"It's amazing. Just when you think you've heard him say the most outrageous thing ever he comes up with something new. Although, I'm kind of disappointed I won't get a chance to be the secret Assistant to the Regional Manager...the possibilities there are endless..." (Talking about Dwight again? Honestly?)

(God I've missed talking to her like this. Wait, shouldn't we be at her place by now? Shit, did I miss the turn?) "So is the turn coming up?"

(Damnit. He noticed.) "Only just about a mile back."

(Smooth, Jim. Very smooth) "Thanks Beesly. You might have mentioned something. Were you going to let me drive to Pittsburgh?"

(Pittsburgh. That's the perfect plan. Keep driving, Don't stop. Take me to Pittsburgh...) "Well, you've lived in Scranton how long? I just sort of figured you knew your way around."

(Same old Pam) I guess I wasn't focused on where I was going. (I was focused on your hair. And your knee. And your voice. And the way you looked at me a few minutes ago)

(If we drove to Pittsburgh that would mean I wouldn't have to get out of this car for...like four more hours. Four more hours of listening to his voice and...watching him while he drives. His hands...and how did I not know he sings along to the radio? I love that...) "And I guess I'm in no great rush to be home."

(That's a good sign I guess. Wow, look at her. Okay, U-turn, try to pay attention to the road, idiot. It would be just like you to drive into a mailbox. What should I say? Should I be serious or should we keep it light? Wait-I got it.) "Funny, I was just thinking how glad I was to be home."

(OK. Pam. Take a deep breath. Stop and think before you say anything stupid. Don't ruin it. Don't sound too desperate...) "Well, you've been gone a while."

(Yeah. Where have I been? God, I can hear sadness in her voice. This whole stupid act I've been pulling hurt so many people. Damnit. Got to make it up to her). ... "I know. I'm sorry."

"That's me. Up there on the right." (One more minute and we'll get out of the car. He's going to walk me to the door. And then what the hell should I do? Ask him to come inside? For...coffee? Isn't that what they always do in movies? Ask the guy in for coffee? Do I even have coffee? OK. So not the point, Pam. The point is not the coffee -it's getting him into your apartment. God, how can you be so bad at this?)

(Moment of truth coming up. Gonna kiss her soon. Wait, I need to say something. C'mon Jim, something). "Nice building." (Clever, Jim, clever.)

"Yeah. It's...really...nice. When I was looking for a new place I wanted someplace..." (Oh my God. I can't even form a coherent sentence. I feel like my lips aren't working. Great, that could be a problem soon...)

(Gonna try to kiss her soon. Need to say something. Keep it simple or you'll say something dumb for sure) "Nice?"

(He's smiling. Smiling is good. And God...that mouth. He's got really great...teeth. He's probably just smiling because I'm a babbling idiot.) "Yes. Nice."

(Wow, look at her. Okay, I'm just standing here grinning like an idiot. Say something)."So. This...is your door."

"Yeah." (OK if he keeps looking at me like that I'm not going to be able to stand up. I should take a step back - and just...lean up against the door. OK. Better...)

God, I can't believe I hurt her. I just want to take her in my arms...it feels so good to hold her close...I just want to protect her from everything and never let her hurt again. Wait, am I squeezing too tight? Don't crush her you idiot. Don't want to let go. It's okay, Pam, it's all okay.

This is so much better. Mmmm. This feels good. Do you understand now, Jim? This is all I wanted when you came back. Just...this. OK. If I'm being honest, maybe a little more than this but...God. I don't ever want to know what that feels like again. Do you hear me?

Tighter Jim. Please. Don't let go.

She's smiling. God I love seeing her smile. She's okay with me kissing her, I'm pretty sure. Here it goes...

I think I'm having a heart attack. Seriously. It can't be normal for my heart to pound like this. I bet he can hear it it's so loud. And wouldn't that just be perfect? Jim kisses me and I die of cardiac arrest. He'll have to call 911. The EMTs will come. They'll ask him what happened and he'll have to tell them...oh...God...this is it...

God I'm kissing Pam!

W-w-wow.

Her tongue is soft. And small. And all over the place! She's into it!

Oh. I. umm...

I'm kissing Pam! This is Pam I'm kissing!

That's...really...

I want to put my hands all over her. Would she mind? No, I don't think so. God, she feels good.

Whoa. Hmmm...that's...nice...

Should I break the kiss? Don't want to yet.

Oooo. Hold on...ohhhkay...

Holy shit I'm kissing Pam!

Alright...umm...

Okay, should I stop? She probably doesn't want to make out at her door all night

WOW.

I'm gonna stop...gonna stop...wow I love how her tongue feels. C'mon Jim, get hold of yourself, don't make her be the one to break it. Okay, pull back gently...)

W-w-wait. Why did he stop? He can't...just...kiss him again, Pam. Although...maybe he stopped because he hated it. I should not have ordered that pasta. There was all that garlic...it was probably a bad idea. I thought the gum would be enough to...Is that what he's thinking? Because he's just staring at me now. What am I supposed to do? Should I ask about coffee? Or a beer maybe? No he's driving. Stick with coffee that's safer. Unless - maybe - what if he doesn't go home?

OH MY GOD. What if he doesn't go home?

"C-c-coffee?" (Who is that talking? It sounds nothing like me.)

(Is she inviting me in? I think she is. in. Wow, I would really like to but look at her though...she looks scared. Overwhelmed. Need to buy some time to think. "What?"

(Take a deep breath. Try again.) "D-do you want some coffee?"

(She just seems so unsure. Think Jim...I'll put the ball back in her court). "Do you want coffee?"

"I don't...I-I...asked you first." (Are you five, Pam? "I asked you first?" Who says that?)

(Don't kid yourself Jim, she's really not ready. Gotta do the right thing.) "No. I don't think I want coffee." (God, I want her. I can't believe I just said that. There will be next time.)

So this is it. It's over. I should have known it was too good to last. He's going home. And it's official. I should never ask him about coffee - like - ever. He obviously has absolutely no interest in drinking coffee with me. How many hints do I need before I get that?

Forget the heart attack - I'm pretty sure I'm going to pass out. I can't feel my legs, am I actually still standing? Hold on...maybe if I just...closer...move closer

(At least I can kiss her some more)

"OK. I just...mmmmph..."

(I'm kissing Pam! Again!)

...

(Meet her rhythm...wow I love her tongue, and it's all just so soft. Soft.)

Just...ohhh...YES.

(I'm kissing Pam again!)

Guh...that's...I mean...seriously...

(OK, time to quit while you're ahead.  Pull back gently...)   "It's getting late. So...I'm gonna go.  Good night, Pam.  I‘ll see you tomorrow"

(W-w-what?  You're...where?   Oh.  Umm...Okay...)  "G-good night, Jim."   


xoxoxo

My God, that was something. I can still taste her. Wow.

He's only been gone for like two minutes and I already miss him. How is that even possible?

The whole night ended so soon. I didn't have any time to think. I can't even remember what we talked about.

All I know is that it seems like - finally - he's really back.

Man, this is weird. This morning seems like a month ago.

You know what? I should sit down. I should sit and just...breathe. Concentrate on breathing, because this has all a little bit too much for one day.

Jim. I just went out...with Jim.

And it was by far the best date of my life. Not that it's that much of a contest but still...I don't think there's anything that could top this....

She is...wow, I could have been with her tonight...if I had said I wanted coffee...should I have?...I could have been with her right now. Was I just stupid?

No. Okay. It's okay. I did the right thing. Would have been too much. She looked too unsure.

Not even sure I would have been able to give my best effort. Next time, though.

When should next time be? Tomorrow? Would that be too much?

Will we go out tomorrow? I think that makes sense.. That's what people do right? Go out on Friday nights? What if - what if I asked him to come over here instead? We could maybe order in. Watch a movie. And then...well. We'll see what happens

Would it be too soon? I don't think so. It's not like I don't know him...I just don't want him to think that I'm...

That I'm what...? Slutty? How is that even possible, Pam!? You've only been with one person. Don't be ridiculous.

I could tell he didn't want to leave tonight. I really thought he might ask if he could stay. Maybe tomorrow. No need to get all stressed about it now. We'll see what happens tomorrow.

I need a left here...don't want to miss a turn again. Man, I can't believe I did that. What a dork she must have thought I was.

How did he remember I liked daisies? Really - it's like he keeps a file filled with things I mentioned once. I should put them in the bedroom, So I can see them in the morning and I'll know tonight wasn't just some kind of dream.

Whoops. Whew. Careful Pam. That was close, almost dropped them. God, will my hands will ever stop shaking?

I almost hope they don't. I don't ever want to forget what this feels like.

God, what is it going to be like at work? Are we going to be tell everyone? How am I going to pretend? That's going to be weird.

Who cares.

This is really happening.

Ugh. This bathrobe. God. I can't believe I let her intimidate me so much. What was I thinking? I should go shopping at lunch tomorrow.

Oh my God. Can you even believe it? This morning I was trying to convince myself being without him was fine and now I'm thinking about what to wear when he...when we...

Wow.

Ouch! OK, seriously. You're going to break your neck if you don't start watching where you're going.

How did I ever think that I could be without her? Me. In New York? With Karen? God, how...it's okay. Somehow I wasn't too late.

I spent all day thinking I could be fine without him. I actually believed it. But I'm not. I know now I'm not. I don't ever want to be without him again.

Karen...wow. I really...no excuse for that. I don't...how is it that I do the best I can and still end up acting like that?

Am I an asshole? No, I'm not an asshole. Wait, assholes probably don't realize they're assholes. Maybe I've always been one and just never known it.

Hmm, I bet Karen thinks I'm an asshole.

I don't care that much. She can think what she wants.

How many second chances do you get? You know, I don't think you can count on more than one. I'm not going to let that happen again. I need to make sure he knows that it won't.

Pam.

This is really happening.

Maybe this is my reward for all the hurting last year. Just one year ago...God.

Jim.

Does he understand now?

I don't think he gets it quite yet. I didn't want to choose Roy.

I thought I had to be without her. Forever.

This is really happening.

I didn't want him to leave, but I can't blame him for it either. He needs to understand that, but maybe none of that matters anymore. I'm just so glad he back.

How has she changed so much? It's hard to believe she was ever with Roy. Or that she went back to him!

Still don't understand that. Should I have pressed her on that when we talked about it?

It doesn't matter that much.  

When did it happen?  When was it that I started to picture myself with him instead of Roy? I can't think of the exact moment but it t happened when I least expected it. I know that.

How did I ever let him go? What was I thinking?. He's just...he's everything.

Pretty soon I might be with her every day.

Wow, this is it. This could be...We could buy a house and have kids together, all that stuff.

Could I be that guy? The dad and husband guy?

Yeah. I could. I could with her. I'm pretty sure.

This is really happening.

I can still feel his hands running along my back, holding me so close, like he was afraid I'd disappear. It's going to take a long time before he believes that I'm not going anywhere. How can I convince him that I won't? I need to figure that out...

He smells so good. How did I not notice that before? Probably because it's been like a year since you've gotten that close. OK. Pam. Put the sweater away. If anyone came in here now and saw you standing here like this, sniffing your sweater, they'd think you were a crazy person.

I can still feel his fingers in my hair, brushing against my neck. And the way that he kissed me...so different than last time. So slow and...God. He's really good at it. Not that I have a lot to compare to but...wow.

If I close my eyes I can almost hear him whispering my name. He says it like I've done something amazing by just standing there.

What if I fuck this up?

What if I'm just not able to do this?

What if I hurt her again?

I'd never be able to stand myself if she hurts because of me again.

I should call my mom. I haven't even told her...she doesn't even know we went out tonight. I can't believe it but she was right. She was right last year too but I just couldn't move. I was too scared. And that seems so silly right now. How could I be scared of Jim?

I'm so right happy now. I'm just really, really happy.

Wait...where am I? I missed the turn, didn't I? Yep. Christ, I did it again. Can you get yourself home, Jim? What the hell is wrong with you? The look on her face when I showed up with the flowers. She was happy.

Dinner was good. We talked like old times. Didn't realize how much I missed that.

We kissed. That was...

I can still taste her....And how into it she was, and the way her tongue felt...oh man. That was the best. I can't wait to do more of that. And even more...I wonder if...no, better get home before I start thinking about that.

Look at me. My cheeks are still so pink. What was that Grandma Beesly used to talk about? Something like getting "good and kissed"? Well. You can absolutely say I've been good and kissed.

Focus Pam. Bedrooms the second door to the right. Wow. I can barely see straight. Still so dizzy. It's like everything's turned upside down. Could he tell how nervous I was? Probably from how my fingers trembled when I went to get my keys. He laughed when I dropped them. I love his laugh...

Could he tell that he's only the second guy I've ever kissed? Can you tell things like that?

I can't stop smiling...and I'm sure I'm never going to get any sleep tonight. Not when all I can think of is the next time...

Oh my God. There's going to be a next time.

He's back. He's really back

I'm in love with her

Still.

Does she know that? I didn't tell her tonight.

Just...what if she didn't say it back? It would have been awkward, and things were going well...

Does she love me?

It feels like she does.

Next time I'll tell her. She deserves to know.

With everything that happened, I thought maybe he was over me completely. I was starting to believe it.

Does he know what I was really trying to say on the beach? Does he understand what I meant? Does he know how much I love him?

I'll have to make sure he knows. I'll have to tell him, and make sure he believes me. I don't want him to think it's just him.

This is really happening.

I think we can make it. Why not? Other people make it. Other people are happy. Why not us?

Maybe we've already gotten all the hard stuff out of the way. Maybe from now on it will be easy.

Maybe it will be like I always hoped.

There's a parking space. Made it home in one piece.

I made it home.

He's probably home now. Maybe I should call and make sure. Is that being too clingy? Too needy? You know what? Too bad. I'm still going to call. And mostly...I'm going to call just because now I CAN.

(Who's calling? Oh that's her. Hope everything is okay.) "Hey"

(Don't make a big deal. It's just Jim you're talking to.) "Hi. I just wanted to make sure you're not halfway to Pittsburgh."

(God I love her voice.  Don‘t say anything dumb) " No.  It was a struggle, I did miss another turn...but I made it home safely."

(Home. I love the way that sounds.. I can't believe it. He's really back.) " I'm glad."