Rose Tyler was stuck in a parking lot. Eight months she has been jumping through time, space and reality itself, but it was here, in a nearly abandoned parking lot at an ungodly hour of the morning in the middle of snowstorm, that her jumper decided to give out. As did her mobile. Because really, she sighed, what good is a working mobile in the middle of a crisis in an unknown universe?
She looked around, trying to make out her location, or at least the universe. She had been aiming for what she and Mickey had dubbed Groundhog World. Due to an unfortunate temporal loop, the entire planet spent two years stuck on January 12th, 2009. A mostly unremarkable day, but it had seemed wrong to leave the lot of them there like that, oblivious as stars flickered slowly on and off around them.
It had required a feather duster, a windmill and a giant set of cables to resolve the issue and she’d been promising a follow up visit with the UNIT intelligence team there ever since. (Although UNIT was called LNIT in Groundhog, seeing as how that world had stuck with the League of Nations. LNIT, not the best with acronyms, that universe).
Had Rose not been so absorbed in trying to come up with a better acronym for LNIT, she might have noticed a tall thin man crawling along the ground towards her, in a manner somewhere between a crab walk and leap frogging. Alas, Dwight Schrute is an excellent tracker and she remained oblivious until the moment he chose to pop out in front of her, as menacingly as possible considering he was on the ground, dirty, and brandishing numchucks.
“Oh, hello!” responded Rose, giving a little wave of her hand.
“Don’t wave at me. Who are you and why have you been standing in our parking lot for almost a half hour? I’m warning you, only the truth will be tolerated.”
‘Ah’, Rose thought, ‘That’s definitely an American accent.’ She opened her mouth to catch a snowflake on her tongue. It did not taste like almonds. So, likely America, but not on Groundhog. She frowned.
“Right. ‘Course. Would you mind standing up? You’re makin me a bit uncomfortable. Not to mention if you’re trying to intimidate me, you might not be going about it the best way, ya?”
Dwight frowned as he slowly stood up, taking two steps closer to Rose. “You are foreign.” He breathed out slowly, peering into her face.
“Well so are you, to me at least. Aren’t you?”
“You can’t trust the British. Or Blondes. Or Baltar.” Dwight answered, squinting his eyes in triumph. Rose raised her eyebrow and returned his gaze, trying to place him and his oddly familiar brand of insanity. It was right at the tip of her brain, which was unfortunately still reeling from the last jump.
Suddenly, realization dawned over Dwight’s face. “Unless…are you the stripper? Of course you are! A blonde wearing boots! Michael is going to love you. Well, you are early, which I appreciate, and still fully attired, which shows you have good sense. The agency did well. Although you should have identified yourself clearly, and I expect you to do so in the future. They didn’t tell me you would be foreign, but that explains why the background check was so difficult.”
“Pardon me? What?”
“We should head inside. You can settle in the conference room for now. Bob Vance’s party doesn’t begin until 2:30pm. You will need to be there from 2:45-3:15. Obviously we are not paying you for your time before that.”
“Right, obviously.” Rose nodded absentmindedly and looked down at her still silent jumper and her still dead mobile. She looked back up at the large building at the edge of the parking lot. It was cold and she was tired and she didn’t exactly have anywhere else to go. “Alright then, lead the way Mr...”
“Schrute. Dwight Schrute. Assistant Regional Manager, and the official security supervisor of this branch. Your name is?”
“Well done, you. Excellent job. I felt quite secure.”
Dwight pushed his glasses up the bridge of his nose, overflowing with smugness. “Yes, well, they won’t let me carry a weapon but I keep these in my car, along with a spare pepper spray and throwing stars. The enemy is almost always unexpected Miss…your name please?”
“Can you actually take someone down with these, um, fighting sticks? I’ve never seen it happen really. Looks a bit tough.”
“Miss, I’ll have you know, that I’ve been trained to handle eight different classes of weapons. I can break a man with a strategically placed paper cut.”
“Mmm, I’m sure that is a terrible way to go. Could we head inside now? It’s right freezing.”
As Dwight turned to lead the way into the office, a small blue car entered the lot. “Pam.” Dwight nodded approvingly, glancing at his watch. “She can keep an eye on you.” Rose squinted, trying to get a better view of the rather familiar looking young woman who had emerged from the car.
“You may ride the elevator with Pam. I prefer to take the stairs when there are more than two people. Safer. Elevators have a remarkably high rate of fatalities. You’re fifteen times more likely to get killed in an elevator than by rabies.”
Rose nodded mutely, playing with the zip on her jacket. Pam entered the lobby with a cautious and curious smile, looking back and forth between the two.
“Pamela, this is the stripper. You must keep an eye on her today, as she is British and I was unable to run a full background check. She could be anyone, so watch her like a hawk.”
He frowned at Rose. “Stripper, this is Pam. She is the receptionist here. She knows things, so behave accordingly. I’ll see you both upstairs.”
He slid the numchucks into the base of the potted plant by the door and walked backwards towards the stairwell, pointing his fingers at his eyes, then at the potted plant, and then back at the two girls.
“Nice, Dwight.” Pam mumbled, pressing the elevator button and offering Rose a hesitant smile. Rose burst out laughing. “I’m not really a stripper, it just seemed easier than fighting with him. I think he threatened to off me with a paper cut. Completely human, is he?”
Pam laughed as they stepped into the elevator. “Oh we still aren’t sure. Well good, good. I mean, it would have been fine if you were. A stripper, I mean. Sorry, there is a bachelor party here today and it has all gotten kind of out of hand. And, it’s 8:30am and I’ve just had to talk to Dwight before my first cup of caffeine.”
“Ya, I could definitely take a cup of tea right now.” Rose nodded and they smiled at each other.
“I’ve got some upstairs, and there’s coffee too. Or will be, when I make it. So, are you selling something?” Pam asked.
“Me? Nope. I’m just traveling through. I’m a bit lost. Quite lost, actually.” She frowned slightly, and they rode up the rest of the way in companionable silence.
Pam led the way into the office and set her bag down behind the reception desk, standing to unbutton her coat. She looked up to see Rose still waiting by the entrance, eyes sweeping across the office.
“Now this is weird. I mean I get déjà vu all the time, but I know I have seen this place before.”
“Alright Miss Stripper.” Dwight said, exiting the conference room. “It is all set for you. Wait in there for now. And do not under any circumstances touch the electronics”
“Dwight, she’s not the stripper. She’s just a lost passerby and I’m going to help her figure things out.” Rose gave Pam a warm smile.
“But she told me she was the stripper.”
“No, I did not. You inferred and I was cold.”
“But you are already in the office now! As a stranger. You were allowed in here under false pretenses. I let a stranger into the office.”
Pam rolled her eyes. “Technically Dwight, I let her into the office, so I think you’re safe.”
Dwight frowned while he considered that over. “Well I’ll have to check with Michael about letting you use the conference room. And now you’ll have to answer phones or something if you want to stay.”
Something about the name Michael clicked with Rose, and she looked up sharply. She took a large step closer to Dwight and stared at him, before switching her stare over to Pam, a huge smile breaking across her face.
“Oy! Of course! This is Dunder Mifflin, ya? Oh I love that show! I thought you both looked familiar but I couldn’t place it. Still adjusting when I met you downstairs. How odd is this? Dunder Mifflin PA, right here. Blimey, I used to have the theme song as my ringtone! Mickey’ll have a laugh. And you! Of course! Congratulations! Big wedding, right? So romantic the way you guys did it.”
Pam looked pained, and rather alarmed. “Um, I’m not married. Are you sure you are alright?”
“Oh... Woops? Um, wow look at the year –er, time. I’ll just be in there.” Rose gestured vaguely to the conference room behind her and made her escape, rubbing her forehead as she muttered. “Amateur…me…Spoilers!...Causal nexus…Stupid stupid ape...”
Dwight and Pam both watched her exit, for once wearing matching expressions of complete befuddlement.
***
Author's Chapter Notes:
So earlier this week while I was writing my angst-tastic fic about Rose from Doctor Who crossing universes, I kept coming up with really silly and inappropriate ideas for where she might get stuck. Clearly Dunder Mifflin was at the top of that list. A MILLION thanks to dmscranton for the amazingly quick and helpful beta. :D All mistakes are my own, as I'm a compulsive tweaker.
If you don't follow Doctor Who, what you need to know is that the Doctor travels through time and space. Rose was his lovely companion, until she got trapped in a parallel world. Their platonic/not really platonic friendship was Jim/Pam levels of epic. Basically you should just be watching it already. ;D
Disclaimer: No, I don't own this at all. Absolutely none of it. Nothing at all.
Chapter End Notes:
Any and all feedback appreciated. :D
