INT - Office.
Dwight is standing in front of reception talking to Natalie.
DWIGHT
On your way in, did you notice anyone following you, or a tail of any kind?
NATALIE
No.
Michael runs in.
MICHAEL
Attention everyone! Jan and I went to the vaginacologist this morning, and I have something to share with everyone. Everyone in the conference room. Come on!
Michael runs into the conference room as Dwight giddily follows.
INT – Conference room.
Michael is standing in the front as everyone files into chairs.
MICHAEL
Come on in. Have a seat.
DWIGHT (standing beside him by the door)
Let’s go. Hurry up everybody. Speed it up, Phyllis.
MICHAEL
Alright, everyone’s here. Now, I have something I want to show everyone. (He holds up an ultrasound photo as Kelly claps her hands.) This is a hologram of me and Jan’s baby.
JIM
I’m sorry, it’s a what of your baby?
MICHAEL
A hologram.
PHYLLIS
You mean a sonogram.
MICHAEL
No, I mean a hologram.
NATALIE
A hologram is like an optical illusion, that’s a sonogram.
MICHAEL
Well, whatever. Look, isn’t it beautiful. It’s amazing. A real life miracle.
MEREDITH
Is it a boy or a girl?
MICHAEL
I don’t know, Jan wants to be surprised.
DWIGHT
It’s a boy.
MICHAEL
What?
DWIGHT (points at the photograph)
There’s it’s penis. It’s right there.
MICHAEL
Shut up, Dwight. You can’t see anything. It doesn’t even look like a baby, it looks like a baby walnut. Here I’ll pass it around.
The photo gets passed around.
PHYLLIS
Do you know who the father is?
MICHAEL
Yes, he is 22 years old, he’s a senior at Penn State where he’s studying Business Management, and his favorite band is Fall Out Boy. So hopefully my child will become regional manager of Dunder Mifflin one day. You may one day find yourselves working for a Mr. Steve Martin Dangerfield Scott. Or a Mrs. Coretta Scott King.
JIM
Those are the names you’ve chosen?
ANDY
Good choice, Fall Out Boy is an awesome band. I saw them in concert last year. It rocked the hizz-ouse!.
Angela rolls her eyes.
JIM (holding the picture)
Uh oh.
MICHAEL
What? What is it?
JIM
Nothing. Just… well, your baby doesn’t have any hair.
MICHAEL
Pssh… all baby’s are born without hair, Jim. Shows how much you know about birthing a child.
JIM
You said Jan’s almost four months along, right?
MICHAEL
Yeah.
NATALIE
Michael, all babies should have grown a full head of hair by four months.
JIM
Yeah. Michael, I hate to break this to you, but your baby’s going to be permanently bald.
MICHAEL
Oh my God. Well don’t they have treatment for it when they’re a baby? Like Rogaine for babies or something?
NATALIE
No.
MICHAEL
Kevin, have you always been bald?
KEVIN
No. At least, I don't think so...
MICHAEL
Well, bald can be cool. Look at Bruce Willis. Or Michael Jordan. My baby will look just like Michael Jordan. Minus the black part. No offense, Stanley.
STANLEY
None taken.
MICHAEL Talking Head:
My baby is going to bald for life, but that isn't necessarily a bad thing. This just means that now, he can make it big and become famous. Like a basketball player. Or a rapper. A future Michael Jordan Scott. Junior. (He smiles) Jan said I can't help pick out the name, but I think she'll make an exception in this case.
OPENING CREDITS.
Story Notes:
Read previous story "The Mob" to catch up on the new character, Natalie.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Own nothing still.
Chapter End Notes:
Please review! Thanks. :)
