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EASE IN — PARKING LOT OF MAZDA DEALERSHIP
MICHAEL and KEVIN are walking around parking lot. A SALESMAN approaches them.

SALESMAN
So, fellas. What can I do ya for today? We've got this sweet new CX-9 SUV over here. (points) Loaded with a sporty V-6—

MICHAEL
No, no. I know what you're doing. You're trying to sell me.

SALESMAN
I'm just here to make sure you get the most out of your Mazda experience.

MICHAEL (curtly)
I don't need your help. I already know exactly what I want. A red Miata. With cup holders.

SALESMAN
Well, all our cars have cup holders, sir, so we got ya covered there.

MICHAEL
Good.


Cut to TALKING HEAD — MICHAEL in DEALERSHIP PARKING LOT

MICHAEL
Yeah, I did some research on how to buy a car. It said you should never be nice to car salesmen. Tell them what you want and make them accept your terms. Do. Not. Negotiate. (beat) Harrison Ford, "Air Force One."


Cut back to DEALERSHIP PARKING LOT
MICHAEL, KEVIN and the SALESMAN are standing next to a yellow Miata. It is the only convertible in sight.

SALESMAN
All right, we don't have any red Miatas in stock, but lucky for you, we do have this baby in yellow.

MICHAEL
Great. I'll take it.

KEVIN
But Michael, I thought you said you weren't going to give in unless you got exactly what you wanted.

MICHAEL
Sh— Gah— That's not the point, Kevin. There's obviously nothing he can do about it.

KEVIN
You could wait for them to get a red one in.

MICHAEL (dismissively)
That's so stupid. Then I can't get it today. Why are you even here?


Cut to TALKING HEAD — KEVIN in DEALERSHIP PARKING LOT

KEVIN
Why am I even here?


Cut to MAIN OFFICE
ANDY gets up from his desk and walks over to ANGELA'S desk, where SHE is sitting.

ANDY
So, Angela, can I count on your (rolls 'R') RSVP to this weekend's festivities?

ANGELA
No. You cannot. I have a very busy weekend. (beat) And I don't care for music.

ANDY (clearly disappointed)
Oh. (gives a half-smile) Okay.

ANDY starts to walk back to his desk. ANGELA looks up and realizes DWIGHT has been eavesdropping on the conversation.

ANGELA (loudly)
Andy, wait. I changed my mind. I would love to go to your concert.

ANDY subtly pumps his fist.


Cut to TALKING HEAD — ANGELA in CONFERENCE ROOM

ANGELA
I used to hate Andy. (beat) Actually, I used to think Andy was a despicable human being. (beat) (looks past camera in thought) But you know what? He never killed one of my cats in cold blood.


Cut back to MAIN OFFICE

DWIGHT
Jim, may I speak to you in the break room please? (JIM rolls his eyes, gets up and follows DWIGHT to break room. Camera films them through window) How should I proceed with punishing Andy?

JIM
Yeaah, you can't punish him.

DWIGHT (upset)
Do not do this. Do not go back on your word.

JIM (exasperated)
I only said that so you wouldn't bother me. (beat) Aaand, Andy didn't do anything wrong.

DWIGHT glares at JIM for several seconds.

DWIGHT
You will regret this, Jim.

JIM (nonchalantly)
Okay.

DWIGHT glares at JIM for several more seconds, then storms off in a huff.


Cut to TALKING HEAD — JIM in CONFERENCE ROOM

JIM
I have a dream, and it is this: One day, I will think of a way to simultaneously prank both Dwight and Andy. (beat) And have them both blame each other.


Cut to SALES OFFICE inside MAZDA DEALERSHIP
The SALESMAN is sitting behind a desk in his office. MICHAEL and KEVIN are sitting on the other side of the desk. MICHAEL is leaning back in his chair, with his hands behind his head and his feet up on the desk.

MICHAEL

All right, so. (beat) Let's get down to it. I looked up some figures on the ol' Internet, and I'm not paying one cent more than this.

MICHAEL writes something on a piece of paper, folds the paper and slides it across the desk to the SALESMAN as KEVIN looks over his shoulder.

KEVIN (quietly)
Michael, that's more than the sticker price.

MICHAEL
You know what, Kevin? I'm sick of all your negativity. All you're doing is making a fun day not fun at all.

KEVIN
But Mich—

MICHAEL
Shuuut it.


Cut to TALKING HEAD — MICHAEL in DEALERSHIP LOBBY

MICHAEL
Yeah, I came up with that number after extensive research. Pretty sure Kevin didn't do any research, so what the hell does he know? (beat, as HE listens to something cameraman says) Kelley Blue Book? Never heard of it. (beat, as HE listens to something else cameraman says) Consumer Reports? No. Didn't use it. They don't really know what they're talking about.


Cut back to DEALERSHIP SALES OFFICE
MICHAEL and the SALESMAN are standing up, shaking hands. MICHAEL obviously is pleased with himself. SALESMAN is giving a look as if to say "I can't believe it. This is my lucky day." KEVIN still is sitting, looking disappointed.

MICHAEL (in weird voice)
Well, thank you, good sir. It was my pleasure. It will be nice to have a trusty American-made car for a change. (MICHAEL and KEVIN leave the office) (quietly, to camera) What a sucker. He didn't even try to negotiate with me. MAN, I'm good.


Cut to TALKING HEAD — SALESMAN in OFFICE
SALESMAN smiles broadly, laughs and shakes his head.


Cut to COMMERCIAL BREAK


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