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Story Notes:
Just a scenario that came to mind on a boring Friday afternoon.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I do not own The Office, or these characters. Or Red Bull.
INT: Office.

A new girl walks in the office and cautiously walks up to Jim.

NATALIE
Um… Hi.

JIM
Hi!

Dwight immediately stands up.

DWIGHT
Who are you? What are you doing here? Do you have clearance?

NATALIE
Um, hi, I’m Natalie, I’m the new receptionist.

JIM
Oh, hey!

DWIGHT
You are a very tiny person. Are you a midget?

NATALIE (After a brief pause)
No.

NATALIE TALKING HEAD
I’m 4’11”. To be considered a legal midget, you have to be 4’10”. Trust me, I tried to get handicap parking.

NATALIE
Um, is Michael here?

JIM
Nope, but he’s very rarely here on time, so- I can show you around, if you want?

NATALIE
Ok. Sure-

We hear the office door open and Michael walks in carrying a 6-pack of Red Bull, looking obviously disheveled.

JIM
Michael. Good morning.

MICHAEL
Just shut it.

He quickly walks into his office, shutting the door. Natalie and Jim share an amused look.

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD
He’s not wearing a tie, and his hair looks more like Jim’s shag than his usual business haircut.
UGHH... As you know, my former lover, Jan, is with child. Not by me, but with the help of... a sperm of… a man… and I have taken it upon myself to help my dearly beloved-ed through this… amazing journey of being pregnant. Jan has decided it would be best if she moved back into my condo, so that I can be there to rub her feet, and run to the store to get pickles and Rocky Road ice cream at three in the morning. You know, I just want to help out in anyway that I can. Like last night, Jan couldn’t sleep so I asked if I could get her anything, and she said she wanted a cheeseburger. So I went and got her a cheeseburger, but the mayonnaise on the burger made her throw up. So I took it back and exchanged it for a cheeseburger without mayo, and then she realized that it wasn’t the mayonnaise that made her throw up, it was the cheese. So I went back and asked for just a regular hamburger, and when I got back, Jan was already asleep, so I ate the hamburger and it gave me diarrhea. You know, it’s just… hormones. They do crazy things.

OPENING CREDITS

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