Chapter 1: Conveniently Missing

“What? No, ‘Hello. Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.’ You’re really slacking on your job, Beesly. Um, I guess you’re not there yet. Anyway, I am so sick. I think it’s the flu or something equally horrible. I feel like death warmed over. So obviously, I’m not coming into today. Try to have a good day, OK? Oh yeah, by the way, this is Jim.”

Pam sighed as she listened to the rest of the voicemails. A whole day without Jim at work. A whole day of Dwight and Michael being, well, Dwight and Michael without a Jim filter. She did not know if she could handle it.

She knocked on Michael’s door.

“Hi Michael, Jim just called. He’s out sick today.”

Michael frowned. “Oh. No Jimbo Halperto today. Sad.”

Dwight was sitting in the chair in front of Michael’s desk, “But I’m here today, Michael.”

“I noticed,” Michael replied sarcastically. Dwight looked down at the charts and graphs sitting on his lap.

“Well, I bet Jim hasn’t turned in his biannual sales report like I have. Plus, I’ve developed a presentation to show the results of my sales in the last six mo-”

Michael cut him off. “I don’t think Jim has turned in his report. Pam, do you know if he has?”

Pam, looking bored, replied, “I haven’t seen it.”

Michael’s frown deepened. “Man, I really need that report. Jan keeps pestering me about it. You know, I gotta keep the little woman happy!” Michael smirked. Pam refrained from gagging.

Dwight spoke first, “Why don’t we look in his desk? Michael, I don’t want you to get in trouble wi-”

“That’s a great idea! Pam, go look through Jim’s desk and computer for the report.”

Pam replied, “I can’t go through his things. That would be an invasion of privacy.”

Dwight stated, “Fact: Jim’s desk and computer are property of Dunder-Mifflin. For that reason, it is perfectly acceptable for Michael as Jim’s employer to examine an employee’s desk.”

Michael stared at Dwight, “Do you read The Patriot Act at night before you go to sleep?”

Pam interjected, “Fine. I’ll look in his desk. But I can’t go through his computer - its password protected.”

“You mean you don’t know his password? You guys are such good friends.”

Pam rolled her eyes and walked out of the office. She bent down and looked through the drawers of Jim’s desk. She skimmed through all of his files but could not find his biannual sales report. She did, however, find a notebook filled with ideas for future pranks on Dwight. She laughed to herself as she flipped through the notebook.

Pay everyone $5 to call Dwight “Dwayne” for a day. Adjust Dwight’s seat with a spring so that it shoots him out of his seat. Hide Dwight’s belongings in the snack machine. Make Dwight think that he has died and is now a ghost.

She also found a card sized envelope hidden in the back of a drawer. It had her name written on the front in Jim’s block handwriting. What was this for? Her birthday was months away. Valentine’s Day had already past. She discreetly placed it on her desk before going back into Michael’s office.

“Sorry Michael, no luck with Jim’s sale report.”

“Dammit! I need that report. I’m calling him.”

“No, Michael. He’s sick. You can get the report tomorrow.”

“Pamela Shamela, you don’t understand how much trouble I’ll be in with Jan if these reports don’t get to her today. I’m calling.” Michael dialed. “Wait, what is Jim’s number?” Pam repeated the memorized phone number.

“James Halpert! How the hell are ya?”

Jim’s groggy voice filled Michael’s office over the speakerphone. “Michael, I’m sick.”

“I know, buddy. I was just checking on you. Like a good friend would. Anyway, I was wondering where your biannual sales report was. Its due today. I’m not usually a stickler for deadlines, but I’ve gotta have your report.”

“I’m sorry. Its here at my house.” Jim’s voice sounded weak and hoarse.

“Shoot! I was hoping it was here. I had Pam snooping through your desk.”

“Pam looked through my desk!” Michael clicked the phone off.

“What am I going to do? I need that report.”

Dwight interjected, “Jim’s illness is suspiciously ill-timed. Question: May I investigate?”

“No,” Michael was frustrated. “You screwed up the ‘Is Oscar Sick?’ investigation. Remember? Pam, will you go to Jim’s house and get the report for me?”

“Sure,” Pam smilingly obeyed.
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As soon as she closed the car door, Pam’s hands began to shake. She was not sure why she was so nervous. Pulling the white envelope out of her purse, she knew she should not open it. Tugging at the flap, a Christmas card fell out. There must be some reason that Jim had kept the card hidden in his desk. It did not say a lot but what it did say caused a flush on Pam’s face. The card fell from her hands.
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“What are you doing here?” Jim opened his front door, wearing a pair of blue plaid pajama pants and a white t-shirt. He ran a hand through his messy bed hair.

“You do look like death warmed over,” Pam answered as she walked into his house, a brown paper bag in her hand.

They walked into the kitchen, where Pam unloaded the contents of her bag. “I brought you a care package. Chicken soup, of course.” She held up a can. “A deck of cards. For solitaire or any assortment of two players games. A coloring book and a pack of crayons. Of course, cough drops, aspirin, drowsy flu medicine, and herbal tea. And finally, brownie mix!” She held up a cake box.

Jim asked hoarsely, “Brownies?”

“Yeah, when I was little, my mom always made brownies for my sister and I when we were sick. It didn’t matter whether or not we felt eating them. Just the thought of brownies made us feel better. I plan on making brownies for my kids when they’re sick.”

“You’re going to be a great mom,” he said softly.

Pam blushed, “I doubt it! Don’t you remember the day when Kevin, Toby, Stanley, and Meredith brought their children to the office. The kids hated me!”

“Meredith’s kid liked you.”

“Anyway, go lie down on the couch. I’m making brownies.”

“Don’t tell me what to do!” He mocked.

“I don’t care if you’re sick. I’m telling you what to do! Now, shoo! Shoo!”

“I’m too sick to argue.” Jim smiled to himself as he obediently walked into the living room.
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Michael stood outside of his office and asked anyone who would listen, i.e. Dwight, “Where the hell is Pam? She left over two hours ago for Jim’s house.”

Dwight replied, “Maybe she was kidnapped and sold into a sex trade.”

“Idiot.”

“What? It can happen. It happened to my cousin’s mother’s twin sister’s nephew’s ex-wife’s friend’s cousin, twice removed.”

Michael walked up to the reception desk, which was now being occupied by Ryan. “Ryan, my man, call Jim and find out if Pam has picked up his biannual sales report.”

Ryan grimaced but picked up the phone. “Hi Jim, this is Ryan. Sorry to bother you while you’re sick. But Michael wanted me to call and find out if Pam has been to your house yet.”

Jim replied, “Yeah, she’s here.”

Ryan looked up at Michael and said into the phone, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that Pam has also gotten the flu and left your house over an hour ago. I guess we should be expecting a phone call from her anytime now.”

“What?” Jim asked.

“Alright, Jim. Take care.”

“Ryan, what?” asked a confused Jim. Click. Ryan had already hung up.

A few moments later, the phone rang at the reception desk. “Hello? Dunder Mifflin, this is Ryan. Oh, hi Pam.” He paused. “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that you’re sick and won’t be coming back into work. OK, see you tomorrow.”

Ryan looked up again at Michael and shrugged. “Guess Pam is sick too. It must be catching.” Michael shook his head in frustration.

Dwight approached the reception desk. “Question: May I investigate the illnesses of Jim and Pam? They seem to be conveniently missing on a day of an important deadline.”

Michael rubbed his temple and replied in a frustrated voice, “Yes Dwight. Go and investigate. And bring Jim’s sales report back to me. I need it ASAP. And don‘t screw up this time!” Mostly, Michael just wanted Dwight out of the office for the day.

Dwight saluted and ran out the door.
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After Pam put the brownies in the oven, she walked into the living room. Jim laid across the couch wrapped in a blanket up to his neck. He was watching a cheesy talk show on television. When she approached, he moved his long frame so that she could sit on the couch.

“Why aren’t you at work?” Pam had obviously gone home and changed. Her curly hair was pulled back in a ponytail. She was wearing comfy black sweatpants and a fitted long-sleeved pink t-shirt.

“I decided to take a sick day.”

“Let me get this straight. You went into work for an hour and then decided to take a sick day so you could hang out with your friend, who is actually deathly ill?”

“Yep.”

“Nice, Pam. You’re a good friend. Odd, but good.” Pam hit him with a throw pillow.

“Hey, no hitting the dead!”

They sat and quietly watched television. Jim felt groggy from the medicine he had taken and was nodding off when the oven timer beeped. Pam jumped up and ran into the kitchen.

When she came back with a plate of brownies, Jim was asleep.

“Jim? Jimmy, its time to go to school.” Pam bounced on the couch and tickled him awake.

“You’re evil, Beesly.” She beamed.

“Have a brownie, grumpy. It’ll make you feel better.”

Chapter 2: The Investigation

For his first interview, Dwight wanted to talk to Roy. The guys from the warehouse were taking a break. Roy was drinking a soda and eating from a bag of chips when Dwight approached him.

“Dwight K. Schrute.” He held his hand out.

Roy ignored the hand. “I know who you are.”

Dwight continued, “I am running an investigation regarding the disappearance of your fiancée.”

Roy panicked, “Pam’s missing?”

“No, she came into work and then decided to take a sick day.”

Roy breathed again. “OK, whatever. Then what’s this investigation about?”

“Did Pam exhibit any symptoms of illness this morning? Vomiting? Wheezing? A hacking cough? Did she appear jaundiced? Was she foaming at the mouth?”

Roy glared at Dwight, “What? No. I guess she was fine. I’m not much of a morning person so I didn’t notice anything.” Dwight jotted notes on a clipboard.

“Michael sent Pam on an assignment to obtain a biannual sales report from Jim Halpert. While she was gone on her mission, she suddenly fell ill and called in to say she would be unable to return to work.”

“So she’s with Halpert?”

“Is she?”

“Dude, I was asking you!”

Dwight smirked and went back upstairs to the office.

Roy shook his head and walked back to his co-workers, “What a jackass!”
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“Let’s play!”

Pam grabbed the coloring book and crayons she brought. Each one tore a page out of the book. They sat on the floor and colored the pictures like a pair of five year olds. Pam laughed at Jim’s picture. He was barely able to color in the lines and when he did, the colors were all wrong for the illustration.

“Come on, Jim. A blue dog! With a yellow tail and orange ears!”

“Watch it, Beesly. I’m an original! Haven’t you ever heard of artistic expression?”

Pam’s cell phone rang. She ignored it at first but then decided to answer it. “Excuse me, I’ll just go in the kitchen.”

Jim tried not to listen to her conversation but he could not help but hear. He wondered why she was at this house today. Why was she skipping work?

“No, Roy. I’m not really sick. I’m just playing hooky today. What? Why did Dwight ask you that? No, I don’t know when I’ll be home.” She sounded frustrated, then she lowered her voice. “Hey, listen, um, we really need to talk tonight. Yeah, its very important. Its serious. OK, bye.”

Jim looked back down at his picture when she walked back from the kitchen. She sat down on the floor again and scrutinized the crayons until she found the one she wanted.
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“Hey, Temp, did you notice if Jim or Pam appeared to be sick yesterday?” Dwight was leaning against the reception desk, clipboard in hand.

Ryan looked up from his game of spider solitaire, “I didn’t see Jim and Pam yesterday.”

Dwight narrowed his eyes. “And why not? Why were you not at work yesterday?”

“Because yesterday was Sunday.”

Dwight jotted down another note and stalked off.

His next interviewee was Creed. Dwight sat on the corner of Creed’s desk.

“Creed, I am leading an investigation regarding the whereabouts of a certain James Halpert and Pamela Beesly. Do you know anything about where they might be today?”

Creed took off his glasses and leaned back in his chair. “Who is Pam?”

Dwight looked dumbfounded. “The receptionist.”

“Oh, the red head?”

Dwight shook his head. “No, that’s Meredith.”

“Well, she’s not missing. She’s sitting right there.” Creed pointed to Meredith, who was talking on the phone.

Dwight groaned. “What about Jim?”

“I’ve never met a Jim.”

“Ever?”

“Nope.” Creed put his glasses back on and went back to work.

For once, Dwight was speechless.
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After a lunch of chicken soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, they played cards. Pam considered cheating to let Jim win, since he was sick. But she just too competitive for that.

“Suck on that, Halpert.” She won her third game in a row.

Jim threw his cards down. “I give up! I hate playing games with you, Beesly. You’re too damn competitive!”

“But Jim, you’re so much fun to play games with.” She mockingly pouted.

He rolled his eyes, “OK, deal me. I’m all in.”
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Kevin, Toby, Oscar, and Kelly were eating lunch in the break room when Dwight entered, clipboard in hand.

“Hi Dwight, how’s the investigation?” asked Oscar.

“It is coming along very well. Thank you for asking. I need to ask all of you a few questions for my ongoing investigation? Kelly, do you not think that it is odd that Jim would be out sick on the day when his biannual sales report is due?”

Kelly sipped her diet soda before thoughtfully replying, “I think he’s got the flu. At least that’s what Ryan told me. Ryan talked to Jim on the phone and Jim said that he was sick. Then, Ryan talked to Pam and she said that she had gotten sick. And Ryan doesn’t lie. At least, I don’t think he does. He’s never lied to me. Maybe he is lying. Which would mean that Jim and Pam are lying too.” Dwight wrote furiously.

Kelly continued as she crossed her arms across her chest, “But I would be so mad if Ryan, Jim, or Pam lied to me. You kno-”

Dwight interrupted, “Kevin, where do you think Jim and Pam are?”

“I bet they got a hotel room and are having sex. Lots and lots of hot sex.” Kevin smirked.

Dwight shook his head while Toby replied, “Kevin, that is an inappropriate comment, especially in the office.”

“Why? We all know that Jim has got it bad for Pam.”

Kelly squealed, “Aww, that would be so sweet if Jim and Pam took the day off to be together!”

Toby interjected, “We shouldn‘t gossip about our co-workers.” Kevin and Kelly just looked at Toby. “You know…never mind.” He returned to eating his sandwich.

Oscar shot Dwight a look. “I believe that Jim and Pam are really sick. I also believe that they are each at their respective homes.” Oscar raised his eyebrows at Dwight.

“Thank you, Oscar.” Dwight understood and walked out of the break room.
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Jim had found a Scrabble board in the upstairs closet. After three marathon games, he groaned and rubbed his head.

Pam suddenly turned serious. “Are you alright? Do you want to sleep? I can go home, if you want.”

“No, I want you to stay.”

Jim stretched out and fell asleep on the couch. Pam sat down on the floor in front of the couch and pulled out her sketchbook. She made sure to bring her colored pencils. The good kind. Roy would flip out if he ever found out of much she had paid for these pencils.

She drew the backyard from her point of view when she heard Jim sleepily mumble her name. She turned and was surprised to realize that he was not awake. She kneeled on the floor in front of him and looked at his face as he slept. He seemed restless as he shifted on the couch and mumbled again. She thought about the envelope in her purse and wondered if she would have the courage to tell him why she came to his house today.

She reached up and placed her hand on top of his. His hand was so much bigger than hers. She imagined his hand enveloping hers. Right then, his eyes flitted open. Pam dropped her hand.

Jim rubbed his eyes, “What?”

Pam sheepishly said, “I was going to put your hand in a bowl of warm water.”

Jim laughed and sat up, stretching his long arms. Pam went into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. When she walked back in, he was holding her illustration.

“Pam, this is so good. You’re incredibly talented.” A flush covered her face. “Of course, it is not nearly as good as my blue-yellow-orange dog!”
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“Stanley, I need to ask you a few questions for my investigation.”

Stanley scowled at Dwight, “I’m on the phone.”

“It will only take five minutes of your time. Well, perhaps, ten. I have developed a comprehensive questionnaire-”

“I’m on the phone.” Stanley jerked his head away from Dwight’s direction.

“How about you, Phyllis? Will you answer questions for my investigation?”

Phyllis was on the telephone as well. She covered the speaker end of the phone with her hand and whispered, “Leave Jim and Pam alone.”

Dejected, Dwight walked into the break room. Angela was standing at the snack machine, buying two candy bars.

“Hello, Angela.” He said briskly.

“Hello, Dwight.” She replied sharply.

“Michael has assigned me to investigate the mysterious illnesses-slash-disappearances of Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly.”

“Yes, I heard talk of your assignment. I think the disappearances are highly suspicious.”

“As do I. I have finished almost all of my interviews. I will be leaving soon to conduct my surveillance work outside of Jim’s house.”

“Good luck, Dwight.” Angela discreetly handed him a candy bar.

“Thank you.” Dwight lowered his voice, “Sweetie Buns.”

“You’re welcome, Tiger Man.”
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“Hey, do you want to see if we can find a really bad movie on TV. We can mock it, like Mystery Science Theater 3000,” he suggested. Her face lit up.

They settled in on the couch and found a cheesy movie on Lifetime. It was about a woman who was dying of cancer after she had killed her husband for cheating on her with her best friend, who had a double identity due to the fact that she a jewel thief. Jim offered Pam his blanket. The blanket was smaller than they both realized. Pam curled up in a ball next to Jim.

They mocked the movie and bantered for a hour or so. Pam was trying to stay awake but found it hard to do. Her head had fallen lightly against his shoulder. Jim’s comments were so funny because he was still groggy and incoherent from his medicine. He could not do his trademark impersonations because of his hoarse voice, so every impression sounded funnier.

After a while, they both were drifting off to sleep. Pam had, at some point, rested her arm across Jim’s stomach. He wrapped his arms snuggly around her body. He kissed the top of her head.

For a person who felt and looked like death warmed over, Jim was having a pretty good day.

Chapter 3: Surveillance Work

Dwight parked his car across the street from Jim’s house. Grabbing the clipboard from the passenger seat, he surveyed the area. Jim’s car was parked in the driveway. Was that Pam’s car parked on the curb in front of the house?

Dwight locked his car door and slowly shifted his head both ways before crossing the street. He looked around the car. It looked like Pam’s car. He thought about calling his buddies at the sheriff’s office to run the license plate. He touched the hood of the car, it was cool. If this was her car, it had been sitting here for hours. Dwight peeked into the car. Bingo! Sitting on the passenger seat was a Dunder Mifflin ID card and it had Pam’s name on it.

“Yes!” Dwight threw his fist in the air and then crouched down beside the car. He did not want to be seen. He practically crawled to the front door.

“I’ve caught them!” He thought about busting the door in, like they do on one of those cop shows. Making a face, he remembered what Kevin had said in the break room and decided to ring the doorbell instead.
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The doorbell’s incessant rang woke both of them up.

Jim lifted his head, “I’m sick! Can’t everyone leave me alone today?” He released Pam from his arms. She blinked the sleep out of her eyes and stretched. Jim could not remember her looking more beautiful.

He went to the front door and looked out the peephole.

“NO! Pam, hide! Its Dwight!”

“What?” as she scrambled to the kitchen, too sleepy to coherently think of a better exit strategy.

“Dwight, what are you doing here?”

Dwight stood in front of the door, looking past Jim into the house. “I’m here on a sensitive investigation. Wow, you really are sick.”

“No joke.” Jim stepped out of the way as Dwight walked.

“Michael asked me to investigate your and Pam’s illnesses. It seemed awfully convenient that you both were out on the same day that Michael needed your biannual sales report.”

“Well, Dwight, I really am sick and Pam’s not here. My report is finished. Its upstairs.”

“Pam didn’t take it with her this morning? Highly suspicious.” Dwight stepped into the living room and turned to Jim. “You’re not here by yourself.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not. Fact: There are two glasses sitting on the coffee table.”

“I had two glasses so I wouldn’t have to get up and go back into the kitchen.” Dwight seemed somewhat satisfied with that answer.

“Moving on. Fact: There are also two soup bowls and two plates on the table.” Dwight walked around the room. “Were you coloring in a coloring book?”

Jim looked sheepish. A giggle escaped from the kitchen.

“What was that?” Dwight ran into the kitchen. Pam popped up from behind the island. “Pam! You’re not sick.”

“Well, I probably am by now. I’ve spent the whole day with Jim.”

“Well, your fiancée didn’t notice whether or not you were sick. He has no idea where you are.”

Pam stared at Dwight, “Roy doesn’t notice a lot.” Jim’s eyebrows raised.

Dwight did not hear Pam because he got distracted. “Oh, brownies!” Dwight sat down in the middle of the couch and helped himself to the plate. Jim and Pam sat on either side of him.

“You two are going to be in so much trouble when I tell Michael that you played hooky from work.”

“Actually, I am sick,” Jim replied in a hoarse voice as he wrestled the brownie plate from Dwight.

“Well, Pam, you should have at least come back to the office with Jim’s biannual sales report.” Chunks of brownie clung to Dwight’s teeth.

Pam made a face. “Actually, your reports aren’t due until Friday. Jan just told Michael to have them in today so he would actually turn them on time. She’s been doing that a lot lately.”

Dwight looked at her thoughtfully. “You know, I thought the reports were due on Friday. They have always been due on the fifteenth before.” His cell phone rang.

“Hi Michael. Yes, I’m at Jim’s. He is very sick. Deathly ill. No, Pam’s not here.” Dwight gave Pam a kind smile. Pam looked at Jim, whose face mirrored her bewildered one. “You know, Michael. I’m not feeling very well myself. I don’t think I’ll make it back to the office this afternoon.”
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Michael hung up the phone and dropped his head on the desk. He was going to be in so much trouble with Jan about these biannual sales reports.

He called Jan. She told him that since some of his employees were out sick that she would extend the deadline until tomorrow.

Then he asked her what she was doing tonight. She hung up.
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Dwight’s cell phone rang again. He stood up and went into the kitchen. Jim and Pam eagerly eavesdropped on the conversation.

“Hello, Hot Lips.” Both gagged and Jim mouthed “Hot Lips?” “No, I’m not coming back into the office this afternoon. There were no leads on my investigation. Jim and Pam are sick at their respective houses.” Pam winked at Jim. “I’m actually feeling a little under the weather myself. I know, I know. I never get sick because of my superior immune system but today, my throat feels a little scratchy. Maybe tonight, you could come over and take care of me.” Jim put his hand over Pam’s mouth to keep her from laughing out loud.

Dwight sat back down on the couch. “That was my girlfriend.”

“Your imaginary one? Isn’t she a Japanese samurai warrior? Or is she a Jedi princess?”

Dwight crossed his arms. “I have a real girlfriend.” The room was silent for a minute. “Hey, do you have any soda?”

While Dwight drank his soda, Jim asked, “So what happened at work today?”

“Mostly I have been focused on this investigation. Successfully accomplished, I must say.”

“Dwight, you’re telling me that instead of productively selling paper today, you wasted your entire day on an investigation which conclusively proved that I was sick.”

“And that Pam skipped work today.”

“Right, because no one ever takes a sick day without actually being sick.”

“I don’t.”

“You are right now. You just told Michael and your ‘girlfriend’ that you weren’t going back to the office.”

“Jim, the day is almost over! This is my reward for job well done.”

Jim was at a lose for words, so the trio quietly watched the movie until it ended. After the movie finished, Dwight stood up. “That was fun. We should do this again sometime.”

“Um, OK.”

“I’ll see you two in the morning. And, don’t worry, I won’t tell Michael that you skipped work, Pam.”

“Thanks Dwight.”
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Dwight jotted another note on his clipboard before starting his car. Now, he had damaging evidence on Jim and Pam. Not only did have the information, but he convinced them that he was their friend. The next time they pulled one of their pranks, he would be ready to retaliate.

Grinning, Dwight pulled out his cell phone and called his girlfriend again.
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Jim turned to Pam, “Did we just have a semi-pleasant interaction with Dwight? The three of us watched a movie like we were almost friends. I must be sick and delusional.”

Pam’s laugh was hollow. The expression on her face had changed.

“Listen, Jim. I need to tell you why I skipped work to hang out with you today.”

“Finally, Beesly. I’ve been in suspense all day.”

She went into the kitchen and grabbed her purse. She sat back down on the couch, next to Jim. “You’re going to be really mad at me.”

“There’s not much you could do to make me mad. Except a ‘your mom’ joke. Because I’m a mama’s boy, you know.” She did not return his grin. In fact, he had never seen her look so serious. “What’s wrong, Pam?”

She pulled a wrinkled envelope out of her purse. Jim immediately recognized it. He also noticed that the flap of the envelope was open.

“My Christmas card! Pam, where did you get that?”

“From your desk. This morning, Michael told me to look in your desk for your report.”

Jim was having a hard time breathing. “Did, um,…did you… did you read it?” She nodded. They could not look at each other.

“Oh, Pam. I…”

“Why didn’t you give this to me at Christmas?”

Jim stammered again.

“Did you really mean what you said in it?”

Jim sighed and looked her straight in the eye. “Yes. I want you to be happy. And…and… Pam, I love you.”

Pam burst into tears.

Jim was not sure what to do. He told a woman, who he considered his best friend that he loved her and she was crying. He hesitated a moment but pulled her into his arms and let her cry. She clung to him and sobbed into his t-shirt.

“Shh. Its OK.” Jim did not believe it himself. She mumbled something into his chest. He pulled her back. “What?”

She looked at him through her tears. “I love you too, Jim.”

“Pam.” His voice was weak and it was not from being sick. “Don’t say it unless you mean it. Don’t kid a sick man.” A huge smile was spreading on his face.

“Shut up! Stop being silly.” She hit him on the chest. He laughed and wrapped her tightly in his arms.

“You love me!” It was not a question.

“Yes,” she whimpered through her tears. She lifted her head from his chest and looked at him. He lightly pressed his mouth on hers. Her lips were warm and tasted like brownies.

Jim and Pam’s first kiss had been at the drunken Dundies. This kiss was the way a first kiss should be. They hesitated before pressing sweetly into each other. They pulled apart and he rested his forehead on hers. It was better than he ever imagined.

He cupped her face and brought his lips to hers again. He pulled her on top of him on the couch. One arm was on her back, the other rested behind her head. She ran her hands through his hair. Each kiss was deeper and more passionate than the next. She moaned softly as he trailed kisses down her neck. Neither one heard the front door open.

“Whoa! I’m sorry, buddy. I, um,…Is that Pam?” Mark, Jim’s roommate, had come home from work. He walked back out the front door as fast he had come in.

Breathing heavily, Jim and Pam sat up.

Jim broke the awkward silence. “Did that just really happen? Or I’m high on flu medication?”

Pam had her face in her hands but lifted her head laughing. “I think you need to read the side effects warning a little better.”

Jim held her hand and ran his thumb across the top of her hand. It was a perfect fit.

“I have to go home now.” He nodded. “I have to tell Roy tonight. I’ve been thinking all day about what I was going to say to him.”

“What are you going to say?”

She shrugged. “So far, its ‘Hey Roy, how was your day? I think we break up.’” She sighed, “Hey, can I ask you a question?” He nodded. “Why didn’t you give me that card earlier?”

He smiled weakly. “I was afraid.”

“Yeah, me too. I couldn’t say anything until I knew for sure what you’d say.”

They stood up. He kissed her on the forehead. “Thank you for making brownies.”

She smiled and kissed him again before going to the door.

After she closed the front door, Jim went back to the door and opened it again. “Mark, you can come in now.” Mark looked embarrassed as he stood up from the porch, hands in his pockets.

“I thought you called in sick today.”

“I did. Pam brought me a care package.”

Chapter 4: Another Sick Day

The next day.

“I hope you feel better tomorrow. OK, talk to you later.” Ryan hung up the phone and knocked on Michael’s door. His hands were full of phone messages.

“Ryan Howard aka ’Hottest in the Office,’ waazuup?”

Ryan shook his head and looked up at the ceiling before responding, “I brought all of your phone messages.” He took a step forward to leave the messages on Michael’s desk.

“Read them to me.“ Michael leaned back in his chair, hands behind his head.

Ryan looked doubtfully at Michael, “Can’t you read them yourself?”

“I’m a busy, busy man, Ryan. Just read them out loud to me.”

Ryan takes a deep, frustrated breath. “First, Meredith won’t be in today. She’s having emergency dental surgery today. Next, Phyllis sprained her ankle last night. She’s not going to make it in. Angela called to say that one of her cats is sick and she has to take it to the vet.” Michael laughed out loud.

“Sorry, continue.”

“Toby’s daughter is sick and he has to stay with her.”

“Likely excuse! I bet he’s playing hooky today. I’ll have Dwight investigate.”

Ryan shuffled through his pile of messages. “Yeah, OK. Oscar won’t be in - he’s got the flu again. Kevin’s allergies are bothering him. Kelly’s car broke down and she’ll be at the mechanics all day. Creed - he hasn’t called but he’s not here, so I assume he’s sick. Jim called and he’s still not feeling very well. He said that he talked to Pam this morning and she’s going to be out too. He said not to call her at her house though. Dwight called-”

“You’re not telling me that Dwight is sick too!”

Ryan nodded.

Michael scratched his head. “Dwight never misses a day of work. Superior immune system, my ass! This is unbelievable that this many people are out sick. Unbelievable! When I am going to get those biannual sales reports? Dwight has them now.” Michael looked distressed. “Did anyone show up today.”

“Stanley’s here.”

“Reliable Stan the man. Good guy, that Stanley. What else?”

“Todd Packer called and said…,” Ryan paused and shook his head in disbelief.”

“Come on, what did Pac Man have to say?”

“He said your mom was great last night.”

“What? My mom is dead.” Michael looked upset but then he laughed as he got the joke. “That Packer, always a comedian!”

Ryan pulled the last messages out of his pile. “Also, Roy from the warehouse called and gave his two week notice. He said that Pam could tell you why he’s quitting. I told him that Pam was out sick today. Then he cussed me out but I didn‘t write those down.” Ryan looked up from his post-it note. “I didn’t really appreciate it. I just answer the phone.”

Ryan placed the pile of telephone messages on Michael’s desk. “And now that I think about it, I’m not really feeling very well myself. Can I go home early?”

Michael threw his hands up in the air and stood up. “Sure, whatever. You know what, Ryan, I think I’ll take a sick day too. I’ll just deal with the biannual sales reports tomorrow. I don’t want to deal with Jan today.”

Michael picked up his jacket and walked out of his office.

He yelled to Stanley, “Stanley, you’re in charge today. Hold down the fort. Keep the ship afloat. O Captain, my captain!”

Stanley muttered “Idiot” under his breath before picking up the telephone again.

Michael neither heard nor cared. He wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and wake up to the smell of bacon cooking on his George Foreman grill.
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Michael spoke to the camera in his office, “Today is Friday. And despite the fact that almost everyone was out sick at some point in this week, it was a productive week here at Dunder Mifflin.”

“You know what I found out? The biannual sales reports are actually due today, not Monday, like I thought. I was really on the ball with this one! Jan was looking out for me. Isn’t obvious how much this woman is crazy for Michael Scott!”

“The best part of the week is that our own little Jimmy and Pammy finally got together. I feel like I was their matchmaker. You know, I sent Pam over to Jim’s house to retrieve the report. Now that I think about it - Jan and I brought Jim and Pam together. Jan requested that the sales reports be done. So that makes me, like, Cupid or something. Except I would a handsome, well-dressed Cupid. No diaper wearing baby for me! And Jan would be my assistant. Jan would be my…my Vanna White.”

Michael paused as the camera operator asked a question. “Did I get the biannual sales reports in on time? Well, they are supposed to be faxed to corporate by noon. What time is it right now? 12:37. Dammit!” Michael stormed out of his office. “Pam!”