The first time she noticed was on a Tuesday. He was on the phone, failing miserably on his fifteenth cold call in a row. His shoulders were hunched over, defeat evident in his voice even as he started each phone call. She wanted to put her arms around him, comfort him, and tell him that this was all temporary. But she knew she couldn’t. Not here, not with everyone looking. That was something he was very clear about. Instead, she just tried to catch his eye from across the room. His eyes were closed though, and her attempt at comfort went ignored.

Her gaze began to wonder the room, first at Stanley, who was reading the newspaper, then to Ryan, who was playing Tetris online, and finally to Pam, her newest friend. Pam was sitting unnaturally in her chair. Her eyes were focused on the back of his head and filled with concern. It was then that Karen first noticed it.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

At first, Pam had been pretty cold to her, and Karen thought she was just another bitter, angry employee. After a few weeks, however, things had begun to change. Once they began tentatively talking in the break room, Karen realized that Pam wasn’t unfriendly; she was just painfully shy. It was nothing against Karen, personally—Pam hardly talked to anyone at work.

Karen had begun to feel sorry for her. She seemed to live a pretty lonely life. Sometimes, she just seemed to blend in with the background at Dunder Mifflin. Karen knew that she lived alone, and it didn’t sound like she had a boyfriend. In fact, it didn’t seem like she had many friends at all. Kelly would come over and talk to her every once in a while, but she could tell the two of them didn’t have much in common. Pam plastered on a smile and let Kelly babble on, but as soon as Kelly was gone, so was the fake smile. Creed seemed to be constantly harassing her, and she and Angela were obvious enemies. Even Jim, the friendliest guy in the office, didn’t even say two words a day to her. It was like he had a blind spot for her or something.

The more they talked, the more she saw flashes of Pam’s personality and humor emerge. Karen knew that underneath that shy and quiet exterior lay a really great person that no one in the office had bothered getting to know. Karen decided that all Pam needed in order to come out of her shell was a little encouragement.

It was just small stuff, but she could tell that it meant a lot to Pam. She had probably never had a good friend at work before. Karen asked Jim to be more friendly with Pam, but he obviously he didn’t care much about the whole situation, because he just started talking about the Eagles game they were watching. Men. They really don’t realize what a little attention from the opposite sex could do for a girl’s self esteem. She wasn’t asking Jim to flirt with Pam or anything, but a smile and some kind words from a cutie like Jim might make her feel a little more confident.

Karen would invite Pam to come eat lunch with her and Jim, and even though Pam resisted at first, Karen knew it was just because she was shy and didn’t want to interrupt. Karen wouldn’t take no for an answer, though. The first time she tried to get Pam to have some real fun at work was like pulling teeth.

“C’mon, we really need your help!”

“Um…with what?” Pam had responded half-heartedly, still hovering in the break room doorway. She probably just wanted to get back to her desk where she ate by herself every day. Karen wouldn’t let her do that anymore.

“We’re going to pull a prank on Andy, and we need a distraction.” Pulling little pranks with Jim had helped her get through some particularly rough days in Stamford. She knew Pam wasn’t the sort of girl to goof off at work, but she was sure that if Pam tried to have a little fun, she might cheer up a little.

“A prank?”

God, Pam looked a little sick at the thought. She glanced at Jim and Karen, and then just looked at her hands. She must really be a stickler for the rules. Once again, Karen was struck by Pam’s loneliness. Good thing she transferred here, or Pam would probably go unnoticed in her little corner of the office, never knowing the joy of pulling a prank on Dwight or Andy.

“Don’t worry, we’re not going to get you in trouble or anything.” Karen leaned over and put her hand on Pam’s shoulder. “We just need you to ask Andy to help you with something at your desk. I know you wouldn't be comfortable doing anything crazy--you don’t have to make up an elaborate story or anything. You can leave the real trouble-making to the experts!” She looked to Jim for support, but he seemed preoccupied with his hands, too. He must be trying to figure out how exactly they were going to get the double-sided tape on Andy’s desk without Angela noticing. God, he was cute, but he was so dense sometimes. She knew Jim and Pam weren’t friends, but didn’t he realize how lonely Pam seemed? The least he could do is be sociable. He acted like he barely knew she existed. The way he treated Pam really pissed her off sometimes. Just because someone answers your phone for you doesn’t mean they aren’t a person worth getting to know.

Pam did end up helping with the prank, and she even flashed Karen a little smile when Andy had to struggle to get his arms off of his sticky desk.

Things improved day by day at Dunder Mifflin. Karen constantly tried to include Pam in things, and the sadness that had seemed to surround Pam when Karen first moved to Scranton was gone. They even went shopping together a couple of times, and Karen got Pam to brighten up her wardrobe a bit. It was so satisfying knowing that she had helped Pam evolve from the shy, reserved person Karen first met. And in the process, had gained a real friend. Jim was great, but Karen was so happy to have a new girlfriend in a strange city. Things were going pretty well in Scranton.


xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx



Karen’s gaze switched from Pam to Jim back to Pam again. She recognized the concern on Pam’s face, knowing that it mirrored her own. But Karen had a reason to worry about Jim—she was his girlfriend. Pam was—nothing. Had Pam always looked at Jim like that? She couldn’t remember. In fact, she couldn’t remember any interaction between the two of them.

Her heart dropped as pieces of the puzzle began to fit together. Pam always seemed the most reserved whenever Jim was in the room—nervous, almost. She never looked him straight in the eye. Whenever Karen asked Pam about her love life, she brushed Karen off. And despite the fact that she and Jim barely talked, she seemed to know a lot about him. But it was that look that sealed it for Karen. There was no hiding it. Pam had a huge crush on Jim, and he had no clue.

Oh, this was bad on so many levels. Karen had wanted to tell Pam about her relationship with Jim, but Jim was insistent that no one at work could know. Now her only friend in Scranton had a crush on her boyfriend, and Karen couldn’t tell her anything. What if Pam asked Karen about Jim? What could she say? That whenever she suggested the idea of the three of them hanging out, he always shot the idea down? That he looked at her like she was crazy everytime she mentioned their friendship? Would she just tell Pam the truth--that Jim barely knew Pam was alive? No, she couldn’t do that to a friend. But she had no idea what to do.



To be continued...

“How about this one?”

Pam reached deep into the pile, and held up a fuzzy peach pillow.

“Perfect!” Exclaimed Karen, thrilled that Pam had volunteered to help her decorate her new apartment. She never would have thought of accenting her old brown couch with warm hues, but Pam seemed to have an eye for those things.

They threw the pillow on top of their crowded cart, and headed towards the checkout counter. It was a crowded Saturday, and they were soon stuck behind an unpleasant woman arguing with the cashier about her coupons. They were still waiting in line, discussing the newest People Magazine, when a young voice came over the intercom.

“Attention Target Shoppers. Today, we are having a special on . . . hemorrhoid cream . . .” Muffled giggles followed. “ . . . and . . . KY Jelly.”

More laughter was broadcast over the intercom, until it was finally interrupted by another voice. “Girls! Girls, please get off of the…” With a crackle, the announcement ended.

As Karen and Pam started to snicker, the unpleasant woman in front of them in line shot them a dirty look. Her disapproving gaze made Pam start to laugh in earnest, which set off another chain reaction. Karen’s giggles turned into a snort, and Pam went off the edge, doubled over in laughter. Their disruptive behavior must have motivated the Unpleasant Woman to move on, and they finally began loading their loot onto the conveyer belt.

“That woman looked like she was going to strangle you,” said Pam, still wiping the tears from her eyes. She unloaded an alarm clock from the cart. She suddenly looked at Karen with a serious expression on her face. “You don’t think that she had a coupon for Preparation H, do you?”

Karen paused, letting the possibility sink in for a moment. Then their eyes met, and they both burst out in laughter again.

“Can you believe those girls just jumped on the intercom? Oh my god, that was hilarious,” Karen said, handing Pam a desk lamp. “To be twelve years old again. I would be way too embarrassed to do something like that.”

Pam’s laughter died down as she struggled with a large shoetree. “Yeah. I actually . . .” Pam paused.

"What?"

“I'm just, I’m really horrible at thinking on my feet.”

“Yeah, me too. I would have no idea what to say if I got on one of those things!” Karen said, cheerfully, although she noticed that as Pam unloaded the cart, her smile seemed to deflate, and the laughter left her eyes. This happened sometimes. They would be having a good time, laughing and joking, and something would suddenly change with Pam. She would just shut down. She had no idea why, but she knew Pam well enough to know that there were a lot of subjects Pam didn’t want to address.

It had been a few weeks since Karen had come to her realization about Pam and Jim, and she still hadn’t decided how to broach the subject. It didn’t help that Pam seemed to change the subject anytime Jim came up. The middle of Target definitely wasn’t the right place to have a major talk, but it had to be soon. Karen could sense that things were getting more serious with Jim, and she knew it was just a matter of time before Pam figured things out.

But it was just a crush, right? Perhaps, if Pam found a suitable . . . distraction, she wouldn’t be as hurt once she found out. If she were over Jim, maybe she would feel less betrayed by her friend.


xxxxxxxxx


The two women surveyed Karen’s new living room, each with a glass of white wine in their hand.

“The curtains make such a difference—you are a genius. I never would have thought of layering those two colors.”

Pam gave a small shrug. “It does look pretty good! Maybe I’ve found my calling.” She gave Karen a triumphant clink on her wine glass. “Goodbye Dunder Mifflin, hello FIT.”

“Pam—that is actually a really good idea!” Karen said eagerly. “You should do it.”

Pam gave her a quizzical look, but said nothing. Instead, she downed the rest of her glass. “More?”

“More.”

Pam filled Karen’s glass with the remaining wine and promptly changed the subject. “So, what do you think of Angela’s plan to have all of the office supplies color coded so she can determine who is wasting all of the post-it notes?”

“God, she is such a tight-ass. She needs to unwind. I think she just needs to get laid.”

They both laughed at the idea of Angela ever having premarital sex, and then lapsed into an easy silence.

After a moment, Karen looked over at Pam. “You know, I think Angela has a crush on someone in the office.”

She was careful to gauge Pam’s reaction, trying to determine how far she could push the subject. Pam’s eyes widened suddenly at the idea of office gossip. She leaned excitedly towards Karen. “I think so too! I’ve been waiting for someone else to notice, but everyone is so clueless!”

“Really?” Karen was honestly surprised. “I thought it was so obvious that she has the hots for Roy.”

The mention of Roy’s name seemed to knock the wind out of Pam’s sails. “Roy?”

“Totally. Wait, who did you think she had a crush on? Andy?”

“No, no,” Pam stammered. “Um, never mind. Anyways, Roy? Really?”

Karen was dying to know whom Pam had been talking about, but she couldn’t waste this opportunity, now that they were on the subject.

“Definitely. But, you know, I don’t think he’s interested in her at all.”

Pam gave a small snort. “I’ve got it on good authority that he wouldn’t mind helping her unwind.”

“Well, I’m pretty sure he would prefer helping someone else unwind, instead.”

Pam reached towards the bottle again, refilling her glass, despite the fact that it was still half-full. “Mmnmn,” she said, not meeting Karen’s eyes.

“In fact, I think that person is in this room,” Karen said, mischievously.

“You?” Pam’s eyes told Karen that she knew exactly what Karen was talking about, but that she was not going to make it easy for her.

“C’mon! You must know he is totally into you. You should go out with him! He is completely adorable. Seriously, if dimples could kill, we’d all be dead. And he’s always hanging out by your desk and trying to impress you. And he is so attentive, and such a gentleman. I mean, he helps you with your coat and holds the door open for you when you leave for the night! You can’t say you haven’t noticed!”

Pam’s cheeks flushed, and Karen hoped she hadn’t pushed too far. It would just be so perfect if it worked out between the two of them. Roy really did seem to care for Pam. He seemed like the kind of guy that would treat her like a queen, and that was something that Pam deserved. It was the perfect plan. Karen practically held her breath, hoping for some sort of positive response from Pam.

“Karen, it is really sweet for you to try to do this for me,” Pam began, hands gripped tightly around her glass of wine. “But it just wouldn’t work for Roy and I.”

Karen’s heart dropped. “But, why?” Could it be more than a crush? Did Pam really care so much about Jim that she would give up a chance with Roy?

“Karen . . .” Pam paused, staring out the window. “There is a lot lot you don’t know about Scranton." She sighed. "And I don’t even know how to tell you half of it.”

Karen had braced herself for this. They were going to have a conversation about Jim sometime, and this was as good as any.

“Karen, I guess I should have told you this earlier, but its just such a weird topic to bring up.” Pam fiddled with her necklace nervously.

Okay, this is it, Karen told herself. Pam was going to tell her that she liked Jim, and Karen was going to have to admit that they had been going out for months.

“Roy . . . Roy and I were engaged,” Pam blurted, looking slightly guilty for keeping such a large secret.

“What?!” Karen’s mouth was hanging open. “Are you kidding me?” She gave Pam a playful punch on the arm. The news was shocking, but it was also a huge relief. She had prepared herself for the “Jim” conversation, but she wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. She was happy to put off the topic for another day.

“Tell me everything!” Karen squealed, but immediately felt a little guilty for sounding so fascinated. This wasn’t some celebrity break-up—this was a friend, and this was probably still painful. But Karen was dying for the details. She knew she had just suggested that Pam go on a date with Roy, but she couldn't really think of them as a couple.

“We were just very young when we first got together,” Pam sighed, absentmindedly opening Karen’s refrigerator and bringing out a second bottle of wine. “I think we got engaged, maybe . . . maybe out of habit? Does that make sense?”

Karen fished through her drawer and passed a corkscrew to Pam. “I know what you mean. Like you just thought it was the next thing to do?”

“Exactly. Like I somehow found myself on this path with only one end point, but I couldn't ever remember actually making the choice to get on that path.” Pam gave a relieved smile, pouring two more glasses. “You know, I thought it was what I wanted at the time, but looking back at it, I think I knew. Even when we got engaged, I knew that it was wrong.”

Karen gave her a sympathetic nod as she reached for her glass. As the bottle slowly emptied, Pam opened up about the prolonged engagement, and the fact that Pam never pushed for the date to be set, and that she now realized how that fact said a lot about how both she and Roy felt about their relationship.

The evening drew on, and the conversation turned to Pam’s new single life. She enjoyed living on her own for the first time, and she had started thinking about a career change. She was taking art classes at the University of Scranton, and she was thinking of going back to school for . . . she wasn’t quite sure. But something.

“Have you thought about dating again yet?” Karen asked. As soon as she asked the question, she regretted it, realizing that it had brought the conversation back to a sensitive area.

Perhaps it was the wine, but Karen could swear that she saw Pam blush. She brought her glass to her lips. “Um, no. I’m not sure I’m ready for that yet.” She placed the back of her hand to her cheek. “Is it warm in here?”

Karen gave a small laugh. “No, I don’t think so,” she said, picking up the empty bottles in front of Pam. “But I think you may have cleaned out my wine cellar.”

Karen gathered the empty glasses and stumbled towards the sink, inciting drunken giggles from Pam. Her laughter turned into hiccups, and she admitted that she probably shouldn't drive home. She called called a cab, and by the time the kitchen was clean, they heard an impatient honk from the street.

Pam grabbed her jacket, but struggled with it. She had her left arm in her sleeve, but couldn’t find her right sleeve. Karen found the entire situation hysterical, and her laughter was soon joined by Pam’s, which compounded her problems with her jacket. As the honking continued, Karen finally got Pam’s arm into her jacket, and zipped her up.

Pam smiled at Karen, and suddenly gave her a warm hug. “Thank you so much.”

“For helping you with your jacket? Don’t worry, I’ve been there before.”

Pam gave another soft laugh. “No, for everything. For tonight. I haven’t really talked to anyone about Roy, and I guess I really needed sort some things out. Talking with you tonight really helped. When I was with Roy, I only had a few friends, and then once Jim left, all of the sudden I didn’t have any close friends to confide in, and then I called the wedding off, and I was all alone. So thank you. Its nice to have a friend again.”

Pam gave Karen another tight hug, and stumbled out the door.

“’Bye.” Karen gave Pam a weak wave as she closed the door behind her. The wine had made her memory fuzzy, but she was sure Pam had just said something about Jim that didn’t make any sense. Why would Jim leaving have had any affect on Pam’s life? She repeated Pam’s slurred words in her mind.

Had they really been good friends? It didn’t seem possible, but the idea of Pam and Roy had seemed impossible before tonight. Maybe she had been misreading the whole situation. If Jim and Pam had been friends at one point, why had they barely said two words to each other over the past three months? She was afraid of the answer.

She knew Pam had a crush on Jim. Was it more? If they had really been friends, was it more than an infatuation? Was Pam in love with him? Pam had never told her why she and Roy had broken up. Pam was stuck in that relationship for ten years. What finally convinced her to leave Roy?

And what about Jim? Why was he so cold to an old friend? Wouldn’t he be happy to see her again when he returned to Scranton? Her stomach began to sink. Had something happened between them before he left? Was that why he left?

The questions were flooding her mind, but she realized that she had no answers. The only thing she knew was that everything she had assumed had been wrong. Her head began to throb. She blamed it on the wine, but she knew that it was more than that.