Disclaimer: These characters own me, not the other way around....
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1. Beet Girl – Powered by the awesome vitamins provided by farm fresh beets, she stains everyone she touches beet red and travels the world ridding people of scurvy with her vitamin C richness. Supervillains are impervious to her powers but after reading that beet juice has long been thought to be an aphrodisiac, Dwight imagines her having the power to seduce her enemies. Lately, he’d been trying to get Angela to drink more beet juice. He once tried to get her to dress up as Beet Girl but she misunderstood and rented a beet costume for a Halloween party. Dwight was disappointed that it was nigh impossible to get any action with her due to the girth and geometry of it. Beet Girl appeared in Dwight’s head one night after a long day of working in the beet fields and a bad case of sunstroke.
2. Super Christian Girl - Powered by her faith in her Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, she travels the planet ridding it of moral ambiguity and cripples her enemies with the power of her condescending personal virtue and judgmental stares. Her costume is chaste and leaves a lot to the imagination. Her symbol, a giant gold cross, flutters on her cape. She is thwarted by the apathy of atheists and agnostics. Dwight has never asked Angela to dress up because he imagines she is his Super Christian Girl every day. And he can’t wait for the day when vampires come to Scranton so she can bless holy water to burn their evil flesh and keep them at bay with the gold cross she wears around her neck. That will be so awesome.
3. Wonder Woman - Because, come on, she's Wonder Woman. Flies an invisible plane, ties you up with a golden lariat and forces you to tell the truth and comes from a place called Paradise Island populated by Amazon women - these things just add up to perfection. Dwight imagines a side trip to this island when he takes his dream trip to Mordor. He has tried unsuccessfully to get Angela to dress up as Wonder Woman for Halloween going on 3 years now. And other times as well. He purchased a set of Wonder Woman panties and a bra online but hasn’t worked up the nerve to give them to her yet.
4. Paper Girl - She is powered by the selling of paper. The more Dwight sells, the stronger she becomes. She has the ability to inflict deep paper cuts but is vulnerable to fire. Her cape comes in various shades of canary, goldenrod, citron, and saffron (okay, it's yellow), embroidered with a huge DM. He’s also tried to get Angela into his own version of this costume which he created all by himself out of 3 squares of strategically placed Post-it notes. The small ones. She hasn’t yet given in on this point but he’s optimistic if he wins Salesman of the Year again, it might give him the leverage he needs.
5. Batgirl - Because he always pictured himself as Batman. He believes this is the most realistic superhero for him to emulate because he wouldn’t need incredible superpowers, just a few high tech gadgets and a nice suit. He and Batgirl/Angela would live in stately Wayne Manor and only have to work when the bat signal beckons. He’s already prepared by getting a series of rabies shots so as to not be infected by any bats should the signal appear one night. Batgirl's costume would consist of a black shiny bikini, black mask, and a black cape (for modesty because Angela would never wear a bikini in public).
Occasionally, when Dwight has exceeded his sales quota for the month, he sits back in his chair, closes his eyes, and daydreams about his favorite superheroines. But the dreams always end with him, Dwight K. Schrute, saving the citizens of Scranton. Michael is, of course, his faithful sidekick, Robin. Jim Halpert is his butler Alfred - his own personal servant.
Dwight smiles and life is good.
