“What the hell Jim? Do you think I thought he would hurt you? I wanted to be honest with him!” Pam felt her blood pressure rising she paced back and forth on the cold linoleum floor. The silence was unbearable. She tried to keep her expression irritated while just behind her pale eyelids tears were gathering, with no place to go.
Seconds later, Jim’s strong voice found the courage to fill the silence.
“Pam! Would any of this have even happened if you weren’t with that jerk? What were you doing Pam? Were you trying to get back at me? By getting with him?!?”
“Oh of course I had to have been trying to make you jealous. This had nothing to do with him…I mean you!”
She knew that she wasn’t good at fighting. She wanted to die of embarrassment, but kept her irritated mask plastered to her face.
“I was in a real relationship! And it’s gone just because of a girl who never even bothered to glance at me before heading out the door with her fiancé! Do you know how much I hurt Pam? Do you?”
“Yes.” That was all she could stutter before slipping out the cold swinging door into the hallway. As soon as she heard the door click shut she pushed her back up against the wall and sunk into the ground, bursting into tears. She pulled at her sweater and buried her head in the itchy material letting all of her tears fall. What had she done to him? Why didn’t he love her still? How had she missed it? What had she done?
She was prepared to curl into her shell and stay there forever, but soon she heard the soft padding of some shoes getting closer. With all her strength the pulled her head up to see a woman in blue scrubs standing in front of her.
“Is everything alright Miss?”
She jumped up, not bothering to wipe away a streak of mascara on her cheek.
“Yes, I’m fine.” She managed, and stumbled off towards the waiting room that was a horrible shade of toothpaste green.
**********
An hour and one cafeteria jell-o later, she was ready to go back in. She almost didn’t want to see his soft face like that, with stitches and bruises and bandages. The tear in his shoulder where Roy’s box cutter had been was a terrible shade of blue and was sewn up with 23 black stitches. One of his ribs was broken, and the back of his head had a large bandage from when Roy had thrown him into the wall, his fist digging into his neck. The office had tried to help him. Ryan, Toby, Kevin, Michael, and even Dwight had helped pull Roy off of Jim. And now Roy was gone. But the feeling of helplessness, watching him be battered as she stood, frozen, watching his hands stay open the whole time except for once when Roy had turned towards her, haunted her.
She almost wanted to go back to the frazzled office, where Michael was probably still sitting, complaining about his foot that he had tripped over running to get Roy off Jim. But she had to stay. She had to stay because Karen had said goodbye as soon as Jim was loaded into the ambulance. She had to stay because it was Jim.
She pushed the door open just a crack as silently as she could and peered inside. Jim’s face was blank as he stared out the window. A single tear rolled down his cheek and he quickly wiped it away, closing his eyes.
She couldn’t do it. Not now. It was too much.
She quietly closed the door and tiptoed away.
**********
After eating a tub of Cherry Garcia ice cream she climbed into her plaid fleece pajamas and rolled onto her bed. She didn’t bother showering, she didn’t deserve it. She was so in love with him. But there was a space between them. Before it had been so simple, he had loved her, she had loved him, no boundaries. They were friends; he was there, whenever she needed him. But now the ache inside of her was different. She needed him.
Flipping off the light, she closed her eyes, but the images of him were vivid. His smile, his eyes. She blindly reached over to turn on the lamp on the bedside table. And as she sat there in her room, she felt so alone. She knew what she needed to do.
Bolting out of bed, she stubbed her toe on the side of her table before hopping across to her closet. Fumbling through Keds and pumps, she finally found a ratty pair of flip flops. As she ran towards her front door she pulled her hair into a messy ponytail and scooped up her car keys. She rushed out the door and pulled open the door of her tiny blue car.
**********
When she arrived at the hospital, all but a few dim lights were off. She checked her watch; it was two o’clock in the morning! But she pulled open the door, full of a new confidence. She was about to take a long stride towards his room when out of nowhere a voice blurted out “Visiting hours are closed.”
She stopped dead in her tracks and turned around to face a short woman in pink scrubs with frizzy grey-brown hair. She was frowning at her.
“Name.”
“What?” Pam questioned, dazed and caught off guard.
“Only family is allowed past eight o’clock.” She muttered.
“Um…Mrs. Halpert.” She blurted out.
“Room 12.” The lady sighed as she returned to her papers.
Pam sprinted down the hallway, without even worrying that she looked like a complete idiot. When she pulled open his door, all the lights were off, and his eyes were shut. But she could hear him stirring, restlessly.
She crept slowly towards his bed, climbing up onto the rough hospital sheets. Curling herself around him, she felt his breath catch, but then relax. She reached over towards his face, and let her cold hand slide slowly across his cheek, and then down his neck. He shifted over, only flinching once, until he was facing her. And then finally their lips found each other.
**********
The next morning, they were awoken with start as the iridescent lights flickered on.
“Ma’am. Please get off there.”
They turned to face a nurse with a tight frown staring at them quizzically.
“Sorry” Pam muttered. She reluctantly slid off the bed, suppressing a laugh.
Jim shrugged at her. “Yeah, God Beesly!”
The both locked eyes and burst into childish laughter.
The nurse exasperatedly sighed and pulled the door shut behind her.
