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Act Three and the tag are coming very soon! Feedback is greatly appreciated, so please let me know what you think...

INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE – D2

Michael is sitting at his desk. DWIGHT is behind him and to his right, leaning against the far wall.

MICHAEL
I ... am all finished. Had to make a few rough drafts first, but...

The camera COMES AROUND the side of Michael’s desk to view his computer screen. Dwight leans forward and DRUMROLLS his fingers on the top of the desk.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Ta-daaa. Babes of Scranton, may I present to you ... Michael Scott.

He turns the volume knob on the computer speakers. Paper Planes by M.I.A. begins to PLAY.

M.I.A. (V.O.)
(from speakers)
I fly like paper, get high like planes / If you catch me at the border, I got visas in my name.

MICHAEL
Exhibit one. Song choice is crucial. I heard this on the trailer for that movie with the guy from Knocked Up and that other guy from that movie with Tyrese.

DWIGHT
Annapolis.

MICHAEL
Whatever. Paper Planes. Paper. Planes. Is that a perfect song about a manager of a paper company or what? A manager of a paper company who also just so happens to be very a very worldly guy. Fly. Like. Planes. Perfect.

DWIGHT
Nice.

MICHAEL
Step two: You have to have the right interests.

ZOOM IN on the “Interests” section of the page (click to see the image). It reads: “General: Having fun, hangin with my crew, being pretty much the World’s Best Boss, shooting hoops, magic (but I’m good at it -- the opposite of Jobe from Arrested Development haha), being sensitive to women, Sandals, playing Texas Hold Em / Music: Too much to name. Except NO COUNTRY! / Movies: Die Hard 1 to Whenever They Stop Making Die Hard Movies, Harold and Kumar / Television: Don’t watch a whole lot of TV. / Books: Anything by Suze Orman / Heroes: Bob Hope, Abraham Lincoln, Bono, God, the dad from Friday Night Lights (the TV show, not the movie)”

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
It’s all about being truthful. But also exaggerating, too. Kind of like on your résumé. Like, okay, favorite TV shows. I put, “Don’t watch a whole lot of TV.” Women love that sort of thing. But also, Jan threw a Dundie through my awesome plasma. So now I only can watch TV in my bedroom.

DWIGHT
You should probably get that fixed, though. It’s been almost a year.

Michael shoots him a look that says, “Let’s stick to the important things here.”

MICHAEL
I don’t know anyone on MySpace yet, but give it a day or two and the friendships are gonna start pouring in. If they’re lucky, they’ll get in my top eight.
(attempting to impersonate Charles Barkley)
Are you in my top eight? Kuncklehead.

He laughs at his own subpar impersonation. The camera ZOOMS IN on the “Top 8 Friends” section of the page. He does have one friend. It’s Tom.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Oh, yup. Wait. I do have one friend. Someone named Tom. Hmm. Guess word’s already getting around.

Dwight nods his head up and down confidently.

 

INT. BREAK ROOM – D2

SPY SHOT: Jim is sitting alone at one of the tables, drinking a GRAPE SODA. Pam enters.

PAM
Hey.

JIM
Hey yourself.

Pam gets a CANDY BAR out of the vending machine.

PAM
(sitting down next to Jim)
So, listen. It’s not a big deal at all, but I just wanted to say something before it got weird or anything.

JIM
Hah. We could’ve used that logic, like, two years ago.

Pam smiles lovingly.

PAM
No, but you know Kaitlin? The girl who’s interviewing today? I think she sort of has a crush on you.

JIM
(deadpan, with his mouth full)
Can you blame her?

Pam sarcastically punches Jim in the arm.

PAM
I’m just saying, she told me she thought you were cute and she was kind of talking about you and before I had a chance to explain, Holly walked in. So I couldn’t tell her. Sooo, can you just slip it into conversation casually if she, you know, gets hired?

JIM
(fake begrudgingly)
I guess.

Pam quickly kisses Jim on the lips. He smiles. She exits.

 

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD – MICHAEL’S OFFICE

MICHAEL
After I set up my profile, I decided to check out some of our new-hire candidates. Kaitlin? Wow. Impressive. A: Went to the Bahamas one year for spring break. Probably Sandals. So, great taste there. B: Favorite music. She put, “All Along the Watchtower comma Bob Dylan.” Two excellent choices. Although I have say–
(pretending each hand is part of a scale)
–Dave Matthews, up here. Bob Dylan, sort of more down here.

 

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – D2

SPY SHOT: Holly and Kaitlin are sitting alone on opposite sides of the CONFERENCE TABLE. Several PAPERS are strewn about in front of Holly. Kaitlin’s PORTFOLIO is open. She is holding a PEN. They are in mid-conversation.

HOLLY
(laughing)
... I know. I know. That’s just what happens sometimes. All right, so here’s another question: We’re creating this position because we need to tap into potential client markets that we might have overlooked in the past or that we might not have had access to. So, if you were hired, how would you go about establishing yourself in your first few weeks on the job?

Long beat, as Kaitlin thinks.

KAITLIN
Well, I think there are a few important steps you have to take in a situation like this. The first thing I’d do–

Just then, Michael bursts through the door like a little kid who just got home from a half-day at school. The camera FOLLOWS him into the conference room.

MICHAEL
(exaggerated, gossipy)
Soo, how’s it going? What’s the dish? What’s the latest dish on the 411?

HOLLY
(to Kaitlin)
I guess now’s as good a time as any to introduce you to our regional manager, Michael Scott. Who apparently is in high school.

MICHAEL
You know what? That is exactly what the girl at Costco said to me last weekend.
(to Kaitlin)
Funny story: So I walk up to the checkout and I put my Mike’s and Sour Patch Kids down on the counter–

KAITLIN
Wait, sorry. Mike’s?

MICHAEL
Mike’s Hard Lemonade.

Kaitlin nods. The looks on her face says, “That’s not particularly surprising.”

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
So anyway, I put my stuff down and the checkout girl goes, “You must be in high school, huh?” And I was like, “Wow! I am so flattered you said that. But no, I’m actually a successful corporate professional.” And she said, “No way.” She couldn’t believe it.

He laughs. Kaitlin smiles politely.

KAITLIN
Well, it’s very nice to meet you, Mr. Scott.

She shakes Michael’s hand.

MICHAEL
(turned to the camera)
Even more charming in person.

KAITLIN
What do you mean?

MICHAEL
(catching his slip-up)
Uh, charming. You’re a very charming person.

He flashes an extraordinarily awkward half-smile.

HOLLY
Okay, well, thank you, Michael. Good to see you.

Michael has no idea what to say. He exits the conference room under an awkward silence.

 

INT. BREAK ROOM – D2

Kevin and Andy are sitting at one table, talking. Meredith, Phyllis, Oscar and Kelly are sitting at the other table, eating LUNCH. Meredith is sipping loudly from a SLURPEE CUP.

OSCAR
... maybe, and this might just be a crazy thought on my part, she isn’t interested in either of you.

Kevin and Andy shake their heads dismissively.

KEVIN
She is obviously interested in one of us. Why do you think she was talking to us for, like, ten minutes?

OSCAR
It was more like five minutes.

PHYLLIS
Four and a half.

MEREDITH
(to Kevin and Andy)
You are both [BLEEP]s.

Everyone looks at one another, startled.

MEREDITH (CONT’D)
Just flip a coin and whoever wins, go up to her and tell her you want to
[BLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP] in your car. Trust me. It works every time.

Long beat. No one has any clue whatsoever about what to say.

KELLY
(just so someone will break the silence)
I liked her outfit. Ohmygod, guys, it was so cute. Right?

ANDY
Bow-chick-a-bow-wow.

Kevin smiles and nods along immaturely.

 

KELLY TALKING HEAD – ANNEX – KELLYS DESK

KELLY
No. I would never do that.

Beat.

KELLY (CONT’D)
Maybe.

 

INT. OFFICE – OUTSIDE CONFERENCE ROOM – D2

Michael is peeking through the window of the conference room. PUSH PAST him to see Holly and Kaitlin standing up. Michael jumps away from the window so they won’t realize he’s been peeking in. The door opens and Holly and Kaitlin exit.

MICHAEL
(to the entire office)
Attention everybody. Attention. I have a very special announcement to make.

Everyone but Dwight looks at one another with a mix of uncertainty and “this ought to be good.” Dwight’s stare remains fixed rigidly on Michael.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Kaitlin. Young Mrs. Kaitlin...

He turns to Kaitlin.

KAITLIN
(quietly)
Casey.

MICHAEL
Right, right. Of course.
(echoing like a loudspeaker)
Mrs. Kaitlin Casey, Casey, Casey, Casey is the newest member, member, member, member of the Scranton branch, branch, branch, branch of Dunder Mifflin, Mifflin, Mifflin, Mifflin.

Everyone except Dwight and Holly smiles and offers phrases of congratulations.

ANDY
(loudly)
Congratulations, m’lady.

HOLLY
(to Kaitlin, trying to mask her surprise)
Congratulations, Kaitlin.
(to Michael)
Michael, can I talk to you for a sec?

Michael smiles nervously at the camera.

 

INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE – D2

HOLLY
Michael, you know you can’t just do that. We didn’t even interview anyone else. You didn’t even interview her.

Michael glances knowingly at the camera.

MICHAEL
But I did, in a way.

HOLLY
What?

Just then, Dwight bursts through the door.

MICHAEL
This is a meeting, Dwight. An important meeting. You can’t just come in here–

DWIGHT
That’s what she said.

HOLLY
(smiling)
Nice.

DWIGHT
I have important information. According to the Dunder Mifflin internal human resources Web site–

HOLLY
Woah, woah, woah, wait. Wait. How did you get on that site?

DWIGHT
(derisively)
Um, it’s part of my job.

MICHAEL
No, it’s not, Dwight. It’s really not.

DWIGHT
(ignoring Michael)
According to the internal H.R. site, it is against this company’s bylaws to hire a new employee without interviewing at least one other candidate.

HOLLY
I know, Dwight. I’m aware of that.

MICHAEL
I ... was not aware of that.

HOLLY
It’s pretty standard. Mainly, it’s a safeguard against abuse of authority and nepotism.

Michael looks at the camera, then at Holly, as if to say, “Stop making up words.” He giggles.

DWIGHT
Michael, this is not a laughing matter.

MICHAEL
Nepotism. What? Is that even a real word? C’mon, guys.

Beat.

HOLLY
Fortunately, I can overrule that requirement under extraordinary circumstances. So I guess that’s what I’m going to have to do here.

 

HOLLY TALKING HEAD – CONFERENCE ROOM

She is holding a PACKET OF PAPER.

HOLLY
(sarcastic)
According to the bylaws that Dwight so graciously brought to our attention, a regional H.R. manager or above is allowed to overrule the multiple-interview provision under, quote–
(reading from the packet)
–circumstances that could pose a high risk of financial and/or legal trouble for Dunder Mifflin Paper Company, Incorporated.
(looking up)
In other words, if we’re going to get sued.

Beat.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
I don’t know Kaitlin very well, but if someone hired me in front of a dozen people and then told me, “Oh, wait, you’re not actually hired” thirty minutes later, I would be on the phone with Mazzoni, Kelley & Thompson, like, immediately.

She tries -- and fails -- to stifle a laugh.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
He keeps it interesting, though. Ya gotta admit.


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