Author's Chapter Notes:
We're still at Epcot, friends. And let me say, some things in this chapter are a little cringe worthy, but NO OFFENSE is intended, to anyone; I think it's all in the spirit of the show...
At the tables near a neon mural of a rainstorm at the Electric Umbrella cafe, the group tucked into their meals. “So…countries next?” Michael asked around a mouthful of hamburger patty (the buns - or “vicious carbs,” as Michael had called them – sat neglected in his basket). Judy nodded.
“Yes – the World Showcase, as we call it,” she said after a sip of water.
“Okay, good. Great. I want all of you to pay attention – this will be a real learning experience,” Michael instructed his employees. “I know you’re not all as open-minded as me, but really, it wouldn’t hurt you to embrace the cultures of others.”
“You’re the one that always says awful things,” Phyllis reminded him. His face twisted and he glared at her.
“That is not true,” he argued loudly, then began to cough. In a flashback to the day before, Judy slapped him on the back a few times. “That is not true,” he said again, once his airway was clear. “I’m the one that is always welcoming to new people, and soaking up new experiences like a straw.” He gestured toward Kelly. “Whose idea was it to go to Indian Halloween?”
“You mean Diwali?” Pam asked.
“Whatev— yes, Diwali.”
“You prepared us for Diwali with the Kama Sutra,” Pam said.
“Really?” Jim asked her quietly, grinning. She gave him a nod and a grin back.
“Toby took our copies away,” Kevin told Jim sadly.
“Diwali was my idea,” Kelly replied simply, getting back to Michael’s question.
Michael shook his head. “Lie,” he said.
“It was my idea…and you aren’t sensitive at all, Michael. Remember when you started yelling all that, like, gibberish at me on Diversity Day?” Kelly reminded him, frowning. “Like a bad impression of some 7-Eleven guy.”
“Yes, and she understandably slapped you,” Jim tacked on for good measure.
“I was…making a point about stereotypes,” Michael defended himself.
“You called Martin a slave,” Kevin said.
“I did not! I just said-”
“Don’t forget what happened with the tech support guy – you thought he was a terrorist,” Oscar recalled, looking at his boss. Michael rolled his eyes.
“That was an honest mistake!”
“You said I probably stole from the warehouse,” Darryl said as he chewed a fry.
“And you’ve said all kinds of terrible things to Stanley,” Phyllis threw in.
“What?! I have not,” Michael spat.
Stanley gave him a slow once-over.
“And you called Toby a rapist,” Angela put forward.
Michael pointed at her. “That has nothing to do with this. Toby is white. I called him a rapist, and a jerk, and useless because he was an ass. It had nothing to do with the color of skin. I would’ve called him those things if he was black.” He stopped short. “You know what? I probably wouldn’t have, because had he been black he would have been so much cooler.” Michael shook his head again and sighed. “This is why today is such a great opportunity. All you guys do is focus on the bad stuff. Negative energy. Get over it and be positive. God.” He took a furious bite of his patty.
The camera swung to Judy, whose mouth hung open and her hand, holding her water bottle, was frozen midway to her mouth.
----
Judy: (tucked away in a quiet smoking area; looking petrified) Forget what I said earlier. I’ve gotta say that I’ve been dreading this portion of their trip anyway, and after hearing all that? (She shakes her head and takes a quick drag off her cigarette.) I know we have a code word, but this park, especially the World Showcase, is taken very seriously by the company. This park was Walt’s dream - his life-long dream - and I can’t be yelling ‘pooh’ every thirty seconds here. It’s pretty clear Michael’s based what little cultural awareness he has on horribly inaccurate cartoons and movies, and even that he confuses. (Judy now takes a long drag, and her eyes widen as she makes a realization.) He’s going to act like Godzilla in China…or Apu in Morocco…or the Swedish Chef in Norway…or all of them. I know it. (A pause as she sighs.) At least he thinks Monty Python is a person. I think that saves me from the lumberjack song in Canada. (She unenthusiastically waves a fist in the air.) Yay for little victories.
----
Michael looked up at the giant pyramid which towered before him. “Egypt?” he said, skeptical.
“Did the mariachi band tip you off?” Jim asked in a deadpan, gesturing to the twelve musicians playing to a small crowd near the railing for the World Showcase Lagoon.
“Oh…hey! Meh-hee-co!” Michael said, suddenly excited, and jogged over to join the musicians. The bystanders were clapping along, and Michael began shimmying to the beat in the center of the circle they had formed.
“El maestro de la baila!” the guitarist announced, smiling.
“Si! Yes!” Michael said, his dance increasing in energy and franticness. “Dance! So raw, so expressive! Every culture does it, uses it!” he told the camera, his voice strained. Perspiration began beading along his forehead. “Jim! Get Oscar!”
Jim looked around, as did the camera. Oscar was nowhere to be found.
“Join the dance, my Mexican friend!” Michael tried again.
Oscar still didn’t appear.
----
Oscar: (hidden on the wooded path into the replica of the Aztec Temple of Quetzalcoatl; irritated and speaking quietly, the music of the mariachis still audible in the background) Of course I’m hiding. Are you kidding me? Kelly’s safe; there’s no India pavilion. Stanley’s safe; there aren’t any pavilions for African nations. Toby may have had some concern if here was here, because I think ‘Flenderson’ is a Norwegian name, but Michael would never realize that anyway – Toby’d be safe unless Disney dedicated an attraction to divorce. I’m the only one who has to worry about this, whose heritage is on display. I’m staying as far out of Michael’s sight as I can ‘til we’re at least three countries away. I mean, come on – would you want to be associated with that? (He points back down the walk; Michael can be seen doing his own sweaty impersonation of a Mexican hat dance around a sombrero it seems he stole from the trumpeter and put on the ground. He can clearly be heard yelling, “Arriba! Andale!” The camera swings back to Oscar and he sighs.) I’m going inside.
----
“Okay, ready?” Judy asked the couple as she focused the camera. Jim and Pam nodded as they stood with their arms wrapped around each other under a wooden sign reading PLAZA DE LOS AMIGOS, and just before the flash illuminated the scene Jim turned his head slightly and planted a kiss on the top of Pam’s. Her smile widened and Judy snapped the picture.
“It turned out great,” she said, glancing at the digital display before she handed it back. She headed down the walkway as Jim and Pam turned to assess the view. Inside the temple was a typical Mexican marketplace, with carts selling brightly colored piñatas, painted pottery and other wares. The “sky” above them was a deep purple and stars were twinkling along with punched-tin lanterns.
“This is amazing,” Pam said, still smiling. Jim nodded his agreement. Pam looked back up at the sign above them. “‘Amigos,’ huh?”
“Well that’s where it all started, right?” Jim asked as they walked toward the marketplace.
“True.”
“And we’ll always be friends,” he continued.
“If you’re lucky.”
“And we get the benefits too.”
Pam smirked at him. “Thanks.”
He smiled back. “So, win-win-win,” he concluded.
“A few more benefits wouldn’t be a bad thing,” Pam mused, holding up her left hand and wiggling her fingers.
“Arthritis medication?” he guessed as he wandered over to a cart selling small ceramic animals, giving the camera the tiniest of jims.
“Not exactly.”
“Patience is a virtue, Señorita Beesly,” Jim said teasingly, his back to her.
Pam, following behind him, pursed her lips ever so slightly.
----
Outside the temple, Meredith and Kevin held their twin 20 ounzes of Dos Equis aloft. “To culture,” Meredith said, smiling. Kevin nodded and opened his mouth, then looked confused. He peeked at the cast member behind the counter.
“Salud,” he prompted him, smiling.
“Oh right. Sah-lood,” Kevin parroted, and went to tap his plastic glass against Meredith’s, encountering a problem when hers was already at her lips. With a shrug Kevin followed suit.
----
The next country to be featured in the World Showcase was Norway, and a beautiful replica of a stave church greeted the group as they arrived. Michael looked around. “Lovely,” he commented, then waved his arms haphazardly. “Or should I say ‘bork bork bork’?”
Judy looked at the camera knowingly, raising her eyebrows.
----
“What is this ride?” Dwight asked as he stood in line with Jim.
“It’s called the Maelstrom.”
“Ah. The Scandinavian word for whirlpool; it has a considerable downdraft,” Dwight replied.
Jim opened his mouth automatically to mock him, but shut it when he realized that Dwight hadn’t actually said anything mock-worthy. That fact clearly made him uncomfortable, because “Yeah,” was all he said back.
“Where is Pam?”
“I remembered this having a part that goes backward, so she decided not to ride.”
“Motion sickness is a form of weakness,” Dwight ruled.
“Punishable by death in some countries,” Jim quickly replied, seemingly relieved at the return to normalcy.
Dwight pondered that. “Possibly in Japan. I’ll ask someone.”
“Let me know what they say.”
“Will do. What else is on this ride?”
“All I remember are trolls, honestly.”
Dwight nodded. “Not surprising. They’re a common problem in Norwegian folklore.” There was a pause. “I wonder if Troy knows about this ride?”
Jim frowned. “Who’s Troy?”
“From Corporate?” Dwight held out a hand near his hip, clearly indicating Troy’s short stature.
“I thought Troy was a hobbit.”
Dwight shrugged. “Without a thorough examination I can’t be sure.”
Jim nodded sadly. “I hate that.”
----
Kevin and Meredith were at the counter of the Kringla Bakeri og Kafe. “What can I get for you?” a smiling blonde cast member wearing a nametag indicating she was Johanna from Oslo, Norway, asked the pair.
“Do you serve beer? I mean, cultural beer?” Kevin asked.
Johanna nodded. “Yes! We have Carlsburg,” she replied in a thick accent.
“We’ll take two,” he said, smiling.
“Three,” Meredith corrected. Johanna nodded and went to retrieve their beers.
“Oh!” Kevin said. Johanna turned back. “And a sweet pretzel,” he added.
“That will be a few minutes. We have some more in the oven; we just sold the last one.”
There was a soft chuckle and the camera turned to reveal Stanley at a small table, smiling around a mouthful of pretzel.
----
Michael: (standing in front of a building called the Chinese Hall of Prayer; looking solemn) We are now in China. Clearly a beautiful country, but plagued with problems. I’ve heard about the human rights debate on the news, and I know why it’s such a hot topic, as the ladies on The View might say. Human rights are extremely important, and while yeah, technology is great, we can’t forget the rights of humans just because robots make so many of your toys. I mean, that’s just wrong, you know? (Michael shrugs modestly, but his face betrays how pleased he is to have solved such a complex issue. During his pause a smile breaks out.) I know it’s June, but maybe I can get one of these people to sing ‘Jingle Bells.’ Have you seen A Christmas Story? Hilarious. “Fa ra ra ra ra, ra ra ra ra…” (He chuckles.) I make Ping do it every time he drops off my food.
----
The group was gathered around an outdoor platform, watching a skilled group of Chinese acrobats perform amazing feats. After a particularly impressive stunt, the crowd applauded, but Andy looked at Angela in confusion as she stood with her arms crossed.
“You didn’t think that was amazing?” he asked, sounding incredulous. She shrugged.
“It all seems rather showy. And the costumes are so tight.”
“Lighten up, Pumpkin,” Creed admonished her. Angela shot him a hateful look.
“Excuse me?”
“They’re good. You’re jealous. And a lady that can do that,” he began as he pointed to a young female performer flexing her leg behind her head, “is something any man would applaud.”
Angela looked to Andy as if expecting him to defend her, but he just shrugged. “Big Mung Bean has a point,” he said simply.
----
Creed: (standing near the water; nodding knowingly) Spent a lot of time all over the world in my years. Those girls from the Orient? (He winks.) Always the best.
----
Judy took the group past the area of the World Showcase devoted to Germany, explaining that they would have time to explore it later when they returned for dinner at the German restaurant, Biergarten. She paused when she noticed Meredith and Kevin wandering toward the Bavarian buildings.
“Where are you guys going?” she asked.
“To get a beer,” Meredith answered without stopping. Kevin did stop and nodded.
“But you already have beer,” Judy pointed out. Kevin glanced down at the half-empty bottle of Tsing Tao in his hand.
“We’re…learning,” he answered, moseying after Meredith.
“Okay,” Judy said to herself, then turned back to the group. “Guess we’ll just wait here for a minute.” She smiled at Dwight. “So? How does Germany look?”
Dwight shrugged, looking less than thrilled. “Could be better.”
----
Dwight: (standing near a statue of St. George and the dragon; his face registers his distaste) It’s as I expected – they focused only on the fairy-tale like design of southern Germany – Bavaria if you will. What would have been better? (His expression intensifies.) A pavilion dedicated to the harsh northern German landscapes, such as that found in the states of Mecklenburg-Vorpommern or Schleswig-Holstein, where my grandpa Manheim hails from. (He shakes his head sadly as a melancholy look replaces the rather scary one.) It’s just a shame he can’t come out of hiding and travel back there again.
----
A mock-up of St. Mark’s Square welcomed the group to the Italy pavilion. Judy informed them they would meet back up near the free-standing column adorned by St. Theodore in twenty minutes, after they had a chance to explore the shops. Pam looked around, then smiled up at Jim. “Where did you want to go first?” she asked. “Maybe find a quiet corner and sit down? There’s a really pretty fountain over there,” she said, pointing.
“Actually, why don’t you go check out the shops and I’ll meet up with you; I’m gonna go check on Kevin – I’m a little worried about the beer thing,” he told her, squeezing her hand and raising his eyebrows. She blinked and, an instant too late for it to look completely natural, put on a smile.
“Oh. Sure,” she replied. He gave her a quick kiss before he walked off. Pam reached for her necklace and glanced at the camera.
----
Jim found Kevin on a bench. “Hey man,” he greeted him.
“Oh, hey Jim.”
“Mind if I join you?” Jim asked. Kevin shook his head and so Jim did just that. “What’s up?”
“Nothing. Just bummed Italy doesn’t have a counter you can buy beer at. Meredith and me are on an international beer tour and we can’t get one to represent Italy. It sucks.”
Jim glanced at the camera, then looked to Kevin again. “Do you think it’s such a great idea to drink so much beer on such a hot day?” he asked Kevin, who shrugged.
“I’m trying to forget a woman,” he said resolutely. “That takes a lot of beer.”
Jim was quiet a moment, then nodded. “It can. Just…take it easy, okay?”
“I will.”
“Okay.” Jim clapped Kevin on the shoulder and stood. “Where is Meredith?”
Kevin pointed off to the right. “She went back to Germany. To make up for no beer in Italy.”
Jim nodded again. “Of course.”
----
Pam: (seated at the “really pretty fountain;” her hands are folded in front of her and she is clearly trying to look unfazed) Oh, I am patient. Yeah. I totally am, and I’m not trying to force Jim into anything. Really. I just thought it was really pretty here, and…like maybe, y’know, if he was trying to find a spot…well, there was that whole thing about Italian food that one time when he kissed me at work…about being passionate about it…it was a joke, y’know, just a silly thing…do you guys remember that? (It’s clear she gets an affirmative answer because her face falls just a little.) Yeah, that was a good day. (She forces a smile.) But that’s, like, your job, remembering that. And of course I’m a girl, so I remember that…I mean, maybe he doesn’t even want to…(Pam waves her hand and gives a laugh.) Wow, I am just rambling, huh? (She shrugs.) Jim can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants. Or not do, whatever he…doesn’t want…whatever. You know. I’m cool. And patient. (An uncomfortable pause and another forced grin. ) I think I’m gonna go find Phyllis. (Her eyes are lowered as she quickly leaves the shot.)
----
Jim: (near a sign for Tutto Italia restaurant; nodding) “I’m in love with Italian food…?” (He smiles in a way that makes it clear that remembering that statement is all the producer had mentioned.) Yeah, I remember that. Absolutely. It crossed my mind, but then I considered a certain…someone was also Italian. (He shrugs.) It seemed like dangerous territory. I have a plan. Don’t worry. (His eyes narrow a little but his smile remains.) Why’d you ask about that?
Chapter End Notes:
Also, as desperate as this sounds, I just started an LJ of my very own (welcome to 2003!), and if you'd like to know more about what goes through my head, or just want to say hi, check me out here. I'd love to hear from you! :)
