Pam had slipped her hand into Jim’s fingers as they walked the length of the parking lot to the restaurant. Her new bold streak paid off once again as Jim squeezed her hand in return. He looked tired to her, but then again he’d had a long day. Between a nerve racking interview and a long drive back to Scranton, she was surprised he was awake at all, much less taking her out to dinner. The euphoria of his surprise intrusion on her talking head still hadn’t worn off completely. She was still grappling with the reality that Jim was standing at her side and holding her hand. His touch put her in the odd paradox of being weak in the knees and the strongest woman on earth all in the same moment. So much had changed in 24 hours and her brain was still trying to catch up to her heart. As exhilarating as this evening was, Pam couldn’t help but notice Jim had a hard time keeping eye contact with her. He’d look at her and then back at the ground or somewhere else soon after. She expected him to be nervous, but there was more to it than that. He seemed worried, anxious, and even a little distant at times. To everyone else, Jim would seem perfectly fine, but Pam knew his every little tic. She could read him like a book and knew something was gnawing at the back of his mind.
The hostess handed Jim a beeper and explained it would be about 25 minutes for a table. It was a pleasant evening, so Pam suggested they wait outside. Truth be told, Pam really wanted a quieter setting than the bustling waiting area of the restaurant. The calm exterior of outside, would allow her to “hear” Jim’s tics a little better. They sat down on a bench together, leaving little room between them. Jim looked over and smiled at Pam. She could see he was happy to be with her, but his eyes were indeed tired. Not just from physical exhaustion, but from more than that. His attention shifted back down to his lap as he fidgeted with the beeper relentlessly. Pam could feel his nerves as they radiated off of him. She knew he needed rescuing so she attempted to lighten the mood.
“You really surprised me today. I wasn’t expecting this at all.” She smiled and laughed slightly, hoping to relieve some of his nerves.
He looked up at her and grinned, “To tell you the truth, I surprised myself. I didn’t wake up this morning thinking . . .” he trailed off as his smile faded. His gaze returned to his lap while his face took on a melancholy expression. Pam knew better than to say anything, instead allowing him to find his words in his own time. He slowly refocused his attention on her and said, “I mean I’m glad this is happening, but I wasn’t expecting it either.” He sounded happy enough, but Pam heard undertones in his voice that told her there was more to the story. Jim shifted in his seat, putting his elbows on his legs and hanging his head. He took a deep breath as he looked up and out into the parking lot. He didn’t say anything more and silence hung between them.
“Are you okay?” Pam asked softly, hoping not to scare him into his shell. She lightly touched his forearm to comfort him and let him know it was safe to open up to her. He looked up at her a little surprised she had pegged him.
“Um, yeah, I’m fine,” he managed to say with a slight smile. Pam didn’t buy it for one second. She knew part of him was fine, but another piece of him was hiding under that smile.
“Jim, we don’t have to do this tonight.” Pam said finally. Pam knew full well the weight of the day’s events was heavy on his shoulders. He woke up next to Karen this morning and he was sitting next to her this evening. She couldn’t even begin to imagine the emotions streaming through him. Even though she knew Jim was right where he wanted to be, she also knew he was overwhelmed.
His head shot up and looked at her, “No, I want to be here.” He was earnest, but his voice had an air of pleading as if he were begging his head to go along with his heart.
“I know you do. But I don’t know if this is the right time.” She took hold of one of his hands and looked softly into his eyes, “I’m not going anywhere, okay, we can do this another time.” She squeezed his hand gently, “It’s been a long day . . .”
“I know,” he interrupted with a tired voice. When he looked at her, everything he’d been hiding behind his earlier smile was all over his face. “You’re probably right. I’m so sorry.” She could see the pain in his eyes from thinking he hurt her.
“It’s okay. Let’s get out of here, alright.” She reached for the beeper in his hand as he nodded in agreement. “I’ll be right back.” Pam quickly walked back into the restaurant and removed their names from the wait list. When she came back outside, he was right where she left him hunched over with his arms still resting on his legs. As she approached him, he ran his fingers through his hair with a pensive expression on his face. She knew that look.
“You wanna talk about it?”
He didn’t answer or look up at her for what seemed like an eternity, but Pam knew better than to push him. When he finally looked up at her his face was still pained, but a sense of relief had washed over his eyes.
“Are you sure you want to hear about everything?” he asked with an air of uncertainty and hesitancy. She knew what he meant by everything. Karen, New York, and the past year were all part of the deal.
“Every word.”
He smiled at her in a way that told her he loved her. She heard him loud and clear. Jim stood up and hugged her tightly as if he was afraid to let her go. It may not have been the first date she envisioned, but it was a place to start. He loosened up his arms just enough to be able to look in her eyes, “How about that cup of coffee?”
She couldn’t help but smile, “Okay, but it’s my treat.”
