She doesn’t think about things the same way as she did before.
Like with Roy.
She doesn’t picture fences or yards or babies or dogs.
She doesn’t worry about whether or not his mother will like her and she doesn’t bother baking him cookies.
She has her own savings account and she feels like that’s exciting and she has her own apartment and she feels like that’s good, for now.
She doesn’t imagine two stories or four bedrooms or over-crowded holidays the way that she used to, because it’s like she doesn’t want to ruin it, or like she doesn’t want to think of those things in case she gets it right.
Part of the fun is being surprised by life, she thinks now.
Part of the point is being surprised.
Of course sometimes her mind wanders. Sometimes when he has his arms wrapped long around her and his voice vibrates through his chest and her back and into the core of her she imagines that they’re older and that they’re still in love like this.
But she doesn’t imagine fences.
She distracts herself with his smiling and the things that he says to her, with their fighting that always turns into joking or their joking that sometimes turns into fighting, and when she’s dwarfed by him between clean-ish sheets she distracts herself with his skin.
She thinks later she’ll be glad she hasn’t thought about yards and bedrooms because thinking about it alone seems unfair to him, and she knows he has plans that he doesn’t speak out loud.
So she doesn’t think about whether or not they’ll move to Philidelphia in two years and she doesn’t think about how much selling paper pulls the wind out of his sails until he mentions it, and then she thinks and she nods and she reassures him in the way that satisfies something organic inside of her. She asks him then if he wants to quit Dunder Mifflin, and he always just smiles at her like she’s surprised him by asking, and she thinks that’s really the point. She asks him if he wants to move away from Scranton, and he always just nods and grins and says eventually, and she thinks that’s enough for her.
She doesn’t worry anymore.
She doesn't plan.
Instead she just lets herself be happy right now, like this.
Instead she just waits for him to surprise her.
And he always does.
And she thinks that, really, is actually the point.