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Author's Chapter Notes:
Andy gets interviewed.

Pam, Toby, and Oscar, all of whom were decked out in scarves and berets, sat one-by-one at the table in the conference room. Directly across from them, and under careful scrutiny, sat Andy Bernard, ready to bring his A-game, since after all, he was a great interviewee.

“So,” Pam started, with a glance at her fellow Finer Things Club members.

“So indeed,” Andy agreed, leaning back in his chair and flashing Pam a toothy smile.

“Um… okay. We th--”

“Sounds good to me,” Andy said, grinning even wider.

Pam looked confused. “I haven’t said anything yet.”

“Shoot, then.”

Pam raised her eyebrows in Oscar’s direction, and he then made a large tick on the list in front of him. Andy craned his neck to try to get a peek of it. Oscar slowly slipped it under a pile of paper next to them, as he gazed at Andy disapprovingly.

Pam decided to jump right into the questioning. “Why do you feel that you should be a part of the Finer Things Club?”

“It’s just that I have this… this…” Andy sat at the edge of his chair and summoned a fire in his eyes, “intense appreciation for literature and for art and… and for culture.” He nodded his head with finality, pleased with his performance.

“So everything our pamphlet said we were looking for?” Toby asked, holding up a piece of paper folded in half with, “The Finer Things Club: For people with an intense appreciation for literature, art, and culture,” blazoned on the front.

“Exactly,” Andy said.

Oscar made another tick.

“Just one question,” Andy said. “What is the sheet for?”

“It’s your evaluation,” Oscar stated.

“Oh, okay. Cool.” Andy started to look a bit nervous.

“Let’s just continue,” Pam said.

Oscar nodded and cleared his throat. He glanced over the tops of the fake glasses he had donned for the occasion and scanned the list in front of him. “So, naturally, you are familiar with Shakespeare?”

“Oh yeah,” Andy bragged. “Willy and I go way back.”

“Uh huh,” Oscar said, surveying Andy and making a very large and obvious checkmark on his list.

Andy, sensing this was a bad thing, continued, “Yeah, I can totally relate to Romeo. You know, a real charmer.” He winked at Pam.

Out of curiosity and some guilt that Andy was breaking Dwight’s heart, Pam asked, “So would you kill yourself for your love?”

“Aw! Come on! He kills himself?” Andy yelled. He shook his head in disbelief. “Thanks for spoiling it. Jeez.” He sat back and crossed his arms.

Toby shook his head sadly.

“Moving on,” Pam said quickly. “Who is your favorite Transcendental poet?”

And skipped a beat, then answered, “Me, of course.”

“Really?” Pam asked, trying not to laugh. “I wasn’t aware that you wrote poetry.”

“Or had a spiritual connection with nature,” Toby chuckled. Oscar also had to suppress a grin.

“Well, I do work with paper. Which comes from trees. Which comes from nature. So I’d say I’m very connected.”

“Just for our purposes, do you think you could recite a little for us?” Oscar inquired.

Toby snorted. “Sorry,” he apologized, when he realized everyone was looking at him.

“Of my original works?” Andy inquired.

“Uh… no. Some from a Transcendental poem.” Pam didn’t feel the need to embarrass Andy horrifically.

“No problem-o.” Andy rolled his shoulders and cracked his neck. He blew out through his lips a few times. He then recited:

“One fish

Two fish

Red fish

Blue fish

Black fish

Blue fish

Old fish

New fish

This one has

A little star

This one has

A little car

Say! What a lot

Of fish there are.”

The panel was silent for a moment, while Andy sat there grinning, happy with his excellent recitation.

“I don’t think Dr. Seuss is considered a Transcendentalist,” Pam explained. Toby and Oscar were too shocked to say anything.

“Well, I could recite Green Eggs and Ham for you,” Andy offered.

Pam looked to Toby on her left and then Oscar on right and they all nodded. “That’s all we really need to know, Andy,” Pam told him quietly, as Oscar made the largest check yet on the sheet and initialed the bottom.

“Sure thing. It was an honor to have interviewed with such fine people as yourselves,” Andy said, grabbing Pam’s hand and bowing his head.

“Okay,” she said sadly, looking at him hanging his head pathetically.

“We’ll… uh… let you know.”

So Andy walked out of the conference room, patting himself on the back for having “nailed it.”

Chapter End Notes:
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Big Tuna is the author of 19 other stories.



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