Pam’s mother always said that until you witnessed it first hand, you might find it hard to believe that Pam had a temper.

“We’ll see. I'm sure you guys will find your way back to one another someday,” Jim said with a smirk.

Pam felt her temper rising. She swallowed, trying to push it down, but she was so tired of staying quiet, so tired of smiling when she felt like crying, so done with trying to pretend that everything was fine when in fact it was the exact opposite of fine. She was embarrassed about her brief reunion with Roy and upset about his attack on Jim.

But most of all, she was tired of missing Jim. He was right there in front of her, but he wasn’t really there at all, and that suddenly pissed her off. A curtain of red seemed to fall in front of her eyes and she knew that there was no stopping the words that were about to come out of her mouth.

“Fuck you, Jim Halpert!”

Jim stopped in his tracks, stunned. Had Pam seriously just yelled at him, and dropped an F-bomb? He didn’t think he’d ever heard her swear before. He slowly turned and looked at her.

Pam looked shocked. Two spots of colour had appeared on her cheeks, and her whole body was heaving with fury.
“That’s right, I said it, and I meant it, Jim. Fuck you. Fuck you and your smirks, and your judgement, and your ‘who gives a shit’ attitude. I am SO tired of you.”

Jim gave his head a little shake, not taking his eyes off Pam. He couldn’t believe what he was hearing. How dare she get angry at him, after everything she’d done, and not done. Despite his best efforts, Jim could feel his own anger starting to bubble up. But even so, his next words surprised him.

“What gives you the right to talk to me like that? I’m just saying what seems to be true. You broke up with a Roy for a few months, then you got back together. You managed to get him pissed off at me, and I almost got my lights punched out. I don’t think you’ve got any right to be the angry one here.”

Jim’s tone got harsher and his voice got louder the longer he talked. It felt so good to finally say what had been sitting in his throat.

Pam’s eyes were shooting daggers at him. He’d never seen her angry at all before, let alone in a state like this, and he didn’t care. He was tired of pretending nothing had happened between them.

“What gives me the right? What gives ME the right?” Pam turned the volume up with each statement. Out in the office, heads were starting to turn as everyone realized that something interesting was happening in the break room. Dwight’s hand went to his desk drawer as he stood up to assess the possible threat.

Pam took two steps closer to Jim in the small kitchen, narrowing her eyes and leaning toward him. “You rocked my world Halpert. You dropped a bomb on me.” Then she practically shouts, “You tell me you’re in love with me, and then you just disappear, and I have no right to be angry at you?”

Everyone in the office sucks in a collective gasp and all eyes turn to Karen. Karen seems to be unable to take her eyes off the break room door, but her face has gone pale and her hands are gripping the edge of her desk.

Jim’s eyes are wide, and he can’t tear his gaze away from Pam. It feels like the two of them are in a bubble full of long-standing anger and hurt and frustration. He’s somehow completely forgotten that they’re in the break room at work, in public, with their coworkers now eagerly listening. Including his girlfriend.

His eyes bore into Pam’s. He steps toward her, closing the distance between them. It seems he’s unable to stop the words coming out of his mouth.

“What difference did it make to you if I disappeared? I put myself out there, laid it all on the line, and all you could say was that I ‘misinterpreted’ our friendship. Which is a huge crock of shit by the way,” he hissed at her. “As if you didn’t already know exactly how I felt about you.”

Pam was furious. She felt like she was releasing months of pain and anger and she didn’t really care who heard her as she shot back at him, “What are you talking about? I had no idea how you felt about me. How could I know? You never gave me so much as a hint.”

As Pam says these words, a voice of reason begins to niggle at the corner of her mind. She might not have realized how deeply he felt about her, but she knew he had feelings for her. If she’d been honest with herself, she knew she had feelings for him too, long before that ill-fated casino night. But she wasn’t about to let that change how she felt right now.

“Oh come on Pam, you must think I’m completely stupid if I’m going to believe that. You had to know how I felt. God knows I sucked at hiding it. Dinner on the roof? The teapot? All the time I spent standing at reception? All the times I just happened to work late when you worked late? Come on. You knew very well how I felt. Apparently, you just didn’t feel the same.” Jim feels a ping in his heart. Even after all this time, he can’t believe that she didn’t return his feelings even a tiny bit.

Pam’s voice is still angry, but it’s softened just a little when she says, “How would you know how I feel about anything? You never even bother to talk to me anymore.”

“Well you never bothered to tell me you cancelled your wedding. I had to hear about it through the grapevine. That told me a lot about how you felt about me. Or didn’t feel about me, to be accurate.”

“You don’t know anything about me anymore, Jim,” Pam spat at him. “You might be ‘evolving’ but when it comes to me, you don’t know shit.”

Toby opens the door to the kitchen and says softly, “Guys? Is everything ok?”

With that, the bubble around the two of them seems to pop. They look at each other, shocked, and realize that they’re standing face to face, both breathing heavily from the emotion they’ve just spewed at each other. They’re close enough to touch. Close enough to see the tears standing in both their eyes. If it weren’t for their angry words, it might seem that they were about to kiss.

They break the heated stare they’ve been holding and look around. Toby has his head poked around the door looking at them with concern. Out in the office, Dwight is on his feet, on high alert, with what looks like a weapon in his hand. Phyllis looks worried. Angela is shaking her head in disapproval.

Karen’s desk is empty.

Pam looks back at Jim, and brings her hand to her mouth, her eyes welling with unshed tears. She turns and dashes into the ladies’ room behind her.

Jim rubs the back of his neck and turns to Toby. “Hey sorry, just an argument that got out of hand I guess.” He glances at the door of the washroom where Pam has disappeared.

Out in the office, Creed shakes his head and smiles. “Lovers quarrel,” he mutters as he returns to his desk.

Jim and Pam agreed that their first date didn’t need to be fancy, but when they realized they were basically wearing the exact same thing – jeans, blue hoodie, sneakers – they laughed, and decided that they’d like to be a bit more dressed up, or at least dressed differently. They parted ways at the coffee shop with the agreement that Jim would pick Pam up at her apartment at 6.

As Jim drove home, he knew anyone seeing him behind the wheel might think he was a lunatic. A very, very happy lunatic. He just couldn’t stop smiling. What a difference a day made. He not only felt ecstatic that he finally had a date with Pam, but he felt lighter, as if he’d been carrying something heavy. He’d spent years pretending not to have feelings for Pam, keeping himself in check around her. Letting himself reach out and take her hands today at the table had felt so natural, so right. Now he couldn’t imagine how he’d ever held back from showing her how he felt.

And she’d actually said she was in love with him. Is in love with him. Right now. Just the memory of hearing her say those words made him feel giddy.

He knew they were keeping the date casual, but he still wanted it to be perfect. He started to make some plans.
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Pam drove home with the radio blasting, belting out every song that came on, no matter what it was. She felt better than she’d ever imagined she could feel. This is what people meant when they said, “pure joy”. She didn’t think she’d ever felt so happy, so light. What a relief it was to tell Jim everything that had been on her mind for so long. The fact that he felt the same way, that he still had feelings for her, was amazing. She felt like she couldn’t ask for anything else in the world.

And the way he’d held her hands while she talked. She never knew that holding hands could mean so much. Her mind started to wander, thinking about how big Jim’s hands were compared to hers…what they would feel like on her body…Pam shook her head, feeling herself blush. It’s not that she hadn’t had those thoughts about him before. She’d had plenty of them…extensive, detailed thoughts in full colour and action, with sound. She shook her head again and laughed out loud at herself. Geez, an hour with Jim and she was starting to think like a sex fiend. She needed to calm down. They were just getting started. There would be plenty of time for all that. She needed to get serious here. What on earth was she going to wear?
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When Jim rang Pam’s bell at 5:55 pm, he was feeling more than a little hyped up. On the way home from the coffee shop he’d stopped at a flower shop and picked up a bouquet of colourful flowers that he could only describe as “happy”. He hoped Pam would like them. He’d made a reservation for dinner. Nothing fancy, but it was Saturday night, so it might be busy. He didn’t want to leave anything to chance. As he stepped into the shower, and felt the hot water stream down his body, his mind sped ahead to the evening.

Sure, Jim had fantasized about Pam. He’d fantasized a lot about Pam. But now that being with her was becoming a reality, thinking about her THAT WAY felt a little wrong. Not that he wasn’t still very attracted to her. But now he didn’t want to rush. He wanted to take his time and let them really start fresh, have all the fun and excitement of starting a relationship. He still wanted to take her to bed – oh, he SO wanted to take her to bed – but more than anything he wanted to make sure she knew how much he loved her. He vowed to himself that tonight would end on her doorstep, no further.
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When her doorbell rang, Pam’s heart gave a leap, and she actually let out a little yelp of surprise. “Geez,” she told herself, “Hold it together. It’s just Jim.”

She’d spent her time since the coffee shop getting ready for the evening ahead. She’d tidied her apartment and made her bed. She resisted putting on fresh sheets, telling herself that there was no need. This was their FIRST date. She had no intention of ending up in bed with Jim tonight. Not that she didn’t want him – oh my God, she really wanted him – but she thought they should take it slow. They knew each other as best friends, but this was a whole other level. She wanted to enjoy every step of the way. Pam didn’t actually know much about dating, having never really dated as an adult, but she did know that you weren’t supposed to have sex on the first date.

In a fit of optimism a few weeks ago, she’d gone out and bought a “date” outfit. Well, her sister had kind of forced her into it. She hadn’t bought new clothes in a long time, and it was actually fun to shop for things that weren’t for work. She showered, did her hair so it fell in loose curls around her face, and dressed in her best-fitting jeans, flats, and a long-sleeved blue top that cut lower in the front than anything she would ever wear to work. But for a date with Jim, it seemed right. She even had a new bra that sort of pushed everything up, just enough to make the top interesting. Checking the mirror, she liked what she saw, and she hoped that he would too.

When she opened the door, she lost her breath for a moment. Her eyes immediately travelled down Jim’s body and back up again. He looked…yummy. That’s the only word that came to her mind. This was a version of Jim that she’d never seen before. This was clearly “date Jim”. He was wearing nice blue jeans with a black button-up shirt untucked. She rarely saw him without a tie, but now she could see some chest hair at the top of the shirt buttons. It made her feel shy, and excited, and tingly all at once.

 
For his part, Jim could hardly take in everything he was seeing. Pam in jeans that hugged her curves, with a snug top that showed actual cleavage. He’d seen her body in the conservative clothes she wore to work, but actually seeing the tops of her breasts peeking out was new. He gulped and brought his eyes up to meet hers. He silently reminded himself of his vow to end the date on the doorstep. It was going to take a lot of willpower with her looking like this.

He found his voice and said, smiling at her, “You look…amazing.” He passed her the flowers, trying to cover his sudden nervousness. She took them with a smile, and said, “You clean up pretty good yourself. I don’t know when someone last brought me flowers! Let me put them in water. Come on in.”

While she found a vase and took care of the flowers, Jim looked around her small tidy apartment. He was hit with a rush of pride for her. She’d ended a ten-year relationship and moved into her first apartment on her own in the past few months. He was quickly realizing there was more to Pam Beesley than he knew.

“Your place is great, Pam. You should be really proud of yourself.” Jim looked her in the eye as he said it, wanting her to see his sincerity. She blushed a little and murmured, “Well, I had a lot of help from my parents”. She took a step toward him and their eyes caught and held. The world seemed to stand still. There was some kind of energy moving between them, and everything felt different than it ever had before. In the coffee shop they’d felt close again, but this was something new. Well, the energy had always been there between them, but they’d both had to try to ignore it before. Mesmerized by the pull of Jim’s gaze, Pam realized they hadn’t ever been this alone. They weren’t in the office. No one was going to walk in. No one was looking for them. They were allowed to be together. They were allowed to do anything they wanted.

Pam drew in a quick breath at the thought. Jim looked at her in concern and reached out to take both of her hands. “Are you ok?” he asked, looking down at her with a worried frown.

She smiled and nodded at him, hardly able to believe the care she could see in his eyes. “Just…this is so…weird? Us, on a date.”

“Yeah, I know what you mean. But weird in a really good way, right?” Jim asked, smiling back at her.

“Oh yeah, totally weird in a good way,” Pam said, laughing a little. “But you know Jim, it’s hardly right that I get this kind of reward for losing my temper yesterday.”

She looked at the floor and then looked up at him through her lashes. He blinked, opening his mouth but unable to speak. Damn, she was so SEXY. She’d flirted with him before, but never like this. Never with intent. He felt a twitch in his groin. This was a whole new ballgame, and it seemed like she really knew how to play it. He realized she was still looking at him, smiling a little as she waited for his response.

“No kidding Beesley. You should get a span…I mean, a time out for that.” Jesus, had he really almost said she should get a spanking? She was looking at him and laughing out loud now, her hand covering her mouth. “Jim! Oh my God.” She really didn’t want him to know what that almost-word had just done to her. She wasn’t into kinky stuff like that. Yet with Jim…it just seemed fun. And hot. Oh my God. What was wrong with her?

Jim broke the awkwardness, saying, “I made us reservations for 6:30, so we should get going.”

Holy shit, what was that? You’re not into spanking. Are you? Maybe…with her…in a playful way. Jesus Jim, get it together. She’s gonna run a mile if you keep it up.

“Perfect”, said Pam, glad to move on to safer ground. “I’m ready to go.”

The conversation flowed in the car, as they chatted about work and their families and friends. As dinner progressed it felt so much less weird. In fact, it seemed totally natural to talk about anything and everything.

As the evening went on, Pam started to share with Jim some of what had happened when she cancelled her wedding to Roy. She looked at him cautiously at first, asking with her eyes if he was ok to hear it. He nodded and gave her a little smile, knowing that they had to clear the air a bit. Pam talked for awhile, telling him how badly Roy had taken it, and how supportive her parents had been through the whole thing.

She looked at Jim, gave him a cautious smile, and said, “Now it’s your turn. Fill in the blanks for me about what happened with you.”

Jim rubbed the back of his neck and looked at her with slightly sad eyes. “Pam, to be honest, I don’t want to dig up all that stuff. Where we are right now is exactly where I want to be.”

“No way, you don’t get off that easy!” Pam smiled as she chided him. “You have to at least tell me how you got a transfer so quickly.”

Jim didn’t know how far back to go. Would she freak out if he told her that he’d literally been in love with her for years? Probably not. He might as well be honest.

“Well Pam, it started the day you came to work at Dunder-Mifflin.”

As Jim told her how his feelings had first been a crush, then developed into something more the longer he knew her, Pam’s face went from slightly smiling to serious. She reached across the table and took one of his hands in hers and squeezed, then stroked the back of his hand with her fingers while he talked.

He told her that he’d finally decided on the booze cruise that he couldn’t keep up the façade anymore, and he’d started to explore the options. He hadn’t actually intended to say what he said on casino night, but it felt like the whole evening unfolded with that inevitable conclusion.

“Would you have let me marry Roy without ever telling me how you felt?” Pam said softly.

Jim shrugged. “I didn’t want to be the kind of guy who breaks up someone else’s relationship, especially when it’s that close to marriage. But I probably knew deep down that I was going to tell you how I felt before your wedding day. It’d gotten to the point where I honestly thought you had feelings for me too, so I was ready to take a chance.”

Pam looked at the table for a moment, and Jim reached out and put his hand on top of hers, so he had her small hand sandwiched between his. She looked up.

“Jim, I did have feelings for you. But I was completely terrified. Like I told you this afternoon, it wasn’t until you kissed me that I knew the feelings were real. Until then, I didn’t even know that being with you was an option I could let myself have.”

They sat quietly, and as the seconds turned into minutes, they got a little lost in each others’ eyes. The energy was back between them, and it seemed to be equally intoxicating for them both. Jim broke the spell by saying quietly, “I’m going to get the check. You ready to go?”

“Yes, I’m ready”, Pam answered.
_______________________________________
Back in the car, surrounded by warm darkness, the radio playing low, Jim turned to Pam and took her hand. Slowly, never taking his eyes off hers, he raised it to his lips and softly kissed the back of it. Pam felt that kiss in every corner of her body. His touch was electrifying. She couldn’t believe how much he affected her. It had been so long since she’d felt this way, if in fact she ever had.

Pam didn’t think she’d ever heard the low, husky voice Jim used when he said, “If this is a real do-over, we have another stop to make.”

They drove in silence, neither feeling the need to talk. Pam’s hand was back in her lap, but it was being held by Jim’s hand. Every so often he would give it a squeeze and glance over at her with a little smile, almost as if he was checking to see if she was still there. When they reached their destination, Pam wasn’t surprised. The metal gates in front of Dunder Mifflin were closed, but Jim had a swipe card, and the big gates slid back smoothly when he used it. He parked in the far corner, turned off the car, and looked at her. “If this is a do-over, we have to do it right.”

Jim came around to open her door and took her hand to guide her out. Keeping her hand in his, he walked her to a certain spot in the parking lot. Turning to look at her under the dim glow of a streetlight, he said, “Sad, but I pretty much remember the exact spot.”

“Me too”, she murmured.

Jim took both her hands in his and looked at her, his eyes full of so much love she almost felt weak. “Pam,” he said quietly, “I’m in love with you. I need you to know that.”

She looked up at him with eyes that were a little damp with tears. How had she ever said no, I can’t, you misinterpreted? With those eyes of his, and his hair curling around his ears, and his mouth always ready to smile, always ready to say exactly the words she needed to hear?

“Jim, I’m so glad. I love you too.”

With her words, she felt the circle close. All the misunderstandings, the hurt, the tears, the lonely nights wondering. Her words had brought the circle around fully, and they could now start again. Fresh. A true do-over.

Jim smiled softly at her, and then lowered his head to meet her lips. His kiss was soft, tender, saying everything that was between them and more. She kissed him back, sighing softly into his mouth as if she was coming home.
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Jim hadn’t been sure if she’d think the parking lot idea was lame or romantic, but he couldn’t stop himself. He’d come by this afternoon to check that his swipe card worked on the gate. He figured that at least she’d think it was cute. But now that they’d stood there and said the words, he knew there was no other way. He felt like everything in the past was truly past. It was part of them still, but not their whole story.

He’d been waiting all evening to kiss her, and when he’d leaned in and she’d kissed him back, he thought his heart might come out of his chest. But when she’d given that little sigh and leaned in closer, his mind turned off and his body took over. He tightened his arms around her, pulling her soft body close to his. Her hands went around his neck, slipping under the collar of his shirt. He deepened the kiss, tentatively sliding his tongue against her lips. In response she opened to him even more, letting her tongue touch his softly and moving just a little closer.

They might have kissed for five minutes or an hour, who could know. It was as if their mouths, which had done so much talking to each other, needed to get acquainted at a whole new level. His hands went into her hair, loving the feel of the silky strands. She pulled his head closer to her, tangling her fingers in his hair. He moaned softly, loving how it felt.

He pulled her tighter still, letting his hands roam her back and down over her hips. He knew he needed to keep the lid on this, but damn, she felt so good. In all his dreams of her, he never knew exactly how she would feel, and now that he did, he knew he could never have done it justice with his imagination.

When she sucked his tongue into her mouth, he groaned and moved his hands to her ass and pulled her closer, beyond thinking about control, past thinking about being gentle. She responded by sliding her thigh between his and grinding just the tiniest bit against his hardness, and he felt like he might explode from that alone. Just at that moment, a siren sounded loudly on the street outside the parking lot, speeding past to an emergency somewhere else.

The noise broke the reverie of their kiss, and they pulled apart, eyes slowly opening, both laughing a little nervously. Jim brought his forehead down to rest against hers. “Holy shit, Pam, what was that?” he asked quietly.

“I think it was an ambulance or something”, she answered.

“I didn’t mean the noise. I meant what just happened here? I think I felt the earth move.”

Pam giggled. “Me too. I had no idea it could be like that…that it could feel like that.” She fell quiet, thinking she should be feeling shy but only wanting to keep holding him.

“I’ve thought about what it would be like with you so many times, but that was so much more than I ever dreamed. You’re amazing.” Jim wrapped his arms around her and held her close, feeling her snuggle against him. They fit together so perfectly.

After a few long moments Jim slowly pulled away. “I think that’s the best do-over I ever had”, he said softly, leading her back to the car.

Pam woke up late on Sunday morning, the sun streaming around her curtains. She stretched happily, having slept better than she had in months. She cuddled back into her blankets and closed her eyes to relive everything that had happened the night before.

They’d left the Dunder Mifflin parking lot, closing the gates behind them. Jim held her hand as he drove, leaning over to kiss her at every red light. When they got to her apartment, he’d parked and then turned to her, running his hand gently down her face, sliding his fingertips down her neck while she shivered with pleasure. Then he’d kissed her again, and just as things were starting to get heated, he’d pulled away slowly.

“Pam”, he said, looking deep in her eyes. “I think that this is pretty much the best Saturday night – no the best night – I’ve ever had.”

Pam smiled quietly back at him. “Me too. I had no idea I could feel like this. Being with you is so easy, and yet so…”, she looked at the ceiling, trying to find the right words.

“I know”, he said. “I know exactly what you mean.”

“Good thing we both speak the same language”, she smiled. “The one that doesn’t use full sentences.”

He smiled his crooked smile and reached out to stroke one of her curls.

“The thing is, Pam, I don’t want tonight to end, but I also don’t want to rush this…this thing between us. As crazy as it sounds, now that we’ve figured out how to be together, it feels like we have so much time to just…be.”

Pam was already nodding as he spoke. “I know. Part of me wants to just take it slow and really enjoy this. I haven’t been in a new relationship in a long time, maybe ever.” She ducked her head, a little nervous. “I’m not even sure what’s supposed to happen, but I want to just have every bit of that with you.”

“What about the other part?” asked Jim.

“What do you mean?” Pam looked puzzled.

“You said, ‘part of you wants to take it slow’. What’s the other part?”

“Oh, well….” Pam smiled a shyly and sort of looked away. “The other part wants to invite you in and see if we can make the earth move in my apartment like we did in the parking lot.”

She couldn’t help but laugh out loud at the look on Jim’s face. His expression was a mixture of shock, awe and lust.

“Wow Beesley, I had no idea you were that kind of girl” he smiled and touched her face, so she’d know he was teasing. “I’m a little speechless. But I feel the same way.”

He moved closer and kissed her softly, just barely brushing his lips against hers in the most tantalizing way she’d ever been kissed. When he pulled back his eyes were hazy and intense. The air between them crackled with electricity, and she could feel them ready to fall into the chasm of desire at their feet.

Jim spoke, “Let me walk you to the door.”

At her door, they’d kissed again, but they were both restrained, knowing that it was way too easy to get ahead of themselves. Finally, Jim pulled back and said, “OK, if the first part of you is going to get her way, I need to go.”

They’d made plans to go for a walk on Sunday afternoon, so Pam knew she had a few hours to pass before he arrived. She got up slowly and stood staring at the rumpled bed. Then, with a tiny smile, she pulled off the sheets and took them to the washing machine. She wasn’t admitting to herself that Jim might end up there today, but she wasn’t going to take any chances either.