Revenge

Chapter 1

As Andy finished his pig-Latin rendition of the Kermit the Frog classic, Pam tried hard to maintain the polite smile on her face. Andy was so absurd it took everything in her not to laugh, but on the other hand, he was so earnest and sincere that she wouldn’t for the world have embarrassed him. God, Jim was brilliant. His pranking abilities had obviously not suffered from his time in Stamford.

Today had been the best day she’d had in months, and it had started the moment she’d realized Jim was messing with her. It was almost as if the old Jim had finally returned, even though they hadn’t spoken all day, or really at all. He’d been thinking of her, teasing her, making plans that included her, albeit indirectly, and that was enough to make Pam feel almost giddy with happiness, gratitude, and yes, even hope. Their shared look when he’d clued her in on the joke was so reminiscent of old times that she’d felt like crying and laughing at the same time.  She’d missed him so much. Missed them.

As she sat on the Reception area couch facing her serenading suitor, it occurred to her that there was only one way to keep this good feeling going between Jim and her, to attempt to chip away at the awkwardness that had hung between them since the day he’d returned: revenge.

Having finished his song to what appeared to be a welcoming audience, Andy dove right in, speaking in the ancient language of love.

“Am-pay, ill-way, ou-yay, o-gay—”

“In English, please,” she insisted softly.

“Will you go out with me?”

And with a glance at Jim’s back, she heard herself say: “Absolutely I will.” Out of the corner of her eye, she saw his shoulders stiffen in surprise.

“Oh, wow! Really?” Andy was saying. “I mean, I totally wasn’t expecting that. I mean, I had hoped, obviously. But wow. Are you sure?”

Pam did laugh then, but it was with genuine amusement at Andy’s self-deprecating charm. “Of course. Let’s go get a drink.”

“Seriously? On a school night?”

“Why not?” she said. “Let’s do it.”

“Well, all righty then! Let me put my baby back in her case and we’ll blow this pop stand.”

As Andy walked past Jim’s desk, he swiveled slowly around to look at her, his eyes wide with shock.  Trying valiantly not to laugh for the second time in ten minutes, she met his gaze with the same polite grin she’d given Andy, and shrugged at him nonchalantly. He narrowed his eyes as if looking for her tell, but he said nothing. Their moment was cut short by Jim’s cell phone, and he answered it after the third ring.

“Hey. Yeah, I’ll meet you at my place. I just finished up.”  He laughed at what the other person had said, made an inside joke of some kind, and shut his flip phone. Karen, of course.  By that time, her date had returned carrying his banjo case, and she rose to meet him.

“Jim,” she said, “would you mind turning out the lights and locking the door as you leave? I’d really appreciate it.”

“No problem,” he said neutrally. “Have a good evening, Beesly.”

“Yeah, you too.”

Andy turned to Jim with a huge grin, lowering his voice conspiratorially. “Hey, Tuna. I owe you one, man.  Have fun with the old ball and chain.  Pam and I are going out on the town!”

Pam’s eyes lingered on Jim, who was slowly packing up his messenger bag and turning off his computer for the day. She couldn’t see his face. She felt a moment of hesitation, but she’d already committed to the prank, so, under Jim Halpert’s Rules of Pranking, she had no choice but to see it through.

 

Andy drove Pam to Poor Richard’s, and they’d just ordered their beers when Pam turned to her date, ready now to enact Stage Two of her plan.  This part would take some finessing, and some good old-fashioned honesty.

“I’m so happy you agreed to come out with me,” said Andy over the 80’s rock coming from the jukebox. “I haven’t worked that hard for a date in a long time.”

Pam smiled. “Well, you certainly pulled out all the stops. Very impressive.  No red-blooded woman could have resisted. But I have to tell you something, Andy, and I hope it doesn’t hurt your feelings.” She paused, letting her serious tone sink in.

She hated to see his crestfallen expression, his sudden comprehension that things were not as they seemed. But she was about to make him a wonderful offer that might mitigate his disappointment a little.

“Jim’s been messing with both of us all day.  I assume he was giving you advice about how to get me to go out with you.”

“Uh…yeah. How’d you know?”

“Like I said, he was messing with us. Jim is the King of Pranks. He loves to play jokes on people for his own personal amusement. I’m surprised you didn’t see that side of him back in Stamford.”

His brow furrowed. “Not that I remember. I mean, Big Tuna’s always been a cool dude. Maybe a little goofy, and not a particularly snazzy dresser, but a serial prankster? I totally didn’t see that.”

This genuinely surprised Pam. “No one had any of their desk supplies mysteriously encased in Jell-0?”

Andy’s eyes flew to hers. “That was him? That rat bastard cost me an eighty-dollar calculator! I wondered who the hell had done that. He never even had the cajones to confess.”

Pam chuckled. “That’s Jim, all right. But look, he never tries to be mean or hurtful. He’s just having fun.”

“At other people’s expense.” Andy seemed angry now, disproportionately so. She hastened to settle him down.

“Well, that’s kind of the purpose of a prank. But don’t get mad at him; help me to get even.”

Andy took a long drink from his frosted glass of expensive imported beer, while Pam took a swig from her domestic bottle.

“Before I agree to this, I need you to be clear with me. This ‘date’--it’s not for real, is it? It’s your way of getting back at Jim for tricking us.”

She nodded. “I’m sorry. I do like you, Andy, and I would really like us to be friends. But Jim was giving you false information about me, maybe leading you to believe we might be interested in the same things, that we’re more compatible than we really are. I don’t want to waste your time though, thinking there could be something…romantic between us. But for my plan to work, I had to agree to go out with you in front of Jim. See, I know from years of experience how Jim’s mind works, so I’m the perfect person to plot something against him. Are you in?”

He took another drink, considering, and Pam could see the mixture of emotions crossing his boyish face. He was still genuinely disappointed that they hadn’t made a love connection, and she could also still sense the anger bubbling just beneath the surface at what Jim had done.

“Ok…Just for shits and giggles, what’s this plan of yours?”

“We make Jim think his plan failed, and pretend we went out tonight and really hit it off, maybe even had a one-night-stand. Then, we make everyone in the office uncomfortable with our passionate love affair.”

Andy’s smile had returned by the time she finished. “Well, that sounds fun, I ain’t gonna lie. But what’s in it for me?”

“Vengeance, of course, both for the loss of your poor calculator and what he did to us today.”

Andy’s eyes narrowed as a thought occurred. “You wouldn’t by chance be using me to try to make Jim jealous, would you? I mean, I’ve heard you two were close.”

Pam felt her face flush, and was grateful for the dim lighting in the bar. “No, of course not. Jim and I are just friends. When he was in Scranton before, I was engaged, and now he has a girlfriend, so…”

“So…you just want to mess with him a little, eh? Use the old Nard-Dog for your own devious purposes…Okay, I’m in.  I’m curious though, how’s this gonna work? I mean, it doesn’t seem like much of a prank, especially since he has a girlfriend.”

“Oh, I’ve got some other things up my sleeve too; they’re just not fully developed yet. In the meantime, Operation Revenge starts tomorrow. You conveniently drove me to the bar, so we’ll leave my car at the office and you can take me home tonight, then pick me up tomorrow morning, a little later than usual, and we’ll come in together. Time enough for Jim to have noticed my car in the lot but to see that I hadn’t come in yet.  I’m sure he’ll immediately jump to the wrong conclusion.”

“Hmm. Then what?”

“Well, then, we act like we’re really into each other. Smile at each other across the room, sneak cuddles in the kitchen. And, even better, you should find excuses to hang out at Reception several times a day, making sure Jim sees all this, of course.”

“Ok, sounds fun. But no offense, Pam, having a fake girlfriend might actually prevent me from getting a real one.”

Pam thought a moment. “Yeah, good point. I wouldn’t want to cramp your style. So…we’ll have a whirlwind romance, a brief but torrid love affair that lasts, let’s say…a week, before it fizzles naturally with no broken hearts.  Very French, don’t you think?”

“Ooh la-la,” replied Andy gamely.

“Then, you watch: I bet your sexiness factor goes through the roof!”

“How do you figure?”

“Well, it shows how irresistible and hot you can be, and I will have nothing but praise for your prowess that I will whisper to the girls at the office. After it’s over, we can occasionally look at each other with just the right touch of romantic nostalgia.”

This whole idea appealed to Andy immensely, given his natural affinity for the dramatic, for the romantic gesture, for the idea of himself as a sophisticated lover.  He was actually getting so into the scenario she’d created, that he started contemplating what he might add to it to make things seem even more--dare he think it—Shakespearean.  He forgot, as Pam had intended, that the whole thing seemed very illogical as far as pranks went, at least for suitably getting back at Jim.

The truth was, Andy had guessed correctly that yes, she wanted Jim to be jealous. It had worked before with Roy, though when they’d been engaged she hadn’t intended that to happen. Looking back now, she’d known he’d been jealous of Roy, and when she’d noticed, it had given her a secret thrill of both feminine flattery and longing for what she couldn’t have. But now she was free, and the way Jim had played with her today, she felt once more that old tingle of excitement whenever he’d been in prankster mode with her. Surely he wouldn’t have teased her like that if he didn’t still have some feelings for her.

Of course, she felt guilty because he was seeing someone new, but it’s not like they were engaged, and he’d said on his first day back in Scranton that he’d just started seeing her, so the relationship was very new and perhaps still pretty casual. At least, that’s what she was hoping. She was counting on this act of revenge with Andy bringing those old feelings of Jim’s to the surface again.

But she also ran the risk of this going completely sideways on her.  Jim might become so distant she could lose all hope of even restoring their friendship. And there was also the question of whether she could really pull this thing off.  It would be so unlike her to be flaunting a new lover, especially someone like Andy Bernard. She feared that Jim might be able to see right through her, and all of this would be for naught, leaving her incredibly embarrassed. Ultimately, it could end up with the joke being totally on her. 

Well, she thought, remembering the past several months of hell, it wouldn’t be the first time.

But Pam knew she had to put herself out there somehow, take a chance, be brave. Even though she was using Andy, he seemed happy enough to go along for the ride, and she’d been fairly honest with him. Besides, Pam had her suspicions that Jim was using Karen to protect himself from her, which was kind of the same thing. He’d reached out to her today through their mutual love of pranks. She was more than willing to meet him halfway.

XXXXXXXXXXX

Jim sat on his couch with Karen, watching a movie she had picked out that he was barely paying attention to. He was sure he’d suffer her ribbing about that later, when she wanted to discuss and analyze it in detail. His bottle of beer sat mostly untouched on the coffee table, and Karen unconsciously swirled the white wine in her glass as she lay her head against his chest, entranced by the artsy period drama.

No, all he could think about was that Pam had gone out for drinks with Andy to some bar or fancy club.  Andy Bernard, who was either like Dwight on steroids or Michael on Ritalin. The worst thing was, Jim had brought this on himself. But he was sure she’d gotten the joke when he’d given her one of his trademark looks that had always made her laugh, had felt his heart sing when she’d smiled at him like she used to.  He’d been seriously hovering over the line today, pranking her, teasing her like he used to, with his new girlfriend only feet away. But he’d spent years of his life trying to make Pam smile, to make her notice him, to make her love him even a fraction of how much he loved her.  Like any addiction, it was very bad for him, but it also made him feel really good, and he’d found it was very hard to stop cold turkey.

He’d been trying to break the habit and not let himself fall into old patterns, but the truth was, he still loved her, and it both tantalized and made him feel guilty that she was single now, while he was most definitely not. The universe was a cold-hearted bitch, he thought bitterly, reaching for his beer.

They were both startled by the sound of Karen’s phone.  She dug it out of her slacks pocket and looked at the text.  She chuckled.

“It’s from Andy,” she said. “He’s on a date with Pam, and apparently it’s going really well.  Guess sicking him on her today must have made an impression. Good job, Halpert. I never would have taken you for a matchmaker.”

Jim glanced at the clock. It was eight o’clock, and they were still out? For drinks? The memory of a wasted Pam at the Dundies last year flashed in his mind. She’d been such an adorable drunk. He frowned.

“It was just a prank,” he said. “It was supposed to be funny, because I didn’t think they’d have anything in common.”

Karen laughed. “Well, that totally backfired on you. But actually, come to think of it, Andy is usually attracted to the sweet, girl-next-door type. Sure, he tries for the models sometimes, but they are usually so out of his league that he gets depressed when they don’t get past the first date, or he realizes later they were only after his money.”

Jim’s mouth formed a straight line. He didn’t think Karen was really trying to be insulting, but he had to stifle the urge to defend Pam. She was certainly accurate that Pam gave off that wholesome, girl-next-door vibe, but there was so much more to her. Karen seemed to imply that Pam was simple, unsophisticated, small-town. He guessed she was all those things, especially compared to his current girlfriend. He looked down at the top of her dark, silky hair, nary a stray frizzy lock falling out of a dollar store barrette. Pam wore modest skirts and tops with cardigans in various shades of pastel, not expensive pantsuits of black or chic earth tones.  Pam might wear a little lip gloss or a touch of mascara, while he knew that Karen spent a half-hour with expensive cosmetic kits that made her look like she had no makeup on at all.  Pam might be unsophisticated, but she was the most real person he knew, and no way was she going for a douche bag like Andy Bernard.

Jim shook his head and downed his beer. He took Karen’s glass and her phone and set them on the table, then grabbed the remote and turned off the movie.

“Hey!” she protested, but then he gently pushed her to her back, covering her body with his. His lips found hers, and he kissed her with a passion he didn’t really feel, but that he hoped he made up for in enthusiasm.

“Hmmm,” she hummed lazily against his mouth, arching her hips up to meet his. He forced himself to focus only on her, to pay attention to her needs and desires, trying to block out his own—at least the ones deep inside his heart.

And for a little while, it seemed to work.

Chapter 2

Once upon a time, before he went to Stamford, Jim used to always park beside Pam’s car in the office parking lot. But now that he was back, with a girlfriend, he purposely drove to the other side of the lot, though he couldn’t help his heart from squeezing painfully when he saw her little Yaris in its usual spot facing the building. He would force himself to look away, as if he were passing the scene of a bad accident. But this morning, the morning after Pam agreed to go out with Andy, when he spied her car, he actually stopped his to stare, eyes narrowed.

Jim had had to scrape his windshield that morning, after a thin layer of ice had formed from some freezing fog overnight. Pam’s windshield, on the other hand, was still iced over. No way had she driven it that way this morning, which meant—and just to confirm his worst suspicions, he caught sight of Andy’s car in the rearview mirror, Pam in the passenger’s seat.  He pulled hastily into his usual space, turned off the engine, and sat a moment, watching the pair park two spaces away.

To his horror, Andy leaned over and kissed her—maybe on the cheek, maybe on the lips, he couldn’t tell from that angle. At any rate, his heart seized in his chest, and he felt sick to his stomach. Like a gentleman, Andy got out of the car and trotted around to open Pam’s door for her. She took his hand, smiling up at him, and he heard them both laugh in a low, intimate way, though he couldn’t hear what they were saying with his window up. When Pam happened to glance in Jim’s direction, their eyes locked, and he whipped his head to face forward, pulse racing as if he’d been caught doing something wrong.

Karen’s car suddenly appeared between them, and Jim took a deep breath, trying to pull himself together. He grabbed his messenger back from the seat beside him and got out of his car, forcing a smile on his face as Karen emerged from hers.

“Hey,” she said with an intimate lilt, no doubt remembering those passionate moments on his couch the night before.

“Hey,” he replied, meeting her at the end of her car. He automatically bent and lightly kissed her lips, though by the way she clutched his coat-clad forearms, he could tell she’d wanted something less perfunctory. To make up for it, he took her hand, and they walked carefully across the freezing parking lot. Pam and Andy had just entered the building, and, much to his consternation, were holding hands as well.

“Oh, my God,” Karen whispered. “What the hell was that?”

“What?” Jim said evenly.

“Andy and Pam—they’re totally holding hands. Did they come in together?”

Jim swallowed over the hard lump in his throat, trying his best to sound casual. “I didn’t notice.”

She chuckled as he held the lobby door open for her.  “Wow. Unbelievable. You think they spent the night together?”

“No way,” he said automatically. But then they beheld the pair waiting for the slow-moving elevator, lips locked, arms wrapped around each other in a heated embrace. Jim’s jaw dropped, and he felt his face flush in—what was it, anger? He faintly heard Karen gasp softly beside him. The elevator dinged its arrival, and the new couple broke apart like they’d been sprayed with cold water.

“Hold the elevator,” called Karen, dragging the paralyzed Jim after her.

Andy held the door, gifting Karen and Jim with a wide, satisfied grin, while Pam stood by him, her cheeks flushed pink, her lips—Oh God, thought Jim—red from Bernard’s kisses.

“Morning, Karen. Big Tuna. Beautiful day today, isn’t it?”

“For some people more than others, apparently,” replied Karen slyly. Pam and Jim withheld their greetings, but Andy leaned down and whispered something in Pam’s ear, to which she giggled—giggled!—in reply.

It was an awkward ride up, and Jim felt his hand grow clammy in Karen’s, hearing Pam and Andy whispering and laughing softly behind them, the occasional, unmistakable sound of lips smacking together.  Jim felt like he was in a nightmare that he wished desperately he could wake up from, and his heart pounded so loudly in his ears he thought he might actually be having a heart attack. 

Inside the office, amid the hanging of coats on the rack, Jim’s mind was racing as he thought of all the implications of what he’d just witnessed. Clearly, something romantic had happened between them, and Karen was quite possibly right that the two of them had slept together. It wasn’t supposed to bother him, let alone hurt this much, and not just because his prank had been foiled. It shouldn’t matter at all who Pam slept with, only it did. It mattered a lot.

Andy hung out at Reception, leaning over the counter in a painfully familiar way while Pam turned on her computer and readied her desk for the day. The pair continued to talk in low voices while Karen made her way to her desk and Jim put his bag on the floor by his chair, mindlessly turning on his own computer. He was in shock, he realized, and he felt chilled to the bone, knew his face must be pale white.

Unable to bear the spectacle any longer, he escaped for the kitchen, not even seeing Karen, who looked after him in concern. Jim grabbed the empty coffee pot almost violently, filled it to the brim with water, poured it into the coffee maker. He began ladling ground coffee into the filter with shaking hands, not even bothering to measure.

No way she slept with him, he repeated to himself. I’d almost prefer Roy to this ass hat. God, has she no taste in men? No wonder she didn’t want me.

He nearly jumped out of his skin when Karen touched his shoulder.

“Halpert? You okay?”

He flipped the switch on the coffee maker and took a shallow breath.

“I don’t know,” he muttered. “I think I might be coming down with something.”

“Well, you look like death. Why don’t you sit down?”

She nodded toward the small table in the corner. He complied, falling heavily into the chair, while Karen took out a couple coffee cups from the cabinet and the sugar, waiting for the machine to stop. To avoid her searching gaze, he put his head in his hands, elbows on the table, and tried his best to breathe.

 

Back at Reception, Pam’s flirty tone with Andy disappeared the moment Jim and Karen left the bullpen.

“I told you no tongue,” she hissed under her breath at Andy, reaching for a Kleenex to wipe off her mouth.

Andy grinned. “What can I tell ya? I’m a method actor all the way.”

She frowned. “Well, I’m not, okay?”

“But did you see Jim and Karen’s faces? They totally bought it. Tuna looked like he was gonna blow a gasket.”

Pam had to smile a little at that. “I know. I think it’s working. Now, remember, don’t go over the top, or this won’t be believable. Just come up here a couple more times this morning, then we can sit together at lunch, okay?”

“Sure thing, sugar lips.”

Pam rolled her eyes. “No corny nicknames, please. Something more down-to-earth, like sweetheart, or babe, but go easy on using them. Got it?”

He gave her a mock salute. “Yes, ma’am, honey pie.”

She gave him a cold stare, and he backed up, holding up his palms in surrender. “I got it, I got it.  Don’t worry; I can take direction. But I gotta say, Pamela,” he said, leaning back again, his voice deep and intimate, “your lips got game.” He sucked in dramatically, his eyes hot on her mouth, and she felt herself blushing for the second time that morning. He chuckled at her reaction.

“Hush, and get to work,” she said, just as Angela, Oscar and Dwight came in.

She had to admit that Andy wasn’t a bad kisser, but there had been no spark there, not like when Jim had kissed her so sweetly, while her heart had nearly jumped out of her chest. And Jim really had seemed upset seeing her with Andy. She knew this was a high school level game, but if his reaction was any indication, it was working.

 

Andy came into the kitchen just as the coffee pot quick percolating, and he waited patiently while Karen poured Jim and herself a cup of the dark brew. Andy did likewise, dosing his with sugar and creamer.

“Jim, you were so right about Pam, man,” he said, stirring his coffee. Karen had joined Jim at the table. “It was like we’d known each other forever, we are so simpatico, in every way.”  He waggled his eyebrows suggestively, then tentatively took a sip from his mug. He made a face.  “Oh my God! What is this swill? You could take paint off with this stuff,” he said, pouring it down the drain in disgust.

He reached over and emptied out the whole pot, refilled it, and started over. Jim looked up from his hands.

“You did everything I suggested yesterday, and she seemed to like it?”

Karen rose then, and wrinkling her nose, poured out her own cup.

“Yep,” Andy replied. “And of course, a gentleman never kisses and tells, but let’s just say…she totally put out.”

Jim’s eyebrows rose to his hairline. His first instinct was to bolt from the room, but something about Andy’s cocky demeanor gave him pause. Karen, on the other hand, was chuckling and fist bumping Andy. Jim watched the scene with narrowed eyes. He found he suddenly needed more information.

“So, you guys went out for drinks, then?”

“Yeah. Poor Richard’s. We had a few, got nice and buzzy. We decided to get something to eat, but she wasn’t interested in surf and turf. She wanted to go to some chintzy Italian place. Alfredo’s? Flamingo’s?”

“Cucino’s?” Jim offered, smiling a little.  He sipped his coffee, grimaced, but drank it anyway.

“Yeah, that’s the place. We talked for hours, drank a bottle or two of wine—domestic, of course,” he complained snobbishly. “But it was more than adequate to get the ball rolling, if you know what I mean.”

“Hmm,” said Jim. “Then you went back to her place?”

“Jim,” came Karen’s warning tone. “I for one don’t need to hear the gory details. It’s really none of our business.”

“No, no, that’s all right,” said Andy. “Sugar lips won’t mind if I share.”

Jim nearly choked on his coffee. “Sugar lips? Seriously?” He grinned.  “What does she call you?”

He paused a moment, as if remembering himself, his eyes darting guiltily toward the bullpen. “Nah, I’ve probably said too much. Pam is kind of a private person. She’d probably be pissed if I start giving away too many of our secrets.”

“Yeah,” said Jim, amused. “You’d better not chance it.”

The fresh coffee brewed, Andy poured a new cup, lacing it liberally with sugar and cream, while humming a few bars of “Jack and Diane.” Then, toasting them with his mug, sang his way out the door.

Karen went and refilled her own cup. “That was pretty surreal,” she commented.

“Yeah,” said Jim, the familiar twinkle in his eyes, his healthy coloring returning.

“You look like you’re feeling better.”

“I must have just needed my morning coffee,” Jim replied, rising, taking his muddy coffee with him back to his desk, while Karen watched him go, a bemused expression on her face.

Dwight was already on a sales call when Jim glanced over at Pam, who was busy on her computer. He looked her way until, feeling his eyes upon her, she looked up and met them.  He smiled. She smiled back, a little guardedly, and Jim got happily to work.

At 10:30, Michael called a sales staff meeting in the conference room, with Pam along to take notes. Andy sat beside her, and Jim and Karen sat directly across the table from them, Stanley, Dwight, Ryan and Phyllis taking the remaining chairs. Michael, at the head of the table, began talking about their recent sales numbers and the goals for December, while Jim, listening with only one ear, sat and watched the tableau unfolding before him. Andy took every opportunity to whisper to Pam, to touch her hand, while Pam smiled at him, not discouraging his behavior at all. One time she jumped briefly in surprise, and Jim noticed Andy’s hands were no longer on the table. She gave him a withering glance, but Andy grinned like a naughty boy caught with his finger in the cake batter.

“Jimbo,” Michael was saying, “any new leads you brought with you from Stamford?”

“Uh—oh, yeah. With the branch closed down, Jan passed along a lot of clients from those salespeople that didn’t transfer.  There are plenty to go around.”

The others smiled, thanking Jim for sharing.

The meeting continued, Pam dividing her time between flirting with Andy and doing her job. Michael, of course, was oblivious, but Phyllis was watching, and couldn’t resist making a comment later, as the meeting wound down.

“You two seem cozy,” she said.

Pam blushed. “Oh, we just went out for drinks last night.”

“If you have started a new relationship, you are obligated to inform HR,” Dwight admonished.

“Well, it’s pretty new,” said Andy. 

“Yeah,” added Jim, “looks like they’re still in the honeymoon stage. Give ‘em a minute.”

Dwight gave a disapproving chuff. “Well, if you don’t inform Toby, I will.”

“It’s none of your business, Dwight,” said Phyllis. “Stop being such a tattle-tale.”

Dwight made no additional comment, but when he left the conference room, he headed straight for the Annex.  The rest of them filed out, Karen chatting with Phyllis, Jim trailing right behind Pam.

“Hey,” said Jim softly. “I think it’s great, you and Andy. I mean, who knew you two would hit it off so well, what with the pig-Latin and the frisbee golf.”

She grinned, and he saw the hint of mischief there. “Yeah, who knew Andy was such a catch? He is really very sweet.”

Jim’s eyebrow rose. “Really?  Well, that’s nice. I’m happy for you both.”

“Thanks,” she said, and he saw a flash of disappointment in her eyes before the happy mask came down again.  “We’re going out again tonight,” she said.

“Cool.  You know what might be fun? You and Andy and Karen and I should go on a double-date sometime soon.”

She looked genuinely startled at that prospect, but she quickly hid it well. “Sure. That does sound like fun.”

He nodded. “I’ll tell Karen about it, and you two ladies can work out all the details.”

“Oh, yeah. That’d be great.”

Jim went back to work, whistling under his breath.

Pam, Pam, Pam, he thought, shaking his head to himself.  You, my friend, are messing with the master.

Oh, she’d had him at first, what with all the shock value of seeing her macking on Bernard that morning, being flirty, blushing at someone else’s attention. Revenge, he supposed, for torturing her with Andy the day before.  But then he paused.

But why?

Why would she do this?

What did she hope to accomplish?

Jim could think of only one reason, and it stirred in him a mixture of elation and dread. She was trying to make him jealous, but to what end? She’d made it clear his first day back that they were still just friends. She knew he had a girlfriend now. But then, that never stopped you, a small voice whispered to him.

He looked up at her again, but she was busy typing, and then Andy sauntered up to Reception and the fake flirting began anew. Whatever her plan was, he would call her bluff when the time was right. In the meantime, he would have some fun, even though, that small voice warned him, he was playing a dangerous game.  He only had to look over at Karen to realize that.

Pam’s phone rang and Jim looked up. “Sure, Toby. We’ll be right there.”

She set her phone to voicemail, nodded to her new “boyfriend,” and they walked past him on their way, presumably to the Annex. Jim tried not to inhale her fragrance as she walked by, but he couldn’t help it; she smelled like roses. Dwight was giving the couple a superior look, and Jim had the strange urge to kiss the guy for helping him out this way. Any awkwardness on their part was just bonus, and filling out paperwork about their new relationship just took it to a whole new level.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

“Please, have a seat,” said Toby nodding toward the chairs he’d pulled in front of his.   “Dwight mentioned you two were dating. If you’re involved in a relationship, you really have to declare it and fill out the appropriate paperwork.”

Pam looked around and leaned closer to him, touching his hand absently while his eyes grew round at her nearness. She smells like a summer garden, he mused, with all his romantic heart.

“Listen,” she whispered. “We’re actually playing a prank on Jim. We really aren’t a couple. Would you mind playing along? You’re the only one we’ve told.”

“So you’re uh, still single then?” he asked, trying very hard to mask the hopefulness in his tone.

“That’s right,” added Andy. “Free as two little birdies.”

“Well, then, sure,” said Toby, terribly flattered to be included. “Count me in on the joke.”

“Cool,” she said, squeezing his hand and smiling. “I knew I could count on you.  We’re only doing this for a week, so you won’t have to lie for long. Thanks, Toby. You’re he best.”

She and Andy got up and and didn’t hear him mutter after them: “Anything for you, Pam.”

 

“So it’s official now?” Jim asked later, when they happened to meet on a snack break at the vending machines.

“What?” she asked absently, putting in her coins and staring indecisively at the chip selection.

“You and Andy. All set with HR?”

“Oh, uh, yeah. Guess we don’t have to hide it anymore.”

Andy chose that moment to come up and stand behind Pam, gently kneading her shoulders. She tried very hard not to cringe, especially when he bent to move aside her hair and kissed the side of her neck. She blushed instead, embarrassed again that Jim was watching, although that was the point, of course.

“Yep. Pamdy is officially a thing, Big Tuna.”

“Pamdy?” Jim and Pam jinxed, but neither of them called the other out on it. Their eyes met but they looked hastily away.

“You know, like Brangelina. All the epic lovers have a shipper name.” His brow wrinkled, considering.  “I guess it could also be Pandy, or Andela.  Pamdy is kinda cute though, don’t you think, sweetheart?”

“Sure, honey,” Pam replied brightly. Jim tried very hard not to laugh out loud.

“Oh, use Pamdy, definitely,” he said, sipping from the bottled water he’d just bought.  “And by the way, Karen and I talked about the double date idea, and she loved it. How about tomorrow night?”

“Absatively,” said Andy. “We’d love to, wouldn’t we, darling?”

“Of course.”

Jim grinned. “Well, you ladies get together and plan it out. I really can’t wait.”

“Me neither,” Andy replied. “But we’ll uh, probably want to make an early night of it. Don’t know how I’m gonna keep my paws off her that long.”

He squeezed Pam’s shoulders one last time, but Pam abruptly pressed the button for Sun Chips, using that as an excuse to squat and move out of his reach to retrieve her snack.

The moment Jim left the break room, Pam turned furiously on Andy. “A double date? Seriously?”

“Yeah, why not? It’s the perfect opportunity to rub our relationship in his face.”

“I guess,” she said, but something about this whole thing was starting to smell funny to her. Did Jim know she was trying to play him? Well, she thought, contemplating their date tomorrow, I’m really gonna have to step up my game.

Chapter 3

The next day was a lot like the previous, with more Pamdy flirtation and Jim’s sly encouragement of their blossoming “relationship.” At lunchtime, however, Pam began subtly to turn the tables. They were all sitting in the breakroom—Jim, Karen, Pam and Andy—at two separate small tables; Jim with his sandwich, Karen and Pam with their salads, and Andy with gourmet takeout from a local French restaurant (some chicken dish Jim couldn’t pronounce). Other coworkers were there, but no one else seemed to notice what was going on.

Jim watched with amusement as Andy peeled Pam’s orange for her, noting the brief look of disgust as he dug his fingers into the thick rind. Jim covered his reaction behind a drink of water, but then, when Andy attempted to feed Pam a juicy section of the fruit, he froze in fascination.

Pam had been eyeing Jim covertly as well, saw how he’d been watching her interaction with Andy, and decided that now was the time to amp things up. And so, when Andy held up the orange, she slowed him down by gently grabbing Andy’s wrist. Heart pounding at her own audacity, she opened her mouth, guiding the piece of fruit he held slowly between her lips, lightly sucking it into her mouth. Never taking her eyes from Andy, she chewed, swallowed, and then licked the sweet juice from her lips.

Jim’s mouth went dry, made worse by the bite of sandwich he’d just taken. His pants became tighter around his groin, and he felt his cheeks grow warm.

“Hmmm…another please,” she said, her voice gone sensually low. She glanced at Jim, and he felt a jolt of sexual awareness pass between them.

He shifted uncomfortably in his seat, and it was only when he felt Karen’s leg press against his that he remembered where he was. He dragged his eyes from Pam just as Andy chuckled softly and offered her another piece, murmuring something about her being insatiable.

“I think I’ve lost my appetite,” Karen said under her breath. She was trying to make a joke of it, but clearly she’d been watching Jim’s attention to the Pamdy show, and she wasn’t too happy about it. Jim swallowed his mouthful of ham and cheese over the lump in his throat, downing the rest of his water bottle to try to ease its passage.

“Man, that is so hot,” said Kevin from a table at the other end of the room.

This effectively ended the lunch show, and Pam dropped her hand from Andy’s wrist, chewing her orange slice with much less enthusiasm and considerably more embarrassment.  Without another word to Jim, Karen took her half-eaten salad and tossed it in the trash, leaving the break room in annoyance. Unfortunately, Jim had to sit behind the table for a few minutes to try to get his body under control.

Pam was gathering up her own trash, busily stuffing orange peel into her plastic salad container, wiping her lips with her napkin. Jim found he was staring at her mouth again, and he looked back down morosely at the other triangle of his sandwich.

“Sure you don’t want any more of this, sweety,” asked Andy, still holding the rest of her orange.

“No thanks; I’m so full.”

That’s what she said, thought Jim automatically, to which he groaned internally. Stuffing his sandwich into the brown paper lunch bag with his uneaten chips, he shielded the front of his pants and nearly sprinted to the door to the kitchen, where he tossed the bag into the trash and escaped into the men’s room.

“Score one for us,” said Andy, as they sat alone now in the break room. Andy dug hungrily into his lunch while Pam looked in the direction of Jim’s frantic retreat, smiling to herself, remembering his flushed face and obvious discomfort.

“Yep,” she agreed.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jim realized he had to do some damage control, so when he left the bathroom, much deflated, he found Karen at her desk and wordlessly took her hand, leading her out of the office and into the stairwell.  She crossed her arms in front of her chest, looking up at him expectantly.

“What the hell was going on in there?” she asked coldly.  Jim took a deep breath.

“Pam’s trying to get me back for my joke on her and Andy.”

“You mean that recreation of 9 ½ Weeks wasn’t real?”

Jim let out a bark of humorless laughter, his hand running through his hair in agitation. “No. It’s all a show, as far as I can figure. I know Pam. She never even acted that way with her fiancé. It’s just not her style.  All that over-the-top flirtiness, making out near the elevator—not her either.”

“God, poor Andy,” said Karen. “She’s really leading him on then.”

Jim shook his head. “I don’t think so. He seems in on the joke.  She wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone.”

That particular thought struck a chord in him, and he flashed back to how hurt he’d been when she’d rejected him back in May. He’d been so focused on his own disappointment and anger with her that he’d forgotten who Pam really was, and he’d left Scranton in a daze of heartbreak. Now, his own words echoed in his brain: she wouldn’t intentionally hurt anyone.

Karen interrupted his epiphany. “So, what’s the point of all this? How is food porn getting back at you?”

“Trying to convince me that my prank didn’t work, that she could one up me and make me believe she and Andy were really a couple.”

Karen’s brow furrowed. “Why would she do this, unless…Is she trying to make you jealous? Does Pam have a thing for you?”

“No!” he protested vehemently. “She made that perf—no, it’s nothing like that.  We pranked people all the time when I worked here before. We did it to pass the time. She’s just trying to outdo me, that’s all. But since I know what she’s up to, I’m encouraging her to make a fool out of herself to get her to carry on the prank. See? It’s a double prank, or a prank within a prank, or uh, something,” he finished lamely. He knew how silly this must sound to her.

She shook her head, still looking skeptical. “Well, I think it’s dumb, and a huge distraction at work. You should put a stop to it.”

He nodded. “Yeah, yeah, you’re right. But please, play along with it for tonight’s date, then I’ll call her out, I swear, and we’ll all have a good laugh.  I just want to see how far she’ll go with this.”

He stepped closer to her, turning on the charm, taking her hands and removing them from her defensive pose to rest on his shoulders. He bent and whispered against her lips.

“Hey, it’s just a joke. Be my partner in crime tonight. Have fun with it.” He kissed her gently, persuasively, felt her instant response. He moved his lips to her cheek, then to her ear.

“Please?” he breathed, eliciting a gratifying shiver.  She sighed in surrender.

“Okay…but you’re really gonna owe me, Halpert.”

“Anything you want,” he promised, sliding his lips back to hers. But as he kissed her, the image of Pam sucking an orange slice into her mouth was what made him moan aloud.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The plan was for dinner and a movie, and everything seemed normal at the pizza parlor—just four friends laughing and joking around. But it reminded Pam and Jim of the booze cruise almost a year before, when they’d felt keenly like they were each with the wrong person. Andy and Pam toned down the PDA to some extent, only holding hands and just an occasional intimate whisper. Still, it set Jim’s teeth on edge, and he fought back by showing Karen more affection than he usually did in public. Vengeance worked both ways, he thought, and he felt satisfied when Pam seemed taken aback when he kissed Karen’s cheek and nuzzled into her hair, or brought her hand to his mouth. 

True to her word, Karen was a good sport, sounding genuine when she commented on what a cute couple Pam and Andy were, even “awwwing” when Andy called her sweety pie and they rubbed noses.  Jim grinned at Pam’s obvious embarrassment, and she avoided his eyes for the rest of the meal.

After much lively debate over their choice of movie, they compromised by going to the new James Bond thriller, which appealed to Karen and Andy’s love of action (ala Call of Duty) and Pam’s love of Daniel Craig. Jim was neutral, though he’d secretly hoped they’d decided on a comedy; he felt like he needed a good laugh. But no self-respecting American male would pass up a good Bond flick, so he went along happily enough.

Jim was tempted, while he and Pam waited together for their dates to use the restroom before the movie, to put an end to both their suffering, but it occurred to him that it would mean this night would be over, and the awkwardness of their reality would return. Despite the fact that they were both putting on a performance, it felt so good just to be in her presence, to have an excuse to laugh with her, to see the secret mischief behind her sparkling eyes. He wasn’t ready to give that up yet.

“You and Andy seem to have a lot of fun together,” he commented instead, choosing to bait her a little bit. He opened a box of Junior Mints, poured a few into his hand, while Pam munched on M&Ms.

“Oh, yeah, we do. He’s a great guy.  He makes me laugh all the time.”

I’ll bet, Jim thought uncharitably.

“Seems like things are moving along pretty fast though.”

One delicate eyebrow shot up. “Sweet of you to worry about me,” she said dryly.  “You and Karen have gotten pretty close too, in such a short time.”

Jim flushed in spite of himself. “It was easy to do with her,” he found himself saying, “nothing stood in our way.”

Her eyes grew sad and he regretted his bitter words immediately. “I’m happy for you. Karen’s awesome.”

“Yeah,” he said, wondering how things had gone from teasing to angsty in a matter of seconds. Their dates returned and they proceeded to auditorium number five. Somehow, they ended up seated boy, girl, boy, girl, with Pam on the end, Karen and Andy on the inside, Jim in the aisle seat. When he glanced to his left, it was to see Andy and Pam pick up the armrest between them so they could cuddle together, feeding each other candy and whispering again.

Good God, was there nothing else in their play book?

He did the same with Karen, however, and as the previews rolled before them, he tried to focus on the screen. Halfway into the movie, he noticed that Pam and Andy were making out like teenagers. He tensed, the jealousy almost overwhelming him. Karen was entranced by the intense action scene, and Jim realized he had reached his breaking point. She’d won, and he was willing to admit defeat to get this to stop. He surreptitiously took out his phone and shot Pam a text: Meet me in the hall NOW.

Without waiting for her reply, he whispered a clipped “Bathroom,” to Karen, and made his way down the aisle toward the exit. Karen barely nodded in acknowledgement. Outside the theatre, Jim paced like a caged tiger, the muffled action music and a roaring car chase amplifying his agitation. Pam came out maybe two minutes later, and he grabbed her arm, nearly dragging her down the hallway.

“Jim!” she protested his manhandling. “Hey!”

“Come on,” he grunted, but he loosened his hold.

He stopped abruptly before an unused theatre. He’d noticed it earlier in passing, saw the small sign stating it was undergoing repairs. He tried the door, and was pleased when it opened easily.  He pulled her inside and stood with her in the entryway, the light from beneath the door allowing him to just make out her surprised features, while the Exit sign above glowed red around them.

“What the hell--?” she started angrily.

“You can stop this now,” he interrupted.

She paused, her annoyance melting away, and he could have sworn she smiled a little in triumph. He hadn’t let go of her arm.

“Stop what?” she asked innocently.

“You and Andy. I know what you’re doing, and you haven’t fooled me for a minute.”  That was certainly a lie, but he wasn’t changing his story now.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about. Andy and I are—”

He pulled her roughly against him. “I give up,” he whispered desperately. “I know you’re trying to get back at me, but I can’t take it anymore. Seeing you with that idiot is driving me insane.”

“But you’re with Karen,” she said breathlessly, though anger laced her tone. “Why would that bother you?  I’m free now, and it’s none of your damn business what I do.”

She was taunting him, trying to force his hand, and he knew it, but what he didn’t know was why.  Was it just for revenge, or was it something else? Was she trying now to hurt him? Had she really changed so much? They hadn’t stood this close since he’d kissed her months before, and just her nearness was affecting him physically, wreaking havoc on his mental state too, bringing his hopeless love for her painfully to the fore.

“Why are you doing this to me?” he asked, failing to keep the anguish from his voice.

“What am I doing that you haven’t been since the moment you stepped back in Scranton? You’ve been punishing me for months. You didn’t even give me a chance to explain why I—why I refused you last May, before flaunting Karen in my face.”

“You could have called me, Pam. You’ve had plenty of time since I left.”

“I know,” she said brokenly, the tears she’d held back in anger now falling steadily down her cheeks. “But I was afraid it was too late, that—that you hated me.”

“I do,” he said, his own voice rough with despair. “I hate what you do to me, how I can’t look at you without feeling like my heart’s been ripped out. I hate that this stupid, fake thing with Andy fucking Bernard is making me want to strangle him with my bare hands. I hate that I’ve been lying to Karen and to you and to myself all this time. But most of all, I hate that I love you even more than I did when I kissed you seven months--”

But his words were silenced by her mouth on his, by the stopping of his heart and the white heat of desire. This time when he held her, it wasn’t tentative and sweet; it was sure and strong and filled with longing and lust and regret. His hands were everywhere, molding to her sides, her hips, her back, before sliding up to delve into her soft curls. Her mouth opened eagerly to his, and she drew in her breath when their tongues collided for the first time.  He tasted tears and chocolate and joy, and he drank her in, his brain clicking off as his heart and hands and mouth took over. 

Hungry for more, he moved her to the closest dark wall, aching for the feel of his body pressing against hers.  He felt like he was drowning, or dying, or any number of clichés that couldn’t begin to describe how she made him feel. He had no idea how long they stood kissing that way, but things began to spin out of control, as his hands slipped under her blouse to cup her breasts, and her short nails were gliding over the bare skin beneath his green Henley. He knew nothing but the mindless desire to have her right then, against the carpeted wall of an empty movie theatre. It was a crowd of laughing and chattering patrons exiting another theatre that awakened them to the world again.

He tore his lips from hers, taking deep, gulping breaths as he rested his forehead against the wall behind her.

“Jesus,” he rasped. He could feel their hearts pounding against each other, could hear the sound of her ragged breathing near his collar bone.

“Oh my God,” she said, and suddenly it seemed they had both become extremely religious. Jim laughed shakily, stepped back to allow them both some air. But she didn’t want to let him go, and she hugged him to her again, whispering her love for him over and over, her lips on his face and at the racing pulse in his neck.

His hands found her cheeks and he strained to see her in the dimness.

“I love you too, he said simply. “I don’t know where to begin to tell you how much.” His swollen lips found hers again, reminiscent of the sweetness they’d shared once before all the madness of these last months.  “I’m sorry," he said. "So sorry that I hurt you.”

“Me too,” she said solemnly. “More than you know.”

He kissed her forehead, her nose, her lips, a prayer of gratitude echoing wordlessly in his head.

“What are we going to do?” she asked.  “Karen—”

“I don’t know. I’m going to have to hurt her now too. I’ve been so unfair to her. I care for her, very much, but I’ve never loved her.  As hard as I tried to forget you, I couldn’t, but God knows I tried.”

He held her hands in his.  “We should go. I have no idea how long I’ve been gone.”

“We’ve both been gone. How could they not notice…suspect?”

He sighed. “I told Karen about our little prank war. I said I was going to confront you about it tonight. That’s what happened here isn’t it? That’s what we’ll tell them.  At least it’s partly the truth.  Then, I’ll find a time to tell her as gently as I can.”

She nodded. “Okay.” She took a deep breath to calm herself, but all that she wanted to do was pick up where they left off, take him home with her, take him to bed. He leaned down and kissed her one last time.

“We’ll be together soon, I promise.”

When they left the empty theatre, a Cineplex employee spied them.

“Hey, you guys aren’t supposed to be in there. It’s under construction.”

“Yeah, we found that out by accident,” said Jim.  “The door was unlocked. We almost fell through the floor. You’re lucky we don’t sue.”

“Just read the sign next time,” he finished, scurrying away.

“You’ll be hearing from my lawyer,” Jim called after him.

“That was mean,” Pam said with a smile.

“I couldn’t help myself. He reminded me of Dwight.”

She chuckled, and held his hand till they found their original theatre.

When they got inside, Andy and Karen were not in their seats. Pam and Jim retrieved their coats from the seat backs where they’d left them, and went back out to the hallway. They checked the restrooms, checked the lobby, then Jim got his phone out to message Karen.  He’d missed two texts from her. His phone had been on vibrate during the movie, and he’d been so wrapped up in Pam he hadn’t even noticed the vibration in his back pocket.

The first text said: Where are you? You’re missing the best part.

Ten minutes later: Guess the joke’s on you, Halpert. Andy is taking me home. Hope you and Pam are having fun.

He stared at the message for a full minute before he handed Pam the phone. She blanched as she read the messages.

“Sorry,” she said truthfully. 

“So much for a gentle break up,” he said. “Shit.”

“What are you going to do?”

He sighed. “First, Beesly, I’m taking you home. Then, I guess I’ll go back to Karen’s hotel room and face the music.”

She gave him a sheepish grin.  “Why doesn’t anything ever go easy for us?”

He reached over and touched her cheek, feeling it grow warm beneath his hand. “I don’t know, but I really think we’re due for a break…sugar lips.”

She laughed, and as they walked out into the cold night air, he drew her to his side, kissing her lovingly on the temple.

Chapter 4

Earlier, in the theatre…

Karen didn’t know how long Jim was gone before she was able to divide her attention from the movie enough to realize it. She texted him, asking where he was, and focused on the movie another few minutes without receiving a reply.  She turned to Andy beside her, noticed for the first time Pam was not at his other side.

“Hey,” she whispered. “Where’s Pam?”

Andy shrugged. “Bathroom. Concession stand. I don’t know.”  Their conversation continued in urgent whispers.

“Jim’s been gone too, for fifteen or twenty minutes.”

Andy glanced to Karen’s left, like he needed to confirm what she’d said.

“They’re together, aren’t they?” she asked, and Andy saw her eyes had begun to water.

“Maybe. So what?” He chose for her sake to misinterpret her meaning. “They’re probably both in line for popcorn.”

She shook her head. “I know what you and Pam are doing, that you two are trying to get Jim back for his prank. So stop bullshitting me and tell me if Pam is trying to make Jim jealous, if she wants him for herself.”

“The thought occurred to me. Jim seems like too much of a Boy Scout to actually cheat on you though.”

“But there’s something going on between them, and I think it’s more than friendship. Haven’t you noticed how they’ve been looking at each other the past two days? You don’t look at your friends that way.”

“Well what do you want to do? Find them and confront them? You go ahead; I’m watching the movie.”

She grabbed his arm, holding it tightly with a surprisingly strong hand. Andy glanced down at it, then met her eyes, hurt and anger glittering there in the light of the flickering screen. He and Karen had been friends a long time. He cared about her, didn’t want to see her hurt. His suspicions about Pam’s motives suddenly didn’t seem so off base now. Pam’s actions with him--the orange sucking and tonight’s making out that had given him a raging hard on in spite of himself (he’d been in a sexual slump lately), now seemed too calculated not to illicit a jealous response from Jim.  And now the two of them had disappeared, together? Andy wasn’t angered by this exactly—he’d willingly signed up, after all—but it annoyed him that she probably wasn’t being honest with him about what she’d really hoped to accomplish by their ruse.  More importantly, if she was really after Jim, there went his chance to convince her that going back to his apartment for a little fun wouldn’t hurt anything, would just add to the realism of their performance.

He sighed. “Text him and tell him we’re leaving. See what comes of that. If he responds right away, if they come back with an innocent explanation, then we know. If not, well I’ll take you home and to hell with both of them, okay?”

“Okay,” she said. “You text Pam too.”

“I don’t have her number,” he said, frowning at the realization.  He was beginning to feel like the chump in all this, even though Pam had made it clear it was all just a prank.

Karen had sent her second text and stared blindly now at the movie. Her mind was racing, and the feeling she’d tried to suppress about Jim and Pam could no longer be denied. He’d kept things from her, and she was starting to realize that she’d totally changed her life, moved here, for a man who’d also been lying to himself.

She gave him five minutes to answer. “Let’s go,” she said bitterly, fighting tears again.  Anger was quickly overshadowing the hurt.

Andy didn’t hesitate, and they left the theatre, leaving the coats of their betrayers where they’d left them.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Later…

It had taken all Jim’s self-control to stop kissing Pam at her apartment door, not to yield to temptation and follow her inside. It all seemed so surreal, like he was living out his every fantasy at last. His blood was pumping hotly through his veins, his body responding to hers like a starving man at a banquet. But he’d already made enough mistakes; he didn’t want to add sexual betrayal to his crimes against Karen.

So, he kissed Pam one last time, told her he loved her, and once she was safely inside her apartment, he walked stiffly back to his car.  He drove with the window open to the cold night air to help calm himself, so by the time he arrived at the Day’s Inn, he had regained most of his self-control.  Now, he turned off the engine with an acute sense of dread. Karen didn’t deserve what he was about to do, and he was prepared to accept all the yelling and lambasting he knew he deserved. He hoped she didn’t cry though, because that would be the worst.

On his way to the lobby door, he passed a familiar Toyota hybrid—the NardDog vanity plate confirming his suspicions: Andy was still here with her.

Great, he thought. He really hadn’t wanted the added awkwardness of breaking up with Karen in front of an audience, especially not Andy Bernard.  Not to mention the fact that Andy wasn’t exactly his favorite person right now, given how he’d been all over Pam the past couple of days.

Jim took the elevator to the second floor and walked with a heavy heart to Karen’s door. He’d been there many times over the past few weeks, and he recalled with a guilty twinge the nights he’d spent buried deep inside of her, using her to forget the one he’d really loved. He’d been a grade-A asshole, and he wasn’t proud of himself in the least.

He knocked on the door, and Andy answered almost immediately.

“Hey, man,” said Jim. He looked past Andy to see Karen sitting on the queen-size bed.

“Hey.  Sorry we gave you the slip, but Karen wasn’t feeling well.  Come on in.  I’ll give you two lovebirds some privacy.”

Jim’s eyes widened at that. He’d expected an altogether different reception.

“Oh. Uh. Thanks.”

When the door closed behind Andy, Jim moved into the small hotel room. She’d been looking for an apartment, but hadn’t had much luck, and he knew she hated it here.

“Are you okay,” he asked her tentatively, waiting for the other shoe to drop.  That last text about him and Pam had sounded angry, sarcastic. He’d been mentally preparing for a major set down.

She smiled. “Yeah. Sorry we left. I figured you and Pam were hashing out the prank within a prank thing, so when you didn’t answer my text, Andy kindly took me home.”

“I’m sorry. Yeah, we were. My phone was on vibrate from the movie and I…” He trailed off, examining her benign expression, trying to recalibrate.  “So, you’re not mad at me? I know we were gone a long time.”

She shrugged.  “I was involved with the movie. I started feeling sick so I will accept a raincheck of you taking me back to watch the ending sometime.  I really hope Bond gets the girl in the end.”

Jim shook his head. His head was spinning, and he was starting to feel a little sick himself. Seriously? What the fuck?  His stomach dropped suddenly as he realized how infinitely more complicated this had all become. Karen apparently wasn’t mad at him. She didn’t act like she suspected something was going on between him and Pam. Plus, she was sick. He thought of Pam at home in her apartment, waiting for him to return a free man. Breaking up with Karen wasn’t going to be just a formality now.

Jesus.

He ran an agitated hand through his hair.

“You want a drink?” Karen was asking him, nodding toward the small refrigerator where he knew there was a stocked mini bar inside.  He and Karen had partaken many times over the past month, laughingly pouring tiny bottles of wine into plastic hotel cups. They’d mostly been naked in bed those times. He briefly closed his eyes, trying to block out those images that just added to his guilt.

“No thanks,” he said automatically.  “Can I get you anything?”

She shook her head, then smiled a little mysteriously. “I’d better not.” She patted the bed beside her.  “You gonna stand over there all night, Halpert? Take off your coat and come sit by me.”

He complied reluctantly, but it gave his hands something to do, gave him time to stall.

He tossed his coat over a nearby chair, and took his place beside her. He reached for her hand, cool in his even colder one. He was nervous and filled with dread as he looked at her, admiring her lightly freckled, olive complexion, her exotic eyes, her chic haircut. She was such a great person—funny, smart, beautiful--a real catch, as his mom would say. And he could tell she really liked him, maybe even wanted things to become less casual between them. How was he supposed to do this to her?

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something for a few days,” she said, before he could take a breath to speak.

“Oh?”  He desperately jumped at the reprieve.

“Yeah.  I guess there’s no easy way to say this, but…well, I’m late.”

“Late for what?”

She stared at him patiently a moment, willing him to stop being so obtuse.  When it finally sank in, his eyes widened, and his jaw actually dropped.  His mouth went dry, and he cleared his throat before he finally managed a broken croak: “Late, late.  As in, you’re—”

“Maybe,” she said. “I don’t know. I’m about a week past my usual time, and I’ve been feeling kinda weird.”

Jim thought his head might explode with an overload of too much information, too many implications to process.

“But, we’ve uh, used a condom, every time,” he insisted.

“Those things aren’t one-hundred percent, Halpert. Don’t you remember your high school health class? And besides, the first couple times we did it, a condom was all we used.  I was just so caught up in the moment, I took a stupid risk.”

He stood abruptly then, pacing in agitation for the second time that night.

“Have you taken a test?” he asked, the obvious question slow to come to his addled brain.

“Not yet. I figured I’d give it a few more days.  I mean, maybe the stress of moving, starting a new job has messed up my cycle.”

“Is it too soon to take it? I mean, I’ll run out and buy you one right now—”

“I don’t know. I’ve never had to take a pregnancy test before. I’d really rather just give it some more time before we freak out. More than likely, I’m not.”

A wave of anger washed over him at her words. “Jesus, Karen, if that’s what you think, why tell me now?  Why not wait until you’re sure?”  

She met his outburst with a flash of her own annoyance. “I don’t know, Jim,” she began sarcastically. “Considering this concerns you equally as much as it does me, I thought you deserved to share in the worry I’m going through, just like you might have to share in a lot more if I am pregnant.”  Her hands dropped unconsciously to her flat stomach, and his eyes followed the movement.  He felt immediately contrite, and he sat down heavily on the bed beside her, took her hand again.

“You’re right, I’m sorry. Of course. No matter what happens, you’re not alone in this, okay?”

But unbidden came the memory of only minutes before, when he was kissing Pam outside her apartment door. God, what was he going to tell Pam? She was waiting for him to return to her a free man, with no obstacles between them at long last. If Karen really was—he couldn’t even think the word—well, how could he expect Pam to want to stay with him when he had that kind of responsibility?

He stiffened when he felt Karen lean her head against his shoulder.

“I’m glad to hear that. If nothing changes, I’ll take the test in a few days, I promise.  Can you hold on that long?”

“Days?” he asked. Hell, he didn’t know how he was going to get through the next few minutes.

“I want to be sure the test is accurate. I’ll do some research though, see for sure when the best time is.”

He swallowed hard, felt the beginnings of frustrated tears. “I think I’ll have that drink now,” he said, going to the fridge and grabbing two small bottles of vodka.

 

 

He left twenty minutes later, passed Andy in the small hotel lounge, nursing a glass of scotch.  He didn’t stop to chat, but simply nodded and went on his dazed, slightly tipsy way. He thought of calling Pam, but couldn’t bring himself to do it, didn’t know how the hell he could tell her this right now. He sat in his cold car, not bothering to start it and get the heater running. He needed a few minutes to try to think.

What he really wanted to do was drive to the nearest drug store and buy a damned test, take it back to Karen and force her to pee on the damn stick or whatever she had to do.  Not knowing was far worse than knowing, even if the answer was positive. At least if Karen were pregnant, he could begin to plan his life. Now, he was stuck in a holding pattern with both women. He certainly hadn’t broken up with Karen tonight, not on top of her news, and he couldn’t bring himself to pressure her into taking the test before she wanted to. For one thing, he didn’t think it would be good for her to be upset if she was carrying his child.

 Holy shit! His child!  

And then there was Pam. Pam. She loved him. She’d actually said it. Despite the conversation he’d just had with Karen, knowing Pam loved him made his heart flip over with an almost overwhelming joy. And she’d kissed him, given him hope for their future together. But despite all that, things seemed so tentative, so…delicate. Was their new love strong enough to survive the challenge of another woman bearing his child?  He honestly didn’t know.

He rested his forehead on the steering wheel until the cold began to seep into his bones, his mind tumbling all over itself with contradictory thoughts and extreme emotions until he wanted to scream aloud.

“Pull yourself together, Halpert,” he said instead into the empty car. And so he drove back to his own apartment, trudged up the stairs, unlocked his door and lay in the center of his bed, fully clothed, shell shocked. Sometime in the wee hours, he must have fallen asleep from sheer mental exhaustion, and since he’d forgotten to take his phone off vibrate again, he’d missed Pam’s texts.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

After Andy saw Jim leave the hotel, he made his way back up to Karen’s room. She let him in, looking grim.

“Boy, Big Tuna looked like a big zombie on his way out.”

“Yeah, he was pretty shocked. I almost had second thoughts. Almost. But I wasn’t lying, you know. I am late.  But I’m not worried. My cycle isn’t that regular, and I have been under stress lately about the move and the new job.  I’m sure my period will start in a day or two.”

Andy held up his hands.  “Okay, that’s about all I ever wanted to know about your lady times. How long do you plan to torture the guy?”

“I think a few days is actually a small price to pay for how I’ve turned my life upside down for him, for how I suspect he’s lied to me all these weeks about his true feelings for Pam. Besides,” she said with an ironic smirk, “I thought Jim liked a good prank.”

Andy shook his head in fearful admiration. “Lady, you are one cool bitch.  Remind me never to get on your shit list.”

She wasn’t insulted, as he knew she wouldn’t be. “Don’t ever forget it, buddy.”

Chapter 5

Jim’s alarm startled him out of a terrible dream, in which he’d found himself married to a woman he didn’t love with a child that looked oddly like Andy Bernard, big white teeth and all. Heart pounding and sweaty, he got out of bed and trudged blindly to the shower.

What am I going to say to Pam? he thought, as the hot water sluiced over him. How could he possibly expect her to accept him when he had another woman’s baby on the way?  He leaned his head against the shower tile and tried not to cry.

Dressed, with two cups of coffee in him, he grabbed his phone from his nightstand and made his way back downstairs. It was then that he thought to check his messages.

Dammit. Pam had texted him twice and called him once. He listened to the voicemail, his pulse quickening to a jittery pace.

“Hey, it’s me. I hope you’re okay, that everything wasn’t too terrible with Karen. Call me if you can.  I—I love you.” He heard her shy little laugh and again fought the urge to fall apart.  “God, it feels good to say that! Bye.”

He made sure to save the message in case that was the last time he ever heard her say those words to him.

He would see her in about fifteen minutes, so he didn’t call her back. 

Chicken shit, he said aloud to his empty apartment.

When he arrived, Pam’s car was already in the Dunder Mifflin parking lot, and just as he turned off his engine, Karen pulled in beside him. He made himself wait for her, hoping she’d have some good news to share before this dreaded day began.

“Hi,” she said. Her voice was neutral, her eyes giving nothing away.

“Hi. How are you?”

“The same,” she said meaningfully.

“Oh.”

They said nothing more as they walked into the building, and Jim felt a horrible sense of déjà vu. It had only been a few days before when he and Karen had followed Pam and Andy into the office and he’d felt sick thinking they’d been together. Now, he felt sick again, though for a totally different reason.

“Let’s try not to think about it till we know for sure,” Karen was saying on their way up in the elevator.

He laughed without humor. “Yeah. Right.”

Karen smiled. “Look, it wouldn’t be so terrible, would it? I mean, a baby is a blessing, no matter what.”

Jim’s head swiveled to her in surprise. “Oh, uh, uh, of course,” he stammered. “No question about that. It’s not the baby’s fault.”

She frowned. “What are you implying, Halpert? Whose fault is it, exactly?”

He cleared his throat nervously. “Ours?”

She laughed, shaking her head. “No one’s, silly. Having a baby is not a fault. In some cases, it’s just a…surprise.”

Jim swallowed hard, his stomach in knots.  He didn’t think that was the moment to tell her he hated surprises.

Just as he opened the door for Karen into the office, she latched onto his hand with a vicelike grip. Pam looked up, smiled widely at Jim, then her eyes went immediately to Karen’s hand in his.  Her face fell at the same rate that his stomach did.  He might just throw up after all.

“Good morning,” Pam said, her voice now subdued, her smile gone.

“Good morning,” said Karen enthusiastically. “Beautiful day today, isn’t it?” Jim remembered that those were Andy’s exact same words when he and Pam first began their ruse the other morning.

Avoiding both women’s eyes, Jim pointedly began taking off his coat, which meant Karen reluctantly had to let go of him. When they both stood by Reception, coatless, Karen tiptoed up to kiss his cheek.  Jim actually flinched, and Pam ducked her head down, her cheeks pale.

“Coffee?” Karen suggested brightly.

“Sure…thanks.”

Jim remained by Pam’s desk until Karen practically skipped toward the kitchen.

“You didn’t tell her,” said Pam softly, but he heard the hurt in her voice as if she’d screamed it.

“No. Not yet.” He sighed. “Let’s find a time to meet privately later. I have to talk to you.”

“I’ll IM you,” she said.

“Okay.”  He started to move toward his desk.

“Jim. Are you okay? You didn’t answer me last night.”

“No,” he said. “I’m definitely not okay.”

He could no longer bear the pain of standing in front of her, and he realized he must be scaring her with his mysterious words and somber tone, but he couldn’t mask his own fear; he didn’t know how to mitigate hers. He was sorry he couldn’t protect her from this.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pam wasn’t just scared, she was terrified. Upon seeing Jim and Karen, obviously still together, her legs began to shake, her hands grew sweaty, and her mouth went dry. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed by a giant hand. 

Jim obviously hadn’t broken up with Karen.  Had he had second thoughts when he went back to Karen’s hotel room the night before?  Had he realized he’d made a mistake making promises to her?

Just as Jim was called into Michael’s office a few minutes later, Andy arrived.

“Hey,” she said tentatively. “Why’d you leave with Karen last night?”

Andy’s smile turned forced. “She wasn’t feeling well, and you guys were nowhere to be found, so…”

“Did you see Jim there, at her hotel room?”

He nodded. “Yeah. He showed up, looking pretty serious, so I made a hasty retreat. I stopped by the hotel bar for a drink on my way out, saw the Tuna leave about a half-hour later. He was looking pretty glum.”

“Any idea why?”

“Nope,” he said, but Pam’s eyes narrowed when she saw him quickly glance down, nervously tap his fingers on the counter.

“What did you and Karen talk about before Jim got there?”

He shrugged. “Nothing much. I mean, she was sick, so I was focused on that. Despite us pranking her, Karen and I have been friends a long time. I was…concerned about her, that’s all.”

“Okay.”

Andy met her gaze again. “What did you and Tuna talk about at the theatre?” he Funny how Jim didn’t get Karen’s text. You guys were gone a long time…”

It was Pam’s turn to act coy. “I just confessed to the prank, and we cleared the air between us. He won’t be playing matchmaker with either of us again, I’m sure, so consider yourself thoroughly avenged.”

Andy frowned. “So does this mean…no more Pamdy?” He put his hand on his heart dramatically.

She grinned. “Nope, sorry.  But we’ll always have the break room.”

He chuckled. “And the elevator, and the movie theatre.  Well, sugar lips, it was great while it lasted.”

She nodded, holding out her hand. “Thanks for going along with me. We really got him good.”

He took her hand. Instead of shaking it, he bent over it and kissed her knuckles gallantly. “My pleasure, fair maid.”

But as Andy made his way to his desk, his frown returned for real this time. She was still playing him. He’d hoped she would admit that she had really been using him to trying to get Jim from Karen, but she hadn’t trusted him enough to confide in him. He glanced over at Karen at her desk, where she had been surreptitiously watching his conversation with Pam. He nodded to her: everything was still a go. Maybe Jim and Pam deserved what Karen was doing now, he thought bitterly. Being lied to made Andy very, very pissed off.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

When Karen offered to go for a lunch run, claiming she was craving a Philly cheesesteak, Jim encouraged her to go. He handed her a twenty, and asked for extra cheese. The moment she was gone, Pam shot him a text, and they agreed to meet in the stairwell in five minutes, each taking a roundabout way.

In the stairwell, Jim couldn’t help drawing Pam immediately into his arms.  He hugged her to him, nuzzled into her hair, closed his eyes tightly, as if this might be the last time.

“I love you,” he breathed. “Don’t ever forget that.”

She pulled back a little so she could look into his troubled eyes.  Pam’s fear returned in full force when he couldn’t hold her gaze.

“What’s wrong?”

His hands lowered to take hers, and he looked between them, down at his feet a minute, mentally and physically preparing himself. He took a deep breath, let it out.

“I couldn’t break up with her,” he said.

She was disappointed, but understanding, which just made Jim feel worse.

“I’m sure it was hard. I get that you need more time.”

He shook his head. “It’s not that. She—she—” He swallowed, and the tears he’d been trying to hold back welled up in his eyes. “She told me she might be…pregnant.”

“What?” Pam felt light-headed, but at the same time, her limbs were heavy as lead.  Her hands tightened involuntarily in his.

“God, I’m sorry,” he was saying desperately.  “I thought we were being careful—”

“Are you sure? You say she might be…”

“She says she’s late, but not late enough to take a test to be sure.”

Pam frowned. Something suddenly struck her as a little off.  “Insist that she takes it,” she said. “Those things are pretty accurate these days, even if you’re not far along.”

“What? I can’t. I don’t want to put any more stress on her than necessary. I mean, what if—”

“Jim. You deserve to know. This is your life too. Hell, I’ll go buy her a freakin’ test myself.”

Jim spied a bit of hope: Pam seemed genuinely on his side. She didn’t appear to be mad at him, at least not yet, not without all the information.

“Okay.  But—but what if she is pregnant? I mean, I’m never going to be totally out of her life now. What would that mean for—for us, for you and me?”

One hand came up to caress his cheek, wiping away a lone tear that had finally fallen. Her eyes softened.

“We’ve been through too much to give up now,” she whispered, “we’ve had too many obstacles in our way to stop trying. I’ve loved you since the day we met, even though I avoided admitting it to myself. I let you go, refused your love once before. Now that I know you still love me, I’m not going to make that mistake again, I promise.”

He gathered her against himself again, his arms holding onto her for dear life.

“Pam, I’m so sorry,” he repeated.  “I’ve loved you so long, I don’t think I can survive it if you’re not in my life again.”

“We’ll get through this together, no matter what happens. If she’s having your--your baby, well, I’ll love him, because he’s yours. I’ll be there, for both of you.”

He stepped away from her to see her face, her own cheeks gone blotchy with tears. He realized in that moment, that, as selfish as he wanted to be, he had to leave her a way out if it came to it. “I can’t ask you to commit to that sweetheart.  You might feel differently later, and I wouldn’t blame you if you did.”

“I know what it’s like to lose you. I’m not ready to do that again.”

She kissed him then, trying to infuse all her love and strength into it, to comfort them both, to feel this connection that she knew in her heart would get them through anything.

Andy had noticed when Pam, then Jim had disappeared from the office, and, trying not to draw attention to himself, he had gone to look for them, hoping to spy and report back to Karen.  When he’d heard muffled voices echoing in the stairwell, he’d slowly and quietly inched open the door. The couple had been so caught up in each other, they hadn’t heard him, but he heard them.

As he listened to their desperate words, all of his anger began to melt away, and he could feel their anguish. The romantic in him latched onto that, and while he still hated that Jim had betrayed Karen, he could understand now that the two of them had loved each other a long time, that this wasn’t just some momentary passion. He felt suddenly contrite.  He was ashamed he’d gone along with Karen’s plan. Clearly it hadn’t been a prank, but the deep desire for revenge that had compelled her to do something so uncharacteristically cruel. Sure, she’d always been sort of cold, had scared off more than one man over the years with her demanding nature, but she was also fun and caring. It had to be that personality trait that had attracted Jim, after all.  This wasn’t like her, and he’d been a little shocked the night before when she’d come up with this plan.

For some reason, it hadn’t worked out between Jim and Pam before, and Jim had apparently tried to escape from it in Stamford, had used Karen to shield himself from it when he returned to Scranton. Jim had probably been lying to himself, Andy realized, just as much as he had been lying to Karen.

Andy’s loyalty to Karen prevented him from running to the lovers and spilling the beans then and there. He had to appeal to Karen’s better nature, get her to end this soon so she could save face and find a way to move on. If Jim loved someone else, there was nothing for her here, he thought sadly.

As quietly as he’d opened the stairwell door, Andy closed it, then thoughtfully went back to his desk to wait for Karen.

Chapter 6

When Karen came back with a bag of takeout, Andy noticed that Pam looked up from her place at Reception, but didn’t otherwise acknowledge her. He’d been waiting for Karen at his desk, fidgeting, swiveling his desk chair back and forth, trying to think of a way to broach the subject of her fake pregnancy.

“Hey,” she said, sitting at her desk. “Where’s Jim?”  Jim wasn’t at his desk, and she glanced at the breakroom where most everyone was still enjoying their lunch hour, but Jim wasn’t there either.

“I have no idea. He left right after you did.” Andy didn’t mention yet that Pam had too, that he’d seen them confessing their love to each other, seen them kissing, heard them speak in low, frightened voices about Karen’s possibly pregnancy.

She frowned, but opened the white paper bag, taking out a foil-wrapped sandwich.

“Here,” she said, “I got one for you.”

“So I’ll keep my mouth shut?” he said with a smirk.

“If only that’s all it would take,” she teased. Mostly.

He shrugged and took the proffered hoagie, but then rolled his chair over to hers.  She looked at him askance.

“You need to quit this, Karen,” he whispered. “I’m telling you as a friend.”

She stared at him, and he saw the anger and hurt behind her eyes, but also a good bit of stubbornness.  “Why?”

He risked a quick look at Pam, who seemed busy enough on her computer. “Because this thing between Jim and Pam—it’s not just some fling or affair. They’ve been in love for a long time, and they seem pretty committed now. Jim was going to end it with you before you dropped the b-bomb on him.”

She blinked back sudden tears. She’d been afraid of that. “Well, I’m certainly not gonna make it easy on him.”

Andy shook his head, his expression turning to genuine pity. “Why would you want a man who loves someone else?” he asked. “You deserve someone who is just as into you.  And this revenge thing is not a good look for you.  It’s not you; not the Karen I know.”

She was on the verge of crying again, but she determinedly held it back.  “How did you come by all this sudden insight?” she asked suspiciously.

Andy sighed, dreading telling her this. “I heard them talking on the stairwell about thirty minutes ago, saw them kissing. I’m telling you the truth, Karen, because you really need to hear it.”

“So,” she said. “Confirmation that he’s been cheating on me.”

Andy looked heavenward. “Maybe. But I got the impression they haven’t slept together.”

“Kissing is cheating, Bernard. And cheaters shouldn’t be allowed to go unpunished.”

He looked deeply into her eyes, past the pain and anger, and saw that she was still not budging from her original plan. Well, he’d tried.  Karen was going to be really pissed at him for ratting her out to Jim, and he might just lose her friendship, but Andy couldn’t stand by and let a woman toy with a fellow man that way.  He and Tuna were by no means close, but the guy didn’t deserve this, just for having the misfortune of loving the wrong woman.

Just as Andy rolled back to his desk, Jim returned, carrying a small, white bag of his own. He watched as Pam looked up and gave him a brief, encouraging smile, which he returned, though Andy could tell he seemed really nervous about something.  After hanging up his coat, he walked straight to Karen’s desk.

“Hey,” she said with strained brightness. “I have your sandwich here.”

“I’m not hungry,” he said.  “But I brought you something.”  He set the small bag on her desk.

She looked from his face to the bag and back again, trying to gauge his intentions. “What’s this? Apple fritters from that bakery we like?”

“Open it,” he prompted. 

Like she expected a bag of snakes, she straightened the folded down top, and peered inside at the pregnancy test he’d bought her. Her face contorted in sudden rage, and she threw the bag at him, which he caught automatically.

“I told you to give me a few days,” she hissed.

Undaunted, Jim shook his head. “I’m sorry, but I need to do this today, for my own peace of mind.”

Her eyes flew to Pam, who was watching the encounter with unashamed interest. Karen looked back at Jim, towering over her, the bag still in his hand. He offered it again.

“Be honest, Jim.  You need to know so you can be with Pam,” she said spitefully.

By then, their coworkers were trickling out of the breakroom to get back to work.  Jim was looking at her with surprise. How did she know about me and Pam?  

Well, there was no point denying it. “Just take the test please,” he said softly, setting the offending bag back on her desk. “Wait till after work if you want, but I want to see it.”

“You’re a real asshole, Halpert,” she said.

“I know,” he agreed. “And I’m really sorry about that.”

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Jim didn’t get any work done the rest of the day. Every time Karen got up to get coffee or headed toward the bathroom, he would tense, glance meaningfully at Pam, then his eyes would settle on the small white bag, still on the corner of her desk, untouched.

At five, while everyone else was leaving, Jim remained in his chair, watching as Andy looked at him with a grimace, then shook his head slightly at Karen, who ignored him.

“Bye, Karen,” Andy said, but she didn’t reply.  Something was definitely up there, Jim realized, but at the moment he really didn’t care what.

When Andy left, Pam sent Jim a text:

Do you want me to stay?  He looked over at her, his eyes strained.

No. But don’t go far, ok?

I’ll wait in my car.

Thanks. I love you.

I love you too. No matter what, it’s gonna be ok.

A few minutes later, she left too. It was only him and Karen left in the office now.

Without a word to him, she got up suddenly and took the bag with her.

Jim waited, then followed her to the women’s restroom, where he waited impatiently outside in the kitchen.  God, what if she was pregnant?  How would this work? Pam said she would stay with him, but the difficulties of her going through his ex-girlfriend’s pregnancy with him seemed insurmountable. Then there would be the awkwardness of him having to divide his time between the woman he loved, and the mother of his child. Then, of course, there was the child. His child. He’d been lucky to have a wonderful example in his own father, but his parents had been happy together, and his childhood had been full of love and the safety of two parents who loved each other. That wouldn’t be the case with his child.  In that alone, Jim already felt like a failure.

Five minutes later, Karen emerged.  She was none to happy to see him waiting there for her.  He was lucky she didn’t throw the used test at him, but then, it wasn’t in her hand.

“You’re off the hook, Halpert,” she said. “I’m not pregnant.”

It was really difficult for him not to show relief, and for a moment, his mind went blank.  Finally, he managed a nod. “Thanks for taking it.  I’m sorry—I was just going crazy, needing to know.”

She looked at him now, tears suddenly filling her eyes.

“Why didn’t you tell me about Pam?” she asked. “Why did you start things with me when you were in love with someone else?”

“What? Karen, I—”

“I had to fuckin’ hear it from Andy Bernard, too.  You know how humiliating that was?”

“I was going to tell you last night, at your hotel. But then you chose to give me your news. I didn’t want you to be upset, didn’t want you to think that Pam would keep me from accepting my responsibilities.  I’m sorry,” he said again.  “For a lot of things.”

She raised an eyebrow. “For what things, exactly?  Have you been cheating on me?”

“No.”

“Have you wanted to?”

He hesitated, trying to find the right words to explain himself that didn’t sound really shitty.  “I thought things were over with Pam.  Actually, there never was anything going on with her. We were never together. She was engaged when I was here before. I left because she was bound and determined to get married, and I couldn’t handle it.”

“So you used me to try to get over her, right?”

“Yes,” he said honestly, flinching at the hurt in her eyes. “But I--I really like you, Karen; I care for you deeply. You’re a great person. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt you.”

“But you’ve had months to tell me about her, and you didn’t. You let me believe there could be a future between us.  You had to know I was falling in love with you.  God, I gave up my whole life for you, to follow you here to this backwater hell hole.”

Jim sighed, rubbing the back of his neck in supreme regret.  He hadn’t actually known she loved him. This made things infinitely worse, he realized, because he’d been her—in love with someone that didn’t love him back. Or so he used to believe. Unfortunately for Karen, she was right.

“You have every right to hate me. Hell, I hate myself.  There’s no way I could ever make this up to you, or apologize enough. But I am sorry, Karen, more than you know.”

She looked at him a moment, all the hurt, anger, and embarrassment converging in her pale eyes. “Someday, you’re really gonna regret this, Halpert. The world has a funny way of getting even with you. Trust me, I know.”

He felt a cold chill run up his spine, and it froze him to the spot as he watched her walk away. He felt the full weight of her curse, and it was that wave of fear that had him bolting into the women’s room to look in the waste basket. The empty box was covered by a layer of paper towels, and inside was the small, white, plastic stick. Wrapping toilet paper around his hand, he pulled it out of the box, squinting at the small readout. There was one blue, vertical line in the little window, and he looked on the back of the box to see what that meant. Not pregnant.

Feeling ashamed again, disgusted with himself for the level that he’d sunk to, he dropped everything back in the trash, re-covering it with paper towels.  He washed his hands in the sink and looked at himself in the mirror. He was definitely relieved, both that Karen wasn’t about to be the mother of his child, and that the ruse with her was finally over. He could be with Pam now, but not, he realized sadly, with a clear conscience. It would take a while to like himself again, and he said a silent prayer that Pam’s love would help him come back to who he really was.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Pam waited impatiently in her car. She didn’t want to imagine how things were going upstairs, and she felt the guilt of what she’d done to Karen weighing down on her.  She’d purposefully baited Jim by continuing that prank with Andy, and in some ways, it had succeeded beyond her wildest dreams. But she had apparently underestimated Karen’s feelings for Jim. It had been a lot more than casual, from what she’d seen.

After about twenty minutes, Karen emerged from the building, her face tear-streaked, her expression bleak and sad. She saw Pam in her car and stopped suddenly, then went purposefully to the driver’s side where Pam sat.  Pam rolled down the window.

“You’ll be happy to hear I’m not pregnant with your boyfriend’s child. Thank God I’m not. I wouldn’t want that asshole for my baby’s father anyway. I hope your childish prank was worth all the pain you’ve caused, Pam. You two fuckin’ deserve each other.”

Pam watched her turn and go, felt her own eyes fill with tears for her part in this stupid mess. A few minutes later, Jim appeared, looking solemn and pale.

“Hey,” he said at her window. “I really need a drink. You wanna follow me to Poor Richard’s.”

She didn’t need to ask him how it went. “Okay,” she said. “See you there.”

Two drinks in and he was telling her everything. He was finished keeping secrets from her, from anyone he cared about.

“God,” she said next to him on a barstool.  “We really hurt her.”

“Yeah, I know. But it’s over now, and I don’t want to talk about it anymore.   I really just want to focus on you—on us.”

He rested his hand on hers on the bar.  She gave him a small smile. “Okay.”

But neither of them made a move to leave, and after three more drinks, Jim was well on his way to a bender. Pam let him drink, knowing he needed it, only nursing one beer throughout, so by the time he was nuzzling into her neck, his hands copping quick feels of her breasts that she laughingly resisted, she knew it was time to get him home.

“All right, Mr. Handsy, let’s go.  I’ll drive.”

She managed to get him off his stool, and into his coat, and he hung heavily against her for support as they made their way out the door. He was telling her knock-knock jokes, of all things.  Dirty knock-knock jokes.

“Knock Knock.”

“Who’s there?” Pam asked, halfway to the door.

“Ivanna.”

“Ivanna who?”
“Ivanna screw your brains out!”

“Jim!” she exclaimed, laughing in spite of herself.  “What are you, in seventh grade?”

“No, wait, Beesly, they get better.”

“I hope so.”

“Knock Knock.”

“Who’s there?” She played along, rolling her eyes as she pushed open the door of the bar.

“Ben Hur.”

“Ben Hur who?”
“Ben Hur over the table and I’ll give her a big surprise!”

“Oh, my God.  Well at least you’ve graduated to high school.”

“Knock Knock.”

“Nobody’s home.”

“Come on, Pam. KNOCK KNOCK,” he yelled, his breath visible in the cold air.

“Shh! Okay, okay. Who’s there?”

“Gladiator.”

“Gladiator who?”

But now he was laughing to himself so hard he couldn’t say the punchline. They stopped at her car, and she looked in dismay from him to her tiny vehicle. No way she was getting him in there in his current state without hurting both of them. She walked him around to the passenger side of his car.

“Gimme your keys,” she told him, then she had to repeat it.  It took him a moment to stop laughing enough to listen to her.

He grinned in a semblance of seduction, patting his front pants pockets. “You’ll have to come and get ‘em.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Seriously?”

“Uh, yep.”

With a sigh, she turned from beneath his arm to check each of his pockets. Naturally, she was wrong the first time, and he giggled as her small hand moved around inside.  “Sorry! No prize! You wanna play again?”

She reached into his other pocket, found his keys, before he surprised her by wrapping his strong arms around her and pulling her close. When she looked up to protest, his mouth fell on hers, and despite the fact that he tasted like a still, she responded immediately, and they stood there, kissing passionately against his car until she had to pull her mouth away to catch her breath.  At least she’d gotten his keys.

“Stop. I’m gonna need a clear head to drive you home.”

He chuckled delightedly. She pressed the unlock button on his key fob and opened the door.

“Get in, Halpert.”

“All right. Pooper party.”

“Yeah, that’s me,” she said dryly.

She was glad this was yet another way Jim was not like Roy. For while it seemed like déjà vu to be helping a drunk man home, Roy was an angry drunk, or, if she was lucky, a silent one.  Jim was actually hilarious, but it saddened her that he’d needed alcohol to get to this point tonight.  This night should have been a celebration, but instead she’d watched him try to forget the day at the bottom of a whiskey bottle.

When she finally got him settled in his seat—not an easy task despite the bigger car—she leaned over and buckled him in.

“I love you, Pam,” he said, his voice sounding suddenly sober near her ear. She looked into his glassy eyes, dark in the car’s dim interior light.

“I love you too.  And we’re gonna get through this, I promise.”

He grabbed the back of her head and held her there while he kissed her again.  She wondered what it said about her that she was still turned on, even though in the back of her mind she knew he’d probably forget all about this tomorrow.

She moved hastily away in self-preservation, going around to the driver’s side, having to press a button to move her seat all the way forward.  Jim, she noted was suddenly quiet, and she wondered if he’d passed out.

“You didn’t answer the door,” he said, once they’d pulled out onto the street. She glanced over at him, and his eyes were closed, his head drooping to his shoulder.

“What?”
“Gladiator,” he repeated.

“Oh. Gladiator who?”

“Gladiator before they screwed, instead of after.” And then his whole body was shaking with silent laughter at his own joke.

“That’s disgusting,” she said, but she laughed anyway.

“I like jokes. And pranks. But you and Andy really got me good.”

“Yeah,” she said uncomfortably, remembering the pain of the last few days. She wondered if either of them would ever have the heart to play one again.

“You know, Karen drove me home drunk one time.”

Pam stiffened. She certainly didn’t want to know this story.

“Really?”

“Yeah. It was supposed to be a drinking contest between Karen and Andy and I, but I kept drinking and drinking and drinking because I missed you so damn much and you weren’t there.”

“I’m sorry.”

“And I kissed her that night, but I pretended it was you.”

“And I didn’t answer your text the next morning because I felt like I’d cheated on you.”

She hadn’t known that.

“God, Jim.”  She really hadn’t wanted to hear that, because she knew that every minute he’d been in Stamford, she’d missed him too. They’d wasted so much time.

They drove on, and Jim was blessedly silent.  She knew his address, embarrassed to remember how she’d looked it up on the company records after he’d moved back. She pulled up in front of one of the newer, more expensive townhouse complexes in town. His recent promotion had certainly paid off.

“Apartment H-4, right?” she asked, after stopping the car and nudging him a couple times.

“Huh?”

“Apartment H-4? Where you live?”

“Yeah, yeah.”

She walked with him again, and this time he seemed even heavier. It was a struggle to hold him up and open his apartment door, but she finally managed. No way was she going to risk trying to get him up the stairs, so she guided him to his living room couch, where he stood on wobbly legs while she shucked off is coat. He fell heavily then, with a grunt, onto the black leather, and she laid a throw blanket gently over him before taking off his shoes. She was moving away to leave when he caught her hand.

“Don’t leave me, Pam,” he murmured. “Stay with me.”

She bent down to lightly kiss his lips, unable to stop herself, even though he smelled like flop sweat and alcohol.  “Okay,” she said.  He opened his eyes and looked at her, and for a moment he seemed perfectly lucid.

“I’m an asshole, Pam. How can you love an asshole?”  He sounded devastated, broken.

“Because I’m an asshole too,” she told him.

She looked at him a moment as he slipped into a drunken sleep, brushed his messy hair from his forehead. He looked like a little boy, she realized, having never seen him sleeping before. She couldn’t resist kissing his forehead, his cheek, the tip of his nose, his lips, before slogging up the stairs to find his bedroom.

 

Chapter 7

Jim woke to a crick in his neck and a headache.  He never slept on the couch because he was way too tall to be comfortable, and he’d slid to the floor sometime in the night—but not before he’d slept wrong. He sat up gingerly, rubbed the back of his neck, trying to remember what had happened that had ended with him on his short couch. He recalled Pam being there, in his apartment, leading him here, and that she’d kissed him goodnight after they’d commiserated over what bad people they were. He sighed to himself and got shakily to his feet.

His hangovers were usually short-lived, and his personal cure was simple and three-fold: shower, coffee, aspirin—in that order. He trudged up the carpeted steps to his bathroom, did his business, then turned on the shower as hot as he could stand it. It soothed his sore neck and head, and he began to feel a little better right away. He stayed there until the water ran cold, then a few minutes more of that to wake himself up. On the road to recovery, he got out of the shower, dried off, slicked back his hair, brushed his teeth, and walked to his bedroom, his towel wrapped low on his hips. He’d turned on the light and was rummaging around in his underwear drawer when Pam chose that moment to speak.

“Hey.”

“Jesus! Pam!” 

“As tempting as it is to see what’s under that towel, I thought I’d be a lady and warn you that you have an audience.”

Pam chuckled as he instinctively grabbed the knot of the towel with one hand, put his hand over his heart with the other. She’d been awake awhile, had used the bathroom, washed her face, and borrowed some of Jim’s mouthwash, but she’d tried not to make much noise and hadn’t gone downstairs so she wouldn’t awaken him. He’d been so drunk she knew he’d needed to sleep it off awhile. Since it was Saturday, she’d dozed a little longer herself in his bed, alternately thinking about all the events that had led her here.

“I thought you’d gone home,” he said, trying to recover. When he noticed her squinting into the bright overhead light, he switched it off and went to sit by her in the morning sunlight sneaking through the half-open blinds.  She sat up against the pillows, and he noticed with another twinge in his heart that she was wearing one of his old t-shirts. He’d had lots of fantasies of finding her in his bed, but nothing could compare to seeing her in real life, her curly hair delightfully mussed, her cheeks flushed from sleep, her eyes soft and adoring as she looked at him.

“I didn’t want to leave you without a car,” she said, too embarrassed to tell him that she couldn’t afford a cab right now. Payday wasn’t until next week, and without Roy, she’d had to learn to live on a receptionist’s salary.

“Huh?” He cocked his head in confusion.

“I drove you here last night in your car. Don’t you remember?”

“Nope.”

She grinned. “You were pretty out of it.”

She became distracted by a residual bead of water from his shower that slid down from his wide shoulders to his lightly furred chest, then onward to disappear beneath his towel. She’d never seen him without his shirt before, and she reached out a shy hand to touch him. His skin was warm and smooth, and she watched her own hand glide over his pecs. She felt him tense at her touch, felt the frantic pounding of his heart beneath her hand. When he shivered a little, she looked up to meet his eyes. They’d gone dark with desire, but he didn’t move as she continued her exploration, tracing each lean muscle of his chest, moving lower to touch his flat, muscled stomach just above the towel. He drew in a sharp breath, and his abs tightened. Impulsively, she leaned closer to catch a water droplet on her tongue, her hair tickling his chest. He tasted clean and smelled achingly familiar—spicy from the masculine soap he’d used as long as she’d known him.

He let out his breath in a whoosh, and the next thing she knew, she was pinned beneath him on his bed, his lips hot on hers. Her arms enfolding him, she mindlessly caressed the cords of his strong back, welcomed the invasion of his minty tongue into her mouth. It was amazing to feel him covering her body, pushing her into the mattress as he kissed her with a passion that stirred her blood and made her ache with need.

Jim’s hands went on an expedition of their own, moving lightly over her borrowed nightshirt to rest on her stomach, then slip beneath the worn cotton to cup her naked breasts. She gasped into his mouth as he found and lightly squeezed both hard nipples at the same time.

He raised his head a fraction to look at her, to see if what he was doing was okay. Her answer was to bring her hands to his damp hair, guiding his lips back to hers. He feasted on her mouth and teased her breasts a few minutes more, before he kissed his way along her jaw, then to her sleep warmed neck.

“I love you,” he whispered there.

She closed her eyes and held him against her.  Soon, her t-shirt was gone, and his mouth replaced his hands on her breasts, while his fingers found the edge of her panties, teasing her stomach a moment before slipping inside to find her, wet and waiting for his touch. She moaned as he played her body, and she felt it in the hum of her blood, in the pounding of her pulse. She was close, so close, but she wanted to feel him inside of her when she came.

Her hands found the towel at his waist, and she tugged, hard, but it didn’t give way. He chuckled at her attempt, lifted up his hips so she could pull the terry cloth away and toss it aside. At last he was naked against her, and she could feel the hot fullness of his desire resting on her thigh.

“Now,” she whispered, “please…”

Jim sat up and, kneeling before her, divested her of her panties. She bent her knees, forming a cradle for him as he guided himself inside. All the while he watched her face, her eyes heavy lidded and passion dazed. They both moaned as he found her core, and he leaned forward to kiss her, holding his body still while she adjusted to the wonder of their joining. After a moment, his heart racing, his entire frame shaking with need, he began to move. She gasped each time he nearly pulled out then pushed home again, and her legs wrapped around him, guiding him deeper.

Pam had been close already, and it only took a few thrusts from Jim before her vision filled with white bursts of light and she cried out as he took her harder, faster. But he wasn’t through with her yet, and he reached down between their bodies to find her still throbbing bud. She bucked a bit at first, overly sensitized, but he slowed his pace, slowed his movements within her, until she felt herself climbing again. The second time she found her peak, he couldn’t hold out anymore, and as she contracted around him, he followed her over, warmth flooding his veins as he collapsed on top of her with a wrecked cry, heavy limbed and spent.

“Oh my God,” she said, her breathing approaching hyperventilation. Jim himself was speechless, breathless, caught up in a world of fulfillment and love and indescribable joy.

He had always known it would be good between them, if only because he’d wanted her so badly for so long, but this had surpassed all of his fantasies, all of those nights he’d dreamed of her like this--even, God help him, while in the arms of another woman.

“Interesting,” he said, when their bodies had cooled. She lay against his side, her fingers playing with his chest hair, one smooth thigh flung over his hairy one.

“Hm? I’d say it was a bit more than interesting, Halpert.”

He grinned and kissed the top of her head.  “No, I mean, what we just did was incredible, awe-inspiring, life-changing—”

“I get the idea,” she laughingly interrupted, though her heart thumped anew at his romantic description.

“What I meant to say was that it’s interesting that my headache is gone, that I don’t feel sick at all.  I think we’ve stumbled upon a new hangover cure.”

“Happy to help.”  She lightly kissed his flat nipple and he drew in his breath at the sensation, felt her smile against his skin. They were quiet a few moments longer, and he wondered if she’d gone back to sleep, but then he felt the vibration of her voice against his chest.

“I had some time to think this morning, while you were sleeping it off,” she began.

“Hmm?”

“About Karen.”  He tensed, but she continued, adjusting her body so she could look up into his face. “What we did was wrong—kissing while you were still technically together, but what she did to you—that was torture, that was vengeance.  We hadn’t purposefully set out to hurt her. I’d say we’re even now, and we should stop beating ourselves up about this.”

Jim sighed at the intrusion of harsh reality, but let what she’d said sink in.  “That’s true of you, Pam, but what I’ve done over the past month tipped the scales a bit more against me. I had no business being with her when I was still in love with someone else. I used her to try to forget you. That was selfish and cruel of me. Hopefully after the weekend her anger will have cooled down enough that maybe I can have a rational conversation with her, apologize better, ask her for forgiveness. I have to try, because I don’t want our new relationship to be tainted by this.  I don’t want to screw things up again because of my own stupid hang-ups.”

“You’re not going to screw this up,” she told him.  “I’m not going to let you.  We’re finally at the same place, and I don’t think I’d be able to let you go now, no matter how many other stupid pranks you play on me.”

She smiled at him, and he grudgingly smiled back. Then, he shook his head, mock pity in his eyes. “You should have known better than to mess with the master, Beesly.  Have I taught you nothing?  Like I would ever believe in a million years you would actually have a thing for Andy Bernard…amateurs.” He tsked in disapproval. But she wasn’t having it.

“Don’t give me that crap. You were fooled, at least at first. You even admitted it last night when you were drunk.  And even when you figured it out, we got to you. Mission accomplished, I’d say.”

She looked so proud of herself that he had to grin. “Okay, fair enough,” he conceded. “But let’s agree that we will never again unleash our powers on each other.”

She crawled up closer to his face so she could seal their bargain with a kiss.  “Deal,” she said.

They kissed awhile longer, and things began to heat up again, until Pam’s stomach growled in protest. She hadn’t had anything to eat but bar pretzels in about twenty-four hours. He chuckled against her lips. “Hungry?”

“Yeah. You have anything in this place to eat?”
“I think there are some eggs. Maybe some bread for toast.  How about I cook you some breakfast?”

She raised a skeptical eyebrow.  She knew he could grill and make grilled cheese sandwiches, but she’d heard the clichés about bachelor cooking.

“I can cook,” he protested.

“Okay.  Mind if I use your shower?”

“On one condition,” he said.  “If I can see you wear another one of my shirts.”

“Is that a secret fetish of yours, seeing me dress in men’s clothing?”

He grinned, but didn’t deny it. “You caught me, Beesly.”

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

She showered and put on a long-sleeved Phillies shirt and some Christmas themed sleep pants his sister had gotten him that were way too small for him, though she still had to roll up the legs. He even had a spare toothbrush from a recent dental appointment. After perfectly cooked scrambled eggs, they found themselves in bed again, where they basically stayed until Sunday morning, only venturing out to answer the door for pizza delivery, which they ate in his bed while watching old movies on TV. She lost count of how many times they made love, how many hours they slept, only to wake again, hungry for leftover pizza, or each other.

He took her Sunday to pick up her car from the parking lot of Poor Richard’s, and there they reluctantly parted. They both had laundry and grocery shopping to do for the week, but he kissed her like he was going off to war. By seven o’clock that night, he was knocking at her door, sheepishly holding up his duffle bag in one hand and Cugino’s take-out in the other. She grinned and let him inside her apartment and into her arms.

They drove in separate cars to work Monday morning, both of them dreading seeing Karen, although Jim still planned to find a way to get her alone and talk to her—really talk this time. Civilly. But her car wasn’t in the lot, and by ten, she still hadn’t shown up.

“Have you heard from Karen?” Jim quietly asked Andy in the breakroom, sitting at a neighboring table.

“No, but I’m pretty sure she’s pissed at all of us.”

“Yeah.”

Coming out of the kitchen, Pam joined the two men, a cup of tea in hand, Toby close behind. Apparently, they all had chosen to take their morning coffee breaks at the same time.

Before she could speak to Jim or Andy, Toby looked from Pam to Andy and said with a small smile: “So, how are you two love birds doing?”  He winked conspiratorially at Pam, to which Jim’s eyes widened comically.

“Oh, uh, Jim figured out the prank, Toby,” she said gently.

“Yeah,” added Jim, “the jig is up.”

“Wow. Well that was fast,” said Toby, obviously disappointed.

Jim grinned. “They should have known not to try to kid a kidder.”

“Oh.” Toby looked speculatively at Jim and Pam, who were now sitting across from each other, sipping their hot drinks. “Did the prank have anything to do with Karen putting in for a transfer?”

“What?” Jim said, eyebrows shooting up in surprise.

“She called me this morning, asked if there was any way she could get on at the Corporate office in New York. I spoke to Jan, and there’s a spot for her there in sales.”  At the trio’s shocked expression, Toby’s eyes narrowed. “Sorry if I spoke out of turn. I assumed you knew, Jim.”

“No, uh, we broke up Friday.”

“Oh.” Toby didn’t miss Pam’s dainty white pinky surreptitiously reaching out to touch Jim’s hand on the table. His face fell in disappointment as he suddenly put two and two together.  So much for his opening to ask Pam out. He’d waited too long, he thought, mentally kicking himself. The story of his life, he supposed, looking longingly at Pam’s golden curls and alabaster complexion.

“Dammit,” said Andy under his breath.

That sentiment was the general consensus of the group.

Xxxxxxxxxxxx

At lunch, Jim went to Karen’s hotel room, but found out from the front desk that she had already checked out. He called Pam to meet him in his car when he got back to the office.

“I guess that’s that,” he said with a sigh as she settled in beside him. “I tried to call her, but her phone’s no longer in service.”

“I don’t know if I could have stayed either,” Pam said.

“I left the state myself to get away from seeing you with Roy.”

Pam reached for his hand. “Give her a few weeks, then call her at Corporate. Maybe she’ll be up to hearing you then.”

Jim shook his head. “She probably just wants to be left alone. I’ll respect her wishes, for once.  Maybe someday I’ll see her at some company function, and if enough time has passed…despite what happened, Karen’s a good person. I can’t help believing that she’ll find it in her heart to forgive me someday.”

“I’m sure she will,” Pam agreed.

“I’m not gonna lie, though, I feel like I got a last-minute pardon from the governor or something.”

Pam smiled. “Karen’s trying to move on, so I guess we should try that too.”

Jim glanced quickly around the parking lot, and, seeing that they were alone, he reached over the console to kiss her. It was bittersweet, but at last they could be together, he thought, with no one around to come between them.

“I love you,” he told her. “And despite all of the pain of the last few months, just being able to kiss you has made it all worth it.”

Just for a moment, she pretended to consider that, and Jim looked at her, heart rate increasing at the thought that she might be rethinking this whole thing. Not that he would blame her, but—then it dawned.

“Not nice, Beesly. Not nice at all.”

“Too soon?” she said with a smile. “Just wanted to remind you who the real prank master is.”

“Didn’t we just promise not to—”

But when she shut his mouth with a kiss, everything—mutual pranks, Karen, Andy, their long months apart—everything faded away, because nothing in the world was more important than Pam’s soft lips on his.

 

Xxxxxxxxxxxxx

Epilogue

A year later, it was a rare thing for Karen Filippelli to think of that mess with Jim Halpert, and when she did, it was almost with gratitude, for if he hadn’t dumped her that Friday night long ago, she wouldn’t have driven to New York City to meet her friends at a hotel bar.  She wouldn’t have met Dan, who was staying at that very hotel to attend the International Dermatology Conference.  And if she hadn’t been drowning her sorrows over Jim, she wouldn’t have gone back to Dan’s room for her first ever one-night stand.

It had been foolish, dangerous even to spend the night with a stranger, but even half-wasted, Karen had known instinctively that Dan was a good man. After a surprising night of the hottest sex of her life, instead of taking the walk of shame down to hail a cab, they’d stayed up all night in his bed, talking and laughing, and eventually crying. Well, Karen had been the one to cry, spilling everything about meeting Jim in Stamford before turning her life upside down for the jerk, only to have him dump her later for an old flame.  

Karen had ended up staying the whole weekend with him, and he’d even blown off Saturday’s conference workshops to be with her. After the conference, Dan returned to his practice in Utica, and Karen started her new job at Corporate. Two weeks later, she discovered she was pregnant.

They tried the long-distance thing for a couple of months, before Karen once again found herself moving to a new city for a guy when the Utica branch manager position opened up. But this time, even if things didn’t work out with Dan, she would have a solid new job, and her baby would be close to his father.

She never once allowed herself to consider that her baby boy might be Jim’s. Even now, when she peered down at three-month old Ryder Lee in his crib, she overlooked the tiny bulbous nose, the way his brown hair tended to curl around his ears, the round hazel eyes that would sparkle when he giggled adoringly up at her. Ryder was hers and Dan’s—she had a wedding band and a birth certificate to prove it.

This was what happiness felt like, Karen thought, as Dan came up behind her to admire his son, to lovingly wrap his arms around his wife.  And happiness was the greatest revenge of all.

THE END