"Good to have you back," Pam called getting into her car

"Yeah," he sighed, "good to be back."

The look on her face when he'd told her about Karen was burned into his brain.  He tried his hardest to shake her as he dialed Karen's number.

"Heyloo," she answered playfully with a giggle, "Where are you?"

"Um still haven't left the parking lot," he looked down at his seatbelt to avoid Pam's eyes as her car pulled out of the lot.

‘Oh, well, I'm about to drive by.  Why don't I pick you up and we'll head to the bar now." He was silent for a moment and she added, "I mean if you're okay with being chauffeured around."

He was having a hard time focusing on anything, "yeah, I'll be right here." He said his eyes going out of focus watching Pam's red taillights.

Karen, you're going for a drink with Karen, he coaxed himself away from thoughts of her. Karen is beautiful, and she has a nice smile.  Karen makes fun of you...like Pam did. He shook his head, trying to physically eject her from his mind.  He laid it down on the steering wheel and breathed in the stuffy air.

The honk of a silver SUV rang through foggy glass and he popped his head up to see Karen smiling from the driver's seat.  He grabbed his bags and locked up the Civic.  Without knowing why he walked to the driver's side first and leaned through the window to plant a kiss on Karen's glossy lips.  "You ready to go?" he asked grinning

"Um yeah," she smiled, her stomach doing giddy back flips.

On his walk to the other side of the car Jim promised himself that next time he kissed Karen he would get butterflies.  He needed butterflies.

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He pulled the barstool out for her like any gentleman would do.  She ordered a dry martini, and he settled for whatever was on tap.  Jim had never been one fro drinking away his problems, and besides, he had so many that all the alcohol in the world would never ease his pain.

For months he had been okay.  He didn't think about her ever.  Well that wasn't true.  At night he would lay in an unfamiliar apartment in the pitch black he would let her take him over.  He forgot about how bad she had hurt him, he just imagined her face.  He would smile to himself in the dark thinking about her soft lips on his.  She had kissed him back, she called off her wedding...she loved him too. Even though it made him feel pathetic, he would talk to her.  Somewhere in his heart he thought that just maybe she could hear him.  He would fall asleep imagining her in his arms.  And in the morning she was gone, and he could function for the day.  This had become his routine and it was working just fine.  But this morning she leapt from her desk and into his arms and since then he couldn't let her go.  That's why he had to mention Karen, it killed him to push her away but he had to.  He couldn't go through the torture of seeing her smile at him that way.  He could never let her hate him, but maybe this was a small step to moving on.

He tore himself away from his thoughts and his eyes from the foam in his glass that swirled around the little beer at the bottom.  He looked next to him at Karen who had her eyebrows raised.  Shit, she had asked him something and he wasn't listening at all.  He didn't know what else to do but stare blankly.

"Are you okay Halpert?" she asked

"Uh yeah," he laughed, "just...long day"

"Yeah, I know." She looked at her glass and swirled her finger around the glass, "you want to get out of here?"

And then Jim did something bold, one final chance to heal, "you want to go back to my place?"

His breath hung in the night air as he unlocked the door to the house. She held his left hand in both of hers and followed him upstairs. The dark room met them both with dozens of boxes stacked against every wall.

"Sorry about this," he whispered

"It's ok" she said just as quiet.

With his hand on her lower back he led her further into the room so he could shut the door behind him. She shyly removed her trench coat and draped it delicately over the desk chair. He smiled at her actions, she turned toward him and giggled, "Sorry, I haven't done this in a long time"

"Me either" he lied shoving his hands in his pockets. His mind raced to all the random sluts he'd filled his bed with in feeble attempt to seal the hole in his heart she'd left.

He took the necessary step forward in order to catch her mouth with his own. She clasped her arms around his neck and met his kisses with more passionate ones. She stepped backwards out of her heels sinking a few inches lower. He grasped her small waist and moved slowly toward the bed. With an unexpected fervor she quickly changed their position and pushed him down onto the unmade bed. She stood in front of him grinning as she unbuttoned her blouse. Unlike her coat she tossed that and her skirt right onto the floor. She gently placed her hand on his chest and pushed him down. She climbed carefully onto the bed and straddled his hips. She leaned down and began loosening his tie.

Jim looked up at one of the most beautiful sights he had ever seen. Karen was there above him in the sexiest lingerie he had ever seen in person. A black and red lace demi bra graced her chest, she wore a matching thong with a garter belt and all. She would have fit perfectly in a Frederick's of Hollywood catalog, or a spread in Maxim. Any guy in the universe would have been thrilled to be in his place. He wasn't sure how he could ever work again knowing that this was hidden by her expensive suits. And although what was happening below his belt begged to differ, Jim wasn't happy.

His mind could only recall his favorite fantasy, the one that still haunted his dreams. All those nights that he couldn't sleep, when he'd let his hands wander beneath the covers. He had seen a goddess with creamy white skin. She didn't even own fancy underwear, her panties were cotton and her bra didn't match. When he had removed her simple garments she would look down and try to cover herself. Years of just being good enough had made her ashamed. He would lift her chin and see the tears forming in her eyes. He would hold her close and kiss every tear away he would whisper words of her beauty endlessly. He would lovingly kiss every inch of her delicate essence; her body would tremble under his gentle touch. When he finally took her she would whimper his name and cling to him. They would move as one, words of undying love would echo off the walls. Together that would meet sweet release. he would hold her and kiss her sweetly. They would sleep tightly in each others arms and the whole world would disappear.

In the real world Karen was hastily unbuckling his belt. He lifted his hips to allow her to remove his slacks. Her tiny hands with their perfectly manicured nails quickly freed him from the confines of his boxers, making him groan without thinking. She flipped her hair off of her face and began to explore him with her tongue.

He closed his eyes and tried to enjoy her warm mouth. No you don't deserve this he thought. He quickly reached down to grab her ribs, he pulled her up to his eye level, she squealed playfully as he rolled them over. She crashed against the pillows and he went to work on removing her impressive lingerie. He snapped the clasp on the front of her bra, releasing her gorgeous breasts. Her tan skin was glowing with a thin layer of sweat that had collected on her body. She arched her chest toward him, begging for attention.

His lips met her breasts with kisses and tiny bites in all the right places. While his mouth was busy his hands unsnapped the garter belt and yanked off the tiny strip of lace. He could feel the heat between her thighs. She wanted him badly, he couldn't take the pressure. He stopped and looked at her, her red lips were parted and she was panting. Her eyes were begging and her soft hands ran across his chest.

He couldn't do it. He couldn't stare in her bright, anxious face and go through with it. He'd have to go back, back to his place that he tried to forget. He closed his eyes and she became the one he really wanted.

He grasped her hips tightly and disappeared into his fantasy. In one swift motion he filled her and she cried out like a perfect porn star. Pam would never need to exaggerate that way. She would whine sweetly and whisper, "I love you."

All the women in the world would never erase her. She was like a deep bruise that you can't see on the surface, but the slightest tap and you're doubling over with pain. The room was swirling and he heard her voice in his ears. Guilt was tearing away at him and the sweat was beading on his naked back. Pam was lying below him, their faces centimeters apart. He was breathing her sweet breath.

"Harder Jim, harder," Karen begged ripping him from his delusion. She wasn't Pam, she would never be Pam. Anger began to build within him as he met her challenge. With every hard thrust his mind clouded. She didn't want you. You can't have her, she let you go. She kissed you back. She chose him. He treated her like garbage. He used to fuck her like this every night. She loved him. She loves you. The tight coil in his abdomen was about to snap and he saw her sweet face, she was kissing him back.

"Oh God Pam," he mumbled into her hair his body shaking all over. And as he came down from the high he prayed she hadn't heard him.

He rolled off of her with a thud. he was exhausted...physically and mentally.

"Jim, that was-"

"Yeah," he had to cut her off. He just couldn't talk anymore, he didn't want to hurt her. He knew she could feel that he was absent the whole time.

He went to sleep quickly hoping morning would come soon.

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Thursday morning Pam pulled into the office early. She was getting too antsy in her apartment; she needed to start the day. To see Jim.

She had convinced herself that she'd dreamed their conversation the night before. But it became a nightmare as she saw Jim's car sitting in the same spot from the night before. A good deal of ice and snow had collected on the hood and windshield.

Her mind quickly shot to Jim sleeping in a hotel room with Karen naked in his arms and bile rose in her throat. She quickly retired back to her car and tears flooded her eyes. She tried hard to pull herself together as she dialed the number with shaky hands.

"Thank you for calling Dunder-Mifflin Scranton" she heard her own voice say, she quickly dialed the extension to hear another voice, "You have reached Michael Scott, please leave a message"

She cleared her throat and tried to be brave, "Michael this is Pam. I won't be coming into work today." She closed the phone. She didn't feel like making up an excuse. Pam glanced in her rear-view mirror at her shimmery eye shadow she had worn just for him. She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and started the car.

She headed home wondering how she would cover her bruises tomorrow.

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