She knew exactly what was coming. She'd seen that look in his eyes before, but now it was so much more intense. And after what he had just told her she knew he wouldn't hold back this time.

She should stop it, stop him, keep this moment from happening. He came toward her slowly, but purposefully. She really should stop him. Was there time? How would she even do that? She wasn't even sure if she wanted him to stop.

"Listen, Jim."

Too late. He was kissing her.

With his cheeks this close she imagined she could feel exactly where he'd brushed away his tears. She wondered if he could tell where hers had been. Why couldn't this be right?

And then his lips moved again and for one tiny moment it was. Suddenly she knew that this was exactly what she was supposed to be doing right now. And because of that it was right. More right than anything she'd ever done before. But also more terrifying. 

Just as quickly his lips were gone, taking her clarity with them.

"You have no idea, how long I have wanted to do that." Right. Jim. Jim who was in love with her. Her best friend. Not her fiancee. This couldn't be right. Not yet. She had to make it stop.

"Me too." What? That wasn't making it stop. What was she doing? This wasn't like her. She was terrified of herself right now, of what she might end up doing. Did she really want this? Now? She had to do something.

"I think we're just drunk." Please let that work. I can't do this right now. I just need a little time to think. I think I might love you too.

"No, I'm not drunk. Are you drunk?" Apparently not drunk enough. And why did he have to look so concerned? This wasn't fair. This moment, to him, was perfect. It was exactly the moment he'd dreamed about. But it couldn't be perfect to her. Not yet. She wasn't allowed to have perfect yet. To her this moment was impossible, and yet, here she was. Stop Pam. Stop being happy this isn't right. You have to stop.

"No." Stop smiling Pam. He leaned toward her again.

"Jim." There. She'd done it. She'd said his name, forcing herself to remember exactly who he was and what she was doing.

"Are you really gonna marry him?" Yes. Roy. She was marrying Roy. That was how it had always been. That was still how it was going to be. Right?

She nodded to him, but also to herself. It was all planned. There was nothing she could do about it now. And she loved Roy. Didn't she? She had to love him because she was marrying him. You don't marry someone you don't love and you don't love someone when you're marrying someone else.

"Okay." And just like that he was gone. Wait. Stop. Jim. Stay. Help me figure this out. I need you now. All the things she could have said. But not one came out of her mouth. He had kissed her. And then he'd left. Their first real kiss and their last.