I’d planned on marrying him since I was just a kid
Though why he proposed the way he did…
There were words that I thought you were dying to say
But after that moment something faded away
She was hanging on your arm and I’m not sure the reason
But when she was gone it was like a change of season
And then when the secret was finally revealed
You told me the crush was over and my heart reeled
Why should it ache for what could never could be?
Why would it mourn for you and for we?
And still your eyes haunt me.
There were moments and secrets and silences and lies
There were glances and touches and god how time flies
You made me laugh like I never had before
You offered your friendship but I kept taking more
And then there we were in the glory of spring
On a beautiful evening you faced up to this thing
This feeling you had that I know you saw in me
But my eyes were veiled and I just couldn’t see
Couldn’t get beyond the past or the impending vow
Maybe I wanted to tell you but didn't know how
Misinterpretation was never the case
Just some hopeless attempt for me to save face
And still your eyes haunt me.
When you walked off and left me there twisting my ring
I was scared of what the future would bring
In that moment I needed to grab onto something real
Needed someone to help me figure out what to feel
But when your lips met mine I suddenly didn't care
Your arms wrapped around me and my fingers in your hair
Your eyes so full of hope even as you spoke
Knowing me so well - knowing I would choke
And still your eyes haunt me.
You let me go despite what you felt
Perhaps that was when my heart began to melt
There was no way to marry him - not after that night
And I've been wishing ever since I could make it all right
Now that you're gone I'm living on my own
Telling myself that all along I should have known
Because you told me so many times before you went away
In your eyes it was clear every single day
And still your eyes haunt me.
Story Notes:
First I got that look on Jim's face during the Booze Cruise stuck in my head (you know the look). Then this line materialized which wouldn't go away. Together they made for a poem which starts on the Booze Cruise, the first moment of true angst the show gave me, and proceeds through Casino Night, which damn near killed me.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: These characters are not mine they belong entirely to other folks.
Par5 is the author of 29 other stories.
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