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Cupcakes, Mistletoe, Ducks and Shopping Carts
By Steph

Pairing: Kelly/Toby

Timeline: Early Season 4, before Toby’s little Pam crush got the best of him.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Author’s note: I wrote this last year with my friend Holly’s encouragement. This is the fic that started my love for this odd pairing and in a way, she’s the one to thank (blame). And I don't know - I just felt like posting it here in case anyone was interested.

In addition to Holly, I wanted to thank anyone who has said they liked my Kelly/Toby stories. I always end up shipping the UCs. Don't know why.

The sequel is located here:
http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction/viewstory.php?sid=3786

-------

When it’s your birthday at Dunder Mifflin Scranton, you get a cake and a card. People sing Happy Birthday.

Unless your name happens to be Toby. Then you get an exasperated-sounding Michael telling people at 4:58 p.m. on a Friday and if you’re lucky you have people calling and singing to you as they dash to their cars anxious to start their weekend.

Which was nice. But not quite the same thing.

It was now 5:03 and he sat alone in his car, debating whether he should do something nice for himself tonight or just go home. Deep in thought, he jumped when the passenger door opened and relaxed when he realized it was Kelly.

Kelly didn’t say anything to him at first, only sat down next to him and pulled down the mirror to reapply some lipstick. He didn’t say anything either, just waited patiently for something, anything.

Lipstick done, she turned to him and asked, “Why didn’t you get a cake?”

His voice was quiet, neutral. “You know why.”

She stared at him for a few seconds before saying, “Yeah. I know why.” She frowned. “What are you listening to?”

“Jazz,” he said. “It’s kind of pretty.”

“No. It’s awful. No wonder you look so depressed all the time.”

Hmm… he had never thought of jazz music as the culprit.

Kelly fiddled with the radio before finally finding something she approved of. The music was loud and bouncy and headache-inducing and he didn’t think he liked it.

“This is Fergie,” she told him. “This song is awesome. It always cheers me up.”

“Sure.”

“It’s good to dance to,” she said, bouncing a little in her seat. “When you go to clubs.”

“Which I do all the time.”

“I know you’re being sarcastic, but we should totally go clubbing one night. Darryl can come. And you bring someone too. Are you still dating that woman you brought to the wedding? She was really cute.”

Phyllis’ wedding. That seemed so long ago. “No,” he said to Kelly. “Things didn’t work out between us.”

Story of his life.

“She wasn’t really a prostitute, was she?”

“No,” Toby said, annoyance creeping into his voice. “She was…still is a nurse.”

“I believe you. What was Kevin trying to say? That a woman wouldn’t go out with you unless she was being paid? That’s stupid. You’re a sweet guy. And why isn’t anyone asking if Stacy’s a prostitute? She’s pretty too. And Kevin‘s super creepy.”

“I don’t know,” he said. He looked at the clock. 5:12.

“Forget that. We’ll go clubbing just the two of us. I’ll teach you some moves. Sasha will be so impressed by how cool her dad is.”

“I don’t know about that. She‘s way too young to be listening to stuff like this.”

If it were up to him, she’d never listen to stuff like this.

“Then she’ll be impressed when she’s older. Oh! I can teach you how to do the Sprinkler and the Shopping Cart. You‘ll be the coolest dad around.”

“Now you’re just making things up.”

“No! Watch.” She put her hand on her hip and did what he guessed was the Sprinkler.

And maybe it was the whole day - the fact that no one would even give him a damned birthday card - or the idea of him going clubbing - or the sight of Kelly wiggling around now dancing what he assumed was the Shopping Cart in his car, but everything suddenly seemed so ridiculous and silly that he threw his head back and laughed.

Which made Kelly start to laugh and stop dancing. “Come on, Toby. You need to pay attention to my moves. We’re going to go clubbing and you’ll never get a woman if you don’t learn how to shake that ass.” She could barely talk she was laughing so hard. “Shake that ass, Toby.”

He laughed again, eyes watering, feeling lighter than he had in a long time. Kelly was now laughing so hard she was gasping for air. And then she started hiccupping. Which set him off again.

When Kelly finally calmed down, she said, “You sound like a duck when you laugh like that.”

“Really?” That was a little embarrassing.

“No, it’s great. I love it! You have an awesome little duck laugh.” She gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. “And I want to hear it again.”

Monday morning he had a birthday card on his desk with a duck on it. Inside it said:

Birthdays - they ain’t all they’re quacked up to be!

There was also a large cupcake on his desk, white cake topped with an almost obscene amount of blue frosting. He split it in two and gave her the larger piece with most of the frosting, as a way of thanking her for everything.

---

A few months later…

Kelly was not having a great time at the Christmas party. She stood with Phyllis and Meredith, only half-listening to them talk, watching Darryl goofing off with his buddies from the warehouse.

Darryl wore a Santa’s hat and a wide grin, which was kind of sexy, but she didn’t feel much of anything.

Darryl was a good guy, hot too and he was good for freaking Ryan out, but lately she wasn’t sure if she wanted to keep dating him.

And on top of that, she had once again received a crappy present from her Secret Santa.

The punch was good though, spiked, she believed, by Meredith, and she sipped it slowly, not wanting to make an ass out of herself. Michael was taking pictures and the last thing she needed was to be photographed doing something stupid.

Meredith, who didn’t seem to share Kelly’s concern, was nodding enthusiastically as Phyllis detailed some remodeling she and Bob Vance were planning for their home.

Kelly was bored out of her skull.

She excused herself and wandered around listening to mindless conversations between Andy and Angela, between Stanley and Oscar, between Pam and Jim, who were giggling about something private, which irritated her even further.

She walked into the kitchen. Toby was there brewing a cup of coffee. He was watching the pot with such studied concentration that she could only assume that he was as bored as she was.

“This party sucks,” she said brightly.

“It’s not that bad,” he said. He looked at the coffeepot again.

“I mean,” she lowered her voice, because she wasn’t that mean, “Oscar gave me a book of poetry for my gift. And to think, I got him that cool shower radio a few years ago.”

Toby leaned against the sink. “Better than my dirty joke of the day desk calendar from Kevin.”

“That was kind of weird.”

“Yeah. I’m still trying to figure out that one.”

“Want to trade? I know you like books.”

“You want a dirty joke of the day desk calendar?”

“I want it more than a book of poetry.”

“Okay,” he said. “Who wrote the poetry?”

“I don’t remember,” she said. Then, “Why are you in here? Are you that bored?”

He shrugged. “Only somewhat bored. I’ll probably be heading out soon. I had a few drinks so I thought I’d make some coffee before I drive.”

“That’s nice,” she said. She stared at the coffeepot too and tried to think of something to say. “So, do you have your daughter for Christmas?”

Wrong thing to say. He shook his head no, managing to look even sadder. “She’s with her mom. But she’s spending New Year’s Eve with me.”

“Total gyp. It’s not like she’s able to get drunk with you at midnight.”

“Yeah, well…”

“Darryl’s daughter is with her mom too. But that’s good, because his daughter is a total brat.”

“Well…” He didn’t finish his thought.

She needed a new topic. She needed to stop talking about daughters.

“I think I’m going to break up with Darryl.”

He looked like he didn‘t know how to respond to that. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I won’t flip out like I did with Ryan.”

“I’m glad to hear that.”

“I’m not all stupid lovey-dovey over him like I was with Ryan. Or like Pam is with Jim..”

Which was the wrong thing to say again. He looked like he had been kicked in the gut. Again.

“Sorry,” she said. “You should really just get over her.”

If he was surprised that she knew about his feelings for Pam or that she had the nerve to talk about it with him, he didn’t show it. “Trying,” he finally said, sounding as if he were gritting his teeth. “I’m almost there.”

“Good.”

He cleared his throat. “I’ll go get you that calendar.”

“Thanks. The poetry book’s in my purse. I‘ll give it to you before I leave.”

“Okay,” he said

He took a step toward the door when she gasped. “Toby!”

He looked a little alarmed. “What?”

She didn’t say anything, only pointed up. He followed her gaze to the top of the doorway.

Mistletoe.

“Who puts mistletoe in the kitchen?” he asked.

“Who cares?”

She considered her options. She could drag Darryl away from his friends and bring him in the kitchen and make out with him. That was appealing - but he might be annoyed and think she was being clingy again.

She could ignore it, but that was going against what little holiday spirit she had.

Or she could kiss the saddest looking man she knew. It would be like Christmas charity or something.

And hey it couldn’t be any more embarrassing than planting one on Dwight.

Not that she would ever admit to that.

“Well,” Toby said. ”I’ll just grab your calendar.”

“Wait,” she said. She walked over to him, made her decision, and kissed him.

She had planned on it being a quick, friendly kiss. Touch lips, break apart, go do something else.

It didn’t quite work out that way. She hadn’t really planned on him kissing her back. Or her responding the way she did. Pulling him closer to her and not letting go.

She really hadn’t planned on him being a good kisser. Hadn’t planned on his hand solid on her back, on his mouth pressing against hers like they were just reunited lovers in a movie or something.

When they finally broke apart, she stared blankly at him, like she didn’t recognize him this close up. His eyes were dark and he had the tiniest smudge of red on his lips from the several layers of lipstick she had applied earlier.

She felt weird. Lightheaded almost.

What had just happened?

“I should go find Darryl,” she said,

He nodded. “Okay.”

“You -- you have…” She touched her own lip.

He understood, grabbing a paper towel and wiping his mouth. He didn’t say anything, only grabbed a coffee mug off the counter and poured himself a cup.

She smiled a huge, fake smile at him and scurried out, forgetting about swapping presents.

She told Darryl that she had too much to drink, that she didn’t feel well and he took her home.

She didn’t answer when he asked why she hadn’t said goodbye to anyone.

--

The next day was Christmas and she was happy not going into work. The day after she went in and exchanged awkward pleasantries with Toby, asking about his holiday.

They both went to work, the quiet bugging her. Quiet always bugged her and eventually she stuck her head over the cubicle. “Hey,” she said. “Sorry about the party. I had too much to drink and was inspired by the mistletoe.”

“It’s okay,” he said. “I was drinking also. And I‘m sorry too.”

“But we’re okay, right? You‘re not going to file some complaint against me or anything?”

“We’re okay.”

Neither of them said anything. Which was awkward. Oooh! She had an idea.

“Want to play?” she asked, raising her eyebrow. He nodded.

And for the next hour or so, stopping only to answer phones, they played Dunderball. It was easy and fun and they played until Angela came to the annex with her bitchface on, telling them she couldn’t concentrate. Toby promised her they would be more considerate.

Toby went right back to work which left Kelly alone with her thoughts. And her mind went back to that confused place - wondering how Toby, Toby of all people, could be a better kisser than Darryl.

--

Rumor had it that someone in another office hurt his back after years and years of desk work, had to have surgery and was now threatening to sue Dunder Mifflin. Which was stupid.

But they all had to have some kind of seminar about ergonomics and how to sit at your desk. All of them filed in the conference room. Everyone looked irritated. Michael most of all.

Kelly sat down next to Phyllis and wondered how long this would take. She wished she was into things like crossword puzzles like Stanley so she could actually do something productive. It wasn’t like she was learning anything here. She should have brought her In Style.

Michael made some stupid opening speech, complaining about this worthless seminar. Putting all the blame on Toby. As usual.

She yawned. She was supposed to meet Darryl tonight after work. She wasn’t sure she was looking forward to it. At least she looked good today.

Toby started everything, looking slightly embarrassed. He read from a manual. He was, Kelly thought, not unkindly, not the most natural public speaker.

“And now it says I’m supposed to ask for two volunteers,” Toby said.

To no one’s surprise, Andy’s hand shot up first.

“Kiss ass,” Michael coughed.

“Good one, Michael,” Dwight said.

Kelly rolled her eyes and checked her nails. She was pretty sure she had an emery board in her purse.

Andy sat down in one of the chairs near Toby. Andy sat perfectly straight. Head, hands, back … everything exactly where it should be. Toby looked at the manual, then at Andy’s posture.

“Looks good,” Toby said. “Just like the manual. Perfect.”

Andy pumped his fist. “Nailed it.”

Kelly rolled her eyes again. Loser.

“Anyone else want to be evaluated?” Toby asked.

He sounded half-hopeful, half-defeated. Kelly looked around and decided to volunteer. She couldn’t shake the feeling that she owed Toby something.

She stood up. “You can do me, Toby.”

“That’s what she said,” Michael called.

She ignored that. And sat down in the other chair. She had decent posture - she used to play Miss America with her sisters and walk around with a book on her head. She would probably get a decent evaluation. But then she had an idea.

If Toby needed to have someone demonstrate bad posture that had to be corrected, she could do that.

She slumped over, purposely exaggerating horrible posture. A few people started giggling.

That was her. Kelly the Comedienne.

Michael looked pissed that he hadn’t thought of it first.

She peered up at Toby, who looked like he didn’t know what to make of it. “Well, I don’t really know where to start.”

She shrugged. “Do what you need to do.”

“Okay,” Toby said. “Look at how Kelly’s shoulders are slumped. She’s not even sitting all the way back. You need to have your back straight against the chair.” He looked at her. “May I?”

“Sure.”

“All the way back,” he said. She scooted back, smiling. She liked being the center of attention.

“Shoulders back,” he said. She started to, but he stopped her, looking at the illustrations in the book then back at her. “No, if I could just ---” She nodded, giving approval.

He very gently pushed her shoulders back into the correct position.

“Good,” he said, removing his hands. He looked at the bored audience. “That’s how you should sit at your computer. It’s better for your back in the long run. Thanks, Kelly. You too, Andy.”

Kelly didn’t respond. The polite applause from her coworkers didn’t even register. She shouldn’t have volunteered. No she should have, but she should have shown her good posture, she should have told Toby that she could move her own damn shoulders.

His hand had been on her shoulders for maybe thirty seconds. No one had even blinked.

This was bad, Very, very bad.

She didn’t even realize how bad it was until later that night, after she had casually suggested to Darryl that maybe they should break up, after he had casually agreed. After they had both agreed to be friends. It had been the first drama-free break up of her life.

She didn’t realize how bad it was until she couldn’t sleep, thinking about how warm the room had suddenly become, how odd she had suddenly felt, in the thirty seconds his hands were on her shoulders…

She suddenly got the Image of him pressing on her shoulders for a different reason, lowering her onto a bed. Mouth, body covering hers…

This was so, so bad.

---

She could not have a crush on Toby.

It would be weird.

And just plain wrong.

She knew this - and yet…

She might have a crush on Toby.

---

At work when the phones were slow and she had nothing to do, she took out a notebook and wrote two columns. Pros and cons.

Under pros, using her favorite purple pen, she wrote down “smart.” Because he was really smart.

He had actually heard of the author of the poetry book Oscar gave her.

He was nice too. Maybe the nicest guy she knew. Another pro.

Con time. She wrote down “old.” Which was kind of mean so she added er. “Older.” Which he was.

She also added “losing his hair.” Which was true.

She thought about putting “has a kid” on the con list, but didn’t. Toby’s kid wasn’t a brat like Darryl’s.

“Good kisser” also got put on the pros list. “Not very sexy” got put on the cons list.

“Happy duck laugh” got on the pros. And then she remembered them in the car on his birthday months ago. Talking about dancing and him throwing his head back and laughing harder and looking happier than she had ever seen. How pleased it had made her feel - like winning a prize, like sharing a secret.

She thought about this for a second and crossed out “not very sexy” from the con list.

--

When you like a guy, or are in the phase where you think you might like a guy - even one who is older and losing his hair and walks around like he has the weight of the world on his shoulders - you find out what he likes and go with it.

Toby liked books. Toby liked movies. Toby liked Pam.

Just for the hell of it she went to the mall one night. She used some of the holiday money she received from her parents and bought some really ugly clothes. The kind Pam used to wear, before she started dating Jim. A pale blue buttoned up cardigan over a plain white shirt. A dowdy, too long beige skirt. She took her dark hair and pinned it up as best she could. Went light on the makeup.

When she walked past the reception desk, Pam frowned slightly, as if she didn’t know if she were being made fun of or not.

Toby was on the phone when she got to her desk, talking to someone in a low voice. She tried not to feel disappointed.

The only person who commented on her clothes was Angela, in the break room, who told her that she looked nice today, less like the whore that she usually looked like.

At her desk, she took her hair down, put on some more lipstick and eyeliner and took off the stupid, itchy cardigan. She balled it up and threw it into the trash.

---

She looked at the pros and cons in her notebook again and turned the page. Ever since she was ten, she had done the same thing every time she had a new crush or a boyfriend. She would write her first name in calligraphy, with as many loops and swirls as possible, and write the last name of the object of her affection. She wasn’t crazy or anything - she just wanted to see if she liked the way the names went together. Curious. That was a good word for it She was just curious.

She used her pink pen this time, swirled her first name, paused, and in just as many loops wrote the name Flenderson. Just to see how it looked. And because this was what she did.

It looked weird. It lacked the simplicity of the name Kelly Howard or even Kelly Philbin, She stared at the name for a long time, thinking it didn’t go together at all. She whispered the full name to herself - it sounded awkward and wrong to her own ears.

But it was weird - the longer she looked at it and thought about it, the less awkward and wrong it seemed.

---

“I broke up with Darryl,” she chirped over the cubicle.

She just wanted to throw it out there.

Nothing.

She peered up over the cubicle to see Toby handing Kleenex to a red-eyed Meredith, sitting in a chair across from him. Meredith was sniffling, Toby looking at her concerned.

“Sorry,” Kelly said, feeling terrible. She sat back down and quietly worked until Toby scooted his chair over to her desk.

“She okay?” Kelly asked.

“I think so,” Toby said. “She was having a bad day.”

Kelly squelched the desire to ask for more information; she knew he wouldn’t say anything.

“And you’re okay?” Toby asked her.

“Yes,” she said, smiling brightly. “I’m ready to start dating again.”

Subtlety thy name was Kapoor.

“Well you’re very…”

She frowned, waiting.

“Resilient.”

She laughed. “Thank you. I thought you were going to say slutty.”

He smiled and went back to his desk.

--

She met Darryl for lunch one day to return some of his things, And to clear the air. And because she had a few questions for him.

“If you found out I had kissed a coworker of mine when we were still dating would you come and punch him? Like Roy tried to do with Jim?”

Normally she would have loved that kind of drama. Guys fighting over her. But now just the idea of it made her feel uneasy.

Weird.

Darryl looked up from his sandwich. “Was it Mike?”

“That I kissed? Ew! Gross,” she said. “Puke. Hell no.”

“Then no.”

“If I started dating someone from work, who also isn’t Michael, would you be mad?”

“You’re dating someone from work?” He frowned. “Already?”

“I’m not a slut,” she said, folding her arms across her chest.

“I didn’t say you were,” he said. “I just wanted to know.”

“No not dating,” she said. “But I’m trying.”

“Let me guess. It’s Dwight, isn‘t it?”

She groaned. “No. And I’m not telling you. I just want to know you aren’t going to storm the annex one day in a jealous rage.”

“I’m not,” he said. “Wait? The annex?” He grinned. “You’re into the HR guy? You want to hit that?”

“No,” she said. She didn’t sound too convincing.

“Man,” Darryl said. “Isn’t that poor guy miserable enough?”

She made a face and he laughed, swore he was just playing.

Could this be the first guy she actually stayed friends with after a break up?

---

When she got back from lunch, she realized that she had missed some drama. Michael was in the annex, berating Toby for something that probably wasn’t even his fault. She tried to slink back to her desk unnoticed, but froze when she heard Michael’s angry voice. “This is why the company’s in such trouble. Because I can’t fire losers like you.”

Kelly watched openmouthed as Toby rubbed the back of his neck and said calmly, “I had nothing to do with this, Michael.”

“You’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem. And just being here you’re a problem for me. For everyone here. Everyone thinks that you’re a problem. I’m just the only one who has the guts to say that.”

Toby nodded. “Okay, Michael.”

Michael wasn’t leaving, but Toby turned back to his computer, still rubbing the back of his neck. Kelly watched the back of his head for a second, fighting the urge to just push his hand out of the way and rub the hell out of his neck and shoulders.

“And another thing - “ Michael said.

“Stop,” Kelly said, her voice low and unrecognizable to her own ears. She then remembered she was talking to her boss and she should really be careful. “Just,” her voice had returned to her normal, high-pitch, girly octave, “please stop.”

Both Michael and Toby looked at her, shocked. Michael gave both of them irritated looks before storming off yelling for Dwight.

Toby smiled at her, sadly and murmured a soft thank you.

The next morning there was a huge chocolate chip muffin on her desk. She offered to split half, but he declined.

--

When she went into the break room later, Jim and Pam were sitting together, filling out paperwork.

“What’s that?” she asked, grabbing a coke.

“The relationship disclosure form,” Pam said. “Hey, do you mind bringing it back to Toby?”

“Sure.”

She walked back to the annex and handed Toby the form.

“Thanks,” he said. He looked at it for a second. “Hey Kelly?”

“Yeah?”

“Remember at the Christmas party…”

Mr. Flenderson, she remembered everything about that Christmas party.

“When you told me I had to do something? Get over something?”

Get over Pam. “Yes,” she said, trying not to sound too giddy.

“I think -- I think I’m pretty much there.”

If Brad Pitt walked into the annex right then and there with Angelina and all their adorable,
multi-culti babies, she didn’t think she’d be able to be any happier.

--

Kelly needed to talk to someone. Someone who knew her, someone who knew Toby. Someone who could help her figure out what was in her head.

And Ryan still wasn’t taking her calls. There was no way he could be in meetings 24-7.

Pam. She needed to talk to Pam.

She got her chance a few days later. Pam and Jim sitting at lunch again. She wondered if she could ask Jim to leave,

No, Jim might be able to help. Jim was actually the closest thing she knew to a guy who was still kind of a girl about things, He’d be good too.

She sat down next to them, sighed loudly, theatrically.

Pam and Jim looked at each other, both looking like they were trying not to giggle.

She sort of hated them both right then. But she also needed advice.

“Something wrong, Kelly?” Pam asked.

“Have you ever wanted something and you don’t know why you want it and you don’t even think you should want it, but you just know that you want it and it’s kind of driving you crazy because you don’t have it?”

“Wow.” Jim said.

Okay maybe she should have slowed that down a little bit. “I just know I want something and I’m not quite sure how to get it and I don’t know why I want it, but I think it’s good that I want it, because I think it would be good for me if I got it, even though I’m not sure I know why I want it.”

There. That was much clearer.

“What is it you want, Kelly?” Pam asked, and her voice was sweet and she sounded sincere and Kelly stopped hating her.

“I just want,” and it felt weird to say this, “It’s this thing with Toby. I can’t -- “ and she didn’t quite know how to finish her thought. Which was unlike her.

“Well, I’m still confused,” Jim said.

And something about the way he said it kind of irritated her. He seemed amused. Like he was just a few seconds away from smirking at a camera. Or with Pam. And that kind of goaded her into being clearer, into being way more direct. Wipe a smirk off a face.

She took a deep breath, made sure it was just the three of them in there and said, with no hesitation in her voice, “I don’t know why, but I just really, really want to have sex with Toby.”

Jim coughed. Pam looked away.

Okay maybe she could have been a little less direct.

“Kelly,” Pam said finally, looking at Jim for support. “I know you and Darryl just broke up. I don’t think Toby would be the best choice for a rebound guy.”

“He wouldn’t be. Darryl was my rebound guy. From Ryan. And I broke up with Darryl because I felt rebounded enough.”

Bringing up Ryan reminded her of something. How she had had Jim talk to Ryan for her. “Jim! You’ll talk to Toby, won’t you? Please?”

Jim looked really uncomfortable. “I don’t know, Kelly. I just don’t think --”

She didn’t really care what he thought. She stood up, grinning, and said, “Thanks Jim! You’re awesome!”

--

After Kelly left, Jim looked at Pam. “What just happened?”

“I’m not sure. But I think you just agreed to talk to Toby.”

“Which won’t be weird at all.”

“The whole thing is a little weird,” Pam said. “I wonder if she’s thought things through.”

“Don’t know,” he said. Then “Maybe it could work. She could cheer him up, he could calm her down. It might not be the worst idea ever.”

Pam considered this. “I guess stranger things have happened.”

Jim stood up. “Well, wish me luck.”

“Where are you going?”

He shook his head, not quite believing it himself, “I guess I’m going to go talk to Toby.”

---

They met after work for some beers. Jim hadn’t told him the reason for this little get together.

It was only after his second beer that he turned to Toby and said, “So I wanted to talk to you about something.”

“What’s that?” Toby asked. “Everything alright with you?”

“Yeah,” Jim said. “I wanted to talk to you about Kelly.”

Toby looked confused. “Kelly?”

“Has she seemed any different to you?”

Toby frowned. “Maybe a little. I know she and Darryl just broke up. Maybe that’s affecting her more than she’s letting on. I can talk to her tomorrow and see if she’s okay.”

“No, I don’t think that’s quite it.”

“What do you think?”

“Kelly…” Jim paused, taking another drink. How did he get into these situations? “Kelly has a little bit of a crush on you.”

“No she doesn’t.”

“Why do you think I’m here?” Jim asked. “She wanted me to talk to you. She has a crush on you.”

Toby shook his head. “Those were her exact words?”

“Well no,” Jim said. “I cleaned it up a little for you.”

Toby didn’t say anything, only took another drink. And another. And then another. Jim waited.

“But that doesn’t make any sense,” Toby said. “She’s so…”

Jim wondered how Toby would finish that sentence.

Young? Pretty? Immature? Annoying as hell?

Toby sighed. “Happy.”

Jim ordered them another round.

---

Kelly couldn’t sit still. She felt buzzed, manic almost. She was in the kitchen, the break room, socializing with people she didn’t usually socialize with. Eventually she forced herself to sit down at her desk, her concentration completely shot. Something was going to happen today. She could feel it.

Something happened about four-thirty. She had been flipping through a magazine, not able to process what she was reading, when Toby stuck his head over the cubicle.

“I think we should talk,” he said.

She couldn’t read his expression. Other than sad. But he almost always looked kind of sad.

“Okay. What do you want to talk about?”

He fidgeted, drumming his fingers against the top of his cubicle. “This might be better discussed somewhere else.”

She smiled. Something was going to happen. “Name the place.”

There was a small restaurant not too far from work. Walking distance. Perfect.

“Jim talked to you,” she said later that night, sitting across from him. The waitress came and she asked for a strawberry daiquiri, extra cherries.

“We don’t put cherries on a strawberry daiquiri,” the waitress said.

“I know,” Kelly said. “That’s why they’re extra.”

Waitress gone, Toby nodded. “Jim talked to me last night.”

“Cool.”

“Yeah,” he said. He looked away from her, then sighed. “I don’t know if I should be flattered or sit you down and discuss the company’s dating in the workplace policies.”

“Be totally flattered,” she said. “I look smoking hot right now.”

He stared at her for a minute looking bewildered and finally realized she was joking. “Sorry,” he said. “I’m not exactly familiar with this type of situation.”

“I am,” she said. “And don’t overthink things. Either we go out or we don‘t. But just to let you know I‘m kind of leaning toward the first option.”

“I’m too old for you,” he said.

“You‘re not,” she said. “And things like this happen all the time. Look at Michael Douglas and Catherine Zeta-Jones. And he’s like way older than you are.”

“Well, that’s true.”

“It’s not that big of a deal either. Lots of guys date younger women when they have a midlife crisis.”

“Best way to make a guy feel old and somewhat creepy is to start talking about his midlife crisis.”

“Sorry,” she said. “Look I’m starving. How about we eat now and discuss all serious topics later?”

He agreed and so they ate. And she talked. Lots. About everything. About nothing. She felt like she was auditioning for something.

Pick me. I’m funny and really cute. And have you noticed how great my boobs look in this blouse?

Actually she was pretty sure the answer to that last one was yes. Though he was very subtle about noticing. She gave him props for that.

And then about midway through the meal, something strange happened. She relaxed. Maybe it was her drink, maybe it was the company or the food, but she stopped auditioning, stopped talking a mile a minute and relaxed. It was nice. She talked more slowly, listened while he talked.

She was enjoying herself.

He was enjoying himself too. She could tell.

And then dinner was over. He paid the check and they walked outside. She wondered if she should say something, but he was the one who took the initiative.

“I’m not Ryan,” he finally said, as they walked slowly in the cold.

“I know,” she said. “You’re nice. Ryan turned out to be a total dick.”

“No, I mean, when you two dated… everyone knew when you were getting along, when you were fighting. I’m more private than that.”

She stuck her hands in her coat. Thought about this. “That’s okay. You’re mature and I’m getting there. If we were to get involved, we wouldn’t have to be so showy.”

“It’s just always dicey to get involved with a coworker. I’ve seen a lot of unhappy people. And it would be even more difficult for us, both because I’m HR and because we’re so isolated in the annex. I mean how horrible would it be to have a fight at home and come to work and have to sit right next to your girlfriend, even though you’re both still upset.”

Girlfriend?

“HR guys need love too,” she said lightly. When he didn’t respond, she continued. “Your way’s just one way of looking at it, Imagine being so into someone that working with them is just an added bonus. You‘d actually enjoy coming into work. And the total isolation thing could be romantic.”

“But what if you break up? Think how bad that would be sitting next to your ex.”

“Oh Toby,” she said. “Why are you such a pessimist?”

He stopped suddenly. “Because,” and his voice sounded really, really distant. “Life so often sucks.”

She wanted to cheer him up. To hug him. To do more than hug him. But that could wait - she had to straighten things out first.

“Here’s my idea,” she said. “I’m going to ask you a question or two. Just to see where you stand on a few things. And if you decide that you just want to be friends, that’s totally cool. I’m not going to go all psycho-stalker on you. Promise. So first question, we’re friends, right?”

They had reached her car. He nodded and rubbed his hands together. “Yes. We’re friends.”

“You don’t think I’m an idiot or a bitch or a horrible person or anything?”

“No,” he said. “I don’t.”

“So that’s good,” she said. “Are you just super un-attracted to me? Think I‘m a hideous cow or something? Someone who should wear a paper bag over her head at all times?”

The smallest smile began to form on his face. “Of course not. You‘re very pretty.”

Nice.

“And something happened at the Christmas party between us, right? When we kissed? I wasn’t the only one who felt that?”

“No,” he said after a moment‘s pause. “I definitely felt that too.”

“Good. I think you answered all my questions correctly.” She flashed him a wide smile. Now it was time to take some action.

“I don’t want to go clubbing,” he said.

“What?” That she had not expected. Where had that come from?

“Clubbing. I’ll probably never want to do that.”

She laughed, trying to break some of the tension she was suddenly feeling. “So we won’t go clubbing. No biggie. I’ll teach you the Shopping Cart somewhere else in private. But what about regular dancing? Like at a nice place - not a club or bar. Would you be into that?”

“Would I have to do the Shopping Cart? Because I don‘t really see myself doing that anywhere.”

She laughed again, taking his cold hands in hers, rubbing gently. “Nope.”

He looked at their hands for a second before looking back at her. “I might be convinced to go dancing.”

“Cool. And if you decide you don‘t want to go dancing either, that‘s cool too. I could go dancing with my friends if you don’t want to. It’s kind of like that book club thing you do with Oscar and Pam - that sounds horrible to me. I would never want to do something like that.”

“It’s not just a book club,” he said. “We have theme meals and wear costumes too.”

And she was so close. She could feel how close she was, how close this was. She smiled again and said, in as flirty a voice she could manage through her chattering teeth, “Toby, I’ll play dress up with you any time you want.”

The startled expression on his face when what she had said sunk in made her smile, more so when that expression faded into another one entirely and she knew it was happening even before his arms were tight around her waist and his mouth was on hers.

---

She made the decision not to sleep with him too soon. She had slept with Ryan really quickly, same with Darryl - and wondered if that had been part of the problem.

She waited until after their fifth reasonably successful date and they were in her apartment and partially undressed when she suddenly panicked. What was she doing? Was this the right thing? Or was it too weird?

And he picked up on it and watched her for a second. Waited.

The moment of panic passed. This was right. She wanted this. She pulled him closer and kissed him.

He seemed to have his own moment of panic later, when they were finished. He was lying next to her, silent, looking like a deer caught in the headlights.

Damn. She thought he had enjoyed it as much as she had.

“So,” she finally said. “You’re totally regretting that, huh?”

“No,” he said. “I was just wondering if you were.”

“Definitely not,” she said. She smiled and said in a snooty British accent “I bloody well enjoyed it.”

He laughed, sounding relieved. It wasn’t quite the happy duck laugh, but it still made her feel better. More confident that what they were doing was right.

She snuggled up close to him and closed her eyes.

This was right.

---

Only a few people knew at work. Pam and Jim obviously.

And Darryl. Darryl came up to the office for some paperwork for a new hire in the warehouse. He saw Toby and slapped him heartily on the back, surprising him. “Hey congratulations.”

“For what?”

Darryl grinned. “Best of luck. And God help you, man.”

--

Not much changed at work. She kept in mind what he had said about not being really showy and demonstrative there. And she understood it - that as an HR person he could really get in trouble. But she was still tempted.

There was one meeting they all went to and when, under Michael’s glare, Toby fumbled a little with what he was trying to say, Michael told everyone that obviously Toby couldn’t do anything right.

Oh she so wanted to say something, but she didn’t.

Instead she went back to her desk and typed up an email with the subject line: Twenty things Toby does right. She wondered if she should CC Michael.

But then she remembered number six on the list. Number fourteen. And number eighteen.

Some things should probably stay private.

She sent it to Toby and even though he reminded her that she shouldn’t send emails like that at work, she could tell he was pleased.

Every time she looked over at him that day, he was smiling.

---

Pam apologized to her in the restroom one day.

“For what?”

“What I said to you before about using Toby as your rebound guy. That wasn’t nice.”

Kelly shrugged. “It’s okay. I know it‘s kind of strange.” She stared at her reflection in the mirror, played with her hair. “Very strange.”

She knew she could say more, give lots of details - not just dirty kinds of details - but of how different she felt. How good she was feeling. Finally she smiled softly. “Strange, but I’m happy.” That was all she decided to say - another sign of how different she felt.

“He seems much happier too. It’s nice to see.”

That was sweet of Pam to say.

They should totally double date some time.

---

Toby had been right.

What he had said earlier about how weird things could be if they ever fought. Which was probably inevitable.

Not that it was a big fight or anything. Just she was very excited about something and wanted to share it with him first. And he was in the middle of some project for corporate and couldn’t really give her his full attention and asked, sounding a little frustrated, if they could talk about it later and she had been annoyed and stomped off to her cubicle.

It was stupid. She knew it was stupid and immature and bratty and the way she had been when she was with Ryan. And that’s not who she wanted to be anymore.

She remembered how they used to sit together, before his “allergy” to the desk.

She didn’t want him getting any more allergies.

She should just suck it up and apologize. So she wrote a note telling him she was sorry and that he looked really hot today. She crumpled it up into a ball and threw it over the cubicle wall.

“What’s this?” he asked. He sounded tired.

“Read it.”

A minute later he threw a similarly crumpled up note over to her side, She picked it up eagerly and straightened it out.

Apology accepted. And I’m sorry too. We’ll talk later. Promise.

And likewise.


She smiled at that last part. She was reasonably quiet the rest of the day, letting him work, and spent most of the day thinking of funny stories to tell him later.

His happy duck laugh in the restaurant that night made it totally worth it.

Even if the waitress thought he was choking.

--

“I think we should tell everyone at work that we’re kind of together,” she said.

She had wondered why he hadn’t said anything. She didn’t think he was ashamed of her or anything, but you never knew.

And he told her why. Because he worried about Michael saying something to her, for thinking less of her and treating her poorly because of him.

“You don’t think he really would do that?” she asked.

But it was Michael they were talking about. Maybe he would.

“Well at the very least we should sign the relationship document soon. Why haven‘t we done that yet?” she asked.

He shrugged and then said quietly, “I don’t know. I guess I just wanted to wait in case you changed your mind and just wanted to forget that it all happened.”

Toby, she thought to herself with affection, could be an idiot sometimes.

--

The next day Pam came to the annex carrying a bouquet of beautiful pale pink and purple flowers.

“Are those for me?” Kelly cried out.

“Yep,” Pam said. “They just came.”

She opened up the wide envelope, expecting a card. Instead there was a folded up piece of paper. The relationship document form. His signature already on it.

She squealed and signed it using her favorite purple pen, skipping over to his cubicle, wishing that he’d change his mind soon about public displays of affection.

--

That night, she walked out with Toby, carrying the bouquet.

“I love it,” she said again. “Thank you so much.”

“I hoped - “ and then he stopped when he realized Michael was walking toward them.

“So glad today’s over. Thank God It’s Friday, right?” Michael said as they all waited for the elevator. “TGIF. Am I right?”

“You’re so right,” Kelly said.

When they all got into the elevator, Michael commented on the flowers. “Those look expensive.”

“I’m sure they were,” she said. “And they’re gorgeous and pink and purple and I love them.”

“I bet some guy’s getting lucky tonight,” Michael said, inappropriately. As usual.

“You have no idea,” she said. “He won’t know what hit him.”

Michael started to say something, noticed the slightly dopey grin on Toby’s face and sneered, “What are you grinning at, pervball?”

Michael turned his back and Kelly looked at Toby, now looking a little embarrassed.

She didn’t like that. So she made a decision.

She smiled at Toby, grabbed his hand and cleared her throat loudly to get Michael’s attention.

The End


Steph is the author of 37 other stories.
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