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Instincts

“Sorry…I didn’t think anyone was here,” she said as she took notice of the tall form leaning against the adjacent car. His face was cast mostly in shadows, but it was the unmistakable lanky silhouette of Jim Halpert. She slammed her car door shut, and removed the cellophane wrapper enveloping the pack of cigarettes she had just retrieved from the glove compartment. “I can go smoke elsewhere if it bothers you.”

“No, no, go ahead. Don’t mind me.” Jan lit her cigarette, its red glowing tip shining in the darkened parking lot. She took a drag, the smoke filling her lungs. The nicotine combined with the two, three, or four drinks she had had earlier made her feel incredibly relaxed for a moment. Considering the general unpleasantness of the evening, this was an unexpected surprise.

“I’m surprised to see you here. I thought you had left… Is everything okay?” Jan could sense that everything was not peachy keen, but in general, she didn’t like to insinuate herself into employees’ private affairs. God knows she wished the whole company wasn’t aware of her personal tribulations. However, the buzzing feeling in Jan’s head had let curiosity get the better of her.

“Not exactly, no…” he said as he walked toward her, and leaned besides her against her car. His face was dimly lit by street lamps, and he appeared to have been crying. He swallowed audibly. “Can I ask you a question? I usually wouldn’t, but…” His voice trailed off.

She nodded.

“Do you think we are our own worst enemies? I mean, I want to be happy, yet every time I think I am making a step in that direction, I end up farther away from it.” The words spilled out of his mouth. “By the way, that would be the technical definition of the word ‘loser.’”

She heard him snicker, and she chuckled in return, but it was a bitter laugh. “You are going in the right direction by taking an assistant regional manager position in Stamford. It is a great stepping stone to help you get a job with corporate.” However, she suspected that getting a position in the corporate office was not Jim’s main concern, since he had passed on offers of advancement a number of times.

“That’s true… I guess I was thinking more about my personal life. Or lack thereof,” he said in a sad monotone.

“I don’t think I can help you there... I don’t have the greatest track record. My divorce, Michael…” She shook her head in dismay. “I guess we do contribute to our own downfall.” Her voice had a tone of resignation in it.

The heady feeling she had experienced a few minutes ago was fading fast, cooled by the evening breeze that had suddenly picked up. She wrapped her arms around her chest. “Getting divorced was the right choice for me though. Even if it doesn’t exactly qualify me to give advice on relationships, I’m glad I followed my instincts on that one. I prefer to reason things out, but sometimes, a gut feeling is all you have to go on.”

“Thanks, Jan.” He rested his left hand lightly on her shoulder. “I think I needed to hear that. I am gonna grab my iPod from my desk, and head home. Have a good night.”

“You too. Let’s talk tomorrow afternoon about your transfer.”

She saw him walk towards the building’s main entrance, his back a little straighter. She threw the reminder of her cigarette on the ground, crushing it with the heel of her shoe. She headed back inside the warehouse, thinking that she needed to follow her own advice.