legally sucks (has to do with my old landlord).

BFN

Jim

====

From: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.biz
To: Terry_Ludlum@realityproductions.com
CC: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.biz
Date: November 11, 2006
Subject: RE: Upcoming promotions

Terry—

How great that awkward situations in our personal lives are lining up so nicely for your ratings. As previously discussed, I will be there because of the contract, but I will not like it. I also am stating for the record that if any inappropriate questions are posed publically either to myself or to Pam, I will leave the chat. I will help promote the show, more for Michael than for you, but I will not reveal things about my personal life to internet strangers. I am CCing this note to Pam in the hopes that she will act similarily.

Thank you,

J. Halpert

====

From: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.biz
To: MicheleBeesly@usc.edu
Date: November 12, 2006
Subject: FWD:Upcoming Promotions

Chell—

This is the email I told you about in the phone message I left. So coming back to Scranton is “awkward” for him? God, the nerve of the guy. And it’s like he’s telling me how to act in the chat. I don’t think I can do this. I should just quit and come out and live with you. God, my life sucks. The only good thing about it is that damn chat room you forced me to interact in.

Call me or email me, okay?

====

From: MicheleBeesly@usdc.edu
To: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.biz
Date: November 13, 2006
Subject: RE: FWD: Upcoming Promotions

Pam. I’m replying on phone. Stuck in traffic. Maybe jim is afraid of seeing you again. You broke his heart. Member? Just be nice and civil. Maybe ask him 4 coffee @ friends. See what he says. You’ll be OK. I love you. Chell

====

From: SweaterGirl@gmail.com
To: JHalpert@gmail.com
Date: November 14, 2006
Subject: So you are a lawyer too?

Jim—Thanks for the legal advice. Hopefully I’ll never need it.

Things around here have been crazy. Does it ever happen to you when your personal life and your work life all get jumbled into one giant mess and there’s nowhere you can go to get away from any of that?

And then I watch television and see the same thing happen to people there. Can you believe that JIM is coming back to Scranton? Wow. That’s got to be hard for PAM.

I miss talking about the show with you and hope that you are getting settled in your new place and your new job.

Sometimes, to be honest, I feel a little bit like PAM. She’s got to have regrets about how things worked out with JIM and now she has to face all of that history. I’m in a situation that is emotionally similar, if that makes sense. I just don’t want to mess anything up, you know? In a way, I want a clean slate and a fresh start. Do those things really exist? Can people really put the past behind them and move on?

Have I mentioned that I miss talking about this stuff with you?

Get back to me when you can.

Oh, and have you ever heard back from Cindy?

Pam

====

From: JHalpert@gmail.com
To: SweaterGirl@gmail.com
Date: November 15, 2006
Subject: I’ll be back soon

Hey. I miss talking to you too. I start my new responsibilities tomorrow. I’m pretty settled in my new place, though I think I need a decorator. What do you think they can do with an old recliner, a futon and a mini-fridge?

I haven’t heard back from Cindy. I wish I would. It’s fun pretending to be JIM.

As for your questions, I think it’s very possible to put the past behind you. I don’t know what PAM has to be nervous about, though. She’s the one who didn’t want JIM, remember? She’s moved on, so she should have no regrets. I know you subscribe to the theory that she’s been pining all this time for JIM. I guess we’ll have to argue about that when I get back. I actually have to work on Thursday night, so I won’t be back full time in chat until Friday.  Hang in there, though. I know you are a strong person and though life may be sucking for you right now, I really do think that you are doing what’s right for you and that you will be more than okay. Just be patient. I’m dealing with some personal/work meshing up too and I just keep telling myself that all things will pass. Tomorrow is another day. The sun will come out tomorrow.

I’m a man of many clichés.

Be strong.

Jim

======

From: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.biz
To: JHalpert@DunderMifflin.biz
Date: November 12, 2006
Subject: Lies I’ve told Pam

1.   I manage all of the Subway restaurants in a region in New Hampshire. If asked, I will admit that it is the Manchester area and hope that she isn’t from there. Remember to check out Subway corporate page and memorize menu items. Insert joke about Jared at some point. Try not to loathe myself for making all of this crap up.

2.      I am moving only “across town” not from Stamford to Scranton.

3.   My lease on my apartment was up. And now I'm in some sort of legal situation with my old landlord re: contract.

4.    I have to work Thursday night (not exactly a lie, but being JIM in chat is not the same as attending a meeting on upcoming Subway promotions).

5.   It’s possible to put the past behind you. (though I’m going to try).

6.       The sun will come up tomorrow.

7.       I am not the real Jim Halpert

=====

Chell—Call me or email me or something. I asked him out to coffee like you suggested and he completely blew me off and I think he’s seeing someone and it shouldn’t bother me but I don’t know what to do.

PAM

=====

Hello. I am away from the office as I am an emergency replacement at the mathematics conference in Seattle. I will be way until Friday, November 20th. All correspondence until then can be routed through the department chair by calling 555-7176.

====

Hey. I know you said you’d have spotty internet at home. I was just wondering if you were around. I’ve had an awful day and could really use a friend to talk to. I hope this doesn’t weird you out. My sister is off being a math geek and I really don’t have anyone else who would understand.

If you get this and can be around, let me know. I can meet you in TheAnnex

Thanks

Pam

====

Hey. Sorry I didn’t get this sooner. I went out for drinks with some people from work. I’m heading into the room right now. I’ll wait for about ½ an hour. If I don’t see you, I’ll make it a point to be there tomorrow at 6:00 PM, okay?

Hang in there.

Jim

It’s 6:07 when she hits the button to log her into the chat room. She hasn’t wanted to appear too desperate, too needy, too anxious to see his name in the “who’s online ” window, but in reality, she’s feeling very desperate, needy and anxious. She doesn’t know if she can take any more rejection, even from someone she’s never met. She doesn’t even know Jim’s last name, but all day, she drew strength from the fact that he said he’d be there for her because she told him that she needed him. That’s what got her through the coolness Jim directed in her direction and the secret smiles she witnessed him exchange with Karen.

 As the room scrolls open on her screen, she smiles when she sees that he’s there…alone.

SweaterGirl has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

SweaterGirl: Hey.

TeamJim: Hey yourself.

SweaterGirl: I’m sorry I wasn’t around last night. I kind of finished off a bottle of wine and went to bed without checking my email again.

TeamJim: That’s funny. After I waited for you, I got a little buzzed and went to bed myself.

SweaterGirl: You mentioned going out for drinks?

TeamJim: This was after that. Let’s just say that you weren’t the only one to have a bad day yesterday. I needed mass quantities of alcohol to deal.

SweaterGirl: I’m sorry to hear that. It’s too bad you are in New Hampshire and I’m in West Virginia. We could have gotten together. LOL

She has cousins in West Virginia and can describe their small town with enough detail that a stranger (especially one from New Hampshire) would never catch on. She thinks that she should start a list of little lies she’s told him to conceal her real identity. She jots “WV” on a sticky note next to her laptop.

TeamJim: Just the two of us drowning our sorrows? That actually sounds pretty good. Seriously, though, it’s nothing that won’t work itself out eventually. Just the stress of the new position. That kind of thing. So, do you want to tell me about your bad day?

SweaterGirl: In a bit. It’s just so good to see you here again. I think FlonkerTed misses you most of all, though. He had nobody to male bond with. And Cindy came in chat the other night demanding that everyone tell her their real names. Hee.

TeamJim: I’m sorry I missed that.  I’m surprised there isn’t anyone here tonight. I guess Tuesdays are the slow night.

SweaterGirl: Yeah. I guess so.

She’s been thinking about what she wants to tell him. Last night, when she reached out to him, she hadn’t thought everything completely through. She can’t very well describe her exact situation. He’ll see that on television on Thursday night. He’ll see JIM tell her that he’s too busy for a cup of coffee. He’ll see Karen run her hand possessively across JIM’s back. He’ll see the bottled water and rolled down shirt sleeves. He’ll see JIM tell her that he’s moved on. She’ll just have to be careful and talk about what’s going on with her without really talking about it. She wishes this could be easier.

TeamJim: So, why don’t you tell me about all of these changes going on in your life? It seems like you really have a lot to be proud of.

SweaterGirl: I really do. I’ll probably scare you away, but I got divorced last year. I got married right out of high school and I thought that I had it made. We had a little house and two cars and he had a good job and we were going to try to start a family and then I caught him cheating. In a second, my whole world got turned upside down. I had to get away. I didn’t know anything for sure anymore.

She jots “DIVORCED” down on her sticky note. It’s not exactly that far from the truth. She and Roy had been together longer than some married couples when she walked away. And she certainly brought an end to a marriage…even if it was only an impending one. There had been cheating too, though that was her fault. She had kissed JIM back. She had hoped for more. The second his lips met hers…wait…the second he said “I’m in love with you” things were over with Roy. She just didn’t realize it until later. She sighs and hopes she won’t have to invent a name for her ex. Lying takes too much work.

TeamJim: Wow. Notice I’m still here. I was afraid you were going to tell me you had three heads…not that there’s anything wrong with that. Seriously, though, that must have really been hard. I’m sorry you had to go through it, but I suspect it’s made you stronger.

SweaterGirl: Sometimes I think that’s true. And other times I just get so damned lonely and wish I had someone I could depend on.  Nobody ever asked me if I wanted to be stronger, you know?  I guess the best thing that came out of that experience is that I learned that I wasn’t living the life I really wanted. I didn’t know exactly what kind of life was possible. Getting out of that relationship opened my eyes to a bunch of possibilities and I’m still dealing with that now. Lately, I’ve learned that just because something is possible, there’s no guarantee that it is attainable.

TeamJim: I understand that completely, believe me…both the part about being lonely and the part about life forcing you to deal with something you just don’t want to. I’ve been there…scratch that…I AM there.

SweaterGirl: Maybe it’s a good thing that we met each other, huh? 

TeamJim: Agreed. This is a curve ball I have no problem dealing with.

SweaterGirl: Okay, how about a break from the deep stuff. Which do you hate more (and I’m assuming from what I know about you, that you will hate both of these just like I do) the Burger King or that Wendy’s dude with the braids?

TeamJim: Wow. You ask the hard questions. Is the meaning of life next? 

SweaterGirl: I like to think of it as challenging you…on moral and intellectual grounds.

TeamJim: Okay, truth be told, I think I hate the Burger King more. You can see the braid wig guy’s face. You have no idea what’s under that Burger King mask and that both frightens me and creeps me out.

SweaterGirl: Jim, I thought I knew you.

TeamJim: So, you hate the Wendy’s guy more?

SweaterGirl: Jim, the BK guy is a KING. He’s royalty. The other guy just stops people from jumping into holes. My philosophy is that if they are dumb enough to jump into a hole like that, we don’t need their gene pool reproducing itself. Wig boy should just let them jump.

TeamJim: You are so cruel. I love it…but you are cruel.

She looks down at the screen of the line of text she almost sent, but caught before hitting the return key.

SweaterGirl:  Exactly. You better be nice to me, Halpert.

She realizes, for the first time, that the reason she and Jim get along so well is that he reminds her so much of JIM. The easy banter, the empathetic listening, the sense of humor all were so damn JIM-like. Scratch that. They were like the old JIM. The one who went away…not the one who came back.

SweaterGirl: You better be nice to me!TeamJim: Believe me, I’ve learned that!

She wonders if this guy has other qualities that old-JIM possessed and if he can help her understand what is going on now.

SweaterGirl: So, I heard some more spoilers.

TeamJim: Wow. You get a lot of good information.

SweaterGirl: I think I can trust you. This girl that I went to high-school with is actually dating one of the camera men.

She figures if she needs him to, Brian will cover for her.

TeamJim: And she tells you stuff? That’s really cool.

SweaterGirl: Yeah. She sometimes sees the footage. She called me today because there’s some really upsetting stuff coming up…for the JAM lovers at least.

She hates that nickname. Jam is sticky and too sweet and can make a mess.

TeamJim: Oh really?

SweaterGirl: Yeah, well, I guess you weren’t here when we were discussing it, but Jim has a girlfriend. He’s dating Karen. And I guess, Pam was all excited to see Jim, but after an initial moment of niceness, he treated her real coldly. It’s kind of disappointing.

TeamJim: What is?SweaterGirl: JIM. I thought better of him.

TeamJim: So, how does this let you down?

SweaterGirl: I know we disagree about this, but I can’t believe he’d be so cold to PAM. And if he really did love her as much as he said he did, how can he just move on to this Karen girl? Maybe he was just caught up in the moment on Casino Night, you know?

TeamJim: No, I don’t think that’s it.

SweaterGirl: So what is it? Maybe you in your infinite guy-ness can clue me into what’s going on in his head. You’ve gotten kind of quiet.

TeamJim: Sorry, just thinking.

SweaterGirl: Always a dangerous activity.

TeamJim: I think being back in Scranton is really hard for JIM. I can kind of empathize, working with some of my old coworkers. PAM humiliated him, Pam. She shot him down. She told him that she didn’t want him.

SweaterGirl: Sorry, point of clarification. She said “I Can’t” not “I Don’t”.  

TeamJim: I know you girls have talked about that a lot, but for a guy, there’s no difference.

SweaterGirl: Really?

TeamJim: Really. He put it all out there for her…offered himself up…exposed himself and that’s something that’s really hard for any guy to do…even one as sensitive as JIM.  And you’ve seen the show. You could tell that he didn’t fucking “misinterpret” anything. She lied.

SweaterGirl: Whoa. No need to take this personally.

TeamJim: Sorry. Just sometimes, I see some of my personal heartbreak in JIM and PAM.

SweaterGirl: Do you want to talk about it?

TeamJim: Maybe some other time.

SweaterGirl: Do you think that JIM has watched the show at all?

TeamJim: I don’t see how he could have stayed away even though he said they have some kind of contract, right?

SweaterGirl: Yeah. I guess I hadn’t thought about that. That he can go back and see and hear stuff she never intended him to. And even while he was in Stamford, he could have been seeing her and hearing her. Wow. That kind of blows my mind…and some of my theories.

TeamJim: I wouldn’t want to be JIM, that’s for sure.

SweaterGirl: No kidding. So, as we’ve established…you are a guy. What do you think it would take for PAM to convince JIM that she’s interested…that she’s in a place now that she can?

TeamJim: well, assuming you are right, thought I disagree with you, PAM didn’t want JIM then…she doesn’t want him now. But…assuming you are right, I don’t know that there’s anything she could do. He’s moved on and JIM isn’t going to risk anything with PAM again.

SweaterGirl: Yeah, I guess you are right.

It’s what she’s known for sure since yesterday. It’s just too late.

TeamJim: So, are you ready to talk about your problem from yesterday?S

weaterGirl: Gosh, I had almost forgotten about that. You've just wiped all of my troubles away. My ex told me that he’s getting married to the woman he was cheating on me with and that she’s pregnant with his kid.  It was a complete shock.

She reaches over and writes “GUIDING LIGHT” on her sticky note so she remembers the source of her “problem”

TeamJim: Wow. I can imagine. Just wow.

SweaterGirl:  Yeah, I was kind of freaking out.

TeamJim: Do you talk to your ex a lot?

SweaterGirl: Usually only when he wants to let me know what I’m “missing”.

TeamJim: Well, it sounds to me that you aren’t “missing” anything.

SweaterGirl: You’re right. I’m not.

But she is. So much. Just not from her ex.

TeamJim: You seem like you’re feeling better about it.SweaterGirl: I am, actually. I got a chance to talk to my sister about it and she talked me off of the ledge. But I’m glad you were here for me too. Maybe someday I can return the favor.

TeamJim: Didn’t you say that your sister was off somewhere being a math geek?

SweaterGirl: Yeah. She got all the brains.

TeamJim: Well, I don’t think that’s true. It’s funny. I think I read somewhere that PAM’s sister is some sort of math graduate student in California or something.

Shit. Shit. Shit. She doesn’t remember ever really talking about that on the show, but the Internet is all knowing. Shit. Shit. Shit. Think fast.

SweaterGirl: Weird. My sister is actually a senior in high school. We’re pretty close thought since our mom died. A few years ago. She’s on the Mathlete team. She loves that stuff.

Shit. Another lie. She writes “DEAD MOM”  and “MATHLETE” on her very crowded sticky note.

TeamJim: Well, I don’t think it’s fair to say that she got all of the brains.

SweaterGirl: Thanks! I don’t know why it is that I feel like I’ve known you forever. I don’t even know your last name.

TeamJim: Irving.

SweaterGirl: What?

TeamJim: My last name is Irving. I think it’s only fair that you share yours with me.

She tries not to panic and stares down at her sticky note. Hoping something will come to her.

TeamJim: Come on. I promise not to Google you or stalk you.

SweaterGirl: It’s Spaulding.

Does that sound too fancy? She thinks about Alan and Alexandra from her grandmother’s favorite “story” and changes her mind.

SweaterGirl: Actually. That’s old habit. That’s my married name. I’ve gone back to Bauer. Pam Bauer.

TeamJim: Nice to meet you, Pam Bauer.

SweaterGirl: Likewise, Jim Irving. I’ve kept you a long time again and I haven’t even eaten dinner. Thanks so much for talking to me.

TeamJim: Anytime, Pam.

SweaterGirl: See you soon, Jim.

SweaterGirl has left Office_Chat/TheAnnex

As she closes the lid on her laptop, she picks up her sticky note and wonders how she’s going to keep up her motherless, hillbilly, divorcee façade.

At least she's not thinking about JIM

*****************************

Tonight!

Join Jim & Pam

From the award winning documentary,

THE OFFICE!

After Tonight’s Episode “The Merger”

CHAT LIVE 9:00 P.M.

You Ask. They Answer

*****************************

It’s like some sort of Wild West duel, he thinks. Not that he’s ever been in a gunfight, but he used to want to be the Lone Ranger, so he’s got some idea of what one would be like.

They are set up at opposite ends of the table in the conference room, each behind a laptop. Her brown curls stick up over the top of hers as she bends to type in her log-in information.

Terry, the moderator, sits between them like some sort of referee. With her black turtleneck, purple horn-rimmed glasses and giant mug of some nasty smelling green tea, she’s everything he hates about New York. When she first swept into the office earlier in the day, she acted as if she was everyone’s best friend. It pisses him off because she uses them for ratings. Everyone knows it. Even Terry knows it, so it’s fake when she acts like she gives a damn about their wellbeing.

He wonders why Karen seemed to gravitate towards Terry. They spent a lot of time during lunch talking about favorite New York hotspots and things they read in the New Yorker and little galleries where they have the best wine and cheese receptions. He decides it’s because Karen is a nice person. She gets along with everyone. She even gets along with Pam, not that it’s surprising because Karen knows nothing about…well about BEFORE. He wonders if Pam has put two and two together and realized that it’s Karen he’s seeing. She probably has.  She’s pretty perceptive, except when it comes to reading his feelings, but he’s over that now. Really

Since the other night in the parking lot when Pam had the gall to give him permission! to do what he wanted, he’s decided that the more distance he can put between the two of them, the better he’ll be. He’ll be polite and friendly, but to a point. He can’t risk anything other than that. He’s doing his best to start over and to make something of himself. The last 3 years of his life have been a complete waste and he’s just NOT going to do that again.

He looks up and sees Pam peering at him over the lid of his laptop.  He looks away.

“Okay, you two. We’re just about ready to start. You did a great job last time so I don’t anticipate any problems.”  Terry glances back and forth between the two of them, like she’s judging a tennis match. He wonders if she can feel the tension in the room.

“I want you to know, Terry, that I was serious about what I said in my email. If I think any question is inappropriate for either of us to answer, I’m out of here and I think Pam will be too.”

He arches his eyebrows at her, expecting a demur little nod.

“I think I can handle myself, thanks, Jim.”

“Do what you want, Pam.”

“I will.”

“All-righty then. Why don’t I make the room live and introduce you guys???

As she mutters her agreement, she looks over at Jim and tries to decide just what emotion she sees on his face. She’s pretty sure it’s anger, though she has no idea what he has to be angry at her for.

He’s the one that blew her off. He’s the one that announced that he was seeing someone, letting her know once and for all that she had lost her chance. He’s the one that has kept his distance the last few days. If anyone should be angry, it should be her. But she’s not…not really. She’s hurt and disappointed, but can’t bring herself to be really mad. If he keeps acting this way, though…

Office_Chat is Now Live

Host_Terry: Hey everyone! It’s great that you are back! I’m so excited that Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly are joining us tonight. I’m here on set, and we’re sitting in the conference room, waiting to answer your questions.

JHalpert_Office: Hi everyone. Funny, I never thought of my place of employment as a “set” before.

He glares over at Terry, but she doesn’t see it. She’s looking at her screen, probably trying to find the most inappropriate questions to lob their way. He thinks he hears Pam giggle and the noise makes his heart hurt. He should have done this from home.

PBeesly_Office: Hey everyone! It’s so great to see you again! I can’t wait to start answering your questions.

Host_Terry: Well, as you can imagine, a lot of these questions are about the merger. Let’s start with a popular question.  Brett in Oxford Mississippi asks, ‘Jim, what’s it like being back in Scranton?’”

JHalpert_Office: It’s okay, I guess. It was great to see Kevin, Dwight and Oscar and some of the other people again. It’s work, though, and I need to concentrate on my job.

She’s not sure what to make of the short, professional demeanor he’s been exhibiting since he’s gotten back. Kevin, Dwight and Oscar are what he’s missed about Scranton? Kevin? Dwight? She can tell he deliberately left her off his list. If this were last year, she’d ask him if he was feeling, okay and press a hand to his forehead, searching for a thermal explanation. She’s not so sure that something is “wrong” with this new Jim, though. He said he was evolving. It’s too bad this is the person he’s chosen to morph into.

Terry shoots Jim a pleading look as if she’s trying to encourage him to open up a little more. He looks back down at his keyboard. Terry sighs and types again.

Host_Terry: Okay, next question is for Pam. Mary in Rhode Island wants to know what you think of the Stamford crew?

PBeesly_Office: Everyone new has been so nice. I know it’s difficult to move to somewhere new and they had such little time to do it in. I’m sure, though, they got to say goodbye to their loved ones and let them know they were transferring, but still, I bet it was hard.

If he wants to play games, she can too.  She sees his brow creased in a firm line, but she just smiles sweetly at him and turns her attention back to her screen.

Host_Terry: I bet it was. Tommy in Missoula asks, “Jim’s seeing Karen so I was wondering if Pam is dating anyone in particular. I also want to know what Pam thinks about Karen."

His head whips up and she has to laugh at how panicked he looks. Did he really think she wouldn’t figure it out?  After his little “I’m kind of seeing someone” announcement the other night, she has no qualms about dishing out a little of the same.

PBeesly_Office: Well, actually, I’ve just kind of met someone. It’s nothing serious, but he’s a really great guy. We spend hours and hours talking. He’s been a really good friend to me and I think the basis for a good romantic relationship is being friends…real friends.
 

Part of her wonders if she’s crossed some sort of line with her deliberate cruelty. The other part of her, though, doesn’t really care. If he can sit there and glare at her, be rude to her and tell her what to do, she can get her digs in as well.

Host_Terry: And Karen?

PBeesly_Office: Karen is great. She’s pretty, and I know that’s important. I haven’t gotten to know her very well in just the few days she’s been here, but I can tell that she’s ambitious, serious about her work and super sophisticated. She’s a perfect match for Jim.

She mirrors the smiley she types with a similar one on her face.

There are more questions. People want to know who is weirder, Andy or Dwight. They ask about whether or not it’s hard to work for Michael Scott again after having a “real” boss for a while. They wonder about what Pam would have done if Scranton had been the branch to close. As they type their answers, a silence descends on the conference room. The only sound is the clacking of keys and an occasional sigh or the clearing of a throat. Periodically, each of them peers up over their laptop screen, trying to gauge the mood of the other. They play an elaborate sort of eye-tag…not wanting to get caught making eye contact. Pam finds it exhausting. Jim finds it annoying.

He looks over at Terry, letting her know that this question is pushing the limits of what he finds acceptable.

She realizes he wasn’t lying about his improved typing abilities when they shared that phone call a couple of weeks ago, because he’s not even looking at the keys. He’s staring directly at her, daring her to say something. She fights back the tears in her eyes. She doesn’t know this guy. She doesn’t know him at all. She wants to let him know that she doesn’t like the persona he’s projecting in the chat room. Maybe TeamJim was right and this is some sort of wall.

“I don’t believe you just said that, Pam. Do you know how long I...never mind.” His voice is low. Almost a whisper.

“Maybe you’re not the only one that’s changed, Jim.”

“Hey guys. Let’s keep it in the chat room. We’re almost finished.

He doesn't know what prompted him to send in this question. Maybe it's because he knows that they will never talk about what happened and he needs to hear her say some of the things he knows she was thinking. She owes him that.

She takes a breath and tells herself that there’s no accusation in this question. This is just an extension of the conversations Jim and Ted have in the room. They’ll probably debate her answer for a few weeks. She is curious if he’s around somewhere. Maybe he got finished with work early and he’ll be around later. The thought of him, reading what she writes gives her the strength to put just a little honesty in her words, without giving away that she knows the author of this question.

She notices Jim shaking his head as he reads her words.

Now she’s the one showing off her touch typing skills.

“Are we almost finished, Terry?” His tone gives no indication of whether or not he believes what she just typed. He just sounds tired.

 “Just one more question, okay?”

“Fine.”

She hopes that the flush she feels forming on her face isn’t noticeable. She submitted that question the other night, after talking with Jim. She’s just looking for crumbs here…she needs a little something to hang her hope on. She didn’t think through the fact that she’d be in close, physical proximity to JIM if the question were selected. He doesn’t type, though. Instead, he looks up at her.

“Is that what you want, Pam? Another chance?” He makes air quotes and his voice is angrier than he’s ever heard it. He’s scary and teetering on the edge of control.

“Jim—I….”

“Yeah. Exactly what I thought.” His fingers start clacking away on his keyboard. Even his typing is angry.

He's dismayed to see that this question is from his friend. He knows she's trying to see the silver lining of her current situation and he doesn't want to yank her hope away. She's kind of counting on JIM to let her know that not every guy is her jerk of an ex-husband. He can't do that tonight, though. He has to make damn sure that PAM doesn't misinterpret anything he has to say. She needs to understand that they can't go back...that he won't go back.

He stands and pushes his chair away from the table.

“I’m out of here. Night, Terry. Night, Pam.”

His long legs carry him quickly out the door. From where she’s sitting, she sees him grab his jacket and his bag and leave the office.

His typed words are still sitting on her screen, accusing her, hurting her. She wonders if the things she said tonight stung him as much as his words did her. Sure, it felt good to “get even” with him for his cruel attitude the last couple of days, but now that the chat is winding to an end, she not only doesn’t like him…she doesn’t like herself very much either.

“Pam, say goodnight!”  Terry is up out of her chair, rushing over to Jim’s laptop. She bends over and types a quick message, not worrying that it is incongruous with Jim’s previous message.

Terry picks up her cell phone and starts dialing a number. “They don’t pay me enough for this.” She mutters into it before disappearing out the door herself.

Pam is numb. Shocked. She doesn’t know where to go or what to do. It wasn’t a big deal. He was over it. He’s moved on. Even though the words were typed, she can hear his voice saying them over and over in her head. She puts her head down in her hands and tries to stop the tears from coming.

She feels a hand on her shoulder, large and comforting.

“Pam. It’s okay. You can’t let him get to you.”

His voice is reassuring and she looks up.

“I know, Brian. It’s just hard sometimes, you know?”

“I know. But he doesn’t know what he’s missing.”

She chuckles a little and stands. “Thanks. I don’t know what I’d do without you, you know?”

“It’s nothing, Pam.”

“No, Brian. It means a lot. Walk me to my car?”

“Sure. Let me get my stuff.”

As she walks out of the conference room into the darkened office (didn’t she vow that she wouldn’t do this again) she waits while Brian shuts down his laptop. She doesn’t notice him highlighting a portion of the chat transcript and saving it as a text file:

“Ready?”

“Yup. Thanks again, Brian. You’re a real friend.”

He smiles to himself, puts his hand on her back and guides her out of the door.

When Jim knocks on Karen's door fifteen minutes later, he's not quite sure who won the showdown duel tonight. He's fairly certain, though, that both of them are more wounded than when they started.

f

From: JHalpert@aol.com
To: PBeesly@scranton.rr.com
CC: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.biz
Subject: Tonight

Hey. It’s about 3:30 a.m. and I can’t sleep. I wasn’t sure if your old email address still worked, so I’m sending this to you at work as well. If it you get it twice, well, than you get it twice.

 I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry about that stupid chat tonight. I’m sorry for a lot of things, Pam, but I’m really sorry about the crap that I typed and the way I walked out (though I’m not sorry if I put Terry in a difficult position).

I guess what I’m trying to say is that being back in Scranton is hard. It’s a hell of lot harder than I thought it would be and I haven’t handled the situation very well at all.

Maybe it’s too late or too much for me to ask for you to put yourself in my shoes. I know you probably think that I didn’t, but I meant every word I said to you back in May. When you told me that you were still going to marry Roy, I realized I needed to do something for my self-preservation. I was in a bad place, Pam…it was dark there and I did what I needed to. Being back here just brings all of those dark feelings back even though I keep telling myself that I’ve moved on.  

I don’t know why I got so angry tonight. Maybe it’s just that we never talked about…things. Being put on the spot and asked to explain mysself to strangers when you and I haven’t even done that just set me off.

I think, though, that I have learned that my transfer and the way that I handled that hurt you. I’m sorry, but I hope you can see that my motivation wasn’t to hurt you. It never was.

I’m not telling you these things so that you feel bad or guilty, because that’s not what I want. I took a risk and sometimes risks don’t pay off. When they don’t, the best thing you can do is get up, brush yourself off and learn something from the experience. That’s what I’m trying to do.

So, I guess that’s why I’ve been acting like a jerk. I’m going to try to do better. I know things can’t go back to the way they were before I left…too much water under the bridge and all of that…but I want to try to fix our friendship. I know that tonight took me about 100 steps back in that process, but if you don’t give up on me then I won’t either.

I didn’t like the person I was earlier so I I’ll understand if you don’t read this all the way through, but I hope you have.

See you at work.

Jim

======

Hey. You caught me at home. I couldn’t sleep either, so I’m up baking cookies before the crack of dawn.

I want to thank you for your email. I spent most of the time after the chat wondering just what it was that happened to us…to the people we were. Sure we’ve had disagreements and unintentionally hurt each other’s feelings before, but that happens to friends sometimes, right?

Tonight had nothing to with being friends and I need to apologize to you for my part in it all. That’s kind of why I was baking the cookies. Even though we aren’t as close as we used to be, I still know that you like chocolate/butterscotch chip the best (unless that’s changed too).

You’re right. Having you back is harder than I thought it would be. And it’s even harder trying to do it remembering the cameras are there and that people are going to be calling us on our every move. It’s nice that the cameras can’t read out email.

The production company doesn’t have permission to do that, do they?

Maybe we just needed to get all of that out of our system. I want to try to be friends again. I hope you don’t mind me saying this or think I’m being cruel after everything that happened, but I’ve missed you.

Anyway, it’s late (or is it early) so I’ll let you go.  Thanks for writing. It really meant a lot.

Pam

P.S. I’ll bring extra cookies for Karen. She does eat cookies, doesn’t she? She’s so tiny.

=====

From: JHalpert@aol.com
To: PBeesly@scranton.rr.com
CC: PBeesly@DunderMifflin.biz
Subject: Re: Re:Tonight

Pam—

I’m glad we “talked”. Yes, Karen eats cookies and I’m sure she’ll appreciate your baking. You should know that one thing about me that will never, ever change is my love of your chocolate/butterscotch chip cookies.

See you in a few hours.

Jim

PS -- And they better not be reading our emails!

*****************************

Tonight!

Join Pam and Karen

From the award winning documentary,

THE OFFICE!

After Tonight’s Holiday Episode

CHAT LIVE 9:00 P.M.

Party Live with the Committee to Plan Parties

*****************************

SweaterGirl:  I’d have to say that the answer to that question will always be Top Gun.

TeamJim: Really? Your favorite Tom Cruise movie is Top Gun? Wow. What is it with you girls?

SweaterGirl: We can’t resist a man in uniform!

TeamJim: Well, then you’ll be happy to know that I am the proud owner of a Subway manager polo shit, windbreaker and visor.

SweaterGirl: Whoa! Let me check my Greyhound schedule to see how quickly I can get up to New Hampshire!

TeamJim: The Subway outfit is irresistible, let me tell you.

SweaterGirl: You just made Diet Coke come out of my nose.

TeamJim: Another one of my many talents.

 SweaterGirl: And there are many of them

FlonkerTed has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

TeamJim: Ted!

SweaterGirl: Ted!

FlonkerTed: Hey SG and TJ! You guys are here early.

TeamJim: Just wanted to get a good seat.

SweaterGirl: I actually have to leave before the chat starts. I have to go to one of my sister’s Math events.

MrsHalpert has entered Office_That/TheAnnex

TeamJim: SG is a good big sis. Hey MrsH.

MrsHalpert: Hey to you too, TJ! Hey everyone.

SweaterGirl: Yes I am. You guys will have to fill me in on the chat. Pam and Karen! That should be interesting.

You have no idea, SweaterGirl.

FlonkerTed: Maybe there will be a catfight.

PamPong Has Entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

MrsHalpert: Does Karen even know that Jim had a thing for Pam?

FlonkerTed: It doesn’t seem like it, does it? You’d think if he were serious about Karen, she’d know.

TeamJim: Maybe he just doesn’t want to make for an uncomfortable work environment.

MrsHalpert: That could be. It’s just nice that Jim and Pam seem to be a little more friendly with each other lately.

PamPong: No kidding! After the merger chat, I was worried. That was uncomfortable to read. Did you see that it even made PerezHilton that they were snipping at each other here?

SweaterGirl: I saw that. My sister showed me. Maybe getting it out of their system like that is what’s helping them be friends again.

TeamJim: SG is wise. I’d listen to her : )

SweaterGirl: Hee. And with that, I should get going. I need to do some rooting for some Mathletes.

TeamJim: What does that look like, anyway?

SweaterGirl: Oh, there are cheers. Add! Add! Add! Add!  Cross Multiply and Divide! Divide and Conquer! That kind of thing. Later everyone! 

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: I’ll be back in a couple of hours. Be good.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: I always am. Bye Pam.

.SweaterGirl has left Office_Chat/TheAnnex

FlonkerTed Whispers to TeamJim: So, Jimbo. What exactly is going on with you and SweaterGirl? The girls in chat really want to know.

TeamJim Whispers to FlonkerTed: Gossiping about people on the show isn’t enough for them?

FlonkerTed Whispers to TeamJim: Apparently it isn’t. So spill already.

TeamJim Whispers to FlonkerTed: It’s nothing, really. We just get along really well and we spend a lot of time talking and goofing around.

FlonkerTed Whispers to TeamJim: Well that’s good. You two seem to really click.

TeamJim Whispers to FlonkerTed: Thanks, I guess? Seriously, I’m not looking for anything serious. I’ve got more than enough relationship problems in my regular life.

FlonkerTed Whispers to TeamJim: I never would have figured you for a player  TJ: )

TeamJim Whispers to FlonkerTed: Oh yeah, Ted. I’m a regular man of mystery.

FlonkerTed Whispers to TeamJim: Well, good luck to you.

PamPong: The boys are really quiet!

TeamJim: That’s because you sent Ted on a recon mission to gather info about me!

MrsHalpert: Who, us?  LOL

Host_Terry: Good evening everyone! We hope you enjoyed the holiday themed episode of The Office tonight. We’re live here with the Committee to Plan Parties: Karen and Pam. Good evening ladies.

KFillapelli_Office:  Hey Terry! Wow. Look at that. I’m not KFillapelli_Stamford anymore!

PBeesly_Office: You’re one of us now, Karen!

KFillapelli_Office: Awesome!

He doesn’t know why, but he’s extremely nervous seeing the two of them together in the chat room tonight. He knows from personal experience that emotions can get out of hand when you have the freedom to type what you might ordinarily keep inside. The public scrutiny and personal questions can put a pressure on you and make you act in a way you might not expect.

He and Pam have been doing better. They’ve been friendly for the last couple of weeks, even going so far as sharing a not-so-awkward hug the morning after the merger chat when she showed up with a box full of his favorite cookies. He had stopped to buy a couple of gallons of chocolate milk and she was delighted by his gesture.

MrsHalpert: I don’t know how Pam does it.

TeamJim: Does what?

MrsHalpert:  I don’t know how she can be friendly to Karen. I mean in tonight’s episode, she went out of her way to include her.

TeamJim: Well, Pam’s a nice person and it’s not like Karen did anything to her.

MrsHalpert: Oh, I know. I just wonder if it’s taking a toll on Pam. One we don’t see because she keeps it hidden until she gets home.

He’s wondered that. He sees her smiles and hears her jokes, but something just doesn’t seem right. It’s like she’s trying just a little too hard and he can understand that, because trying maintain a sane emotional balance in the office and sell paper at the same time is wearing him out.  The holiday party that was featured on television tonight had been a particularly exhausting feat to pull off.

First, they had had their Christmas party at the beginning of December. The production company had offered to chip in for food and drinks if they had it early so as to facilitate their shooting and airing schedule. It was kind of fun…a way to kick off the season, but keeping all of his feelings about Karen and Pam and Michael and even Roy in check had left him wishing he’d been raised in a culture that didn’t celebrate Christmas.

Host_Terry: Ready for your questions?

PBeesly_Office: I’m ready!

KFillapelli_Office: I’m ready too. Let’s go!

Host_Terry: Alright. Pam. Travis in Seattle asks, “Your gift to Jim was pretty cool. How long had you been planning that?”

PBeesly_Office:  Since the end of summer, actually. Jim’s faxes from the future actually gave me the idea to construct something elaborate for Dwight.

KFillapelli_Office: Pam, when Jim told me about that prank, I was impressed. You are a master. I bow to you.

PBeesly_Office: Thanks, Karen.

That was something else that had left him drained. Pam’s present. It had taken every ounce of willpower to reject it when she had offered it, so delighted with her red folder full of carefully planned fun. It had just seemed so THEN to him and he couldn’t go back to BEFORE.  But then he had seen her giggling with Roy and exchanging gifts with her ex and the feelings he had tamped down so long burst through to the surface. Competition. Jealousy. Inadequacy. He wanted to be the one to make her smile. And so he fell back into old habits, chose Dwight’s mission and watched the corners of her mouth really turn up.

Being himself was hard. Maybe that’s why he retreated so often to this place, where he could be just Jim, a guy whose only worry was if his cluster of restaurants was going to be affected by a lettuce shortage. It was safe here.

Host_Terry: Karen. Libby in Sacramento asks “Since you’ve known him both places, do you see a difference between Stamford Jim and Scranton Jim?”

KFillapelli_Office: Well, I think that Jim was working a little harder in Stamford because he was new and was trying to make a place for himself. I think he’s a little more relaxed here in Scranton, probably because he’s back in his comfort zone. What do you think, Pam? Is this the Jim you knew before he came to Scranton?

Wow. That’s a loaded question, isn’t it?

PBeesly_Office: I think he’s a little more serious, actually. I think you Stamford guys did a good job of helping him focus more on his career. I know that sounds like a bad thing and that there are a lot of people out there that like goofy, pranking Jim, but I think there’s nothing wrong with trying to make something of yourself. I’m proud of him, actually.

KFillapelli_Office: In a way, I wish I’d have known Jim before he came to Stamford so I’d have a basis of comparison. It seems like he was quite a handful before he left.

PBeesly_Office: You could say that.

Was he really that different? Was PAM really “proud” of him or was that something she had constructed to deal with her anger at him? In a way, he wishes he and PAM could be alone in a chat room and that it could be as easy as it is with Pam. He doesn’t have time for wishes any more, though. Especially not if he’s going to make things work with Karen.

MrsHalpert: Someone should ask Karen if she knows about Jim and Pam and how she feels about it. Even if Jim didn’t tell her, I bet she can pick up on the fact that there’s something between the two of them.

FlonkerTed: That would be harsh, though. Finding out in a chat room if she didn’t already know, don’t you think?

Trust me. She doesn’t know. And I don’t know why I can’t be completely honest with her about that. Hmmm....

TeamJim: So, if he hasn’t told Karen, why do you think that is? Why can’t he be completely honest with Karen?

FlonkerTed: Isn’t it obvious, TJ? I would think you in all of your infinite Jimish wisdom would be able to figure it out.

He can say it out loud here.  It’s safe.

TeamJim: Because deep down, he’s still hoping for a chance with Pam? 

FlonkerTed: Bingo. He really needs to evaluate why he’s with Karen.  

TeamJim: I guess he does, doesn’t he?  She’s great, though.

FlonkerTed: Just not great for him.

Host_Terry: Here’s a holiday themed question for you, Pam. Olivia in Round Rock, Texas asks, “How are the holidays different without Roy? What will be different for you this year?

PBeesly_Office: Wow. Well, the simple answer is that there will be fewer bowl games to watch. But seriously, for the first time in my life, I’m entertaining. I’ve always just gone to my parent’s house or Roy’s parents. This year, though, I had my folks come to my new place for Thanksgiving. I even invited some of the camera crew. These guys are a long way from home and they deserve turkey and trimmings for all of the stuff they have to put up with. I mean, they watch us every day!

KFillapelli_Office: I don’t know how they do that. Wait, Roy? The guy from the warehouse? You were with him?

PBeesly_Office:   Yeah. We were engaged. We aren’t anymore.

KFillapelli_Office: I didn’t know that. And I was trying to suggest…why didn’t you say anything? God, Pam, I'm sorry.

PBeesly_Office: I didn’t want you to feel awkward. It’s okay. Anyway, I’m going to my parents in Wilkes Barre for Christmas and my sister and her boyfriend and my brother and his boyfriend will be there. I’m really looking forward to not having to split my time between two families at Christmas. Do I sound pathetic?

KFillapelli_Office: Not at all. Jim and I are still trying to figure out what we’re going to do and it would be nice to just kick back and relax.

PBeesly_Office: Well, Jim is pretty relaxed to begin with.

KFIllapelli_Office: That’s for sure.

PamPong: I can’t get over how friendly they are. You’d never guess, would you?

This just shows him that Pam is more over him than he is over her. Paling around with Karen doesn’t cause her to hurt inside. God, just seeing her smile at Roy was like impaling himself on a pitchfork. She’s friends with Karen because she wants to be friends with him. Nothing more.

But what if she’s hiding it, just like he is? He doesn’t know if he has the guts to find out.

Host_Terry: Well, we’ve got time for just one more question. Karen, Tessa in Springfield wants to know if you have any regrets about following Jim to Scranton.

KFillapelli_Office: I didn’t move here JUST for Jim. I had just lost my job and they were offering me one here. I have to admit, though, that Jim being here made the choice a heck of a lot easier and it did make me stop looking for something in New York or Boston.  But, even though I miss my family and being closer to the city, I’m not sorry I came here. In fact, I’m glad I did. I have Jim and I’ve made some really good friends here, so no regrets.

PBeesly_Office: Karen, I know it’s weird to tell you this in a chat room when I see you every day, but I’m really happy for you and Jim. You guys are really good together.

KFillapelli_Office: Thanks, Pam.

Host_Terry: Well, that’s it folks. I don’t know about you, but I had a lot of fun tonight. I felt like just one of the girls sitting around at the hair salon. Thanks for making this such a great experience, Karen and Pam! 

KFillapelli_Office: Thanks Terry.

PBeesly_Office: Nite, Terry.

KFillapelli_Office has left the arena

PBeesly_Office has left the arena.

Host_Terry: Fans, now that Pam and more importantly, Karen are out of the room. I’d like to relay a message from Jim and Pam about their joint chat a few weeks ago. They want to apologize to you, the fans, for what Pam told me was, “something that should have been dealt with in private”. Jim and Pam want you to know that they’ve worked everything out and are happy to be friends again. Obviously, Karen doesn’t know about Jim and Pam’s prior situation and that’s why there were no questions about that this evening. We don’t want our chats to alter the natural course of events. The Office will be in repeats until mid – January. Join us then for more fun and more chats.

Something to be thankful to Terry for. It’s a nice change. His head is spinning with ideas from tonight. Karen and Pam being friends, the idea that Pam could be masking her true feelings, wondering if maybe it’s him that wants another chance. At least he has this place online where he can try out his feelings; it’s like an emotion laboratory.

====

SweaterGirl has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

FlonkerTed: There she is. How was the Math thing?

SweaterGirl: Hey …wow. It’s late.

TeamJim: Karen/Pam chat ended an hour ago. We missed you.

PamPong: The two of them were like BFFs.

SweaterGirl: I’ll have to read the log. That’s a good thing, though, right? 

PamPong: Sure. It was just a little weird.

SweaterGirl: Ted, I wasn’t ignoring you. The Math thing was great. My sister’s team kicked math ass!

FlonkerTed: That’s great.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Hey.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Hey yourself.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Can I ask you a favor?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Depends on what it is. For example, I will not fill in for one of your employees on salami slicing duty.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: It’s nothing like that. It’s just…

SweaterGirl: Hey, you know that you can trust me.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: I told you that I’m dealing with some emotional crap right now…kind of like JIM and I think you’re going through some PAM-like stuff….you got divorced, she ended her engagement...you know?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Right….

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: and I thought maybe we could help each other.  Can I run some stuff past you and see if you can tap into PAM’s head and help me out.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Well, obviously, I’m not PAM, but okay…I do find myself understanding her…and I think you get Jim.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: As much as anyone can.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: LOL

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Okay, if you were PAM, what would you think if JIM came to you and said he was interested in another chance?

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: I get to ask you questions as if you’re JIM later, right?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: Absolutely.

They pretend to be themselves until long after midnight.

TeamJim has entered Office_Chat/SupplyCloset

TeamJim: Knock Knock?

SweaterGirl: Hey! You’re here! It worked!

TeamJim: I guess it did. I just followed the link you emailed me. Where are we exactly?

SweaterGirl: In the Supply Closet, silly.  Look at the bar at the top of the page.

TeamJim: Well, I can see that. But I’ve never seen this room listed before.

SweaterGirl: It isn’t. I made it. Well, actually, my sister made it. She knows how these online chat platforms are set up.

TeamJim: Wow. She’s a Mathlete and a hacker? I’m impressed.

SweaterGirl: You should be. She said that there’s the potential for unlimited rooms, so we made this one. Because it’s not listed, we can talk in here when there’s not an episode on and we won’t be bothered by people popping in all the time. I don’t mind talking to Ted and Mary and the gang, but when it’s just us, random people can get annoying.  Besides, it’s a pain to hit that whisper button every time I want to talk privately with you.

TeamJim: This is a great idea, actually. Why is it called the Supply Closet?

SweaterGirl: Well, I wanted it to blend in with the themes of the other rooms in case an admin saw it and this one wasn’t taken. Besides, everyone’s always saying that JIM should take PAM into the supply closet and have his way with her…so here we are.

TeamJim: Are you saying you want me to have my way with you? 

SweaterGirl: Oh, be quiet and get your ego in check! I am not that kind of a girl…at least not tonight. Actually, I’ve had kind of a weird day and I’ve been looking forward to a little alone time with you.

TeamJim: As always, I’m at your service. I’ve had kind of a weird day too.

She smiles and leans back in her chair, pulling the keyboard down onto her lap. It’s funny how just seeing his typed words on the monitor comforts her like nothing else today could…neither Dwight’s gallant gesture in the hallway nor Roy’s joke about Hawaii made her feel this safe and warm. People who say that you can’t make a personal connection over the Internet are wrong. She doesn’t know what he looks like. The color of his hair, the shape of his eyes, the makeup of his build are all vapors to her, yet in her mind’s eye, she can see him leaning back in his chair, smiling at her through the wall of pixels that separates them.  She can see who he is and that’s more than enough for her.

SweaterGirl: Maybe it’s the moon or something. Weirdness all around.

TeamJim: That could very well be. So, what’s up? What made your day weird? Pull up a case of paper and tell me your troubles.

SweaterGirl: A case of paper?

TeamJim: Well, we are in the supply closet, aren’t we?

SweaterGirl: LOL. I feel like I’m always dumping my problems on you, but I had to deal with my ex-husband today

.TeamJim: I’m sorry. What did he do?

SweaterGirl: He didn’t do anything. Not really. It’s just…

She has to take a second and think. Sometimes the chore of being NOT PAM is exhausting, but she doesn’t want to ruin what she has here with Jim. If he found out that she was PAM, he’d either run, or treat her differently and when everyone with a television is overly familiar with the intimate contours of the bruises on her heart, she prefers the anonymity. She’s made a cheat sheet for herself…expanding on her earlier system of sticky notes.  It’s like the formula charts she used to use in chemistry class.

Ex Husband Wayne = Roy + Jim

Wayne’s new pregnant woman (Carla) = Karen

She’s decided to keep things simple for herself by combining Roy and Jim together into one set of problems. It would look too weird if both her ex husband and ex best friend were causing her heartache.  Right? Right.

SweaterGirl: Carla needs a good obstetrician and the doctor I work for is the best around and Carla wanted to start seeing him. Wayne didn’t think it would be a good idea because…well, because of me. I guess they had been fighting about this for a while now. He told me this when he was picking up the dog for his week this morning.

TeamJim: I can see how that would be awkward.

SweaterGirl: Yeah, but Dr. Wyatt is really good and so I told Wayne that it didn’t bother me and that of course, Carla should come to our office. It would be silly of her not to.

TeamJim: Does it bother you?

SweaterGirl: Well, you know, at the time I was telling him to just bring her on by, I was really proud of myself for being the bigger person and moving on and all of that. Just because we didn’t work out together, I wasn’t going to deny him his happiness. And Wayne and I had been good friends for so long that I wanted to help.

TeamJim: Because you’re a good person.

SweaterGirl: Well, not that good. Later, when he brought her in and they were sitting in the office filling out forms, it just hit me that they were a couple and did couple things and they were having a baby and well, I was alone.  I had to go into one of the examination rooms and have a good cry. It just hurt, Jim. It became real to me today.

TeamJim: I know what it’s like to see someone you care about with someone else. It’s like a physical pain, isn’t it?

SweaterGirl: Yeah.

TeamJim: I’m giving you a cyber hug and since we’re in the supply closet, I’ll throw in a box of paper clips as well.

SweaterGirl: LOL.  Thanks. Jim?

TeamJim: Hmmmm?

SweaterGirl: Does it get better? The pain.

TeamJim: I’ll let you know when I find out, deal?

SweaterGirl:  That bad, huh? Why don’t you tell me why your day was weird?

When she talks to him about feelings, she doesn’t lie, though the stories they may be presented in are fabrications set in her West Virginia soap opera. She had been proud of herself for helping Jim out today…for giving him advice and looking at apartments for Karen. This is what friends do. They help each other. When she saw them, though, making up and coming to an understanding, she felt like Dwight had karate chopped her right in the gut with the thick soled boots he wore on days when he said he had been mucking out the beet fields. It hurt, though talking it through has dulled the pain somewhat.

As she waits for Jim to compose an answer to her question, a ding reminds her that she had left her instant messaging program  in the hopes that her sister would sign on.  When she tabs to the window, she sees a name in the IM window that she hasn’t seen in a very long time.

JimSox79: Pam?

HoneyBees: Hey. Long time, no IM.

She wonders if there will every come a time when she can say something simple like that to him and not have her words be stained with remorse and regret.

JimSox79: Yeah. What’s up?

TeamJim: Well, I guess I’ve been kind of pigheaded about some decisions I was making at work. I was being stubborn.

SweaterGirl: You, stubborn?

She hates trying to have multiple conversations in multiple windows, but both of these discussions are important to her, so she does her best, flipping back and forth between windows and typing her responses swiftly.

HoneyBees: Just hanging out and Iming with Michele.

 JimSox79:  Tell her I said hi.

TeamJim: It happens. It took a good buddy of mine to show me that I was being pigheaded and I guess I appreciated it. I was kind of surprised.

SweaterGirl: Why were you surprised?

HoneyBees:  I just did. She says Hi back.

JimSox79: Pam, the reason I’m iming…it’s okay that I IMd you isn’t it?

TeamJim: I thought he resented me a little because I got the promotion instead of him. So I was surprised when he was such a good friend to me even thought I probably hurt him.

SweaterGirl: I’ve found that friendship is kind of hard to kill once it takes root. That’s why I sucked it up and told Wayne it was okay for Carla to come to my office.

 TeamJim: Even though it was hard on you.

SweaterGirl: Yeah.

JimSox79: Pam?

HoneyBees: Sorry. I suck at multi-tasking. It’s always okay for you to IM me.

JimSox79: Oh good. You had me worried there. I just wanted to thank you for what you did today.

 TeamJim: So maybe my buddy might still have some hurt feelings toward me…

SweaterGirl: But he’s still your friend.

HoneyBees: It was nothing.

JimSox79: It wasn’t nothing, Pam. It meant a lot to me.

Her head is spinning and the conversations are starting to blend, one into the other. Maybe she’s not the most messed up person in the world. Maybe her problems and feelings are pretty run-of-the mill.  Jim isn’t dealing with a love triangle, but he’s still struggling with issues of friendship and hurt. Knowing that others out there deal with similar themes makes her feel a tiny bit less alone.

She doesn’t even have time to process that Jim…make that JIM is talking to her…is IMing her for the first time in over half a year.  When it rains, it pours.

HoneyBees: Well, someone has to tell you when you’re being stubborn.

TeamJim: Yeah, he is. Man we’ve gotten into the deep end tonight, haven’t we?

SweaterGirl: Yeah, but I appreciate you wading out here with me.

JimSox79: I haven’t been very nice to you lately, have I?

HoneyBees: Jim, really…you don’t have to do this.

JimSox79: I guess I didn’t believe you when you told me that we’d always be friends.

TeamJim: We’re good at keeping each other’s heads above water.

SweaterGirl: And using extended metaphors!

HoneyBees: Don’t ever doubt me, Halpert :)  You should know better.

JimSox79: I guess I forgot.

TeamJim: And apparently being smart asses.

SweaterGirl: If you were here, I’d hit you!

HoneyBees: Look, I know that I’ve been weird too. I want us to be friends, Jim. And friends help each other out with the tough stuff.

JimSox79: Well, if you need me, you always know where I am.

HoneyBees: Yeah. I do

.JimSox79: I should let you get back to Michele. Thanks again and I’ll see you at work tomorrow.

HoneyBees: Nite Jim. Thanks for IMing. Don’t be a stranger! 

JimSox79: I won’t. Night! (JimSox79 is no longer available) 

SweaterGirl: What, are you hiding from me?

TeamJim: There’s not a lot of hiding room here in the supply closet.

She’s glad that JIM got in touch with her tonight and she’s glad they are talking. Heck, they almost broached the subject of the reason for the tension between them. Almost.

And while she’s happy to be his friend and help him out with Karen, she knows there’s no way she could approach him with the problem that weighs heaviest on both her mind and her heart. It’d be kind of a conflict of interest and that’s putting it mildly. She’s so grateful for Jim and his sympathetic ear.

SweaterGirl kisses TeamJim on the cheek.

TeamJim: What was that for?

SweaterGirl: I’m just really glad you’re my friend. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.

TeamJim: I could say the same thing.

SweaterGirl: Well go ahead then.

TeamJim: Go ahead and what?

SweaterGirl: Say the same thing!

TeamJim:  I’m just really glad you’re my friend. I honestly don’t know what I’d do without you.

SweaterGirl: Thank you.

TeamJim: Would it mean less if I told you I just copied and pasted? 

SweaterGirl: I’ll let it slide…THIS time.

TeamJim: I am at your mercy.

SweaterGirl: Jim, what do you look like?

TeamJim: Ah…so this is what it comes down to, huh?

SweaterGirl: Get your mind out of the gutter. It’s just hard to picture someone you don’t know. I don’t need a photo…just give me some generalities. Like…do you have hair?

She doesn’t know what has prompted this from her tonight. Maybe she wants to feel even more connected in the hopes that it will kill the last little bit of residual pain from today. There’s no way she’s going to ask him for a photo, though, because she’s not prepared to share one of herself.

TeamJim: Where?

SweaterGirl: On your head.

TeamJim: Affirmative. I have hair on my head.

SweaterGirl: Color?

TeamJim: Brown. I’m just kind of average. Average height…maybe a little on the tall side. Average build. Average hair and eye color. I look like 100 other guys in New Hampshire alone. Does that help?

SweaterGirl: Yes, thanks. Do you want to know what I look like?

TeamJim: I bet I can guess. Average, right?

 SweaterGirl: It’s like you are psychic!

TeamJim: I bet, though, that you have a very above average smile.

She can’t help it. She smiles, wide and big.

SweaterGirl: Well, that’s only because you put it there. Thanks for talking to me again.

TeamJim: Any time, Pam. Shall we call it a night?

SweaterGirl: Yeah, it’s late. Goodnight, Jim.

TeamJim: Goodnight, Pam

.…  …  …

SweaterGirl: Aren’t you going to leave?

TeamJim: I was waiting for you.

SweaterGirl: Why don’t we both leave on the count of 3?

TeamJim: Okay…1

SweaterGirl: 2

TeamJim: 3.  TeamJim has left OfficeChat/SupplyCloset

SweaterGirl has left OfficeChat/SupplyCloset 

As she goes through her simple evening beauty routine and lays out her clothes for tomorrow, she pictures him in his New Hampshire apartment, mountains out the window, getting out his Subway outfit for his job in the morning. Though she doesn’t have many more clues than she did before (other than the fact that his hair is brown) she can see him more clearly than before and he bears an uncanny resemblance to JIM.

*****************************

Tonight!

Join Phyllis and Stanley

From the award winning documentary,

THE OFFICE!

After Tonight’s Episode “Travelling Salesmen”

CHAT LIVE 9:00 P.M.

Phyllis and Stanley Will Give You Sales Tips!

*****************************

He considers himself to be a hopeful person…he always has.  He spent years hoping against all odds that events that had been put into motion long before he met her would come to a screeching halt and that Pam would choose him and not Roy.

It was that hope that led him to tell her how he felt and when she told him that she couldn’t, he wished for new things…forgetfulness chief among them.

When he heard that she had called off her wedding, he hoped anew for another chance. Every time the phone rang or his email box dinged at him, he hoped that it was her, asking him to come back.

Sometime near the end of July, his hope turned round another corner and he began longing for a fresh start and peace of mind in putting the past behind him. He continues to hope for these things.

Lately, though, he’s taken out his old hopes and let them drink in sunshine for the first time in a long time. He's polished them to a new sparkle and started wishing that the girl he’s spent so much time talking to online is actually “his” Pam. Daily, he recaps the evidence in his mind that Pam could actually be PAM: their senses of humor, their compassion, the way they listen, even the way that they use ellipses when they instant message is the same. He tries to tell himself that it’s just a coincidence…that there’s no way that PAM would spend time online pretending to be a West Virginia divorcee. But he’s the one in charge of 12 Subway restaurants in Southeastern New Hampshire, so…maybe, right?

A few weeks ago, when he had tabbed between windows, talking to the two of them at the same time, he felt it…felt that they were one and the same. He has no real proof, but he HOPES. He fantasizes that he’ll confront her (he usually imagines that it will be in the break room) and let her know that he knows. Maybe he’ll say her name in a way so that she can somehow hear the capital letters. He can see her face flush and her eyes dart toward the floor and he’ll tell her that it’s all right, that he’s known from the beginning and then he’ll sweep her into his arms and…

That’s usually when he stops himself because he’s learned that nothing comes from wishing and that hope gets faded when you leave it out in the sun too long.

=====

He sighs as he lets himself into his apartment. It’s late…almost 1 am. He’s spent the last 5 hours just listening. That’s all Karen wanted from him tonight…for him to hear her out. His neck hurts from nodding and his spirit is exhausted, but she expects that he’ll think about what she said to him. She wants answers tomorrow night, when it will be his turn to speak.  He doesn’t have any at this point. But despite the emotional turmoil and the nonstop staccato of Karen’s voice telling him what she deserves and what he should do, he doesn’t regret the “yes” that came out of his throat two days ago.

He knows that he should probably get some sleep, but his laptop beckons from the kitchen table. He’s still in his work clothes, so he pulls off his tie and his belt and loosens the top buttons on his shirt. While the computer boots up, he grabs a beer and a handful of grapes from his fridge.

He flicks off the lights and sits down in front of the glow of his laptop.

TeamJim has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

SweaterGirl: I know Ted, I wish he’d just get the balls to admit what everyone knows.

FlonkerTed: Hey, TJ. What are you doing here so late?

TeamJim: Hey guys. What’s up? Just got home from an exhausting meeting and I had to get the details of the Phyllis/Stanley chat.

SweaterGirl: LOL. It was actually kind of fun. Stanley is kind of hilarious when he’s not in the office.

 TeamJim: Wow.

 FlonkerTed: And someone asked Phyllis who her one night stand was with.

TeamJim: Did she answer?

SweaterGirl: Well, at first she claimed not remember, but then hinted that it was someone in the warehouse.

TeamJim: Seems like I missed a lot.

FlonkerTed: Plus everyone asked them how they felt about Dwight quitting. There was a lot of chat about that tonight. A lot of people just left not too long ago. A big night for The Office!

SweaterGirl: I wonder what will happen next week.

Part of him wants to figure out a way to test her…to find out once and for all if “West Virginia” is just a 10 minute drive away and if Wayne’s name is really Roy. It’s only when he thinks about driving over to her house to see if he can see the tell-tale electronic glow coming through her windows that he realizes that he’s officially gone crazy. This isn’t PAM. Only he’s sad and pathetic enough to hang out listening to strangers analyze his choices. He’s the loser that can’t deal with real life…can’t appreciate the great girl he actually is dating all because he can’t let go of the past.  

FlonkerTed: I want to know what happens to Dwight.

TeamJim: I bet he’ll be back.

SweaterGirl: Yeah, me too TJ. I can just picture how insufferable Andy would be without Dwight in the picture. Someone’s going to have to bring him down a peg or two, I think.

Just when he manages to convince himself that this isn’t PAM, she pulls something like this.

“It’s just a fucking coincidence,” he says out loud to the blinking microwave clock that he can never figure out how to set.

Of course it’s a coincidence. Anyone who watches the documentary and studies it as well as these online fans do could predict what she just said. It doesn’t take someone actually in the office to figure out how Andy would behave in the absence of Dwight. He decides to push her…just a little.

TeamJim: Maybe Jim and Pam could pull a prank on him.

SweaterGirl: I don’t think that Jim would be up for that anymore, though it would be fun to watch.

And the pendulum swings in the other direction. PAM would know that he’d be up for that, that he had been up for that.

FlonkerTed: I agree. And with that, I should really get to bed. Night SG and TJ.

TeamJim: Nite, Ted.

SweaterGirl: Thanks for everything, Ted.

FlonkerTed: My pleasure. It will be okay.

SweaterGirl: I know.

FlonkerTed has left Office_Chat/TheAnnex

TeamJim: What was all of that about?

SweaterGirl: All of what?

TeamJim: All of that with Ted.

SweaterGirl: He was just really nice to me tonight. Why? Jealous? 

TeamJim: Actually, a little.

SweaterGirl: Well, you have nothing to worry about. When it comes to sharing my deepest secrets and flirting online, you’re the only boy for me.

TeamJim: Wow. Flirting, huh?

SweaterGirl: Yup. I guess if you’re asking, though, I haven’t been doing it too well.

And there’s the pendulum again. There’s no way this is Pam, but God, he wishes it was.

TeamJim: Trust me. You’ve been doing just fine.

SweaterGirl: Thanks.You know, we were talking about something interesting before.

TeamJim: Yeah, what’s that?

SweaterGirl: Someone brought up that with Dwight fired, he’d have a lot of time on his hands and that maybe he’d start hanging out online and wouldn’t it be funny if he showed up here?

TeamJim: In disguise?

SweaterGirl: Maybe. What do you think his screen name would be? 

TeamJim: DwightKShrute?

SweaterGirl: LOL. That sounds just like Dwight. It would just be funny if other “cast” members were here.

Why are his cheeks turning hot, as if he’s been caught?

TeamJim: What do you mean?

SweaterGirl: Well, for all I know, you could be JIM :)

TeamJim: Well…that’s an interesting thought there.

SweaterGirl: But of course, JIM wouldn’t be here.

TeamJim: Why is that?

SweaterGirl: He’s got a beautiful girlfriend. He has no reason to be here.

TeamJim: Well, if I could be JIM, you could be PAM.

If he were speaking, instead of typing, he knows his words would be tinged with accusation. He waits to see what her response will be, wondering if this will be the moment when he can start trusting hope again.

SweaterGirl: LOL. I think the late hour is getting to the both of us. JIM and PAM both have much better things to do than hanging out with losers like us in the wee hours of the morning.

He should have known better.

TeamJim: Yeah. You’re right.

SweaterGirl: So, I know that you usually have all of that end-of-the-week stuff to take care of on Friday, but maybe we could “get together” Saturday night?

He’s told her that Fridays are big nights at the Subway to disguise the fact that those are usually the nights he stays over at Karen’s.

TeamJim: Probably.

SweaterGirl: Is everything okay?

TeamJim: Yeah. Everything’s fine. I’m just tired.

SweaterGirl: Well, then get some sleep. Things are easier when you get a good night’s sleep.

TeamJim: Okay. Goodnight, Pam.

SweaterGirl: Goodnight, Jim.

TeamJim has left Office_Chat TheAnnex

He doesn’t know what to think any more. His mind reels with the possibilities and logically arranges the options:

1.   She’s just some nice girl from West Virginia with tremendous insight into what she sees on television and if he told her he was really JIM she’d turn into a fangirl and he’d lose her friendship too.

2.   She’s actually PAM and she doesn’t know he’s JIM and rather than repair their real relationship, she’s picking up strangers online.

3.   She’s actually PAM and she knows that he’s JIM and she’s afraid to admit that to him out of fear.

4.   She’s actually PAM and she knows that he’s JIM and this is some sort of cruel, cruel joke.

5.   … … ….

Maybe if he invested this much thought and energy into his real relationship, he wouldn’t be in deep shit with Karen right now and he  could actually move on. Though he decides to really think about what Karen had to say and formulate honest responses, as he lies down on his bed, still fully clothed, his thoughts continue to battle each other.

Ask her. Tell her. Leave it alone. Stop coming to chat. Tell the truth. She is PAM. She isn’t PAM.

Right before he finally surrenders to sleep, the only thing he knows for sure is that he completely understands the urge to slam your fist through a wall.

“Hey, Brian? Can I ask you something?” She pops her head into the conference room where he’s packing up his gear at the end of another day of filming. It’s been a long and emotionally trying one. Everyone, including that horrible Ben Franklin impersonator has left and she’s alone with her favorite cameraman.

“Anything, Pam, what’s up?”

She nervously walks over to where he’s coiling his cables loosely around his fist. She takes a seat on the chair closest to where he’s squatting and clears her throat. She’s been working up the courage to talk to him about something that’s been weighing heavy on her mind.

“You seem to know your way around the network chat site. I mean, you made that special room where my…um...sister and I could talk.”

“Well, I know a little.”

“I was just wondering if there was a way you could tell who someone really was. I mean, if I gave you a screen name, could you find out their actual identity?”

“Is someone bothering you on there?” He stands suddenly, his fingers gripping some sort of power strip so hard that his knuckles are white.

“No, it’s nothing like that. I was just wondering….”

And she has been wondering. She knows that this is just a foolish hunch or the kind of daydreams thirteen-year-olds have. It’s like when she used to imagine Jim storming through the church doors to save her from her wedding. It’s a stupid wish. She knows that there’s no way that Jim is JIM, but part of her wonders all the same…part of her wishes.

“Well, when you register for the system, you can put in any name you want to, so if someone wanted to hide their identity, we couldn’t find them.  I guess if we checked whenever this person is actually online, we could maybe get an IP address and that would give you at least a general idea of where the person is. Does that help?”

So there really is no way to know for certain short of asking him and she can’t figure out a way to come out of that conversation with her dignity in one piece if she’s wrong about this. And to be honest, the odds are stacked against her being right.

“It’s okay. Just me being silly again….”

“Pam, you aren’t being silly. Just let me know if you need this done, okay?”

“I will.” She looks down at her hands and sighs.

“Rough day, huh?”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

“Anything you want to talk about?”

She does want to talk about it…with someone real. She’s been hiding behind her screen name and expending all sorts of energy to hide her real life in some sort of Appalachian shadow.

“Well, I suppose you know that Karen talked to me.”

“Yeah.  Lenny caught that one, though, but he told me about it.”

“I just didn’t know what to say to her, you know? Technically, it isn’t any of my business.”

“Well, I’d say it became your business when Jim told her that he still had feelings for you.”

“What?”

“Ah…Isn’t that part of what she told you?” His voice is low and hesitant and his eyes focus somewhere outside of the blinds.

“She told me that Jim told her what happened between the two of us. Brian, what do you know that I don’t?”

“Well, I suppose the cat is already out of the bag. Last week…at the party? She asked him if he still had feelings for you and he said that he did.”

“You’re sure about this?”

“Positive. I was the one filming it.”

“Well, that’s something she neglected to mention.”

And there it is again..the awful feeling that she’s the last to know.  Everyone has their noses pressed so close against the fishbowl that is her life that she can’t see what’s going on around her.  Nothing of the real world can sink in and she’s left floating about aimlessly, searching for something true to hang onto.

She’s angry now, when before she was merely hurt. How is it that he can tell the cameras what he’s feeling? How can he tell Karen how he feels about her when he can’t even talk to her anymore? Sure they’ve gotten friendly again, but their relationship doesn’t go past the congenial co-worker category. And everyone else fucking knows that he still has feelings for her or they will when that chapter of her life airs.

“Pam, I’m sorry. I didn’t know she didn’t tell you….”

She cuts him off, her tone harsher than it should be.

“So, that’s just it, huh? He has feelings for me? Did he say what he was going to do about them?”

“Um, no…he didn’t.” Brian shrugs and absentmindedly fiddles with the lock on his sound equipment case.

She remembers the way Karen and Jim left that evening…him waiting and holding her bag while she shrugged into her coat…the way she leaned into him and reminded him that they had plans before planting a quick peck on his cheek. Obviously the fact that he had feelings for Pam had done nothing to derail what he had going with Karen.  He probably told her that he had feelings of pity or contempt for her. Surely, he couldn’t still feel the way he claimed he did last May and act the way he’s been acting.

But if this is the case…if he’s got “feelings” for her, but he’s still with Karen, why would he be hanging out in a chat-room pretending to be a Subway manager in New Hampshire?

The answer to that question is simple.

He’s doing it for the same reasons she’s creating episodes of Hillbilly Hospital to cover her identity. She knows it's over but she can't let go.  Keeping up with all of this exhausts her and she slumps against the side of the table.

“I’m sorry, Brian, it’s not your fault. It’s just…”

“I know, Pam. I know.”

“Why does it have to be so hard?”

“I don’t know. You guys just…. I don’t know.  Hey, do you want to go get a drink or something? Maybe help you unwind a little…put today behind you?”

She thinks about her empty apartment and the laptop sitting on her night-stand.  Tonight, she wants something real…something honest. She wants to be herself, not Pam Bauer.

“Yeah, that will be nice. Let me grab my stuff.”

====

For the first time in five days, Jim lets himself into his apartment before the evening news has started. He had taken Karen out for a dinner to celebrate the fact that they had survived their first bumpy patch and had pleaded with her for an early night. He knew she hadn’t been getting much sleep either, so he wasn’t surprised when she agreed to have him drop her off at her place.

He’s in that over-tired state now, though, when he knows that he couldn’t sleep if he tried. He’s got too much on his mind for that anyway.

Take, for instance, Pam’s odd monologue today in the break room, extolling the benefits of a good night’s sleep. It was pretty much the same thing someone had said to him in chat the other night. Was she trying to give him a clue? Was she daring him to call her on it? Was she daring him to tell her the truth about himself?

At least he’s figured out why he fought so hard to salvage his relationship with Karen…why he told her the things he knew she wanted to hear out of him. Karen doesn’t play games. She wants to be with him and she tells him that…repeatedly. Karen knows what she wants and she’s not afraid of it. She’s the complete opposite of Pam. And truth be told, of himself.

What he has with Karen doesn’t take any figuring out or overanalyzing. She’s free with her feelings and she wants him. That’s refreshing.

Yeah, it's so refreshing that he can’t sleep and he’s rooting around in his cupboards for something alcoholic to numb his overworked mind. He finds some Captain Morgan and grabs a half-full two liter bottle of diet coke from the fridge. He pours the spiced rum into the cola and gently shakes the mixture together. So classy, it’s almost Bond-like.  He chuckles at his own pathetic-ness as he pours a large glass of the caramel colored mixture and takes a swig.

He grabs his laptop and places it on the coffee table. After arranging the pillows on the floor, he sinks down, extends his legs under the table and logs onto the chat-room. He’s feeling like he wants answers tonight and if he can’t have them, he’ll settle for a little closure.

======

“Pam, are you sure you’re going to be okay?”

“Brian. You’ve taken me home and walked me to the door of my apartment. I’m just a little tipsy. I’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry.”

“Okay. It’s just, you were a little unsteady on your feet before.”

“I’m going to go right to bed. I promise.”

“Well, if you promise….”

“Brian, I had fun tonight. Really.”

And she did. Talking about things other than her own messed up love life was the change of pace she needed. Brian told her stories about some other reality shows he had worked on. Her favorites were stories about the season he had shot The Bachelor. He teased her about creepy Ben Franklin and she had had a really nice time.

“I had fun too. Pam, I….”

And she’s seen this look before on a guy’s face…this hopeful sort of intensity that’s holding back some sort of life-changing confession. She doesn’t want to ruin the evening so she presses her index finger to his lips.

“Brian. Please.” Her voice cracks, just a little. “I’ve got too much to try to figure out. I had a nice time tonight, really, but…”

He nods because he, better than anyone knows what…or rather who is standing between the two of them.

“Okay, Pam…but just know….”

“I do know.  Okay?” She stands on her tiptoes and presses her lips briefly against his before turning into her apartment and shutting the door.

She stands there in the dark for a minute before forcefully pulling her arms out of her coat and throwing it across the room.  She hears it disturb the crystals on her light fixture before landing on a plant somewhere over hear the windows.

She wants to hit something or someone, so she flairs her leg out and kicks the side of her sofa. A shooting pain rears up through top of her foot.

“Owww. Dammit!” She curses into the darkness.            

What the hell is wrong with her? There’s a sweet, funny guy out there who thinks the Earth revolves around her and she’s pushing him away because she still has hope that something could happen with a guy who already has a great girlfriend. It’s so bad that she’s been fantasizing that he’s been making up stories and lies to talk to her in secret online.  God, she’s pathetic.  And even if Jim isn’t really JIM the only reason she feels drawn to him is because reminds her of the guy she sees every day…the guy who used to be  in love with her, but isn’t any more.

She stumbles into her bedroom, the shots she had done with Brian still making her feel tingly and a little bit brave.  That’s a scary combination, but her anger makes her feel like she can play with fire and come out ahead.

She flips open her laptop and hits the shortcut key on her desktop.

SweaterGirl has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

ICanJim: Yeah, and I’d like to run my fingers through that hair.

TeamJim: Interesting. Really.

ICanJim: You really don’t want to pretend, do you?

SweaterGirl: Oh, honey. He saves all of his pretending for me.

ICanJim: Hey, we were in the middle of something.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Are you really? In the middle of something?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: God, no. I was just hanging out in here hoping you’d show up. I’m a little drunk and didn’t have the energy to explain that to her.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Sure. Why don’t you meet me in the Supply Closet?

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: With pleasure.

TeamJim has left Office_Chat/TheAnnex

SweaterGirl has left Office_Chat/TheAnnex

TeamJim has entered Office_Chat/SupplyCloset

SweaterGirl has entered Office_Chat/SupplyCloset

TeamJim: So….

SweaterGirl: So. You’re here early for a Friday.

TeamJim: Work got done early so…. What have you been up to? 

SweaterGirl: I kind of had a date.

She hates being this kind of girl, but the tequila in her system keeps telling her that jealousy might flush him out of his secret identity.

TeamJim: Wow. A date. That’s great. With who?

SweaterGirl: I’m sure it’s nobody you know.

TeamJim: Well, of course. You are the only person I know in West Virginia. So, you just got home from your date and rushed in here to talk to me?

SweaterGirl: Something like that.

TeamJim: Well, I’m glad. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.

SweaterGirl: What a coincidence. There’s something I want to ask you as well.

TeamJim: Oh, so we’re in for a night of revelation, are we?

SweaterGirl: Something like that. You go first. I’m waiting. 

   TeamJim: Well, I’m glad. There’s something I’ve been meaning to ask you.

SweaterGirl: What a coincidence. There’s something I want to ask you as well.

TeamJim: Oh, so we’re in for a night of revelation, are we?

SweaterGirl: Something like that. You go first. I’m waiting. 

He takes a swig of his makeshift cocktail (he’s forgone the glass and is drinking right from the 2 liter bottle now) and wonders how to ask what it is that he so desperately wants to know…what he needs to know. Nothing he can come up with seems right:

“Hey, I’m really Jim Halpert and I was wondering if you might be  Pam Beesly?”

“Does the name ‘Ben Franklin’ have any special significance to you?”

“Pam? Why?”

“Pam? Please.”

SweaterGirl: Still waiting….

TeamJim: Just hold on a second. If I had known we were going to go down this road, I wouldn’t have had so much to drink.

While the liquor has given him a limited amount of courage, it’s also made him loose…willing to divulge all of his secrets with just the tiniest bit of prompting from her. He’s buzzed to the point where he needs to make sure that he watches what he types. One slip of the finger and he’ll lose control of the situation and it’s imperative that he. maintain. control. As he checks over what he’s already typed, looking for cracks where the truth could come trickling out, she types exactly what he’s been thinking.  It’s as if she’s reading his mind…hell, when isn’t she?

SweaterGirl: Well, you know alcohol loosens lips and lets the truth pour out.  I guess in this case, though, that it would have to loosen your typing fingers instead of your lips. LOL.  I need to remember that as well, because I’m currently fueled by tequila shooters.

TeamJim: Well, then. That levels the playing field. You think I’ve been keeping things from you?

SweaterGirl: Honestly, Jim. I don’t know what to think.

And just like that, she changes everything.

There’s been a semi-hostile charge in their banter so far this evening, but when she uses his name she reminds him that this is real or rather, that it could be real…that he’s not just a character he’s constructed out of thin air,  and he’s not even the legendary JIM he pretends to be a fan of. He’s just...well Jim. And seeing her type his name opens old wounds and makes him ache anew in places where he was convinced he had built up considerable scar tissue.

He pauses for a few seconds, trying to put into words what he’s feeling. Finally, he hits the return key without finishing his sentence because that’s the only thing he knows for sure right now. He doesn’t know what to do, what to think. He doesn’t want to hurt her, doesn’t want to embarrass himself, doesn’t want to embarrass her, doesn’t want to face rejection, doesn’t want to be an asshole to Karen, doesn’t want to be That Guy, doesn’t want to waste any more time, doesn’t want to hurt any more.

He just doesn’t.

And at this point, he doesn’t even want to know for sure if she is PAM. His emotions are so wrapped around this person, whoever she is, that it doesn’t matter if she’s in West Virginia or across town. All he knows is that he aches for Pam and it doesn’t matter if this is real or not.

It just doesn’t.

SweaterGirl: Hey, listen. This is kind of weird. Why don’t we just hang out for a little while?

TeamJim: That’s an excellent suggestion.

SweaterGirl: How about this? Why don’t you ask me anything you want except for the question you were going to lead with? I promise to answer…truthfully.

TeamJim: Anything?

SweaterGirl: Yup. I just opened up a bottle of wine to get the taste of tequila out of my mouth.

TeamJim: You’re going to be a hurting unit tomorrow.

Sweatergirl: Well, that’s tomorrow. I’m more interested in tonight. Go ahead…ask.

And this is his opportunity to try to find a way to push his way through this…to end his longing, to help him move on.

TeamJim: Why don’t you tell me about your date?

 SweaterGirl: What do you want to know?

TeamJim:  Just the basics…who…what…where…when…how… 

And almost reluctantly, he types the final descriptor.

TeamJim: why…

TeamJim: And remember, you promised honesty.

SweaterGirl: I don’t know that I could make anything up tonight. Okay. Who:  A guy from work.

TeamJim: Name? Job?

SweaterGirl: His name is Brian and he’s a tech. I don’t even know if it was technically a date. We went to a bar, had some drinks and some laughs and he took me home.

His fuzzy mind tries to process this information. She told him that she would tell him the truth and he has no reason to believe she’s not telling the truth now. Do they have techs at doctor’s offices? Maybe like an xray guy or the technician who deals with blood samples? That makes sense. There are no techs at the office…unless…Brian…the camera guy who doubles as a production technician. He’s a nice guy…a really nice guy. He’s good looking in that goatee’d film school kind of way and lately he and Pam have been talking a lot….

Wow.

TeamJim: That’s it?

SweaterGirl: And I kissed him goodnight. Satisfied?

TeamJim: You need to tell me why.

SweaterGirl: Honestly, I think I wanted something real and honest and to stop thinking about my life and this stupid show and make a connection with someone who I can get close to.

TeamJim: I thought we were close.

SweaterGirl: We are. As close as we can be on these computers. I guess I just wanted to be near someone I could touch, you know?

TeamJim: Yeah, I know.

And he does know. That’s part of the reason that he talked his way out of the hole he had dug with Karen. Late at night, when he sinks into her and she brushes his hair out of his eyes and moans his name, he knows that he at least matters to someone real.

SweaterGirl: Okay. My turn.

TeamJim: For what?

SweaterGirl: To ask a question. It’s only fair, don’t you think?

TeamJim: Yeah, I guess it is. Be gentle. I think I’ve downed an entire liter.

SweaterGirl: Liter?

TeamJim: Don’t ask. It’s pathetic. Unless you’d like for that to be your question.

SweaterGirl: Not a chance.  Are you seeing anyone? And remember, you have to be honest.

His head is swimming and he’s having a hard time keeping track of the conversation. Not because he can’t read the screen, or because he doesn’t understand the questions, but because somewhere along the way, it’s like he’s forgotten his Subway manager persona and has just started talking like him. It’s as if they’ve agreed to give up the pretense…to just go with the assumption that they both know that they both know. If that’s the case, then she deserves honesty.

TeamJim: Yes.

SweaterGirl: I take it it’s serious?

TeamJim: Yes.

SweaterGirl: I figured. I don’t think any sub shop has important meetings late on Friday nights.

TeamJim: You’ve got me figured out. Do you want the details?

This is it. One of those cracks where the truth comes out. God, he has to stop thinking in metaphors or Leonard Cohen lyrics. Though old Lenny said that cracks let the light in and while some light would stop the charades, he’s pretty comfortable here in the dark. He looks up to see her answer and doesn’t know if he’s relieved or terrified by what he sees there.

SweaterGirl: Not really, but I’ll settle for the “why”.

TeamJim: Well, it’s complicated.

SweaterGirl: Somehow, I think it’s actually pretty simple, Jim.

TeamJim:  When you put it that way, I guess it is. Let’s just say that I was hurt, badly… and went into a pretty dark hole. You know, one of those where you can’t eat and you can’t sleep and all you do is ache? 

SweaterGirl: Yeah. I know.

TeamJim: And I thought I would never get out until I realized that I had to choose to climb up. It was a hard choice, but I guess something deep down inside of me wanted to survive.

SweaterGirl: I’m glad about that.

TeamJim: And when I climbed out, she was there. It was a fresh start and it…she was what I needed. She was real and she didn’t know about my scars and it was…easy.

It’s funny how easy it is to say these things to her like this. It’s like a confessional, almost. Of course, that means that there will probably be penance.

SweaterGirl: Do you love her?

And he doesn’t have to think…doesn’t have to try to find a way to put it so that it doesn’t hurt her. He just says the truth.

TeamJim: I want to.

And there’s silence for a while, just a curser, blinking in against a white screen daring one of them to say something…to say anything.

SweaterGirl: Wow. I asked you a lot of questions.

TeamJim: It’s okay, really.

SweaterGirl: I guess it’s your turn. I don’t think I’m ready for your big question, though.

TeamJim: Me either. Let me think.

He wants something light and fun, but doesn’t want to break the personal connection.

TeamJim: Okay, let’s say I came to visit you in…where you live. What could we do for fun?

SweaterGirl: For fun?

TeamJim: You know…dinner? Bowling? Dancing?

SweaterGirl: Oh God, not dancing. I’m an incredibly dorky dancer.

TeamJim: Really? And how do you know this?

SweaterGirl: Trust me, I’ve seen tapes. It’s not pretty.

He wonders if they’ve seen the same tapes of her waving her arms to the music at a Hindu celebration a few months back. If that’s the case, then she is far from dorky.

TeamJim: Okay, so if dancing is out of the question, what then? 

SweaterGirl: Well, then, I’d just like the chance to talk with you…for real. And maybe ice cream or steak could be involved.

TeamJim: Or both?

SweaterGirl: Definitely both. Ready for another question?

TeamJim: Sure.

SweaterGirl: It’s kind of a weird one.

TeamJim: I’m half in the bag, I can deal with weird.

SweaterGirl: Okay. I was just wondering...since we got to talking in this chat room about a television show and there aren’t a lot of guys and the ones that do come to the room all seem to be hot for PAM.

TeamJim: Is there a question in there somewhere?

SweaterGirl: I was just wondering…in your male opinion, if you thought PAM was pretty.

Again, it’s a moment of complete clarity and complete honesty.

TeamJim: I think she’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

TeamJim: And of course, that makes me a scary!fan.

SweaterGirl: I think it makes you sweet.

TeamJim: What about you, do you think JIM is as hunky as Cindy does?

SweaterGirl: He’s got a certain charm and goofy good looks. ; )

TeamJim: Not ruggedly handsome?

SweaterGirl: Only when he wears a certain brown sweater.

And he tries to wrack his brain to remember if he’s ever worn the worn brown sweater in something that has filmed and aired, but he can’t focus on his wardrobe. His two-liter is empty and the walls are spinning and then she goes ahead and changes everything again.

SweaterGirl: You know before, when we were talking about needing someone to touch?

TeamJim: Yeah?

SweaterGirl: If JIM were here…with me now, I’d touch him.

And he knows that it’s just her wine speaking through her, but he’s at the point where he just doesn’t give a damn.

TeamJim: Tell me.

SweaterGirl: Huh?

TeamJim: Tell me how you’d touch him.

SweaterGirl: I was wondering when our online relationship would take this turn. All the kids are doing it, aren’t they?

But he doesn’t want banter anymore and he doesn’t want honesty, he just wants to feel.

TeamJim: Pam…please.

SweaterGirl: Only if you tell me how you would touch PAM if she were there with you.

TeamJim: Anything.

SweaterGirl: His face. I’d start with his face. It’s late and he gets this really scruffy looking stubble at night when he doesn’t shave and I’d want to run my fingers across it…down his jaw line. It looks rough, but I imagine it would be soft.

His fingers reach up and trace the edge of his jaw. She’s right about the stubble.

TeamJim: If PAM were here, I’d want to touch her hair. I’d reach over and unclip the barrette and let her hair fall down over her shoulders. I’d run my fingers through it and it would be loose and fluffy and I’d lean in to smell it because it smells so fresh…so PAM.

SweaterGirl: He’s got these incredibly broad shoulders and I’d run my hands over them and feel the muscles underneath them.

 TeamJim: Wow. You must be tall.

SweaterGirl: Shut up…he’s sitting, okay. Kind of like you’re probably sitting in front of your computer.

TeamJim: Actually, I’m on the floor, leaning up against my couch.

SweaterGirl: Well, if JIM here sitting like you’re sitting, then I’d be on the couch…behind him and I’d run my hands over his shoulders and press my palms against his chest.

TeamJim: Where are you now?

SweaterGirl: I’m in bed…propped up on some pillows.

TeamJim: Well, if PAM were in bed like you, I’d lie down next to her and press my body up against her. I’d trace my fingers down her arm and then rub my thumb in circles on the inside of her wrist.

SweaterGirl: He’s got this freckle on his neck that drives me crazy. I look at it all the time wondering what it would be like to press my lips over it.

TeamJim: You wouldn’t have to wonder.

SweaterGirl: Exactly. I could keep rubbing his chest and lean over to kiss his neck…right over the freckle.

He can feel her lips there, wants her lips there. Despite the alcohol and the exhaustion, he feels himself start to harden and strain against his pants.

TeamJim: I’d lean in closer and kiss her right behind her ear. She’s got these delicate tiny ears and I’d press my mouth just beneath one. I could feel her pulse throbbing with my lips.

SweaterGirl: Speaking of mouths, I’d want to kiss him. I have a pretty good idea of what it would be like, but lately, it’s all I can think about. I’d probably have to scoot next to him on the floor, and turn his head toward mine, but I’d want it to start soft…our lips barely grazing but I don’t think I could hold myself back from pressing closer to him.

TeamJim: I know exactly what you mean. I’d kiss her the same way…cupping her face between my hands, letting my tongue trace over her lips.

SweaterGirl: And my hands would be roaming downward, pulling his shirt out of his pants, so that I could slide my palms up his torso and feel his skin…feel his chest hair…feel the muscles rippling in his chest.

TeamJim: I think you’re giving him a little more credit than is due, I mean, the dude is tall, but he isn’t exactly a body builder.

SweaterGirl: Oh be quiet, this is my fantasy. You can give PAM 3 boobs in yours if you like.

TeamJim: Actually, the two she has are just fine and speaking of them, as we kiss, I’d move a hand lower to cup one, to feel its weight and to tease the nipple between my fingers.

SweaterGirl: Mmmmmm. I think she’d appreciate that. Wait. Is she clothed?

TeamJim: Funny you should ask that. We just magically lost all of our clothes. It’s very important for me to feel her skin, pressed up against mine. She’s so soft and I want to touch her everywhere.

SweaterGirl: Yes. And I want to touch you everywhere.

TeamJim: Me? What happened to JIM?

SweaterGirl: I want you, Jim. I want to touch you. I want you to need me. I want you to want me.

And his skin is humming and his cock is throbbing and it’s all he can do to type, so he forgoes the clichéd Cheap Trick joke and lets her know what he wants.

TeamJim: I want you too, Pam.

And she echoes his words from earlier back at him.

SweaterGirl: Tell me.

And so he does. And she does. Alternating lines of wishes and desires flash across the screen. He tells her where he’d place his lips, she counters with a description of how her hand would brush against him there.  He tells her how he’d use his fingers, she describes what she’d do with her mouth. He lets her know how hard she makes him and she types out exactly how her body is responding to his touch. He’s burning. She’s aching. He wants. She needs.

In the moments when he’s not typing, he reaches down and frees himself from his pants, closes his eyes and wraps his hand around his erection. He does his best to forget that this…his palm sliding up and down his own cock…this is the only part of this that’s real. But when he opens his eyes and reads her words:

SweaterGirl: I want to feel you inside of me, Jim.

He can forget because in that moment, there’s only her and he has to let her know what she does to him…what she means to him, because this is the only way he can.

So he tells her what it’s like to feel her enveloping him, what it’s like to lean his lips into her neck. How his hips buck and his toes curl. And she tells him how she needs more…how she needs all of him. How her fingers rake up against his back and how the curls at the nape of his neck feel under her fingers.

When the end comes, their words peter out until there is only…

TeamJim: Wow.

SweaterGirl: Yeah.

And a sticky mess under his palm.

He doesn’t bother to ask her if she was engaged in activity similar to his because he knows she was and there’s no point in bringing it up.

SweaterGirl: So…I guess this changes some things.

TeamJim: For us?

SweaterGirl: For everything.

TeamJim:  What do you mean?

SweaterGirl: Just, Jim…come tomorrow, when we sober up and shower, we’re in the same place we’ve always been. This wasn’t real…it was just a manifestation of fantasies we’ve had hundreds of times. At least that’s what it was for me. But now it’s a thousand times more awkward.

TeamJim: Pam…it doesn’t have to be.

SweaterGirl: No, it doesn’t…but it is.

SweaterGirl: And you’re with someone and I can respect that. Heck, I’m grateful to her for pulling you out of the darkness, but Jim…I don’t feel any braver. I don’t feel like more of a risk taker. I just feel more of me, but more alone. I’m sorry.

TeamJim: But…I guess... I don’t know what to say.

SweaterGirl: That’s the problem, isn’t it? We never do. After all of those things I said to you…the things I did while saying them, I don’t have the fucking courage to ask you the one question that still needs to be asked because I’m afraid. Because this has been wonderful and meaningful, but it hasn’t been real…and if I ask you that one question…if I confirm what my heart is pretty sure it already knows for sure…then I lose that. I lose the hope and that’s what’s been getting me through every day.

TeamJim: Pam….

SweaterGirl: Tell me that it isn’t any different for you. Can you ask me the one question you want? Because if you can, then I’ll answer it…and then I’d lose you.

TeamJim: You wouldn’t.

SweaterGirl: Jim, it has to be real and we can’t be afraid of it and until then…this is all we have and I can’t lose it…or the memory of it. I can’t ask you. I’m sorry. But I can’t.

He knows that if anyone but them were to read this conversation, they’d be confused.  They’d shake their head and wonder why they both were being so stupid, why they couldn’t just drop the charade and step out into the truth.

And the logical part of him wonders the same things, but his heart…his heart knows why. Because out there, outside of this chat room, are the things they haven’t dealt with.

Hurt.

Rejection.

Loneliness.

Betrayal.

Lies.

Trust.

I Can’t.

Stamford.

Karen.

They’ve been safe and protected here in their little fantasy world and until one of them can find a way to make it real…this is where they’ll have to stay.

TeamJim: I understand. I can’t either. Not here. Not now.

SweaterGirl: It’s really late.

TeamJim: Yeah. Will I see you here again?

SweaterGirl: Actually, I have a wedding tomorrow night. I guess we’ll see what happens?

TeamJim: I guess we will.

SweaterGirl: Goodnight, Jim

TeamJim: Goodnight, Pam.

SweaterGirl: Jim?

TeamJim: Still here.

SweaterGirl: If JIM were here with me, I'd tell him that I love him and that I want him to be happy.

SweaterGirl has left Office_Chat/SupplyCloset

TeamJim: I love you too, Pam. I'm just afraid it isn't enough.

TeamJim hs left Office_Chat/SupplyCloset   

f
Lensman: Pam?

HoneyBees: Hey. I noticed you didn’t come into work today.

Lensman: I figured that would be best for everyone.

HoneyBees: Brian, I’m sorry you felt you had to leave the other night.  And I wish I could talk to you about this in person. I tried to call you yesterday.

Lensman: Pam. Really. You have nothing to be sorry for. I went into it fully aware of everything and the last thing I wanted to do was to cause you any more hurt. I don't have any regrets. Honestly.

HoneyBees:  Brian, don’t you understand? The only thing that is causing me hurt is that you might think I was using you? I care about you a lot and the last thing I wanted to do was…well what happened. You know? I wish I could make this right.

Lensman: You don’t owe me anything, but if you insist, let’s just drop it, okay? What happened happened and I'm okay with that.

HoneyBees: Okay.

She leans back in her chair and takes in the quiet office. There’s no Jim and no Karen. Phyllis is on her honeymoon and Michael is claiming to still be hung over. Dwight has gone on a tomato juice run in solidarity with his boss and things are really subdued. She wishes that weren’t the case. She wants phones ringing and the hum of voices to distract her from her thoughts. She wouldn’t mind if Michael went on a manic sugar high or tried to hit on Ryan or something to occupy her mind other than memories of the wedding reception on Saturday night.

It had started out just fine. She was a little peeved to see that Phyllis had stolen all of her ideas for the wedding and for a few minutes, she allowed herself to walk down the aisle of “what if” and to visualize Roy in a tux and herself with a wreath of flowers in her hair.  That didn’t last for long, though. She had other regrets to keep her company.

He was sitting across the flower-draped aisle, Karen nestled up to him. His face was pale and he looked as if he had done a second-rate job of shaving that morning. Thinking back on it, she decides that he looked drained and used up…probably how she looked as well. Another piece of evidence that despite her inability to ask her question in chat, she’s convinced she knows the answer.

She allowed herself to make eye-contact with him once and realized immediately that it was a mistake.

The ache and hunger she had shared with Jim in chat on Friday night was all right there emanating from JIM’s eyes, drawing her in and pushing her away at the same time. She knew that she had been right to trust her instincts…to not push for answers.  She wasn’t ready to deal with this outside of the chat-room, where feelings and emotions were real and tangible and charged the air between them. There was no fiber-optic buffer and no way to remove pained and accusatory intonation from any word that was spoken.

He knew it too. She could see that. He broke the connection in their gaze with a weary pop of his left eyebrow and an almost imperceptible shrug of his shoulders. He turned his head away and Karen whispered something in his ear and let out a low and husky giggle. Jim just looked straight ahead.

His mood didn’t improve at dinner either. Neither of them could eat a bite, they merely pushed the food around on their plates. She had the chicken. He had the fish.

She thought nobody noticed; that everyone was distracted by Michael’s antics and the festive atmosphere, but when Jim excused himself to go to the restroom during dessert, Karen’s eyes followed him out the door and then turned to Pam and Kelly.

“Do either of you know what’s going on with Jim? He’s been quiet and distant all day.”

Tired of lies, she merely moved her head in a noncommittal way. Kelly, though, had other ideas.

“Oh my God, Karen. I totally know what’s going on with Jim!”

Both Pam’s and Karen’s heads tilted up expectantly toward Kelly.

“When a guy gets like this at a wedding, it means that he’s thinking about commitment and settling down. I bet you anything Jim proposes to you tonight! Can I be a bridesmaid? Please?”

“Kelly, I don’t think that’s it, do you Pam?” There was something in the way Karen drawled her words…a question? An accusation? A plea?

“Probably not, but you never know. Kelly’s the expert on guys. Hey,  I need to get a drink. Anyone want anything?”

She didn’t wait to see what their answers would be.  She needed to move, so she headed for the bar.

That’s where he found her.

That’s where they tried:

“When are we going to get to see some of those famous Beesly dance moves?”

“Oh... I'm pacing myself.”

“Come on. Get out there. Give the people what they want.”

“ No. I'm such a dorky dancer.”

“I know. It's very cute.”

And that’s where they failed. The plastic smiles vanished from their faces. Neither of them reacted to the rehashed conversation. Neither of them was willing or able to come clean.

“Jim…”

“I know. It isn’t working, is it?”

“Nope.”

“You know, I thought after…after some time had passed, we might be able to get back to where we were before I left.  But I don’t know what to say to you and I don’t know what you could say to me to…fix all of this. And there’s Karen to think about. I guess this time, I’m the one to say that I can’t.”

“Jim. You aren’t the only one. I’m just as messed up.”

He sighed then and took a sip of his drink.

“Karen’s worried about you, you know?”

“Yeah. That’s something else I’m messing up.”

“Jim, you can’t let me…”

For the first time in the awkward conversation, he turned toward her and met her eyes.

“Let you what, Pam? Isn’t it a little late for that?” And he could have been talking about a hundred different things, but she’s was certain of what he meant.

“Just…Jim…I think you could love her, if you tried.” She didn't know why she said that...she still doesn't. They're both miserable and they don't have to be. It's like she was giving him permission...letting him know that she had no hold on him.

By echoing the wish Jim uttered in chat, she practically dared him to out her…to accuse her of being privy to things only his chat friend would know.  She wanted him to, so badly.

It’s took everything she had to hold herself together and to say these things to him. She meant it last night when she said that she wanted JIM to be happy. In a way, she needs for him to be happy, because if he can be, then there’s still hope for her.

“Well, then PAM, you have a lot more faith in me than I do.”

As he walked away, she was sure she could hear the capital letters in his voice. 

She had remained rooted to the spot at the bar, even as Jim walked back toward Karen, bent and asked her to dance. His eyes never left her own as he held his girlfriend at arm’s length and swayed to the soothing strains of Sting. Only when she felt a warm hand on her shoulder did she look away.

“Hey.”

“Hi, Brian. You look nice, aren’t you working?”

“Bob invited all of us. I had the shift at the church and now I’m finished.  It’s weird interacting with all of you without the camera.”

“I bet.”

“Hey, are you okay, Pam?”

She looked up at him; saw the wary smile on his face and the look of concern in his eyes.

“I want to be.”

“Well, do you want to dance?”

“You know what? I think I do.”

“Okay, let’s go.”

At first, they moved awkwardly around the floor, like 8th graders at a homecoming dance, but soon she fell into a rhythm with him that was new and warm and comforting. Little by little, the distance between them decreased, until her cheek was pressed against his chest and his arms encircled her waist. He was solid. He was sturdy. He was real.

When the music ended and he asked her if she wanted to get out of there, she nodded without hesitation.  She just let him grab her coat and lead her out of the reception hall.

It wasn’t until later, when they were naked and sweaty and spent in her bed that she began to shake uncontrollably. There were no tears, but her body spasmed  in waves of grief.

 She was letting go. 

He held her, smoothed her hair and made soothing noises in her ear until she became still, comforted by the reality of him, knowing she had someone she could lean on.

She turned, then, in his arms and saw the look in his eyes.

"Brian...."

"Ssshhhhhh. Just rest."

He didn’t say anything else. He just held her until she fell asleep. When she work in the morning, he was gone.

HoneyBees: Okay, I know I said I’d drop it, but there’s something I need you to know.

Lensman: What is that?

HoneyBees:  Though I’m sure that it may appear differently, I wasn’t using you…at least not in the way you might think. I needed YOU, Brian and despite how I acted after, and despite the magnitude of baggage I have,  I don’t regret what happened.

Lensman: I don’t either.

HoneyBees: Hey, I know that you have the day off, but maybe we could have dinner tonight?

Lensman: I’d like that.

HoneyBees: Meet me here at the end of the day?

Lensman: Deal.

HoneyBees: I should probably try to get some work done.

Lensman: Wait…just a second.

HoneyBees: What?

Lesnman: Let me read this. Shit.

Lensman: Have Jim or Karen mentioned anything about last night? About you or me?

HoneyBees: I don’t expect him to and it's none of his business what I do. It’s not like he cares. Besides, he’s not here today. She isn’t either. Why are you asking?

Her eyes leave the screen, distracted when Kelly comes squealing out of the annex, a computer printout in her hand.

“Pam! It’s all over the Internet! It’s on the gossip sites too. I don’t know how they know, but they do and wow…I did not know that you had it in you.”

She recognizes the layout of the page Kelly has printed as the message board frequented by many of her chat friends. Her heart starts to pound and even though she knows perfectly well what Kelly and Brian are going to tell her, she asks anyway.

“What, Kelly? What is it?”

“That you and the cameraman…the cute one that looks kind of like Jason Schwartzman…that you guys hooked up at the wedding! Does this mean you’ll be getting extra camera time? Are they going to include him in the documentary now? This is so cool. It’s like breaking down the 4th wall or whatever they call it. “

And as Kelly continues to chatter on, Pam knows for certain that her Internet chat-room habit needs to come to a screeching halt. The time for fantasy and alter egos is done. She needs to live in the real world for a while and see what it has to offer her.

SweaterGirl: And that’s pretty much it. I’m sorry that I lied to you guys. I mean, DunderHead when you hooked me up with that iVillage support group for difficult divorces, I felt so bad. I was touched by your concern, but…well, I guess all that I can say is that I’m sorry.

PamPong: Wow. Just give me a sec, okay?

FlonkerTed: I want to thank you for that, SG. I know that it took a lot of courage. You didn’t have to come here and tell us the truth. Especially after everything that’s happened.

SweaterGirl: Yes I did, Ted.

KevIsCool: It’s so weird, you know? I mean, we know so much about your personal life from the show. Just…yeah, what PP and Ted said.  Wow and Thanks.

SweaterGirl: Does this mean you are going to treat me differently?

DunderHead: Well, you are a celebrity! Just kidding. Honestly, I don’t know if you’re going to keep coming here, but one thing that will change for me is that I’m suddenly a hell of a lot more sensitive about the fact that what I’ve been watching is real. I’m sorry if I ever said anything that belittled your situation.

SweaterGirl: Please. There’s no need for that.

PamPong: You know what’s really weird? Remember a while ago when Cindy was on that tear? She was PMing everyone demanding to know if they were really Jim?  She was on to something. I mean, she had the wrong person, but she was on to something!

DunderHead: In hindsight, that was remarkably insightful for her.

SweaterGirl: Oh, I’m afraid part of that was my fault.

KevIsCool: How is that?

SweaterGirl: Well, TeamJim and I were getting a little fed up with her constant drooling over the real Jim so we kind of sent her an email telling her that she should be careful because Jim from the show was reading what she was writing and he was pissed.

PamPong: ROFL! That’s awesome. Evil, but awesome.  I love it.

DunderHead: Where is TJ tonight? He’s going to be upset that you missed this. Unless you’ve told him special? Wink. Wink.

FlonkerTed: I did ask him to join us.

SweaterGirl: You did?

FlonkerTed: Nods

SweaterGirl: That’s okay. He basically knows most of this already. At least he should.

PamPong: Wait…you aren’t telling us that TJ is????

DunderHead: After all the lusting we did, I’d die!!

SweaterGirl: Guys, I’m only here to tell my story tonight. I can’t speak for anyone else. I can only share my secrets.

PamPong: That’s cool.

KevIsCool: Really. Totally cool.

SweaterGirl: God, I was so nervous about this. I actually made notes. I really want to thank you guys for being so understanding.

DunderHead: The way I look at it, SG, is that we were all friends before you told us who you were…we’re still friends now.

PamPong: What she said. Is there anything we can do for you?

SweaterGirl: You guys have already done so much for me. I’d just appreciate it if you see anyone online spreading that crap about Brian that you set them straight. He’s a good guy and he wants to put this all behind him, so his silence on the matter is feeding those rumors.

PamPong: I’ve missed this. What’s the crap online?

SweaterGirl: There are some people who are saying that he was paid by the production company to “seduce” me. It makes me sick.

KevIsCool: I saw something like that on OG. I’ll set them straight…without revealing my source, of course.

SweaterGirl: Thanks. What happened between the two of us isn’t anyone’s business, but I can’t let that kind of stuff go on…not if I can help it.

PamPong: If we’re being honest, you should know that we did our fair share of speculating about that…about you.

SweaterGirl: As far as I’m concerned, that’s all in the past. Let’s just move forward.

FlonkerTed: That’s a great idea!

DunderHead: Okay. Speaking of moving forward and I am speaking as your friend and not a spoiler whore, how are things with you and Jim?  I figure we helped you went you were in disguise, we shouldn’t stop now.

SweaterGirl: To be honest, I don’t know how things are. We aren’t speaking. He’s ignoring me. He’s cut off all communication. His vacation is over in a few days, though, so we’ll see if he’s still not talking to me then.

PamPong: Is it true that he’s looking for a new job?

SweaterGirl: He has an interview in 2 days. And you know…I have to be okay with that. We’ve both hurt each other so much that the least I can do is let him go and find some happiness and some peace of mind. If that means getting out of Scranton for him, then I have to be okay with it. It doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt, but I’ll be okay.  If I’ve learned anything from this whole experience, it’s that I can handle pretty much whatever life throws at me…especially if I have friends.

FlonkerTed: You could tell him how you feel.

SweaterGirl: I tried that Ted (and there you are again, always nudging me :) ). Granted it was in email and he didn’t get it. I think that’s what kind of let me know that it was time to move on.

KevIsCool: You have to say something, though. Remember when I was having problems with my kids’ teacher and you told me that I had to speak up or everyone would go through the whole year being miserable? You were right. You have to say something.

SweaterGirl: Well, I did slip a little something into some paperwork that Toby was messengering to him for his interview. It’s just a little reminder that we used to be friends.

PamPong: That’s something.

SweaterGirl: At this point, it’s everything.

She sits back and studies her screen, takes a sip of the untouched glass of wine she had poured before logging on tonight. It turns out she didn’t need any external courage to come clean with her friends. She feels light and free…unburdened by the lies that she perpetuated. Even the act of typing her email to Jim took some weight off of her spirit. It was his choice not to hear from her. His loss, right? 

She feels emboldened and brave as if she’s just walked through fire or jumped out of a plane. She wishes he were here to share this. She wishes he could free himself as well. That’s a decision she can’t make for him, though.

There’s something to be said for chat room catharsis. It’s easy to lose yourself in the rhythm of scrolling words. When she’s here, she forgets about her surroundings and her mind turns off. Her fingers simply type what she feels. They type the truth.

TeamJim has entered Office_Chat/TheAnnex

It’s amazing how those words change the entire dynamic in the room. It’s as if he’s physically there among them…like when you’re talking about someone when they suddenly appear. A hush descends on the screen. No words move. The white screen goads her into saying something…into saying anything.

She fights the urge to hit the whisper button and repeat what was in her email, but something inside of her tells her to bide her time…to let him make the first move.
So she does.

FlonkerTed: Hey TJ

TeamJim: Hi Ted. Hi everyone.

KevIsCool: We’ve missed you TeamJim. Where have you been?

TeamJim: Just had a lot going on.

And the screen is silent for a while. She knows that the others in the room don’t know what to say. They can try for normalcy, but with her revelations tonight, they are on edge…afraid of upsetting some sort of delicate balance. Att the same time, though, they’re riveted. They have a backstage pass to their favorite tv show.

She can imagine their hearts beating as loudly as hers. Will there be a confrontation? A declaration of love? Silence? Awkwardness?

She wonders the same things herself.

TeamJim: So, have I missed anything important?

He’s challenging her and she knows it. She practically has to sit on her hands to keep herself from saying something to him. It’s the first time that she’s “seen” him in 2 weeks and despite all of her intentions to be okay with things and let go, it’s hard when he’s right there.

PamPong Whispers to SweaterGirl: Hey, I know you told us that he kind of knew what was going on, but should we stop talking about this? Does he know you are YOU? Just let us know how we should handle this. This is kind of awkward.

FlonkerTed: SweaterGirl was just sharing some things about herself with the rest of us.

TeamJim: Really? Is that so, SG? What things did you share?

SweaterGirl Whispers to PamPong: It's okay. He knows.

Courage and honesty. That’s all she needs.

SweaterGirl: Well, I was telling everyone…I was telling my friends that I’ve been lying to them about my identity.

TeamJim: Oh?

SweaterGirl: I’m actually PAM…from the show.

TeamJim: What a coincidence. I’m actually JIM.

And there it is…in black and white. It’s real now. No more pretending. No more lies. And the big reveal doesn't come in a sweeping, violin-tinged moment of realization.  They won't be rushing to hug each other and grant forgiveness through a shower of tears.  He’s still mad and hurt, and though she can’t hear him speak, or even hear the violent clacking of his keys, his words are laced with a seething anger directed at her.

SweaterGirl Whispers to TeamJim: Jim, we don’t have to do this here.

TeamJim Whispers to SweaterGirl: I’m not doing anything, Pam. I’m here to apologize to these people and then delete this screen name. I didn’t know you’d be here. I really have nothing else to say to you.

And it’s like she’s been slapped. And she’s mad. If they were keeping score of all of the mistakes they’ve made, she figures they’d be in a dead heat. Her choices and his reactions…Karen and Brian…staying and leaving…new cities, new jobs, fancy new Beeslys…they all add up to this moment…to this now.

On the screen, she can see that he’s apologizing to the chatters for lying to them and he’s thanking them for their support. Ted probably engineered this for him too. But she’s not really reading, she’s just feeling the tingling in her fingers as the truth itches to come out.

SweaterGirl: Jim. I’ve got a few things to say to you.

TeamJim: Pam, just let it rest. Okay?

SweaterGirl: No, it isn’t “okay”. I’m pretty proud of myself for getting up the nerve to admit the truth to these people tonight, but I just realized that none of that matters if I can’t be truthful with you.

TeamJim: Pam, don’t.

But she’s on a roll and nothing can stop what needs to be said now.

SweaterGirl: Jim, I called off my wedding because of you. And now we’re not even friends. I can tell how much you hate me…how mad you are at me. Things are so messed up between us and it sucks. Wait, it does more than suck…it hurts.  It hurts how much I miss you. You were my best friend before you went to Stamford. And I really miss you.

SweaterGirl: I know I had a part in all of that, I can admit that. You don’t know how many times I’ve wished that I could redo what happened on Casino Night. And I’d really like to talk to you about it. I have for a long time. In a nutshell, I shouldn’t have been with Roy, and there were lots of reasons to call off my wedding. But the truth is, I didn’t care about any of those reasons until I met you. You changed my life, Jim. You changed me. Well, you helped. I had a big part in that too. :)

SweaterGirl: And I know you’re angry with me for Brian, though it was none of your business, I can understand that…I really can. I know how I felt when I saw you with Karen. You were with Karen, remember? And I don’t know what you expected of me. Did you want to punish me? Did you want me to be lonely and hurting forever because of what I did to you? Is that how friends act?

SweaterGirl: And then there’s the whole chat thing and once I had an inkling of who I was talking to, I should have been honest. We got close a couple of times, but I was so afraid of losing you again and now I have lost you. I've lost your friendship and it's left a hole in my heart. I tried to tell you all of this in an email but it bounced back to me because you’re leaving again. And maybe it’s for the best if you leave Scranton, I don’t know if we can fix any of this, but I sure as hell would like to try and I'd like to think that the guy I know...that I've known and...and loved would like to give it a try too.

SweaterGirl: The last thing I want to say…that I need you to know...is that aside from the silly biographical stuff, NOTHING I said to you about my feelings about JIM or Jim was a lie. I meant every word of it…I meant Everything.  I know I’ve said a lot of things, but they needed to be said and I’ll understand if you just log off. I’m just really glad I got a chance to say these things to you. I’m finished.

She's not sure if she's made any sense. She didn't have time to compose her points and make sure she said everything she's felt for the last year.  It's a start, though. And even though this start has possibly come at the end, she feels good.

As she looks up at the screen, she half expects his screen name to be gone from the list, but it’s still there. In fact, one by one the names of her friends disappear from the list, but his remains.

FlonkerTed Whispers to SweaterGirl:  We’re going to give you guys some space. You are amazing, Pam.

PamPong Whispers to SweaterGirl: WTG!!  You tell him! Listen, we’re all going over to Reception if you need us. We’re all so proud of you. And hopefully soon, we'll be able to be proud of Jim too. Good luck!

She’s breathing hard, and adrenaline races through her veins.  Her heart aches with anticipation. She would give anything to see him type something to her…anything.

They are alone. He’s heard her truth.

He says nothing as the cursor next to his name continues to blink.

f

************************************
TONIGHT!
Join Pam Beesly
From
The Award Winning Documentary
THE OFFICE
for a
LIVE CHAT
9:00 PM
She will answer your questions LIVE!!!
And Remember….
Series Finale is in a Week
Join Iris Briones
Series Producer
for a
LIVE BLOG
After the Finale
************************************

She takes her seat in front of the laptop set up on the Conference room table just as she has several times before. This is the last chat and she’s happy to do it, if for no other reason than to celebrate the changes in herself since the first time she did this.

Things are different.  Brian isn’t here, protectively fluttering around her making sure she knows what to do. Terry won’t be hosting the chat tonight. She’s gone on to bigger, better and more manipulative things, Pam’s sure. Terry’s replacement Mindy is clacking on her keys getting ready for things to start.

Jim isn’t here. Not in chat and not in the office. He’s in Philadelphia trying to find a way to have the entire last year make some sort of sense for him and she can’t blame him.

She’s different too. She’s learned to speak her mind and to ask for what she wants. She’s learned that time can fix some things and irrevocably alter others. She’s learned who she is. She’s learned she doesn’t have to be afraid.

Everyone else is over at Poor Richard’s celebrating the fact that today was the last day…ever…with the cameras. They’ve arrived at the end of their contract days and while the producers aren’t exactly pleased with not having closure on their “storylines”, they’ve found a way to work with that.

Host_Mindy: Pam, are you ready?

PBeesly_Office: You bet.

Host_Mindy: Okay. Here we go…..

Office Chat is Now Live!

Host_Mindy: Hey everyone! We’re here tonight with a very special guest. I want you all to welcome Pam Beesly who you’ve all come to know and love on The Office. Pam, thanks so much for being here.

PBeesly_Office: My pleasure, Mindy. This place has come to mean a lot to me. I’ll miss it.

Host_Mindy: And by that you mean….

PBeesly_Office: Let’s just say that fans aren’t the only ones who’ve been hanging out here. I want to say a special hello to the regulars in The Annex! Hey guys!!!

Host_Mindy: Wow. I guess these rooms are popular. Are you ready for some questions?

PBeesly_Office: Sure. Bring them on.

And she is ready…more ready than she’s ever been.

Host_Mindy: First one is from JiHo in Round Rock, TX:  Pam, what does the future hold for you?

PBeesly_Office: Honestly, I don’t know what the future holds. I’m optimistic, that’s for sure. The immediate future will be weird, without all of the cameras around. Other than that, I’ve got a lot of plans and a lot of dreams and I think it’s just time for me to start going after them.

Host_Mindy: Pam, I know all of us wish you well with that.  Leonard in Newton, Massachusetts has this question for you: Be honest. Did you watch the show at all? And if you did, did that influence any of your choices?

PBeesly_Office: While it was airing, I only saw a few bits and pieces. It was weird, it was like watching someone else, though. I spent a lot of time talking about what happened with people…with fans. What’s funny is that I could never make the connection between what we talked about and what was going on in my life. I felt separate from it. Like it wasn’t real.

PBeesly_Office: I will tell you this, though. I watched Casino Night for the first time last night after talking about it with someone.  I’ve had a copy for a long time, but I could never watch it. A friend of mine told me that sometimes when your mistakes are filmed, you want to go back and watch them over and over and over again to try to find the moment when you went wrong. And in a way, he was right. Once I watched that moment in the parking lot once, I wanted to watch it again until I realized something.

Host_Mindy: What’s that?

PBeesly_Office: I realized that it’s our tendency to focus in on specific moments. Moments are what we remember, they’re what we hang onto. But really? Moments are just milestones in a journey. Nothing goes wrong in one second and nothing suddenly becomes right either. Our lives don’t change on a dime. We just become aware of the changes that happen naturally when you live.

PBeesly_Office:  It’s like when you go to the eye doctor and you sit and look through that one machine. The doctor keeps dropping lenses in front of your eyes to help you see more clearly. Sometimes the lens isn’t the right one, but when the doctor gets it right? Everything is suddenly clearer. You can’t imagine how you saw before you had this lens. That moment in the parking lot?  Nothing changed for me.  Jim just dropped a different lens in front of my eyes and things became clear. I realized how I felt about him.  I realized how afraid of change I was. It took me a while to act on those realizations, but they were there.  Maybe one day, Jim can see that he didn’t do anything wrong. New vision can be kind of blinding and scary when you’re used to fuzzy shapes in the dark.

Host_Mindy:  Wow. Something for us all to keep in mind. I’ve got a question from Mitzi in Montana:  Pam, how is Roy? We’ve barely seen him this season.

PBeesly_Office: Roy is good. He’s really good. He’s seeing someone and she’s great. I’m still in touch a lot with Roy’s sister Rebekah…I’m her son’s godmother. Roy and his brother have started a sporting equipment rental company out at the lake and things seem to be going great. I’m really happy for him.

Host_Mindy:  So, no regrets about calling off the wedding?

PBeesly_Office: Nope. Except maybe…maybe I regret that I didn’t do it sooner.

Host_Mindy:  Hindsight is 20/20

PBeesly_Office: Yeah.

Host_Mindy:  Avery in Wichita asks, “Pam, is it true that Jim is leaving the office? How does that make you feel?”

PBeesly_Office:  Jim is actually at a job interview today. I haven’t heard anything. But I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn’t he? He’s totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that’s okay. We’re friends. And I’m sure we’ll stay friends. We just… we never got the timing right. You know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me. And some stuff happened that you guys know nothing about,  but you know what? It’s okay. I am totally fine.

Host_Mindy: Would you care to elaborate on the stuff that happened? And the friends thing?

PBeesly_Office: Jim and I have talked. We actually talked last night and we’re okay.

Host_Mindy: Well, that’s good.

PBeesly_Office: Yeah, it is.

Host_Mindy: Here’s an interesting question from JAMLover: “One of the reasons that my friends and I like this show so much is that even with all of the weird stuff that goes on, you and your co-workers have a really strong connection. I mean, you prank Dwight, but you guys have shared some really sweet moments. Now that the cameras are leaving, how do you feel about your co-workers? Has this experience brought you closer together?

PBeesly_Office: Well, I’ll let you know that they all got together a few weeks ago to watch some episodes and things were kind of tense for a while. Phyllis and Angela still aren’t speaking. I am closer to Oscar and Toby. They’ve been just great sticking up for me. And Jim…I keep talking about Jim, don’t I? It’s just…the people you work with, are people you were just thrown together with. In my day-to-day life, I’d never know a Stanley or a Creed.  You don't know them, it wasn't your choice. And yet you spend more time with them than you do your friends or your family, but probably all you've got in common, is the fact that you walk around on the same bit of carpet for eight hours a day. And so, obviously, when someone comes in, who you, you have a connection with-yeah. And Jim was a ray of sunshine in my life. He meant a lot. It all meant a lot. This office? This experience? They’ve changed who I am…or to borrow a metaphor from myself, they’ve let me see myself more clearly.

Host_Mindy:  And you know, I don’t think that was an outcome those of us who have worked behind the scenes would have foreseen…so that’s a good thing.

Pbeesly_Office: That’s a really good thing.

Host_Mindy:  I’ve seen the final cut of the last episode and I’ll share this with the fans. You will all have questions. Nothing is being tied up and there are a ton of loose ends. How does that make you feel Pam? The fact that your public story won’t have a happy ending?

PBeesly_Office: I think it’s great, actually.

Host_Mindy: How so?

PBeesly_Office: I don't know what a happy ending is. Life isn't about endings is it? It's a series of moments, and…it's like if you turn the camera off, it's not an ending is it? I'm still here, my life's not over. Come back here in ten years, see how I'm doing then. Because I could be married with kids, you don't know. Life just goes on.

Host_Mindy: Is that an open invitation for a follow-up special?

PBeesly_Office: We’ll see, Mindy.

Host_Mindy: We have time for a few more questions. Wait. Just give me a second. Something weird is going on here.

She looks over and watches Mindy click around on her keyboard. Pam’s pleased with herself and pleased with her answers. She glances over at the cell phone she had placed on the table before chat started, in case Jim calls with news. Mindy’s face is screwed into a grimace, but suddenly it breaks into a subtle smile.

“Is something wrong over there?”

“Nope, we’re good. Just a few more questions, okay?”

“Sure.”

Host_Mindy: Okay, this question is from Jim Not in New Hampshire. He asks, “Did you send any messages or tokens of luck to Jim before his job interview?”

Her head snaps up, but Mindy seems determined not to make eye-contact.

PBeesly_Office: Actually, I did. I gave him a yogurt lid and a note.

Host_Mindy: Would you care to elaborate what that meant?

PBeesly_Office: Well, I’m sure he’s smart enough to figure this out for himself, but I wanted him to remember back before everything got weird and complicated. When it was fun and simple. I wanted him to remember that we used to be friends and that he’s capable of anything he sets his mind to. The note I wrote…I just said, “Remember us when you aren’t famous”

Host_Mindy: When he isn’t famous?

PBeesly_Office: Let’s just say that this show has played an interesting role in our relationship and we’ve both had to deal with the pressures of everyone knowing our business.

Host_Mindy: Okay. Another question. This one is from Jim in PA.

PBeesly_Office: Another Jim?

Host_Mindy: Yup.  Here’s his question: Pam, someone has a gun to your head. Michael or Dwight?

PBeesly_Office: Can I pick the gun?  Seriously, Michael and Dwight both have very sweet sides to them and I hope the cameras picked up on that. 

Host_Mindy: I think they have. Interestingly enough, our next question is from a Jim. This is from Jim in Scranton. He says, “You mentioned before that moments are just steps in a journey. That was really poetic, by the way. I guess my question is, where would you like to see Jim headed? I mean it’s fine for you to say that you hope he gets the job and you just want him to be happy, but where would you like to see Jim’s journey take him?

PBeesly_Office: Back here. I hope that Jim comes back here. The rest, we can figure out along the way.

Host_Mindy: I think this will be our final question.

PBeesly_Office: Is it from a Jim?

Host_Mindy: It is.  I’m just going to copy and paste.  “This is from Jim in your office, the one right there behind you. The one who walked out of his interview earlier today. The one who has been reading everything you’ve been typing. The one who is waving and probably looking like a nervous dork.Yeah, that Jim.  My question is, Since you were indeed serious about making this real, would you be free for dinner tonight?”

PBeesly_Office:aa89dpuahdui8hf

Host_Mindy:  Um…Pam has suddenly left the room. I hate to speak for her, but I’m guessing her answer to that last question was a resounding “yes”.

Host_Mindy: Yeah…it’s definitely a yes.

Host_Mindy: Well, I guess that’s it for tonight. I’m sure Pam would like to thank you for attending and as for myself and the production team, we hope you enjoy the finale next week. I think I can also say that while you won’t see it in the episode that airs, I suspect our little story will have a very happy ending indeed.

He stares at her across the table as she takes a bite of her giant sandwich, puts it down and wipes the corners of her mouth with her green and white napkin.

“What? Do I still have something on my face?”

“No. I still can’t believe that this is where you wanted me to take you for dinner tonight.”

“Well, it was kind of late and besides, didn’t you once tell me that you had connections here?”

“I’m never going to live that down, am I?”

“Not in a hundred years. Subway, Jim? Why Subway?”

“It just seemed like a normal place and they’re everywhere. I didn’t want to get caught.”

“I did Google Subways in New Hampshire, you know.”

“Well, I tried to find your doctor online. When I couldn’t, I just figured that that Internet wasn’t really that prominent in Appalachia.”

“We were that pathetic, huh?”

“Yeah.  Seriously, Pam, you have to let me take you somewhere nicer. Maybe tomorrow?”

She reaches across the table and covers his hand with hers.

“Jim, it doesn’t matter where we are. I’m just happy you’re here. I’m happy you came back.”

“I’m happy too.”

“Before we put all of this behind us and vow to never speak of our fake identities again, I do have a question.”

“Ask.”

“Where did you get your last name, Jim Irving?”

“First thing I thought of.”

“Because???”

He sighs and a pink blush colors his cheeks.

“Because Dr. Julius Irving was the greatest man ever to play basketball. Consider it an homage.”

“You’re such a dork, you know that?”

“Whatever you say, Miss West Virginia.”

“We’ll laugh about all of that some day, right?”

“Pam, I think we’re already laughing.”

“True. I do have something else I ‘m wondering, though. How did you get your questions to Mindy the way you did? I mean there’s a huge queue of questions and you weren’t using your real name.”

“I had some help.”

“From?”

“Well, let’s just say that when a certain camera man quit a certain production company, they forgot to reset all of his passwords.”

“Brian helped?”

“Yeah…after I logged off on you last night, I checked email and there was a message from him telling me that I’d be an idiot to let you go. I should have listened to him. I could have saved the gas I wasted driving to Philadelphia.”

“He’s a good guy and a good friend.”

“Yeah, he is.”

“So, I guess, technically, you aren’t an idiot, are you?”

He answers her with another smile and turns his hand so that his fingers interlace with hers. He’s happy and content and totally confident in his decisions today. This is exactly where he’s supposed to be…in a florescent lit strip mall Subway at 10:30 on a Thursday night. He’s still in his work clothes, but his tie and jacket are in the back of his car and he’s untucked his shirt. He’s comfortable. He belongs here…with her. Everything in the last year or so has led him here, to this moment.

“Jim, what are you thinking?”

“I was just wondering something.”

“What?”

“I’m trying to decide if the cameras and the chat room  and us deciding to find out what was happening on the show, if those actions are what led us here. Do you think that if we didn’t step into chat and find each other there if things would be the same? Would I have stayed with Karen longer? Would you have left Phyllis’ wedding with someone else? Would there have been a fight in the office? Would you have lured me away from a lucrative job opportunity with just a yogurt lid and a note?”

“Honestly, Jim, it doesn’t matter. But…I do have a feeling that we were supposed to end up here. Maybe not at a Subway, but together.”

“Yeah, I feel that way too.”

“Um…excuse me?”

Jim and Pam break eye contact and direct their attention to the two teen-aged girls who are shifting nervously on their feet at the side of their booth.  

“We were just wondering. Are you guys Jim and Pam from TV?”

He cocks his eyebrow and turns up the corner of his mouth in his trademark grin. Pam shakes her head and chuckles to herself because he is such a ham.

“I guess you could say that.”

“Oh my God. I told Christy…that’s her…I’m Kayla. I told her that it was you, but she didn’t believe me. I can’t believe you’re here.”

“Well, this place has tasty sandwiches, right Pam?”

“Oh yeah, Jim. Really tasty sandwiches. I like the bread.”

“Wait…you guys are together? You’re like holding hands? I thought I read on the Internet that Jim was moving to Chicago and that you Pam…that you were like pregnant with a sound guy’s baby or something?”

“Well, Kayla. I’m here and I’m not going anywhere. Pam, are you pregnant with a sound guy’s baby?”

“I don’t think so.”

“Well, then there you go, ladies. You can’t believe everything you read on the Internet.”

“Oh yeah. Totally. Sorry about that. Goodnight.”

As the admirers walk away, heads together and giggling, Pam arranges her face in a semi-serious frown.

“Pam, what’s wrong? I didn’t mean anything…”

“Jim, it’s just…I was sorry to hear that I shouldn’t believe everything I read on the Internet.”  The edges of her mouth turn up slightly.

“Oh really? And why is that?”

“Well, I seem to recall someone…I think it was you…detailing all of the things he’d like to do if he ever got alone with me. Apparently, that was all fiction.”

“Pam, despite the fact that I want to pinch myself, and you to make sure we’re real, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t making that stuff up.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“You want to get out of here and see if it’s real? If we’re for real?”

“Yeah. Come on, Jim…let’s go.”

And they go.

And it is.

And they are.