It's a Monday morning.  Jim Halpert walks into the office, dejected.  And bearded.  He pulls a bottle of vodka from his desk drawer and takes a swig.

~
Jim:  Yeah, so I didn't get to propose to Pam because Andy proposed to Angela at that exact second.  So of course, my chance was blown because Pam had to leave to go to art school right away.  Like literally two minutes later.  And she went to New York and must have been mad at me, because when I didn't hear from her for three weeks I drove up there to surprise her, and I found her in bed with some guy named Paolo that works as a nude model at her school.  So after that, I became an alcoholic.  (He raises a flask and toasts the camera).
~

A few minutes later Dwight walks in and lays his briefcase on his desk.

"Good morning, Jim," he says pleasantly.  "Enjoying your breakfast?"

Jim burps in return and takes another gulp before he goes back to playing solitaire.

~
Dwight:  Things are going well for me these days.  Why do you ask?
~

He glances over at Angela, who returns his gaze with a lascivious smile.  Andy approaches her desk with a bright grin and says, "Good morning, my sweet.  I trust you had a great time at your Bible study group last night and again this morning?"

Angela nods and says, "Of course, dear."

Andy hands her a piece of paper.  "Here is my expense report for the month.  I attached Phyllis's too.  Shame about that."

"Yes, a true shame."  She steals another look at Dwight, who is fighting a small smile.

~
Angela:  Phyllis?  Oh, she had, um, an accident.  She's been in a coma for weeks now.  Never knew what hit her.  Poor thing.
~

After Andy walks back to his desk, stepping over Jim, who has passed out on the floor, Dwight goes over to Angela and says, "Angela, I have a question about some... forms.  In the supply closet."  She nods with understanding, and follows him back to the newly discovered supply closet behind the conference room.  They both walk by the unaware Andy, who is singing an a cappella version of Rocket Man to himself.

Michael emerges from his office, looks at the reception desk littered with paper as the phone rings, and sighs, "I knew I should have hired a replacement for Pam."

~
Michael:  Oh, Jan?  She's great.  Feeling good.  Getting big.  Really big.  Uncomfortably big, actually.  But it's all good.  I am totally okay with it being the baby of some anonymous sperm donor.  (beat)  What?
~

Michael kicks Jim in the head.  "Wake up, Jimboree." 

"Huh?  Oh, sorry."  Jim hoists himself back into the chair. 

"Still bummed about....?"

"Pam."

"Oh yeah, Pam.  Hey, do you have any advice?"

"Advice for how to have your heart ripped out and spat upon?"

"No, about having an ex-girlfriend show up with a baby."

Jim stares at him.  Michael stares back.

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh, um, forget I said anything."  Michael heads back to his office.

~
Michael:  Oops, I guess I forgot to give Jim that memo that was accidentally sent to me about Karen's maternity leave.
~

Dwight and Angela are having sex in the supply closet.

"Oh D!"

"Oh Monkey!"

"This can't go on!  He may find out!"

"Let him!  Then the world will know of our love!"

"Shhh... someone's coming!"

Stanley opens the door to the supply closet, looks at Dwight and Angela, mumbles, "Mmm-hmmm," grabs a box of pens, and moseys back to his desk.

Dwight and Angela exchange a look. 

-----

The next morning...

~
Michael:  I can't believe Stanley's in a coma too!  Geez, they're dropping like flies around here.  Maybe I should have had the building checked for radon.
~

A guy in his late teens walks into the office.  "Hi, I'm here from the temp agency for the receptionist position," he says to Jim, who is drinking something directly out of the spout of a teal-colored teapot.  Jim hiccups and yells, "Michael, yer temp's here."

Michael hurries out and greets the temp, who is unnaturally gorgeous and is named Tiger.   He shows Tiger the reception area and tells him to make himself at home.  Tiger raises an eyebrow to the camera and says, "Oh, I will."

Meanwhile, in prison, Ryan Howard is being given back his possessions in preparation for his early release. 

~
Ryan:  If it's the last thing I do, I will make sure Jim Halpert gets what's coming to him.  (He laughs in a somewhat maniacal way but his breath hitches and he starts to cough instead).
~

Andy is talking to Jim in the kitchen.  "Dude, no offense, but you reek and you really need to shave."

Jim starts to cry.  "Why?  My life just isn't worth living anymore!"

Andy looks around uncomfortably as Jim embraces him and sobs into his shoulder.

Kelly opens the door to the kitchen and rolls her eyes.

~
Kelly:  Jim is like such a girl.  I can totally see why Pam was screwing around on him.  Whatever.
~

A dark shadowy figure appears in the parking lot.  The person's face is hidden as he or she manages to affix a note to the windshield of Jim's silver SAAB before disappearing into the shadows of the Scranton Business Park. 

The staff is leaving for the day.  Dwight offers to give Angela a ride to her Bible study group.  Andy happily accepts and waves them goodbye.  Jim staggers out wielding a bottle of red wine and goes to get into his car, but stops short when he sees the note.  He picks it up and studies it, and then a look of shock crosses his face.


Next time, on Days Of The Office...

Will Ryan follow through on his evil plans?

Will Dwight and Angela ever get caught?

Will Jim find out who left him the note?  And more importantly, will we learn what it said exactly?  Or will the mystery be dragged on and on for many more episodes?