The journey to my desk was like going through a maze. I would weave around the cubicles of the cramped, stuffy office to the back of the room where my desk was located. I had a couple of desk mates here, but…I still felt isolated. Sure, people would come, and ask me questions…I had AJ here, but I still felt alone. Back when I worked in Scranton, I worked in the annex; far away from nearly everyone in the office. Yet…I never felt isolated back there. In fact, it was the perfect spot. I would get some work done, and every hour, he would come visit the annex, and we’d have a nice chat together.
Yes, AJ is a very sweet guy. He’s smart, funny, and handsome. That’s all a girl really needs, right? But there are times when I still think about him. If I had a penny for every time I thought about him since I had left Scranton, I’m pretty sure that I would have at least twenty dollars…two-thousand pennies…
I finally reach my desk, and I realize that I had left my cardigan behind. The cardigan that he chose for me so that I could match the changing leaves of autumn. I took the cardigan off of my chair, and began to fold it, when I noticed something. The sleeve had been cut off…That’s strange…
“Hey, Holly,” I turned to see AJ leaning against the cubicle wall, grinning. “Good to have you back. How was the trip?”
“Oh, you know…it was pretty boring,” I smiled. AJ stepped closer, and leaned down to give me a kiss. I gently turned my face away from his, and felt myself blushing. “Not here, AJ…” I said kindly, remembering being reprimanded by David Wallace.
“Aw, but you were gone for three days, and I missed you,” AJ said, looking disappointed.
“I know, I missed you too…but PDA at work is bad…” I said in a childlike voice. AJ shrugged, and took my hand. “So how were things here?”
“Oh, a couple days ago, you old boss stopped by,” AJ said, chuckling. “Man, that guy was weird…”
“Wait, Michael was here?”
“Yeah…he had to give us a lecture about sales, but he sort of had an anxiety attack…”
“What happened?”
“Well, he asked me if I was dating, and I said that I was…and then yeah…he literally fell to the floor, and crawled out of the office,” AJ laughed. “Maybe he had a crush on me…”
“Wow…” I felt terrible…I should have told him… “Hey, I should get started on some work…”
“Okay. Um, do you wanna go out tonight? Dinner?”
“Okay,” I replied. AJ gave my hand a squeeze, and I watched as he backed out of my cubicle. “See you later.”
“Yeah…later, Holly.”
When AJ had sat back down at his desk, I gazed down at my cardigan. The mystery of the cut off sleeve was solved.
*****
“Ooh, this one’s nice,” Michael laughed, holding up a hideous gray cardigan that had kittens stitched on it. I let out a laugh, and took the cardigan from Michael, putting it on over my blouse.
“Hey, guess who I am?” I said, pursing my lips and contorting my face into a scowl. Michael snorted.
“The office tight ass, Angela!”
“You are correct, sir!” I giggled, pulling the cardigan off, and placing it back on the rack. Michael had walked away, and when I turned to face him, he was holding up a yellow cardigan.
“I think this would look good on you, Holly-gram,” Michael smiled, holding the cardigan against me. “Yeah, you would look really hot in this…”
“Really?” I asked, giggling. I tried it on, and examined myself in a mirror. I liked it…
“Good Golly, Hot Holly!” Michael exclaimed. I giggled, and took the cardigan off to examine the price tag. Sixty dollars?!
“Wow, Michael…this is pretty pricey,” I sighed. I had really liked that cardigan. Michael just shrugged it off.
“I’ll buy it for you,” Michael offered.
“No, Michael, I couldn’t let you…”
“I want to buy it for you,” Michael smiled, tugging the cardigan out of my hand before I could protest.
*****
For today alone, if someone were to give me a penny every time I thought about him I would have close to two hundred thousand pennies. It was only 10:00…I had been here for less than an hour, and people would not stop talking about the guy who had driven Jan Levinson to craziness, the guy who had an anxiety attack during his presentation, and the guy who miraculously manages the best performing branch. My head was aching, and for some reason my eyes felt like they were on fire from trying to hold back the tears. Go to your happy place, Holly. Gonzo from the Muppet Show, old SNL skits with John Belushi, Jon Lovitz… It was useless.
I walked to the water cooler, hoping some cold water would help with my migraine. AJ was grinning over at me, and I couldn’t even grin back. Giving AJ a halfhearted wave, I made my way back to my desk to type up a report for corporate HR. I moved my mouse, and when the screen loaded, I saw the familiar icon. Dear Michael…the letter I never had any intention of sending. The letter I had typed up the day AJ had asked me out. The letter I had read so many times that I had nearly every word memorized. I was content with AJ…I had more friends in Nashua…so why do I regret coming back here so much?
*****
“Are you sure you don’t want me to carry that?” I asked as Michael and I walked back to his car. Michael laughed.
“It’s all good,” Michael said, pointing to his car. “We’re like…three steps away. One, two, three…okay, maybe ten steps away. But it’s only a cardigan.”
I laughed, and watched as Michael placed the bag in the trunk of his car. He began to rub his arm.
“Oh, wow…that was heavy…” Michael chuckled. I reached over, and began to massage his shoulder.
“Is that better?” I asked, giggling.
“Not really,” Michael smiled, raising his eyebrows. “I could really use a hug though…”
Michael’s eyes were filled with affection before I wrapped my arms around his body. We’ve only been dating for a month, but this thing with Michael, it felt a lot like love to me. Stepping up on my tiptoes, I leaned my lips into Michael’s.
“Thank you, my dear,” Michael said blushing. Suddenly, his expression was more serious. Honestly, it was kind of scary seeing Michael looking so serious. “Hey, I was thinking…you should get some job here in Scranton…”
“Well…you should get some job in Nashua…”
“But I asked you first—“
“First!” I laughed. “Jinx!”
*****
Looking back on it now, that day would have been perfect if the two of us actually continued that conversation. It’s a regret that I have to live with, I guess. Sure, I could take the seven hour venture to Scranton, and tell Michael how I felt about him, but it’s too late now. Michael had probably moved on. The thought of Michael being back together with Jan made me sick to my stomach. But I was certain that Michael had cut off the cardigan sleeve as a way to get back at me. A way to let me know that he was over me, and that I should be over him…
But what if that wasn’t the case? What if he wasn’t with Jan? What if he’s feeling the same feelings as I am? I double clicked the Dear Michael icon. I already knew what was written, but I just needed something…maybe confidence? I don’t really know, but if I’m about to do what I’m thinking about doing, then I needed some confidence.
Dear Michael,
I know I’m probably never going to send you this letter, but I need to write it. I can’t explain why, exactly, but I just felt that I needed to. It’s sad that we’ve spent more time apart than we had together, but that doesn’t change the fact that I miss you.
I’ve been dating a coworker of mine, hoping that I could get over you. We’ve been dating for a month now, and I’m still not over you. I don’t think I ever will be.
There are so many things that I would have changed…I wish we talked about what we would do. If I could go back to where we left off, I would have stayed in Scranton…
There’s a part of me that hopes that you’re happy now, but there’s also the selfish side of me hoping that you’re as miserable as I am. I know, I’m a nasty person, but I can’t help it. You were so sweet, Michael. You never failed to make me laugh or hold me when I was cold. I hope that one day, I gain the courage to go back to Scranton, because if I can’t get over you now, I don’t think I ever will. There’s still something there, Michael…it’s not over. It can’t be…
With Love,
Holly Flax.
That night, I broke things off with AJ. I felt terrible, but I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t lead him on anymore…
It was 9:00 PM when I left my house, driving down the freeway with a couple of bottled Starbucks coffees. This was ridiculous…but I had to do it. Some things in life were unexplainable, and this was one of them.
*****
I loved spending nights at Michael’s condo. I loved the way he was gentle when we made love, but he had never failed to make me come. I loved the way he held me in his arms afterwards. What I loved the most was our conversations before the two of us fell asleep.
“Did you know that I used to play hockey?” Michael asked, gently stroking my hair. He was always gentle…
“Did you really? Were you good?”
“I was pretty good…I always thought about going pro…” Michael snorted, shaking his head.
“Aw…was this when you were a kid?”
“No, I was around twenty when I wanted to go pro,” Michael replied.
“I don’t know how to skate…”
“I could teach you! We’ll go ice skating on Friday!”
“I leave on Friday…” I reminded Michael.
“Okay, then we could go when I drive up to visit you!”
“That sounds good…”
“And you can give me that yoga lesson that I paid 300 bucks for,” Michael teased.
“Surely, you should know that I will give you as many yoga lessons as you want…”
“That’s what she said, and don’t call me Shirley…”
I giggled.
“So what did you want to be when you grew up?”
“I always wanted to be a dancer…I used to take ballet when I was a girl…”
“That explains why you’re so flexible,” Michael said, smiling.
“Yeah…”
“Did you ever get any good gigs?”
“I never had the chance to…”
“How come?”
“I broke my legs three times, remember?”
“Oh yeah…I’m sorry…”
“It’s okay.”
“Hey, Holly-gram?”
“Yes, Michael?” I asked, smiling up at him.
“I…uh…I like you a lot,” Michael stammered. I giggled.
“I like you a lot too…”
“Seven hours isn’t so bad, right?”
“Not at all,” I yawned, my eyelids feeling heavy.
*****
It was 4:00 AM when I saw Michael’s red PT Cruiser on his driveway. My heart was racing…Michael was probably asleep, but if I didn’t do this now, I knew I never would be able. I stepped out of my car, ran up Michael’s porch, and rang the doorbell three times.
It was 5:00 AM. I was sitting on the steps of Michael’s porch, shivering. Michael hadn’t answered the door, but he had always been a sound sleeper…I decided to try the doorbell again, hoping that he would finally answer. I rang five times, and I waited for a couple of minutes. There was no answer. I tried calling his house phone, but after nine rings, there was no answer.
It was 8:00. Michael should be waking up about now…getting ready for work. But none of the lights were on in the condo. I felt like a stalker, but I didn’t care. I was tired, I was cold, and I needed Michael. I’ve needed him for the last three months…I rang the doorbell numerous times. Five minutes passed, and there was no answer. Suddenly, I heard another car pulling up in Michael’s driveway. It was a brown Toyota…Who was driving? Was that Pam? It was Pam!
I walked towards the car, and I can see Pam’s surprised look even through the tinted windows. The back door behind Pam opened, and I saw Michael getting out of the car, his mouth dropped open comically in an O shape.
“Holly?”
“Hey, Michael,” I smiled. “I came to get my sleeve back…”
“Oh…right…I’m sorry,” Michael said. “You knew I took the sleeve?”
“Yes…”
“Is that all you came for?”
“No,” I shook my head, and reached up to touch Michael’s face. “I came for you…”
“Oh man…that’s what she said!”
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
Too angsty? Too Corny? I don't know...
Please let me know how you guys like this story! Thank you!
Please let me know how you guys like this story! Thank you!
beermefive is the author of 4 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 2 members. Members who liked A Yellow Cardigan... also liked 190 other stories.
