Chapter 2: The Investigation
For his first interview, Dwight wanted to talk to Roy. The guys from the warehouse were taking a break. Roy was drinking a soda and eating from a bag of chips when Dwight approached him.
“Dwight K. Schrute.” He held his hand out.
Roy ignored the hand. “I know who you are.”
Dwight continued, “I am running an investigation regarding the disappearance of your fiancée.”
Roy panicked, “Pam’s missing?”
“No, she came into work and then decided to take a sick day.”
Roy breathed again. “OK, whatever. Then what’s this investigation about?”
“Did Pam exhibit any symptoms of illness this morning? Vomiting? Wheezing? A hacking cough? Did she appear jaundiced? Was she foaming at the mouth?”
Roy glared at Dwight, “What? No. I guess she was fine. I’m not much of a morning person so I didn’t notice anything.” Dwight jotted notes on a clipboard.
“Michael sent Pam on an assignment to obtain a biannual sales report from Jim Halpert. While she was gone on her mission, she suddenly fell ill and called in to say she would be unable to return to work.”
“So she’s with Halpert?”
“Is she?”
“Dude, I was asking you!”
Dwight smirked and went back upstairs to the office.
Roy shook his head and walked back to his co-workers, “What a jackass!”
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“Let’s play!”
Pam grabbed the coloring book and crayons she brought. Each one tore a page out of the book. They sat on the floor and colored the pictures like a pair of five year olds. Pam laughed at Jim’s picture. He was barely able to color in the lines and when he did, the colors were all wrong for the illustration.
“Come on, Jim. A blue dog! With a yellow tail and orange ears!”
“Watch it, Beesly. I’m an original! Haven’t you ever heard of artistic expression?”
Pam’s cell phone rang. She ignored it at first but then decided to answer it. “Excuse me, I’ll just go in the kitchen.”
Jim tried not to listen to her conversation but he could not help but hear. He wondered why she was at this house today. Why was she skipping work?
“No, Roy. I’m not really sick. I’m just playing hooky today. What? Why did Dwight ask you that? No, I don’t know when I’ll be home.” She sounded frustrated, then she lowered her voice. “Hey, listen, um, we really need to talk tonight. Yeah, its very important. Its serious. OK, bye.”
Jim looked back down at his picture when she walked back from the kitchen. She sat down on the floor again and scrutinized the crayons until she found the one she wanted.
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“Hey, Temp, did you notice if Jim or Pam appeared to be sick yesterday?” Dwight was leaning against the reception desk, clipboard in hand.
Ryan looked up from his game of spider solitaire, “I didn’t see Jim and Pam yesterday.”
Dwight narrowed his eyes. “And why not? Why were you not at work yesterday?”
“Because yesterday was Sunday.”
Dwight jotted down another note and stalked off.
His next interviewee was Creed. Dwight sat on the corner of Creed’s desk.
“Creed, I am leading an investigation regarding the whereabouts of a certain James Halpert and Pamela Beesly. Do you know anything about where they might be today?”
Creed took off his glasses and leaned back in his chair. “Who is Pam?”
Dwight looked dumbfounded. “The receptionist.”
“Oh, the red head?”
Dwight shook his head. “No, that’s Meredith.”
“Well, she’s not missing. She’s sitting right there.” Creed pointed to Meredith, who was talking on the phone.
Dwight groaned. “What about Jim?”
“I’ve never met a Jim.”
“Ever?”
“Nope.” Creed put his glasses back on and went back to work.
For once, Dwight was speechless.
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After a lunch of chicken soup and grilled cheese sandwiches, they played cards. Pam considered cheating to let Jim win, since he was sick. But she just too competitive for that.
“Suck on that, Halpert.” She won her third game in a row.
Jim threw his cards down. “I give up! I hate playing games with you, Beesly. You’re too damn competitive!”
“But Jim, you’re so much fun to play games with.” She mockingly pouted.
He rolled his eyes, “OK, deal me. I’m all in.”
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Kevin, Toby, Oscar, and Kelly were eating lunch in the break room when Dwight entered, clipboard in hand.
“Hi Dwight, how’s the investigation?” asked Oscar.
“It is coming along very well. Thank you for asking. I need to ask all of you a few questions for my ongoing investigation? Kelly, do you not think that it is odd that Jim would be out sick on the day when his biannual sales report is due?”
Kelly sipped her diet soda before thoughtfully replying, “I think he’s got the flu. At least that’s what Ryan told me. Ryan talked to Jim on the phone and Jim said that he was sick. Then, Ryan talked to Pam and she said that she had gotten sick. And Ryan doesn’t lie. At least, I don’t think he does. He’s never lied to me. Maybe he is lying. Which would mean that Jim and Pam are lying too.” Dwight wrote furiously.
Kelly continued as she crossed her arms across her chest, “But I would be so mad if Ryan, Jim, or Pam lied to me. You kno-”
Dwight interrupted, “Kevin, where do you think Jim and Pam are?”
“I bet they got a hotel room and are having sex. Lots and lots of hot sex.” Kevin smirked.
Dwight shook his head while Toby replied, “Kevin, that is an inappropriate comment, especially in the office.”
“Why? We all know that Jim has got it bad for Pam.”
Kelly squealed, “Aww, that would be so sweet if Jim and Pam took the day off to be together!”
Toby interjected, “We shouldn‘t gossip about our co-workers.” Kevin and Kelly just looked at Toby. “You know…never mind.” He returned to eating his sandwich.
Oscar shot Dwight a look. “I believe that Jim and Pam are really sick. I also believe that they are each at their respective homes.” Oscar raised his eyebrows at Dwight.
“Thank you, Oscar.” Dwight understood and walked out of the break room.
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Jim had found a Scrabble board in the upstairs closet. After three marathon games, he groaned and rubbed his head.
Pam suddenly turned serious. “Are you alright? Do you want to sleep? I can go home, if you want.”
“No, I want you to stay.”
Jim stretched out and fell asleep on the couch. Pam sat down on the floor in front of the couch and pulled out her sketchbook. She made sure to bring her colored pencils. The good kind. Roy would flip out if he ever found out of much she had paid for these pencils.
She drew the backyard from her point of view when she heard Jim sleepily mumble her name. She turned and was surprised to realize that he was not awake. She kneeled on the floor in front of him and looked at his face as he slept. He seemed restless as he shifted on the couch and mumbled again. She thought about the envelope in her purse and wondered if she would have the courage to tell him why she came to his house today.
She reached up and placed her hand on top of his. His hand was so much bigger than hers. She imagined his hand enveloping hers. Right then, his eyes flitted open. Pam dropped her hand.
Jim rubbed his eyes, “What?”
Pam sheepishly said, “I was going to put your hand in a bowl of warm water.”
Jim laughed and sat up, stretching his long arms. Pam went into the kitchen to get a glass of orange juice. When she walked back in, he was holding her illustration.
“Pam, this is so good. You’re incredibly talented.” A flush covered her face. “Of course, it is not nearly as good as my blue-yellow-orange dog!”
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“Stanley, I need to ask you a few questions for my investigation.”
Stanley scowled at Dwight, “I’m on the phone.”
“It will only take five minutes of your time. Well, perhaps, ten. I have developed a comprehensive questionnaire-”
“I’m on the phone.” Stanley jerked his head away from Dwight’s direction.
“How about you, Phyllis? Will you answer questions for my investigation?”
Phyllis was on the telephone as well. She covered the speaker end of the phone with her hand and whispered, “Leave Jim and Pam alone.”
Dejected, Dwight walked into the break room. Angela was standing at the snack machine, buying two candy bars.
“Hello, Angela.” He said briskly.
“Hello, Dwight.” She replied sharply.
“Michael has assigned me to investigate the mysterious illnesses-slash-disappearances of Jim Halpert and Pam Beesly.”
“Yes, I heard talk of your assignment. I think the disappearances are highly suspicious.”
“As do I. I have finished almost all of my interviews. I will be leaving soon to conduct my surveillance work outside of Jim’s house.”
“Good luck, Dwight.” Angela discreetly handed him a candy bar.
“Thank you.” Dwight lowered his voice, “Sweetie Buns.”
“You’re welcome, Tiger Man.”
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“Hey, do you want to see if we can find a really bad movie on TV. We can mock it, like Mystery Science Theater 3000,” he suggested. Her face lit up.
They settled in on the couch and found a cheesy movie on Lifetime. It was about a woman who was dying of cancer after she had killed her husband for cheating on her with her best friend, who had a double identity due to the fact that she a jewel thief. Jim offered Pam his blanket. The blanket was smaller than they both realized. Pam curled up in a ball next to Jim.
They mocked the movie and bantered for a hour or so. Pam was trying to stay awake but found it hard to do. Her head had fallen lightly against his shoulder. Jim’s comments were so funny because he was still groggy and incoherent from his medicine. He could not do his trademark impersonations because of his hoarse voice, so every impression sounded funnier.
After a while, they both were drifting off to sleep. Pam had, at some point, rested her arm across Jim’s stomach. He wrapped his arms snuggly around her body. He kissed the top of her head.
For a person who felt and looked like death warmed over, Jim was having a pretty good day.
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© 2006-2023 More Than That | Skin created by Kali