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How Jim’s Poker Party Got out of Hand: Katy

Jim collected the empty beer bottles and Kelly’s empty cup (ringed at the bottom with the remnants of a pink drink) and put them in the kitchen sink. He found Katy’s phone number scrawled on the phone list on the fridge. Of all the phone numbers floating around in his head, he had never managed to memorize hers. He dialed, hoping Katy would answer instead of her roommate.

“Hello?” Not the roommate. Excellent.

“Hey. It’s Jim. Jim Halpert.” There was a pause.

“Yeah, um…I haven’t heard from you for a while.” She sounded surprised, and only slightly hostile.

“Yeah, um…”

“I think since the night you dumped me. In the middle of Lake Wallenpaupack, right?” And there was the expected hostility.

“Yeah, um, maybe not my finest hour.” He paced the kitchen, wondering if calling Katy again was the worst idea he’d ever had.

“Oh. Were you having…second thoughts?” Whoops. Now she sounded hopeful. Jim really didn’t want her to think this was about getting back together.

“No. I mean, I guess I was kind of…abrupt or something.” He leaned back against the kitchen counter.

“So, you don’t regret dumping me, just the way you did it?”

Jim grimaced. “I guess.” He was really hoping she wouldn’t take it that way. Not that there was any other way to take it.

“Well, aren’t you just a sweetheart, and on Valentine’s Day, too?”

“Katy, c’mon.”

“You come on. Why are you calling me, anyway?”

Jim flinched at her tone. “I don’t know, it’s just…it’s Valentine’s Day. And I had some friends over for a poker game since we’re all dateless losers.”

Katy laughed, “You got that right. Go on.”

“I just…well, Kelly from work came and brought Ryan.”

“Ryan? The one who started the fire?”

“Yeah, they kinda hooked up last night, I guess.”

“Go, Kelly! She and Ryan would be so cute together.”

“Yeah, um…maybe. Anyway, they’re currently occupying my room being all…Valentine-ey or whatever, and I just…thought about calling you.”

“So basically…this is a booty call?” Katy scoffed.

“No!”

“Jim, c’mon.”

“Maybe. I mean, you know, I guess that’s up to you, isn’t it? If it’s…that kind of call or you just…telling me what a jerk I am.” Jim pushed off from the counter, and started rinsing out the empty beer bottles.

“You are a jerk.”

“Yeah, okay.” Now he knew. Don’t make a Valentine’s Day booty call to a woman you dumped. Live and learn.

There was an uncomfortable pause, until Katy said “Do you know how I spent my Valentine’s Day?”

“How?”

“I got together with some of my single friends, and we all talked about how much guys suck.”

“Nice. Was your roommate who hates me there? And was I specifically mentioned?”

“Yes, she was, and yes, you were!” Katy laughed at Jim’s obvious discomfort.

“I guess I deserve that.”

“Yeah. But when I got home…”

“Yeah?”

“I started thinking about how you suck.”

“Okay, I don’t really need a detailed explanation, you know, I can just sink back into the primordial ooze with the rest of the slimeballs.”

Katy laughed, “No, I meant how you suck. Like…how, and where, and how well.” Her voice was suddenly teasing and playful.

Jim was shocked at the change in Katy’s mood. He started to think this just might work. “Oh! So, I suck…particularly well?”

“Very well. I mean, for a slimeball jerk.”

“So, that’s like my super-power.” Jim left the rest of the dishes for later, and leaned his elbows on the kitchen counter.

“Jim, promise me you’ll only use your powers for good.”

“You know, with great power comes great responsibility.” Jim wondered if quoting from Spiderman ever paid off for a guy or if it just sent him skyrocketing up the nerd chart.

Katy laughed and then fell silent for a moment. “Um…Would you maybe like to come over and show me your powers?”

“Would I ever.” Apparently, with Katy, quoting from Spiderman did pay off.

“Ground rules,” Katy said firmly.

“Okay, you’re the boss.”

“Yeah, that’s the first rule.”

Jim laughed. “Gotcha. Actually, I’m a little excited at the prospect of Boss Katy. Nothing too crazy, though, Katy, I’m a simple guy.”

“You are a jerk.”

“Noted.”

“So…second rule, I get to come twice before you can even come once.”

Jim burst out laughing, “Wow! Katy, with you, that’ll take, what, like two minutes? Remember the time I was across the room?”

“Jim, you are such a jerk! I never came when you were across the room; there was definite physical contact every time!”

“I don’t know…that’s not how I remember it. Actually, I’m kind of insulted that you’re not giving me more of a challenge,” Jim teased. “I mean, just twice for you, and then it’s my turn?”

“Well, I don’t want to make it too difficult for you. I mean, fresh out of the ooze and all. So, the second rule stands as is. Third rule, you have to stay the night.”

“Okay, will do.” Jim dug around in the basket of clean laundry stashed in the hall closet. He threw a change of clothes in a gym bag and went to the kitchen to leave a note for Kelly and Ryan. (Help yourselves to food. See you at work. – Jim)

“And in the morning, you make me breakfast.”

“Scrambled eggs with cheese?” Jim reached the bathroom, which he realized was going to need a thorough cleaning tomorrow. No surprise: his friends aimed as badly as they played poker.

“Of course. And then, I get to literally kick your butt out the door.”

“Okay, sadly, if anything, even more turned on.” Jim put a liberal amount of toothpaste on his toothbrush.

“So, get your sorry ass over here.”

“Be there in 10.”

Jim brushed his teeth quickly but thoroughly, threw the toothbrush and some condoms in the bag, and hurried over to Katy’s place. To hell with Valentine’s Day and true love, Jim Halpert was getting laid tonight.