Pam walked along the lake's bank, letting the cool water take the sting out of the pads of her feet and toes. Thankfully the stones along the bottom were rounded and flat, and it almost felt like she was getting a foot massage or some reflexology done as she slowly put distance between herself and her co-workers. She knew she was slowly coming down off her confidence high, and it felt safer to be somewhere dark and alone to deal with the realization of what she had just done. She didn't regret it - she would never regret it - but she also knew she'd be a fool to think there would be no ramifications to be had from her honesty bender.
She wandered far enough along the bank that she could barely see the light of their fire, and could no longer hear any of their distinctive voices. At most she heard the sounds of crickets and mosquitoes and maybe frogs. She found a large rock impeding her progress along the shore, so she decided to just stop there and sit. Sit and think.As least she hadn't been drunk. She was proud she hadn't needed to get drunk to do that. She didn't want anyone to take away or belittle her moment by saying she didn't know what she was talking about, or that she didn't mean what she had said. Because she meant it. Every single word. And even if it hadn't been something she'd planned on doing, she wasn't sorry she took the leap. She was tired of being ignored, of being considered somewhat less than valuable. And not that she wanted it, but as she watched her fellow officemates competing in those ridiculous games, she knew she was equal to any of them. Equal to all of them. And from this moment on she was going to act like it.
Except her feet really did still hurt, despite the cool water. And it was taking everything she had not to cry now that the words and feelings she'd kept hidden inside for so long were out in the open air. She knew she had done the right thing, had said the things she should have said long ago, but it didn't mean it still didn't bother her. It still broke her heart that she was at a point in her life where those words had needed to be said. She had run on impulse and unbelievably high self-confidence, sure that this was the only way she'd ever get Jim to listen to her, really listen to her - by spilling everything out in front of everyone they knew. She could already imagine the comments she'd be facing come Monday. And the wordless looks from the one person who still meant the most. She just hoped that finally she'd reached him. Really, really reached the Jim she'd missed for so long.
In the safety and comfort of the darkness, she let herself cry. There was no where to go but up from now on, no matter what happened. She could even stop blaming herself if nothing changed between them. And maybe someday, with or without him, all the hurting would stop as well.
