The warmth of a wrong hand pulls him toward the exit as he struggles to maintain composure. He is on his way to the city where looming building brush against clouds and strangers crash against your shoulder and continue walking like you don’t exist.
He knew he would leave Scranton eventually. It was only a matter of time before his balloon of willingness would rupture with ignominious defeat as his barriers of reality and hopefulness collided.
He tried. He really did. But trying never seemed good enough when it came to Pam, and he had no choice but to swagger forward, looking back only to see if she was looking, too.
And though he never noticed, she was always looking.
Like this moment, for instance. He is holding the door open for his so-called “sweetheart” and can feel the extra weight of this goodbye tugging at his shoulder. He adjusts his messenger bag casually and takes a breath to remind himself that it’s just Pam.
Karen pounces toward the elevator as he takes one look back. His eyes trace along the rigid outlines of his comforting desk, the way the ceiling lights reflect off of Dwight’s pristine desk surface and perspiring forehead, and how the clusters of his co-worker’s desks fit so haphazardly yet are perfect pieces to an inane puzzle.
But mostly, he sees every moment he’s ever shared with Pam as if they were replaying on a broken record in some abandoned uptown theater. He sees her smile in the morning while snowflakes dust her hair and her cheeks scream red from blistering winds. He sees her eyes when she tells him how much she wishes she could follow her “silly dream” of going to art school and how solemn they seemed when tears brushed their crest as she mentioned the damaging name Roy. He sees her face light up when she scurries to his desk to tell him the success of their most recent prank on “Dwigt” and how the corners of her lips curl into the most perfect curve known as her smile.
He glances at Pam, suddenly and without hesitation. She meets his gaze and they share and undeniable moment of truth – that this is what their relationship finally came down to.
He looks back just one last time and suddenly the splinters of the oak door pierce his fingertips as he remembers the way her lips felt like petals against his yearning lips. The floor seems to fold under his weakening knees as he recalls how gorgeous she looked in the moonlight and how her fingers sent shivers from head to toe. He forgets to breathe as he realizes leaving isn't always the right choice.
If he leaves this time, there won’t be any turning back. The city is waiting. Pam isn’t. That’s how their relationship would stand – forever stuck in a crevice so deep it would hurt them both if either of them decided it was wrong.
He presses his damp lashes together and tugs the door closed. “Crap,” he thinks as Karen’s eyes glisten from the elevator.
He pauses for just a moment and thinks about his fingers tracing along the chrome handle and if he should turn back.
But he can’t do that now. He’s gone too far already.
It’s been goodbye.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Part 1 : How to climb walls for oxygen. He forgets who he was and that's all she can remember.
Chapter End Notes:
So yeah I think there should be a National Swagger Day. How cool would that be? Comments/suggestions are greatly appreciated.
