Wow. What an opener! Aside from being hilarious, the episode gave us major JAM developments. Many have stated that the JAM resolution was hurried, lacked emotional depth, and was out of character. Initially, I agreed with this perception. However, after repeated viewings and pensive thought I've come to a completely different conclusion. The 45 seconds (or so) of after kiss footage is packed with meaning and emotion. Pam's reaction was indeed in alignment with previous behavior patterns.

The Kiss Aftermath:

Pam initially responds to the kiss in a positive way. Jim has given her the reassurance she needs to let out her feelings, even if only for a moment. She also felt safe enough to admit that the kiss was something she's also wanted to do for a long time. She still views Jim as her safety net, even though her fear is now centered on him. She is not necessarily afraid of him, but rather the relationship he's proposing.

She searches his face for answers after she says "Me too." Even though she is still allowing her emotions to run free, she is oddly still looking to him for strength and for how she should respond next. This is a very confusing place for her to be. It's highly probable that she did not want to reveal her feelings to him as quickly as she did due to the fact that this will take her to a place she fears the most; the unknown. She wasn't ready to deal with Jim's revelation earlier in the evening and now he has raised the bar to a higher level. She feels like she's backed into a corner, hence the momentary lapse in suppressing her emotions.

She was clearly overwhelmed by the situation and quickly reassembles her emotional defense barriers. She does this mainly because she is not ready to deal with her emotions regarding Jim. She has not had the same amount of time or freedom as Jim to explore her feelings. This is the first time she's really allowed herself to openly express and experience these feelings. Furthermore, it's the first time she's ever given Jim an undeniable indicator of how she feels about him, which in turn creates a sense of apprehension.

Pam starts to go into panic mode after she realizes she's revealed too much. She's desperate to find a way out of it. Pam's defense mode is noticeably weaker than during Jim's confession, mainly because her feelings are overwhelming her and they are creating a massive internal conflict. She hasn't been able to bottle it up yet and bury it as per her normal course of action. She is perhaps still under the spell of that kiss (who wouldn't be!).

Trying to escape, she brings up that they both might be drunk. This comment serves two purposes:

1. She is trying to find an excuse for why she let Jim kiss her in the first place and why she kissed him back without having to fully confront the fact that she loves Jim.

2. She's trying to send a signal to Jim not to pursue this any further. She needs him to back off; she's not ready.

She instantly realizes that Jim is not buying it or backing down. We can safely assume this because she is honest with him when he asks if she's drunk she admits "No."This is another emotional lapse. Again, she is admitting how she feels. However, she's still not ready to deal with her emotions. The tone of the "no"is very important here. She's realizing that her drunk excuse is lame and invalid, which causes her to wonder, If I'm not drunk, then what is it? The answer to that question is more than she can handle. She is slowly realizing the extent of her love for Jim and it terrifies her.

Adding to her fear is Jim's persistence. Jim pushes it further when he leans in for another kiss, causing her fear level to spike. This fear spike allows for her to suppress her feelings. This is also the moment her moral center fully reawakens. Her moral center is going to provide the escape she is desperate to achieve. Her fear and sense of being overwhelmed are apparent in her breathing just before she stops him. Her breath is sudden and trembling. She simply says his name, but really she is again saying, "I can't."She can't allow him to do it again, as she has barely regained her composure from the last kiss! Jim stepped over the line with the first kiss. A second kiss is too much, too fast, and way too far over the line.

Pam's moral center brings back that sense of obligation in her commitment to Roy. Even though she let her feelings for Jim come out, she still will not do anything about them as long as she is with Roy. Running to Jim at this point is wrong regardless of whether or not she's ready to leave Roy. Roy is still in the picture and Pam doesn't have it in her to cheat on any level.

In order to regain some normalcy, Pam restores her personal safety net by reverting to the notion that she is going to marry Roy. She has used this as a way to hide from her feelings throughout Season 2. She knows this will cause Jim to back down, as it has in the past. Pam's longstanding fears of the unknown are coming back to haunt her. Jim is offering her a new relationship that has no guarantees. She is experiencing emotions that are new, confusing, uncertain, and insecure.

As a result she brings herself to the one constant in her life to dispel the chaos: her impending marriage to Roy. As she nods in response to Jim's "You're really going to marry him,"she looks resigned to the fact that this is the right choice. The nod itself also has deeper meaning. This is the gentlest way to let Jim down. She knows he is already hurt and she doesn't want to make it worse. There is really nothing more she can say.

Bottom Line: She is simply not ready to contemplate a new relationship with Jim.

Current Status:

The events of Casino Night served as the catalyst Pam needed to make some serious changes in her life. Granted, she didn't make these changes until a few days before her wedding. Nonetheless, Jim succeeded in shaking her emotional core. She is more aware of her feelings, but she is still not ready to act on them.

Her experience with Jim helped her to realize that her relationship with Roy is no longer needed. She stated that she "needed to get out of that relationship," which tells me that Jim made her realize how Roy is stifling her as a person. Jim gave her the freedom to be herself and now that he's gone, she no longer has that freedom. So, she breaks away from Roy as a way to get that freedom back.

A large part of this break is the fact that Pam realizes she no longer loves Roy and has huge doubts about the relationship in general. She gives cold feet as the reason for backing out of the wedding, but offers no details. She won't talk about Jim, but we can reasonably assume that her reasons revolve around him.

For the first time, Pam is ready to explore a future without Roy. This never would have happened without Jim. He gave her the courage to step out on her own, when he asked her to be with him. This was the first time she thought about being with someone else on a conscious level. It's also possible her cold feet originated from the fact that she allowed Jim to kiss her. Pam can't marry Roy when she is able to and wants to kiss someone else. However, it took almost a month to get the courage to act on her feelings!

She may have mustered up the courage to leave Roy, but she didn't have enough leftover to go after Jim. Part of this lies again with her moral center. She still cares about Roy and doesn't want to hurt him by being with someone else right away, especially Jim. On the other hand, she's still not ready to be with Jim. She's just left a long-term relationship and she's no about to go jumping into another one.

Pam needs time to be alone and discover who she is without Roy and perhaps work through her emotional idiosyncrasies concerning Jim. She needs to find herself and what she wants. Pam has already found her independence by having her own apartment. This is a huge leap for Pam as she is afraid of the unknown, but it fits with her need to be alone.

She is also taking part in art classes, which is her way to break the restrictions Roy had placed on her dreams. She didn't go for the internship in Boys and Girls, so now she is taking steps towards achieving her dreams. These actions solidify Pam's resolved to make it on her own. This surge of confidence originated from Jim, as she was reliant on him for her self worth, but she has learned to transfer some of this reliance to herself.

She is still in a fragile state, due to the fact that this is all very new and uncharted. We can realistically assume that Pam has no doubt that she made the right decision. She treats Roy with an air of indifference when he comes by to bring her lunch. It is obvious that she considers the relationship over.

Even though Pam is moving on from Roy, she is having difficulty moving away from Jim. She misses him. She's realizing how much of a fixture he was in her life. We see this in several instances. She keeps looking up and staring at Ryan in Jim's old desk. This is a combination of habit and wishful thinking. She's hasn't adjusted to his absence. The fact that he crossed the line before she was ready is inconsequential. She still wants him in her life. This, however, creates a conflict.

She may want him in her life, but she knows she can't handle him in her life. We see her fighting the impulse to think about him throughout the episode. We also see Pam reverting to her Jim habits. The absence of Jim has created a void in her life. In the conference room she leans over to Ryan to laugh at Michael's antics. She is startled and saddened when to realize its not Jim sitting next to her.

This void is furthered when Jim's gaydar package arrives for Dwight (excuse me while I have a little chuckle. God, that was funny). Pam laughs as Dwight uses it, appreciating Jim's humor as she always has. Nevertheless, she is saddened that she can't share the moment with Jim. She is feeling his presence and that accentuates the void of his absence. Again, she is realizing how much she needs him and is further realizing her feelings for him. The longer she is without him, the more ready she becomes to explore those feelings and eventually act on them.

Bottom Line: Pam has found the courage to leave Roy and start over. But, she does not have the courage to face her feelings for Jim.

- - -

I was hoping the season premiere would clear up my multiple personality disorder, but clearly the JAM optimist and pessimist are still in play. Even though this episode is remarkably in the JAM optimist's favor, the pessimist has enough scraps to hang on!

JAM Optimist:

- She's not married
- She broke up with Roy
- It was her decision to call off the wedding
- She let Jim see some of her feelings
- She allowed Jim to hold her hands
- She misses Jim
- She's taking time for herself

JAM Pessimist:

- She's found her independence and she may not need Jim anymore.
- She turned him down again, despite the fact that she had the perfect opportunity to say yes.
- She's not ready and may never be ready.

What makes this particular analysis so difficult is that there are a number of unknown variables. Here's a list of what we don't know that will have an impact on the accuracy of the above analysis:

1. Does Roy know about the events of Casino Night?

2. Has there been any contact between Jim and Pam?

3. How did Jim and Pam acted around one another prior to his departure? When did Jim leave?

It's interesting to watch Pam evolve as a person. She is really making an effort to become a self-assured and independent person. In The Coup we see her making some strides in reinventing herself. The JAM optimist is jumping for joy. Pam is doing everything that will eventually be necessary for JAM to happen. The JAM pessimist, on the other hand, has more reason to believe that Pam will move on without Jim. I'm starting to wonder if these two personalities will become permanent fixtures in my subconscious.

JAM Optimist:

1. Pam is hanging out with different people.

In this episode Pam seems to have furthered her friendship with Kelly. She is also hanging out with the women of the Scranton branch. This is something we've never really seen Pam do. In fact it detracts from a previous statement she made in Boys and Girls. She mentioned that she doesn't really have much in common with any of the women she works with. Pam has lost her best friend and fiancé so now she is desperately searching for someone to help her find her new identity.

Pam has decided to surround herself with women instead of men. This is due largely in part for her need to build her new sense of self without a man. As it turns out, Kelly has provided Pam with new confidence in the last two episodes. She is the one that encouraged Pam to date by fixing her up with a blind date. She is also influenced Pam to buy new clothes online. Kelly genuinely wants to help Pam and be her friend. Kelly made Pam smile with her mention of a fashion show. This suggestion gave Pam the nerve to do something she normally wouldn't. Pam actually looked excited (after initially shying away) at the prospect of showing off her new look, due to Kelly's encouragement and support. This is something Pam needs in order to rebuild her life. This may also prevent her from running back to Roy.

The more comfortable Pam becomes in her new skin, the better it becomes for the JAM Optimist. It is necessary for her to find her identity without Roy, and even without Jim. Jim is obviously on her mind, but she is purposely avoiding him in order to focus on herself. The more she does this, the further away from Roy she will move. It is inevitable that during her voyage of self-discovery, that she will come across her feelings for Jim at some point. Her newfound strength will help her face her feelings for Jim when the situation calls.

Jim will eventually be an individual she will have to face again (he will eventually return via some kind of communication or back to Scranton). She still has not mentioned Jim in her talking heads or during conversation with co-workers. She still isn't ready. She needs to know herself before she can even begin to contemplate the possibility of a relationship with Jim. Pam's new friends will help her find her new identity.

2. Pam is building confidence.

The fact that Pam is moving in new directions, speaks volumes about her resolve to change her life for the better. Even though we saw just a small step in buying new clothes, it's actually a giant leap. With encouragement from Kelly she is brave enough to buy something that shows off her figure. Furthermore, she tries it on and puts on a little "fashion show" for her female co-workers. She is a little insecure when she first comes out, but is quickly reassured when told she looks good. We even see her strike a little pose!

Pam is really stepping out of her box and comfort zone. This really creates a sense of empowerment for Pam. She gets another shot of confidence when Roy take notice and tells her she looks nice. Her response to him shows her new confidence. She has an expression that tells him, Yes I know I look good, this is what you are missing. This is going to do so much for Pam's self confidence and self perception. She knows Roy wants her back, and she loves it. He hasn't noticed her in years, and now he is.

It remains to be seen how this will impact Pam perception of Roy. Granted, we still see Pam's old behavior of self-consciousness, and that will never totally go away. It's just part of her personality. In her talking head she was unsure about her clothing purchases, but still chooses to keep them in order to break her habit of after work pajamas. She was also creeped out by Creed (weren't we all?) which brought back a high self of being self conscious and she changed back into her normal outfit. We are, however, seeing her take chances and try new things.

For the JAM optimist this is immensely important. The only time we ever saw Pam take chances previously, was with Jim. Her strength was completely tied to him. With Jim gone, Pam has had to find this strength within herself (and with the help of new friends). By the looks of things in Stamford, she is going to need a load of strength to hang onto Jim. She is going to have to make the moves and hold onto him, despite his possible attachment to someone else. We need Pam to have enough confidence and strength to face her feelings for Jim and eventually act on them.

The ball is absolutely in her court, now more than ever. It's important to understand that Pam's confidence building program is slow. She is inching along. It will be awhile before we see Pam strong enough to focus her attention on Jim. She has a long way to go. Plus, its safe to assume that she will stumble along the way. On the bright side, Pam is well aware that she is making progress and will continue to work towards her new life.

JAM Pessimist:

1. Pam is getting confident.

Pam's road to building confidence will eventually cause her to be self sufficient enough to move past needing Jim. She will no longer need him to support her. A large part of Pam's connection to Jim has to do with how he supported her and gave her confidence. She's moving in the direction of being able to that on her own. She is becoming a different person. She may "grow out of" Jim. She may find that she needs a different kind of man.

2. Pam liked it when Roy noticed her.

Pam really likes it when Roy told her she looked nice. He hasn't noticed her in years and now he is. Pam may take this as a signal that Roy is changing. She is at a vulnerable point in her life. She is surrounded with change that is sometimes overwhelming. It might be tempting to return to something familiar. Especially when Roy is now giving her the attention she wanted from him when they were together.

3. She has yet to mention Jim.

Pam has only barely acknowledged Jim with her facial expressions. These only come out when she thinks no one is watching. Otherwise, she remains tight-lipped about Jim. She has not even come close to mentioning him in her talking heads or in conversation with co-workers. The longer she avoids him, the larger the divide will become. It's very possible that Pam has decided to make a clean break.

Some Questions to Ponder:

1. Will Pam call Jim?
2. Is Kelly a good friend for Pam?
3. Will Pam rekindle a relationship with Roy?
4. What will Pam's reaction be when she sees Jim again? (You know it will happen!)
5. Is Pam's resolve to reinvent herself a phase? Do you think she will revert to her old ways?

Finally! After months of no interaction, Jim and Pam cross paths on an accidental phone encounter. The conversation itself was a return to Pam and Jim's deep connection to one another. Even though they kept the conversation light and friendly, there are deeper connotations.

There is more than one conversation going on here, both in what is being said and what is not being said. Both carefully avoided the awkward topic of Casino Night and subsequent events. Both are thankful for the familiarity of each other, as neither has experienced this type of familiarity in months. Neither Jim nor Pam are going to bring up anything that will detract from this sense of comfort, despite the obvious tensions and awkwardness. There's effort on both sides to preserve the comfortable aspects of their prior relationship.

Pam handled herself quite well, despite the fact that she was caught off guard.
After her initial shock of hearing his voice, she was happy to hear from him. It's obvious that Pam's new sense of confidence surely helped her find the strength to talk to Jim. Both the JAM optimist and pessimist are grabbing at arguments to support their viewpoints. Each side has a little something to grab onto!

I will be breaking from my normal pattern of dividing the JAM optimist and pessimist viewpoints. There is so much footage, that I will revert to a scene-by-scene analysis followed by brief optimist and pessimist arguments that relate back to the analysis.

Beginning of Conversation:

Pam is totally shocked when she hears Jim's voice on the phone. This is followed closely by fear. All the feelings she's been burying are now right in front of her with no escape. She has no choice but to face them head on. Luckily, Pam has built up enough confidence to keep her from cracking or running away. Despite her shock and fear she also has a deeper emotion of being glad to hear his voice.

We see this come to life after Jim says "Hi" to her a second time. Pam needed to feel that Jim had no ill will towards her. She really had no idea how he felt about her following Casino Night. She felt comfortable enough to give him a softer and more friendly "Hi." However, there is still some hesitancy and awkwardness in the air. Pam is thankful for the open-ended question that Jim poses in regards her still being at work. It gives her an answer she doesn't have to think about and shifts the topic of conversation to Michael.

Pam loves it that Jim asks for a copy of Michael's daily activity log. This is a nice reversion to their previous relationship of friendship. However, this leads to an awkward silence in which neither knows what to say next. It's here that we know Pam wants to hear more from Jim. She is actually waiting for him to say something to further the conversation. He has, after all, been the catalyst for the conversation thus far. When he doesn't say anything, she jumps in and breaks the silence with "so." The awkward exchange of words that ensues flusters Pam.

It goes back and forth a couple times until Jim throws the ball in Pam's court when he says "I'm sorry, go ahead." At this point Pam is cornered and panicking. She doesn't know what to say so she comes up with the old stand by of "everything is pretty much the same here."It's a safe conversation starter, but Pam feels silly saying it, especially after such an awkward exchange beforehand. She probably would've like to come up with something a little more interesting. Her emotions begin to seep into the conversation. She goes on to say that things are "a little different."Hidden in this statement is her admission that she misses him (Jim picked up on it too - but I'll save that for The Jim Paradox!). She is letting him know that it just isn't the same without him. There is a hint of sadness in her voice that gives away her feelings on his absence.

Pam realizes this as well and again becomes flustered. It is getting too emotional and she isn't ready to face those emotions yet. Both are trying very hard to avoid the awkwardness associated with the Casino Night and their subsequent lack of communication. Pam is desperate to find a way out of the awkwardness and emotional weight of the conversation without ending it. She misses him so much and if feel so good to hear his voice. Out of her nervousness she asks another question without really thinking about it. When she asks about the time, she doesn't really care about the answer. She is trying to save face and keep him on the phone. It comes out weird and she again feels silly.

Jim actually puts her at ease by how he answers it in a teasing fashion. He gives her the comfort level she needs to laugh at herself and calm her nervousness. This calming effect lasts longer when Jim asks playfully, "How far did you think we were?"Pam again slips into a more emotional state when she answers "I don't know, it felt far."She is again telling him she misses him. Jim in turn responds with "yeah,"which in turn lets her know that he misses her too. Both are able to pick up on the innuendo, so it isn't necessary to come right out and say it.

They share a close connection that exists beyond the words spoken, it extends to what is not being said. Both are aware that the other is not ready to explore the emotions associated with their past. This exchange brings back the closeness that both have missed for so long. It's enough for Pam to know that Jim misses her, (and likewise for Jim). That being said, neither is ready to go beyond that emotionally, but it does opens the door for further conversation. Both want the conversation to continue, but without the emotionally awkward baggage. They need the familiarity of their connection, so they are going to revert to a lighter mode of conversation that is reminiscent of their prior friendship.

How fast can you type?:

After the initial awkwardness we see Pam and Jim fall into the familiar pattern of playful banter that characterized their relationship before the kiss. This is actually a defense mechanism. We've seen this very mechanism used throughout season one and two. In order to avoid facing her feelings for Jim, Pam always engaged in playful lighthearted conversations, humor, and even a little light flirting. It's a nice distraction and it's innocent enough to mask the serious emotions she has for him. This is something both of them have engaged in for different reasons. Pam has always needed this mechanism to stay true to her moral center. She needed to see Jim as only a friend.

In this scenario however, everything has changed. She is now more worried about how Jim is perceiving her following the events of Casino Night. She is afraid that she's lost his good favor. She is also still unwilling and unable to fully contemplate her feelings for Jim. She is still in the same boat as before: she is not ready. She may no longer be attached to Roy, but she is still not ready to be with Jim. This defense mechanism helps her feel out Jim's perception toward her (is he mad, hurt, etc) and gives her the ability to keep her feelings hidden until she's ready to deal with them.

Pam is also dealing with a large amount of guilt. She hasn't come to terms with hurting Jim yet. She knows he left because of her and that is a hard thing to swallow. She is not sure how to even address this with Jim or herself and therefore wants to avoid it all costs. This defense mechanism is helping to keep all that buried for now.

We see Pam go along with Jim's light conversation regarding typing speed in order to satisfy her need to keep her emotions pushed down. She seems thrilled to be able to talk to her best friend again, despite recent events. Jim's playful tone gives her the reassurance that she can lay down her fears of Jim's possible resentment towards her. It's a welcome and needed conversation.

She even feels reassured enough to tease him. Again, the smile on her face shows how much she is enjoying this little reunion. She is laughing with him and teasing him the same way she did when he was in Scranton. There is even a little flirting going on as she pokes fun at his typing skills and laughs. She likes hearing his jokes again, as he always had a knack for making her laugh. As established in previous posts, humor was a major connecting factor for these two.

Not only is this conversation of defense mechanism, it is an escape route. Pam's life is full of change and Jim is giving her something familiar. He is giving her an escape from her uncertainty with the comfort of his voice and laugh. Even if just for a little while, things feel as they were before. Neither wants to bring up the events of Casino Night, so this light random conversation allows them to rekindle their connection without having to talk about a painful situation. Pam is particularly thankful for this as she is the one with the most explaining to do. The ball was in her court and she did not make a move before he left. This light conversation gives her that safety net she needs.

As long as the playful conversation continues she is safe from having to deal with her emotions, nor does she have to talk to Jim about Casino Night, (interestingly, Jim is once again part of creating that safety net). Plus, she is able to reconnect with her best friend. Pam desperately wants her friend back. She has yet to find a connection with anyone else since Jim left. She is trying with Kelly, but there is no substitute for Jim.

Movie Story:

An obviously large amount of time has passed. The conversation has grown more in depth and familiar. Almost all elements of awkwardness have disappeared. It's this part of the conversation that we learn Pam has told Jim all about her new apartment and basically her new life. Supposedly this took place prior to the noticeable cut, which was in place to show the passage of time. The prior portion of the conversation probably gave Pam the reassurance and comfort level she needed to be able to tell him about her life without Roy.

After the cut, Pam is telling Jim a story about how she'd mixed up "28 Days" with "28 Days Later" while at Blockbuster. Part of reason Pam tells this story is that she knows Jim will get a kick out of it. She is encouraging him to tease her and wants him to laugh. There are, however, a multitude of deeper meanings associated with Pam's descriptions within her story. Pam reveals a lot about herself and her emotional state without even realizing it. She starts out describing that all she wanted was a comfortable night at home alone. She goes on to describe how scary the movie was. This creates a vivid picture of her scared and alone in her apartment. This oddly parallels the reality of her life. She is embarking on whole new part of her life and it is a little scary. Plus, she is having to do it on her own. This is an insight into her vulnerability. She is still in a fragile state.

On another level, Pam is comfortable enough to tell Jim about being on her own and admit her weaknesses. This is of course all under the guise of friendly conversation! It's actually kind of cute how Pam defended herself in regards to her mistake in picking the wrong movie title. She probably knew Jim would give her a hard time and relished in her ability to make him laugh. It's another example of the desire she has to reconnect with Jim.

Jim does in fact tease her and calls her "fancy new Beesly." Pam is delighted with this nickname and continues the playfulness, by poking fun at her new living conditions. The sarcasm in her voice is actually an invitation for Jim to continue his teasing. This is another strive towards raising the comfort level between them. They've always connected by either picking on Dwight or on each other. It's the humor connection, again!

It's easy to sense the pride Pam has in all she has accomplished since Jim left. She's on her own, she has her own apartment, and she has reinvented herself. She is happy to be able to share it with him. This is a tricky topic to address as it can easily lead to the topic of the wedding cancellation and the tensions between them. Hence, the sarcasm and joking manner in which she addresses her apartment. She knows to keep it light and funny in order to avoid having the conversation spiral into emotionally heavy and awkward topics.

End of Call:

In the middle of Jim and Pam's banter on her apartment, Ryan enters the office. His haggard state elicits concern from Pam. She is naturally a kind and compassionate person, so she is willing to interrupt her attention to the conversation to check up on Ryan. Unfortunately, this breaks her concentration. She accidentally takes her hand off the phone and tells Ryan goodbye. Jim takes it the wrong way and Pam and realizes it right away. She immediately tries to save the conversation, but the awkwardness has already come back. She knows Jim thinks she is trying to get out of the conversation, or just trying to get off the phone. She's afraid that he thinks she was trying to get rid of him.

Another awkward series of words are exchanged. Both are trying to save to conversation, unaware that the other is doing the same thing. Both are now under the impression that the other is trying to get out of the call. Pam falls into the natural trap of asking Jim if he has to go. When he says "yeah," she does the next second nature thing of saying she should probably go as well (c'mon we've all done it!). Her regret with this statement is immediately obvious. She desperately wants to save the conversation. She makes one more effort, but soon after realizes the futility of it with "I mean . . . yeah." The flow and playfulness of the conversation has been broken and replaced with the initial awkwardness and hints of the hurt that exists between them.

Interestingly, she waits for Jim to revive the conversation. She's hoping he can find something funny or light to say to bring it back. Silence is all that follows. She is also unwilling to be the first to say goodbye. She doesn't want to let him go, its all over her face. This is the closest she's had him in her life for months. The call itself reminded her of how much she needs him. It also means she can no longer hide behind the conversation. All of her feelings are bubbling to the surface and she knows she will have to deal with them on some level after she hangs up.

When Jim finally says goodbye, she knows it's over. Sadly, Pam has to say goodbye to him all over again. She even waits for him to hang up the phone first. Part of me believes she is still holding out hope that the conversation will start again, but realistically she having trouble letting go. While hanging up the phone, she is worried that she's hurt Jim again. She knows her accidental goodbye was taken the wrong way and she didn't get the chance to explain it to him. We see Pam then shift to an expression of longing. Talking to him has amplified how much she misses him. She has to return to the reality of her life without him. She can't help but sneak a look at Jim's empty former chair. It signifies the hole in her life that the absence of Jim has created.

Sadly, all the awkwardness and distance that was somewhat remedied during the conversation has totally come back. If anything, this part of the conversation showcases the thin veneer of the defense mechanisms in place throughout the conversation. A tiny interruption destroyed the already fragile safety nets in place. As much as they try to hide from the tension, hurt, and awkwardness between them, it's still there and needs to be dealt with. Unfortunately, neither is ready to go down that road.

Generalities:

The conversation as whole shows Jim and Pam's connection transcends all that divides them. Both feel the need to be around each other so much, that they are willing to put aside difficult emotional issues in order to hear each other's voice. They feel the void of each other's absence very deeply. They talked for a long time! This was not just a casual 15 minute conversation. The windows in Jim's office clearly show time has passed. At the beginning of the conversation the sun is still up while at the end it is clearly dark outside. We have no way of knowing how long they spoke, but the fact that two cuts were made in the conversation lends to the conclusion that is was a substantial amount of time. We need to take into consideration that they probably would've talked longer had it not been for Ryan.

Did anyone else notice the conversation was centered mostly around Pam? She didn't really step out on a limb and ask Jim about his new life. She probably avoided this topic out of fear. She may be fearful that he's found someone new. This is Pam's jealousy kicking in again. She simply isn't ready to know and/or doesn't want to know.

- - -

JAM Optimist:

1. Pam misses Jim and was happy to hear from him
2. Pam and Jim haven't lost their connection
3. Pam teased and flirted with Jim
4. Pam didn't want the conversation to end, nor did she want to say goodbye

JAM Pessimist:

1. Pam wouldn't address the issues of Casino Night. Until she (and Jim) do this, JAM will not happen.
2. The conversation ended awkwardly with a lot of pain in the air. We are essentially right back where we started. Most of the issues dividing them are still in place.
3. The conversation happened by chance. Neither intended to initiate it.

Questions to Ponder:

1. Will there be subsequent communication? If so, who will initiate and what form of communication will be used?
2. Will this conversation open Pam up to talking about Jim in her talking heads or elsewhere?
3. Who will be the first to bring up discussion regarding the events of Casino Night? (If of course it's ever brought up as a topic of conversation!)
4. If Ryan didn't interrupt, what else would Jim and Pam have talked about? How much longer would the conversation have lasted?
5. What did Pam do with the teapot Jim gave her for Christmas? (A little off topic I know, but I'm watching Christmas Party as I write this!)

The analysis for this episode will be written in three parts. There is a lot to dissect, so breaking it down into small pieces will give us a chance to discuss every little thing! 

The strength Pam exhibited in Beach Games has carried through to become a permanent fixture of her personality.  FNB is firmly entrenched as Pam's new mode of operation.  Her confidence is at an all time high and shows no signs of weakening.   She has truly found herself and no one can take that away from her.  In one of the most telling scenes in The Job, her co-workers teased her about beach day comments. 

In true FNB fashion, Pam's self assurance left no room for self-pity.  The tide has turned, leaving Old Pam as a thing of the past.  She hasn't a hint of regret for her comments or any FNB actions.  Pam is comfortable and confident with herself.  It's taken a rough year of self-discovery for Pam to reach this point and she is clearly reaping the benefits. For the first time in her life, Pam isn't intimidated by anyone in the office.  She's comfortable being herself in any situation, which is a huge shift from just a year ago. 

This in turn creates comfort regarding her feelings for Jim.  Pam knows how she feels and is no longer afraid of it.  However, she is very accepting of her current status with Jim.  Boundaries still exist no matter how much confidence or courage courses through her veins.  Pam understands Jim's point of view and his pain.  She created an open door and cleared the air on beach games, which allows for her to repair the friendship/relationship she needs with him.   She is at peace with the fact that she may never recapture the closeness that previously existed between them, but she has repaired the rift.  

If nothing more ever happens between them, Pam can walk away knowing the relationship between them is open and positive, rather than awkward, tense, and painful.  Pam is able to find happiness with this goal, as she has learned she can't expect Jim to come running back to her.  She has learned she alone is responsible for her own happiness.  Whether or not things happen with Jim is surely on her mind, but she doesn't rely on the outcome to this situation to determine her happiness.  Jim would simply be icing on a cake that took Pam a year to bake.

 Special Note: The beach day flashback scenes will be analyzed in chronological order, rather than as they appeared in the episode.  This ordering not only provides stronger continuity between Beach Games and The Job, but also allows for a better understanding of Pam's emotional status and behavior.

Beach Scene #1 - Jim responds to Pam:

From Beach Games analysis:

She nods with finality as she no longer feels the burden of the truth beating at the door to get out.  She lets out a breath and light heartedly says, "Okay, I am gonna go walk in the water now."  She is smiling again as she feels the rush of a lighter soul.  She feels better than she's felt in a long time.  She can walk away from this knowing she told Jim what she needed to tell him and has no regrets.  She smiles at herself with pride and says, "yeah, it's a good day."  She tosses a quick glance at Jim to reassure him he doesn't have to say anything.  Pam's tone throughout her speech is one of no expectations.  She didn't expect Jim to run up to her and take her in his arms.  She didn't even expect or need him to say anything.  She just needed to tell him what was on her mind.  This is a huge accomplishment for Pam, considering she didn't need anyone's acceptance of her thoughts.  She just needed Jim to listen to her.  Pam jets towards the lake to cool the pain of her feet with cold water the same way her honesty cooled the pain of her heart.

The last thing Pam expected was for Jim to follow her down to the water.  He walks to the shoreline and silently takes his place next to her.  She doesn't look at him, as she figures she has said enough.  She may not expect Jim to respond to her earlier statements, but in all actuality it is his turn to speak.  She just dropped a huge bomb on him and Pam obviously feels a little bit of angst as he allows a pause before he begins to speak.  She knows she did the right thing and she has no regrets, but she is still a little nervous about what he will say in response.  Jim lightly asks her "How are your feet?"  Pam takes this opportunity to bring a little humor to the situation to ease her nerves as well as Jim's.  She keeps her head focused on her feet as she answers, "Medium rare, thanks." 

She then looks up at him and smiles, to let him know things don't have to be awkward between them. She wants to put him at ease to allow him an opportunity to speak freely with her without worry of getting hurt or feeling the need to put up his wall.  Humor has always been a connecting factor, which has allowed Jim and Pam to communicate on various levels in the past.  Pam's small comment was enough to keep the air clear and the door open as they embark on a very difficult subject of conversation.  Jim smiled in response to her comment and is noticeably more at ease.

Pam looks back down at her feet and waits for him find his words.  She makes eye contact with him as soon as he says, "The real reason I went to Stamford, was because I wanted to be . . . not here."  Pam nods slightly for her initial response and simply replies, "I know."  She's always known Jim left for Stamford because of her, but it's only recently that she understood just how much he was hurting from the events of Casino Night.  Jim's statement carries a deeper meaning and Pam picks up on that as well.  Jim is essentially telling Pam he left because he didn't want to deal with the distance, awkwardness, and the pain that resulted from Casino Night.  It's taken Pam the better part of a year to see Jim's perspective in this regard.  The relationship is fractured and filled with uncertainty.  Neither knows how to act around the other as previous open lines of communication are wrought with disconnections.  As a result, both are hurting each other unintentionally. 

 The frustration in Jim's voice matches Pam's nod as she agrees with his assessment of their situation.  Pam knows things can't go back to the way they were, but she hopes a relationship of some kind can still be salvaged if honesty exists between them.   It's here that she knows Jim isn't happy with the situation either, and he misses her, too.  This comforts Pam immensely and also adds to her confidence.

He continues to say, "And even though I came back, I just feel like I've never really . . . come back."  Pam can literally feel Jim's pain as he speaks and it's all over her face.  She is touched by the fact that Jim is showing some vulnerability around her, considering she's spent months smacking up against the tough exterior of his wall.  She is also comforted by the fact that she isn't the only one that knows Jim hasn't been himself since he came back to Scranton.  She nods slightly at him and clenches her chin and she decides how to respond to his honesty.  Pam's face is sympathetic to him, but she is still teeming with determination to be honest with him at all costs.

Jim's honesty and vulnerable admission gave Pam the confidence she needed to take things a little bit further.  She felt him grace to borders of her world, but she knows he can't find his way through the fog.  Pam takes this opportunity to be bold and lights the signal fire, "Well,  I wish you would."  Her tone is strong, yet warm as she locks her eyes with his.  She's making sure he doesn't wiggle away from her at such a critical moment. 

Pam is again extending the sentiment that she misses him, but she is sending a much stronger message this time.  Pam is making it very clear to Jim that she not only misses his absence, but she misses Old Jim.  She liked (loved) him the way he was and wants that guy to come back.  Pam is now aware that Jim isn’t happy and that concerns her a great deal.  Her simple yet poignant statement is meant to show him he can still come back and she'll be waiting for him.  It’s important he knows the door is open, but she’s careful not to force him through it as she gives him a little nudge.

 Beach Scene #2 - The Hug:

Pam’s first talking head overlaps a flashback that shows the rest of what happened at the beach.  There is a huge gap between Pam’s “I wish you would” and the friendly hug they share.  Pam tells the camera that Jim told her “he missed my friendship, too.  And I would always mean a lot to him.”  Jim’s exact words aren’t known, and neither is Pam’s exact response. 

However, the hug itself does provide some clues.  The hug is very friendly, but also very close as both hang onto each other tightly.  Pam holds on tight with both arms.  Even after the hug is over, both keeping one hand on the other for a few seconds.  Pam’s left hand lingers on his back.  It felt good to be so close to him and she doesn’t want to let him go, but she knows she must.  Pam’s face is decidedly relieved as the air remains clear and things are warmer between them.  His response more than she expected and she is happy that he responded in such a positive way.   Pam walked away from the beach knowing she will not have to face Jim’s cold shoulder anymore.

Jim’s Haircut:

Pam is busy talking to Kevin and Meredith when Jim walks in sporting his new haircut.  Pam is surprised at Jim’s new look.  She smiles in his direction, but she’s not sure what to make of it.  It doesn’t look like “him.”  There’s no doubt he looks great, but to Pam it’s another indicator that the Old Jim she misses so much is disappearing more and more.  Her Jim wears his shirts with the sleeves rolled up, his ties askew, and his hair flops happily over his forehead. 

Pam is curious to hear the reason behind his new look, but Jim never offers an explanation.  Instead, she watches both Kevin and Meredith give him a hard time about his makeover.  Kevin tells him he looks “worse” while Meredith tells him he looks “sexy hot.”  Andy then steps in and proclaims Jim’s new nickname to be “Big Haircut.”  Pam is quick to sense that all these comments are making Jim immensely uncomfortable and self-conscious. 

She calls out to him, “Hey, I think it looks great.”  Pam knew Jim needed a compliment.  She is careful to keep it casual, so as to not make him any more self-conscious.  However, she manages to instill warmth in her tone to ease his discomfort.  She’s not sure if she really likes it, but nonetheless she wanted to offer her support.  He thankfully accepts her compliment and sends a little non-verbal message of “I really needed that,“ and she understood.  The camera pans back to Pam and her face wears a smile, but her eyes are nostalgic.  Despite the haircut and suit, Pam still saw a little piece of the shy and self conscious Old Jim who needed her. 

Talking Head #1:

Pam’s face is vibrant as she continues to exude confidence.  She tells the camera, “After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it.”  It’s immediately apparent that Pam still has no regrets for what she said and did at the beach.  She is, in fact, proud of herself.  She smiles as she speaks and maintains eye contact with the camera.  There isn’t a hint of embarrassment or self-doubt.  This is all the more proof that Pam was honest with Jim for herself and nothing else. 

Pam then starts to paraphrase some of the things Jim said to her at the beach, “He just basically said that he missed my friendship too.”  It means a lot to her that he openly acknowledged he missed her, too.  She’s not alone in missing their friendship and that is incredibly comforting.  Pam continues to say, “And I would always mean a lot to him.”  Her voice softens as she is warmed by the fact that she holds a special place in his heart.  It’s more than she ever expected and she’s thankful for her little corner in Jim’s world. 

She then replies, “And I understand where he is coming from.”  Pam isn’t hurt by Jim’s reaction at all.  It was more than she expected and she is at peace with how things are between them.  Pam hit a new level of awareness in Beach Games which has carried through to The Job.  The motivations for her outburst were to simply be honest, but she walked away with a sense of relief and a new acceptance of her situation with Jim.  Pam now fully understands that Jim’s heart was broken and she is at the root of his pain.   She’s learned to accept the fact that his emotional status is the direct result of her actions on Casino Night.  She has owned up to her past mistakes and has forgiven herself. 

All she can do is let him know she is aware she hurt him and try to salvage to friendship with open communication.  Pam realizes the healthy thing to hope for is the friendship and she has the patience she foster that relationship.  It doesn’t mean she’s giving up on him, it simply means she knows there isn’t much else she can do besides leaving the door open.  She can’t push too hard, if at all.  Pam has essentially told herself, “I hurt him and I can’t expect too much from him right now.“ She has to accept the situation as it stands for her own sanity and well-being. 

Pam has already figured out how to make herself happy and she wants to the same for Jim, whether he decides to stay with Karen or return to her.  If it happens with Jim she’ll be thrilled, but if it doesn’t she will still be happy with herself.  As Pam recalls the events of beach day, her voice overlaps the hug she shares with Jim on the shoreline.  Her face is one of relief, but it also carries her new understanding of Jim.  A new line of open communication was opened that night.  Both realized that the other was hurting and that provided a place to start rebuilding, at the very least, a friendship. Pam is at the point where she’ll be happy for positive relations with Jim that aren’t awkward and cold. 

Pam’s confidence and self assertiveness shines through again as she declares “For the record, I am not embarrassed at all. She again maintains strong eye contact with the camera.  There’s no doubt she means what she says.  This isn’t for show, but rather a true representation of Pam’s feelings.  She is done hiding from the camera or anyone else.  She takes it further and says, “It needed to be said and I said it.”  Pam is again reiterating she has no regrets and knows she did the right thing for herself regardless of how things turn out with Jim.  Her relationship with Jim may have improved but the most important aspect of all is the fact that she came out of this with a clear conscious and new stronger sense of self. 

Pam caps off her talking head with a final self realization, “And it only took me three years to summon the courage.  So, thank you.” as she takes a little bow to celebrate her courage and confidence.  The courage Pam speaks of is about being honest with Jim.  In a sense, she is admitting she loved Jim from the start, but that’s not what she’s emphasizing in her statement.  As during her speech in Beach Games, she misses Jim more than she loves him.  Right now, it’s more important to establish an open and honest line of communication that can repair their relationship.  Pam wasn’t able to do this during the previous three years due to her commitment to Roy and her own fears.  She paid the ultimate price of losing her best friend, as well as the man she loves. 

Pam broke through both of these barriers in the last year and she’s ecstatic.  By creating a new honest foundation, the friendship/relationship is already starting off better than it was three years ago.  She’s made huge gains in representing herself in a more open and honest manner.  Pam is proud of the woman she has become.  It feels good to have the courage to be honest on both the inside and the outside.  For the first time in her life, she is comfortable in her own emotional skin.  She has no expectations beyond being happy and she’s learned her happiness is in her own hands.  Whatever happens, happens and she’s a better person no matter the outcome with Jim.

Apologizing to Karen:

Pam is next seen making her way to the break room.  She looks a little nervous, but she is undaunted by the task at hand.  Pam was looking for Karen as her talking head likely reminded her she needed to talk to her about the events of beach day.  Pam takes a deep breath before she enters the room to prepare herself for the inevitable confrontation.  Despite the tension, Pam is not intimidated.  She knows she has to do this, given the fact that Karen is involved with Jim.  She gives her shirt a final tug and holds her hands in front of her before she begins speaking. 

Pam greets her with a soft “hey.”  She fidgets a little bit on her feet, unsure of where to begin.  She finally says, “Um . . . about the beach . . .”  Her tone is low and even a little sweet, but it does not denote weakness.  Her nerves are noticeable, but her confidence is still steady.  Pam is has the intention of being as friendly and warm with Karen as she possibility can given the complicated circumstances.  Before Pam can finish her sentence, Karen interrupts, “It’s okay.  We all say things without thinking.” 

Pam’s demeanor immediately changes.  She didn’t care for Karen’s condescending comments at all.  Her confidence and courage overtake her nerves as she stands up for herself.  She is quick to fire right back, “Oh no, it’s not that  I’ve actually been thinking that for a long time.  And I’m glad I said it,” as she maintains strong eye contact with Karen.  Pam’s statement and facial expression both send the message to Karen that she never had any intention of apologizing for her beach day speech.  Furthermore, she’s not sorry for her relationship with Jim.  Pam is letting Karen know she will not be intimidated the way she was in Ben Franklin.  Karen was able to push her around in the kitchen and Pam won’t stand for it this time around. 

Pam rides the surge of her confidence a little further and tells Karen, “I just . . I’m sorry if it made you feel weird.”  There is a noticeable edge in Pam’s voice.  She probably wouldn’t have been so blunt if Karen hadn’t interrupted her.  Pam is irked at Karen’s attempt to put words in her mouth.  The FNB in her made sure Karen fully understood her stance on the situation.  She is not going anywhere.  Karen may be with Jim, but Pam is not giving up her stake in him.  Jim is at the very least her friend, and she’s not going to lose that again. 

Pam’s final statement was essentially telling Karen, “there is more going on here than you realize and I’m not going away.”  Aside from the edge in Pam’s tone, there was also a layer of pride that is reminiscent of her talking head, when she said, “It needed to be said and I said it.”  Pam needed to establish herself as Karen’s equal and it felt great.

Getting Teased in the Break Room:

Pam later heads into the break room to grab a tea bag.  The room is full of her co-workers taking their break.  Oscar is the first to speak, “Hey Pam, I've been meaning to say something to you.  I really miss our friendship.”  Pam doesn’t take offense and is quick to find the humor in Oscar’s joke, “Ha ha, that’s very funny.“  Her voice is light hearted as she smiles with twinkling eyes.  As she said in her talking head, she is not embarrassed.  Oscar put her to the test and she passed with flying colors. 

Pam continues to be proud of her actions and she can even laugh at herself.  Stanley then says, “I’ve never heard you talk that much.  I thought it was Kelly.”  He is teasing her a little bit, but he also sounds impressed with the new Pam.  The camera doesn’t catch Pam’s reaction, but his statement undoubtedly added to Pam’s confidence.  Kelly reacts to Stanley saying, “Are you kidding?  I would never have done that.  It was pathetic-ville.  No offense, Pam.”  Not even Kelly’s jab phased Pam.  She simply smiled and acknowledged Kelly’s “no offense” comment.  She knows she did what needed to be done and it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks.  

Aside from this, Pam’s relationship with her co-workers has changed.  She is no longer invisible or the little mouse that hides behind her desk.  Her beach day speech was initially directed at them and she is beginning to see the results of being open and honest with everyone, not just Jim. 

- - -

Questions to Ponder:

1) How will Pam’s relations with Karen change?  Did she do the right thing in talking to Karen about the beach day speech?

2) Does Casino Night still need to be discussed or did the shoreline conversation (Beach Scene #1) cover all the bases? 

3) Can Pam truly be happy if Jim is nothing more than a friend? Why or Why not? 

4) Will Pam “fix” Jim’s hair?  Does she want to? 

As established in Part 1, FNB is firmly entrenched as a permanent fixture in Pam's personality.  She is brimming with strength, confidence, and most importantly happiness.  Although, Pam has found internal happiness, she is not invincible.  In the middle segment of The Job, Pam is faced with several situations that test her strength and prod her vulnerabilities.  Her happiness isn't foolproof and she has holes where jealousy and sadness creep through.  However, Pam's metamorphosis into FNB has changed how Pam deals with her emotions.  She doesn’t hide from them anymore, nor does she allow them to control her.  Watching Jim and Karen is difficult, but she is able to handle it with thicker skin.  She still aches a little from Jim’s absence (as a result of their changed status), but it doesn’t hold her back or keep her from moving forward.  FNB has resolve and determination that was completely out of Old Pam’s grasp.  

As stated in Part 1, Pam can be happy without Jim, but it’s important to note she prefers to be with him.  She still loves him and that puts her in a tough spot. Pam has to learn how to be Jim’s friend when she wants “more than that.”  Just as Jim is faced with a decision, (see JP), Pam is faced with the decision to be happy or to be miserable.  By accepting herself and her situation Pam has made her choice to focus on being happy.  All she has to do now is plug the holes by learning her new role as Jim’s friend.  At this point, Pam realizes she can’t have the same “friendship” she had with Jim before.  She now knows that was more than a friendship and their current status won’t allow for that type of relationship.  With these realizations, Pam has found the strength and courage to push forward in her life with a smile.  She spent 10 years being held back and miserable and she’s not about to put herself in that position again.  Her situation with Jim is sometimes difficult, but she knows she is in a better place within herself. 

Karen’s Request:

After Pam’s earlier confrontation with Karen, she finds herself in front of Karen again.  Michael’s issues with Jan prompts him to ask Pam to gather all the women in the conference room, (except Meredith, she’s an alternate!).  She walks up to Karen’s desk on her way into the conference room.  She tells Karen, “So, uh, Michael needs us in the conference room.“  She’s a little nervous and she doesn’t make eye contact right away.  She fidgets with her notebook as she speaks but soon settles down. 

Her nerves are understandable given the fact she just had a very difficult conversation with Karen in the break room.  Pam is concerned about things being weird between the two of  them.  Any tension between herself and Karen will translate to Jim.  The last thing Pam wants is to clutter the air with tension again.  Her tone is very friendly and warm, but it’s also strong.  She wants to show Karen she isn’t a threat and that things don’t have to be difficult between them. 

Pam already knows they will never be BFF’s but she knows it’s important to keep things genial and civil.  Her strength in this scene isn’t obvious, but she is showing a huge amount of courage.  Instead of shying away from Karen she stood in front of her with grace.  Karen asks Pam, “Is it Jan again?”  Pam nods silently as she starts to head for the conference room again.  Pam thought she was in the clear and that everything was fine between them.  That is until Karen asks her, “Hey, um, before I leave tonight, would you mind making a half a dozen copies of Jim’s and my sales reports for our interviews tomorrow?”  Pam glances at the camera clearly annoyed that Karen is asking her do such a menial task.  The job is beneath her and knows Karen is doing this on purpose to put her in her place.  Pam says, “Uh, sure,” in response as she takes the paperwork from Karen.  She doesn’t really have choice about taking the job if she wants to avoid creating tension. Karen is throwing her weight around as Jim’s girlfriend to elevate herself and deflate Pam.   It’s an intimidation tactic that Pam is onto from the start and FNB won’t stand for it.  

Looking Karen straight in the eye Pam says, “I really hope you get the job.”  She again uses a very warm and friendly tone, but it’s also got a little force. Part of Pam’s well wishes are genuine, but her statement was more about leveling the playing field.  Pam knew Karen wanted to get her flustered the same way she did in the kitchen in Ben Franklin.  By staying cool and collected Pam is letting Karen know she can’t be intimidated or pushed down anymore.  Her well wishes are her answer to sending Karen this message without creating any tension.  However, in the back of her mind she’s telling Karen, Don’t even try it. Pam walks away from Karen’s desk knowing she kept her status as Karen’s equal.  

Conference Room:

Michael pleas with the women of the office for advice on what to do about Jan.  He explains that Jan wants to get back together.  Discussion ensues on what Michael wants and he says he doesn’t want to, but it’s clear to Pam he needs a little more of a push to stick to a decision.  She tells Michael, “This was a terrible relationship.  You were not happy when you were with her.”  Pam’s advice comes from her own experience.  She now has the hindsight of her relationship with Roy to understand that relationships are supposed to make you happy and not miserable. 

Her hindsight and understanding of her past opened up the path to the happiness she has today.  She goes on to say, “You’re so much happier now.”  Pam’s advice is again coming from her heart.  She figured this out for herself after a long year of struggling.  She is happier now with herself, even though she is not with Jim.  She leaves him with one more piece of advice, “Just go in there and be strong.”  She knows all about being strong.  She learned the importance of strength in life and how key it is to being happy. Old Pam wouldn’t be able to give this advice, but FNB knows what she is talking about! 

Jan’s “Big News”:

Jan emerges from Michael’s office with her new physique in clear view.  Pam is shocked and says, “Oh my God.”  She says it mostly to herself and doesn’t really expect anyone to respond to her, least of all Jim.  She is both surprised and thrilled when he turns around with a playful grin on his face.  She plays along happily by mouthing “Huge!” while miming a large chest with her hands.  He jokes back, “Bigger actually.” To which she whispers, “That’s crazy.”  Pam is soaking up this moment with Jim.   

The rest of the world likely disappeared for Pam as she shared a laugh with her Old Jim.  For this tiny moment, he came “back” from wherever he’s been hiding.  As always, humor connects Jim and Pam like nothing else.  She has him all to herself and she’s going to take it for all it’s worth.  Not wanting to lose the moment, Pam takes the joke further and mouths “Wow” with an animated face and further hand movement hoping to make him laugh again.  She succeeds as he smiles and quietly chuckles. 

Karen walks up to Jim and deflates Pam’s bubble.  Karen put herself right in Pam’s line of sight, effectively cutting Pam off from Jim.  She lost her moment with him.  It was a harsh reminder than things are different.  Better, but still different.  Pam is obviously saddened and jealous by Karen’s presence.  Despite her acceptance of the situation it’s still hard to watch Jim with Karen.  No matter how happy Pam is, it doesn’t negate the fact that she loves Jim and can’t be with him.  She may have found a way to be happy no matter his role in her life, but it’s still hard to let him go.  

In this instance it’s even more difficult because Karen abruptly interrupted her time with Jim.  It literally jolted Pam back to the reality that the Jim in front of her is not Old Jim.  Her face may have had jealousy written all over it, but her eyes also showed how much she misses him.  Pam is in the tough position of having to learn how to be Jim’s friend with Karen in the picture.  She is effectively finding herself in the same spot Jim resided in during Seasons 1 and 2.  Karen is to Pam what Roy was to Jim.  Pam has a more difficult task in that she has to find the new boundaries of the friendship.  The friendship may be repaired, but Pam is still having to grapple with the fact that she doesn’t have him to herself any longer.  The friend zone can’t operate the same way it did before Casino Night.  She’s bound to hit some bumps along the way and this scene is one of those bumps. 

Talking Head #2:

In reference to the previous scene Pam addresses her reaction to Jim and Karen, “No, it’s fine.  I’m sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around. . . that one time.”  Pam is a little upset, but the FNB in her refuses to let it take her down.  It’s obvious she’s still jealous, but she’s also very understanding of the situation.  She says “it’s fine” because she knows it has to be fine.  She can’t get upset over Jim and Karen.  It will do nothing but bring her down.  If she wants to be happy, she has to accept Karen’s role in Jim’s life.  Interestingly, she is very empathetic to Jim’s past point of view.  She clearly understands where he is coming from both then and now.  Pam may not like watching Jim with Karen, but she understands why he is with her.   It doesn’t make it any easier to see him with her, but it does help Pam be more accepting of her reality. 

Pam jokes about her relationship with Roy with heavy sarcasm.  She still carries the understanding that her relationship with Roy was wrong.  Only now, she can see the humor of her mistakes.  Both aspects of her statement help Pam to realize she is better off where she is right now regardless of her status with Jim. 

Pam may have taken a new stance of being more open and honest, but she still hides some of her vulnerabilities in front of the camera.  She is clearly irked and jealous, but she is careful to shield these emotions.  This seems like Old Pam, but in all actuality it’s a combination of FNB and basic human nature.  FNB has the determination and resolve to be happy and that overrides everything else.  She allows the jealousy and sadness to run its course, but she will not allow either of those emotions run her life.  Aside from this, Pam hides her jealousy and sadness as per human nature.  Most people don’t like to broadcast their weaknesses and Pam is no different.  Especially since Pam feels so strong as a person.

Wishing Jim Luck:

As Jim heads over to the coat rack to grab his jacket, Dwight announces it’s time to begin the interview process for his #2.  Dwight’s lunacy switches on Pam’s sarcasm and she shoots a knowing glance towards Jim.  She is again grabbing a moment with him by sharing the humor that is Dwight.  It’s something they’ve always shared and it connect her to him, even if for a brief moment. 

Karen then starts heading towards the exit and tells everyone to wish her and Jim luck.  Dwight goes on a rant and tells everyone they can only wish Michael luck.  Of course, everyone completely ignores him!  Just as Jim and Karen start heading towards the door, Pam looks at Jim and wishes him, “Good luck.”  Her tone is very warm as she genuinely hopes things go well for Jim.  He replies, “Thanks” and smiles at her.  She liked it that he flashed her such a warm smile, so she smiles back at him lovingly.  As he walks out, she continues to stare at the door.  

Even though the air is clear, she still misses him.  It’s so hard to watch him move away from her and towards Karen both literally and figuratively.  She knows she could lose him again to New York, but the reality sets in that she has to let him go.  It all comes down to the old adage, “If you love someone, sometimes you have to let them go.”  She had her chance and she knows she blew it.  Accepting that fact entails the possibility that Jim may not be part of her life.  He’ll always be a friend, but a different friend than what she had before.  It’s a loss she has come to terms with, but it still hurts.  She is saddened again, but once more she doesn’t let it overrun her outlook on her life.

Talking Head #3: 

Pam’s odd mix of happiness and sadness is showcased best in her third talking head.  She starts out by saying, “I’m happy for him.  I hope he gets the job.  I really just want him to be happy.”  Pam genuinely wants Jim to be happy no matter the path he chooses.  Ideally, she would like the path to lead to her, but she’s already accepted the possibility that he won’t return to her.  Essentially, Pam wants Jim to find the same happiness she has found for herself.  She knows he’s not happy and that saddens her.  Her statement, “I hope he gets the job.” is genuine. Her tone is warm, but also a little hesitant.  If getting a new job in New York will make Jim happy, she really does want him to get the job.  Her hesitancy is rooted in the fact that she knows she will likely lose him completely if he moves away again.  However, she’s more concerned about Jim’s happiness than her own desire for his presence in her life.  

Pam then starts to ramble “And I know that sounds cliché, and I know saying it sounds cliché sounds cliché.  Maybe I’m being cliché, I don’t care.  “Cause I am what I am.  That’s Popeye.” She lost her train of thought as she is a little flustered.  She breaks eye contact with the camera as she struggles to regain her composure.  She is happy in general, but she was saddened to watch Jim leave.  Even though she wants him to happy, she is worried he’ll leave again for good.  She may want the best for him, but that doesn’t make it any easier to watch him walk out of her life.  It still hurts.  A little piece of her heart walked out that door.   She is trying to hide this from the camera. 

Once again, Pam is very conscious of her vulnerabilities.  Part of her is also wondering if Jim is doing the right thing.  She doesn’t know if this is what will truly make him happy, but she is willing to support his decision to go to New York.  Towards the end of her statement FNB recovers.  Her “popeye” statement “I am what I am” is Pam reminding herself that she has a lot going for herself, even without Jim.  She will be fine and she will happy.   FNB is strong enough to pull her through anything life throws at her.  Even losing Jim to Karen and New York.

The Bottom Line:

Pam loves Jim enough to let him go. 

- - -

JAM Song of the Week:

I heard this song while I was writing and the lyrics are all over Pam's face every time she looks at Jim.

Song: True Colors

Artist: Phil Collins

Album: Hits

Questions to Ponder:

1) What remains of Old Pam?  Do we have anything to worry about? Is Pam as strong as she thinks?

2) At this point, has Pam given up on any possibility of having a relationship that extends beyond friendship with Jim?  Why or Why not? 

3) Assess Pam’s behavior around Jim.  How well is she handling her status with Jim and the situation at hand?  Should she be doing anything differently?  Can she?

4) What does the friend zone entail from Pam’s perspective?  Do any aspects of the pre-CN friendship remain?  What has Pam learned about her new friendship with Jim? 

6) Does Pam think Jim can be happy in New York?  How about with Karen?

Pam summed herself up the best when she said, “I’m optimistic.”  Throughout The Job, FNB has shown her resolve to be happy despite the obstacles that stand in her way.  In the final segment of the episode, Pam’s resolve is further tested when she is faced with the very real possibility that Jim will not be in her life.  Pam continues to insist that she is fine and happy with the way things are between her and Jim, but in reality she is somewhat melancholy. She misses him and there‘s nothing she can do to get rid of that feeling except to let it run its course.  As a result, Pam finds ways to be with Jim when she can’t via humor and memories.  It’s a coping strategy that allows Pam to keep her head held high with the idea, “This too shall pass,“ (my grandmother’s favorite piece of advice). 

Pam is going to allow Jim’s influence to remain in her life while striking out on her own at the same time.   Pam spends her day “playing” with Dwight much in the same way she did while Jim was in Stamford (timing him with a thermometer, starting CIA letters, etc.).  Her actions may have Jim in mind, but Pam is also making the best of his absence by having fun and finding ways to smile on her own.  The key part in all of this is Pam’s further acceptance that she is flying solo.  Being with Jim is preferable, but not the only thing that completes her.     

She has already given some indicators that she will let Jim go if leaving is what makes him happy, but she is starting to realize it’s easier said than done.  She knows she misses him and she feels the pain of his absence.  Pam is starting to wade into rough and deep waters where it’s easy to lose her way.  Even though things are getting more difficult, Pam is resilient in having faith in herself.  She sees the hills and valleys in the path she has chosen and she’s not going to give up.  She knows happiness lies within herself and all she has to do is cultivate her own garden.  Pam’s most important realization is understanding the garden will not grow overnight. Gardens need time, sunshine, and a little rain.  Sometimes tears must fall to make room for joy.  Pam’s optimism is rooted in this realization.  She truly believes that she and everything else is going to be all right. 

Jim’s surprise reappearance in Pam’s life may have brought a wide smile to her face, but it doesn’t change the lessons she has learned about herself, (and continues to learn).  She knows how to be happy with herself and that is worth more than anything.  It took Pam a year to find her confidence and most importantly self worth.  Pam has a deep understanding of who she is and just how much strength she possesses.  FNB is something Pam will hold onto and perpetuate for the rest of her life.  Jim’s presence in her life only enhances what she’s already found.  The sadness she harbored from missing him is what disappears and gives her already virulent happiness room to grow. 

The Pam Dichotomy S3 has been all about exploring Pam’s emotional developments and their impact on JAM.  The optimist never lost faith in JAM, while the pessimist accepted the possibility that Jim and Pam would go their separate ways.  While this has been the guiding factor on the PD, Pam’s growth in Season 3 was all about her, not JAM.  Pam ultimately became FNB for herself.  Nonetheless, the optimist can stand tall in that FNB’s development paved the way for JAM to at least explore the possibility of a relationship that extends beyond friendship.  If anything, Pam’s new self awareness gives her the ability to love Jim better than she ever could have before. 

Dwight’s “Secret” Job:

In Dwight’s “office” Pam sits quietly as he slithers into a leadership role.  Dwight tells her, “You showed great leadership potential at the coal walk. Even if you did follow it with that embarrassing personal confession.”  Pam is immediately annoyed with Dwight’s perspective of her shoreline speech.  She nods and slightly smiles an irritated smile as she glances at the camera.  Her expression is one of, Here we go again. She’s tired of her co-workers jabbing her for her actions on Beach Day.  She doesn’t see it as embarrassing and it bothers her that other people see it that way.  She remains proud and considers it her shining moment.  Pam responds with a slightly sarcastic “Thank you,” which was really meant as a “thanks for nothing.”  Pam doesn’t appreciate Dwight’s jab, but she handles it with grace.  She has enough confidence to let his statement bounce right off of her.  Nonetheless, it still bothers her. 

She refocuses her attention on Dwight, hoping he’ll make his point soon so she can leave.  Dwight informs Pam, “I had to make Andy my number two. It's political, complicated, you wouldn't understand.”  Pam is immediately insulted that Dwight is treating her like a simpleton.  She looks squarely at Dwight with a pair of death ray eyes, I am not an idiot.  This is FNB’s way of letting Dwight know it’s not okay to treat her like a moron.  Of course, Dwight is completely oblivious to her irritation.  Her sarcasm is unmistakable as she awaits Dwight’s next statement,  “I want you... to be Assistant Regional Manager.”  Pam is surprised as she replies, “Really?”  She already knows there is something stupid attached to Dwight’s request, but she can’t ignore the enormous potential of the situation to have a little fun.  Dwight has already jabbed her twice and she can’t resist the temptation to get even and be amused at the same time. 

Dwight explains further, “Well, in a sense. Although, publicly I am going to retain the Assistant Regional Manager position.” Pam responds dryly, “You will be your own assistant,” but she is laughing quietly on the inside.  Just when she thought Dwight couldn’t be more insane he outdoes himself, “Correct, I need someone I can trust. But I would also like the title... to be secretly applied to you. Just stripped of its pomp and frills.” Pam listens intently outwardly, while FNB is planning how to make this fun on the inside.  Pam responds will playful sarcasm, “Okay. So... you would be the Regional Manager, and the Assistant Regional Manager. Andy is your number two. I would be the Secret Assistant Regional Manager.”  Pam’s humor completely kicks in once she speaks of her role in Dwight’s world.  A little smile peeks through as Pam speaks, she just can’t help herself.  This is just too good to be true.  Pam crafts her joke with just enough realism to make Dwight believe her while infusing enough sarcasm to amuse herself. 

An old joke steeped in Office lore spills from Dwight’s lips, “Mmmmmm, let's call it Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.”  Pam plays along with Dwight’s seriousness with her own “Mmm-hmm,” while again laughing inside as she likely replayed every instance where “to the“ was a point of contention.   Dwight continues his lunacy and asks, “Do you accept?”  Pam is beside herself and can’t help but ask herself, What would Jim do?, as she responds, “Absolutely I do,” with as straight a face as she can muster.  She is ready to burst with laughter, but manages to keep it together.  She knows she’s got enough ammunition to enjoy herself for the rest of the day.  Although, she is thrilled with the prospect of messing with Dwight’s head, a part of her feels Jim’s absence.  She wants to share this with him, hear his laughter, and see his smile.

Talking Head #4:

Seeing as Pam can’t share what happened between herself and Dwight with Jim, she turns to the camera.  The feeling of nostalgia is quite apparent as Pam reminisces in a talking head that immediately follows her meeting with Dwight.  It’s obvious she misses Jim as she says,  “I learned from Jim, if Dwight ever asks you to accept something secret... you reply, ‘Absolutely, I do‘.”  Despite the sadness swirling around, Pam still manages to find the bright side of things.  FNB is determined to focus on positive memories rather than painful ones in order to keep herself afloat.  She can’t help but find the humor in Jim’s “lesson.”  She repeats the line “Absolutely, I do” with the same seriousness she pulled off with Dwight as a way to mimic Jim’s humor.  This is her way of keeping a piece of him with her. 

She can hardly keep a straight face as she remembers the events of The Alliance, where Jim likely told her every detail behind “Absolutely, I do.”   She’s thrilled she got to use this line in a real situation.  Jim’s humor is with her and it’s adding to her already present smile.  A touch of sadness is in her eyes, but FNB’s resolve remains firmly in place.  Pam knows Jim would have fun given the same circumstances and she is prepared to take it as far as he would.  As she speaks, she is quietly thinking of possible ways to play with Dwight as his Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.  Pam has pulled pranks without Jim before (The Merger, A Benihana Christmas), and it appears she’s ready for another round on her own.

Schrute Buck/Talking Head #5:

Dwight demands the attention of his “subordinates” in the main office to introduce his new motivational tool: The Schrute Buck.  Pam is wearing a smile before Dwight even starts.  She knows he’s going to give her some major entertainment.  Pam dons her best sense of humor as she puts her hand up and asks, “What is the value of a Schrute buck?”  Her enthusiasm is obviously fake and dripping in sarcasm as Pam is stealthily mocking Dwight.  She is having fun with the idiocy that is Dwight all by herself. 

Dwight continues spouting his reforms to the group, while Pam quietly stands by utterly amused.  Dwight announces that he will begin a series of lectures designed to help employees increase their understanding of paper.  The response is less than exuberant which prompts Dwight to holler, “Yes! Michael is gone. There's a new sheriff here in these offices, and his name is "me." Conference room! Ten seconds! All of you!” 

Pam’s face lights up yet again as she smiles and silently laughs while casting a glance at the camera.  Her disbelieving face would normally be locked with Jim’s, but since he isn’t there, Pam again turns her attention to the camera.  It’s interesting how she has “bonded” with the camera in the absence of Jim.  It’s almost a substitute for her until she finds another outlet.  She needs to share the humor with someone, but no one besides Jim “gets” it and can laugh with her.  If Jim isn’t there to make faces at the camera, she is more than willing to take his place.  It’s another way to keep a piece of Jim with her as she flies solo.

Pam’s enthusiasm extends into a subsequent talking head, “I literally cannot wait to see what Dwight has planned.”  Her eyes are sparkling, while the rest of her face is teeming with anticipation.  She intends to milk Dwight’s idiocy for as man laughs as possible.  As much as Pam is wrapped up in the moment, her thoughts turn to Jim.  She lightly bites her bottom lip before she allows the camera to see her vulnerability.  With slight hesitance she admits to the camera, “And I wish Jim were here.”  She’s starting to feel the weight amidst the light and playful atmosphere she’s created for herself.  Pam wants Jim to be there sharing the moment with her as if nothing every came between them.  She’s curious about how he’d react and what he would do if he was here.  Pam rolls her eyes as she speaks and again after her statement as a little bit of a release.  She feels silly and a little embarrassed.  It’s the equivalent of admitting a crush in a high school cafeteria.  It’s not something she’s wants spotlighted, (it’s a weakness), but she can’t help herself.  She loves him, but she feels the impossibility of being with him.  

It’s in this talking head that Pam realizes it’s a lot harder to let go of Jim than she previously thought.  However, she knows she has to move forward or she will be buried in her own misery.  The tone of her voice carries an air of acceptance for her position.   Pam may have loads of awareness for how she feels and the reality that is before her, but she is still trying to figure out what to do with all of that information.  She’s in the painful predicament of having emotions that don’t match her reality.  Despite this, FNB is determined to reconcile the incongruence with astonishing optimism.

Dwight’s Lecture:

Despite Pam’s confusing emotional state, she is still intent on amusing herself during Dwight’s first paper lecture.  As Dwight speaks to the staff as if they are kindergartners, Pam again jests with the camera.  She nods and smiles in complete merriment at Dwight’s ridiculous grasp of power under the guise of teaching.  Dwight’s lesson is just plain silly, but instead of being bored like everyone else, Pam is making the best of it by seeing the humor.  It’s an attitude that has served her well with life in general, so why not in the conference room, too?  She “eagerly” leans towards the soil samples placed in the center of the conference table as a little prank on Dwight.  She’s playing into the idea of being his Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager by feigning interest.  It’s not meant to be funny to anyone but herself.  It’s a secret prank by and for the Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. 

Dwight eventually faces a student rebellion when Stanley refuses to accept of Schrute Buck.  The “class” becomes unruly, giving Pam an open door to extend her little prank.  FNB steps in and hollers, “HEY! COME ON! Let's listen to Dwight's presentation!”  To Dwight and everyone else, she sounds serious.  She slams her fists on the table and deepens her voice to add to the illusion.  She quickly shifts back to a demure face and looks up to Dwight with the appearance that she seeks his approval.  Pam is getting Dwight to buy into her prank and is gaining his trust which will make it possible to pull further pranks.  Entertaining oneself has never been more artfully achieved. 

Dwight already looks stupid to everyone, but Pam is the only one who can find the humor.  The significance in all of this is the fact that Pam made herself the center of attention for her prank.  She took a very loud lead in making a fool of Dwight and she did it for herself.  Every since Beach Games, Pam isn’t afraid to make a little noise in front of her co-workers or Jim.  It’s good to see she’s chosen to retain this characteristic.

Michael’s Return:

Michael returns from New York and babbles endlessly about how he will never leave Scranton, never letting on that he blew his interview.  Pam is likely listening with the same annoyance as her co-workers. Once Michael is done blabbering, Pam practically blurts out, “Did . . . Karen get the job?”  Her heart leapt after asking as her curiosity is overwhelming her.  Pam is a little over anxious to hear anything about New York, but she is a little hesitant at the same time.  She pauses right before she says Karen’s name.  She meant to say Jim, but thought better of it just in time.  She wants to ask about Jim, but it’s too personal to ask in front of her co-workers.  She’s already caught a lot of crap for her beach day speech and doesn’t want to endure any more teasing.  Asking about Karen is just easier and will get her the same information.  Besides, she really does want Karen to get the job, so as to get rid of her. 

A lot of emotion is hinging on Michael’s answer.  As the day progresses Pam has been feeling Jim’s absence more and more.  The possibility that she may lose him to New York is getting closer and harder to face.  Her talking heads have clued us into the fact that Pam’s tough exterior has weaknesses and this scene is another example that she’s having a hard time letting go even though she knows she must.  It really is easier said than done to let someone go.  The stress of it is getting to Pam and she feels the pain that often accompanies goodbye.  Her heart is grabbing onto him while her head is preparing for a possible farewell.  Jim could just as easily leave for New York as he could stay in Scranton. 

Each scenario requires polar opposite emotions.  She is stuck in the middle right now trying to get ready for either scenario.  Letting him go in New York is different from letting him go in Scranton.  In a sense, Pam doesn’t know if she can keep any hope tucked away.  If he’s in New York, she has to let it all go, but if he stays in Scranton he’s not totally gone and little hope can live deep in her heart.  FNB may be intent on being happy and accepts the facts of her situation, but Jim’s presence in Scranton would leave a little room for hope. 

Michael ignores Pam’s question leaving her with continuing curiosity and anxiousness.  Her face is saddened and perplexed as she remains in the void of the unknown.  The hope she doesn‘t dare release, continues to hang in the balance. 

Saluting Dwight:

Michael’s return signaled Dwight’s demise as head of the Scranton branch as well as Pam’s role as Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager.  Dwight approaches her desk and quietly greets her, “Pam, hello.”  With solemn sarcasm Pam responds, “Dwight, hello.”  She is still playing her personal prank on Dwight.  Pam manages to keep a straight face when Dwight replies, “I wanted to thank you... for helping me, when you held the title, Secret Assistant to the Regional Manager. You served the office with great dignity.”  Pam decides to play out her little joke one more time as she salutes Dwight.  She is still messing with him with her own brand of oddball humor for her own amusement.  It’s just too easy and she can’t help herself. 

By saluting him, she once again garnered his trust which leaves her further opportunities to prank.  She is obviously holding back a laugh as she looks up at Dwight, but a small smile escapes.  Her prank on Dwight may have originated with thoughts of Jim, but it ended with Pam focusing on herself.  In the end, humor saved her from focusing on the fact that she misses Jim.  It would’ve been all too easy to fall into a mode of constant pining.  FNB refuses to let herself fall when she has come so far.  Pam really did find a ray happiness on her own.

Talking Head #6:

Even though Pam’s prank brought a smile to her face, she can’t escape her thoughts of Jim for long.  They are too present as she awaits news from New York.  She is again participating in a talking head as she says, “No, I don’t know what the future holds . . .”  Pam is a little bewildered by the unknown future, but she isn’t afraid.  Her voice even has a tinge of excitement as Pam considers the road ahead of her.  This is a huge development for Pam and the cornerstone of FNB.  Old Pam had an inherent fear of the unknown which prevented her from making any large changes.  Her rejection of Jim on CN partly originated from this fear.  Clearly, Pam has escaped this barrier and is boldly willing to move on to a new chapter in her life. 

FNB continues to show her colors with the apt statement, “ . . . but, I’m optimistic.” If Pam has learned anything in the last year, it’s to have faith in herself.  Pam knows she can do anything if she really puts her mind to it and believes in herself.  She has a lot of hope invested in herself and the future.   Part of Pam’s optimism is rooted in the humor she’s surrounded herself with all day, “And I had fun goofing around with Dwight today.”  Her face lights up as she briefly recounts her prank.  She playfully shrugs with the notion that messing with Dwight beats wallowing in misery and sadness.   She may be alone, but it’s not the end of the world. Rather it’s the start of something new and she’s learning as she goes. 

Despite the optimism raging inside of Pam, she is not invincible to pangs of sorrow. She takes a breath and pauses as her thoughts drift back to Jim.  He’s been a topic in her talking heads all day and this instance is no different.  Her eyes become distant when she begins to speak, “Jim and I are just too similar.”  She’s looking in the direction of the camera, but her mind is someplace else.  The statement doesn’t seemingly fit in with Pam’s previous topic of Dwight, but her prank on Dwight makes Pam think of Jim.  It may have been a ploy to entertain herself and distract her from dwelling on Jim, but his humor was with her the entire time.  He was with her all day. It’s inevitable that she would think of him at this point, wishing he were with her right now. 

Playing with Dwight was fun, but it wasn’t the same without Jim.  She’s feeling the loss again and it’s getting stronger.  The water is getting deeper and it’s getting tougher to stay afloat.  Pam feels herself slipping into a dangerous emotional state so she attempts to cut another string to disconnect herself from Jim.  By explaining that she and Jim are too similar, she’s looking for a way to convince herself that it could never work between them.  Believing this makes it easier to let go of him.  Symbolically, her words couldn’t be more truthful.  Pam and Jim have been paralleling each other’s behavior all season long.  Both are still traveling the same path, but at a different juncture.  Both want to go back to the way things were, but the feeling of impossibility plagues any hope.  The path in which Jim and Pam are traveling is full of self discovery and they’ve only just begun.    

Pam is able to regain her composure quickly and sanguinely says, “Maybe one day I’ll find my own Karen.”  Her eyes return focus on the camera, returning from their previous hiatus.  There is still a hint of sadness lingering but hope is still alive.  This is a different kind of hope as it doesn’t apply to Jim in this instance.  Pam’s face is again showing hope for herself in the face of uncertainty.  She’s not worried about herself, nor is she afraid of the “new” that awaits her on the other side of the present.  Her statement relates to the concept of letting Jim go, but she’s adding the component of moving on for herself.  If Jim has moved on with Karen, then Pam must move on with someone else, too.  Jim is the future she wants, but she knows she realized it too late.  Now it’s time to accept that a future with Jim will not come to pass.  It’s a simple fact of life that people don’t always get what they want.  

Despite this logic, it’s difficult to think of herself with someone else.  However, it’s a reality she’s beginning to embrace because she knows she must if she’s going to stay out of the depths of misery that comes from pining away for someone she can’t be with.  Believing in herself is Pam’s saving grace.

Unfortunately, Pam’s unflinching faith in herself can’t save her from getting a little flustered. She fumbles around her words, “But, you, that is a, um, you know, not . . . a man.  A man version.”  Pam let the camera see some vulnerability and she let herself feel Jim a little too much.  This chips at her touch exterior a little bit and scares her.   Pam unwittingly stirred up a hurricane of emotions when she let her mind drift towards Jim.  She’s managed to keep him at a comfortable distance all day, that is until this talking head.  Love, pain, hope, loss, optimism, uncertainty, empowerment, determination, sadness, and happiness are all swirling around her as she sits in the eye of the storm.  It’s hard to know what to feel at any given time, but she has enough strength to keep herself from succumbing to emotional schizophrenia.  She’s bound to break every now and again, but she will never be down for the count.  

Of course, Pam bounces right back like an inflated punching balloon and proclaims, “But, until then, I can hold my head up.” FNB radiates in her words as she carries through with the pride she gained from her beach day speech.  Pam is still glowing from being honest with herself and Jim.  It still brings an enormous release of confidence and relief.  She doesn’t regret her growth and knows she did the right thing.  The tone of her statement is very strong, but there is a tinge of melancholy.  Obviously, Pam prefers a different outcome, but she’s still proud of herself.  Pam knows how far she’s come, but she’s also smart enough to know she’s not out of the woods yet.  She uses the phrase, “until then” coupled with a deep breath because she knows there is a long road ahead.  There’s still room to grow and loose ends she needs to tie together.  Pam is still learning the ropes of FNB and sorting through a mess of emotions.  It’s a daunting task, but the optimist in Pam will cling to the good days and take the bad in stride.

Pam still can’t let it go that she embarrassed herself in front of the camera, so she adds, “I’m not gay” at the end of her soliloquy.  A remnant of Old Pam lingers as she’s self conscious about how she is being perceived.  FNB may be in full swing, but parts of Old Pam still bubble up every now and then.  Pam is always going to be self conscious, but she’s learning to handle it with a little bit more strength.  Rather than flub through another array of babbled words, Pam got right to the point and told the camera what she meant outright this time around.  It’s another little growing pain on Pam’s continuing road of self-discovery.

Pam’s Note:

Unfortunately, viewers didn’t get to see Pam write the note she packed in Jim’s folder.  Her note spoke to Jim’s heart, but that wasn’t her intention.  Pam’s motivation is not rooted in winning Jim back.  However, she is trying to continue to repair the friendship by reminding him of the connection they share.  The newly cleared air between them gives her the freedom to work on rebuilding that connection.  The note is simply Pam’s way of being supportive and warm as his friend.  It’s her way of letting him know she supports him in his endeavors and that she cares.  Aside from that, it’s Pam’s way of being with him in New York.  She can’t be there for him in any other way, but a small piece of paper in his folder. 

She writes:  Jim, Don’t forget us when your famous.  Pam.  She affixes a yogurt lid “gold medal” in the upper right hand corner as well.  Pam’s words are very simple, but they are packed with meaning.  On the surface, Pam is encouraging Jim by assuming he’s going to the job, which is why he needs to be told not to forget about Scranton.  It’s meant as a little confidence builder.  Dig a little deeper and Pam is also telling Jim not to forget about her.  Even if things never evolve past a fragile friend zone, she doesn’t want him to forget about her and what they shared.  Losing him is hard enough.  To be forgotten is unbearable.  Pam’s warmth is unmistakable as she lets him know she will always be there for him, even when he’s “famous” or New Jim.  She may not totally understand New Jim, but she will always be his friend.

The yogurt lid beckons back to Office Olympics and Pam’s intention with this is twofold.  This is a reminder of a fun day she and Jim spent together.  She hasn’t seen Jim flash his trademark smile in a long time and she hopes this will do the trick.  It’s her way of showing him she misses him, or the Old Jim that she knows still lives in him.  On another level, Pam knows from the shoreline that Jim hasn’t “come back” and this might help. She’s basically telling him it’s okay to be “you.”  At the risk of sounding corny, Jim is getting a gold medal to be himself.  Pam put herself on that piece of paper to connect with Jim, but not in a way to interfere with his chosen path. 

On a symbolic level, the note takes on even more meaning.  Pam’s phrase “don’t forget,” is a reference to Old Jim.  Pam has felt all along that Jim never really came back.  The Jim in front of her is not the guy that peered into her soul on Booze Cruise.  However, she still sees that man hiding inside.  Pam doesn’t want Jim to forget who he is.  She loves that man and doesn’t want him to disappear completely.  Essentially, Pam is reminding Jim that he can always come home and she’ll be waiting.  In keeping with that theme, the yogurt lid is another reference to Old Jim.  Or more precisely: the past.  The shiny gold lid is a reminder that the past doesn’t have to hurt.  There were more good times, than there were painful.  Aside from that, the future is burning bright with infinite possibilities.  The shiny gold lid is almost a light at the end of the tunnel.

Talking Head #7:

In Pam’s last talking head, her optimism has remained intact despite a day of curiosity and angst.  Just as she proclaimed in a previous talking head, she continues to hold her head up.  Confidence aside, she is still very anxious to hear any news from New York.  She begins by saying, “I haven’t heard anything.  But I bet Jim got the job.  I mean, why wouldn’t he?”  There’s a little bit of an edge in her voice that emanates for anticipation.  She’s still stuck in the middle, wondering where Jim will fit into her life or if he will at all.  However, Pam is starting to prepare herself for a perceived inevitability by betting Jim got the job.  Therefore, if it happens she is a little more prepared for losing him again. 

The news won’t hit her as hard and she’ll be a little more able to handle it if she chooses to accept it now.  It’s a classic proactive self defense mechanism.  They don’t always work, but it bolsters Pam’s strength.  Pam has to find a way to let go of the shred of hope she keeps locked tight in her heart.  She starts to list the reasons why Jim got to the job as a way to solidify her defense mechanism, “He’s totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him.”  She breaks eye contact with the camera as she feels her vulnerabilities surfacing once again.  If she keeps going she’s bound to hit something way too personal.  She came close near the end of her list with “everyone loves him.”  She wasn’t just speaking for everyone - she was speaking for herself. She pauses for a brief moment, as she silently tells herself, I love him.  This unleashes more emotions as Pam begins to open up to the camera.  She’s been pushing back feelings all day and now she’s letting some of them out.  Jim has been on her mind all day, no matter how hard she tried to distract herself.  

Her optimism may be a driving factor in Pam’s actions, but it can’t chase away her feelings for Jim.  She is still trying to sort through the idea that she will be okay without him, while still being in love with him.  She’s never had a chance to talk it through out loud until now, “And if he never comes back again, that’s okay.”  She is remembering their shoreline discussion when Jim told her he hasn’t really come back. Even with clear air between them, Jim still hasn’t come back.  Now she sees him running somewhere else and that deeply saddens her.  It isn’t just about her losing Jim, it’s about Jim losing Jim.  However, she must tell herself it’s okay so she can find a future without him.  

Despite the strength she’s trying to build, her “okay” is said delicately with a touch of sadness, as if it were the beginning of a tearful farewell.  She is still grappling with the possibility of having to say goodbye.  She needs to believe that it’s okay, in order to maintain FNB.  She doesn’t want to lose all she has gained along with Jim.  Pam falls back on her optimism to carry her through, “We’re friends.”  Pam has used this phrase before in Office Olympics, as a defensive shield.  It’s working much the same way as she needs to believe they will always be friends in some way, even if he isn’t in Scranton. 

On a deeper level, there is a tiny bit of strain in her voice.  Calling Jim a friend is a tough reality to accept when she feels so much more for him.  Even though she has accepted the friend zone, it’s hard place to live.  Whereas it used to be a safe place to hide from her feelings, it’s now a barrier she no longer wants.  She continues, “And I’m sure we’ll stay friends.“  Pam truly wants to believe this, but deep down she knows if he leaves for New York it will be a friendship that lingers in the past, rather than on that flourishes in the present.  It’s another defensive measure aimed at softening the blow.  Saying goodbye to Jim on good terms is very important to Pam, given the circumstances that lead to his previous departure to Scranton.  Staying friends is about leaving things on a positive note, not a routine of regular phone conversations and e-mails. 

Pam opens up further, “We just . . . We never got the timing right.  You know?”  Pam can’t help but briefly reminisce how everything went wrong.  It’s another way for her to build on her previous defense that it would never work between them.  She says it lightly, almost amused at the folly of their relationship.  The finality of the situation feels so out of hand, that Pam feels like she really has no choice but to accept the circumstances.  It’s here where Pam starts to feel Jim drifting further and further away from her.  It’s been progressively building all day, but this is the moment where she truly begins to let go.

In many of her previous talking heads she spoke of Jim.  Talking about him has been very healing and is giving her the ability to let him go.  The tiny bit of hope she kept carefully hidden is starting to dim as Pam realizes some relationships just can’t be fixed. Her eyes again become distant as she says, “I shot him down, and then he did the same to me,”  Glimpses of pain dance across her face as she remembers all that has transpired over the last year.  Although, this level playing field helped to heal the wounds, the fact of the matter is, they’ve hurt each other.  She did her best to heal the rift, but it wasn’t enough to bring back everything they had.  Pam can accept that, but she still feels the loss.  

She takes in a big breath and that seems to rejuvenate her sense of faith in herself, “But you know what?  It’s okay.”  Pam caught herself beginning to wallow and picked herself up before it was too late.  She knows FNB would not exist if it weren’t for all the hurt and tribulations she faced.  If it weren’t for her relationship with Jim, she’d be Mrs. Roy Anderson right now and that’s scarier than the situation facing her at the moment.   It‘s just like the coal walk in Beach Games, sometimes life hurts, but Pam is strong enough to feel the burn.  FNB is standing strong on her own two feet, even if there‘s and unsteady road ahead.  “I am totally fine.  Everything is going to be totally . . .”  There is a staunch determination in her tone as Pam really believes this.   She says it with vigor and even a sense of excitement. 

The hurt she allowed herself to feel before gave her the urgency believe in herself even more.  It’s was almost a little reminder that she is responsible for her own happiness.  Pam’s most telling phrase is “everything is going to be . . .”  She didn’t get a chance to finish the sentence, but it’s clear she was heading towards something positive.  Everything isn’t okay now, but she knows it will be eventually.  This very optimistic viewpoint is FNB through and through. Pam is smart enough to know that it’s going to take time and she’s not going to beat herself up every time she stumbles.  Pam knows the pain isn’t over, but it won’t be the end of her. Her statement is also another indicator that her hope is still dimming.  The more she holds onto herself the less she is holding onto Jim.  

Just as she is letting go of her hope and relying on her determination to pull her through, the door opens with Jim on the other side calling her name.  He’s almost calling her back to a place she was getting ready to leave in the past.  A place where Jim wants to be with her.  Pam is clearly shocked to see the very man she is talking herself into letting go.  The one thing she dared not hope for is standing right in front of her.  She doesn’t say anything as she waits for him to speak. 

He nervously asks her, “Are you free for dinner tonight?”  Pam is still stunned by his presence, but she manages to give a strong, “Yes.”  She throws in a small nod to ensure her answer.  Her response is more of an involuntary reaction as her brain function has ceased completely.  Between the shock and confusion surrounding his question Pam doesn’t have time to think.  Her instincts took over and answered for her.  Jim smiles and softly responds, “Alright.  Then it’s a date.” 

The camera pans back over to a clearly astonished Pam.  She looks at the camera thinking, Are you kidding me?  She’s not sure if she can believe this really happened.  Once she lets it settle in for a few seconds a euphoric smile graces her face.  Her Jim really just came through that door and asked her out.  In the space of a few seconds, the weight she’s dragged around since Jim let go of her hands on CN (GWH) has been lifted. The deep waters in which she sought to stay afloat have become calm and shallow.  The hurricane of conflicting emotions has dissipated into a warm breeze.  She doesn’t have to miss him anymore.  He‘s here with her.  He’s here for her to love.  All the pain has been replaced with sheer joy. 

Much to her relief, she saw Old Jim flickering in his eyes as he spoke.  Pam knows he’s come home.  This means more to her than anything.  She missed Jim, but she missed the man that fell in love with her even more.  Just as Jim felt her warmth throughout the day, Pam finally got to feel his warmth wrapping around her.  She hasn’t felt it since CN and it feels like the sun is hitting her for the first time.  The beauty of this moment is that she’s not afraid to embrace Jim’s warmth any longer, (as in S1 and S2).  She is allowing it to be part of her. 

The shift of emotions is a little overwhelming for Pam.  She spent her entire day preparing herself for Jim’s departure.   His return was unexpected and unleashed more elation than Pam knows what to do with.  Her heart is likely pumping a million miles a minute as her cheeks flush and her sparkling eyes begin to moisten with tears of joy.  She bites her bottom lip in utter disbelief, still trying to figure out what just happened.  That tiny bit of hope she was getting ready to discard, has now ballooned into unimaginable proportions pushing out the pain and sadness only to leave more room for Pam’s happiness to expand.  In the midst of Pam’s joy, there is also a surge of confidence.  In contrast to Season 2, Pam knows she’s good enough for Jim.  There is a sense that she belongs with him and she isn’t second guessing herself.  She may not be able to believe what just happened, but she knows it isn’t a mistake. 

Instead of having to let him go, Pam’s heart wraps around him and holds on tight.  Pam may have found happiness in herself, but she got more than she could ever have hoped from Jim.  Pam tries to pull herself together to finish her talking head, but she can’t remember the question.  Her thoughts remain on him as she contemplates an unexpected future where Jim is part of her life.  

The Bottom Line:

The timing is finally right.

- - -

JAM Song of the Week:

I realize this is an odd choice, but this song broke my writer’s block.  Both the lyrics and overall feeling of this song felt like Pam in seconds following Jim’s request to join him for dinner.

You’re So True

Artist: Joseph Arthur

Album: Shrek 2 Soundtrack 

JAM Optimist:

1) Jim asked Pam are going on a date

2) Pam knows she is good enough for Jim

3) Pam isn’t afraid of Jim’s feelings

JAM Pessimist:

1) Jim and Pam are different people than they were on CN

2) Communication lines still aren’t at full strength

Questions to Ponder:

1) From Pam’s point of view, what kind of date is she going on with Jim?  What kind of date is it from your point of view? 

2) Should Pam ask about Jim’s status with Karen?  Should she ask about New York in general?

3) Is Pam ready to be in a relationship with Jim?

4) Does Pam trust Jim?

5) Does Pam know what she wants? 

6) Judging from Pam’s reaction, (TH #7), does she think Jim still loves her?