The three of them looked at her from the water cooler. She had been like this for weeks – barely talking, hardly smiling, just doing what she needed to do to get by. It was only Tuesday, but she looked like she wished the world would swallow her whole.
“We’ve got to do something” Oscar said.
Ryan just shook his head. “But what?”
Toby just stared at him. Ryan’s eyes went wide. “No way, you guys…”
“Ryan, look at her” Toby said, gesturing toward the front of the office. “She’s not doing well. It’s like the life has been sucked out of this place.”
“But that doesn’t mean I should…”
“Oh yes it does. Does he even know? Have you told him?” Oscar asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
“Well, I sent him an email after she made the announcement, but I haven’t actually talked to him or anything.”
“You need to tell him.”
“Tell him what?”
Toby rolled his eyes. “That she’s like THIS.” Angela glared up at them. The three of them silently apologized and waited for her to go back to work. “Ryan, he needs to know.”
“I’ll think about it, but haven’t they both been through enough?” Ryan didn’t even give them a chance to respond before he walked back to his desk.
+++
He had never planned to get involved with any aspect of this office. He planned to do his work, get through the internship and move on, but he somehow had been sucked in. Suddenly, he found himself embroiled in all of this. When Pam had announced to the entire office on June 9th that the wedding was off and she would be returning all presents, everyone turned to look at him, like they expected him to do something. Sure, he was friends with Jim. Sure, they hung out and drank beer on the weekends. Sure, he was the only one that Jim would even respond to since having left for Stamford three weeks earlier.
Ryan shot off a quick email to Jim, letting him know what had just happened. The only response Ryan got was two days later with just two letters – O.K. He hadn’t heard from Jim since and he sure as hell wasn’t going to push it. But, Pam had sunk into herself, retreating since all this had happened. In public, they all said it was because she had called off the wedding and Roy had moved in with Darryl. They all said it was because Pam and Roy fought when they talked, that the break up was taking its toll on her, but privately, they all knew that the empty desk at the front of the office was weighing down on her more than anything else. Michael hadn’t been permitted to hire a new sales agent until the branch made more money so it just sat there, taunting her, an empty reminder of what used to be.
Ryan watched as she stared at the empty desk. He could see, from his vantage point, the tears building in her eyes. He watched as she turned toward the wall to keep the others from seeing the tears fall down her face. He watched as she punched some numbers on the phone and bolted out of her chair, walking into the bathroom. He had watched that routine for weeks now – she did it a couple of times a day. He had done his best to ignore it, to pretend that she was just upset about her wedding date having come and gone without a wedding happening, but he was smarter than that.
He looked down at his phone and then glanced up to see Oscar staring at him. Ryan rolled his eyes and picked up the receiver. He punched in the numbers and waited.
“Dunder Mifflin, this is Amanda.”
Ryan let out a loud sigh. “Jim Halpert, please.”
“Hold please.”
Ryan waited a few moments. “This is Jim Halpert.”
“Jim, its Ryan.”
“Oh, hey… what’s… how’s it going?”
“Jim, we need to talk. You got a minute?”
+++
She glanced at the clock again – 3:30. She could tell the rest of the office was getting restless, waiting for the clock to hit 5 so that they could start their weekend. To her, Friday was just another day. She didn’t look forward to the weekend like the others did, not anymore. At least a work, she could lose herself in the sheer numbness of it all. She could play solitaire for hours on end, work late with Michael and pretend that things were alright. Fridays signified two days of nothing to do but watch TV. She had started recording soap operas and movies on the TIVO, so she immersed herself in television over the weekends. It was sad, she knew, but that was alright with her – she was sad, so she figured why not embrace it.
3:45. She looked up and stared at the empty desk. She would rather have Ryan or Dwight sitting there than to have it sit empty, like a reminder or a shrine. She took a deep breath, trying to keep the tears at bay, she knew it was useless. She punched the code to transfer the calls to voice mail and pushed herself out of the chair. She walked through the door, needing some air. She heard the thunder roll outside and she turned and climbed the ladder to the roof.
+++
She loved the summer rain and the weatherman had been calling for rain all weekend. She remembered thinking that the rain was fine by her. It would make her feel better about spending all weekend in her pajamas.
She climbed up on the roof just as the rain started. She loved standing in the rain. As a kid, it was because she could splash around, getting everyone around her wet. Now, she wanted to be here because it was easier to mask tears in the rain. She stared out at the sky, watching the storm clouds pass overhead. She let the tears fall freely. She did her best to pretend that she was sad because Roy was gone and she was alone. That was half right. She was sad because she was alone, but Roy wasn’t the cause of that. It had been relatively easy to let him go. He hadn’t put up much of a fight, saying that he wasn’t ready to be married either and agreeing with everything she said. Darryl had helped him pack his stuff and he just dropped his key on the table when he left, not even saying good bye to her. ‘Fitting’ she had thought to herself, not a word from him as ten years of their lives had just been reduced to a waste.
No, she was sad because of the hole that had been left behind when he bolted. He hadn’t come back after Casino Night. She had run from him after the kiss, needing some space. She spent an hour on the roof, thinking. The conclusion had been in front of her the whole time, but she had refused to see it till now. They needed to talk. She walked back into the office only to find that his desk had been cleared and an envelope taped to Michael’s door, his handwriting scrawled across the front. She ripped it open and the breath was knocked out of her as she read words like ‘immediate transfer’, ‘Stamford’, ‘promotion’, and ‘no notice necessary’. She choked back a sob as she ran her fingers over Jan’s signature and then his. The ink smudged and she knew that it had just been signed. It was like he had been waiting for a reason and now that he had one, he was gone. She thought her heart couldn’t hurt worse than it did right now.
She lifted her face to the sky and closed her eyes, letting the rain beat down on her face, washing the tears away. She didn’t want to see anything right now; she wanted to block it all out, to make the hurt and the pain go away. She cried and cried, eyes locked shut, refusing to look at the world around her, not seeing the red Carolla pulling into the parking lot.
+++
Ryan pushed himself off the wall as the elevators dinged. He stepped out of the elevator and didn’t say a word. Ryan handed him an umbrella and pointed to the open hatch that led to the roof. He climbed the ladder and took a deep breath as he took her in for the first time in weeks.
She couldn’t control it anymore. She dropped her head and sobbed loudly, thankful for the constant thunder. She didn’t want anyone to rescue her from this. This is what she deserved, she knew that. She covered her face with her hands, wanting the pain to stop. It took her a moment to realize that she was no longer being pelted by the raindrops. She rolled her eyes up and noticed the large black umbrella over her head.
“Didn’t your mother ever tell you that you can catch your death standing out in the rain?” His voice… she knew that she was hallucinating. There was no way that he was here, saving her from herself. She turned slowly and saw him for the first time in weeks. She closed and opened her eyes slowly. She hadn’t been sleeping very well, so she could very well be imagining this.
“Jim?” She barely choked that out as he reached up his hand and pulled the matted hair off of her face. His touch made him real and she started to cry again. He wrapped one arm around her and pulled her flush to his body. She buried her face in his chest, crying with everything she had. He tightened his grip on her and she wrapped her arms around his waist. She sunk into him, relishing in this. She had just a snippet of this feeling on Casino Night, but now… now she could lose herself in this feeling. As the thunder rolled over head, it shook her out of her reverie. ‘I don’t deserve to feel this way’ she thought to herself.
She pulled back and looked up at him. “What are you doing here?”
“Why didn’t you call me?” he shot back at her.
“Tell… tell you what?”
“That you didn’t get married, that you were so down, so sad. I would have…”
“I don’t deserve you to do anything for me. I did this to myself and I have to live with it.”
“No you don’t, Pam. I would have come; I would have been here in a second if…”
“Why?”
“Because… because it’s what a man head over heels in love does.”
She laughed. “You hate me.”
“I could never hate you Pam, never.”
She just laughed. “Please don’t try to make me feel better. I’ve embraced the misery, its fine. Really.”
Jim dropped the umbrella, grabbing her face in his hands, forcing her to look at him. Neither one of them noticed the rain nor how a once dry Jim was instantly soaked.
“Pam, stop it. This isn’t you. You aren’t maudlin, sad, depressing to be around. I hate that you’ve gotten to this point. I hate that you feel like you’ve been alone, that you… you couldn’t call me, talk to me, ask me to…”
She took a step forward. “To what? What do you want to do for me, Jim?”
“I want to make sure you’re happy, safe, secure. I want to make sure that the Pam I fell in love with is always here.”
She shook her head in his hands. “I don’t know, Jim. She may be gone.”
His eyes darted between her lips and her eyes a couple of times. “Let’s just see about that.” He pulled her to him, crushing his lips to hers.
She would never forget that moment for the rest of her life, kissing Jim in the rain. She didn’t even feel the rain anymore. All she could feel were his lips, his hands on her face. She gave herself over to the kiss. She felt him start to pull back, but she wasn’t ready for this moment to end. She threw her arms around his neck, dragging him back to her. He moaned as she ran her tongue over his bottom lip and tilted her head to the side, deepening the kiss.
For the first time in weeks, she felt alive. She was in the moment, not rehashing all the times that should have been, that could have been. Jim was here for her now, just as he had always been. When the overwhelming need for oxygen overpowered them, they broke apart.
“We’re soaked” he whispered to her.
She just nodded and smiled. “There it is” he said to her.
“What?”
“Your smile. Apparently it has been missing and there’s a large reward for it.” She laughed.
“Can we get out of here?” she asked, kissing him lightly on the cheek.
“Absolutely” he said, grabbing the umbrella off the ground and pulling her toward entrance back into the building.
The End/TBC… what do you think?
Author's Chapter Notes:
Wanna know what happens when you are in a funk and listening to the Fray's "How to Save a Life"? Well, for me at least, it's this!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
agd300 is the author of 15 other stories.
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