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EASE IN — 3RD FLOOR HALLWAY
MICHAEL is waiting for the elevator to go down to his car. HE is half-turned to talk to the camera, which is following HIM as the elevator doors open and HE steps inside.

MICHAEL (excitedly)
All right, we are off to Northeast Pennsylvania's largest Mazda dealership. I got the list of approved cars from corporate, but it didn't have any convertibles on it. I asked them why, and they said having a convertible was no longer (in a mocking tone) "a justifiable expense." I said, "What about a compromise?" So, yeah, I found a convertible that was really affordable. And this way everyone will stare at me when I pull up to red lights.


Cut to TALKING HEAD — RYAN in HIS OFFICE

RYAN
My assistant was supposed to deal with all this. But when she told me Michael wanted to get a (eyes widen) "Mazda Miata so everyone would stare at him," I called him personally and approved it. Kelly thought about getting a Miata last year. But she didn't because she said it was too girly. (beat) Kelly.


Cut to PARKING LOT
MICHAEL sees KEVIN standing outside his Sebring. As HE gets closer, HE realizes KEVIN is leaning on the passenger-side window.

MICHAEL
Kevi— no, no, get off there. What are you doing? You're gonna break the window. (KEVIN looks confused but stands up) Wait, where's Darryl?


Cut to TALKING HEAD — DARRYL in WAREHOUSE OFFICE

DARRYL
Mike came down here earlier and said he wanted me to come be (uses air quotes) "his muscle" for negotiating at the car dealership. (smile creeps across his face) Then he told me he was getting a Mazda Miata and that he was pretty sure being seen in it on the way back could help me (uses air quotes) "seem cool." (smiles and shakes his head) As much as I would have loved to experience all that, we got a crazy-busy day today. So I told my man Kev he should go instead.


Cut to KITCHEN
ANDY is sitting at the table in the corner alone, eating lunch. CREED, holding a pad and pen, walks in, looks around furtively and sits down across from ANDY.

CREED
So, give me all the details on this little concert.

ANDY (excitedly)
Oh, yeah. Definitely. Let's see ... my buddy Clay is flying in from Boston tonight. Gonna crash at my place. He just separated from his wife, so that's pretty sweet. Just like old times, right? (CREED looks disinterested/impatient) The other guys are driving in tomorrow, so after the concert we'll probably hit up some downtown action, maybe find some karaoke. (breaks into slight, but detectable smile) Maybe some Home Depot, some Bed Bath and Beyond. I don't know. Don't know if we'll have enough time. (CREED looks at ANDY blankly. ANDY'S face immediately turns back to serious) No but seriously, probably meet some hot (high-pitched voice) chii-cahs. Midterms just got done for U. Scranton, so the pond is gonna be stocked if you know what I mean.

CREED (smiling and nodding)
What about the concert? Time? Place? Cost?

ANDY
Oh, yeah, okay. (CREED opens pad and begins writing) Um, it's at 8:30 at this place on Hemlock Street. I can't remember the name right now, though.

CREED
But how much does it cost?

ANDY
I don't know, like five bucks a person, I guess. I can totally get you in free though, dude. So if that's what you're worried about—

CREED
No, no. Not necessary. (smiles secretively) That is all I need. (gets up and walks out of kitchen)

ANDY (turning to camera and pointing with his thumb at CREED)
Great guy.


Cut to MAIN OFFICE
CREED is at his desk working intently on something on his computer. HE hits Enter and camera zooms in on the screen, which reads "Your eBay items have now been posted for bidding." HE stands up, walks to the color printer and picks up the first piece of paper that comes out. Camera zooms in on the paper, which contains eight identical fake tickets. The lettering is a funky, '70s-looking font. The tickets read, "Acappella Concert. Friday Night. 8:30. Somewhere on Hemlock St, Scranton. $39.99. NO REFUNDS."


Cut to ANNEX
TOBY is sitting at his desk, working on his computer. KELLY walks over from behind her wall and leans against the corner of TOBY'S desk.

KELLY (perkily)
Hey, Toby.

TOBY (quietly)
Oh, hey, Kelly.

KELLY (very quickly and even more perkily)
Okay, great news! Ohmygod, you are so not going to believe this! I was at my parents' house last weekend, right? And my mom asked me to go pick my sister up at her friend's house. So I was like, "Okay, I guess I'll go." Because, I mean, she was making dinner for our whole family, so I figured I could help her out, you know. So I went to pick my sister up, and her friend's brother was there, and ohmygod, he was so cute. So I started talking to him and my sister was really embarrassed, but I was like, "Shut up, you are so annoying." So I found out he just graduated from college and he's living at home, and I mean, normally I would be like "Ew," but I just read this article in Newsweek about how people are living off their parents for longer and longer, so I was like, "Okay, I guess it's not so bad." So anyway, to make a long story short (TOBY briefly looks directly into the camera), I just called him and we're going on a date to Andy's concert thing. Yay! (KELLY walks away)

TOBY gives resigned/defeated look to camera.


Cut to TALKING HEAD — TOBY at HIS DESK

TOBY
Kelly said she read something in Newsweek. There is no way Kelly reads Newsweek. (holds up copy of Us Weekly with a picture of Lauren Conrad from "The Hills" on cover. Camera zooms in on headline, which reads, "Rich Parents: How the Stars of ‘The Hills' Afford Their Extravagant Lifestyle")


Cut to TALKING HEAD — KELLY in CONFERENCE ROOM

KELLY
When Ryan broke up with me, he told me he hated that I read celebrity magazines all the time. He told me I should try reading magazines like Newsweek and Time so I could be more cultured or whatever — because he said I was immature. Well, first of all, he had a problem with being premature. And second of all, those magazines are so boring. If I wanted to learn about the news, I'd watch "The Daily Show" or something. So now I just tell people I read those magazines. But I don't. That way I look more mature. (claps hands together giddily) I'm so smart.


Cut to MAIN OFFICE
ANGELA is standing at JIM'S desk. JIM is sitting in his chair. DWIGHT is sitting at his desk. ANGELA and JIM are in mid-conversation.

ANGELA
... as the ranking official on duty, it is your job to punish him.

JIM (amused)
Okay, Angela. Two things. One: We are not in the army. And two: Thaaat is ridiculous.

ANGELA (frustrated)
He went behind my back and violated my duties as party planning committee chair.

JIM
Seriously, I think you're overreacting. He invited people to his concert. On a Friday. After work.

ANGELA harrumphs loudly, spins on her heels and walks back to her desk. Several seconds later, DWIGHT gets up and walks to ANGELA'S desk.

DWIGHT
I can punish him.

ANGELA
No you can't, Dwight. You can't do anything about it. You don't have any authority here anymore. Jim is the number two now. You're just a worthless paper salesman.

DWIGHT looks at ANGELA defiantly for a couple seconds, then glances at camera, turns and walks to JIM'S desk. ANGELA watches DWIGHT walk away.

DWIGHT
Jim, you have to do something about Andy Bernard. His disobedience cannot be allowed to go unpunished.

JIM looks down at his desk for a beat in thought, then back up at DWIGHT.

JIM
You're right. Thing is, I'm reeeally busy this week. So if I delegate this responsibility to you, do you think you could handle it?

DWIGHT
I can. And I will.

Camera pans to ANGELA, who clearly is listening. SHE rolls her eyes and turns back to her desk.

JIM
Perfect. Okay, let me think about how we need to approach this for a little bit, and I'll get back to you.

DWIGHT
Thank you, Jim. You will not regret this.

JIM glances at camera.


Cut to COMMERCIAL BREAK


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