She looked so happy, dancing with Roy. He saw the smile on her face when Roy set a date. But still, he always sensed a tension between them.
Still, even though it looked like he would never have her, all he wanted, all he ever wanted, was her.
He saw her, walking to Roy's car and felt the tears swell up in his eyes. And suddenly he just couldn't take it anymore. He felt like he had to tell her, or else he'd burst. He didn't think about the consequences, his timing or Pam's feelings. He just had to.
"Pam!" She looked over her shoulder, surprised.
"What?" She was still smiling.
He couldn't speak. Her happiness cut through his soul like a knife.
"What is it, Halpert? I don't have all night!"
He just stared at her, unable to control his emotions.
Slowly, the smile on Pam's face faded. He saw her whispering something to Roy, and he drove off. She came over to him.
"What is it Jim? Is it something about Katy? Did something happen?" She sounded concerned.
He hated himself, he hated the tear that escaped from his eye. He hated Roy, he hated cruises, he hated how he loved the way her hair was blowing in the wind.
"Hey Jim.. I'm here for you, ok?"
"I know, it's just that.. I'm just.. I.."
He stared into her eyes. Suddenly he became more determined.
"There's something I want to tell you, Pam. Something I need to tell you"
"What is it?"
"I broke up with Katy."
"Oh Jim. I'm so sorry." She grabbed his hand.
"But.. Did something happen? I mean this is kind of a surprise! Why did you brake up with her?"
"Because of you Pam."
"What?" A little smile ran away from her face. But she gazed back into his eyes, and once again her smile faded. She pulled her hand out of his.
"Jim, please.."
"I know. I know you probably don't want to hear this. I'm your friend, I should be happy for you. I tried, Pam. I did. God, you have no idea. But I'm not happy, in fact I'm miserable. I hate to see you with Roy, I just can't take it. And I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I can't be the friend you want me to be, but the thing is Pam, I'm crazy about you. Always have been, always will be. I Try to tell myself otherwise, I even date other people. But nothing seems to help Pam, nothing can change the way I feel about you. Not even you getting married."
He stopped. The silence between them seemed to last forever. She didn't look at him. He tried to catch her eyes, but she kept avoiding his. He couldn't tell what she was thinking. Suddenly she gasped for air.
"I don't know what to say, Jim." She sounded angry.
She turned around and started to walk away.
"Pam!" He grabbed her arm. "You know this is not all about me, don't you."
"How dare you!" She looked shocked. "I'm getting married for christ's sake!" She'd started yelling at him.
"Well, maybe you should reconsider. I'm not crazy Pam. And neither are you. You know something's going on. And you know what, Pam," Jim started yelling too.
"The easy way isn't always the right one!"
She began to walk away again, but hesitaded and turned around again.
She looked at him, tears running down her face.
"How could you do this..." She spoke very softley, almost whispering. He couldn't stand seeing her so sad. He came a little closer.
"I feel like this is the only way, Pam. I'm sorry.. I didn't mean to upset you." He wrapped his arms around her.
"Just know that.. It's not impossible, Beesly."
She sighed, and he softly pushed his lips on her forehead. He wished he could have hold her there, forever. His arms around her waste, his nose hidden in her curls, standing at that parking lot of lake wallenpaupack.
Suddenly she pulled back again.
"I have to go." She whispered. "You know I have to."
"Wait, Pam, how are you getting home." He yelled at her back.
"I'll call a cab."
She turned around.
"Goodbye Jim"
He didn't react. Everything became a blur as he saw her walking away.
Story Notes:
Hey everyone! This is my very first fanfic! I just want you to know, that I live in europe and I don't speak english on a regular basis. So I really try to write as good and correct as I can, but it's quite hard for me. So you may point errors out to me, but please don't be too harsh! I love the office and especially JAM!!
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
This chapter is set right after the booze cruise! What would've happend if Jim told Pam about his true feelings.. Kind of a variation of casino night.
Chapter End Notes:
Next up: Will Pam be able to show her true feelings?? I'll update as soon as possible. Please review, and let me know what you think so far. I'd really appreciate that, because I'm really trying to improve my writing!
