Judy: (near the breakfast buffet) Well, today we’re going to Epcot. It should be fun – it’s personally my favorite park, and yes, I’m aware that makes me a total dork. I’m okay with that. (Her grin widens. ) After our talk yesterday things did seem to go more smoothly with Michael. We had a fun night at the pool bar and really seem to be on better terms. I’m actually optimistic about today. (Her eyes narrow some. ) This is where someone probably says “famous last words,” right?
----
Stanley: (listens to someone off camera, then nods all too knowingly) Mm-hmm.
----
Michael: (at the bus stop, the rest of the group visible behind him) I think Judy and I are fine. We sealed our truce with booze last night, which makes it a binding contract in the business world. Plus we agreed on a code word, so when I get “inappropriate” (he uses sarcastic air quotes), or – more likely - she gets too clingy I can subtly let her know she needs to cool it without blurting out nonsense like Jan made me do in front of Christian. (He looks left and right, then lowers his voice. ) The code word is Pooh. (Michael chuckles. )
----
Judy: (her smile faltering) Yeah, not my first choice, especially since I have a feeling I’ll be using it somewhat regularly.
----
“So like I said at breakfast, this park is split into two distinct sections – one is called Future World, which focuses on science and technology, and the other is World Showcase, which is like a permanent world’s fair with several different nations represented,” Judy explained as she led the group to Epcot’s entrance.
Michael stepped up next to Judy as she led them toward Spaceship Earth. “We’re going in the giant golf ball?” Michael asked, looking upward.
“There’s actually a ride in here,” Judy said.
“A golf ride?”
“No. It’s a…it’s just a ride.”
“Tiger-Tiger-Tiger Woods, y’all!” Michael quoted, badly.
Judy sighed, but kept a small smile. “This isn’t a golf ball.”
Michael gave a skeptical look to the camera, but decided not to pursue the guide’s ignorance. “So we’ll be soaking in the culture today, you said?” he asked instead.
“Absolutely.”
Michael breathed deeply, satisfied. “Interesting. You know I have employees from a variety of different backgrounds. Really gives the office some spice.”
“That’s great. Many of the cast members in the World Showcase are from the countries-”
“And I’ve hosted many cultural events to open the eyes of my less-different employees – you know, all the…plain white ones,” Michael continued. Judy glanced at the camera, then nodded.
“Well, learning is important,” she said, seemingly at a loss for anything else.
“I agree. Has anyone told you about the group I started – Diversity Tomorrow?”
“Um, actually no.”
As Michael regaled Judy with tales of his (widely considered disastrous) “diversity day” activities, the camera panned back to catch a delighted smile forming on Dwight’s face. “Wunderbar!” he exclaimed.
“What?” Jim asked.
Dwight pointed as his map. “There’s a pavilion devoted to Germany here,” he stated.
“Yeah…I remember that from last time I was here. It’s actually pretty cool,” Jim said.
Dwight gave him a look. “Obviously.” Dwight then looked thoughtful. “I wonder if there will be strudel-making demonstrations. Or perhaps an early twentieth century history lesson, debunking rumors and myths.”
Jim jimmed. “One can only hope.”
“We’re actually having dinner at the restaurant there,” Pam told Dwight. He raised his eyebrows.
“Do they serve schnitzel?”
“It’s a buffet. I think they serve everything.”
“Excellent.” He sped up to join Michael and no doubt share the news. Pam noticed Jim’s strange look.
“Why are we eating there?” he asked.
Pam shrugged. “I thought it would cheer him up, after everything that happened at Toby’s party,” she explained, only meeting his eyes briefly.
There was a short pause.
“That was nice of you,” Jim said, a little awkwardly as he looked around.
“Thanks.”
Another pause.
“And seeing Dwight in the Disneyfied land of his forefathers…it’s got potential,” Jim said, sending a hesitant grin her way.
Pam returned the gesture somewhat, now looking at him. “I thought so too.”
----
After Spaceship Earth the group headed left, stopping first at a huge, mirrored building with rainbow panels along the side and the title The Universe of Energy orbiting a sphere that rose out of the fountain out front. Judy explained the general premise of the attraction inside, pointing out that during the highlight of the ride they would get an up close and personal look at the original source of fossil fuel.
“Fossils?” Kevin guessed. Judy nodded.
“Yes, but fossils before they became fossils.” She raised her eyebrows.
“…Dinosaurs?” Kevin guessed again. Judy nodded again and Kevin started to grin, but quickly stifled it.
A few steps behind him, Angela scowled.
----
Kevin: (in front of the fountain at the entrance; somberly) I don’t want to give her the wrong impression. I’m not down with O.P.P.
----
Angela: (in front of the same fountain; looking exasperated) Why is this place so infatuated with dinosaurs, especially when they can’t even get the timeframe correct? (She listened to a question from off-camera and rolls her eyes. She explains as if talking to a toddler) They co-existed with man, and are supposed to be called ‘Jesus horses.’
----
The ride – Ellen’s Energy Adventure - began with a movie. Ellen DeGeneres told of a dream she had of being on Jeopardy! , but all the categories dealt with energy, a subject about which she knew little. The fact that she was also playing against Albert Einstein made winning even less likely. (When Alex Trebek entered, Michael’s “Oh great, this guy” was unmistakable, as was a soft “Pooh” from Judy.) Thankfully upon awakening, Ellen’s neighbor – the one and only Bill Nye the Science Guy – promised to teach her all there was to know about the subject.
The camera didn’t miss Dwight’s look of surprise and delight when he saw this “pillar of the science community” again. However, as the slow-moving ride vehicles moved the audience into a scene from prehistoric times, complete with huge audio-animatronic dinosaurs, his face melted into a look of what appeared to be worry and possibly fear. Each roar and squawk elicted a jump from him, and once he looked ready to leap from the car altogether.
When the camera managed to cut to Jim for a moment, his face was a mask of pure delight.
----
Upon exiting Dwight pushed several of his coworkers out of the way to get to Judy. She was talking with Phyllis, but Dwight wedged his way between them. “I do not appreciate you endangering our lives in that way, especially if I’m not allowed to bring in anything with which to defend my fellow office workers,” he told her, his tone angry.
“I’m…I’m sorry?” Judy stammered.
“Fact: there were several species of carnivorous dinosaurs in there that could have turned on any or all of us at a moment’s notice.”
Judy blinked. “They…those dinosaurs were fake,” she told Dwight, the concern for his loose grip on reality evident in her voice. Dwight rolled his eyes.
“I realize that they weren’t living dinosaurs-”
“This time,” Jim added, smirking from behind the pair.
“-but they were even more dangerous,” Dwight continued, then paused for effect. “They were robots. They could turn on us at any time.”
Judy stared at him a long moment. “We refer to them as audio-animatronics, and they’re perfectly safe. They’re operated from a control room, and they’re bolted to the floor,” she assured Dwight. He returned her stare viciously, then shook his head.
“Idiot,” he muttered as he wandered away.
----
Dwight: (standing in front of a fountain mid-park; miffed) What kind of explanation is that? Hasn’t she ever seen Westworld?
----
Jim: (at a refreshments kiosk, grinning) I haven’t seen Westworld, but I have seen it parodied on an episode of The Simpsons. (He holds up his camera, his smile growing. ) I feel completely safe.
----
Judy took the group to an attraction called Test Track next, mysteriously saving something called Mission: SPACE until “later.” Everyone boarded a car, save Angela, and Andy, despite appearing desperate to check it out. They sat together on a bench and looked at a map of the park, and the cameraman stood a good distance away as he filmed them.
“I wonder what Michael will have us do today,” he said as he perused.
“You aren’t supposed to question what…Michael will do,” Angela scolded, rushing the second half of her response. Andy’s face twisted.
“I wasn’t questioning Michael, I was just…never mind.”
“What?” Angela demanded.
“I said never mind,” he stated.
“If you’re upset about that silly ride then go get in line. I just don’t enjoy…” she waved her hand vaguely, “unnecessary exhilaration.”
“I’m not upset about the ride,” he said, then tacked on a quiet, “and no kidding.”
“What?” she repeated, a little more forcefully.
Andy frowned at her momentarily, but soon his face simply registered confusion. “I just wish I got you sometimes.” He then forced a smile. “Thank goodness I have the rest of our lives to figure you out, huh?”
Angela scratched at her knee. “Mm-hmm,” she replied, a little absently.
Andy put an arm around her. “Best challenge I’ll ever conquer,” he told her winningly, and she smiled some. He squeezed her shoulders. “In every way,” he added, in a way that was more than slightly suggestive. He turned back to his map in time to miss Angela’s smile make a hasty departure. “Whatever we do, I just hope it isn’t something spinny,” he continued, half to himself. “A few too many drunken dizzy bat races at Cornell ruined that for the ol’ Nard Dog’s stomach.”
Angela said nothing verbally, but her raised eyebrow contributed its two cents’ worth.
----
After riding Test Track the group headed across the walkway to the west side of Future World. Pam caught sight of the giant glass pyramids and pointed excitedly.
“Oh, that’s my favorite!” she gushed.
“What is it?” Phyllis asked Judy. Judy held out a hand to Pam, grinning.
“Ask the expert.”
Pam grinned. “Imagination! It’s got the ride with Figment.” She turned her smile upwards toward Jim. “It’s my favorite.”
Jim smiled back. “I know.”
“Like, favorite thing of all.”
“I know.”
Pam eyed him critically. “No exaggeration. It’s my favorite ride of any, at all of the parks. Since I was a little kid.”
Jim chuckled. “Yes, I know.”
Pam studied him for a moment as he continued to smile, then flashed her own wide-eyed grin at the camera as they headed inside.
----
Jim: (in front of the Imagination pavilion, grinning and shaking his head) Yes, I did know that already. And no, this isn’t in my plan.
----
Pam: (at the ride’s exit; still smiling, but her eyes keep darting away from the camera) Yeah, it was still great. (A pause. ) Nothing special- or, ah, I mean different from last time but…you know. Yeah. Still really fun. (She nods a little too vigorously.)
----
The Scranton branch all opted to ride Journey Into Imagination With Figment (and unanimously voted to skip an attraction called Honey, I Shrunk The Audience). As they exited Michael was nodding in approval.
“That was pretty fun,” he observed.
Pam smiled. “It was, wasn’t it?”
“I bet Figment really hated when Barney came along and ruined the awesomeness that once was purple animals,” Jim joked. Pam nodded, her smile not quite as big as it had been a second or two earlier. Jim glanced at her as if waiting for a bigger reaction but a confused jim was shared with the camera when he got none.
“The guy that played the doctor was from something, though, and I can’t remember what,” Michael stated.
“Monty Python?” Jim supplied.
“No, that’s not his name.”
Jim sighed. “Eric Idle?”
Michael snapped his fingers. “That’s it…but what’s he from?” He thought for a moment as Jim smirked. “A Fish Called Wanda?” Michael wondered aloud.
“Close,” Jim said.
Michael pointed suddenly. “Wait! I know, I know. He’s Mr. Bean!” He chuckled, delighted by his discovery.
Jim nodded. “Yes. There it is.”
Michael smiled at the camera. “I knew I’d get it.”
----
After the Imagination pavilion Judy took her group to The Land. “There are two great attractions here. Well, there are three attractions, but two are – in my opinion – not to be missed. One is a boat ride through our greenhouses called Living With The Land; the other is an amazing new addition called Soarin’. I’ll let that one be a surprise,” she promised.
They headed first for Soarin’. The line was long but moved quickly; soon enough they reached the end of the queue and were ready to board. They filed into an empty row of seats, and Michael looked upset upon spotting Kevin in the seat to his left and Phyllis on his right. “Does this thing go up in the air?” Michael asked, leaning around Kevin to address Judy a few seats away. She nodded at him and he immediately unbuckled his safety belt and started getting out of his seat.
“Sir, we’ll need you to sit back down,” a friendly attendant said, drawing closer.
“Just a second. Dwight, switch seats with me.”
Dwight moved to unbuckle his belt but Judy placed a firm hand over his. “No, Michael, just take a seat,” she instructed.
“I will. I’m going to take Dwight’s seat,” he told her.
“Sir, please, we’d like to start the ride and we need you fastened in first.”
“I’m not fastening myself in there,” he said testily, gesturing towards the now-empty seat between Phyllis and Kevin.
“Michael, please,” Judy said quietly.
“Judy, no. I’m not…” He glanced at the camera, then his two abandoned employees, before leaning toward her. “I’m not putting myself between those two,” he said, his voice dropping to an exaggerated whisper at the end. “Those two” both frowned.
“Michael, you’ll be fine,” Judy stressed. Michael slapped a structural piece above her head.
“I don’t even know how strong this is-”
“Um, sir, you seat…?”
“Michael-”
“It could snap like a twig-”
“Michael.”
The attendant looked helpless. “Sir?” she repeated weakly.
Michael’s eyebrows went up. “I’m too important to risk endangering like that,” he continued.
Dwight nodded soberly. “He’s right,” he agreed, and started unbuckling his seatbelt again. Judy’s hand, formerly resting atop Dwight’s, now clamped around his like a vise. He winced slightly.
“Stop,” she said in her frightening tone. Dwight’s eyes flitted downward and stared at her hand in surprise. She looked back to Michael. “Michael,” she repeated in that fierce whisper.
“Judy, I’m sorry, but I won’t-”
“Pooh,” she said, her voice deathly quiet and her eyes full of fire. Michael’s mouth hung open. He stood motionless for a second, then wordlessly returned to his seat. Phyllis was hiding her face behind her hand, but once he was buckled in she glared at Michael. “Thanks for that,” she murmured.
The seats began ascending in front of a giant screen. “Shu-- just sit still,” he said under his breath, sending a nervous look at the camera.
----
Once the group had finished soaring over the beautiful and varied landscape of California, most of them headed to the north side of the pavilion to board small boats that were the mode of transport for an attraction called Living With The Land. “This is the greenhouse tour, correct?” Dwight drilled Judy as they settled in to the bench-style seating aboard the boat.
“Yes it is. Do you enjoy gardening?” she asked. Dwight scoffed at her.
“Gardening is for pleasure. It’s a hobby. I am a farmer. The land is my life.”
“You’re a farmer?” Judy repeated, looking surprised.
Dwight nodded. “My cousin Mose and I run Schrute Farms. Our primary crop is beets.”
“Wow. That’s really cool, Dwight. I’ve never met a beet farmer.”
“Not surprising. Farmers hardly have the luxury of leaving their work to take frivolous vacations to cushy resorts like this. Thankfully, I could get away and leave Mose to tend the fields.”
“That is lucky,” Judy said.
Dwight was quiet a moment as the boat began to move, taking them first past scenes of various biomes – the tropics, the desert, prairies. As the first greenhouse loomed ahead Judy turned to Dwight. “We use all kinds of new, experimental techniques here,” she explained. “There’s a behind-the-scenes tour I could arrange for you to take if-”
But Dwight held up a hand. “I’m not interested in ‘new’ and ‘experimental.’ The Schrutes have grown and harvested beets the same way for generations. I would never dishonor my family by changing our tradition with something I learned at an amusement park,” he said resolutely.v
Judy’s response was a wide-eyed blink.
“Do you grow beets here?”
“Um…you know what? I don’t think so.”
Dwight turned to give the camera a disgusted look.
The trip continued in silence until the boat reached a greenhouse where a pile of pumpkins labeled Cinderella Pumpkins was topped with a particularly interesting one. The automated voice explained that these had been grown in special molds. Judy jumped as she felt Kelly grip her shoulders tightly from behind. Her shrill excitement drowned out the narration.
“Omigod! Omigod, Judy, I have to get one of those Mickey pumpkins! They’re shaped like Mickey! Aaah! I’m dying of their cuteness! Omigod, they are the cutest! Things! Ever! Where can I get one?”
----
Kelly: (at the ride’s exit; arms folded tightly and disbelief dripping from her words) Um, Judy said those pumpkins weren’t for sale. I offered her, like, so much money and she just kept saying I couldn’t buy one. (She shakes her head. ) Something you can’t buy? That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard.
----
After The Land it only made sense that the group headed to The Seas – not just metaphorically, but because it was the last unvisited pavilion on the west side of Future World. “This pavilion underwent a refurbishment in 2004,” Judy explained, pausing as she walked backwards toward the entrance. “It used to be known as The Living Seas, but with the popularity of a certain ocean-centric movie-” she held out a hand to the garden on the group’s left featuring sculptures of Nemo, Marlin, Dory and the rest of the Finding Nemo cast of characters, “-the Imagineers decided to use that movie’s characters to retheme the outdated pavilion.” She continued walking and explaining.
The camera swung back to reveal Stanley standing still, staring at the garden for a long moment before shaking his head and slowly following after his coworkers.
----
Stanley: (in front of a giant tank featuring tropical sea creatures, frowning) I do not understand the appeal of that little fish.
----
“This attraction is so cool,” Judy said as the group stood gathered outside a theater with a sign reading Turtle Talk with Crush. “It’s completely interactive. Crush – who, for those that don’t know, is the giant turtle who teaches Marlin and Dory about riding the East Australian Current in the movie – will actually talk with you and answer your questions.”
“How?” Pam asked, then laughed as she and Judy said in unison, “Disney magic.”
“Pooh,” Michael spat, earning the disparaging look of a mother standing near him with her two young children. Meanwhile Dwight sidled up next to Andy.
“This will be our third challenge,” he said quietly, his face alarmingly close to Andy’s ear. Andy jumped, then looked at Dwight.
“Talking to a cartoon turtle?” Andy asked.
“Stumping a cartoon turtle,” Dwight corrected. Andy nodded.
“Should be no problem for a highly educated guy…and hmm, which of us is that?” he wondered, smirking.
“Ugh, ugh, Cornell,” Dwight sneered as they entered the now-empty theater and took seats on the floor up front.
A few minutes later the lights dimmed, the screen in front of them became a cool, blue expanse of ocean and out swam Crush. He offered a “bodacious” welcome to his audience then asked if anyone had any questions for him. Like two hyperactive children Dwight and Andy thrust their hands in the air, waving them urgently. “Um, okay, let’s start with the weird dude up front, with the gnarly glasses,” Crush said, seemingly looking at Dwight.
Dwight’s expression soured for an instant, but then he grunted a triumphant “ha!” in Andy’s direction and leapt to his feet. “Turtle.” He paused, and from the look on his face it was clear he hadn’t formulated a question yet. “What…is…algae?” he finally produced.
“Well, algae is that grody green stuff that grows in water that little fish dudes totally love chowing down on,” Crush explained. “Awesome question, dude.”
Dwight looked flustered. “That was in no way a scientific answer,” he argued.
“True, true – but let’s ask everyone else: was that a radical enough answer for you guys?” Crush asked, surveying the audience. They cheered and Crush twirled through the water happily. “Excellent! Who’s next?”
Andy was now the one that looked pleased as he stood, without waiting to be called upon.
“Whoa, eager dude!” Crush laughed.
“That’s how I roll,” Andy said smugly. “My question is…” He glanced around nervously, then smiled again. “How many…drops of water are there…in…the…ocean?” he asked slowly.
“Oh man! That is a tough call, dude…I’m totally sure that there are way more drops of water than an old surfer like me could count,” Crush answered.
“So are you saying you don’t know?”
“I know there’s enough, dude!”
Crush and the audience laughed good-naturedly and Andy took a seat. “Totally stumped him,” Andy whispered to Dwight. He frowned and threw his hand back up.
“Whoa, glasses dude, let’s let some of our smaller friends ask some questions,” Crush said. Dwight lowered his hand and stole a glance at Angela.
She didn’t look back and her face was unreadable.
----
Andy: (outside The Seas, still grinning like a champion) Nailed it. Never eff with a Cornell grad.
----
Dwight (in front of the Elecric Umbrella Café, where inside some of his coworkers are standing in line; his expression is hard) A few years ago, Mose asked if he could have an aquarium. Knowing that he was not responsible enough to maintain such a large responsibility, I hooked up a DVD player to an old TV we had been storing in the barn and put Finding Nemo on repeat day and night. Mose loves it. I don’t think he knows the difference between the setup I rigged and a real aquarium. (He pauses and shakes his head.) It may break his heart, but I’m taking a katana to that DVD when I get home.
----
Meredith stood next to Kevin in line at the café. “What’s the matter?” she asked after noticing his glum expression.
He shrugged. “Nothing.”
“C’mon, Kev. You can tell me.”
“I’m still kinda bummed that Judy’s married,” he sighed. There was a pause. “Plus Michael called me fat. Again.”
“I’m sorry,” Meredith said. Her face lit up. “I have a great idea.”
“What?” Kevin asked.
“Well, after lunch we’re heading to all those countries, right?”
“Right…”
She gave him a friendly swat. “You and me – international beer tour!”
Kevin looked confused. “What do you mean?”
“We’ll sample a different beer in every country. It’ll be a real…cultural experience, and by the end you’ll forget all about Judy!” Meredith smiled encouragingly. Kevin thought for a moment, then smiled too.
“Okay. That sounds fun,” he finally agreed. Meredith held up a hand for a high five and Kevin obliged.
----
Kevin: (standing a few feet away from the table, smiling) That was nice of her. (He begins pumping his fist lightly, chanting.) Be-er, be-er, be-er…
----
Meredith: (holding a tray; smiling) I was gonna do that anyway, but hey, the more the merrier.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Back on vacation, but today we're in Epcot...starting with Future World, of course! Enjoy!
Chapter End Notes:
Check out Kelly's pumpkins! To. Die. For. I swear, we were there last October and it took all I had not to wheel my chair off the boat and steal one. Or many.
Also, can I just say your reviews are better than Mickey ice cream bars? Totally are, y'all. :)
Also, can I just say your reviews are better than Mickey ice cream bars? Totally are, y'all. :)
