It had been a long day, and Pam was tired. She’d just put the fifth load of laundry into the dryer, and allowed herself to plop down on the couch for ten minutes before she began folding the load she’d just put in the basket, the clothes still warm. She closed her eyes, and started imagining herself and Jim on a beach somewhere, her toes in the sand, a cold, fruity drink in her hand, and the waves crashing on the shore.

“MOMMY!” She was suddenly yanked back to reality, Cece yelling at the top of her lungs from upstairs. “Phil hit me!”

“Philip Halpert! What did I say?! Hands to yourself!” She yelled, hoping that would be enough to encourage the squabble to cease. She knew better, but she had had enough that day. She closed her eyes again, massaging her temples, dreaming of sipping that fruity cocktail. It was Saturday, and Jim still had about an hour left before he could come home. She hated it when he had to work weekends, but understood it was part of the job. She still needed to think of something for dinner, and had come up with either ordering pizza (again), or whipping up some of her famous scrambled eggs and with chunks of hotdog. Her menu-planning had fallen by the wayside a month ago, and she felt bad about it. Jim had always enjoyed the results of her cooking, but she also knew he wouldn’t complain if he disliked something she made, either. She made a mental note to hunt for inspiration in one of the dozens of cookbooks she had once the kids were in bed.

They moved to Austin almost 4 years ago, and had fallen into a cozy existence. Jim was doing well at Athleap, finding his way back into the upper echelons of the company easily. Pam had found a part-time job as an art teacher at the local middle school, which gave her a creative outlet, and time to spend at home with the kids when she needed. Cece was now in first grade, and Philip in pre-K. Pam had gotten used to the new normal they found, and was happy to know she had contributed to Jim’s happiness and success just by saying yes to moving across the country with him. But parenting two young children had been taking its toll, and Pam was finding it harder and harder to find her smile. Yes, she had her art class, yes Jim was happy (which of course made her happy), and she had been asked to do a few murals across the city for various things, so she thought she was mostly happy. The kids were great. They were all great, she told herself.

It was after she finished folding the last load of laundry, and was putting it away that Jim finally came home. It was now 7:23pm, and the kids were brushing their teeth, getting ready for bed. Jim climbed the stairs, tugging on the knot in his tie, loosening it from his neck. “Hey,” he said gruffly as he came into the master closet where Pam was tossing his balled-up socks into the drawer. She turned around, and put a smile on.

“Hey yourself,” she replied, closing the drawer. She walked over to him, and pulled the tie out of his hands, letting it land on the floor. “Tough day?” She placed a small kiss on his stubbly cheek. Jim’s crooked smile made a temporary appearance.

“Darryl says he’s sorry for making me late,” Jim sighed. He knew he should apologize, too. He had forgotten to text when the meeting ran long. “But we landed the account,” he tried to sound excited. Pam could tell something was amiss, but she decided not to pry. He would tell her when he was ready.

“Well, tell him he owes me.” She walked past Jim to check on the kids, making sure they weren’t making a huge mess in the bathroom.

Jim watched her walk away as he began unbuttoning his shirt and pulling the hem from its tucked position in his pants. He knew she was less than pleased with his late arrival, but there was nothing he could do about it. The company was making a lot of money now, and a lot of it depended on his presence. However, there was now a pit in his stomach as he heard Pam directing the children to put their pajamas on and hop in bed so she and Daddy could read them stories. Jim hurried into his pajama pants and tee shirt, and wandered into Cece’s room, sitting on her bed as she climbed under the covers.

“Daddy!!!” Cece jumped up and threw her arms around his neck as he sat down, thoughts of climbing into bed forgotten. “I missed you so much today!”

“I missed you too, Cupcake.” He stroked her blonde curls as she hugged his neck tightly.

“But what took you so long?” she asked, leaning back and glaring into his eyes with a disapproving look. “It made me so sad to not see you today.”

“Me too, baby, but I promise I don’t have to go to work tomorrow, and we can spend all day together, okay?” He patted her bottom as he settled her back into bed.

“Okay,” Cece replied skeptically. “But you better make pancakes,” she warned.

“You got it, Cupcake.” Jim smiled, his daughter’s expression making him chuckle heartily for the first time all day.

Jim loved his job. He really did. He told himself that every day when he snuck into the kids’ rooms to give them light kisses on their foreheads, his eyes lingering on their rosy-cheeked sleeping faces before he left for the day.

He loved going to the office, the expansive space and tall windows, basically the complete opposite of Dunder Mifflin; seeing Darryl and all of his buddies. He enjoyed what he did – meeting with basketball stars, baseball players, and getting to interact one-on-one with them was pretty much a boy’s dream. He even had his own office, with a door, and a great view. He only missed Dwight a little bit. The last few weeks, however, had required a lot of extra stamina, dedication, and more work than he was used to, and he was tired. He and Pam hadn’t been able to really connect on any sort of real level in months, and he knew he was partly to blame.

“What am I gonna do, man?” Jim bit into his peanut butter and jelly sandwich that Pam had made him the night before. She used the raspberry jam with seeds, just like he liked. He picked up the Post-It note she included in his lunch bag, and showed it to Darryl. It was a small sketch of a peanut and a raspberry hugging. The caption read:

Just like your sandwich, this Pam Beesly (Halpert) is hugging her Jim. <3

“Dude, you gotta do something,” Darryl agreed as he peeled a tangerine. “How about some jewelry?”

“No, I need to go big. Like, something she’ll remember.”

“She won’t remember jewelry?” Darryl’s eyebrow cocked up.

“She’s not like that. She’s more about making memories.” Jim chewed, thinking that he and the raspberry shared a remarkable resemblance. His chest grew warm at the thought of being as close to Pam as the peanut butter and jelly were on his sandwich.

“Look, man, I know Pam is different and all, but I know for a fact that all women love jewelry.”

“Maybe,” he allowed. “I feel like jewelry says ‘I’m sorry’, not ‘I want to spend quality time with my wife’.”

“I get you, man,” Darryl said, clapping a hand on Jim’s shoulder. “How about a spa day? I love a spa day,” he added dreamily.

Jim imagined himself with cucumber slices on his eyes, wearing a white terry-cloth bathrobe.

Nope.

---

Later that afternoon, as the day wore on, and the meeting ran long, fatigue set in, as did Jim’s guilt about not being home. He imagined Pam running around the house, chasing the kids, sweeping up messes, and putting her own needs on the back burner. She always did that, especially if it meant the kids or he needed something.

Drumming his fingers on the conference table, he glanced at his Apple watch, and saw 6:45pm glowing at him.

Damn it, let’s go!

Finally, the meeting closed, and Jim bolted out of his seat. Not really remembering how he got there, he was pulling into his driveway at 7:20pm, knowing Pam would already have the kids upstairs getting ready for bed. A fresh wave of guilt came over him as he entered the house, hearing Cece singing a silly song and Philip telling her to stop.

Jim’s breath caught in his throat at thinking about how Pam would react to him being home late, and not calling or texting her. This had to be the last time he disappointed her.

___

Pam was in her favorite nightgown, legs curled underneath her, and she was slowly turning pages in the Alex Guarnaschelli cookbook Jim had gotten her for Christmas. “How do spicy baked chicken wings sound? Do you think the kids will eat them?” she mused, lingering on the page with the picture. She took a sip of tea, feeling herself really relax for the first time all day.

Jim wandered into the family room, sat down on the couch next to Pam, and let out a big, drawn out breath as he tucked his hands behind his head.

“I’m sorry.” His eyes concentrated on the TV remote on the coffee table in front of him.

“For what?” Pam turned her eyes to her husband, looking over at him. She looked at the hair lining his neck, noticing he needed a haircut.

“I’ve been home late almost every day this week, you’re doing a ton around here, and I feel like… I don’t know, Pam. We’re off.” His brow was furrowed in frustration. “I don’t know what to do.” His breathing became shallow, his eyes closing.

She adjusted herself so she was facing him, giving him her full attention. Jim’s eyes were on the ceiling now, and it looked like they were brimming. Pam’s heart started to race just a bit. She could tell Jim was exhausted – in all senses of the word.

“You know what I was daydreaming about today?” Pam decided to take the optimist approach.

He blinked a few times, silent.

“Us, on the beach, toes in the sand, fruity drinks… sunshine.” She bounced slightly in her spot – and then she saw it. A shadow of a smile creeping onto his face. She grinned, her heart swelling knowing she could bring that smile of his back. “My mom could come and stay with the kids… And now that we’re closer to the equator, the flights are a lot cheaper.”

Jim finally lifted his head, turning his gaze to his wife. One tear spilled over, and he wiped it away quickly. “That sounds amazing.” He sat up a little straighter then, and pulled Pam into a hug. She tucked her face into the meat of his shoulder, inhaling his scent. She could tell he’d been active that day, but she liked that smell. His cologne mixed with a little bit of sweat – him. He stroked her back for a few more seconds before pulling away to look at her. “When do we leave?” 

“Daddy, more pancakes!” Cece demanded, as Jim flipped another one on the griddle. She was holding up her My Little Pony plate, which Pam took from her.

“What’s the magic word?” Jim looked over his shoulder.

“Please!” she shouted, her legs swinging wildly, her curls bouncing as she did.

“Coming right up,” he said, as Pam plopped one on the plate, and poured a dollop of syrup on top. She then grabbed her own plate, and settled at the table next to Cece.

“I have to say, these are delicious. Better than usual,” Pam complimented after she had taken a bite.

“Yeah!” Philip chimed in. “These are SO yummy!” he chomped loudly. Pam quickly reminded him to chew with his mouth closed.

“Well thanks, everybody!” Once Jim was finally seated, he noticed that Pam was watching him, a twinkle in her eye. “What?” he asked, chuckling nervously, his lopsided grin appearing somewhat briefly.

“Nothing,” Pam grinned. Her foot found his leg under the table, her fluffy sock moving up and down his shin. Somehow, just the thought of going on vacation, just the two of them, made butterflies awaken in Pam’s belly. Suddenly, Jim’s bedhead was quite sexy.

Munching on some bacon, Jim’s gaze didn’t leave Pam’s face. He blinked, noticing how Pam’s smile was a little brighter today.

And, just then, Pam licked syrup off of her finger, slowly and deliberately, looking up at him from under her brow. Jim nearly dropped his fork. He swallowed, shifting in his chair.

Pam’s Cheshire cat grin widened as she saw the look on her husband’s face. She abruptly took a sip of her coffee, using her free hand to play with Cece’s curls.

Jim was biting his lip now, frustrated. He tried to nonchalantly adjust himself, his groin inundated with warmth. He could tell Pam was trying not to giggle. Two can play at this game.

He reached across the table, and picked up Pam’s hand that was previously holding the mug of coffee. He intertwined their fingers, tracing his thumb around her palm. He looked intently at her, his expression soft.

“I love you.” His voice was slightly gravelly, his tone hushed.

Pam blinked dumbly for a second, and replied, “I love you, too.” If this had been a cartoon, there would be hearts twirling about above their heads.

“You guys are in lo-o-ove,” Cece said, her voice teasing. “Ewwww.”

“Ewwww,” Philip echoed, ever the parrot.

The spell was broken then, but Pam felt closer to Jim now than she had in weeks, hell, months. Jim took a swig of his coffee to distract himself from the growing bulge in his flannel pants. He wanted nothing more than to ravish her right then and there, but… kids.

“Just you wait,” he said, ruffling Philip’s hair. He couldn’t wait until the kids were in bed this evening.

This is far from over.

Once the kids were out of the bath, Jim quickly rubbed Philip’s head with the Finding Nemo towel, creating a grove of spikes on his son’s blond head. “Daddy!” Philip giggled. Jim made a silly face at him, and proceeded to help the small boy into his pajamas, and then tucked him into bed. They read Little Blue Truck together, and Jim placed a kiss on Philip’s forehead.

“Good night, buddy.”

“Night-night, Daddy,” Philip yawned. Jim slowly closed the door, his back meeting Pam’s in the hallway as she closed Cece’s door as well.

They stood there motionless for a moment, Jim’s hand finding Pam’s, and their fingers intertwined.

Pam’s breath caught in her chest. She let it out, slowly. She loved that Jim’s touch could still make her heart race.

Jim smiled, and turned her towards him, their eyes meeting. “Hi.”

“Hi.” Pam smiled a little, and then began leading Jim towards their bedroom.

Jim made sure to lock the door, and then turned to look at his wife. Pam had taken her hair down, letting her unkempt curls fall over her shoulders. She was wearing one of his button-down shirts, and… oh. His admiring gaze made its way down her body, and noticed the pair of jeans that were previously covering her lower half were now lying crumpled at her ankles as she was stepping out of them. She took a step towards him, but Jim had already rushed to her, taking her jaw in his hands, cradling her face to his own as he kissed her. Pam sighed against his mouth as relief, longing, and need washed over the two of them, their mouths finding their familiar dance.

Jim’s skin tingled as he felt Pam’s fingers move under his shirt, and into the waistband of his flannel pants. Soon, those were also on the floor, and he was guiding them towards their bed, their lips still connected. Jim’s hands fumbled slightly with the buttons on the shirt Pam was wearing, but soon her warm flesh was exposed, and his hands snaked their way around her waist. He sat on the bed, his knees apart, and Pam stood in between them, planting small kisses onto his neck. Jim hissed a breath in, and freed his wife’s breasts from the confines of her bra. He expertly handled them, eliciting groans of pleasure from her throat.

Suddenly, Jim felt the mattress under his back as Pam pushed him down, straddling his waist. Jim grinned as she bent down, kissing him deeper, her curls tickling his ears. As he scooted up the bed to accommodate his height, and to make them a bit more comfortable, he wiggled out of his briefs, and pam discarded her shirt and underwear.

He had never really gotten over the fact that he got to have her. He always felt like the luckiest guy in the room whenever they went to his corporate events, as he was one of the few married men in the office. He still felt like an adolescent teen with a crush on the girl in his math class. But he had her, and he wasn’t letting go. Ever.

Pam lowered herself onto his considerable length, and began moving up and down slowly. Purposefully. She was staring into his eyes, and as he looked up at her, he couldn’t help himself. “I love you so much.” She answered him with a kiss, as he lost himself in her. They moved together easily, fluidly. It wasn’t before long that they were climaxing, Pam collapsing next to him.

“Thank God for that,” Pam exhaled.

“Right?” Jim hadn’t felt this good in a long time.

“I can’t wait to christen our hotel room. Wherever we go,” she said, once again dreaming of sunny skies, golden beaches, and turquoise waters.

“Totally,” Jim sighed. “Where do you want to go?” He turned to his side so he could look at her. He lazily ran a finger down her sternum between her breasts.

“I was actually thinking Hawaii,” she replied. “I’ve always wanted to go to Maui.”

“We’ll call the travel agent in the morning.” He placed a kiss on the inside of her wrist, noting the faint scent of lavender on her delicate skin. He smiled, picturing all the things they’d do there. He couldn’t wait.

-One Month Later-

“Jim.” Pam elbowed him in his side as he tipped the bellhop who was collecting their bags. “Huh?” he asked and turned to follow Pam’s gaze.

“Flamingoes. In the lobby.” Pam’s phone was held in front of her, snapping a couple of pictures to capture the scene.

It had taken them a month from when they had decided on going to Maui to actually getting there, and here they were, finally. They were staying at the Westin resort, and had just checked in. They had been given complementary puka shell necklaces and were about to head up to their room to drop off their things. However, their surroundings had made them stop and stare. The sound of water falling greeted them, along with birdsong and brightly colored flowers.

Jim’s eyes darted here and there, taking in the scenery, landing on Pam, meeting her excited gaze. Her eyes were a bright blue today, indicating she was excited and hopeful. She bounced a bit on her toes and took his hand in hers. He squeezed her hand back, happy to be with her in paradise.

“How about we go up and get settled, then come back down and grab a drink?” Pam asked.

“Perfect,” he replied, following as she led him toward the elevators.

Once they were in their room, Pam’s sigh moved his gaze to her. She had opened the sliding glass door to their balcony, which overlooked the ocean. A breeze blew in, sending her curls around her face. She leaned forward onto the railing, and Jim took the opportunity to stand behind her, arms encircling her waist, and looked out to the waves with her. The sun was shining down on them, warming their faces. Paradise. He bent his head down and kissed her shoulder, noting the scent of coconut sunscreen. “Shall we get changed?” He wiggled his eyebrows and Pam giggled, knowing what he meant.

---

It was late in the day by the time they made their way downstairs, their skin still glowing from their afternoon delight. Again, the sounds and sights filled their senses. Bright flowers, waves crashing on the shore, the scent of plumeria on the slight breeze that blew through the lobby.

The sun was getting lower in the sky by the time they got a table at the resort’s outdoor restaurant. Once they were seated, they both looked over their menus. “I’ll have the opah, please,” Jim told the waiter that was standing next to their table. “Thanks,” he said as he handed the waiter his menu. He took a sip of his wine as he watched his wife peruse the menu. He noticed the crease in her brow as she concentrated. Something stirred in his abdomen that felt like concern, but he dismissed it as she gave her order of a salad with chicken. Once the waiter left, Pam took a deep breath.

“I’m not sure if the airplane food made me sick or what, but fish is not sounding good,” she mused as she took a sip of water. She had a glass of wine next to her, but it had remained untouched. Jim’s concern returned a bit stronger this time, as he did a visual inspection of his wife. She looked the same but could tell something was off. “Are you feeling okay, hon?” he asked.

“Yeah, I’m tired and my stomach has been feeling weird. Hopefully a good night’s sleep will help.” She shrugged and stared out towards the ocean, the burnt orange sky meeting the dark water. Jim wasn’t convinced that all was well, but he decided for now to trust his wife’s instincts about her own body.

“If you want to get dinner to go, we can go back to the room,” he suggested. “Maybe you can take a bath in the jacuzzi tub, then go to bed early.” Pam considered it momentarily, but replied, “No, I’m enjoying the view. This is so nice,” and her eyes were on the ocean again, distant and occupied.

“It is nice,” he agreed, nodding. He started to feel slightly anxious, and he realized that it reminded him that she only changed the subject like this when something was really bothering her. “What do you feel like doing tomorrow?”

“Not sure,” she replied finally looking back at him. She tried to smile, “Beach day?”

“I think we can manage that,” he replied. He continued, “Do you think we’ll see Andy floating by in a sumo suit?” His aim was to make his wife laugh, and it landed squarely. She giggled heartily, bringing her hand to her mouth. “Oh my God,” she said through her laughter, which was music to Jim’s ears. “How could I forget about that?” She laughed again, and then they began reminiscing about that fateful day that changed everything.

Their food arrived, and Jim began eating with gusto. Pam stabbed at her salad, but only took timid bites in between small sips of water. She began taking slow, deep breaths through her nose, and was making a weak attempt at acting like her condition hadn’t suddenly changed at the appearance of their food.

“That’s it, we’re going back to the room,” Jim said decidedly, not willing to ignore his wife’s discomfort anymore. He flagged the waiter and asked for the bill to be put on the room’s tab. “We can stay, it’s fine,” she said, but Jim was already getting up and moving towards her to help her stand. He felt her lean into him once she was standing, and he prepared himself to support her weight. He stood firmly until he was sure she was steady. “Okay, I guess we can go,” she said, and went with him willingly.

They walked slowly back to the lobby and into the elevator, where she leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed the top of her head. “You’re worrying me, Pam,” he said. “I’m just really nauseated,” she replied in between deep breaths. She closed her eyes for the elevator ride, and once they reached their floor, they stepped out together, Jim supporting her again. “I’m sorry,” she said, her voice getting hoarse. “It’s fine, Pam, let’s just get you in bed.” He swiped the keycard and unlocked their door and led her into the suite. He sat her down on the bed and bent down to remove her sandals.

“Wait,” she said, and immediately stood up and ran to the toilet to vomit. He sighed, and quickly walked over to hold her hair back for her. He rubbed her back as the heaves came, waiting for it to be over. Once she seemed to be empty, he helped her stand up.

“Ugh,” she breathed as she moved towards the sink to rinse out her mouth. “I haven’t felt this sick in so long,” she said as she reached for her toothbrush. Jim placed a palm to her clammy forehead, “You don’t have a fever.” He crossed his arms and leaned against the bathroom door, his forehead creasing with thought while he kept an eye on her back as she brushed her teeth. “Do you think this is food poisoning?”

Pam spit into the sink and met Jim’s gaze in the mirror. “Maybe,” she put her toothbrush down and walked over to the bed and sat down again. “I do feel better now.” She took off her sandals and Jim came over with her pajamas. “Thanks,” she gave him a small smile, taking the plain tank top and floral shorts from him. “I love you,” her eyes explored the stubble that was starting to show on his cheek. He sat next to her and helped take off her cardigan. “I love you, too.”

She raised her arms like a child when she saw him reach for her top, which he slid over her head and tossed to the floor. He removed her bra for her and pulled the tank top over her head, and she obediently put her arms through the appropriate holes. She stood up and let him unzip her skirt, which he let fall and then scooted it with his foot so it was next to the rest of her clothes. Once her flannel shorts were on, he peeled back the duvet on the king-sized bed, and watched as she slipped into the bed, sighing as her head hit the cool fabric of the pillow. He saw the relief on her face once she closed her eyes, and was finally able to let his belly and jaw unclench. He bent over and kissed her forehead gently before he began gathering the clothes that had been cast off and placing them in a small pile by the suitcase. Something sparked in his brain, but he barely let himself consider it. He looked back at her and noticed she had already fallen asleep, her breathing finally calm and slow. He prayed silently to whatever was up there that all he wanted was her to be safe and happy. As he got ready for bed himself, his imagination was going a mile a minute.

Could it really be what I think it is? He put toothpaste on his toothbrush and began cleaning his teeth. He stared at himself in the mirror. She didn’t get that sick with Phil, he thought to himself. But with Cece… He recalled how sick she had been; how the smell of bacon cooking could send her into waves of nausea that kept her down all day. Another baby. Another Halpert. Another Jim and Pam creation. He couldn’t help but smile at himself, knowing how much he loved his family, especially his children. He loved being a father, and loved that he and Pam had been so lucky to be able to create two perfect kids together. He thought back to when Cece was born, how scared he had been for Pam. She had been amazing, though, and he thought about how it had made him love her all the more, in a different way than before.

He walked over to the bed and started scrolling through his phone. He saw a text from his mother-in-law Helene, an update about how the kids had finished all their dinner and were in bed at a good hour. He sent a quick reply that didn’t give anything about the recent events away, got into bed with Pam, and proceeded to look at photos he’d saved of when she was pregnant with Cece. There she was, belly full and round, a big smile on her face since there was an ice cream sundae resting on top of her bump. The pull in his chest went up to his throat where a small lump had formed, and he felt a tear leak down the side of his face. He put his phone down and turned over to be the big spoon, and let his thoughts carry him to sleep.